Chapter Text
Tik Tok, Tik Tok goes the old grandfather clock resting in the far-right corner of the room. Alone. Imposing. Its rhythmic ticking echoing through the silent like some peacock on meth and….FUCK!
I give up. I don’t even know where I was going with this. I obviously was trying my hand at some poetry, but it failed.
Goethe or Brecht I am not. So let me just cut the shit and get straight to the point. I am currently resting on my couch. Facing the TV in my near-perfect replica of my house's living room. Well, OUR house if you add my three disjointed cousins. But they’re not part of this simulation, so this might as well be my house now. Plus, who was the one shilling out for both the water and electricity?
ME!
So, I think it’s fair to say that it WAS, indeed, my house, in all but name. Since I was the one covering most of its expenses for many years. Granted, Albert was the one shilling for the gas during winter. But that was only for like…2 months maybe? Sometimes even less, thanks to global warming and all that crap. So even when factoring that in, I was still the one covering most of our living expenses. Hell, I was even the one paying for the god damn internet. Alexander especially would have probably DIED without it. Maybe that’s what I should have done. Cut off the internet and watch him slowly DIE of boredom. No criminal court of justice system can prove death by boredom. But even if it did work, it would have meant paying for the coffin, the funeral rites, and a shit ton of paperwork, which comes with it, and all that fucking jazz, and the more I think about it, the more expensive it gets. Not to mention tedious.
Bureaucracy is a bitch. Even for someone who used to engage with it for a living.
You know what, never mind. I am glad that he is still alive. Because it means that he is WAAAY over there, and I am here. Not the most ideal circumstances, but I’ll take what I can get.
It’s all about those small W’s in life after all, even if said W unfortunately revolves around being stuck inside a metal box as a biomechanical machine.
Wait…what am I even doing? Narrating to myself.
Is this what four years of near constant isolation can do to you? Where you start talking to some invisible audience just to entertain yourself?
Fuck.
Thinking about it now, I can’t believe how quickly four years have passed. How it took me four years just to get this far on my own little vanity project. All of its smallest details. Street signs, names, even the old coffee stain on the couch. All meticulously placed, as best as I can remember. And despite all of this, all of this time, it’s still not done.
It’s still missing one key component.
People.
Not just people, but maybe also birds and animals, and I don’t know how too. Right now, if I get up and walk outside, all you will be able to see are empty and deserted streets. No cars, no people, no trash, nothing. Just me, my thoughts, and an occasional gust of wind.
At least I managed to figure out how to simulate weather and seasons. Something which took me at least a year to get right. Though there was the occasional tornado or hurricane which swept through the town duo to some glitches. But nothing I couldn’t fix.
But still, it took time. A lot of time. So much time spent on perfecting this virtual world without any notable gains in the physical.
Is this how being a game dev feels?
“At least I can finally drink some coffee.” I comment to myself after summoning a coffee mug in my right hand and a mouth below my eyes to drink with.
It doesn’t hit the same. But it’s the best I have, or rather, can do.
Remember, it’s all about the small W’s in life…all about those small w’s.
*Beep beep*
*Beep beep*
I freeze mid-sip.
“The hell is that noise? I didn’t install a fancy fire alar-OH wait. Someone is trying to call me.” I recall out loud.
I summon a screen right in front of me just so I can tap the chat call icon in the middle to generate another screen right next to it. Granted, it’s not as efficient as just pulling up the chat screen with my mind like how I used to. But it feels a lot more intuitive, you know? You see, I did a bit of re-coding in my “free time”. Just so I can have a desktop-like experience with my own systems. To make it more, “interactive,” so to say.
Again, is it efficient?
No.
Does it give me a sense of familiarity?
Yes.
And that’s what I wanted.
Familiarity over practicality.
Form over function.
Another piece of my old life, transferred into my new one.
Is this refusal to move on healthy in the long run? Probably not. But who cares about the long-term effects? I’m a glutton for badly calculated decisions, so why should I give a shit? It’s like repeatedly shooting yourself in the foot. The first couple of times hurt. But after a while, the pain stops because you’ll no longer have a foot to feel with.
