Work Text:
Living with Eddie and Chris was probably the easiest thing Buck had ever done. After Bobby, he felt lost. Like he was holding the end of a kite that wouldn’t stay airborne, despite the fact that the wind was pushing him off his feet. But when the Diaz boys came home, he felt their hands pull the bunch of strings from his curled fingers and help him let go; help him move forward.
They slid back into the South Bedford home easily, things getting moved and rearranged without communication. Before he knew it, the house that Buck had been staying in became the home he was living in.
A shared dry-erase calendar on the fridge with color coated pens in a small jar. A bowl that sat by the front door full of everyone’s keys. Mixed laundry. Three empty mugs in the sink, the residue of hot chocolate and mini marshmallows at the bottom. Three sets of cutlery, three plates, three portions to every meal. Three kinds of cereal because the last time Buck had bought just his, the outrage had caused a three way silent treatment that ended when Eddie had put on The Mummy and Buck and Chris had wandered in to watch.
All his life, all Buck had ever wanted was to belong. To have a place that was his. A family that was his. He thought, at first, that he had found it completely with the 118. And he did, truly, believe that they were all his family. But at the end of the day, they went home to their actual families and for many years, Buck went home to his loft by himself.
Now, however, Buck drove to work with Eddie, he drove home with Eddie, he went grocery shopping with Eddie, he dropped off Chris with Eddie. They went to movies, and out to dinner, and they always ended the night in the same house and for the first time in his life, Buck felt like he knew what it was like to have a family.
Buck knew that Maddie loved him, that he would always have a place with her, should he need it. But Maddie had her own kids, her own husband, her own life, a life she’d put on hold for him for so many years of her youth. And he still depended on her more than he probably should.
But Buck found a certain kind of happiness in the shouts of Christopher at his computer, yelling at his friend for hacking a game, and a particular joy at Eddie putting away the dishes, shuffling back and forth from the dishwasher to the right cabinet, turning and smiling at Buck like he’d missed him while he was gone. It was a family that Buck had found all on his own.
Despite living together for the last six months, the Buckley-Diaz movie nights were still a-go on Fridays. Unless a shift popped up, the three of them were always sprawled across the couch, limbs criss -crossed over each other and popcorn scattered on the floor. (“Animals,” Eddie would mutter after every movie night, pushing the dustpan and broom at Buck. “You two are disgusting. I’m not cleaning it up.”)
And with movie night, came the pizza. And only one particular pizza.
Down the street- or down six streets- was a little restaurant in a hole in the wall. It was a dark, grungy, barely lit mostly-bar restaurant. It’s normal patrons were old men and drunks, but listen. The pizza. Marv owned the place and had for the last forty years and maybe it was a front, maybe it was just a place for old crime lords to sit and relive the glory days of, well… crime. But the pizza.
Always evenly tossed, cooked the perfect amount, the mozzarella always melted, the toppings loaded up. All for the low price of 12.99 for a large pie. The price was why Buck was under the impression it was a front. Eddie argued they sold it so cheaply for the love of the food and a love of their craft.
They’d found the place online, actually, back during Eddie’s probie year. Buck had come over to help fix the sink and Eddie had offered to buy him dinner. Both too beat to go out and find something, they narrowed it down to delivery. Marvin’s Bar and Pizza had come up with the shortest wait time and that was how Buck and Eddie found themselves sitting on the floor of Eddie’s kitchen, pizza box between them and eyes wide as they ate the best pizza that existed on that side of the Mississippi.
Soon, the pizza became tradition. After just six months, Marv started to recognize Buck’s number and just would answer the phone with a gruff “It’ll be there in fifteen minutes, Buckley.”
Which is exactly what Marv said when he called on this specific Friday night. Buck was starting to wonder if they should just invest in their own version of a Bat-Signal that was just the outline of Marv to let him know when they wanted pizza.
Buck hung up, humming a soft tune under his breath. He wandered back into the kitchen to grab his wallet off the counter and Eddie said, looking up from the salad he was preparing, “Let me guess, fifteen minutes?”
“Fifteen minutes till we have a beautiful half pepperoni and green peppers and half onion, pineapple, and mushroom,” Buck confirmed. He thumbed out a few bills and stepped back into the hallway, tucking the money under the key bowl. “Chris!” He called. “The money is under the bowl if you answer the door!”
He stepped back into the kitchen and got the plates down, heading to the living room with them. He set them on the coffee table and picked up the remote, scrolling through whatever streaming service Chris had left up. “What do we want to watch?” he called to both Diaz boys.
“Something good,” Chris said, shuffling out of his room. “Not like that shitty movie we watched last week.”
