Work Text:
Diluc Ragnvindr's daytime job typically stayed the same. His days comprised of mundane things such as approving paperwork and attending to guests at the winery - on quieter days he covered bartending shifts at the Angel's Share for Charles.
(His job under the obscurity of the night is a different matter.)
A married couple were visiting him at the Dawn Winery manor; nearly overstaying their welcome but thankfully drawing to a close as Diluc escorted them to the entrance of his fine establishment.
The pleasantries however began twisting and turning into something else.
The lady in question turned towards him, a twinkle in her eyes and charming smile across her face. "We couldn't help but notice that you have yet to be betrothed. You're so young and handsome, surely you have considered settling down with a lady? It is all the talk of the town."
Diluc's polite smile quickly became strained.
"We have a daughter around your age, we would love to introduce you two! She would be delighted to meet you Master Diluc, perhaps over lunch at Good Hunter sometime?"
Diluc stared into their eager and hopeful faces, their intentions quite clear for anyone to pick up on. He schooled his face back into a courteous mask, ever the professional.
"I am most gracious for your offer, however I have to decline at this time. As much as I would love to meet your daughter, I do need to focus on managing the Dawn Winery as it is currently our busiest season. I would hate to show your daughter anything but my wholehearted undivided attention." Diluc hoped this was a sufficient excuse to fend off their attempts of setting him up with their child.
He watched their faces fall a little at the rejection, and couldn't help but feel a sting of remorse himself.
They quickly regained themselves and smiled back at him. "Fret not Master Diluc, there's always next time! I do believe it is time for us to be on our way now, if you will excuse my wife and I."
The man shook his hand firmly and finally exited the building alongside his wife waving goodbye as they descended the vineyard paths. Diluc remained at the door, a tight smile on his face until they were out of view.
The man quickly closed the door, letting out a heavy sigh.
After a long moment he stood up straight and headed for his office. Quietly stepping inside, he took a seat and pulled closer papers to peruse.
Diluc started tapping his quill on the desk as stray thoughts began clouding his mind. The earlier interactions were proving to be a distraction despite the fairly frequent occurrence - he was used to it by now. At the very least, he should be.
Contrary to what Diluc told the visiting couple he simply has not been interested in courting anyone in the past nor present, unlikely in the foreseeable future too - Diluc now knew better than to admit that to anyone though. It hardly seemed to receive a pleasant response. He rubbed away the furrow subconsciously forming between his brows at the thought. Unsavoury times he had told people of his lack of certain inclinations came to mind, previously unbeknownst to him that this was considered unusual.
People often looked at him in disbelief, astonished at the preposterous possibility that their wants were not universally appealing.
"With all respect due, I do not believe that is natural. Have you considered seeking medical help for your… ailments? I am sure the members of the Church will be more than happy to assist in any way they can.”
Although it was said with good intentions and a smile, it still did not ease the discomfort he felt upon hearing it.
Time and time again, people would alternatively take it as an opportunity to flirt with him, thinking they would be the cure to his inclinations - or lack thereof. He scoffed, how pitiable.
"Oh Master Diluc... I'm sure you just haven't been with the right woman yet." They would purr as they leaned across the table, placing their hands on his, looking up at him with a sultry look in their eyes, a subtle view down their shirt. Everything about this situation was making his skin crawl, the sickly feeling of nausea rising in his stomach. Why? Was he not supposed to enjoy this, accept their clear invitation? Anyone else would have, what was so different about him?
During his time away from his home city, he was no longer known as Diluc Ragnvindr. Most did not look at him with recognition in their eyes, they did not see the son of the late Master Crepus, or the current owner of the Dawn Winery.
In some ways it was a relief - not having to consistently keep up appearances at all times or else risk tarnishing the family name was a breath of fresh air. People would no longer tread on eggshells around him in fear of disrespecting the young successor either. He was simply treated like anyone else of average standing.
Unfortunately this also had its downsides. There were times he would mention his inclinations in passing, only to be met with faces of horror and disgust. Not long would pass before malicious words would start pouring out, every word feeling like a new wound.
