Chapter Text
Mira didn't know why it surprised her so much.
As an idol, she knew firsthand that a huge part of K-pop culture is fun hair colors.
Felix complained daily about how much he hated what bleach did to his hair; it was damaged even with all of the products he used to keep it as healthy as possible. He liked being blonde, though, so he dealt with it. Other members, Jay, Changbin, and Minho, preferred their natural hair color, but weren't exactly against trying new things out when stylists brought up ideas.
Hyunjin prided himself on his hair and let the stylists play around, but only if he really liked the idea; he wouldn't let them touch it. Mira herself didn't mind changing her hair for a new concept; she found it fun to fully give in to a new aesthetic for a comeback or tour. But she also saw the other side; she enjoyed playing with her hair on her own, on her own terms, based on what she liked about herself.
Ash, Innie, Han, and Chan were always down for the stylists to do whatever they wanted. They were what the stylists did to make concepts more cohesive, yet unique to every member at the same time. They trusted their artistic abilities enough to give them free rein.
So it really shouldn't have been a surprise to Mira when she answered the FaceTime call from Chan that evening to see that he'd drastically changed his hair.
She and Hyunjin were at the mall with Seo-ah, Dae, and two of their security guards. As with anywhere else in New York, it was busy, even at three in the afternoon, but they knew that there were a much smaller number of K-pop fans there compared to Korea. They relished the freedom of being able to go out for fun without as many people recognizing them.
There was always a difference in culture, though. In Korea, fan culture is much more respectful, whereas in the United States, fans have little to no personal space boundaries and get easily overexcited, which can cloud their actions. This is one of the biggest reasons they decided to go to the mall when it was less busy, and why they had more staff with them than usual.
Dae, being the beefy man he is, isn't new to acting as a bonus security guard for the LEVELꜛUP members when out in public. And despite her smaller stature, around Mira's height, Seo-ah promises it wouldn't be the first time she body slammed someone, which was something.
Mira was off in the corner of the Coach store, looking at the small bags, when the call came in. Being partially distracted by the various options, cross-body fanny packs, one-strap shoulder bags, tote bags, backpacks, so many options, she didn't notice the change right away.
He had a hoodie on, one she was all too familiar with, as it was one of his favorites, and he had the hood on. But as he shifted his head to speak with Changbin, a flash of pale yellow became visible, and Mira did a double take.
"Chan?" He hummed, glancing at her on his screen for a second to show her he was listening before going back to untangling the necklace that Changbin had needed help with. A small smile was growing on her face, gentle and knowing, "Did you cut your hair?"
Chan's eyes darted back to his screen immediately. "Oh, yeah. Guess I forgot to tell you," and one of his hands left the tangle of chains to push his hood off. Short.
The length was the first thing she noticed. It's probably the shortest his hair has ever been in all the time she'd known him. The back and sides have been that short before, sure, but the top has always been long enough to part and play around with.
And it was blonde. Freshly bleached, it seems, based on how good his roots look. It looked... good.
Really fucking good.
The short style suited him more than any of the other styles he's had. The undercut and short sides accentuated his jaw structure and complemented his facial features extremely well. And the color, well, everyone always says that Felix was born to be blonde, but this looks so natural on Chan.
Not like he would be a natural blonde. But in the way that it suits him so well that if he weren't an idol, just Christopher from Australia, Mira thinks this is how Chan would wear his hair all the time.
She smiles, wide, ducking her head closer to the phone to get a better look, and he must sense what she's trying to do because he takes a step back to do a little twirl. And the 360-degree view proves her point even further. He looks damn good.
"Do you like it?" She asks. "You've been wanting to get rid of the luscious locks for a while now."
Chan rolls his eyes playfully and runs a hand through his hair, ruffling the wavy strands and making him look even better. Words can't explain how good he looks. "Everyone should be lucky I didn't just go full Hyunjin mode and get a buzz cut." She laughs quietly. "But yeah, I like it."
"I do too," she tells him honestly. His eyes are now back on the necklace in his hands, but she can see he's trying to hide his own small smile by ducking his head. "It looks really good curly too, maybe this way you won't fry your hair off by constantly straightening it."
"You think?" He mutters, "I don't know if the stylists will do that, but it's definitely a possibility."
She stifles her laugh with her hand, walking to the other wall of bags on display. She was trying to be respectful, because nobody likes when others take phone calls in public, even though she had her AirPods in, she wanted to be mindful of her own voice level.
"At least you won't get obliterated by angry fans over bald Chan, that's a win," Chan snorts, shooing Changbin away as the other man profusely thanks him for successfully untangling his necklace. His eyes return to the FaceTime, and his full attention is once again on her. "Where are you right now?"
