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Roze never thought that something from their past could spring up all the way out here, in Elderwood. Where the air was charged with the hum of Flow and the shadows hid more than just unusual creatures and plants. Many humans ventured in here to discover its secrets, both for the various needs of their Majiri brethren and their own curiosity of what they could find here. For Roze, it was a place where all the pretense and woes of the world melted away to reveal just how strange, dangerous, and beautiful this world really was.
Roze just... wasn't expecting to see their name of all the way out here.
Rozen. Carved in perfect relief in Flow-infused hardwood. The letters were warped and stretched with time, all ten thousand years of it. Maybe it was the deep forest playing tricks on her, the Flow messing with their perception of time and space. The possibility gnawed at the back of her head, but she wasn't certain. Jina would know better about it, or Caleri if she was in a good mood.
Zeki, if Roze was desperate enough to put up with his smarmy front.
But Roze was human; Flow just... acted differently around them, the same as it did with any human. There was little chance it could warp her perception so vividly. And when they reached up along the rough bark to trace the deep groves with her fingers, there was no denying that somehow, somewhen, they carved their name into this tree to leave behind as a memento.
Hassian would have my skin if he found out, she thought with a quiet snort, but the humor was short-lived. Distantly, they recalled the practice being used either as a tag of sorts, a way to let others know who was here before them. Crude and harmful. They felt ashamed that whoever they were back then decided this was a good idea. In fact, the thought of doing anything like that now made a part of their conscience (which also sounded a lot like Hassian) firmly admonish even entertaining the idea. But that distant voice she couldn't place echoed back with a feeling of... sentimentality.
The other reason for doing this, was to immortalize the names of close friends. Or lovers. Their eyes traced down to another set of marks, these far too stretched and mangled by the marks of time to be legible. Another name. Lost.
Just like everything else about them.
Why? Why is it that every time they stumbled across any new clues about who they were, where they came from, it was quickly hidden or snatched away by more puzzles, crumbled ruins, or the fucking Order getting too damn nosy? The Phoenix pulled them from the void, let them have a face and a name, and what, that's it? Roze tended to avoid thinking about it, often too busy foraging or hunting down the perfect gifts for the villagers and trying to prove their worth to the community.
Jel always has to dream about the most obscure creatures... but it's worth it to see him smile for real.
But at the end of the day, when she finally managed to drag herself back to her humble yet blossoming plot... what was she left with? An empty house and their own thoughts that had been building up behind their mask of quips and smiles.
Their hand clawed against the wood, a vain attempt to try to rip the other name out of the gnarled bark. What if it belonged to a human that had already 'woken up' like her? They could find that person and find out about their pasts together! Did they do this before humanity vanished, knowing their time was short? Or for a different reason entirely? Perhaps they were friends, lovers even! Both hands reached up to try and uncover the hidden name, ignoring when the wood bit back and cut her hand in several places. Pain didn't have time to register; if anything, it served to spur them on more.
Finally. They could finally get a clue as to why they were here.
Please, give me something-!
They had just managed to uncover what could have been a 'D' in the bark, when there was a loud 'snap' and the branches gave way beneath their feet.
No, not now!
The ground was too close to pull out their glider in time. Roze could only scramble to protect their head with their bleeding hands as they braced for a soggy impact.
Dammit, no-!
"Roze!" Roze's eyes shot open as strong arms encircled their waist, the air punched out of her as she was suddenly moving laterally instead of straight down. Earth, sea salt, and natural musk filled her nose before her savior grunted, feet landing on solid (ish) ground. That voice! Hassian-?
They felt their heart race a mile a minute, eyes wide as she turned to face him. He was looking down, trying to slow his breathing while keeping them firm in his arms. They had bulked up noticeably in the months since awakening, but being held by Hassian reminded them that he had spent an entire life living in harmony forests. And it showed in how his arms barely seemed to struggle keeping her held aloft.
"W-What are you doing?" they asked, voice small. Hassian's eyes snapped up to hers, and she flinched under his ire.
"I should be asking you that question," he grunted, setting them down gently, "you're lucky I happened to be in the area," Roze's face grew hot at how much of a fool they must have looked, eyes falling to the ground. A sharp stinging in their fingers made them wince, and Hassian's frown deepened, "What did you do?"
"Um—" His hands grabbed theirs before they could answer, holding them firmly. Several gashes in their fingertips bled slowly, the damp air seeping into the wound and slowing clotting. Hassian clicked his teeth, annoyed.
"Unbelievable." Roze winced again, cheeks burning as he reached into his pouch for something. Frustration and embarrassment boiled over in her chest, and she could feel her lip starting to tremble. Dammit!
