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"Why have I never been on a date like that?" Remy asked.
It was movie night at the mansion, and a pretty exceptionally crappy romcom had just quit playing on the TV in the lounge. They hadn't been the ones who'd chosen the movie, so Logan wasn't sure why they were the ones tidying shit up. Not that Remy was participating in the cleaning up of shit - he was sprawling on the couch like a Victorian lady who'd fainted there.
"Because real people don't have dates like that," Logan replied, like maybe he actually gave a damn. He did not. He just hoped it would shut the Cajun the hell up. It did not.
"So what are real people dates like?"
Logan sighed. He surveyed the bowls of half-eaten popcorn and the sea of abandoned soda cans strewn all over the table, then he looked back over at Remy again.
"If you get up off your ass and pick this mess up, I'll show you," Logan said.
Remy opened one eye. He looked up at him.
"You'll take me on a date?" he asked.
"Sure, why not." He shook an abandoned popcorn bowl in his direction. "C'mon. Move."
So Remy moved. For once in his life, he actually did what he was told. Then Remy smiled at him as he took the popcorn bowl. Wide. Toothy. Like Logan had just walked into a trap.
He had a really bad feeling about this. But hell, at least it got the room cleaned up.
--
The next morning, Remy cornered him after breakfast. Mostly because Logan wasn't actually trying to avoid him, or at least he wasn't avoiding him yet.
"So, where you gonna take me?" Remy asked.
Logan made a face. "Am I taking you somewhere?" he replied.
"A date. Remember?"
Too late to hope the Cajun had forgotten about what he'd said the night before, he guessed. But at least he'd stopped whining about his bad luck in love and his disappointing dating history or whatever the hell - Logan had tried to tune it out, but the movie had somehow done a worse job of keeping his attention than Remy had. That said nothing good at all for the movie.
"Food," Logan replied.
"Food is not a destination."
Logan shrugged. "You don't like it, go get someone else to take you out," he said.
Maybe it would've been better if Remy had said he'd go ask Storm to teach him about dating, like regular people ever dated kings, or maybe he could've persuaded him to go ask Kurt and see what his reaction was. As it was, he just stood there with his arms crossed on top of his chest and a don't-waste-my-time look on his face, and that was always the wrong approach to take where Remy was concerned. He knew that. Who even knew why he did it.
Remy smiled at him. "Seven?" he said. "Eight?"
"Yeah."
"Which?"
"We'll see."
Logan walked away as Remy threw up his hands in Cajun consternation, but he saw him again a few hours later. It was sometime after seven but before eight, and Logan led the way to the garage to borrow a car. Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in a booth waiting for food Logan had ordered for them at the bar. Remy looked perfectly at home lounging there with one foot up on the seat like a total asshole, running his mouth while tapping cards on his knee, and Logan swigged a beer and watched him.
When the food arrived, the guy looked Remy up and down and said, "So, what's with the body armor?"
"Thinks he's an Avenger," Logan replied. "Embarrassing. Lucky he looks good." Remy eyed him. Logan gestured back at him. "Don't be a dick. Get your feet off the seat."
"Because it's you that asked, cher," Remy replied, and he blew him a kiss across the tabletop. Logan rolled his eyes, and the guy with the food laughed and said he'd leave them to it.
In the end, they stayed till closing. They had a few drinks, Remy stole Logan's fries, they talked for a while, or Remy talked enough for both of them, and at some point, Logan started talking back in French just because he could. And when the bar finally closed, they headed out to the car together, and headed back to the mansion together. They walked back to the front door together, and just as Logan was about to push the door open, Remy put a hand on it and stopped him.
"So, this was a normal date?" he asked.
Logan shrugged. "Sure," he replied. "Pretty normal."
Remy tilted his head. "But no kiss goodnight?" he said.
Logan snorted. "Don't push your luck, Cajun," he replied. "That's more of a second date activity."
"So there'll be a second date?"
Logan was pretty sure he'd walked into a trap, or he'd walked into a second one, but he was also pretty sure he hadn't hated the night out that much. Remy had a mouth on him, sure, but it wasn't the worst date he'd ever had. Remy wasn't the worst date he'd ever had. So he shrugged and said, "Yeah, sure. Why not."
Remy smiled, big and bright and toothy. Logan scrunched his nose.
This was gonna get out of hand real fast.