Pain blossomed in Diluc’s scalp as his hands found their way into his hair, desperately tugging on it in an attempt to ground himself and distract from his train of thought. His breath became unsteady and ragged as it flooded in, the ambient noise of the fireplace and maids chatting in the hallway fading to silence and replaced with a ringing in his ears as he succumbed.
“What kind of man are you?” They laughed in an uproar. “To seek love and intimacy is in the simplest of human nature, yet you have no desire for either? What a freak. A monster even!”
“Even less than a common hilichurl.” Someone else chimed in, only fueling the raucous laughter within the group.
Why? Is it so terrible to be unable to love the way others do? From a young age, he has seen the way others interact, gazing at each other with tenderness in their eyes, pressing gentle kisses to their lovers on the streets of Mondstadt, intertwining their hands as they carry on with their day. He longed for the days he would be shown love the way others are. Night after night of convincing himself that everyone was right, that one day he will be the same as everyone else, that the right person just has not come along yet. That one day, he too will be like the people of Mondstadt.
Tears began to wet the parchment paper as sobs involuntarily escaped from his mouth. Diluc quickly clamped a trembling hand over his mouth, not wanting anyone to walk past in the hallway outside and hear him pathetically cry from within. Long red hair started falling around his face as he heaved, digging his nails into his leg hard enough to draw blood. It was not enough, nothing was. Images of his deceased father rapidly flashed through his mind, seemingly kind words along with them. He reminisced of times from his childhood, times when he barely reached his father’s thighs. At the end of the day Diluc sometimes laid upon his lap, Crepus turning his attention towards his son. He would quietly listen to whatever his child had to say, always speaking up at the right moments and stroking his hair for the rest of it.
One day his father turned to him with an unfamiliar tone in his voice. “Diluc, sometime in the coming years you will need to take over Dawn Winery in my stead.” Diluc knows this, so why does he feel unsettled? He peered up at his father’s gentle face waiting for him to continue. Did he always have so many grey hairs, or wrinkles scattering across his face?
“In turn, your children will inherit the Dawn Winery from you. Ragnvindrs’ have run Dawn Winery for generations, and it will stay in the Ragnvindr bloodline for years to come.”
Diluc wrinkled his nose at this and turned away. “I don’t want children though!” He exclaimed.
His father’s hand in his hair briefly slowed, before resuming as he let out a laugh. “Nonsense Diluc, you may feel that way now but when you get older you will grow out of it. I am sure you will find a lovely lady to marry, no need to fret... I can only hope to be around to witness it.” Crepus murmured the last part quietly, softly.
The young boy turned back and looked into his father’s sincere face, eyes crinkling down at him. His father was always right, surely he would not deceive him? He must be right… he has to be.
He was wrong. Years upon years have passed him by, yet he is no closer to fulfilling Crepus’ wishes. In just how many ways will Diluc disappoint his late father? He has no desire to marry or continue the precious bloodline. He has considered it before, purely out of obligation however it would feel horribly cruel towards his partner. He knows everyone is waiting for him to court another, he hears the whispers and feels the stares when he goes into the city - he is not dense. The girl at the flower stand trips over her own two feet whenever Diluc accidentally catches her eye on the way to Angel’s Share. He always refrained from looking at her and played dumb instead, acting as though he was not aware of her shallow feelings towards him.
Really, he feels somewhat envious of the girl. How he wishes to be free from the stifling expectations of an entire city to marry another.
How he wishes to be capable of relationships rooted in romance, having flitting feelings for people he hardly knows.
Due to this, Diluc never looks forward to special events and yearly festivals either. For everyone else, it is a time of joy and celebration - for him it is a time for exhausting queues of parents to jovially attempt to set him up with their daughters, whilst he meagerly fends them off.
Well, it is not all downsides.
Despite how cold and aloof Diluc knows he comes off to others, he does care for those close to him. In this aspect, festivals usually meant the traveller coming back to Mondstadt to partake in the festivities - he scarcely sees them as of late. He knows they are keeping busy in Fontaine, however he never fails to feel a wave of unease every time he does not hear from them for some time. He should have nothing to worry about, the traveller’s strength was certainly nothing to scoff at. Every new letter Diluc receives from them enlightening the winery owner of the latest developments in their adventures has him reeling in shock. Really, facing off against the Electro archon herself? Diluc still did not know whether to think the traveller was brave or just plain moronic.