"I-It's fine, I can patch those myself!" she snapped, pulling her hands back. Hassian started, staring at them like she'd grown a second head. Over the time she'd been here, Roze had made an impression on him and the rest of Kilima Village as an 'air type' personality; easy-going, humorous, kind-hearted yet free-spirited. It was rare for her to snap at anyone. And never at Hassian, before now.
"Roze," his voice was quieter now, "follow me. Before something dangerous catches your scent." And he turned to walk away, not waiting to see if they followed. Wordlessly, they grabbed their supplies and trailed after, fighting back the heat of tears all the while.
I've worked so hard to try and gain his respect, and look at me now; falling out of trees and probably causing all kinds of damage. He probably won't talk to me for a long time after this—
"I have a camp just up ahead. We'll be safe there for now," Hassian's voice cut through their downward spiral, jolting her back to their current situation. In the distance, the grunt of those strange giant lizard... things echoed, altering the pair of their proximity. Hassian's pace quickened, and she was quick to do the same.
"Okay," they replied, holding their hands close to their chest. Hassian reached out to gently move a bunch of glowing wisteria flowers out of the way when Roze finally noticed something, "where's Tau?"
"He doesn't like this place," he replied without offering further explanation. That... made sense. But still...
"So, why are you here then?" They pressed, the conversation distracting them from the sting. Hassian paused briefly, his brows drawn close before he replied, clipped and curtly.
"Ask questions later." Typical.
A few minutes later, they came upon what must have been Hassian's camp; secluded in a raised cave with open views of the swamps outside, a small fire burned warmly. A bedroll and a larger pack of supplies laid by the fire, untouched. Roze was about to remark about his 'home away from home' when he suddenly gripped her shoulders, urgently yet gently guiding them to sit on a log.
"Let's see," he said, grabbing her wrist again. They resisted at first, but a sharp glare had them relent slowly. The cuts had started to congeal, and some dirt stuck to the edges, "I'll have to clean them. This will hurt."
"I'm not a child," she grumbled, though she bit her tongue anyway. His only response was to look at her curiously again at her out-of-type behavior, but he nodded. Cleaning the wounds was a silent yet efficient affair, though they did inhale sharply when he accidentally tugged at a hidden splinter. Thinking back to the tree, Roze wanted to smack herself for how stupid she was.
It had to all have been a trick, she thought to herself bitterly, a trick to get them to fall to their death. There was no other reason for her name to be up there. Right?
"What were you trying to get up there?" She looked up at his question, anger melting away to fatigue, confusion, and hurt.
"I don't know," she replied after a moment, avoiding his eyes, "I... I thought I saw something."
"You 'saw something?'" he repeated, brow arched. He finished cleaning the wounds before pulling out a salve from his pouch, applying it sparingly. It stung, an almost burning feeling that spread through her veins sharply.
"Fuck!" she cried out, hands flinching away. Hassian shook his head.
"I did warn you."
"Yeah, you did..." she trailed off, cracking a small smile. He was much slower with the next application, and they had to wonder how it was hands that had clawed through the wilds could also be so... so gentle. Swallowing her pride, she continued from before, "I thought I saw my name. In the tree."
"This place has ways of messing with you; it was probably an illusion." He said, not even looking up at them. Roze sighed, his response hitting like a punch to the gut.
"I know..."
Hassian paused, brows pinched.
"Roze... out of all the humans I've met, you've shown nothing but unwavering determination to the point of being reckless. Skilled, yes. But reckless. Next time this happens, I will not be there to catch you again."
"Nor will anyone else. I know, Hassian." They gritted, biting off a sob. I know that better than anyone. That's why I was hoping that this was real because then I wouldn't be alone!
"...What do you mean, 'alone?'" Shit. They said that part aloud. Looking down, they saw that Hassian had finished applying the salve, but was still holding their hands.
Why?
"Sorry... I know how much humans stress you out. I was just hoping that I wouldn't be one of them—"
"That's not what I asked, Roze," he cut in, letting go of one hand to gently grasp their shoulder, "what did you mean, just now?" Roze opened and closed their mouth, struggling to find the words. Tears fell now, unchecked.
Dammit, and now you're crying too. Phoenix help me, this is so pathetic.
"I don't—I—I don't have anyone, you know?" she forced out, staring into the fire like it held all the answers. He said nothing. Just waited.
Fuck it, we're in it now.
Inhaling a shaky breath, she let out all the thoughts that had been building in her mind since the day she was spat out of the void.
