Chapter Text
Emotions weren't something Loki prioritized. Ever. He had more of a repress and move on kind of attitude about them and it had always served him well enough. Sure, he lost sleep over some things and he needed to take the occasional hour or two to have a breakdown but he was fine overall.
This system became a lot harder to maintain once Thor convinced him to move to Midgard in Avengers Tower.
While he knew, when he agreed to psychological evaluation in exchange for being able to stay on Midgard unpunished and maybe even help the Avengers in the future, that there would be a good few psychiatrists poking at him he hadn’t exactly anticipated their ability to see through his lies.
Counsellors were his favourite kind of psychiatric workers he’d encountered so far simply because the self paced sessions made it fairly easy to waste time and avoid answers. Therapists were his least favourite but he had a begrudging respect for the bravery of one Ms. Stellpin, who he had been seeing more and more often on account of the fact that she was the most willing to call him out on his bullshit.
Another obstacle that prevented his perfect system of ignoring any past issues: close quarters with Thor.
Back on Asgard it was fine because Thor had whole crowds of people doting on him and Loki could slink away to the shadows and do his own thing. While there were still others who would love to have Thor talk their ears off on Midgard it also meant, more often than not, Loki was being pulled into the conversation to validate Thor’s claims. “Yes, Thor once lifted a war horse” “No, we don’t have dogs on Asgard” “Yes I remember when mother locked us in a room together until we behaved ourselves” and so on.
This was mildly annoying at best and what Loki had learned was referred to as “triggering” at worst because, yes, Loki remembers when Odin grounded him for a week when he used harmless magic during an important feast and, yes, he remembers the following feast when Odin praised Thor to Yggdrasil and back for demonstrating his Asgardian strength by flipping a table.
Loki was being forced to come to terms with some things after Thor opened old wounds and he was doing it in front of other people more often than not.
These reasons were why most of Loki’s free time was spent in his apartment in Avengers Tower rather than out attempting to socialize. It stirred up some rumours about what he could be plotting in there but he’d rather have everyone think he was attempting another world domination than be out biting his tongue through another “funny” story of his and Thor’s childhood.
Still, there’s only so long one living being can spend holed up in a room before they have to emerge.
Loki only came out in the daytime when he absolutely had to or to make a once a week appearance to assure the others living in Avengers Tower he was still there and hadn’t run off to go take over another major city. Other than that he’d only come out at night.
Less frequent nighttime trips to the kitchen and living spaces were made after an incident in which he was tackled to the ground by Captain America himself when he mistook a butter knife in Loki’s hand for a weapon like the scepter in the dark. Loki turned on lamps or cast light spells when he did come out at night after that.
Nights spent sneaking around living spaces also confirmed something Loki already assumed was true after finding at least every Avenger except his brother up well into the night at least once each on separate occasions. These people had issues.
Tony Stark had a real habit of making coffee at concerning hours, Bruce Banner was much the same, he’d seen Steve Rogers do the occasional walk around under the guise of simply wandering when anyone could see he was checking the perimeter like a soldier in enemy territory, James Barnes sat deathly still in corners surveying rooms, Natasha Romanoff walked up and down the hallway where most apartments were on occasion, and that was only some of the more notable appearances.
Loki just grabbed snacks. In and out, quick and quiet, stealth missions to the kitchen.
As much as he still held the belief that Asgard was fairly superior to Midgard, Loki could admit that humans had a pretty good grasp on dark chocolate and it was no one’s business but his own if he took the occasional chocolate bar from the cupboards and fridge Pepper Potts ensured was well stocked at all times. Tonight, Loki had deemed one of those 2:00 AM comfort chocolate trips necessary.
He kept the apartment he had been allowed in Avengers Tower fairly well stocked but he sometimes needed the journey over to the kitchen to collect his thoughts so he shuffled into some stupid cheap slippers he’d gotten a month or two ago and pulled a hoodie on to go with his shirt and pants. He missed his more proper and tight clothing back home from time to time but human comfort clothing was starting to grow on him.
The hallway outside his apartment and the main elevator were both empty and he was eternally grateful for that. Some nights he could handle running into someone else but tonight he was so lost in his own head it took the gentle beep of the elevator doors opening for him to even realize he’d reached his floor.
Loki’s hopes of this being a quick trip with no interruptions were crushed when he walked into the kitchen and saw the glow of the open fridge and the silhouette of someone standing in front of it. He sighed but decided it was too late to turn back now and simply approached the cabinets next to the fridge anyways. The door to the fridge closed after a moment and the person behind it jumped in shock when Loki seemingly just appeared beside them.
“Oh my god, dude, where did you come from!?”
Loki didn’t react, barely found the energy to even blink, as Peter Parker stared at him in horror with a cup of yoghurt in hand. Parker stayed over on weekends on occasion. Loki almost forgot. Loki exactly didn’t mind him but he also wasn’t overly fond of anyone and the spider boy was no exception.
“My apartment.”
“... Right. Yeah, of course. Duh.”
The awkward mix of silence and Peter’s repeatedly failed attempt at eye contact eventually got to be too much for Loki and he sighed and shut the cabinet with his chocolate in his hand.
“You should be in bed. Stark surely wouldn’t be happy to find you awake and wandering at this hour.” He pointed out, not bothering to throw any extra flare or sass into his tone like he usually did.
Peter nodded and shuffled his feet. “Yeah, probably.” Then there was a pause, an internal debate about if he should ask something that was painfully obvious externally, before he spoke again. “Do Asgardians need sleep like we do? I mean, you probably need to sleep eventually but, how much? I’m just wondering because, well,” Peter gestured vaguely at Loki standing before him in the light of Peter’s phone flashlight at nearly three in the morning and Loki got the idea.
“Yes, we sleep the same as humans do as far as I am aware.” Loki answered finally. He didn’t see any point in lying to the child and he was hoping the answer would satisfy him enough to send him on his way.
“Huh. Okay.”
Loki didn’t give Peter another chance to speak and instead turned on his heel and headed for the elevator. The mechanical doors were already shut by the time Peter started moving again and Loki made his way back to his apartment without any more interruptions.
The rest of the night was spent sitting on his bed, slowly but surely chipping away at the bitter chocolate bar until only a tin foil wrapper remained in Loki’s hand while he allowed himself to drift in thoughts of the past. He fell asleep around five in the morning and didn’t bother setting an alarm.