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the koyuki incident

Summary:

NIHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It was my fault…

These things, and all they led to.

It had to come to this for me to realize…

I don’t even know what to realize honestly. This whole thing is…!


“Status report?” Sensei peered out from behind her upturned desk.

Yuuka and Noa have arrived at the tower! But multiple heat signatures are approaching from behind the door!” Arona yelled from the tablet lashed to her back, her virtual body pressed up against the door of her classroom as it rapidly vibrated, threatening to blow off its hinges, “I-I can’t hold off against the online breach much longer!”

“Just a little longer…!” the silver haired woman called out, hearing the sound to stomping footsteps growing closer and closer. And with them…

The sound.

That haunting sound, over and over again.

Nihahahahahaha!”

The door blew open, a stream of identical pink haired girls storming into the room. As they did, every single monitor in the room suddenly flashed, displaying an identical image of her stretched out face. Every single audio device in the room crackled to life, playing the same sound, over and over again.

Nihahahahahahaha!”

Sensei burst out from behind the desk, swinging up a pair of pilfered LMGs, three more strapped over her back, Say Hasta La Vista to my little babies!”

“T-That’s not how the quote go- UWAH!”

As the Shittim chest was breached by dozens of confused, identical virtual idols with leeks and blue hair, Sensei backed away from the advancing wave of pink, eventually pressing against the windows of the Sanctum Tower.

Her left LMG clicked, and she tossed it aside (where it bonked one of the attacking girls on the head) before swinging up a second LMG and wildly spraying.

The invading force seemed to thin out slightly, only for them to seemingly realize they too were equipped with their own identical LMGs, returning fire. The SCHALE office was shredded up by a tornado of flame and lead, the roar of the “Nihahahaha!” growing louder and louder.

“T-There’s too many of them, Sensei!” Arona let out a squeak, her face now squished up against the screen of the Shittim Chest, “I can’t…. I’m sorry…!”

A stray bullet shattered the window of the Sanctum Tower. Sensei stepped back towards the shattered window, glancing down below.

Dozens of taxis were pulling up to the building, Millennium forces climbing out and attempting to slow the tide of pink.

Turning back to the forces within the tower before her, Sensei considered her options.

Then-

You’ll never take me alive!”

She sprinted towards the window, only for a titanic hand to burst through, grabbing onto her. Huge shining pink eyes looked into her own as she was raised high into the sky.

Nihahahahaha!”

“Wait, nononono-!”


UGGGYAAAAHHH!” Sensei sat up screaming, clutching at her chest as blue flames erupted around her. Koyuki, who was curled up on the floor across from her in the Reflection Room, jolted.

“D-Don’t scare me like that!”

“S-Sorry… Just a nightmare…”

“Also, when did you get that shirt?”

Sensei glanced down, realizing she was now wearing a white T-shirt with a comically stretched image of Koyuki’s likeness on the front, the text ‘I survived the Koyuki Incident 31/08/25 Never Forget’ captioning it.

“...No, wait, what just happened?”

Notes:

On 31/08/2025, Blue Archive was hacked, with fake banner information pointing to various Koyuki-based media along with everyone's cafes getting overrun by countless Koyukis and also Hatsune Mikus. It would be swiftly fixed.

This fic was written to remember this event.

The Nihahapocalypse.

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