Chapter Text
*Yunho*
By the time Yunho turned 15, he had come to the conclusion that he loved looking after people slightly more than the average teenager. He wouldn't quite say he was a people pleaser. He didn't set out to make people happy to the detriment of himself, but when he did do something good and helpful for someone, the visible pleasure he saw on the other person gave him a feeling he struggled to put in words. The closest word he could find to explain his feeling was jubilant. The dictionary defines jubilant as a mix of feeling joyful and proud especially as a result of success in an endeavour. This was Yunho! When he helped his younger brother with his homework and he came back with a good grade, when his mum was having a hard time at work so he decided to run her a nice bath with her favourite TV show queued up for when she got home and she started crying with a big smile on her face, even simply holding the door open for teachers who had their hands filled with textbooks and coffee cups, the grateful smile they shot him was enough to send a zing of joy down his spine. And while he had thought this was just the norm for anyone doing a good deed, he came to realise the feeling was not as intense for everyone else. For him, it was almost an addictive feeling.
A few months after his 17th birthday he came to another realisation. By this point, he had been in three relationships, and while they hadn't been super serious, they had still hurt when they ended. They hurt mainly because they ended for the same reason. Every ex-boyfriend had complained that Yunho had a tendency to act like their dad and they did not like it. The first two times, Yunho had asked what they meant, being incredibly confused on how they came to the conclusion. It was mostly non-verbal behaviours that he had always had and never realised was an issue. Where he thought he was being patient, quietly helping his exes work through difficult emotions or complicated friendships in school without imposing his own ideas or beliefs, they saw it as him thinking he was better than them and silently judging them. They said he had a tendency to stare in disappointment at them when they did something he didn't like. He didn't even know he stared let alone in disappointment.
At 16 he had moved to a boarding school in England, and met an Italian boy named Luca who he thought was cute. After two months of them being friends, Yunho built up the courage to ask him out. He was half expecting a resounding no, so he was surprised when Luca blushed shyly and replied with a quiet yes. He tried really hard to be more conscious of his words and actions, not wanting history to repeat itself, but alas, his efforts were in vain. 8 months later, the relationship ended for the same reason. This time, he didn't bother asking for further explanation. He had solemnly accepted the breakup, then made his way to the swing set in the junior playground (his comfort spot) and sat there weeping on and off. His best friend, Mary, found him there a couple of hours later, eyes red and swollen and shoulders that looked like they carried the weight of the world. With a little probing, she managed to make him open up and he explained his entire romantic past, and the behaviour problems he couldn't seem to fix. Towards the end, he just kept repeating "what is wrong with me?" while he stained Mary's top with tears as she held him in strong arms. When he finally seemed to calm down, she wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and asked him a question that would change the trajectory of his life.
"Have you heard of BDSM?"
……………………………………………………
It was the first week of a new chapter of his life. Yunho had been excited for the start of university all through summer, and he couldn't believe the time had finally come. Between studying for his A-levels, applying for university and doing a multitude of extra curricular activities, he hadn't had much time to research what Mary had told him, though he couldn't refrain from the temptation entirely. However, once the last exam paper was handed in, and he was officially free from Secondary school, Yunho went full blown crazy on his research. He spent hours on the phone with Mary, discussing every single article he read online. He even considered visiting a nearby kink bar that he had discovered, but he chickened out after walking past and seeing the people through the window. He discovered that there was a decent sized kink community in the university he would be attending, there was even an unofficial society dedicated to it, although it took a little bit of digging to discover it. He penciled in all the events on his calendar and then filled up his remaining time with dance society events, meet and greets and a little free time for the unknown. He also penciled in game time. He was forced to abandon his progress in valorant, losing his rank as immortal and was keen to get back there. Ultimately the goal was radiant, but Yunho was nothing if not patient.
That's how Yunho found himself, the first week of university, in a room full of people looking to explore kink. He was enjoying meeting new people and hearing about their experience, but most importantly, he was relaxed in the knowledge that he was in the company of people that didn't think anything was wrong with him. After all the research with Mary, he finally felt comfortable with himself, but how others perceived him was a different situation entirely. He hadn't been able to fully relax and let go in the presence of other people, always on alert to ensure he doesn't go into "dad mode". But now, in this room, he finally felt free, and he loved the feeling.
Freshers week was a blast and by the end of the week, he decided that university was much better than secondary school. He already had an invite to his first kink meetup outside of uni, and it was looking like things were finally going to be in his favour. The other society that he felt incredibly attached to was the dance society. He had watched a performance during his open day visit and it was enchanting. Yunho loved to dance but could never decide on what type of dance to focus on. The main reason he had chosen to attend King's Quay University was because their dance degree had the widest range of dance disciplines and he was excited to experience them all. They had already started working on the routines they would be showcasing at the University's winter fair.
In his first lecture, during introductions, he realised there were 2 other Koreans, a boy named Yeosang and a girl named Haemin. He and Haemin were in the same group for their first project. They had to choose a choreo to take apart and put back together but with their own twist there were 3 other people in the group. The theme for this assignment was contemporary dance.
