Chapter Text
She wasn’t surprised when he rolled them onto the bed, pressing himself against her. He barely gave her time to catch her breath and he was kissing her again, the kind of kiss that would always leave her breathless and wanting more. She removed his shirt, her fingers slowly tracing his abs. As he pressed himself harder against her, she played with the hair at the base of his neck with a hand, her legs loosely wrapped against his.
“I love you, Jess.”
He whispered in between kisses and his declaration was all it took to bring her back to earth and what they were doing. She tilted her head to the side, to put an end to the kisses despite wanting to continue this as much as Jimmy did. She opened her lips to speak, just as Jimmy’s lips found that spot in her neck that would always make her knees go weak.
“Jimmy…”
And she knew that his name sounded much more like a moan than how she meant it. She closed her eyes and tried to get a hold of her emotions and keep a clear mind, as her head and her heart were fighting, and almost failed when he kissed her neck again.
“Jimmy.” She managed to say and pushed him away softly, stroking the back of his neck gently. He stopped instantly and she looked at him, breathing heavily. “We probably shouldn’t. Sorry. Not that I don’t want to… But we should…”
“Talk.” He finished for her, when he noticed the look in her eyes, nodding in understanding. He got up, not without kissing her again and he whispered. “I’ll just need some fresh water first.”
“Yeah. Me too. Please.”
Her eyes followed him into the kitchen, watching every muscle on his back as she imagined her fingers tracing them, still feeling warm from having those muscles pressed against her just seconds ago and knowing she could have had more. Her mouth went dry as these thoughts and more crossed her mind, she licked her lips trying to get ahold of her emotions and the desire she felt right now. She temporarily forgot why they had stopped what they were doing, when they had both clearly been enjoying it. Her eyes met his when he turned around and that interrupted her daydream.
“You should put on a shirt, too.”
She whispered, almost shyly, taking a sip of water as she felt heat in her cheeks at admitting that she would not be able to focus if he stayed shirtless. From the smirk on his face, she could tell he was amused by this. He didn’t tease her, though, and she was glad because she wasn’t sure she would have been able to keep her hands to herself and he grabbed his shirt that he put back on.
Just as Jimmy was getting dressed again, his phone rang with a notification and Jessica’s eyes flew in the direction of his phone and her heart sank instantly. She would have recognized that sound anytime. Jimmy looked at her and didn’t miss the pain in her eyes, even if she hid it quickly and he turned around to face her.
“Jess. This is…” not what it looks like, he had been about to say but as he realized how cliché that sounded, he had stopped himself and settled on. “This is MateQuest but this is just Kasie.”
“Kasie?”
She asked, a little confused. The rollercoaster of her emotions that night not helping her focus on anything.
“Yeah. She’s sending me the crazy or funny profiles she comes across whenever she has time to spend on the app.”
As he explained, she nodded slowly, still a little confused. He grabbed his phone and sat down next to her on the bed.
“Here, let me show you.”
He handed her his phone on Kasie’s messages and let her swipe through them. She laughed a few times as she read the descriptions or saw the crazy photos those women were posting.
“Oh. I know that one. She matched with Torres a few months ago.”
Jess gave him his phone back, and wasn’t sure what to say after that. She still had not forgotten how hurt she had felt when she had received that text that was for one of those women, or even worse, when she had found him making out with someone else. She never wanted to relieve that.
“Listen, Jess.” He started seriously and she kept her eyes fixed on her feet as she was absently playing with her shoe. “I only keep the app for the laughs with Kasie and I…”
“You don’t owe me any explanation, Jimmy.”
She cut him softly as she looked at him but Jimmy shook his head and took her hands in his, drawing small circles on her skin with his thumb.
“I know, but I want to explain.” He softly said, looking her in the eyes. He had lately realized a few things and he felt like it was the perfect opportunity to have that talk with her. “As I was saying, I only keep the app for Kasie. I’ve received tens of matches or women asking for a date…”
“I don’t really want to know that.”
Jess cut him again, hearing about his dating life was the last thing she wanted. But Jimmy kept speaking as if she hadn’t interrupted him.
“But none of them are you and I don’t want to see any of them.”
Her heart missed a bit - or two - and her eyes flew to his instantly at his words and she looked at him with hope.
“I don’t want to see anyone else.”
Not being entirely sure of what to say, nor what it meant for them exactly - was it his way to say he wanted to see her again? - Jess leaned in and kissed him almost shyly. She chewed on her lower lip and whispered, as her face was still so close to his.
“You’re one of the reasons I came back from California.”
Jess stood up with her glass in her hands, and she crossed the room to stand in front of the window, looking at the lightning outside. She had never admitted that out loud to anyone, even though she was sure pretty much everyone assumed Jimmy was one of the reasons she was back in DC. She knew they needed to talk about that but it was hard for her since it had really been a hard time for her there.
