Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey Jez, come with me, we’re sword fighting today”

Jez blinks, he had been adjusting their bandages after a particular grueling round, 1x’s slashes were no joke, his blocks pretty much useless at resisting the poison damage, going back on topic, he tilts their head at the admin “uh?”

Shedlesky rolls his eyes, swinging their sword around unbothered “you heard me, we’re sword fighting on the heights today!” pumping his fists up, full of vigor and looking way too proud at that stupid bad joke of his.

Dussekar, who was passing by, perks up, before letting out a sigh, their deer ears twitching as they speak “Shedlesky wants to make it up to you after going against 1—“ “Matt shut up!”

Oh so that’s what it is, Jez is honestly amused but it, giggling as the admins being their usual banter, in the few weeks he’s been here, they have noticed a pattern, Shedlesky says something, Builderman or Dussekar interjects with a cheeky comment, and they begin arguing like an old married couple.

“Whatever–you’re not invited to our training session!” He pokes Matt’s chest, who only seems a bit miffed about it, Jez tentatively raises his hand “When did I agree to this?”

Shedlesky turns to them, and before he knows it, Jez is being dragged from his collar, the strong grip of the administrator making it impossible to get away “—right now actually! Come on Jez!” They really can’t do anything against this, so everyone watches as he’s dragged to their impending doom, maybe.

“You see Jez—us swordmen know how important the blade is—“ He takes them to what they assume is the training spot he and other sentinels use, there’s some rudimentary equipment, but from what it looks like, it’s serves the intended purpose, Jez nods “well—“ he sees the point they’re trying to make, mentally they think this could be done in a less aggressive way “—I figured, we could maybe pass the time, eh? You and me—swordmen to swordmen” He’s half hugging them by the shoulders, a smile too wide adorning his face at the prospect of swordfighting, Jez, has a sudden realization, Shedlesky must be feeling really bad about that round, so, like the good kid he is, agrees to this impromptu training session.

He looks very pleased at their seeming approval, twirling their blade around masterfully “alright, but before that—here’s what we’ll do” Shedlesky’s sword is pointed at them, Jez has to suppress the instinctual need to draw their blade on reflex, usually, the person at the end of the blade it’s his father, which isn’t a good thing, but this is not their dad— nevertheless, the admin goes on 

“I want to see what you’re made of first—then we’ll go from there”

Jez holds his own weapon out “so, a show of skill?” Beginning to circle the admin, who also does the same thing, their wing ears ruffled from the challenge “You catch on quickly,  I like that” Shedlesky clicks his tongue “I’m ready when you are, I’ll give you the first strike”

He is clearly showing off, rolling his eyes as Jez grip on their sword tightens, exhaling to focus.

“Don’t have all da—wohAH!” He lunges, the metal ringing is overshadowed by Shedlesky’s growing laugh, one full of excitement and vigor, Jez throws themselves back, grinning “Catch you off guard?”  Both follwing each other across the arena, the admin chuckles “I’ll admit it, just this once— let me show you what real swordsmanship is like!”

In a flash, their swords meet with such a force Jez stammers, it seems Shedlesky isn’t bluffing at all— Their strength is unlike he’s seen before, he grunts, but that doesn’t stop them from returning the blow, trying to get as much distance as possible. They fall back into a fast paced exchange of blows, blades clashing and being diverted as quick as they come, it’s a familiar rhythm Jez is comforted by, but there’s a clear absence of the grueling and painful reflexes of his training back home, in a completely new way, he’s enjoying swordfighting, for the first time maybe, who knew that not having the threat of being beaten if failure does wonders for their mood.

Jez wobbles from a particular hard swing, being caught by surprise from below, Shedlesky hums, seemingly unbothered by the speed at which they’re clashing “Focus—! He heaves “yes sir!” It comes out from instinct, but the admin seems amused by it.

He's clearly losing, their strikes becoming slower and slower, his breathing coming out heavier, he wishes they had removed the jacket beforehand, now feeling the heat getting to him, he curses as it becomes harder to keep up, Shedlesky seemingly noticing his waning strength, eyes going uncharacteristically serious for the admin as they almost fall down from another hit. He doesn’t need to look to know they’re being cornered, the space of movement becoming smaller with every clash of swords, every strike being deflected so effortlessly that slight frustration starts to bubble inside his head.