Where was I? Ah, yes, about to accept someone’s calls. And after that wonderfully placed allegory that at least killed half a minute, I tapped on the “accept call” button without even checking the caller's ID as a certain “Green_Mean_Machine” appears on the chat call window.
“Hey Christoph!” NSH waves. “Long time no see there buddy. How’s it…”He suddenly pauses while just staring at me with a somewhat confused expression.
“Is…is that MOUTH?” He exclaims while jerking back a bit.
“Huh?” I respond before realizing my mistake. “S-SHIT!” I exclaim as I quickly throw the mug away before turning around. “Hold on, I have to…FUCK! I didn’t even know that I could accept calls here. FUCK! SHIT! VERDAMMT NOCH MAL” I swore in German as I tried to immediately shut off the simulation around me and return to real space. But not without causing the entire thing to glitch out for trying to shut this thing off by force.
The world around me started to flicker and distort horribly, which, from Sig's perspective, must look substantially worse with the video compression doing its thing. Not to mention the sound. A cacophony of ear-piercing noise which I can only describe as sounding vaguely similar to the old dial-up sound your modem would make when trying to connect to the internet back during the 90’s, only much more high pitched…and chaotic.
Thank God I don’t have actual ears anymore, otherwise I might be deaf right now.
Either way, once the chaos was over with my mind returned to real space where I found myself back inside my puppet, sitting cross-legged inside my chamber, did the awful experience finally stop. Also, I had to summon another chat screen in front of me since it apparently transfers itself over into real space automatically. Allowing me to resume my conversation with Siggy, who, in turn, looked absolutely shellshocked from what he just witnessed.
Also, did I just call him Siggy?
…the fuck is wrong with me?
“Before you ask any unnecessary questions, let me iterate all of this by simply saying. It’s a work in progress.” I state, almost as a matter of fact.
“I…” He pauses. “Wait…was that the simulated world you’ve been working on these past 4 years? Were you actually able to broadcast it through a video call?” He asks, looking surprised.
“Uh…Yeah?” I dart my eyes left and right awkwardly. “I…wasn’t even aware I could do that. Well…until just now, of course.” I reply.
“Ooh…can you… maybe show me more of it perhaps?” He asks before moving really close towards the screen. Filling it with his big green head.
“Eh…how about another time. I mean, you just saw what happened.” I reply.
“Aww.” He sighs, dropping his head. Looking quite disappointed.
It almost makes me feel sorry for him.
Almost.
He quickly composes himself. “Either way, as much as I would love to just sit here and chat with ya all cycle long. I can’t. I called you for a very important reason. One which holds the very FATE of our universe. Are you READY?” He proclaims in an oh so dramatic way while striking a pose.
I have known him long enough to know that he likes to put on a show from time to time. So, I just roll my eyes and wait for him to continue his theatrics.
He doesn’t.
Instead, he keeps holding his pose while staring at me. Expecting me to play along or just give him some kind of cue to trigger the next scene.
So I gave him a cue. By just waving my right hand for him to keep going.
He frowns. “Geeze, you're no fun today.” He complains.
“Well, I just horrifically crashed my life’s work in front of you. So sorry if I’m not in the mood for your theatrics.” He replied.
He responds by quietly whining before fixing up both his robe and scarf, and readjusting himself in front of the camera. I can again see his umbilical briefly moving off frame, alongside the cables attached to the back of his head. Floating around in the background.
Maybe I should turn on my anti-gravity field. It would make moving around a lot less strenuous. For my umbilical, I mean.
I have all of these fantastical abilities and rarely make use of them. Why? Because I’m a simple man with simple goals. Whatever excuse works, I guess.
“Anyway, theatrics aside, I called you for a reason.” He starts.
“Well, shoot.” I respond while crossing my arms.
He seems to physically prepare himself, as it took him several seconds to respond.
