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Chapter Text

The RED Team (Reliable Excavation Demolition), or the Reds, is a mercenary team of the classic "Team Fortress" school. The most standard set of 9 mercenaries, insane killers with extraordinary methods of combat.

The warehouse doors in "Well" rises, showing a sneaking Scout with the rest of the Red Team members. He observes the Blue Team members around the central point: Torbjörn diligently prepares the defense, Sombra is typing on a holographic keyboard, and Pharah is being celebrated.

The Scout loads his Scattergun, and the Red Team rushes the point. The young man enters the brutal battle on Well, quickly outpacing his teammates. He runs through the center of the map, fending off the Blues attacking him, then runs in front of a train while the mechanism strikes down Pharah and Mei.

Meet the Scout!

The Scout walks out from behind the scenes onto the screen with text displayed.

"Um... I-I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?" he said, pointing to the scoreboard behind him.

The scene transitions to where Mauga is sitting near the 3rd control point on the Granary map and is about to eat a sandwich, but the Scout draws attention to himself by gently tapping him on the head with a baseball bat.

"Yo, what's up?" he asked, sitting on his haunches and looking Mauga straight in the eyes.

It cuts back to the Scout on the stage with the background text.

"D-Do you have any idea, any idea who I am?" the Scout said, stepping closer to the camera.

Again to a fighting and shouting Mauga and Scout. And back to the narration.

"Basically - kind of a big deal!"

Back to the fight. The Scout strangles Mauga with the bat.

"Oh man, that's beautiful. Heh!" the Scout said, looking at his muscles in the interview room.

Back to the fight, where now Mauga is choking the Scout.

"Ya' listenin'?" the Scout asked the director in the room. "OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha'" he poked a finger at the camera "...I hurt people."

In the fight, the Scout hits Mauga in the groin with the bat, shouting "BOINK!"

"I'm a force a' nature!"

The Scout hits Mauga on the chin, shouting "BONK!"

"If you were from where I was from, you'd be f**kin' dead!" the Scout pointed out to the director.

Mauga is lying on the ground, trying to reach for a stim pack; the Scout climbs onto the containers, jumps from them onto Mauga, and hits him on the head with the bat.

"WOO!" the Scout cheerfully shouts in the interview room.

The final music of Team Fortress 2 plays with a background of the full Red Team.

The Scout sits on Mauga's body and eats his sandwich; the point has already been captured by the Red Team.

[Scout's Personal File]

Map "Granary." The Arsonist from the GRN team releases flame from his flamethrower and performs a taunt with it. A rocket flies at him from off-screen. The Arsonist explodes with a metallic sound.

The Annihilator from GRN is playing with a sword. A critical rocket flies out from off-screen and explodes him.

The Brute from GRN performs the "High Noon" taunt.

"Pow!" the Brute imitates shooting from his finger, a rocket flies out and the Brute explodes.

Meet the Soldier!

The Soldier walks in front of a line of Soldier helmets.

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!" The Soldier raises his fist for emphasis "Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal" The Soldier pokes a finger at the head of one of the recruits "because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor."

On the battlefield, the Soldier holds a shovel, shouts, and hits his helmet with it. To the right of the fourth point on Granary, the Soldier runs out and kills the Annihilator with a shotgun, who had fired a grenade from his grenade launcher but missed. The Soldier pulls out his rocket launcher; Doctor from GRN appears behind him, shooting syringes from a crossbow.

"To the left!" the Soldier yells, turns left, and fires a critical rocket from his rocket launcher at the Doctor; he explodes.

"Maggots!" the Soldier commanded his team, "Go, go, go!"

The Soldier, the Sniper, and the Heavy attack the final point. Everything explodes around them.

We return to the Soldier and the recruits.

"Then, he used his fight money..." The Soldier takes grenades off his belt one by one into his hand, "...to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat..." The Soldier uses the grenades to mimic walking, "...and then he beat the crap out of every single one." The Soldier bangs the grenades together.

We return to Granary. A Red Scout behind cover yells: "Go, go, go!" The Soldier runs up to a GRN Mini-Sentry and performs a rocket jump onto the pipe above the sentry. The Mechanic and his buildings explode in the process.