"Bye, Mira! We miss you!" Binnie yells over his question, easily drowning his voice with his volume.
"Ya! Leave me alone!" Chan's screen shifts as he turns to send weak kicks to his ankles. Changbin's wounded yelps were heard getting further and further away as he stumbled to get out of the room. Before the door shuts in the background, Mira tells Changbin that she misses them too, hoping he can hear her because she's certainly not going to yell over FaceTime when she's in the middle of a designer store.
Chan turns back to the call, an annoyed expression on his face that only makes Mira giggle harder. "Sorry, sorry," she breathes as she attempts to calm back down.
Chan watches as she closes her eyes to try to dispel her laughter.
"Ah, right. I'm at a nearby mall with Jinnie. Currently, I'm looking at the Coach bags," he hums to show her he's listening. "He freaked out this morning when he realized he forgot the birthday gift he got for me back at the dorms, and demanded I come with him to pick out something new to give me tomorrow."
"He does know we're all planning on celebrating our birthdays together once you guys get back from tour, right?" The grin on Chan's face is less a reaction to Hyunjin being extra, and moreso because of the cute way Mira's eyebrows lower in her mildly annoyed mood.
"I tried telling him that, but he wouldn't have it," she sighs, setting the phone down briefly on one of the shelves so she can pick up one of the cross-body sling bags to see the inside. "I mean, we planned that before we even went on tour, when we realized we wouldn't be able to physically celebrate all of our birthdays together this year, I know he knew that was the plan."
"He just wanted to reinforce the idea he has about him being your favorite," his eyes dart over to his closet, where his own gift for her is sitting on the top shelf next to his gifts for Nora, Jay, and Ash. "Not sure that statement will stand after you see what I got you, but we'll just have to wait and see."
"Oh, well, now I'm really excited." He just smiled openly at the screen, closed-lipped and secretive. "But yeah," she picked her phone back up to show him the bag, "this bag is called the Felix Sling Bag. I'm honestly tempted to get it just because of the name."
"That's so cool, and it's a nice bag too."
"I know, right?" She props the phone up to show him the inside pockets, giving him a tour of the, admittedly, pretty basic bag. But she really liked it; maybe the simplicity is the part she liked the most about it. "I've been meaning to get a smaller everyday bag for a while now; the one I have now is really bulky."
It doesn't take long for Hyunjin to find her after that; the store isn't very large. He briefly says hi to Chan, complimenting him on his new hair when he sees his leader's face on her screen, before he shifts the conversation to the whole gift thing.
She promises to call Chan back the next day so they can talk more, and soon she's whisked away by the younger man in the direction of the front counter to pay for her Felix bag.
They spend a couple more hours weaving in and out of stores after spotting interesting things through the display windows. Hyunjin spends a considerable amount of money on accessories, "in the name of fashion", and a new expensive set of watercolor paints.
Back at the hotel, Nora spends some time with Hyunjin and Mira in the living room before everyone eventually splits off to do their own thing. When you see the same people every day, when you live with the same people that you also work with, you begin to treasure your alone time.
Mira reviews her schedule for the next week with Dae over text before settling down on the bed, taking a moment for herself. Life recently has been so busy that it's been a while since she was able to just be alone for a minute. Alone with her thoughts.
With the tour, practices, shows, promotional shoots with interviewers and brands, she was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed. Not too terribly. It's what she signed up for when she became an idol, and she genuinely likes staying busy, but even she has trouble keeping up sometimes when she's scheduled to do so many things.
And half of it is her own fault, really. The couple of days that Hyunjin is in New York before he has to fly back to Korea are supposed to be free days for Mira. Only she's made plans to do things with Hyunjin every day he's there, and the rest of LEVELꜛUP were included in half of those things. Not to mention the extra technical work she's been getting done before going to sleep every night, working through schedules, arranging setups for upcoming shoots, and troubleshooting ideas with stylists and directors for the content shoots they have coming up soon.
She's not drowning. Yet. And to keep her head afloat, she cherishes moments like these. The nights she can sit in bed, with her thoughts, sitting with her feelings, reflecting on where she's at now.
Her feelings are one of the main things she focuses on. Because, though she's not closed-off and emotionally constipated, she's not great with interpreting what they mean either. There's no universal guide for identifying what she's feeling, and sometimes things get blurry if she doesn't spend some time figuring out what they mean.
There's been a warmth under her skin for days now that she hasn't been able to place yet. A flood of comfort and familiarity mixed in with something she can't figure out a name for. She doesn't know what's causing it, or why it's there, or what it means.