“Well, Moon and the rest of the group have finally agreed to let you join our local group. Moon gave me a Data Key, which will allow access to our communications network. If the key actually works on you, that is.” He mumbles that last bit out. More to himself rather than towards me.
I view this sudden proposition with an air of skepticism as I raise an eyebrow. I mean, we had this topic before, I believe, and now after 4 years, they're finally ok with this? I remember Moon stating that there are too many problems with this, and now there isn’t? They have to be a catch. Some sort of price he hasn’t disclosed yet.
“Ok…what’s the catch then?” I express my thoughts out loud. Squinting at him. Something he quickly took note of as his previously lax demeanor gave way to a sense of nervousness behind his optical receptors. Shrinking underneath my gaze. Or maybe I am just being a bit too dramatic with my assessment.
Could be the latter.
“Catch?” He feigns ignorance. “There is no catch. I mean, I have the key right here.” He declares before I suddenly receive a ping on a new console which just appeared on my right. Informing me that “NSH” is trying to send me some stuff over. A string of Data the be exact.
“With this, you can register yourself and gain access to our network. There is one small favor attached to it, though.” He then adds.
AH, I knew it. I fucking knew it!
“Alright, what type of favor?” I ask as I download whatever he just sends me. Need to scan it for any malicious code before executing whatever is on it. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way once, and since then, I have been extremely paranoid whenever someone sends me something on the internet.
The fact that I am receiving this from someone I can “vaguely” trust doesn’t change that. I mean, ignoring the difference in hardware used in this world (which is mostly biological), the programming language they use in this fever dream is almost the same. It just needs a bit of re-coding and a bit of logic to make it ‘one to one’ identical.
It’s insane how Identical both worlds are in terms of software, when everything else couldn’t be further away.
Call it a funny coincidence or a glitch in the matrix. The point I am trying to make is…I first need to scan this so-called “Data Key” before doing anything else, and it took me more than a minute just to get this point across to a nonexistent audience.
…yup…I’m mad. I have officially gone mad, and it only took me 4 years and another 80 in limbo to finally realize that.
I need a damn coffee break.
“…I mean, upload speeds would be slow, but it will…were you even listening?” Sig asks once he realizes I wasn’t paying attention.
I blink a couple of times to refocus my eye receptor so that Sig’s annoyed expression doesn’t look so damn blurry and unfocused.
“W-what? Did you say something?” I ask while looking back at him.
“I probably should have asked him first before sending him the key.” I hear him mumble to himself while burying his face with his right hand, looking oh so tired.
He then looks back. “I WAS explaining to you some of the imposed limits this key has and why we put them in place. Weren’t you listening at all?” He asks, looking slightly miffed.
“Uh, let’s say I didn’t. Would you then be so kind as to repeat that, please?” I ask while pressing my hands together in a prayer position to make myself look more sympathetic, I guess?
No idea where I was going with that but it’s better than trying to do those damn puppy dog eyes. I’m NOT doing those. I still have a bit of pride left in me after all. So fucking no.
Also, Sig sighs before closing his eyes. “Fine, I have to anyway since this information is very important.” He states before opening his eyes again. “Alright, let me start by cutting off some of the fluff from earlier and just get to the gist of it. First, this key will only grant you limited access to the net, for one simple reason.” He announces by raising his right index finger in front of him. “To hide your online presence from the Council and those who regularly scan and monitor the net for any possible bugs and errors.”
“And before you ask, yes, you’ll still leave a footprint, regardless of how little bandwidth you have, which is why Moon has taken it up to herself to scrub the net of what little evidence of you whenever you go back offline. To keep you hidden. That’s basically why the limit is there: it’s to make it easier for Moon to wipe whatever data you leave for using our network. It's rather crude, I know, but it’s the best solution she could come up with without making it too complicated.”
“That’s basically the gist of it.” He finalizes before once again giving off a long sigh. One expressing exhaustion and fatigue.
A feeling I know all too well.
“So…that’s it?” I throw my arms up. “You called me to just hand me the shittiest Wi-Fi service out there?”