The Brute and the Arsonist are standing on the final point. The Soldier fires a critical rocket at them, and immediately after the explosion, lands on the empty point. A GRN Agent removes his cloak of invisibility and tries to backstab, but the Soldier takes out his shovel and hits the Agent in the face with it.

We return to the Soldier and the recruits, where he is chuckling as he remembers.

"And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'!"

The camera changes angle. It turns out the "recruits" are severed heads of Green team members. They have Soldier helmets on their heads. The Doctor's head falls.

The Team Fortress 2 ending music plays with a background of the full Red team.

The Soldier leans towards the Doctor's head on the ground:

"Unless it's a farm!"

[Soldier's Personal File]

Name: Unknown, uses the alias Jane Doe
Location of origin: Midwest, USA
Special Ability: Rocket Jump
Description: Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War 2, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the U.S. military. Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to Europe. After arriving and finally locating Poland, the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a Nazi killing spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the war in 1949.

Meet the Pyro!

The text burns, revealing the Pyro walking with a fire axe in hand. He steps on a pair of Healer's glasses lying on the ground.

In a small room hidden by darkness, the Heavy sat, his silhouette still clearly visible.

"I fear no man. But that... thing..." he leaned closer to the camera, "...it scares me."

The scene cuts to the Pyro walking toward the Yellow team. The Yellows scatter; the Technician hides in a house, and the Yellow Infiltrator pulls the handle of a locked door. The scene returns to the same dark room. This time, the silhouette of the Red Scout is visible.

"No, I..." the Scout stammered, "I ain't, I ain't talking about that freak. All right?" he nervously tried to remove the microphone from his shirt. He stood up, his face panicked, "He's not here, is she?" The Scout kept twitching, stood up, and walked toward the camera, knocking it over, "How do I get this f***ing thing off?!"

The Dynamiter hides in a shed, and the Pyro slowly enters with a flamethrower in hand.

In the dark room, the Spy sat this time, lighting a cigarette.

"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask..."

The Pyro with the flamethrower burned a wooden town, engulfing it all in flames.

"...What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?" the Spy wondered off-screen about the Pyro's thoughts.

The camera looks into one of his mask's eyepieces, into the darkness. The sound of the Pyro's breathing appears, and one white spot. The camera zooms in on the spot, and it dissolves into the circles of binocular vision. After focusing, the Pyro's psychedelic dream is visible, where everything is candy-colored.

The Pyro steps among bright green hills overgrown with huge lollipops; fat kittens fly in the sky. Instead of a flamethrower, the Pyro holds a device with golden bells that shoots a rainbow, from which bright flowers bloom on the ground. The Pyro laughs. In his imagination, the Yellow team is displayed as chubby flying babies in diapers. The Armor-Breaker jumps out from behind a giant Chocolate bar and bounces in place; the Pyro plucks a lollipop from the ground and waves it to the Armor-Breaker, greeting her. Both excitedly run toward each other, and the Pyro shoves the lollipop into the Soldier's mouth.

In the real world, the Pyro simultaneously strikes the Ballistic in the face with a fire axe.

In the dream, the Infiltrator flies out from behind the hills; the Pyro blows soap bubbles in her face. In the real world, the Pyro shoots her point-blank with the Flare Gun (Scorching Shot), knocking her back.

In the dream, the Healer peeks out of a gift box, and the Pyro walks up and closes the lid. In the real world, the Pyro locks her in the shed, barring the door with the fire axe.

"No!" was all the Healer could scream as the Pyro doused both the shed and the trapped prisoner with a stream of fire.

In the dream, the Pyro continues to happily run along the path, spraying the surroundings with a magical rainbow. The Yellow "babies" flutter around cheerfully. The Pyro's rainbow creates an inflatable unicorn, on which the Technician and Saboteur ride. The Pyro dances off-screen ; the "baby" Ballistic with a pacifier in her mouth salutes him, and the Dynamiter with bottles of milk instead of grenades on her chest happily waves at the camera.

In reality..."I'm burning!" the Dynamiter yells. The Ballistic stumbles over a piece of the Technician's destroyed sentry, who falls down in the distance. The burning Infiltrator runs away, while the Archer(ess) falls to the ground from a second-floor window. She crawls toward the camera, then sees someone's foot and turns to it. The sound of a Dispenser being destroyed is heard, and then the sound of a jump-pad being destroyed is heard in the distance.