After watching several videos in youtube, there was one video that stood out the most to Yunho
“I think we should do the ‘Take Me To Church’ one. The song is so expressive, we'll have a lot of room to work with.” Everyone seemed either happy with his suggestion or indifferent so they went with that.
As the days went by, he got closer to Haemin as well. Although he got along with his classmates just fine, there was a certain level of comfort that he got from being able to speak his own language once in a while. Towards the end of the second week, he noticed Yeosang seemed to be keeping to himself, and wondering if he was having a hard time settling in, decided to approach him. Walking into class, he saw Yeosang sitting by himself at the back and with a hand signal to Haemin, directed them towards Yeosang instead of to their usual seat in the middle.
"Hi, mind if we sit here with you?"
Yeosang looked startled and pointed to himself while looking around, unsure if he was the one being addressed. With a small laugh Yunho nodded and settled into the chair with Haemin next to him.
"I'm Yunho and this is Haemin" Heamin leaned forward with a little wave and a big smile
"Nice to meet you, I'm Yeosang"
"I remember from the first day, nice to meet you too" replied Haemin. "How's the project going, do you like your group?"
While Haemin continued the conversation with Yeosang, Yunho chose to sit silently and study him. He had known Yeosang was pretty of course, but sitting this close to him was a whole different experience. Stunning would be a more apt description. His blonde hair was cut short, falling just to the edge of his eyes in front and parted down the middle. He was wearing black jeans and a soft pink sweater that almost matched the blush on his cheeks. His voice was deeper than he expected. Very quiet too, though it got a little bit louder as he seemed to settle into the conversation. He noticed Yeosang's fingers flexing and unflexing slightly, how he paused before each answer to Haemins questions, as if needing a few seconds to formulate the best answer. His notebook pens and laptop were arranged neatly on the desk in front of him. Yunho found this absolutely adorable. Looking back up, he noticed that Yeosang was looking at him now and he blushed, embarrassed at being caught staring. Before he could make more of a fool out of himself, the lights dimmed and he was saved by the beginning of class.
As they were packing up their bags at the end of class, Yunho decided he didn't want this to be the end of their interaction with Yeosang.
"Hey, do you have any more classes after this?"
Again, Yesoang startled and started looking around to check who the question was directed at.
"I'm asking you Yeosang" Yunho replied with a chuckle, "This is our last class for today. Haemin and I usually get lunch and I was wondering if you wanted to join us."
Yeosang seemed to brighten a bit, a small smile appearing on his face at the question but before he replied Hemin jumped in
"Actually Yuyu, I can't today, I'm meeting up with some people from choir. Actually, I need to run now. Bye Yeosang, it was nice meeting you officially"
With a quick hug, he said goodbye to Haemin and turned back to Yeosang. There was a strange look on Yeosang's face but it was gone quickly before Yunho could decipher it.
"I guess it's just you and me, does lunch sound good? It can be my treat."
"I'll join you, don't worry, you don't need to bribe me," Yeosang replied with a roll of his eyes.
Yeosangs hands flew to his mouth as if he couldn’t believe he just said that and Yunho let out a loud laugh, his entire face lighting up at the quip.
"Guilty! Come on, I know this place that has good coffee and I need a coffee to get through the rest of today."
They walked together in silence, each in their own heads. Yunho opened the door and gestured for Yeosang to go in before guiding them to the counter.
"What would you like?" asked the lady at the counter.
Yeosang looked to Yunho to order and noticed that Yunho was doing the same.
"Go ahead, you first."
With a nod, Yeosang ordered a mocha and Yunho decided to make that two. They got their coffee and some sandwiches and went to sit at an empty table.
"So," began Yunho after taking his first bite of his sandwich, "How are you finding KQ?"
"It's nice. I enjoy the classes here and the city is so pretty"
"Oh really? What part?" Yunho hadn't discovered any part of the campus that could be described as so pretty, but then again, he hadn't done much exploring outside of campus.
"Err... the park....and the lake" Yeosang seemed hesitant with his answers. Yunho was trying not to fall into old habits and start psychoanalysing why that was. He didn't even know Yeosang enough to do that.
"Oh. To be honest, I haven't really explored much outside of campus. I haven't explored that much on campus either actually. I'd love to see this park and lake though." Yunho held his breath, hoping he wasn’t being too forward.
It took a little while for Yeosang to answer, his eyes searching for what, Yunho didn't know.
"Sure. I can show it to you." Yunho finally released the breath he was holding, trying to make it not too obvious that he had been nervous for the answer.
"Well, I have free time after this. If you're not busy, we could head there after lunch?"
Another pause, another search on Yunho's face, and then a single word. "Okay."