“Well…”He pauses. “Wait, what’s a Why-Fei?” He then asks. Getting off topic.
“Forget it.” I wave it off. “But what I can’t forget is this. Why even go through all of this trouble? Why hand me a key I can hardly make use of? If you and the others are that paranoid, then why not wait until the ancients go off themselves? I mean, I no longer age, so I've got time. I can wait a 1000 years if I have to.” I explain before crossing my arms.
“Yeah, about that…”He pauses before looking off the side and rubbing the back of his head. “Shit, I’m not even sure if he even wants to help us or not. I should have asked him first before even agreeing to this. What if he says no? What am I going to tell the others if he does?” He quietly mumbles to himself once again, completely ignoring, or not even realizing the fact that I can still hear him clear as day through the acoustic projectors hidden behind the walls of my chamber.
“You know I can still fucking hear you right?” I call out.
“No, you fucking DON’T!” He suddenly rebukes while shoving his face right in front of the camera.
I instinctively flinch back. “Whoa, chill. I can tell you look stressed, so no need to yell. If you need a break, we can just cut this call short so that you can…”
“No wait, I have too…” He then freezes before burying his face inside his hands and just staying like, silently, for a good minute or two. Once he removes his hands from his face I can finally see. Even through the video compression. The look in his eyes, the look of a man who just survived a 16-hour work day for a whole fucking week. Or even months. Some snap sooner than others. But that look in his eyes…I can…sympathize.
I know how this shits feels. You and me, brother.
…wait, did I just call him my brother?
QUICK! DISTRACTION!
“Look, let’s just cut the bullshit and get straight to the point, alright? So, you mentioned something about ‘asking me for help’? What kind of help, if I may be so bold as to ask?”
He sighs. “Well…”He stops before looking off to the side. “It… has something to do with the ‘Big Problem’. You know the thing you strongly rejected when I first brought it up?” He asks while rubbing his left arms with an almost shy/awkward expression.
“Yeah?” I gesture for him to keep going.
“Well…”He and his aggravating pauses. “We simply need some help with it. That’s all. The others and I have been working on it non-stop for almost a year, trying to get any headway in trying to solve it, and we are really feeling the burnout right now. It wouldn’t be so bad if we were allowed to have a break once in a while. But alas, we don’t, and yet, we are still struggling to catch up somehow. Compared to other nearby groups, I mean. So, me and the others were hoping that you could maybe…”I quickly stopped him by raising a hand.
“Hold on. So let me get this straight. You guys are forced to work overtime, with zero breaks. Is that correct?” I ask. He just nods.
“Oh, for fucks sake.” I sigh before rubbing my nonexisting brows. Crunch, one of the worst ideas ever brought up by mortal man. I can still remember my early years working at the office, all of the unnecessarily short deadlines, ungodly work hours, and the surprise layoffs of the newbies who couldn’t perform. I was lucky enough to have two seniors take some of the work off my shoulders; otherwise, I might have been one of those aforementioned newbies to get laid off. I basically got hired at the worst time possible. The company was being bought off, and the new owners were eager to “trim the fat,” so to say, to make some of their investments back ASAP.
Capitalism can be such a curse sometimes. But that’s just how our world is. Or rather, how it used to.
Either way, things finally started to look up for me when I was finally given the position to join the dickhead at H.R. You know, the position which allows you to act like an asshole for a living. Well…I was always an asshole long before getting that promotion. The only difference then was that I finally got paid for it.
Massive difference.
Easily the biggest break I've gotten since high school. College is a different topic for a different day, and one I shall revisit on another date.
But first…
“You know what. Fine.” I declared, after my monologue was over. Maybe I should just start recording those to make myself look less like a madman who keeps talking to himself.
But then again, who cares? No one’s here to judge me besides…well…ME, and I keep sending away any company I might receive away, usually in the form of junkies and other social outcasts. Since when has my Can become a magnet for the weird and strange? I thought these Tibetan metal heads were extremely superstitious. So why do I keep attracting them? Is it the same thing for humans? The more you forbid something, the more enticing it becomes?