And maybe that makes them fall towards usual habits, because the Empire doesn’t train you to survive, no— it trains you to win, Jez clenching his jaw as they purposely let Shedlesky go forward, clearly surprised at his “accidental” slip up— 

The blade connects with his bandaged arm, Shedlesky jumping back with a perturbed expression “hey—“ but Jez doesn’t let them finish, the brief opening allowing him to spin and gain enough momentum forward, hissing at the strength in which the two swords hit each other, the two of them stuck in against each other, it is then that he realizes the deep frown on the admin’s gaze, contrasting the cheerful and excited expression he was wearing moments before.

His whole arm is trembling, clearly weakened from the wound that’s now staining the bandages, it makes it easier for them to maneuver him to the side, before throwing them back with a quick swing, Jez’s entire body stumbling before rolling onto the ground, moaning in pain.

Shedlesky sheathes his own sword away, walking towards the fallen teenager with slight urgency, clearly thinking about something as they go to help him up, or well, attempt to help him up “You good there?”

Jez lies on his back, groaning as the pain of his little stunt catches up to him “Just—ouch-give me a moment….” They choke out, it must be quite a deep wound, judging from the pain of it, man—that was stupid.

The older robloxian kneels down, he’s able to make out the clearly conflicted face Shedlesky is making, before he sighs “Come on, let me see that—Guest will have my head if he finds out...” Jez raises an eyebrow, hoisting himself into a sitting position, letting them hold his cut arm, they click his tongue, feathers ruffling up involuntarily “You’re lucky I quickly pulled back, otherwise it might’ve gone deeper—“ scrunching his nose at the metallic scent that fills the air “—probably will take a few weeks to heal, if Elliot doesn’t kill me for it—“ he mutters, earning a small chuckle from Jez “—You and me both”

Despite that, their serious demeanor is not swaying in the slightest, it is kind of freaking him out, Shedlesky’s eyes devoid of the cheekiness that he’s grown accustomed to, they exhale, it’s one full of underlying frustration “What kind of stunt was that uh? Which idiot told you to do that?” 

Jez swallows, well—that’s an easy question to answer, but he doesn’t think the admin will react well to that, so they go for the second option “Uh—the Empire, I guess” he shrugs, but quickly regrets that, hissing at the sudden movement, only making the admin frown deeper “You know, in a real fight–that arm?–gone, that’s what your sword it’s for, to protect yourself–“

Jez sulks, watching as Shedlesky tries his best to bandage the wound with the little stuff he has at hand “—and others, you fight to live—” He huffs, he watches as their eyes become heavier, “—Not like that, like you’re the weapon”

They stand in silence, somehow, feeling like there’s an underlying storm in those words, he wonders, what weight the admin carries to completely dull those eyes of his, it isn’t advice, it’s a warning, they realize, his words being too severe for them to be empty.

Jez bites the interior of their cheek, a bit embarrassed at the stern scolding from Shedlesky, who only lets out a long suffering sigh, getting up alongside them “Come on—let’s go back, we can continue later, I’m starving—“ the admin dragging them by the shoulder, while he absentmindedly ate some chicken from who knows where, of course if his grip gets tighter when his step wobbled, Jez didn’t say anything.

From that moment, there’s a new thing added to his routine, training with Shedlesky, much to them and the survivors surprise, except Dussekar though, he seemed to know damn well the true purpose of this little venture, to the admin’s dismay and despair at the possible blackmail material, Jez is quite entertained by it, this is….what they call though love right?  they thought as he watched  the other sentinels hound Shedlesky for answers, and Elliot, of course, after all, according to Taph, he looked like a kicked dog when they came back from that little sword fight session.

Granted his swings did get better over the course of a few weeks, the training certainly bore its fruits, and nobody said anything that every time he landed a stun, Shedlesky puffed his chest out like an idiot, only to miss their own ability after, truly fitting, Jez thinks.

Chapter Text

It was bound to happen, if anything, Jez is surprised it took this long

The moment he woke up with a runny nose and a migraine, he didn’t fight it all, they just sighed, and went back to sleep, who is he to go against their body’s wishes? And this may also serve as a good excuse to skip sword training today.

At least that was his plan, rousing his eyes open at the sound of banging from the door. He attempts to ignore it at first, but it gets more persistent, to the point where he drags his step to the cabin foyer’s, worried that if he doesn’t respond the person is gonna tear it down, judging by the insistent knocking.