The man took a deep shuddering breath as he finally managed to somewhat regain his composure, his thoughts finally taking a brighter direction. Diluc let out a wet chuckle as he wiped drying tears from his soaked face. Adelinde will scold him if she sees Diluc in his current state. Even though he has far outgrown her in physical stature, she still treats him as a child. He cannot say he truly minds it, Adelinde always has his best interests at heart.
With concerningly coincidental timing, he heard a knock on his office door.
“Master Diluc?” Adelinde’s voice calls from the other side. “Master Kaeya is here, would you like to see him?”
Diluc froze. Kaeya had been coming around for dinner at the manor more often recently. It was worth the lingering awkwardness to see Adelinde beam with joy. Well, there’s no harm really, Kaeya has seen him cry over far more trivial things before.
“Thank you Adelinde, I will invite him in myself.” he called back. He let out a fatigued grumble before climbing to his feet. As he left his office, he made sure to turn his face away from any remaining staff members out of embarrassment. Diluc made his way over to the entrance, trying to not think of the earlier interactions that took place there. Kaeya quickly came into view, promptly making eye contact with his red-haired brother.
“Ah, Master Diluc came to greet me himself, what an honour.” Kaeya immediately stopped short. “Gods, you look terrible.”
Diluc let out a snort. “As suave as ever Kaeya. Would you like to come inside?”
Kaeya gazed at him with subtle concern as they both walked back inside the manor, the head maid waiting for them nearby. “Welcome back Master Kaeya, dinner will be served shortly, ” she smiled at him. Her eyes narrowed in scrutiny as she looked at Diluc, before heading to the kitchen. He pointedly ignored it and escorted Kaeya to his office. He gestured for his brother to sit down whilst he prepared drinks, keeping his back turned for as long as he could to avoid verbal prodding.
Eventually he turned back around and sat the glasses down as Kaeya took a sniff at the contents. Diluc watched him peer at his own glass, curious to know what his brother was drinking. “It is fresh grape juice, if you would care for any?”, despite already knowing the answer.
Kaeya shook his head and let out a chuckle, “I should have presumed as much.” He sipped at his glass, staring holes into Diluc’s desk.
“Say, Diluc?”
Diluc responded with a hum, indicating for him to continue.
“I know we were not on the best of terms for a while-”
“That is certainly putting it lightly but go on.”
Kaeya huffed at him in amusement. “I would have if you didn’t interrupt.” He glanced back down at the table, various emotions playing on his face. A long pause stretched out, leaving the brothers in silence. Diluc broke it for him.
“It is quite unlike you to be so reserved Captain Kaeya, care to tell me what is on your mind?”
Kaeya’s visible eye shot back to his own. “I should be asking you that, you look dreadful!”
“As you previously mentioned, yes.” Diluc deadpanned.
The blue-haired man took a deep breath and fiddled with his cup nervously. “Well… I know we have had our differences and a lot has happened, but you know you can talk to me anytime right? Do you… want to talk about what happened?”
“I would sooner be crushed by a meteorite.” Diluc retorted as he folded his arms across his chest.
“Diluc please.”
Kaeya looked at him pleadingly whilst the man in question averted his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again.
“...Do you remember when we were at the Knights of Favonius’ training grounds?”
“You’re going to need to be a little more specific than that.”
“Shut up. Do you remember when we were on the training grounds and you teased me about Jean?”
Kaeya and Diluc sat against the walls of Mondstadt, catching their breath after practising at the Knights of Favonius’ training grounds. A gentle wind breezed through their hair as Kaeya looked at his brother with mirth in his eye. A grin spread across his sweat-sheened face. Diluc rolled his eyes, already knowing what was going to come out of Kaeya’s mouth.
“Admit it already! You like Jean.”
Diluc glared at him, a tell-tale blush spreading across his face. “No I do not! Jean is simply my fellow Knight and friend, nothing more.”
“Uh-huh, and that’s why I coincidentally managed to land a blow on you as soon as Jean passed by.” Kaeya shot back, voice dripping in light-hearted sarcasm.
“I got distracted, it could have happened with anyone.”
