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Tadashi had grown accustomed to rising before the sun and sleeping long after it had set according to the whims of his master. Although he struggled at first, over time it became routine. Now, waking up was never an issue with or without an alarm. It was getting up that came with varying levels of difficulty.
Some days it was easy to roll out of bed and prepare for the day, but on others, there was nothing more alluring than the lull of his covers, coaxing him to stay and wallow in doubts and worries that would only grow heavier by the hour, regardless of how much he tried to keep himself busy.
Today was one of those days. With a clouded mind and heavy feet, Tadashi made his way to the bathroom, committing to a cold water shower that he hoped would clear his head. As he tugged on his suit and scrabbled with his tie, like all the other difficult days, he looked forward to one thing.
Waking Master Ainosuke.
Tadashi swept silently through the mansion. The path was familiar and as comforting as it could get without the bustle of maids and butlers populating the halls. Birds had started twittering softly outside the windows as the sun’s early glows seeped into the cold manor. No amount of warmth could erase the memories of this place.
He stopped in front of a set of double doors and pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket. Muscle memory plucked the corresponding key out of the jumbled set and Tadashi slid it into the keyhole, turning it quietly and slipping into Ainosuke’s bedroom.
Softly, he sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at his master’s sleeping face. Asleep, there was no mask of pleasantry, nor were there lines carved into his face by anger and annoyance. Instead it was replaced with a countenance of peaceful respite—a privilege that Tadashi revelled in.
Seeing Ainosuke reminded Tadashi of his purpose. Though he’d never waver in his loyalty, he could not help but toil over all the ways he could be replaced. His job wasn’t easy, but with enough effort and patience for his master and his ever changing moods, anyone could do his job as well—if not better—than him.
He was ashamed, but he craved reassurance that he knew he was unworthy of. He wanted to be useful, and he
wanted to know he was useful. To know that no longer was he burdening his master and instead was alleviating him of the pressures he faced daily.
After the beef with Langa, Ainosuke’s leniency only increased, and their days of skating together with nothing but fun paving the way became less of a memory and more of a purpose. With every loose-lipped praise and untethered smile, his desires only grew—ones he had sworn to only fantasize about and never bring into reality. However, the line between reality and fiction was starting to blur—his selfishness rearing its ugly head as Tadashi began to wish that Ainosuke would compliment more than his work and would bless him with his laughter; he longed to kneel by his feet, waiting patiently as Ainosuke would wrap his fingers beneath his jaw and whisper in his saccharine tone words meant only for Tadashi.
But what he wanted was not the same as what he deserved. What he deserved was to repent in silence until his master was satisfied, and even then that would still not be enough.
Tadashi only allowed these sorts of thoughts to surface in the silence of the daybreak, or the solemnity of the night.
In a fleeting moment of need, Tadashi lifted his hand from the bed and ran it through Ainosuke’s hair. From his hairline to his nape, slow and steady, working through tangles as gently as he could. On nights where his rest was as fitful as Tadashi’s, there would be more, and if he was lucky and Ainosuke didn’t have the heart to comb through it himself, he'd call for Tadashi, who’d be waiting outside the bathroom faithfully to come in and assist.
He revelled in the silkiness of each strand and every rise and fall of Ainosuke’s breath as he slept through the overstepping of boundaries between master and servant.
It was moments like these that Tadashi allowed himself to savour—permitted himself to allow fondness and affection into his heart as he gazed at the first and only love of his life.
Ainosuke had slept on his side today, Tadashi observed as he combed his fingers through his hair one more time, continuing to trace the path until it came to a rest on Ainosuke’s nape, resisting the urge to play with the short hairs there. Instead it came forward to cup his cheek, brushing against the bristles of stubble that had grown. Tadashi reminded himself to prepare hot steamed towels for a shave during the time Ainosuke took to shake off the morning daze.
With a final sweep of his thumb across Ainosuke’s cheekbone, his hand slid down the side of his neck and to his shoulder. He sighed, releasing some of the tension in his body, preparing himself for the day ahead. As usual, the slightly ornamented routine relieved him of some of the thoughts that had plagued him all morning. Indeed Ainosuke’s presence alone was enough.
He closed his fingers around the shoulder and gently shook.
“Ainosuke-sama, it’s time to wake up”
~~~~
To those unfamiliar with Tadashi, his face displayed pleasant politeness, a rare mild amusement, but most commonly deadpan and unreadable
However, to Ainosuke the study of Tadashi’s emotions extended further, and it was here that he truly experienced and understood that Tadashi’s actions spoke miles louder than his words. So much so, Ainosuke found it quite amusing to track Tadashi’s reactions and mannerisms, allowing him to discover and decipher the man’s true thoughts—ones that he would never say out loud. At least not yet. Not until Ainosuke could pry it from his lips personally.
