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Phil's been answering emails for what feels like days at this point - in reality, she knows it's only been an hour or so. She's sitting on a barstool at the kitchen island, her laptop open on the counter in front of her. Hitting send on her final email for the day, she sighs deeply and finally closes her laptop.
Across the kitchen, Dan is emptying the dishwasher. Slowly walking back and forth, returning plates and cutlery to their respective homes. As she reaches up to place a stack of plates in the cupboard, Phil sees her wince slightly out of the corner of her eye, from where she's sitting, checking her phone.
'You ok, bub?' Phil asks, eyeing Dan as she reaches up to the top shelf of a cupboard to put a stack of plates away, wincing again and hissing quietly.
'What? Yeah, I'll be fine.' Dan says, returning to the dishwasher and bending down to collect a stack of bowls this time. 'It's just some period cramps. You know they're the worst on day one.'
Phil jumps up and walks over to Dan, prying the bowls out of her hands.
'Hey, let me finish that, you go lie down. Do you want me to get you some ibuprofen? Maybe your hot water bottle too?' Phil insists as Dan reaches out to take the plates back.
'It's fine really.' Dan says, sighing as Phil pulls the bowls further out of her reach.
'Nope, Mrs MyNeedsAreSecondToEveryoneElse's, I will take care of this. You are going to lie down downstairs and you are going to allow me to take care of you.' Phil says assertively, her free hand on her hip.
Dan rolls her eyes, huffing, 'I really shouldn't tell you about everything I talk to my therapist about. You only use it against me.' She watches as Phil places the bowls in their spot in the cupboard.
'I think you mean that it allows me to keep you accountable to your personal growth goals.' Phil teases, 'Now please go and snuggle up on the sofa downstairs so I can look after you.' She nudges Dan towards the top of the stairs.
'Ok…' Dan turns to walk down the stairs, but hesitates at the top, looking over her shoulder. 'Please could I have a cup of my chamomile tea?' she asks, giving Phil a sheepish smile.
'Of course, go on, I'll bring it down for you.' Phil responds, smiling.
Dan heads to the downstairs den and plops herself down on the blue sofa. She shifts backwards until she's settled in the corner against the soft cushions. Grabbing the remote to turn the TV on, she decides on some true comfort viewing and presses play on Neon Genesis Evangelion, curling up and pulling a blanket over her legs. As the familiar intro music starts, she feels the aching squeeze in her lower abdomen again, slightly stronger this time. She screws her eyes shut at the pain, blowing out a slow breath through her mouth.
'They're that bad, huh?' Phil says, approaching the sofa and placing a tray with various things on it on the coffee table before sitting down.
'Just my uterus punishing me for not getting pregnant.' Dan breathes, 'My ovaries are very angry about it, feels like they're trying to tear their way out, honestly, they're being very dramatic about it.' She scrunches her eyes shut again, breathing out through her nose.
'Here, take these,' she instructs, holding out a blister pack of ibuprofen and a glass of water.
'Thanks.' Dan smiles and nods towards the tray Phil brought with her. 'What else have you got me?' Dan asks, popping two of the tablets into her mouth and swallowing them down with some water.
'Let me walk you through my wondrous tray of items that will ensure that your ovaries remain inside of you.' Phil giggles at her own joke as she holds her arm out towards the table. 'We have chamomile tea, as per your request,' she says, handing Dan the mug of tea, which she takes gladly, wrapping her hands around the mug, enjoying the warmth. 'Your hot water bottle, in its sleeve thingy, for your tummy.' Phil tucks the bottle under the blanket over Dan's lower stomach. 'And an array of snacks and little treats, just because.' Phil finishes handing over a packet of Dan's favourite fancy popcorn.
Dan starts to feel a little overwhelmed. Suddenly, she feels tears welling up in her eyes, and her vision starts to blur.
'Hey, hey, it's ok.' Phil says, leaning forward, cupping Dan's cheek gently.
'Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me.' Dan sniffs, placing her mug down on the coffee table, bringing her hands up to cover her eyes.