When he opens it, the first thing Jez feels is how cold it is, immediately sneezing at the change in temperature, the second thing he notices is blurry figures standing in front of him, multiple in fact, having to squint to clear his own sight “Uh…. Good morning…..”

Two Time and Noob quickly exchange glances, the former being at least more subtle about it, smiling “Good morning my friend…..you seem….less adequate than usual…” He blinks, Noob on the other hand, at least looks a bit sheepish “Jez! You look—very bad ....” she purses their lip in concern “maybe you should rest a bit more—“ He coughs, it’s a wet sound, frankly, disgusting in his own opinion, Two Time’s smile only grows, albeit Jez can make out a slight crinkle at the edges, he shakes his head

“no..no I’ll be there—“ a sneeze “—shortly… ”

The others stare at him for a good while, before nodding reluctantly, Noob clearly wants to stay but they’re dragged by Two Time, sighing as the door closes with a click, Jez shudders, feeling the changing temperature with a slight grimace, Telamon he’s gross, sweat sticking all over their skin.

Jez slumps down onto the bed, rubbing his brow fringe to subdue an upcoming migraine, huffing with slight frustration, he’s never liked being sick he isn’t allowed to be sick, normally they would pop a few pills and be on their merry way, or Zara would come and check on them along with her father. Zara, a pang of sadness overtakes his entire being, her absconded becomes even greater right now, in this cold cabin, Jez quickly goes to wipe their swelling eyes with their shirt, lips downtrodden in silence when he lays down, if he’s being honest their entire body feels too heavy, closing his eyes at the ceiling, they let out a deep exhale.

five more more minutes couldn’t hurt right?

—-

Everyone was already in the cabin, chatter and laughter filling up the room with background noise.

It is an image that Seven has never been part of, being a mere spectator from the side, granted some people approach him, Guest 1377, or Chance, maybe Taph is Builderman isn’t in the vicinity, but those are far in between, and he doesn’t blame them, who would want to talk to them? After everything he’s done?

A small voice in his head cries out, it’s unfair! It’s so unfair! But the more rational side of them stomped it down, after all, Seven doesn’t look for forgiveness.

He prefers to observe, perhaps this is why he’s the first to notice a missing spot in the kitchen table, pausing in between fiddling of their panel, uh, weird, Jez is the last person he would expect to not show up, the kid had a tight schedule, so tight in fact that Seven is surprised no one had noticed his absence earlier, always on time for breakfast, always on time for rounds so on and so forth, he mentally wonders if that’s the reason  Shedlesky has been oddly active recently, maybe embarrassed that their own student had a better routine than him, , slight amused by that image. Nevertheless they go back to the topic at hand, slight worry bubbling up their back, call it a gut feeling but Seven finds themselves on their doorstep, hand hovering over the wood in doubt.

Maybe he’s overreacting, maybe he’s being unnecessarily pushy, but then again, rarely is his gut feeling wrong.

They knock, once, and wait a few minutes, he knows twice, thrice, and by the fourth one Seven’s worry does show up on his face “Jez?”

Nothing, not even shuffling from inside, swallowing in concern, and tentatively pushes the door, not expecting the ease which it opens, his brows arch in confusion.

Seven steps in 

His first impression of the cabin is definitely one of cozyness, it’s got a really nostalgic vibe that the hacker can’t help themselves to fall back into, Jez’s room may not be as loud as his own teenage self one, but there’s little knickknacks that he smiles at, so unapologetic Jez.

Deep down though, he’s a bit sad about it, that unapologetically Jez means little, almost deliberately hidden details from the surface, and not because of the usual teenager embarrassment, judging how they talk about their own father.

Shaking his head, Seven goes back to focus, following a small light towards the teen’s bedroom.

He finds the source of their musings halfway down their own bed, Seven, feels their own age through his bones, slightly nostalgic for that time where he could also sleep like that, it would be an amusing situation, if it weren’t from the pinched expression of Jez’s face, gently moving them into a more comfortable position, immediately noting their high body temperature, they come to a realization, he’s sick, really sick, no wonder he didn’t show up, they wouldn’t either honestly. He halts, hearing a weak groan, and watches as they gently shuffle in bed for a few moments before falling limp once again, Seven swallows nervously, gently shaking Jez’s shoulder until he at least has some awareness, his eyes fluttering open and squinted in concentration.