“Fine? Does this mean you will help?” Sig asks, surprised, and interrupting me from my train of thought.
I blink. “Yeah, I guess. I think it's about time I do something productive for change.” I declare.
“Plus, I am also somewhat curious about what these oddballs have you working on.”
“So yeah, those are my excuses I chose to go with. Take it or leave it.” I declare, finalizing my offer.
I watch him do a little fist bump while hissing out the word “Yes”.
Is it really that important? Either way, he quickly starts typing something away off-screen, which I took as an opportunity to lean back against my umbilical arm and cross my legs for better comfort.
“You’ll have to log yourself in with the data key I gave you before I am even allowed to send you the research files I have prepared for you.” He states, before looking back at me.
“Huh? Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” I react before disengaging my pose and doing just that. Running the executable inside the file Sig sends me, and quickly skipping through the process like the average PC user that I am. Next, next, next, yes, confirm, fuck off.
In hindsight, I should have probably scanned it first, like I was planning to earlier. I am literally committing the same mistake since last time like a complete fucking dumbass.
Eh, too late now. If I suddenly fall over with the measles, it’s all his fault.
“Alright, I think it’s done?” I announced after I was greeted with a big fat “O.K.” sign right in front of my vision once the installation was completed.
“Is it? Have you registered yourself first before logging in?” He asks.
“Register? How the hell am I supposed to do that?” I ask, genuinely confused.
“You…should have an option now to do that now?” He replies, tilting his head.
“Uh…” I pause for a few moments before just searching through my mental logs to look for any new changes or settings that might have popped up. See, this is why I prefer to restructure all of my system controls to mimic the look and function of Windows or Mac. Because having visual cues is so much more natural for me compared to just controlling everything inside my head.
Again, it's faster, sure, but it’s not as intuitive, and I prefer form over function when it comes to this. So, sue me.
“Ah, wait! I think I found it.” I declare after…well…finding it.
“Good, so have you registered already?” He asks.
“Slow the fuck down alright? One step at a time.” I call out.
“So-sorry”
“Hmm, let’s see here, name, password. Profile icon for whatever reason. I don’t have one, so skip. Username, again superfluous, aaand done. So, what happens no…” I froze as my mind was abruptly flooded with half a dozen pings, with 20 or 30 screens suddenly popping up right in front of me all at once. Containing forced messages and short greetings.
Most of them are attached to names I’ve never fucking heard of. “Ten Falling Leaves” “Unyielding Desire”? Who the fuck are these people? Wait, there is an Iterator called “Honey Pot Bagel? They have BAGLES in this world?
- Ten Falling Leaves: Oh, hey, a brand-new Iterator has come online. Welcome.
- Unyielding Desire: Hello there. Welcome to the World Wide Web.
- Honey Pot Bagel: Quick question. Do you enjoy tea or coffee with your bagels?
“Uh…Christoph? What is…you suddenly froze. Is everything alright?” I hear Sig ask with a clear hint of concern behind his voice, which thankfully broke my stupor.
I shake my head. “Wait…I thought you said this key is only meant to give me access to your local group, correct?” He nods.
“So, who the fuck are all of these people?” I emphasize by dragging a few of these messages next to me so that Sig can see them.
He squints. “Wait…those messages. I recognize some of those names. Those are Iterators who are members of nearby groups. Wait…” His eyes go wider.” Does this mean you now have access to the world-wide net?” He asks.
“I…wait…you mean the Internet, right? Because this shit looks like Facebook Messenger to me in terms of layout and color. Huh, Facebook Messenger. Now there is an app I haven’t used for a really long while. Ah, the nostalgia.” I comment, momentarily getting off track, fantasizing about the good old days. The days when I still had a mouth to eat bagels with and when I wasn’t stuck inside a giant metal box 24/7.
Those were the days.
“Face…never mind.” He shakes his head before rubbing his temples with both hands. Groaning. “Dear void below, I can't believe Moon somehow gave him the access key for the Neural Net.” He mutters.