'Oh, bub, you don't have to apologise. Your hormones must be going crazy right now. You don't have to explain anything, and there's nothing wrong with you.' Phil reassures, nudging Dan's hands away from her face and pulling her into a hug, rubbing her hands up and down her back.
Dan lets out a shaky breath, trying to calm herself down and failing as she lets out a hiccupping sob.
'You're being too nice to me,' she mumbles wetly into Phil's shoulder.
'What!' Phil almost laughs at this, but when she pulls back, she can see that Dan isn't joking. 'Oh, Dani,' Phil hums, pulling Dan back into her arms so she can sob into her chest.
Dan screws her eyes shut tighter, feeling her tears run down her cheeks. She hates not being able to control her emotions, but in Phil's arms, she surrenders to the dam she's been holding closed and allows it to break open. She leans into Phil's embrace and lets the emotions wash over her, trying not to think about how pathetic she must seem.
'Do you want to chat about it, or do you just need to be quiet?' Phil asks, pulling back to look at Dan so she can see that there is no judgment in her face.
'I just want to watch Evangelion, if that's ok?' Dan sniffles.
'That's all good with me.' Phil smiles, cupping Dan's cheek and swiping a tear away with her thumb. 'I'm just going to grab you some tissues,' She continues, standing and crossing the room to retrieve the tissue box on the side table.
Phil sets the tissue box on the coffee table, pulling a few out and handing them to Dan, who takes them with a small, watery smile. She moves to sit on the other end of the sofa to give Dan space, but stops at the whining noise of protest that comes from her.
'No! I'm in pain, both physical and emotional, so I will be taking more cuddles, please!' she complains, making grabby hands. She shifts out of the corner to make space on the sofa for Phil behind her and pats the cushion. Phil gives her an adoring smile and sits down happily, placing a pillow on her lap and guiding Dan to lay her head on it. She hears Dan let out a contented sigh.
'Acceptable?' Phil asks with another loving smile on her lips. Dan doesn't speak but just snuggles in further to Phil's side.
They settle into easy silence, focusing on the anime that they had both seen a million times before. Phil's fingers slip into Dan's dark curls, massaging her scalp. Dan closes her eyes. She can feel the painkillers and hot water bottle starting to work, and her body starts to relax into the warmth of being looked after. The tension in her shoulders softens. She consciously lets go of the tightness she's been holding in her forehead and sinks into the comfort of Phil's hand in her hair, and the contentment of just being in this moment with her forever person.
She's almost asleep when she feels Phil's hand on her upper arm. 'Baby, don't forget about your tea, it'll be cold if you don't drink it soon.'
'Hmm, oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me.' Dan says sleepily as she leans forward to grab the mug from the table. She readjusts herself so she's sitting and she can sip her tea whilst still resting against Phil's side. 'Thanks for my tea, bub.' She whispers, pressing a kiss to Phil's cheek.
'Anytime.' Phil responds, turning her head and dropping a kiss into the curls just above Dan's ear.
'Anytime, hmm?' Dan ponders. 'I'm going to remind you of that the next time you refuse to make me coffee in the morning.' She nudges Phil in the ribs with her elbow.
'Hey! I make you morning coffee!' Phil bristles.
'Yeah, very rarely and never without a lot of whigning first!' Dan corrects
'It's not my fault, I'm not a morning person.' Phil sighs. 'I am a creature of the night, I thrive in the moonlight.' She ponders her previous statement before saying. 'Ha, that ryhmed! Forget the midnight barber, I am the midnight bard.' She chuckles. 'I crawl into your bed while you're sleeping and softly serenade you, giving you lovely dreams with my songs' special powers.'
'That was simultaneously extremely sweet and extremely creepy, and I'm not too sure how to feel about it.' Dan muses. 'I would love to know how your strange brain comes up with these wacky ideas.' Dan says, with a soft giggle and an eye roll, that despite her best efforts is still full of fondness.
'It's how I was born, what can I say?' Phil declares, waggling her eyebrows. 'How's the cramps?'
'Better, I think the painkillers are working their magic and the hot water bottle is helping.' Dan wanders. 'They're still there, but definitely not as bad as they were before.'