Buck let out an indignant squawk. “Excuse you, Christopher Edmundo Diaz, I will not sit here and accept the slander on the greatest movie ever made. In fact-”
The doorbell cut off his little rant and Chris snorted, “I’ll get the door.” He shuffled forward and Buck rolled his eyes playfully. He started scrolling through movies again when he heard a very confused, “Um, Buck?”
In two big steps, Buck was stepping towards the front door. “I told you, I left the money under the bowl, Chris-”
Standing in front of Christopher, both sets of eyes wide and full of judgment, were Helena and Ramon Diaz.
The last time Buck had seen Eddie’s parents, they’d walked into Eddie’s house and taken Eddie’s son without a word of warning beforehand. Simply snapped him up like he was a missing item they had been wanting for years and never looked back. Refused to let Eddie have any updates on him, never tried to mend the bridge between father and son, and made life difficult when Eddie had eventually given in and moved back to Texas. And they did it with smiles on their faces the whole time.
Seeing as this was the case, Buck acted on natural instinct alone and stepped forward, in front of Chris, nearly blocking him from his grandparents’ view. Like he was afraid they would snatch him and run. Again.
“Eddie?” He called, keeping his gaze steady and unwavering.
“How many fucking people does it take to carry a pizza-” Eddie grumbled, coming down the hall, but his voice cut out as soon as he saw his parents. But then he was walking forward and stepping in front of both Christopher and Buck. “Mom. Dad. What are you two doing here?”
“We thought we would surprise you and Chris,” Helena said.
“Definitely surprised,” Eddie said.
“Are you going to let us in?” she prompted, nodding her head towards the inside of the house.
Eddie turned slightly to catch Buck’s eye, a wild sort of look there.
Buck tried as best he could to say with his own I’ve got your back.
Taking a deep breath, Eddie nodded and both Chris and Buck stepped back, making room for them to enter. “Chris and I are going to… be right back,” Buck said.
Chris nodded, heading towards the kitchen as Eddie took his parents bags and coats.
“What are they doing here?” Both of them hissed at each other behind the safety of the kitchen door. They both had an accusatory finger pointed at each other.
“You didn’t call them?” Buck whispered.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” Chris whispered back.
One of the hard conversations that Chris and Eddie had when they came back to LA was about Eddie’s relationship with his parents. Buck didn’t know the exact words said, just that Chris had taken a big step back from being in touch with his grandparents. It was something that Eddie and Chris were working through in their family therapy.
“I don’t know,” Buck said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just-”
“Panicking?” Chris offered.
“I don’t panic,” Buck muttered.
Chris hummed, but slowly lowered his pointed finger, as if shoving it in a holster. “Alright, then, Sheriff. Let’s call this one a draw. No friendly fire in this here town.”
Buck raised his own index finger to his lips and blew on the imaginary gun barrel, also holstering it. “Let’s go save your dad.” He ushered Chris back out the door, not missing the dirty look he got from Helena for whisking Chris away as soon as they got there. But he also caught Eddie’s eye and shook his head minutely to answer the question he knew he was asking; No, Chris didn’t call them.
Eddie relaxed slightly, a bit of tension fading from his shoulders. “Where are you guys staying?” Eddie asked. “An AirBNB or a hotel nearby?”
“We thought we would stay with you,” Ramon said. “We’re only here for a week, we figured we could have you take the couch and we take your bed.”
Buck blinked- once at the actual audacity of the assumption and a second time for the same reason because wow.
“Oh,” Eddie said, voice falling a little flat. “Well, I wish I had known you were coming-”
“That’s the point of a surprise, Eddie,” Helena interjected.
Eddie continued like he hadn’t heard her, “Because it’s not just me you’d be kicking out of the bed, but Buck too.” He jerked a thumb over in Buck’s direction.
Okay, listen.
The sleeping situation was something that happened in week three of them living together. Buck had been sleeping on the couch and it was a great couch! He missed it when it went for a brief stint in El Paso! But he was not in his twenties anymore. And he had chronic pain in his leg that flared up when he slept with his legs curled up. With rushed mornings of trying to get Chris ready for school and both of them ready for shift, pulling the couch out into its makeshift bed form was too much in the way to work every night. So, after two and half weeks, Eddie had clapped his hands together and announced they were sharing the bed.
Buck had said no at first, said he was fine, that he would survive, and when he’d gotten home from the grocery store later that day, his pillow and his favorite blanket to hold while he slept were in the bedroom, set up just so. And that had been that. If Buck sometimes curled around Eddie’s pillow and breathed the smell of shampoo and Eddie in after Eddie had gotten up, that was between him and the pillow.
But now, with both of Eddie’s parents now whipping around to stare at Buck, Buck wished he’d just stayed on the damn couch. Fuck his knee.
“Both of you?” Ramon said, slowly turning his gaze back to Eddie, eyes narrowed.