---
They wound up heading out to another bar a few nights later, some place with live music they could just hear each other over if they leaned right in and shouted. Remy kept putting his hands on Logan's shoulders. Logan kept putting his hands on Remy's waist. He was wearing the goddamn body armor again, but at least he did look good in it.
And after, they left together. They went back to the mansion together. They headed to the door together, and they paused outside. Or Remy paused, with one hand on the door, which meant Logan had to pause with him.
"So, a kiss?" Remy asked.
Logan figured it was true he'd said it was a second date activity. So, when Remy pointed one bare forefinger very obviously at his right cheek, Logan stepped in and kissed him there, with one hand on his shoulder to keep himself steady as he leaned up. Remy grinned. Logan walked away before Remy could see him smiling back. The guy was ridiculous sometimes, but it still wasn't a bad date.
It kept on happening, a couple of days or nights a week. They went out to the movies one bright afternoon and Remy kept on trashing the thing in half-hushed whispers right by Logan's ear until he grabbed him by the hand and dragged him out. They ate ice cream sundaes with long spoons from dumb fluted glasses instead, and Remy kept right on trashing the movie like he was pleased that it'd sucked. And after, outside the front door of the mansion, Remy pointed to his left cheek, so Logan kissed him on it. Kind of obnoxiously, not like Remy minded getting prickled by his whiskers. Seemed like the thing to do.
It kept on happening. They drove out to a lake like maybe that was a real person date activity, except it was raining when they got there, so Logan grabbed a fishing umbrella from the back of the truck and they sat on the shore on a piece of old tarp with the umbrella staked into the ground between them. It was really coming down by then, and the rain on the umbrella was pretty goddamn loud. Logan had a Thermos full of coffee so they shared that, passing the chipped screw-off cup back and forth between them, till Remy reached one hand out over to him.
"Do real people hold hands?" Remy asked him.
Logan shrugged. "Sure," he replied.
"Are you gonna hold my hand?"
Remy wiggled his fingers. Logan snorted. Mostly Logan took his hand to shut him up, but it wasn't so bad. And when they got back to the mansion, Remy pointed to his forehead then had to stoop so Logan could make it up there. Remy looked delighted. Logan rolled his eyes, but maybe he didn't mind so much.
They wound up in shitty bars, eating mostly decent food and seeing mostly okay bands, or just having a few drinks on the quiet nights, while Remy told him all about all the godawful dates he'd been on.
"So where does this rank in the timeline of shitty dates?" Logan finally asked him, one night. They'd been doing the dumb dating thing for maybe a month by then, maybe six weeks, wasn't like he was doing anything like keeping count.
Remy tapped his fingers on the table almost thoughtfully. "I don't know," he replied. "I haven't been on a lot of normal dates." He put his chin on his hands with his hands on the table. He leaned forward. He smiled. "But there's one thing that would make it better."
Logan raised his brows. Remy grabbed his hand. And sure, so he couldn't've moved Logan if he hadn't let him, so he guessed he must've let him. And when they got outside, Remy dragged him around into the parking lot and he shoved him up against the wall, a couple of spaces away from where they'd left the car. Remy leaned there with his hands flat on the wall. Logan rested his head back and tugged on Remy's coat.
"What you got in mind, Cajun?" Logan asked.
"Think you can work it out, cher," Remy replied, as he pressed one knee in between Logan's thighs. And then, while still smiling like he'd won something, he pointed to his lips. Logan just snickered at him, then he yanked him down by his hair so he could kiss him on the mouth. He figured Remy had started it, so why the hell not.
It was three or four weeks later when Logan finally realized. It was another movie night, another mind-numbing romcom, with Remy flat on his back on the couch when it was over, but this time he wasn't complaining. He had his head on Logan's thigh, warm and heavy.
"Where you taking me tomorrow?" Remy asked, peering up at him.
Maybe it had started as some kind of a dumb challenge. An educational tool for the guy with the unrealistic dating expectations. But now Logan was pretty sure the two of them were just plain dating. He was pretty sure he'd been goaded into it. He was pretty sure this was the trap. Turned out he didn't really care.
Logan put his feet up on the table. He slid his fingers into Remy's hair and tugged on it a little.
"Does it matter?" he said. "We'll figure it out."
From the look on his face as he closed his eyes and smiled, it seemed like Remy agreed.