Dragging feet while walking through the carpeted halls of the Shindo home after a visit to S meant fatigue. Clenched fists, white knuckled and hard enough to leave crescents in his palms indicated frustration, even anger—mostly reserved for teatimes with his aunts.
At first, reluctant to be alone, Ainosuke had to instruct Tadashi to stay, blending into the furniture like a wallflower as his aunts talked about the same three things—his prospective marriage, his political career and how much they loved and adored him despite not even being their son. Now, it took Ainosuke a command and a hard look to even make Tadashi step outside the room, much less leave the vicinity.
It always satisfied him to know that Tadashi was at the beck and call of him and only him. When the madames would give Tadashi a task to fabricate time alone with their nephew, he always waited for a nod of approval from Ainosuke before proceeding. The annoyance of his aunts smoothly slipping into pleasantry as they praised him on how well trained his dog was wasn’t enough to hide their gritted teeth and twitching eyebrows from someone who had grown up seeing the ugliest sides of the women.
To Ainosuke, Tadashi’s steadfastness was what kept him going despite public scrutiny and private reprimand from his aunts—his presence alone enough to keep his mind calm and his tongue sharp.
Despite facing his secretary everyday, there was one moment that he sorely looked forward to. Ainosuke had always been one to rise with the sun, but on the first occasion where Tadashi had come in to wake him up while he had already awoken, Ainosuke discovered how simple it was to see past his dog’s façade of inscrutability without needing to coax him at all. Between glimpses through lowered eyelashes in mock sleep and false shifting in the sheets, he’d caught whispers of what he had been yearning for from Tadashi for years on end.
Fingers through his hair, a gentle palm on his cheek—how Ainosuke preened at the affection that his puppy had to withhold everyday. He indulged in the touches and it became routine to blink awake minutes before the tell-tale creak of an opening door and near-soundless footsteps approaching his bed.
Today was no different. Ainosuke had woken as per usual and glanced at the clock.
5:29
Ainosuke smiled at the ceiling. He shut his eyes, drifting into a half-sleep, sure that he would wake when Tadashi would enter at 5:35 like clockwork. He found his thoughts drifting to the day’s agenda. A meeting at 8:30 with the board of old farts, an appearance for a short interview for public appearance’s sake and—
Click
And there it was. A few breaths later, the side of his bed dipped slowly as if Tadashi was testing the waters. Ainosuke wished for his silly puppy to simply dive right in.
He suppressed the urge to smile as he tried to predict what would come first. Would Tadashi sit and just watch? Perhaps it would be the day his puppy would lace their fingers together, for Ainosuke had enticingly left his hand out of the sheets, palm up and inviting. Could he even dare to imagine Tadashi slipping silently into his bed and under his covers for a few tantalizing minutes before leaving the side of his bed cold and waking him up as if nothing happened? No, his pup was much too cautious for that, but a man could dream.
He held his breath until he felt familiar fingers comb through his hair, gentle as if handling a precious, fragile item.
Time passed unknown to him as he continued to relish in the hesitant touches, repetitive enough to nearly lull Ainosuke back into sleep if it weren’t for the urge to find out what would come next. Oftentimes it was nothing, but on the rare occasion his puppy would be brave enough to toe the line further.
The hand moved to smooth over his bangs, over the crown of his head before landing on his nape.
Oh
Ainosuke was no innocent lover, but he could feel the heat rise to his neck. Tadashi wouldn’t notice would he? He was an observant man. Maybe he would assume it was a fever? Ainosuke would love to skip out on the meetings today. They were all for publicity anyways.
The fingers twitched lightly before it smoothed over his cheek. The palm tickled the bristles on his skin. Perhaps he could reward his puppy for his actions this morning by allowing him to shave him. It wouldn’t be the first time, and though Ainosuke would love to feel Tadashi’s experienced hands on him, he was far too efficient and quick at it for his liking. What he would give to feel Tadashi’s touch lingering on him knowing he’s awake for once.
Excited, Ainosuke waited as Tadashi’s hand then slipped down to his neck, shoulder and to his disappointment, it stopped. He had hoped it would go scandalously lower, but as Tadashi sighed, Ainosuke knew it signalled that the moment of peace was over.
He was shook awake and his favourite voice spoke
“Ainosuke-sama, it’s time to wake up”