“Ugh….Mr.Seven..?” They weakly croaked, his own voice seemed to surprise them, making Jez blink a few times before sighing with clear frustration “Oh……Darn…”

7n7 tentatively steps closer, his horns giving out a slight red glow, contrasting the predominantly blue of the environment “Hey… uh you– er— you didn’t arrive for breakfast so I got worried—eh—and I knocked but there wasn’t an answer—“ Seven ends up rambling, only stopping to glance at Jez, who was staring at him with glassy eyes, frowning

“I get it just….giv’me a minute….” They nodded, though if the hacker’s being honest Jez looks like he got hit by a bus right now, against his better judgment, they put them back into bed with a gentle push, which he doesn’t even fight at all, Seven shaking his head “

Actually I think… You should rest for today Jez…” clicking his lips in displeasure “I could get Dussekar—

“No! No…—“ The bacon suddenly jumped from the bed, but flopped back down, brows furrowed in clear pain as he spoke “—No I’ll be fine… just… Don’t want to bother anyone…” Seven has to tilt a bit closer, Jez almost mumbling their words as he slurred them out.

They want to protest, he doesn’t know if they are aware but Matt clearly has a soft spot for them, 7n7 is sure the admin would gladly cast a recovery spell, but not wanting to go against the teen’s wishes he only nods, ignoring the slight bother in his gut. “Alright… I won’t but— let me get you something to eat at least, ok?”

7n7 only hears a soft mkay as they turn around, tail thumping on the floor in thought, well darn Seven didn’t think he would get this far, halfway expecting Jez to just shoo him away with a polite good morning Mr.Seven and Yes I am totally fine. 

He forces themselves to focus, pulling out their gui and typing the usual location, rubbing his chin as the code goes through, 7n7 cannot help the slight nostalgic feeling that he is greeted by, this is a familiar situation that they’ve been through countless of times, something to lift his usual gloomy mood. The gui beeps in success, and the hacker’s figure dissolves into code before appearing in the cabin’s kitchen, Seven gets to work, opening the fridge to see what they can get, there’s a cold pizza slice in the back, figuring this is the best they can get, 7n7 goes to close the door—

“7n7?”

He turned around, Guest 1377 stood in the entrance, leaning onto the door frame with curiosity in his eyes, Seven flinched, and then let out a slight nervous laugh, waving awkwardly “Guest!– you startled me haha—“ holding the pizza slice out in their hands, his tail swaying behind with a slight jitter “—I was just… getting my portion don’t–don’t mind me—“

It’s always both interesting and terrifying being under Guest’s gaze, only a few can match the soldier in wits but that contrasts with their sheer softness, which has the effect of almost  subconsciously opening up to the other, great when in need of emotional comfort, bad for keeping secrets, Seven is already feeling his own walls being chipped little by little, and figures they need to get out line of sight, giving a slight nod as he walks out of the kitchen while Guest only watched in slight confusion, and something else that they cannot make out as they talk 

“That’s Jez’s slice, yours was… stolen by Chance”

7n7 shoulders shrunk, which wasn’t lost on Guest, head tilted up in interest, he’d given something away, and they weren’t letting him go, humming as he tried to do some damage control “Well I’ll just give them to him–I was–er—already on my way to—“

“—to?”

Seven mentally cursed Guest 1337 and his observance! Whatever little courage he had worked up waning slowly, he’s itching to use their C00lgui and teleport away, but he can’t do that to Guest, one of the few people who had some respect for him, and the only one probably, taking a deep breath to calm themselves “to—to the pier… you know— we both like to… look at the sea”  It isn’t technically a lie, but also not the truth, but Guest seems satisfied with the answer, his posture relaxing almost on cue

“Ah, that’s why he wasn’t at breakfast today, well then I’ll be on my way–“ They stretched his arms, before shaking his head “—Tell him I said hi”

Seven nodded and darted out of there, his gui already set up to teleport back into Jez’s cabin, beeping successfully once he’s in the cold room, gently nudging the sick teenager until he manages to wake up and eat some slices of pizza.