'I'm going to go run you a bath.' Phil states, moving to stand up from the couch.
'You don't need to do that, I'm fine.' Dan protests, taking hold of Phil's forearm to stop her from standing.
'It wasn't a question, you lay back down and chill. I'm going to run you a bath.' Phil says firmly, giving Dan a stern look. 'You're not going to stop me taking care of you.' She insists, wriggling her arm out of Dan's grip and quickly stepping back so she can't grab her again and leaving the room.
Dan sighs and refocuses her attention on the TV again, watching Shinji and Misato looking out over a desolate Tokyo-3. She let her mind drift to how she definitely had a crush on Misato when she'd first watched this anime as a young closeted, even to herself, lesbian. She always had fun, looking back at the crushes that she hadn't realised were crushes and boys that she had, in hindsight, just picked at random in a gay panic, that she had said were crushes when she was younger.
Sipping her tea absentmindedly, she heard a clatter from the direction of the bathroom, and a whispered 'shit, shit, shit'.
'Everything ok in there?' She shouts, wincing slightly at the thought of Phil having knocked something expensive over. The combination of her love for tasteful little trinkets and an extremely clumsy partner isn't very compatible.
'Yeah, nothing to worry about!' Phil shouted back, unconvincingly.
'You sure?' Dan asked.
'Yes, stay where you are. I have it covered, nothing has… err… completely broken.' Phil calls, in an ineffective attempt at reassurance.
'That isn't the most encouraging thing I've ever heard.'
'I'm fixing it, don't worry.'
'Yeah, still not encouraging me with that, bub.' Dan laughs dryly, thinking about the last time Phil attempted to fix something. That particular episode had ended in a superglue-induced panic attack, paramedics and a 2 am A&E trip.
Phil pokes her head around the door, looking scandalised. 'I'm offended!'
'Considering your track record, I don't think you currently have the right to be. There is a very good reason that I have hidden the superglue from you.' Dan shoots back, her tone stern, but there is a contrastingly affectionate smile on her face.
'You chew on glue one time…' Phil says in mock exasperation, turning round and heading back to the bathroom. 'Your bath will be ready in 10, madam,' she says from the hallway.
'Thank you,' Dan responds. 'You're my favourite one, you know.' A gooey smile on her face as she settles herself back among the sofa cushions to finish her tea.
'Thanks, you big mush!' Phil shouts back.
Dan grabs the packet of popcorn from the coffee table, opening it and turning her attention back to the TV.
As the episode finishes, Phil reappears in the doorway.
'Your bath awaits.' She smiles, gesturing to the hallway.
'Such attentive service.' Dan says, picking up the remote and turning the TV off. She stands and feels a new wave of cramps hit her. She winces at the sudden stab in her lower stomach, leaning forward in an attempt to relieve the pain.
Phil rushes to her side, taking her arm.
'Do you need to sit back down?' She asks, her voice full of concern.
'No, just need a sec.' Dan says, her teeth gritting against the pain. Slowly letting out a breath through her mouth, she opens her eyes and meets Phil's eyes, offering her a small smile.
'You good?'
Dan responds with an almost imperceptible nod.
'Ok then, this way please.' Phil takes her hand and leads her out into the hallway, towards their ensuite bathroom.
A small gasp leaves Dan's lips as she walks into the bathroom. Phil has lit candles and turned the lights down, leaving the walls bathed in a comforting soft orange glow. Dan can smell her favourite bath products that she saves for special occasions in the air. And as a final touch, there is a small glass of rosé on the rim of the bath, and a bowl of vegetable crisps balanced precariously next to it.
'Phiiii!' Dan gushes, turning to pull Phil into a hug. 'It's perfect, thank you!' she continues, her voice cracking and her eyes brimming with tears, once again.
'Hey, hey! Come on, it's just a bath.' Phil says with a breathy laugh.
'Yeah, but you used my fancy bath stuff, brought me wine and veggie crisps, lit candles and everything.' Dan sniffs, turning back to face the bath and gesturing around the bathroom.
