Work Text:
Once upon a time, there was a boy. A stick boy. A stick boy named The Second Coming also known as Orange.
And he had a problem.
He fell in-love with a Bed.
Orange could not contain the love he felt for the bodaciously beautiful Bed. He goes to his very totally not self-conscious loser best friend Ga— I mean Green.
“Yo bro, you the rizzler. How do I rizz up the potential huz?” -Orange
“That’s a lil gay bro. But I gotchu. Your alpha sigma rizzler bro is here to save the day!” ✨ -Green
“Teach me the rizzler ways my sigma bestie” -Orange
— 69420 hours of spectacularly rizzful advice to ever be given known to all of stick kind —
“And there you have it mi amigo! Now you know the rizzler ways. Now GO FORTH! AND RIZZ THE BED LIKE THE RIZZLER YOU ARE!”
And so, the now rizz knowledged stick figure skips off into the night to go and meet with his own and true love of his life.
— We’re going to skip to the wedding bc no one wants to hear the sappy boyfriend boyfriend shit. We want huzbands —
“HERE YE, HERE YE!! WE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATETH THE DAY OF THE REUNITATION OF STICK BOY. AND BED BOY. TWO LOVELY GAYS HERE TODAY, TO BE MARRIED AND BECOMETH THE HUZ’Z!!!” -Victim
Orange graciously holds the legs??? of the Bed
“DOES ANY MOTHER FUCKERS OBJECT TO THIS WONDROUS REUNION OF LOVE????” -Victim
All of a sudden, the chapel doors are BLASTED OPEN.
“I. FUCKING. OBJECT.” -???
The audience in the chapel le gasp in HORROR
“CHOSEN ONE?!” -Orange
“ORANGE. YOU ARE A FUCKING SIXTEEN YEAR OLD. YOU CAN’T LEGALLY GET MARRIED. ESPECIALLY TO YOUR GODDAMN MINECRAFT BED!!!!!!” -Chosen
“WHY NOT?!” -Orange
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘WHY NOT’?!?!!” -Chosen
“HE’S MY ONE AND ONLY” -Orange
“IT’S YOU’RE FUCKING BED.” -Chosen
Hatsune Blue dramatically wipes a tear as Yellow pats her shoulder. The Dark Lord then proceeded to BOLT and tackle his own huzband to the damn ground. Before getting to his feet proudly
“Carry on lad!” -British Dark
“Cheers lad” -Victim
“Of course lad” -British Dark
“And so, may the huzbands hug to fulfil this wholesome marriage!” -Victim
And then Orange and Bed lived happily ever after. The end.
OR SO YOU THOUGHT
One day, 420 days after the once glorious marriage. Bed was alone. Orange had not returned for his daily nap. Bed was rightfully furious. And heartbroken.
It goes to Red, stomping on the ground, silently demanding Red to be a divorce attorney.
To which Red. Agrees. Because fuck Orange for that desert fight. He was in the wrong.
The two worked for days on days on days on days to gather the knowledge of divorceness, they finally confront Orange with le divorce papers.
Orange yells “NO” at the top of his digital lungs causing Bed to have a fucking heart attack and DIES.
Panicked, Orange and Red flee the scene to forever hiding from Alan who is the police because yes. And now live on DJ’s desktop.
The end.
Bonus:
“Why the fuck was everyone just okay with Orange marrying a bed???” -Chosen
“Funni” -Mexican Dark