“Mr. Seven…—“ a cough “–you’re pretty good at this…makes me think of a doctor…” Jez mumbles in between bites, the comment making him let out a slight chuckle, but it morphs into an expression full of melancholy, 7n7 pursing his lips, blinking

“…C00lkidd got sick a lot…” 

From the corner of his eye, he can see the way Jez stops chewing slowly and falls into a comforting silence, Seven continues, a bittersweet smile adorning his features “ when he was.. a bit younger loved staying out in the rain—I’ve… I’ve got some experience with colds—“

It’s silent, until Jez hums, nodding “Makes sense…” resuming his chewing.

7n7’s hands tremble, like he’s expecting something, the usual comments, anything, but they never come, he ends up lost in thought in the stillness between them, too absolved in his own mind to realize Jez had begun to fall asleep again.

I guess being full made them sleepy. Seven mused with a slight smile, and carefully pulled the covers over him, the teen mumbling so softly he had to lean forward to make it out.

“Thanks’Seven…” and he was out, leaving 7n7 standing there, the sound of Jez’s snoring being the only thing that sounded in the room. He doesn’t know what compelled them to stay, maybe it’s the way a memory overlaps with Jez’s image, a red child also in bed, or the image of the teen, who always stands strong, too strong for someone his age, looking so small in the covers, looking like the kid he is, but Seven drags a chair from the living room, and sits down, clasping his hands together with a sigh.

Maybe it’s selfish, 007n7 is being selfish, using Jez’s sickness to satisfy this need of want, he misses his son, he missed being a parent, he missed this, Seven knows he won’t get it back, no matter how much he wails and cries their little boy is not so little anymore, C00lkidd is very much alive, but they feel like their mourning a living ghost.

He wonders if Jez would understand, after all, they are quite similar, both cowards, after all.

Its the opposite actually, 007n7 hates the way Jez talks about themselves, he is far from a coward, they're kind, strong, too strong in fact for his young age, and maybe that's what upsets him the most

They let themselves relax, almost lulling into sleep, at least until several knocks interrupt the peaceful silence, his slight annoyance is overtaken by fear.

Seven hesitated standing up, but a groan from Jez clears his head, and allows him to gather slight valor to go towards the door, he manages to count at least two different voices from the wall, swallowing and opening it in a swoop.

Guest, Elliot and Noob stand in front of his door, he wonders if they could see the way Seven visibly deflated at the sight of the little trio, they must’ve, because there’s a variety of reactions, confusion from Noob, a bit of surprise from Guest, and suspicious from Elliot, and damn it that hurt, the way his eyes narrowed immediately and his tone came out sharp, accusatory “

What are you doing here?”

His throat feels dry even though they just swallowed mere seconds ago, looking for the right words to explain themselves, coughing

“I–“ hesitating, the weak request from Jez echoing in his mind, he absolutely feels horrible at the thought of betraying his trust, but— this isn’t really a situation he can get out of, besides, they could probably take better care of him than he could, nevermind the warmth that bloomed on his chest when Jez thanked him.

“—Jez’s sick, so I was—er–taking care of him…”

Guest and Elliot seem to be the ones affected by the information, Noob seemingly knowing this, let’s out a small cry, their hands waving around the air “Ah!—I knew it… He looked really tired so–so I guessed they slept in…” dipping their head slightly, shame coloring their yellow skin “I’m sorry guys…I should’ve known the moment he didn’t show up for breakfast”

The worker’s eyes seem to soften, putting a comforting hand on Noob’s shoulder and murmuring a small "it's okay” , Guest steps forward , there’s clear worry showing on their features, and his usual protective glint

“how is he?”

“His fever just went down actually—they’re sleeping right now” Seven closes the door behind him, being careful to do it softly, the three of them visibly relaxing at his words, but Elliot only crosses his arms, looking away from their direction

“Well then I think— we can take it from here”

“Elliot” Guest 1377 calls out, voice firm but steady, holding the worker’s shoulder which makes them huff “Thank you, 7n7, You’ve been here all morning I think you deserve to rest too”.

Noob nodded along, smiling shyly “Ye–Yes! I think so too Mr.Seven”.

He swallowed, and ducked his head, saying some quick goodbyes before going his way, ignoring the way his chest clenches, selfish, he’s so selfish, you do not deserve this, you did this to satisfy yourself

Stay in your lane 007n7, you are a spectator after all.