'Yeah, I only wanted the best for my patient.' Phil smiles, stepping forward to hug Dan from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder.
Dan closes her eyes as she leans back against Phil's comforting warmth and takes a deep breath, enjoying the scents emanating from both the water and the various candles.
'Come on, get in while it's still warm.' Phil says, her hand falling to the hem of Dan's t-shirt and pushing it upwards. 'Arms up.' She commands. Dan shivers as Phil's fingertips graze over her ribs, leaving goosebumps in their wake. She does as instructed and lifts her arms over her head. Phil pulls Dan's t-shirt off the rest of the way and allows it to fall to the floor. As Dan bends to take her leggings and underwear off, Phil steps back to grab a towel from the cupboard and sets it on the counter by the sink.
'M'lady.' Phil offers Dan her hand to help her into the bath.
'Did you seriously just 'M'lady' me?' Dan asks, giving her a quizzical look.
'Get into the bath all by yourself then. See if I care.' Phil shoots back, withdrawing her helping hand.
'Hey! I'm the patient, remember.' Dan pouts, batting her eyelashes.
'I guess so,' Phil says, rolling her eyes in mock exasperation
She takes Dan's hand in hers and kisses the back of it before pulling her in and giving her a sweet peck on the lips as well.
'Your bath, madam.' Phil raises her eyebrows as if to ask better? Dan takes it, smiling and gingerly places her right foot into the steaming water. The water is a perfect temperature to be soothing but not uncomfortably hot. She eases the rest of her body into the bath, leaning back to rest her head and shoulders against the end of the tub.
'Ok, I'm going to leave you to relax. Let me know if you need anything else, yeah?' Phil says as she bends over, kissing Dan's forehead and turning to head out of the room.
'I love you.' Dan says.
'Love you too, bub.' Phil smiles, closing the door behind her.
Dan relaxes her shoulders and closes her eyes, breathing deeply through her nose to enjoy the smells of jasmine and lily from the bath milk that Phil had added to the water. But her brain wouldn't relax the same way as her body was, and the comment Phil had made earlier about her putting other people's needs before her own swam to the surface of her mind.
Dan knew that this was something she needed to work on, and she was getting better at being a little more selfish in certain situations. However, she found it extra hard with Phil. She wanted to be the one taking care of Phil, not the other way around.
'You know that's an unhealthy dynamic to try and uphold, right?' she said to herself in her head.
She shook her head, trying to clear it. Sometimes, she hated her internal monologue.
'That's also not the most healthy of thoughts,' chided her mind, again.
'Oh shut up.' She said, this time out loud. Sitting up, reaching for her wine. She made a mental note to make sure to talk to her therapist more about her issues accepting help, especially from Phil, in her next session.
She reached for her phone and opened Spotify to play her chill-out playlist to try and keep her mind off her own thoughts. She slowly sank into the water again, sipping her wine and snacking on her crisps for a little while, trying to practise her mindful eating and drink rituals. Her therapist had taught her about this to help her cope when her brain started to get too loud.
—
Dan wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she could see her hands and feet starting to prune, and thought it was probably time to get out when she heard a soft knock on the door.
Phil poked her head into the room. 'You ok?' she asked, smiling.
'Yeah, think I'm about ready to get out now, though. Can you pass me the towel, please?' She held her hand out for the towel.
'Yeah, here.' Phil said, unfolding the towel and holding it out in front of her. As Dan stood up, water running down her body, Phil wrapped the towel around her, pulling her into a hug and kissing her.
Dan smiled. 'What did I do to deserve you, hey?' she pondered, looking into Phil's eyes, letting her rub the towel over her shoulders and chest.
'Not sure, something big and fantastically selfless, I reckon.' She said, winking.
'Must have been.' Dan smiles back. She steps out of the bath, taking hold of the towel and wrapping it around herself.
'I got some pyjamas out for you, they're on the bed.' Phil said. 'And I've ordered food for dinner, which should be here any minute. So go get comfy in the den, when you're ready.'