"Booster down!" the Engineer yells. The Archer grabs the boot, begging, "Help!" until she looks up and realizes whose foot it is.

The Pyro looks down and begins to burn her with the flamethrower, making her scream in pain. The fire is reflected in the Pyro's empty goggles, and the Pyro tilts his head to the side.

The Team Fortress 2 ending music plays with a background of the full Red team.

We return to the Pyro's fantasy dream, where the Pyro walks toward the sunset. The camera moves away and passes through a burnt, gaping hole in the Yellow Ballistic's torso. In reality, the Ballistic momentarily grabs at her smoldering insides, then falls to the ground with a muffled groan. The Pyro continues walking toward the sunset, whistling "Do You Believe In Magic?". The town burns and collapses; the Pyro turns his head to the left, and the streets are littered with charred or axe-murdered corpses of the Yellows.

[Pyro's Personal File]

Name: Unknown
Location of origin: Unknown
Special Ability: Compression blast
Description: Only two things are known for sure about the mysterious Pyro: he sets things on fire and he doesn't speak. In fact, only the part about setting things on fire is undisputed. Some believe his occasional rasping wheeze may be an attempt to communicate through a mouth obstructed by a filter and attached to lungs ravaged by constant exposure to his asbestos-lined suit. Either way, he's a fearsome, inscrutable, on-fire Frankenstein of a man - if he even is a man.

Meet the Demoman!

The Demoman runs along a corridor where explosions are occurring and jumps down onto the Gravel Pit map.

"What makes me a good Demoman?" the Demoman asked off-screen. "If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you now would I?".

Demoman runs with the rest of the Red team into battle, yelling, "Not one of ya's gonna' survive this."

Back to the Demoman's room.

"One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablooie!" he grabbed his bottle.

The battle is shown again; the Demoman shoots a grenade, which bounces off a wall and explodes the pursuing Mei.

In the room, the Demoman drinks from his bottle.

Torbjörn constructs a Sentry.

The scene returns to the room. The Demoman is still drinking from his bottle. The Sentry fires rockets at the Demoman.

The room again. The Demoman with the bottle is in close-up.

The Demoman dodges the shots, while the Scout running nearby is knocked down by Sentry fire. The Demoman fires 2 grenades, destroying the Sentry.

In the explosives room, the Demoman, breathing heavily, sharply puts the empty bottle on the table. The camera slightly loses focus.

"I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops." The Demoman knocks a grenade off the table, arming it in the process "They've got more f**************************s than they've got the likes of me." the Demoman prepares to drink from the bottle again, but then notices the camera and abruptly stops what he was about to do. "So..."

The Demoman runs to capture the last point on the Gravel Pit map.

"...T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure" the Demoman said off-screen, while the Demoman himself surprisingly noticed members of the Blue team rushing toward him with grins ear to ear. A cunning expression appeared on the Demoman's face, and he rushed to run away from them as fast as he could. "Prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say!" The Demoman mines the exit with Sticky Bombs. "I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!"

Mauga, running out, notices the Stickies attached to the exit at the last moment and is shocked. The Demoman with a grin waves his hand, and all the bombs explode simultaneously, destroying both Mauga and the other pursuers. As bloody pieces scatter in all directions, the Demoman, with a cheerful laugh, approaches something that is most likely a severed head.

"Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... in hell!"

The Team Fortress 2 ending music plays with a background of the full Red team.

[Demoman's Personal File]

Name: Tavish Finnegan DeGroot
Location of origin: Ullapool, Scotland, United Kingdom
Special Weapon: Stickybomb Launcher
Description: A fierce temper, a fascination with all things explosive, and a terrible plan to kill the Loch Ness Monster cost the six year old Demoman his original set of adoptive parents. Later, at the Crypt Grammar School for Orphans near Ullapool in the Scottish Highlands, the boy's bomb-making skills improved dramatically. His disposition and total number of intact eyeballs, however, did not.
Word of his proficiency with explosives spread, and it was not long before Crypt Grammar received two visitors; the Demoman's real parents, who lovingly explained that all Demomen are abandoned at birth until their skills manifest themselves, a long-standing, cruel, and wholly unnecessary tradition among the Highland Demolition Men. His unhappy childhood had ended, but his training had just begun.

Meet the Heavy!