———

Jez is dragged out of bed by Noob the next day, he’s scolded by Elliot, then Guest, then Shedlesky, Builderman–everyone really, except Dussekkar, who only tapped their head with his scepter, a soft glow from a recovery spell briefly illuminating the room, and sighed fondly, Seven watched from the sidelines as the bacon was dragging himself with a pout, he smiled slightly, after all, they are glad Jez still retains their attitude even when sick.

What he doesn’t expect is for them to approach them in the pier, calling his name as they sit beside them with a strained smile “Mr. Seven, I figured you would be here”

He greets them back, nodding “Good morning Jez, I’m glad you seem better”

The teen grins sheepishly, scratching his head as they hesitate to speak “Thanks I–um I wanted to actually thank you–about that—” the sound of the waves fills in the silence, Seven waits for something else “—I really owe you one”

Jez never stops surprising him, he quickly shakes their head, “no, no you don’t owe me anything kid” he pats his shoulder, which seems to calm their nerves, clicking their tongue.

“Are you sure… I feel like—“

“You didn’t bother me Jez” Seven gently answered, going to look at the teen with stern eyes “okay?”

“Okay…” They nodded slowly before hoisting himself up “I’m starving… want to get breakfast with me?” 

The older robloxian shook his head, putting his hand up to politely decline “I’ll eat later Jez don’t worry about it”

They look like they wish to protest, but he wanes, saying his goodbyes again as they trot towards the survivor cabin, 007n7 watches as the figure of Jez becomes smaller, and smaller, a sudden pang of sadness making them look away, for a moment the figure once again overlapped with a familiar red child, quickly looking back into the sea to bury their woes.

He will stay where they belong, in the distance

Because Seven is not only a spectator but a sinner

And this is his atonement

Chapter Text

Once her anger settles, Zara begins to evaluate her current circumstances

You see, she’s always considered herself a realist, of course everyone always looks towards a better future, but they have grown to see the ugly and harsh truth of the world around her, something that comes from both her surroundings and profession of choice

Zara is prepared for tragedy, at least she thought she was, because when her world comes crashing down on her she falls along too.

She isn’t a realist, she was so naive, to think people would understand, to see her crumbling home and wish for a better tomorrow

Zara was innocent, and it cost her everything

Scoffing, they kick a stray pebble around, sitting inside this dark alley, hidden from the home she once had some love for, it wasn’t much, but it was something, now that same land had plastered wanted posters with her face on them

What a joke, this city is rotten from the inside out, too young to notice, and too old now for it to mean something.

With knife in hand, she runs through the night, following instructions towards the usual spot, it’s always cold in the desert but growing up in it has made it bearable, in the silent journey she lets her own mind wander maybe the first mistake was knowing there could be and “if”, she briefly looks up, expression sour

They would love this, the twinkling sky.

Zara calls, a weird feeling making her shiver, realizing no one is to respond this time.

Huffing, they roll onto the ground, arriving at an abandoned building just outside town, who knew those sneaking out sessions would be useful like this, even so she still has to perfect her stealth, Zara’s never been a fighter, until now.

“Zara…?”

She turns, her hardened expression softens for a moment, “Rose”

Her friend also wears clothing for the night. Zara likes it, much better than the orange that haunts her memories, the Guest flicks her pink hair, also smiling at the other, but there’s a clear edge of nerves hanging in the air, “I thought you weren’t coming… took you longer than usual…”

This is their usual routine, Zara scouts in the shadows for any way to escape, and Rose (along with her mother, who she still wishes to meet one day) brings supplies for survival, they are a wanted citizen now, she can’t just waltz out in the street like before, “I was just… distracted”

Rose is lucky those bacons helped her, when she caught wind of it, that she and her mother had escaped, they almost had a heart attack, Zara cannot lose anyone to the empire ever again 

“Zara Bacon? Distracted? Oh my—“ they both giggle, rolling her eyes without any malice, she lets herself relax, somewhere inside her mind they can just pretend like it’s all okay, just like before, shaking her head

“Come on now—“ Zara huffs, but her face morphs into something more… sincere, almost meek “—I was just, reminiscing”

Rose ‘s mouth hangs out in the air, blinking 

“Oh”

 lips pursed in displeasure, she scratched her bacon hair in a shameful awareness “Sorry, I totally ruined the mood didn’t I?”. To her surprise, Rose doesn’t seem to be bothered

“No… No it’s fine, I been thinking a lot about…everything”

Zara hums, absentmindedly opening a cereal bar as she speaks, her Guest friend seems to be deeply in thought “I never thought it would come to this…”

She neither, in all honesty, Zara had imagined her future outside of the empire, instead of inside, trapped, but she wouldn’t let it be that way, not for her, not for Rose.

