Work Text:
There was a soft knock at his door.
It was the day after their fallout. He played his role well enough: the level-headed diplomat, the crazed harbinger, and the heartbroken boyfriend. In truth, Childe wasn't all that upset since he did know Zhongli's secret. He's got eyes and ears everywhere. But see, he wasn't supposed to know that Rex Lapis was indeed alive, as per the contract between Her Majesty the Tsaritsa and Morax. He kept his head down and pretended the funeral consultant was human, despite the poor character Zhongli played. Seriously, no human forgot their wallet that often.
The man was no stalker, but he'd observe Zhongli daily on top of buildings, tall trees and the like, noting if it was only the harbinger he'd forget his wallet around to run him dry. But no, he'd often forget his wallet shopping by himself and accompanied by others… Okay, maybe he was a stalker. That wasn't the focus, however.
What was important: when confronted by a shopkeeper, the man merely shook his head, declining said purchase, then went his way to the next shop and faced the exact issue. At first Childe assumed it was a memory issue, until the brunette created shiny mora from thin air when he thought no one looked his way.
Childe played his villainous character far better than Zhongli's scholar persona ever could manage, that much was clear. Not only that, but he was very much gullible. That man believed Childe was angered by the fair lady stealing his thunder. He was a bit peeved, only due to the fact Zhongli declined to spar with him as a mode for forgiveness, still pretending he was completely in the dark.
"Let's have lunch instead," he had said. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but Childe shrugged it off. Maybe he'd remember he needed to present as a human. "I'll tell you everything."
A spar with the old god of war himself sounded much more thrilling than their usual outings. Childe stormed on his way out of Northland Bank, not daring to look back to see how Zhongli fared. He assumed the man was fine, after all living for so long, that god must have a built up tolerance for fallouts such as these.
The knocking continued.
He sighed and set down his luggage. Perhaps it was time to forgive Zhongli, only hesitantly however, if he was behind that door. He made movement and once the door was open, he founded nothing ahead of him.
"Master Childe."
The harbinger looked down. A kid bowed to his waist. It was strange, very strange. Who sent the kid? To a harbinger's hotel room no less?
"I apologize for not telling you soon. I was hoping we could have lunch and discuss this affair in greater detail, if you'd be so kind as to indulge me."
"Zhongli?" He was aware the archon could shift forms, but it was another matter seeing it in person. Childe had questions, but at least, he could recognize this kid as Zhongli. Same dark, ponytail hair and scholar-like outfit. But tinier, with a high, sweet voice. "You're a lot… smaller than our lasting meeting. May I ask what happened?"
"Ah." He tensed. Clearly not enjoying the question. "You deserve the truth. You talk very highly of your little siblings, so I hoped coming to you in this form would be more suitable to your liking. If it is not, I can change back."
"Wait, wait," Childe bit back his laughter, his thoughts jumping to a conclusion. "Did you think you can win me back with cuteness?"
"… Yes."
This time Childe didn't hold back. He snorted out laughter. Mini Zhongli perked his head up from the bow, confusion etched on his face.
"I do not understand. But I take you are no longer upset, yes?"
"Oh I'm still mad," Childe said through his barks. "You still owe me a spar."
"But… but I am so small… so helpless… or what do they say in those light novels Hu Tao gives me?" That last part was muttered but still clearly heard. Thumb to his chin, Little Zhongli seemed as though he was in deep thought.
Childe gave another wave of laughs. Oh, he definitely needed this moment taken by a Kamera. He teased, "I bet you want all my attention and carry you to the nearest toy shop, right, zhongli-dìdì? Would a little dragon plushie sound good?" His taunts were utter blasphemy. There was no bone in his body that could bring himself to care about that. He savored the moment as it lasted.
"Yes. No and no."
He huffed and feigned forlorn in his tone. "Then I suppose I'll never forgive you, dìdì."
Zhongli sighed. He could feel the humiliation radiating from his dear funeral consultant, the atmosphere oozing of earth and soil, and he could see it clearly: little fist clenching together as he dipped his head again for another bow.
He bit back a grin. This was going to be so much fun.
"… Please take me toy shopping, bǎobèi."
"Aren't you the cutest thing! But really, call me big brother! We'll have so much fun today, just you wait."
"So shameless," Zhongli muttered. Childe pretended not to hear, but a new founded determination flooded his veins. "Very well, then."
There he carried Zhongli in one arm to Granny Shan's stall while Childe encouraged him to pick whatever toys he wanted. His boyfriend's face burnt bright red and whispered to himself, too indiscernible to know. Childe bit back laughter. He was too easy to tease.
"I have many toys for you to choose from," Granny Shan started. "No need to be shy. See any toys you like?"
"Anything with Rex Lapis? My little one loves him sooo much. Not an hour goes by without him going on a tangent related to those fictional Rex Lapis bedtime stories!"
"Childe, stop it. I'm warning you," he gritted, amber eyes glowing angrily. The man would be concerned with sleeping on the sofa right about now, or even the wrath of the rock, but the god would never go that far. Ever clingy and protective, ha! Empty threats were the cutest.
Granny Shan went on with her speech. "He is very popular with the kids! They always ask for him. I have kites with a portrait, stuffed dolls, Rex Lapis themed puzzles, action figures… we can also do custom made orders and have those ready for pick up in a month or so."
"I don't think I should make him pick. That would be too cruel. I'll take them all!"
One arm full of toys and another with Mini Zhongli, they went to another stall, one full of treats. There were other screaming children and parents there, buying candy for their little ones.
"Lunch. Can't we go out for lunch, please?" Zhongli said, a tad desperate and gripping onto Childe's collar. Poor Little Zhongli had enough, but Childe wasn't quite yet done with him.
The harbinger hummed, kissing his forehead. "Of course. I'm here to spoil you, silly. Also I think this disguise suits you better. No child has a wallet on them."
"I see your point. However, I do not have parents to pose as a human child. I simply need to live life as an adult human and become accustomed to the daily work life. Besides that point, the funeral parlor needs my expertise. There is no one that compares to my knowledge of Adepti burials and the like."
"What if a situation prevented you from work?" He smirked. Come rain or shine (or the fact Childe needed to leave Liyue soon), there was always a solution to everything in Childe's eyes. Such as kidnapping an Archon to another nation after the day's done. "You have your big brother now who takes care of you and who loves you veryyy much! No kid should be heading to work!"
The god nodded, but not without lamentation dripping from his being. "Fine. I shall accept this fate for the time being. I should notify the director of this matter before you whisk me away with your shenanigans. And please, no toys or candy. I beg you. Spoil me with lunch."
A man of his word, Childe kept his promise.
Extra: Zhongli
"I don't want anything from the kid's menu! Childe!" He pushed the small, colorful menu away from his person.
"That's big brother to you! I rather not punish you for being a naughty boy, or should I? Disrespecting your elders is a high offense!"
Zhongli knew a losing battle when he saw one. It was him coming to Childe for forgiveness, which still needed to be rightfully earned. He spoke with his voice clear and polite, "Gege, I would like something from the adult menu if you'd be so kind."
"Of course! Hey, wait, that's the wine menu—"
"Gege," he whined, with big, sad amber eyes and a pout etched on his face. Childe wasn't the only one who could play this game. "Only a little bit, please?"
That despicable harbinger ordered him grape juice.