“Are you sure you weren’t preoccupied thinking about how much you want to kiss Jean’s pretty face, or having children with her?”
“...”
Kaeya did not expect to be met with dead silence. Did he take it too far? He turned around to look at his brother, now expecting Diluc to be angry at him. Instead, he was simply staring back at Kaeya in puzzlement.
“Why would I want to have children with Jean? Why on earth would I want to kiss her either?”
“Ouch, do yourself a favour and don’t go around telling her that.” Diluc’s expression just got deeper with confusion. Kaeya’s face began to mirror his.
“...You do like Jean, do you not?” At his words, Diluc looked away and gave him the slightest of nods.
“But you don’t want to kiss her, or have children and grow old together?” Diluc’s eyebrows knitted together at this, looking a little nauseous.
…
He was uncomfortable. "Can we talk about something else?"
Kaeya stared at him in bewilderment for a moment longer, as though he was trying to solve a puzzle. However, he respected his brother's wishes and did not say anything further on the matter.
"Ah that time. As a matter of fact, I do remember. Care to explain how this ties into whatever happened today?" Kaeya raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his drink.
Diluc stared down at his own glass for some time, not quite ready for this conversation. He felt apprehensive, it didn't help that Kaeya's gaze was burning holes into him.
"I… I realised I have never been interested in anyone. Ever. You jokingly asked me if I wanted to kiss Jean and I did not know why the thought made me so uncomfortable." Even now, Diluc visibly grimaced. Some things never seem to change. "I thought about it for quite some time, considering it did not make any sense. Surely if I were interested in Jean, I would want to do the things you mentioned?"
Pale hands tightened on the glass, refusing to look up.
“Not long after, I suppose I started connecting the dots. Previous encounters started to make sense. I realised I am different from everyone else in more ways than one, that there may be something wrong with me. Time and time again, I am kindly reminded by others.” He let out a bitter, hollow laugh.
“Countless women attempt to come onto me, in the hopes that they will be the one to ‘fix’ me. Some told me that it was not normal, and advised me to go to the Church in seek of medical assistance. Others…” He could still repeat their comments verbatim, the harsh words ingrained in his memory. Diluc’s eyes began to burn again with the sting of tears threatening to fall. He quickly swept them away in shame.
He could feel the rising sense of panic in his chest, his breath becoming laboured and unsteady. It was going to happen again, and Kaeya was sitting directly across from him. DIluc did not want his brother to see him like this, crying pathetically as his emotions spiralled out of control. He could not stop himself though, the words spilling out of his mouth faster as he fell apart in the dim lighting of the office.
“They told me I was not normal. They said love and intimacy is in the simplest of human nature, and called me a freak -. a monster even. Less than a common hilichurl. And father… he always told me I would grow up to love someone, to marry them and continue the Ragnvindr name with them.” Tears brimmed his eyes, finally spilling over and down his face in a wet mess. “I do not wish to marry another, or bear children with them. Everyone expects me to do so, and I cannot imagine anything worse than subjecting myself to a life of pretence. Father must be disappointed in me. His first-born, selfishly refusing to carry out his sole final desires.”
His shoulders trembled as he choked back sobs, desperately trying to suck in air to calm himself. He felt something tentatively wrap around him, a distant voice telling him to breathe with them.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
As he came back to himself, Diluc slowly became aware of his surroundings again. He looked down to see Kaeya's arms around him in an awkward one-sided hug, and glanced back up to see Kaeya watching him apprehensively.
"Ah… Are you feeling better now?" His voice was dripping with awkward concern.
Diluc let out a watery laugh. "A truly astonishing question to ask someone who you just witnessed crying like a child."
He looked away as a flush rose to his cheeks. Diluc slowly raised his arms and enveloped Kaeya with them, finally returning the hug. He tightened his grip as he exhaled, tension seeping from his body. Diluc buried his face into Kaeya's shoulder as a fresh wave of quiet tears began anew.
"Hey, you're making my clothes wet." Kaeya murmured, soft voice void of any genuine outrage. He lifted a hand to Diluc's head, gently stroking through his loose hair in a comforting manner.
He did not respond. The only sounds filling the silence were the crackle of the ebbing fire and his wet sniffling. The brothers stayed like this for some time, no words being exch