The Heavy approaches the camera and puts his Minigun on a cardboard box, then sits down on a chair.

"I am Heavy Weapons Guy... and this," he picks up the Minigun, "is my weapon. She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon...for twelve seconds." The Heavy laughs.

The Heavy checks the Minigun's barrel.

"Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright...Who touched my gun!?" he shouted angrily.

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe," he sniffled, "maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet," he shows a bullet to the camera.

The Heavy shoots the GRN team on the Dustbowl map.

"Waaaaahhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! Ahahahahaha! Cry some more!"

Cuts to black.

"Heheh. Cry some more." said the Heavy.

The Team Fortress 2 ending music plays with a background of the full Red team.

[Heavy's Personal File]

Name: Mikhail
Location of origin: Dzhugdzhur Mountains, Khabarovsk Krai, USSR
Special Food: Sandwich
Description: Like a hibernating bear, the Heavy appears to be a gentle giant. Also like a bear, confusing his deliberate, sleepy demeanor with gentleness will get you ripped limb from limb. Though he speaks simply and moves with an economy of energy that's often confused with napping, the Heavy isn't dumb; he's not your big friend and he generally wishes that you would just shut up before he has to make you shut up.

Meet the Engineer!

The Engineer sits on his toolbox in front of a campfire. He plays the melody of "More Gun" on his guitar. In front of him is a kill counter showing the number 209.

"Hey look, buddy, I'm an Engineer. That means I solve problems." a bullet ricochets off a truck near the Engineer. He ignores it. "Not problems like 'What is beauty?', because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy." Two more shots hit the truck close to the Engineer's head. He squints slightly at the bullet holes. "I solve practical problems."

The Engineer takes a bottle standing on a box next to him and takes a sip. At this time, a Level 1 Sentry kills the Armor-Breaker, who is off-screen, yelling from the shot. The Engineer finishes his beer and continues playing. The kill counter changes the number 209 to 210.

"Fr'instance..." The camera shows the Archeress in the background, who decided to sneak up on the Engineer from behind. "...How am I going to stop some big mean mother hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?"

The Sentry fires in the direction of the Sniper. The kill counter shows the number 211.

"The answer..." the Engineer chuckled.

A Level 2 Sentry kills the Infiltrator, who screams; the kill counter becomes 212.

"...use a gun. And if that don't work..." A Level 3 Sentry launches rockets. "...use more gun ," the Engineer stops playing. An explosion occurs off-screen; the Engineer smirks.

"My arm!" the Infiltrator yelled.

The kill counter equals 213. A hand falls from off-screen, and a Level 1 Sentry immediately aims at it. The Engineer continues playing.

"Like this heavy caliber, tripod-mounted, little ol' number designed by me," the Engineer kicks the severed hand off-screen, and the Level 1 Sentry begins firing at it. "Built by me. and you'd best hope, not pointed at you." the Engineer stated.

A Level 1 Sentry shoots the Ballistic. The kill counter equals 214.

The camera moves back. His sentries continue clearing the area. The reason for the siege becomes visible — the Engineer's truck is filled with Yellow intelligence. The "campfire" is actually the burning body of the Yellow Sniper. There are screams all around. The Engineer's guitar sounds fit the atmosphere before the final Team Fortress 2 music plays with the full Red team in the background.

[Engineer's Personal File]

Name: Dell Conagher
Location of origin: Bee Cave, Texas, USA
Constructions: Three-level Sentry, Three-level Dispenser, Three-level Teleporters
Description: This amiable, soft-spoken good ol' boy from tiny Bee Cave, Texas loves barbeque, guns, and higher education. Natural curiosity, ten years as a roughneck in the west Texas oilfields, and eleven hard science PhDs have trained him to design, build and repair a variety of deadly contraptions.

The wounded Red Scout and Demoman in a wheelchair both jump down a hill while running.

"Move cyclops, move!" the Scout yells at the Demoman. The Scout and Demoman are running away from rocket fire. "Come on, come on, almost... augh!" A rocket knocks the Scout off his feet; the Demoman rolls away further. The Scout lies on the ground, trying to get up, but falls. "Eerrrrgh! Argh!".

Suddenly, three rockets fly in an arc toward the fallen Scout. "Whoah! Who the f..." An explosion occurs, and the Scout flies toward the camera, screaming, "AAAAAAAH!".