Jimmy was surprised she mentioned California at all considering she hadn’t talked about it, not even once, since she’s been back in DC. He watched her carefully as she kept her back to him and he stayed silent, giving her time and waiting for her to speak again. When she didn’t though, he knew her well enough to know she probably needed some little push to open up so he softly asked.
“How was California?”
“Not as great as everyone thinks it was.”
Her voice was neutral but Jimmy could tell it was hard for her to talk about it.
“So it didn’t get better.”
It wasn’t a question and she shook her head, still not looking at him. She had called him one night, when it had barely been 3 weeks since she had left.
“Jess? Is everything alright?”
He had asked the moment he had picked up. And he had picked up pretty quickly despite the fact that it had already been the middle of the night for him. They had not really been talking ever since she left, even if they were not not talking either. It was usually only a few texts here and there, both of them not really knowing what to say considering how they had left things before she left.
“Jimmy…”
She had simply said, a little surprised; she hadn’t been sure he would answer. Even if she had only said his name, he could tell she had been crying or was still crying.
“Sorry to bother you. I just… I wanted to talk with you.”
“You’re never bothering me, Jess.”
They had talked that night. She had admitted how miserable and lonely she was feeling. He had told her to give it time and he had managed to make her laugh. And they had kept chatting for a long time. About a lot of things, just not them. They had both been happy about that call and they had ended up falling asleep over the phone.
A thunder rumbled loudly and startled her as she had been lost in her memory. She had to think for a second to remember what they were saying, but Jimmy talked again, and she appreciated how patient he was being with her. He always was.
“How was it, Jess?”
“Lonely.”
She answered without hesitating. It was always the first word that came to her mind when she thought about her time there. A small, sad chuckle escaped her before she continued.
“It was nothing like I imagined it would be. It’s not like I didn’t like it, because a part of me did. But it was so much paperwork and always the same and I missed everything about DC. Like, actually being in the field, the crazy cases, the team… but you and Vic… More than anything else..”
She kept her back to Jimmy, feeling better to talk about this like that, not facing him. She hadn’t told anyone all of this. And somehow, if there was one person she knew she could tell, it was Jimmy.
“If you weren’t happy, why did you wait so long to come back?”
There was no judgment in his voice, only curiosity, and she appreciated this again. She had known they would end up talking about this at some point but it still didn’t make it easy.
“Because it took me a while and a little help from Dr Grace to realize I had accepted the job for the wrong reasons in the first place.”
She heard a soft movement behind her and she thought he had stood up to join her, but when she didn’t hear anything more, she guessed he had simply shifted his position, but he didn’t talk. And she wasn’t sure if she would prefer feeling her right next to her or knowing he was respecting the space she clearly needed to talk about this. She let out a long breath and took a few seconds before speaking again, to make sure her voice was as steady as possible.
“I’m not blaming anyone for a decision I took.” She felt the need to clarify this before explaining her reasons. “But… when he asked me, Vance made sure I knew I only had a few hours to give an answer, a few hours during which I had to watch Parker almost die and I almost drowned trying to save him…”
“Please, don’t remind me.”
Jimmy interrupted softly and she knew she wasn’t the only one who had gotten scared that day. Because if she had been in Jimmy’s shoes, she would have been so scared of losing him if she had found him like that. She chased those thoughts away, focusing on the conversation.
“I wanted my Dad to be proud of me.”
She admitted and she slightly shook her head in frustration when she heard the light quiver of her voice at this. When would this stop affecting her? She was a grown woman, she shouldn’t still be holding out hope for her Dad to tell her he was proud of her.
A moment of silence passed, Jimmy not knowing what to say and Jess needing a moment to collect her thoughts. Before continuing, Jess turned around and Jimmy could see her eyes shine with unshed tears.
“And, uh…”
When her voice broke when she started again, Jimmy continued for her, in a sad tone.
“I told you to go away.”
Jess simply nodded and wiped the few tears that had rolled down her cheeks. They had already talked about that and she didn’t want to do it again, even though it still hurt. Jimmy got up and pulled her to him, not bearing to see her cry. He put one of his hands on the back of her head, drawing small comforting circles in her hair. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she closed her eyes as a few more tears ran down her cheeks. He pressed a soft kiss on her temple and whispered.
“I’m really sorry about that.”
“I know.”
Jess took a step back to meet his eyes. She took his hand in one of hers, threading her fingers through his as she talked again.
“Jimmy, I love my life here with everyone, with you, with Vic.”
She bit her lower lip and absently played with his fingers, a little nervous about this conversation.
“I don’t want to keep moving around and chasing jobs. I love the one I have, I love our team and how they’ve become a family to me.”
A smile spread on Jimmy’s lips at her words and he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back with a smile on her lips. She felt much lighter having told him all of this.
“I want that life. And not just right now.”
She added as their eyes met again. She could tell he understood that meaning, considering how bad she had phrased it when her father had showed up a year ago. She discreetly rubbed her ring finger where she got used to wearing the ring of her fake engagement with Nick. Deep down, she knew she was ready for all of this, only with him. Not that she would tell him right away.