They continued the rest of their lunch in silence, neither of them making eye contact, though they could both feel the other's eyes on them when they weren't looking. Yunho wanted to make conversation. He wanted to get to know Yeosang more, but he could already tell he was developing a little bit of a crush, and that brought thoughts of his exes and his breakups, and the self doubt left him unable to come up with normal conversation topics. He hated feeling like this, but couldn't help it anyway,
Eventually food was finished and the rubbish thrown away. Yunho held the door open again for Yeosang and gestured for him to lead the way. They walked out of the university building and down the main street for about 10 minutes before turning off into a quiet road. Yunho stopped recognising the buildings once they turned off. He was still looking around when Yeosang came to an abrupt halt and Yunho only managed to avoid bumping into him by virtue of being light on his feet and having quick reflexes. He looked at Yeosang, confused to see the look of panic on his face.
"What's wrong? Why did you stop? Did something happen?" Yunho looked around, trying to spot anything that could make Yeosang panic, but couldn't see anything that stood out. Finding nothing, he looked to Yeosang again and saw him biting his bottom lip. Unthinking, he placed his thumb on Yeosang's chin and pulled his lip out saying "don't do that, you'll hurt yourself."
Before Yunho could finish his sentence though, Yeosang jerked back, his hand coming to his face where Yunho had touched, and Yunho realised he had unintentionally crossed a line. He was instantly apologetic.
"I'm sorry for touching you without your permission. I wanted to stop you from hurting yourself but that's no excuse. Please forgive me"
Yeosang was quick to respond with 'It's fine' though his hand still hadn't left his chin.
A beat later, Yunho continued. "Can you tell me what happened? Why did you stop so suddenly."
Yunho tried to keep his voice calm and steady. He didn't want his inner turmoil to come through. He didn't want to overwhelm Yeosang any more with his own increasing anxiety.
“I forgot to tell you something.”
“Forgot to tell me what?”
Yunho was confused. What could Yeosang possibly have forgotten to say that caused this reaction?
After a few moments, looking only at his feet, Yeosang finally whispered “The park is about an hour away. We have to take the bus.”
Yunho paused, giving Yeosang time to say more, still waiting for the catch. When nothing more was forthcoming, Yunho crouched down, trying to make eye contact with Yeosang.
“Is there anything else?” He asked as gently as possible and Yeosang shook his head.
“Please can you look up at me?” Yunho asked, maintaining his tone of voice and fighting the temptation to put his hands on Yeosang and physically guide his head up.
It took several seconds of measured breathing before Yeosang managed to meet his eyes.
“Thank you for looking at me. Can you tell me why forgetting to mention that we had to take an hour-long bus made you nervous?”
Again Yeosang took his time to answer, losing and regaining eye contact. Yunho waited patiently, hoping he was emanating a calming vibe to help Yeosang’s distress.
“It’s a long way to go to visit a park and a lake, and I made it sound like it was close by so you may have agreed with that misconception and now I’m wasting your time when you could be doing something else.”
When Yunho didn’t say anything, Yeosang looked up.
“Are you mad? I’m sorry. We have time to go back though. I can take you back.”
He started walking the way they had come, but before he could take more than two steps, Yunho intercepted him.
“I’m not mad, Yeosang, it’s okay. Do you remember what I said at the cafe?”
He waited for an answer but Yeosang just stared at him. Eventually Yunho answered the question himself.
“I said I have free time now Yeosang. I also mentioned at the end of the lecture that I was done for the day.“
“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you want to spend the next few hours with me in a random park. You could have meant 30 minutes of free time. You could have other things to do since you have no classes.”
“True. You’re right...”
“See!” Yeosang interrupted, starting to head towards campus again. But once again Yunho stood in his way.
“I’m not done Yeosang. I could have other plans, but I don’t. Also, if I did have other plans, it’s not your responsibility to be mindful of that, it’s mine.”
Yeosang sighed. “But you can’t be mindful of your schedule if I don’t give you the full picture.”
Looking at Yeosang’s face, Yunho could tell that if he let them, they could end up talking in circles as Yeosang was so sure he’d made a monumental mistake.
“Okay. Here’s how I see it. Yes, maybe you should have given me all the information beforehand so I could make an informed decision but you’ve told me now which is enough time for me to turn back if I need to. Also if I did have something to do, I could have asked how long it would take so that I could adjust accordingly. As it stands, I don’t have any plans for the rest of the day, though I will need to get dinner at some point, and I would really like to spend some time with you and get to know you, if that’s okay. If it takes an hour to get there, that means I have at least the next two hours with you, most likely more, and I’m happy with that. Is that okay?”
“You really want to spend time with me?” Yeosang peered up at him.
Yunho was amused with the shy way Yeosang asked the question. He chuckled
“Yes I’d like to get to know you better.”
“And it’s okay that I missed out important information at the start?”
“It’s okay Yeosang, I’m basically the one that dragged you out anyway, insisting on seeing your special place today.”
With a quiet grumble of “it’s not that special” Yeosang turned around and continued leading them to the bus stop.
While he was glad they were on their way again, Yunho couldn’t help but feel worried about Yeosang’s reaction to the whole thing. It was too dramatic for such a minor thing and Yunho couldn’t let the thought that that was an underlying issue go. Again he tried to remind himself that Yeosang was little more than a perfect stranger and he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn’t help it. He was drawn to Yeosang, like a moth to a flame.