“Hey… it’ll be fine, I’ll won’t let anything happen to you…” putting a hand on her shoulder, there’s an unspoken grief in the air, the word again doesn’t need to come out of her mouth, it is clearly implied

“Not after… what they did to him”

The Guest’s eyes widen, Zara can make out the way her eyes glisten, but doesn’t comment on it, letting Rose compose herself before nodding

“Alright then… Thank you Zara”

She smiles, the night doesn’t feel as oppressive anymore, not while Rose is alongside her, their hair almost glowing in the moonlight.

A guiding light, Zara thinks, it fits her.

“How’s your mother, by the way?” 

Rose perks up, hair flicking to the side of her shoulder, she’s wearing winter clothing now, courtesy of Zara who might have or not learned a bit of stuff about…let’s just call it illegal acquisition of goods, she’s leaning on the wall, watching her friend expectantly 

“She’s… getting better–“ wavering, she takes a deep breath “–I still want you to meet her but…”

Rose sighs, something heavy beneath it, and Zara’s demeanor softens 

“I get it, you don’t have to force her to meet me Rose, not after what the bacons did to her”

In fact, Rose’s mother didn’t really like both of them from the beginning, and who could blame her? The bacons tortured her, her daughter, her people, Zara, as much as it saddens her, understands the situation, even if her friend looks as downtrodden as she is, lips strung in a line

“I know! But–You’re not like those bacons, you two–“ Rose’s sniffles, oddly embarrassed, “–You two saved my life…” 

There’s a beat, and Zara for one second cannot believe how bashful Rose’s words are, choking on her own spit in surprise, and oddly flattered, it dawns on her the implications of those words, now knowing the horrors that surround them both

“Oh…” It's all they can bring to say, a part of her feels slightly scared, but it helps strengthen her resolve, her goal.

She and Rose are going to be free, Zara will make sure of it.

—----------------

She truly wants to stay positive, Zara wishes to keep some of the naive hopefulness that embodied her as a child, but the empire makes this harder every single day.

Life goes on, only for a few in this place, the atmosphere gets heavier, the empire gets aggressive, it starts small, little things trickling bit by bit, no foreign media, no more public libraries, oh but Zara isn’t blind, she sees what this trail is leading too, so the result doesn’t come as a surprise.

It’s all over the papers, she reads the words once again

Official Imperial decree: Borders will be restricted for an indefinite amount of time due to outside tensions

Oh well, this was coming from a mile away, she isn’t really bothered by that, on the other hand, this does put a dent in her already forming plans, Zara scoffs, face up the sky like she’s attempting to call any gods for help.

The empire didn’t even have the decency to give a week’s pardon… well it’s not like they had any to begin with… Which means… any foreign caravan has to leave as soon as morning

The cogs start turning in her head, and something which Zara thought she had lost starts to light up again

hope

She feels giddy, a smile forms on her face, this is their chance, it has to be today.

Zara doesn’t even do her usual scouting, too nervous to think properly, she almost jumps in joy when Rose comes into view at their usual spot, albeit shocked by their clearly energetic demeanor

“Zara? You seem—Eek!” They yank her by the shoulder so their faces almost touch, the Guest looks both confused and mildly amused by her odd behavior, Zara gasps in excitement 

“Rose! Rose I got it, I finally got it!”

“—got what..?”

“How we will escape!” She opens her arms wide, for the first time in weeks, maybe months, Zara’s smiling, not a tired one that Rose has seen, but a genuine one, the warmth from those days when they were three briefly returning as she speaks “You saw the decree right? That means every foreign caravan has to leave by morning”

Rose isn’t following, nodding with her brow furrowed, but entertains whatever hypothesis Zara’s conjuring right now, pacing back and forth muttering and murmuring like a mad woman, the guest tentatively reaches out, hand brushing her acorn hair with hesitation

“Um.. you are gonna dig a hole in the floor right there…” A smirk, but in her eyes there's something brewing, Zara cannot quite make it out because, Rose, is a survivor, a survivor of something much more haunting than what Zara’s gone through, and it clearly echoes in the way she so quickly can become detached from reality, even to her “... Now.. go again– but slowly this time”