The Scout hits a windowpane. It cracks, and a startled pigeon jumps up behind the glass, saying at the end:

"Medic..."

Meet the Medic!

The inside of a building is shown. The Scout slides down outside; the camera lowers and turns to the Medic with the Heavy.

"Oh-hoh-ho no more!" The Heavy laughs while the Medic explains something to him:

"Wait, wait, wait, it gets better."

The camera continues to rotate and descend, showing the Medic in his laboratory, talking to the Heavy, whose chest and abdomen are cut open, and who is conscious. He also has a bullet wound in his shoulder. The Medic holds the Heavy's heart in his hands. A prototype Medigun, attached to the ceiling on a movable structure, emits a healing beam onto the Heavy.

"When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again!" The Medic began to laugh madly.

The Heavy stops for a moment and starts laughing again, knocking on a nearby tray of surgical instruments. 

"Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license, heh."

The Heavy suddenly looks worried. A pigeon crawls out of the Heavy's intestines, surprising both the patient and the doctor.

"Archimedes! No!" He chases the bird away by waving his hand. "It's filthy in there! Eugh. Birds, what can you expect from them," he chuckles under his breath.

A mechanical part for a heart lies on the tray, and the word "Über" is visible on its scale. The Medic takes the part in his hands.

"Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage" The Medic attaches the device to the Heavy's heart and holds it under the Medigun's beam. "...but I'm fairly certain your heart..." The Heavy's heart explodes right in his hand.

Three pigeons sit nearby. Archimedes is knocked to the floor by a piece of the Heavy's exploded heart.

"What was noise?" the Heavy asks, not noticing what happened to his heart.

The Medic quickly recovers from his surprise and removes the remaining piece of the heart from the apparatus needles.

"The sound of progress, my friend," the Medic replies, walking toward the medical refrigerator.

The Medic opens the door; inside are several hearts, two of which are labeled as the hearts of a Loch Ness Hamster and a Mega-Baboon.

"Ah, perfect..." He takes the baboon's heart, behind which is the living head of Sombra from the Blue team, somehow attached to a battery.

"Kill me, por favor," she smoldered, clearly exhausted.

"Later," he replies curtly and closes the refrigerator door.

The Medic stands over the Heavy, with the baboon's heart in one hand and the device in the other.

"Where was I? Ah, there we go" The Medic forcefully inserts the device into the heart. The Medic holds the heart under the Medigun's beam. "Come on, come on..."

The heart begins to beat, and the Medic laughs wildly, and then the heart begins to flash erratically. The heart glows red; the Heavy laughs nervously and uncertainly along. The Über scale reaches its limit; the Medic squints, stops laughing, and looks sideways, thinking the heart is about to explode. Archimedes, covered in blood, returns to the other pigeons. The two nearby pigeons move away from him, thinking the heart will fly at one of them. The heart calms down and stops glowing, taking on the texture of the ÜberCharge.

"Oh, that looks good," the Medic says, pleasantly surprised, dropping the heart into the Heavy's opened chest cavity. "Very nice there".

"Should I be awake for this?" the patient asks, looking uncertainly at his heart.

"Ah heh. Well, no, heh" he adjusts his glasses, "But as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit?" The Medic positions himself near the chest, pushing the heart inside. "I can't... seem to..." The Medic goes into the chest cavity up to his elbow.

The sound of a breaking rib is heard; the Heavy screams in pain. The Heavy shows the broken rib to the Medic; both look at it with surprise.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," the Medic dismisses and takes the rib. "ribs grow back!" The Medic throws the rib somewhere behind him and turns to the pigeon sitting on the Medigun, whispering, "No they don't." Archimedes, splattered with blood, nods his head and flies away.

The Medic grabs the gun, moves it closer to the Heavy, and turns it on at full power. The gun completely heals the Heavy, as if by magic, and even restores his clothing.

The impressed Heavy touches himself and inhales deeply with pleasure, asking, "What happens now?"

"Next?" the Medic echoes, helping the Heavy stand up. "Heh-heh-heh. Let's go practice medicine..."