"You have your mom, Tau. Reth and Tish have each other, plus Jel and Ashura. Kenyatta has her family and Na'iio, who's also got his whole family... even Caleri has her sister and Zeki's got... whatever he's got," she snorted, kicking at a stray patch of moss, "but me? I was just dumped here with nothing but a name, y'know? Me and every human that's come here. Fuck's sake, and I don't even know what it even means to be human, only that we did something so bad it caused an apocalypse!" She stood now, hugging herself tightly.
"All this time we've been running around, trying to survive and thrive here but... who do we really have at the end of the day? We're all so... isolated. Even among each other."
"But you have friends here, Roze. I've seen how you get on with everyone in the village," Hassian insisted, standing up as well. Roze shook their head, back still towards him.
"I'm a curiosity, Hassian... a strange phenomenon that by all logic shouldn't even exist. Once the novelty fades, what then? Who will I have to turn to? I thought that maybe, maybe that stupid carved name would at least tell me whether or not I had anyone before. Someone to look or wait for. Someone who'll be there for me, or could at least tell me what kind of person I was before we killed the world! Just... something that for once could actually tell me who and what I am!"
Their voice echoed off the stone, and for a moment not even the strange music of the mystic jungle played. Just silence.
Roze felt naked, as if a rug had been yanked back to reveal the rotten wood underneath. They could feel Hassian's gaze bore into their back. After a moment, they just closed their eyes, resigned to their fate.
He'll probably leave now. I don't blame him. He didn't ask to be pulled into my mess.
"Rozen... listen to me because I'm only going to say this once; I've met many humans and showed them how to take care of themselves. Most of them have since ventured off to forge their own paths, some come and go, and others do the bare minimum to fit in and honor our customs. It's... a hassle," Hassian's words were measured, making Roze turn slowly to regard him timidly. He looked tense, arms crossed and posture stiff, but his gaze remained fixed on her.
"In the year that you've been in here, you haven't just joined the community here; you're trying to make it better. You listen to people and do all you can to help, even at your own expense. The way I see it, it doesn't matter who you were in the past or who it was that was with you back then. You're here, now. And despite what you think, you belong here." Roze stood frozen as Hassian reached out, gently grasping their elbow. So many of the other humans would remark at how unkind and brusque he could be, and Roze had learned quickly that her 'air type' personality would only get her so far with him.
But one thing was for sure about Hassian. He didn't say these things lightly.
"You— You really mean that, don't you?" It wasn't a question. Hassian only nodded once, and Roze broke. Their arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him in tight while they buried their face in his chest. Hassian gasped, arms going wide as he stood there frozen. Normally, Roze would have kicked herself for hugging him out of nowhere like this, but she needed this; physical contact from a person who cared. Dragon's wing, when was the last time she had ever hugged anyone like this?
Too long...
"Um, Roze, this is... never mind," he muttered, the deep timbre of his voice washing over her. Slowly, she felt his arms return the hug, a strong embrace that kept her close and safe. She held him tighter on reflex, sobbing out a soft laugh.
"Don't tell anyone else about this."
"Wasn't planning to," There was a smirk in his voice, but eventually he pried himself away and took a step back, "as long as you don't tell anyone about that." Roze, through their remaining tears, mimed the action of zipping their lip.
"Not a soul." Hassian shook his head in exasperation.
"I'll walk you back to Bahari Bay; it's dangerous to be out here when it gets dark."
"...Right, of course."
"And, Roze?" His expression turned contemplative, almost... nervous? Which had to be a trick of the bioluminescent purple flowers because Hassian never looked nervous. Not in all the time Roze had known him.
"What is it?" She asked, keeping her voice small.
"Make me a promise; don't disregard your life going forward." That made her draw back in mild shock.
"I—Excuse me?"
"Your life is important, and I don't mean just in general. Your life... that is to say, you, are important. To this community, to everyone in it... me included. Please, take more care with it from here on out." Now, Roze was certain the light was playing a trick on her, because he almost looked like he was blushing. Thankfully, it would also hide the bright pink that suddenly flushed her face in that moment.
"I'll try," she said softly, offering him a smile. He nodded briskly before moving to grab his things. Right, moment over.
"Good. Let's get moving."
"Lead the way, O' good hunter," They smiled as he shook his head again, because they certainly caught the corner of his lip twitching even when he quickly doused the fire and buried the embers.
"And we're back to this nonsense. Wonderful."
"You like it, admit it."
"Come on," he groaned, already starting to leave. Roze's chuckle echoed off the cave walls as they followed, feeling... lighter than before. Briefly, they glanced over to where the tree they fell from was located.
Is it worth coming back here? She wondered, glancing back over at Hassian in front of her. Always moving forward, steady and sure.
Nah. I got plenty to look forward to already.