'Ok…' Dan said, trying to wrestle her instinct to reject the loving gesture into submission.
Phil presses a kiss to her cheek briefly before heading to the door. 'I'll leave you to it, shout if you need anything.'
Dan walks out of the bathroom and over to the bed, where Phil indeed has laid out some clothes for her. Dan smiles at the selection Phil has chosen. Phil's very well-loved and washed-out Buffy t-shirt and Dan's black silky pyjama bottoms, as well as some fluffy socks. The doorbell rings as she is finishing towelling herself off, and she can hear Phil scurry past the bedroom door to answer it.
After getting dressed, she makes her way down the hall to the den. As she stepped through the door, she was greeted with yet more low lighting and a coffee table completely covered in food from her favourite Japanese place.
'You got Koi Garden for me!' Dan beams, feeling a rush of affection.
'Yeah, thought you deserved your fave sushi. And,' she says, breaking off and searching the table for something. 'I got you mango mochi.' Phil holds up a box triumphantly.
'You're the best, you know that?' Dan asks, sitting down and leaning into Phil's side.
'If you say so.' Phil says, kissing the side of Dan's head.
Dan takes in the feast before her; they were going to be living off of this for the next few days at least. 'You do know that we aren't a family of ten, Phil'
'I couldn't decide what you would definitely want, so I thought I'd get a selection.' She shrugs. 'And I have it on good authority that sushi and mochi have healing properties that have proven to improve period cramps.' Phil continues in what Dan knows to be her serious, scientist's voice.
'Ah, I see. I should probably tuck in then, yeah?' Dan says, a knowing smile on her face.
'I honestly think it's medically necessary for you at this point.' Phil jokes back, grinning.
Dan grabs what she knows is the best sushi she has ever had in England and scoots back, tucking her feet up on the sofa and snuggling back against the sofa cushions.
'For your viewing pleasure this evening, Ms Howell, we have My Neighbour Totoro.' Phil says pressing play on the film that had been queued up on the TV.
'Ah, sticking with the Japanese theme, I see.' Dan says through a mouthful of salmon nigiri.
'I know you love a theme.' Phil tips her head to the side, eyes big and twinkling.
'That I do.' Dan smiles back.
They both lapse into an easy silence as they enjoy the food and the film. After a valiant attempt at eating her body weight in maki and noodles, Dan leans forward to place a half-full box of yakisoba onto the coffee table.
'I think I might actually explode if I eat any more!' she groans, flopping back on the sofa dramatically.
'Same!' Phil slumps back, mirroring the other girl's posture. 'Oh no, we'll just have to save it and have it for lunch tomorrow, what a shame.' She mutters, looking left to right impishly.
'Don't think I hadn't seen straight through your facade from the beginning, Lester.' Dan says, fixing Phil with a scrutinising stare.
'I have no idea what you mean.' Phil claims, all innocent blue eyes and fluttering lashes.
'Yeah, sure you don't.' Dan says, giving Phil a sideways glance, giggling at the way her tongue was poking out between her teeth.
Dan shuffles over to lay her head in Phil's lap, looking up at her. Phil's hand instinctively find their way into Dan's hair, and she closes her eyes to properly savour the sensation.
'Thank you for looking after me.' Dan murmurs, eyes still closed.
'Took a bit of convincing there at the beginning, but we got there.' Phil chuckles.
'I love you, I'm sorry about being awkward with my emotional walls.' Dan says, her eyes open now, looking up at Phil, her voice soft and vulnerable. 'I really am trying to work on it.'
'You don't have to apologise.' Phil says, returning Dan's gentle gaze with a warm smile. 'As long as you allow me inside those walls, I'm happy.'
'You, my lovely little rodent, have been living inside my walls for 16 years at this point!' Dan reaches up to run her fingers through Phil's blonde hair, her hand coming to rest against her jaw. 'You're like the sweetest and most persistent rat infestation ever.' She beams up at Phil and pulls her into a deep kiss.
After a few moments, they break apart. Dan rolls over to face the screen to finish watching the film, and they return to their easy, comfortable silence that they can only ever have with each other.