All she knows is that it started the same day Hyunjin arrived in New York. Sometime around the time when the two of them were at the Versace store with Donatella. When it first sprouted, it wasn't just comfort and familiarity, but also flustered, yet there was also confidence. Embarrassment mixed with feeling flattered.
Her mind first goes to the text thread. When Hyunjin was showing off the shots of Mira in more feminine clothes, everyone else was gushing over how hot she looked.
That situation in and of itself could possibly be the source of these emotions, but she can't be sure. For one, she didn't often dress in such revealing clothes, instead choosing to show less in an effort to let her body language and confidence do the rest. Little slivers of skin here and there, the occasional tighter-fitting top with a baggy pair of jeans to not show off the entirety of her figure all at once.
It wasn't in an attempt to be a tease, or to intentionally lead audiences in that direction, but instead to let her body do the talking. Her confidence, her boldness, and assertiveness spoke volumes. She preferred to let those attributes make her more appealing to fans. She liked feeling sexy, who doesn't, but seduction doesn't always mean showing your body or alluding to sex specifically.
Mira feels the most sexy when she's noticed for her drive, her passion, and her calm and collected personality. When she's admired for her leadership mannerisms, thoughtful, supportive, but authoritative and assertive. She enjoys the way that others make her feel confident, as a byproduct of being herself.
She doesn't need to make people actually horny by showing skin to feel sexy. Or be overly sensual in her dancing, so that sex is the only thing people can think about. There's nothing wrong with liking that sort of thing; hell, Mira occasionally shows off on stage to get a rise out of fans from time to time, but she doesn't need to do those things to feel like the best version of herself.
To her, feeling sexy isn't just about being desirable, but about feeling strong. Presenting herself truthfully and seeing the recognition she gets by doing that is what makes her feel the best she's ever felt. It's rewarding and gratifying.
So, she never feels the need to wear clothes like that. She feels most comfortable in clothes that make her look strong and cool.
But that day, when she was put in that dress, with the cut out along her ribs, that landed right along her mid thigh, it was new. She didn't not like wearing those kinds of clothing, but it was unfamiliar to her.
After seeing the reactions she got from her friends, though, it was a stark reminder that she's able to be both. Strong and more feminine at the same time. The reactions from everyone were thrilling.
They were calling her a girlboss, screaming about how hot she looked, and usually, she doesn't prioritize looking hot over feeling hot, but it felt good. Probably the best she's felt in a while.
Hyunjin and Felix were busy keyboard-smashing, freaking out. Minho was jealous of how well she rocked the heels. Jeongin adds a disclaimer that he usually tries not to look at his friends in that way, because it makes him uncomfortable, before proceeding to agree that she looked hot.
Chan's "wow" before utter silence...
Okay, yeah, that was definitely it.
It wasn't just that she was styled in clothes she usually doesn't wear. And it wasn't even the general reactions she was getting. It was his reaction in particular that spurred this buildup of feelings in her chest. Only, she can't begin to think of why Chan's reaction specifically made her feel so warm.
There was barely anything to it. It was literally only three letters. But there had to be more there, something about Seungmin's response "CHAN OMGTDEVOEFBP", hinted at it being more than that.
Mira didn't have it in her to explore those feelings further. She's focused on that a little later. She hadn't yet identified the feelings or put a name to them, but she'd finally pinpointed when exactly they showed up.
And it made a lot of sense now that she'd figured it out. She and Chan talk a lot, like extremely frequently, as in at least a couple of hours every day, even more when both of them are in Korea and are able to physically be in the same room.
Ever since this unnamed emotion first showed up a few days ago, it hadn't gone away fully. And it would spike slightly whenever she was talking with Chan. So, that had to be something. But again, she didn't have the energy to figure out the 'why' just yet.
Hours later, well into the night, way past the time when Mira would usually be deeply asleep, she somehow found herself scrolling Twitter. Not just scrolling through her home feed, but she'd somehow ended up on the skz hashtag, which eventually led to edits.
But these weren't the normal 'oh my god he's so hot' edits, they were various clips taken from SKZ content and stitched together to highlight something about one of the members. Video after video, and eventually she ended up on the side of Twitter that focused on Chan.
She felt kind of guilty watching them. Like she was going behind Chan's back to watch such analytical videos, picking his mannerisms apart. But she couldn't stop. There was a whole section of SKZ Twitter centered around how much of a dad he is, which is adorable in and of itself, but there was one video in particular that really got to her.