The bacon girl nods, fists pumped below her like a restraint “Al–Alright! The imperial decree only goes into effect at twelve, yeah? that means whatever little foreign caravans that were here, are probably scrambling to leave right now–”

Rose’s eye light up “--And because of that, there’s not gonna be enough personnel to check all of those carts–”

“--Yes! I love you Rose!” Zara laughs, full of glee and excitement at their newfound plan, she’s pumping her fists in the air, for the first time in months there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

If she had thought to look, they would’ve been able to make out the expression in Rose’s face, frowning.

—--------

The night is young, so painfully young, Zara stands in the cold desert, sand flowing with the wind, her white skin contrasting with the moonlight, this is the rendezvous spot accorded just yesterday, a plan thrown together fueled by both desperation and hope, Rose behind her, having stopped from walking mere seconds ago, much to her confusion.

“Rose?”

Even if the empire is as hostile as ever, there's a few detractors, courtesy of her father’s contacts, who must be waiting for the two of them for pickup, Zara’s brows furrowed in now concern, as the other young girl stays silent, “Rose, we have to go, your mother is already there they cant leave us behind”

She finally meets her gaze, and her breath falters, their gaze heavy with an unknown confession, pink hair standing out from the dark night.

“Zara, you told me before leaving that– we can leave the empire behind, we can start a new life together– she chokes “--But, but i cant!--”

They stride forward, going to comfort her friend, because Rose is crying, Rose is crying and that's wrong, because Zara had never seen her so broken before, she's panicking, unprepared for this sudden flow of emotions “Rose! What are you talking about? Please be so close! I–” Their shoulders shag with shame, almost like she's being dragged down into the floor, Zara, in her frenzy, briefly wonders why she carries herself like someone on death row.

“It's not fair Zara! Not after–” A sob, and then a whisper “--Not after Jez…”

They both halt, words akin to a spell, to something forbidden, a name that they both cannot bear to utter, after all, the mere mention has her face retching into a miserable frown, and then grief.

“Oh Rose…” She's crying too, because when Rose cries, she also goes along, something that had gotten her endlessly teased by both of her friends, together sharing their woes as children in war.

Their sobs only shake with mourning, she cannot deny that shared sentiment, it's unfair, it should’ve been three, not two, it's wrong, how both of them turn as expecting a laugh that never comes on multiple occasions.

Rose drags herself up, suddenly holding her wrists like a lifeline, and Zara baits a breath at the sheer sorrow of those obsidian eyes, suddenly so far away from her.

“Zara im– I'm so sorry I– oh Telamon, please forgive me for this–” She's confused, as to why the cascade of apologies flow. Rose is the last person to deserve atonement, as much as a victim and a survivor.

“I need to tell you that- It's my fault, Jez’s death.”

Her face falls, brows furrowed. 

“Rose– Rose that's not true… We couldn't have known that–”

“I KNEW! I ALWAYS KNEW!” Her friend pushed her hands away, which attempted to reach down, pull her back, come back, her hair has always shined under the moonlight but now it burns into her eyes, like a flame, “I gave him away! I gave him away because– They threatened my mother!--”, If her previous tears were of sorrow, these ones are of pure frustration, not at her, she realizes, but at everything, “--I was scared! I was so scared. I'm so sorry if I knew what they would do to him–!”

Zara, stands still, her chest begins to burn, not unlike before, but it feels like acid, bubbling up to her throat, her sad frown turning slowly, it hardens, the walls come back up, and her heart thrums with a familiar feeling.

hate

Zara’s burning with hate

hate for the empire, hate for the death of Jez, hate for the general, the colonel, the people that keep this wretched governing going, hate to her father, who made them aware of an “if”, hate for her innocent self

but Rose

Zara could never hate Rose

“Leave”

Rose falters, eyes wide with regret, fear, shame, it stings, the dawn of something that has shattered, never to be repaired, and maybe the both realize this, because Rose only hiccups and sobs as she walks past her, guilty silence.

Zara doesn't look back, because if she does, they might just crumble there, only shouting with sorrow

“Leave, and never come back, you heard me–I never want to see your face again!”

They don't know if Rose made it, She's alone now, her entire being screams with wrongness.

It should’ve been three, not one