To the sounds of a march, the Medic pulls on his gloves, puts on his coat, and grabs his new Medigun. The doors with the red cross open, and out of them, against the light in slow motion, the Medic emerges to a triumphant chord, and pigeons fly out. The Heavy, with Sasha at the ready, catches up to the Medic. The Medic sees the battlefield outside the lab; the Red Engineer and Sniper are hiding behind cover, the injured Scout is lying on the ground, and the Demoman in a wheelchair heads toward the Medic.

"Medic!" he shouted, and a rocket knocks him off his chair; he falls in front of the Medic.

He aims his device, and the healing beam hits the Demoman and completely heals him. He sheds his bandages, grabs his Stickybomb Launcher, and runs off. The Medic's gun's next beam hits the Scout. He is completely healed, and his knocked-out tooth even regrows. The Scout jumps to his feet.

"Yeah!" he yells, grabs his bat out of thin air after standing up, and runs off, "Woohoohoo!".

The Heavy hides behind a red truck as the Scout runs past. The Scout runs toward Pharah from the Blue team and hits her over the head with the bat.

"Oh yeah!"

A large number of Blue mercenaries appear from behind the hill. "Medic!" the Heavy calls out. "Are you sure this will work?!"

"Ha-ha," the Medic raises the Medigun, "I have no idea!"

The Medic flips the switch; a display lights up. The words 'ÜberCharge Ready' are visible on it, and the music swells again. The Medic's backpack begins to hum with tension. The Medic activates the Medigun on the Heavy, who runs out from behind cover.

"EYAAAAAAAAAH!" The baboon heart beating in the Heavy's chest is covered in energy, and the Heavy then takes on the ÜberCharge.

The Medic and the Heavy break through the rocket fire; the Heavy laughs contentedly and loudly. The Red Engineer, holding the Rescue Ranger, and the Red Sniper, holding his sniper rifle, watch in surprise as the Heavy marches straight through, rockets deflecting off him. The Heavy continues to walk, shouting:

"I am bulletproof!" he laughs joyfully and maliciously.

The Heavy marches forward, knocking the Blue Team to the ground one after another. The Blues, running forward, fall like bowling pins. The Medic and the Heavy climb onto a mountain of corpses, and pigeons fly over their heads.

The final Team Fortress 2 music plays with the full Red team in the background.

The waiting room is shown, where all the other members of the Red team are waiting their turn for treatment. The Engineer plays the guitar, the Spy looks at a ticket, the Pyro tries to light a lighter and set a magazine on fire, the Soldier stands at attention, the Demoman drinks from his bottle, and the Sniper is asleep.

"That looks good. Very nice there. Yes!" the Medic comments from behind the door.

"Hey, thanks medic!" the Scout thanks him.

A bell rings. The sign reading "Now Serving" changes the number to 2. The Scout emerges from the open operating room door with a glowing chest.

"Awhawhaw, man!" he laughs enthusiastically, "You would not BELIEVE... how much this hurts".

Suddenly, a dull cooing of a pigeon is heard; the Scout's chest moves strangely, and a lost look comes over the Scout's face.

"Archimedes?" the Medic calls out for the lost pigeon.

[Medic's Personal File]

Name: Mr. Ludwig
Location of origin: Stuttgart, Germany
Special Device: Medigun
Description: What he lacks in compassion for the sick, respect for human dignity, and any sort of verifiable formal training in medicine, the Medic more than makes up for with a bottomless supply of giant needles and a trembling enthusiasm for plunging them into exposed flesh. Raised in Stuttgart, Germany during an era when the Hippocratic oath had been downgraded to an optional Hippocratic suggestion, the Medic considers healing a generally unintended side effect of satisfying his own morbid curiosity.

A lone van drives along a desert road. Inside, a cartoonish Civilian bobblehead sits on the dashboard. The Sniper's hand reaches out and lightly flicks the bobblehead on the head with his finger.

"Boom. Headshot."

Meet the Sniper!

The Sniper is driving and talking to the director.

"Snipin's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, outa doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry" 

The scene cuts to the Sniper brushing his teeth. On the right side of his mirror hang three photos: the GRN Mechanic, Brute, and Flanker. The Mechanic and Scout's photos are crossed out.

"'cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."

Camera view from the scope. The sniper hits Brute in the head from the last scene; the bullet ricochets into the Annihilator's sword behind him, which hits the eye. The Annihilator sees nothing and starts shooting in different directions from a grenade launcher, after which it falls down and one of its grenades detonates fuel barrels.