Clip after clip of Chan taking care of those around him, admiring his friends, and being a supportive pillar for those around him. Videos pointing out how much he cares about people in his life, the way he listens with his whole body, the way he notices the smallest things, and worries about other people's needs before his own.
One of the clips was of them. Chan had been off to the side of the stage at a concert a couple of months ago, watching Mira when she was performing one of her solo songs. Most of the other members had gone backstage for a drink of water while she was performing, since they didn't need to be there, but he and Hannie were seated at the very edge of the stage watching her intently.
There was a look on his face, a soft, heart-warming expression. He looked like he was unbelievably proud of Mira and incredibly inspired. Like he saw how hard she'd worked to get there, on that stage, performing for so many people, being the light of so many people's lives. And she knew that he did, she knew he knew just how hard she'd worked for it, because he'd done the exact same thing.
But the look in his eyes as he watched her perform, is wasn't just pride. It was something deeper, something like admiration and love.
And Mira knew he loved her; she loved him just as much. He was such a good person, and it was in moments like these, where it was really put into perspective just how good he was, that she was the happiest to be so close with him. It was a privilege to know him.
That was when it all became clear to Mira.
That feeling. The warmth and the comfort, it came from Chan. And the way he was with her specifically.
Because that clip in particular, when the camera zoomed in on the look of awe on his face as he watched her, showed that the way he acted around her wasn't the same as everyone else. In general, he was an overall caring and selfless person with everyone he was close with, but there was an added layer with them.
He and Mira knew each other the best out of everyone in their combined group, besides Mira and Ash, since they're literally twins. But they were like puzzle pieces that just fit. And Mira knows how she feels about having Chan in her life, but this video. This random video on Twitter that she scrolled onto without even trying. This video showed Mira that he felt the same. The connection wasn't one-sided, but reciprocated.
At that realization, the warmth and fuzziness in Mira's chest only doubled. Being seen, truly seen, so deeply by someone she admires so much, felt good. Being appreciated by someone like Chan, it made her unbelievably happy.
Because having the love and support of someone like that was unreal, it was a privilege.
And it all started because of a text. A moment where he was seemingly lost for words. And it should have come off as vain, to be so affected by someone's inability to respond in a conversation about her own looks. But to have proof, hard evidence, that he found her attractive, in that moment, when she was unsure of how she looked subconsciously, it made her feel happy.
And all it took was 'wow'.
It was overwhelming. Now knowing that his attention was the reason for this feeling. The root of where it originated. She still didn't have a name for it, nor did she know what to do with it. But to know that someone so amazing, so pivotal in her life, was the source of it made it feel lighter. Like the weight was lifted off her shoulders a bit.
It was daunting when she didn't know what the hell it was. But now that it was laid out for her so plainly, so simply, and it was a product of talking with her favorite person, it didn't feel like a weight at all. It felt like she wasn't alone in all of this.
But the realization, the accumulation of smaller realizations, regarding an unidentified emotion so big, was a lot. She fell asleep that night exhausted, but feeling lighter and more at peace than she had in a while. Her phone screen still lit with the paused video, zeroed in on Chan's face as he watched her perform, a soft look in his eyes.
eces that just fit. And Mira knows how she feels about having Chan in her life, but this video. This random video on Twitter that she scrolled onto without even trying. This video showed Mira that he felt the same. The connection wasn't one-sided, but reciprocated.
At that realization, the warmth and fuzziness in Mira's chest only doubled. Being seen, truly seen, so deeply by someone she admires so much, felt good. Being appreciated by someone like Chan, it made her unbelievably happy.
Because having the love and support of someone like that was unreal, it was a privilege.
And it all started because of a text. A moment where he was seemingly lost for words. And it should have come off as vain, to be so affected by someone's inability to respond in a conversation about her own looks. But to have proof, hard evidence, that he found her attractive, in that moment, when she was unsure of how she looked subconsciously, it made her feel happy.
And all it took was 'wow'.
It was overwhelming. Now knowing that his attention was the reason for this feeling. The root of where it originated. She still didn't have a name for it, nor did she know what to do with it. But to know that someone so amazing, so pivotal in her life, was the source of it made it feel lighter. Like the weight was lifted off her shoulders a bit.
It was daunting when she didn't know what the hell it was. But now that it was laid out for her so plainly, so simply, and it was a product of talking with her favorite person, it didn't feel like a weight at all. It felt like she wasn't alone in all of this.
But the realization, the accumulation of smaller realizations, regarding an unidentified emotion so big, was a lot. She fell asleep that night exhausted, but feeling lighter and more at peace than she had in a while. Her phone screen still lit with the paused video, zeroed in on Chan's face as he watched her perform, a soft look in his eyes.