“Please don’t tell me you registered yourself with your actual name.” He pleads.
I scoffed. “Pff. Of course not. I’m not THAT stupid. I just came up with a string of words and used that as my registered username.” I confirm.
“Oh, thank the void below.” He sighs with relief. That means I did something right, right? Right.
“Is ‘Five Clovers under the Sun’ an acceptable user name by any chance?” I ask, just out of curiosity, and not to calm down my sudden sense of panic, of course.
“What? Oh yeah, it's fine. A bit long for an Iterator name but totally acceptable all things considered.” He confirms.
“Ah good.” Now it was my turn to sigh. Internally though.
“Ok…minor/major situation aside, I should be able to send you the files now without any issues. Tell me if you’re receiving them?” He asks while again tapping away off-screen.
Two seconds later, I get another ping. Warning me that “No Significant Harassment” is trying to send me some files. I immediately gave them a look and was instinctively forced to jerk back at their listed file size.
11.8 terabytes. What the hell is he sending me?
“Why is it so large?” I voice my thoughts out loud to Sig.
“Large? What do you mean large? They are actually quite reasonably sized given their content. I even compressed them down even further so that downloading them would be a lot quicker for you, given your limited bandwidth at the moment. Or so I thought.” He looked a bit annoyed at the end. I don't know why.
But either way, time to download this shit so that I can…aaaand done.
Damn. I wish I had internet this freaking fast when I was still human. It would have made downloading “The Office” and a bunch of other sitcoms I used to watch so much quicker. But alas, it is what it is.
“Ok, so let’s see what you and the others have been slaving on these past couple of decades.” I told myself as I unzipped the fi….HALT! First scan it, THEN unzip it. I will not make the same mistake twice.
Ok, seems safe. Now, let’s see what’s inside so that I can…
I immediately froze a second time in a row, staring at the first research notes I’ve opened up. Utterly confused as I tried to make heads or tails of what it is that I am reading here.
“What the hell is all THIS SHIT!” I gesture dramatically at the massive wall of text displayed in front of me.
“What do you mean?” I hear Sig ask.
“I mean this massive wall of text right here.” I again gesture dramatically at it as if he were here next to me. “There aren’t even any spaces or punctuation in between these lines. It just keeps on and on and on and ON, and that’s not mentioning the shit I don’t even understand. I mean, what is karma symbol divided by Karma symbol underscore 1 underscore 146 times 184 square root and another karma symbol?” I rant before forcing myself to calm down. Pinching the bridge between my “nonexistent” eyebrows.
“Ok, I can do this. I just need a bit of time to research all of this and learn what all of this karma crap means, ok? Read up on the whole philosophy and concept behind karma, and freshen up my knowledge on advanced mathematics. It’ll take a bit of time. But I’ll get there. If that is ok with you?” I ask while looking back at Sig.
He shrugs. “I mean, sure, I guess. I don’t want to pressure you, of course, if you feel it necessary to take a bit of time to catch up. Though…” He perks up.” I can also help you with that if you want. I may not be an expert when it comes to theology, but I can at least teach you the basics of it. If you like?” He offers.
“Sure, I guess. “It is my time to shrug, “if you have the time.” I reply.
“I do, but not that much.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Moon is covering for me as we speak, but I doubt she can keep this up for long. So, pleaaaase….”He literally pleads with his hands pressed together. “…focus, because I don’t know how much time I can spare.” He adds while looking at me, almost desperately.
I groan. Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ll try to keep my thoughts from wandering off. Really, it’s just a Hu…”I quickly stop myself before saying too much. I mean he already saw what I was working on…well…a tiny piece of it.
But he is going to forget or ignore what he saw. I am sure he is quietly asking questions as I think this. So, I might be fucked either way. But still, I’ll keep the charades going as long as I can to divert suspicion.
Like CHANGING THE SUBJECT.
“Anyway, let's get started while I’m still focused.” I announce while getting my “game face” on.
“Alright, so where do you want to start?” He asks.
Good question. Where do I even start?