"Ooh" The Sniper smiles.

The Sniper talks on a payphone to his father.

"Dad... Dad, I'm... I'm not a crazed gunman, Dad, I'm an assassin! Well, the difference bein' one's a job and the other's mental sickness!"

The Sniper is in his van, staring blankly at the road.

"I'll be honest with you, my parents do not care for it."

The Sniper is on a tower on the Gold Rush map. He is waiting for the right moment to shoot.

"I think his mate saw me." He assumes, looking through his rifle scope. A bullet ricochets off the railings in front of the Sniper. "Yes. Yes he did!"

The Sniper ducks, hiding deeper in the turret.

Another aiming sequence. A time-lapse shows the Sniper aiming at someone, taking sips from a mug, and crafting Jarate (jars of urine). Finally, he takes the shot.

The Sniper kills a Agent with his kukri on the Gold Rush map, on stage 3, on the small balcony to the right of point 3.

"Feelings?" The Sniper asks the director in the van. "Look, mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards."

The Sniper removes his hat, holds it to his chest, and stands over the killed Agent.

"Be polite."

The Sniper shoots the Doctor, Trooper, and Arsonist in the head.

"Be efficient."

Slow-motion of the Sniper reloading his rifle.

"Have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

The Sniper shoots directly into the camera, and the screen goes black.

The Team Fortress 2 final music plays with a background of the full RED team.

The Sniper is standing at the payphone on the side of the road.

"Dad... Dad... Put Mum on the phone!"

[Sniper's Personal File]

Name: Mr. Mundy
Location of origin: Australia (New Zealand)
Special Device: Jarate
Description: Half rugged outdoorsman, half alien observer, this taciturn strip of beef jerky has spent the better part of his life alone in the bush, slow baking under the Australian sun.

In the YLW team's base, a call triggers the alarm; a siren and horns blare in the background.

"Intruder Alert!" the Administrator warns over the speakers "A Red Spy is in the base!"

Three warning lights flash on a security panel: "Alert! Intruder!," "Red Spy," and "In Base." The YLW Ballistic looks at the lights.

"A Red Spy is in the base?!" she yells, surprised and indignant.

Ballistic glances at the signs, then grabs a shotgun from the gun rack. Ballistic runs down the stairs and through the lower level of 4Fort, chanting "Hut, hut, hut!" with each step.

"Protect the briefcase!" the Administrator commands.

"We need to protect the briefcase!" Ballistic echoes.

Downstairs, Ballistic meets the YLW Infiltrator, who is trying to open the door to the intelligence room.

"Yo, a little help here?" the Infiltrator asks.

"Hold on, hold on, I know how!" Ballistic pushes the Infiltrator aside "Step aside, girl!" Ballistic starts typing in the code "One, two, three… umm... four," Ballistic says the code aloud, earning a bewildered look from the Infiltrator.

"Go! Go! Go!" the Infiltrator urges Ballistic, casting aside her confusion.

The YLW Breaker (Armor-Breaker Weapon Woman) rushes out from a corner, holding her minigun, yelling, "I'm coming!" She breaks the door down, and all three tumble into the Intelligence Room. The Infiltrator falls near the desk, gets up, leans her hand near the briefcase, and sees that the intelligence is safe.

"Hey, it's still here!" she happily exclaims.

"Ahem," the YLW Saboteur says, attracting attention as she stands near the entrance with a dead YLW Archeress over her shoulder "Ladies?"

Meet the Spy!

"I see the briefcase is safe," the Saboteur walks up to her teammates.

"Safe and sound," Ballistic proudly declares, while the Infiltrator smirks, looking at the Archeress's corpse.

"Tell me, did anyone happen to kill a Red Spy on the way here?" the Saboteur asks the others. The three shake their heads and shrug in response. "No? Then we still have a problem!" The Spy drops the Archeress's body onto the desk, revealing a bloody knife sticking out of her back.

"Ooh, big problems!" The Infiltrator walks up and takes the knife "I kill plenty of Spies. They're dime-a-dozen, back-stabbin' scumbags. Like you," The Infiltrator tries to twirl the knife like the Spy, but only cuts her finger and drops it "Ow! No offense."

