Chapter Text
Shoto wants his family to be happy
and Shoto knows he’s the reason they’re not happy, his birth was a curse that was barely disguised as a blessing
—
Dying
Touya knew Shoto was a curse, the moment he laid his eyes on his baby brother, he knew that nothing would be the same
and he was right
though deep down he knew that Shoto wasn’t at fault
After all, his father stopped training Touya completely
and what did that lead to?
It lead to Touya’s downfall, it lead to desperation from the boy to achieve his father’s approval, desperation to mean something, anything
Touya wanted to be a hero, his body wanted to fail him
And nobody understood, nobody understood the pressure his father put on him, his purpose in life is to be a hero, and he’d never get to be one because of his stupid body, his body was made for a weakling but his soul is a hero’s
of course, any dream of his to be a hero would burn with his body on Sekoto Peak
Death, before Touya ever got to drive or drink alcohol, Touya experienced death
and that broke his family even more, the family that was like an already broken vase, held together with tape and a hope for a better future, now smashed to pieces only a fool would try to piece back together
—
repairing
Fuyumi has always wanted a normal life, it’s not much to ask for, but for the Todoroki family, a normal life is a dream
Being the second oldest and her father’s unwanted daughter, she spent most of her early days with her mother and helping around the house, doing small things
Fuyumi would savour those moments, because after Shoto was born, her mother was never the same, her eyes were so much more dull, so empty, so lifeless
and then Touya burned on Sekoto peak
the house without any love had never felt so empty
Fuyumi was still grieving, trying to cope with her older brother’s death, now she burdened the responsibility of taking care of Natsuo, she didn’t need to care for Shoto, she had barely even talked to him
though that didn’t mean she didn’t want to talk to the boy, you could even say that she was curious about him despite living in the same house as him
But the chances of ever talking to him were long gone after her mother burned half of Shoto’s face
and now she’s gone
and Fuyumi is left to pick up the pieces
—
escaping
Natsuo wouldn’t choose to be a Todoroki if he had the choice
obviously he loves his siblings, but that’s the only good thing that came out this mess of a family
He sometimes wonders what life would’ve been like had his father been a better man, or if he simply never married in the first place
but the idea of Endeavour being a good person is so foreign that it hurts
the man that took everything from them gets to reel in success and fortune, and yet it’s never enough, he just had to take their childhood as well
The moment Natsuo was able to move out and live at his college dorms he took it, he’d rather die than stay in that hellish household any longer, the house that held a past of pain and suffering, where only one man won everything at the cost of everyone else lost everything
But it doesn’t matter how far he runs
he’s always connected back to that man
—
regretting
If you were to ask Dabi what was his biggest regret, he probably tell you to mind your own business
but he does have an answer to that
his biggest regret is not taking his siblings with him when he “died”
Now, would he have taken Shoto? Probably not, that little shit took everything from him, the moment Shoto was born, Touya knew he had fully been replaced, Touya was thrown away into the trash in favour of a baby, a baby who would never get to truly live a good life
and it’s for that exact same reason that Dabi thinks that in an alternate timeline, he took all of his siblings
In some far and distance timeline, Touya Todoroki took his younger siblings with him and they all got to live a better life, realistically this is something only an idiot would think of, it’s unrealistic and stupid
Or maybe in an alternate timeline Enji was a good man, he had three kids and raised them all equally with love, Touya would become a pro hero and ride through the ranks because of his skill, Touya would play games with Fuyumi and Natsuo, they’d all cook dinner together, and they’d all stay up on weekends to watch whatever was on TV, perhaps they would play football in the backyard or maybe they’d have spa days at Fuyumi’s insistence or maybe they would just lay on the sofa together in a calm silence
But that didn’t happen, that would never happen now, because in this timeline Touya died on Sekoto Peak and Dabi was made from the ashes, in this timeline, Enji is the devil’s right hand man, this is the timeline where nobody has a happy ending, because Shoto was born
You could reason with Dabi and say it’s not entirely Shoto’s fault, and Dabi knew deep down it wasn’t the kid’s fault, but Dabi chooses to hold resentment against Shoto
Because in no timeline is Shoto his brother
—
Fixing
Shoto knows his only real purpose in life is to surpass All Might, after all, it was drilled into his head ever since he had a quirk
Since he was a child he’s been trained, or more accurately, abused, he clearly remembers throwing up because of the cruel training, he remembers how his hand felt on his face, slaps, punches, kicks, all of it in the name of “getting stronger”
His purpose in life is to be the greatest, and despite all the support he’s gotten from his father, there’s always a feeling within him that tells him that he is nothing without his quirk, he would’ve ended up like Fuyumi or Natsuo had he been born with a useless quirk
or worse, like Touya
Shoto knows he’s responsible for Touya’s death, and he also knows that if his family had to choose between Touya and himself, they’d choose Touya in a heartbeat
on silent nights where the sound of his heart is the loudest thing in the room, he wonders if it should’ve been him that died, had Shoto been a miscarriage or simply died before he ever lost a tooth, would Touya still be alive? Would anything change? Or was Shoto so insignificant to everyone’s lives that nothing would change?
Deep down, he knows his thoughts are just that, thoughts, or at least he hopes they are, deep within him he genuinely wants to be loved, to be cared for, just once
and so, Shoto got up from his bed and left his room, he walked through the corridors of the soulless house and went down the cold stairs to the kitchen, and opened the medicine cabinet
he stared at the medicine within their small boxes for what felt like an eternity, before turning his back and walking away
He shouldn’t do it today, she should just go back to sleep and everything would be okay, everything was going to be okay- but how could anything be okay? He can’t even name three traits about himself, he’s felt so lifeless for his whole life, there’s nothing for him except for being a hero and his quirk
Yes he may have his friends, Izuku, Ochako, Iida and everyone else, but how long until they leave? Until they get sick and tired of him? He truly does cherish his friends, so they should just find someone else to talk to during lunch and outside of school, he doesn’t deserve their kindness, a heartless son of a monster doesn’t deserve people he can call friends, let alone them
Shoto looked back to the cabinet
and genuinely thought about it, would ending it all fix anything? Would it grant him peace? Would he be free of expectations? Would anyone truly care?
He walked back, and this time he knew what he was doing
grabbed a handful of pills from a bottle, and dry swallowed them all
he felt woozy for a moment, then nauseous, everything was blurring together, he felt sick, he wanted to throw up
but he wasn’t going to fail, he’s been raised to never fail
everything felt blurry, before it all went dark
and Shoto prayed it would stay that way