"If you managed to kill them, I assure you — they were not like me," the Saboteur performs the knife trick flawlessly, flicking it open and closed expertly, and hands it back to the Infiltrator "And nothing, nothing, like the man loose inside this building!"

"What are you, President of his fan club?" the Infiltrator scoffs.

Ballistic and Breaker laugh. The Saboteur slightly trembles with irritation, but hides this brief moment of weakness and turns back to the Infiltrator.

"No. That would be your mother!"

The Saboteur pulls out a folder and slams it onto the desk. Intimate photos of the Red Spy and the Infiltrator's mother spill out.

"What the?!" the Infiltrator stammers in shock and disbelief "Ah! Eeh? What the...!"

"Indeed. And now he is here to screw us! So listen up, boy! Or pornography starring your mother will be the second-worst thing that happens to you today!"

Ballistic and Breaker examine the photos. Breaker shows one to Ballistic, who exclaims, "Ooh!" The Saboteur lights a cigarette while the Infiltrator desperately tries to grab the photos.

"Give me that!" she manages to snatch a photo from Ballistic.

"This Spy has already breached our defenses..." the Saboteur begins.

The Red Spy is traversing a tunnel on the Hydro map. The camera pulls back, showing a YLW Sentry Gun with a Technician standing nearby. The Spy throws a Sapper, which lands on the Sentry Gun, immediately disabling and destroying it. The YLW Technician throws her wrench and reaches for her pistol, but the Spy manages to shoot the Technician in the head with his Revolver. The dead Technician falls through an open doorway. The Spy steps over the corpse and shoots someone off-camera.

In the YLW Intelligence Room, the YLW Saboteur is leaning over the dead Sniper's body, desperately making her point.

"You've seen what he's done to our colleagues!"

The YLW Archeress, still alive, is aiming her "Huntsman" bow out a window. The Red Spy creeps up on her, the creaking floorboard giving away his position. The Archeress, grabbing an arrow, enters into a skirmish with the Spy. She tries to hit the Spy with the arrow, but he skillfully dodges, knifing her cheek, then under her right ribcage, punching her back, and delivering the final stab to her back.

The Saboteur in the room looks at everyone suspiciously.

"But worst of all, he could be any one of us!"

The Red Spy is fighting the Healer, who is armed with a shock therapy gun on her arm.

"Raus, raus!"

The Spy breaks the Healer's arm, disarming her. A close-up shows the Spy's face, now disguised as the Healer, but without the glasses.

"Nein..." she whispers fearfully.

The Spy kills the Healer, skillfully hitting her throat, knocking her glasses off her face. The Spy catches them mid-air and puts them on, completing his disguise.

"He could be in this very room!" the Saboteur declares in the Intelligence Room "He could be you! He could be me! He could even be..."

Ballistic firing her shotgun, blowing the Saboteur's head off.

Breaker is bewildered, and the Infiltrator, startled, takes a defensive stance.

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" the Infiltrator exclaims.

"What?" Ballistic asks "It was obvious!" Ballistic reloads her shotgun "She was the Red Spy! Watch, she'll turn red any second now…"

Ballistic and Breaker lean over the Saboteur's corpse. Ballistic pokes her leg with the shotgun.

"A-a-any second now… See? Red! Wait… that's blood."

"We still have a problem. A big problem," Breaker states.

The Infiltrator is creeping up from behind with a sinister look on her face. She approaches Ballistic and Breaker, pulling out the knife she had earlier and deftly, skillfully performs the opening trick.

"Alright, who's ready to go find this Spy?" Ballistic asks.

As the Infiltrator draws closer, she starts to shimmer and "melt," revealing herself as the Red Spy.

"…Right behind you," the Spy answers the question and finishes the Saboteur's tirade.

The Team Fortress 2 final music plays with a background of the full Red team, but with the screams of Ballistic and Breaker and the sound of knife strikes hitting the beat of the melody.

The Spy's hand reaches for the scattered photographs of the Infiltrator's mother. The Red Spy picks one up, where he and she are walking hand-in-hand, and smiles thoughtfully.

"Ahh… ma petit chou-fleur," the Spy murmurs, then looks at the dead Saboteur "À bientôt, vieil ami," the Spy bids farewell to the Saboteur's corpse and leaves with the YLW Intelligence, taking the photo with him.