“Yeah, we share the bed,” Eddie said easily. “I told you we all live together.”
“We thought it was a temporary situation,” Ramon said.
Buck really wished that Helena would look away from him. Her gaze was piercing and he could only look at so many random things in the room before he looked at her. He looked at the TV, at Chris, at Eddie, then the remote on the coffee-table, the bookcase- and god, she was still looking at him. Why was she still looking at him?
“Never said that,” Eddie said. “Never even implied it, actually.”
The doorbell rang again and Buck nearly jumped out of his skin. “I’ll get it,” Chris said, going back down the hall. Buck had never been so jealous of someone in his life. And trust him, that was saying something.
“The couch pulls out,” Buck burst out suddenly and now it wasn’t just Helena looking at him, but Eddie and Ramon both focused on him as well. “We can just- Eddie and I will take the couch, it’s fine.”
Helena’s gaze slowly slid to Eddie as she said, “Well, at least one of you is a good host.”
Fuck.
Eddie’s jaw clenched for a fraction of a second before he smiled at his mother and said, “I know. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to come back to LA so badly. I really love the feeling of being welcome in a home I used to live in.”
Buck used his fuck too early. Because holy fucking shit.
Buck was well aware of Eddie’s cattiness, his ability to throw an underhanded dig and have it wallop someone right in the face. How he could simply skirt around an actual insult but have you feeling like he’d just torn your heart in two while never actually saying anything untrue or mean. It was funny, mostly, because it was so seldom the cattiness was directed at Buck. He could recall maybe once or twice.
It wasn’t until this very moment that he realized it was a learned trait. And that Eddie had perfected it.
Helena and Eddie were staring at each other, as if daring the other to make another remark, and then Chris walked in, pizza tucked under one arm and leaning on his crutch with the other.
Buck swooped forward, taking the pizza from him. “We didn’t know you were coming- obviously- so we only got one pizza. But um, I have a salad? And some left over grilled chicken so I can have that and you guys can have the pizza and there’s also a fruit platter left over from the get together at Maddie’s and then there’s also-”
“Buck,” Eddie said and Buck shut his mouth to look at him. “It’ll be fine. C’mon.” He took the pizza from Buck’s shaky hands and set it on the coffee-table. “We’ll get get some water for everyone.”
Buck was close on his heels as they entered the kitchen and Eddie let the door swing shut behind them. Eddie leaned against the counter and pressed his fingers to his temples. “Fuck.”
“I’m sorry,” Buck said.
“For what?”
“Um… I’m not sure.”
Eddie snorted, letting his hands fall back to his sides. “Chris didn’t call them?”
“No,” Buck shook his head. “He seems to be just as confused as us.”
“A week,” Eddie sighed. “We can do this, right?”
Eddie’s gaze was pleading, needing assurance and comfort. His eyebrows were pinched in the middle of his forehead and Buck wanted to reach out and smooth it out with his thumb. Instead, he said, “’Course we can. We’ve faced tsunamis, beenados, earthquakes, broken dams… hey, where do we think the Diaz Parents Staying For A Week ranks?”
“Most likely to end in death,” Eddie muttered.
Buck clicked his tongue as he pulled the bowls from the cabinet for the salad, “That’s the lightning strike, actually.”
An exasperated sound left Eddie and Buck shot him a grin. Eddie rolled his eyes and knocked his shoulder against Buck’s, his hand slowly coming up to Buck’s forearm. He squeezed it gently three times. “Asshole.”
~
“Buck, stop tossing and turning.”
“I turned once, Eddie, Jesus Christ, shut up. It’s not my fault this thing is like a glorified hammock.”
Buck received an elbow to the rib and he hissed in pain before Eddie said, “Actually, it is your fault, because I was trying to get my parents to leave and you instead offered up our bed and now we’re stuck on this death trap for a week.”
Our bed. Our bed. Our bed.
“Your mom was burning holes into my face with her eyes. My face was melting and I was panicking.”
Eddie hummed in the dark room. “She’s good at eliciting that emotion from people.”
Dinner had been… fine, Buck supposed. After a little snide dig from Helena about eating in front of the TV, Buck had loaded everything onto the dining room table. He didn’t even pout when Helena took his seat. He just dragged in an extra chair from the kitchen and positioned it so Eddie was sitting between Buck and Chris- the Eddie Diaz Defense Squad. The EDDS, if you will. Buck was working on trademarking it. And T-Shirts. Beanies, if the right people were interested.
Mostly, Ramon and Helena had spoken to Christopher, who gave vague details about school and the clubs he was a part of. Eddie had picked at his salad, tapping his index finger against his fork repeatedly until Buck had locked his ankle between both of his. A deep breath had left Eddie and he’d given Buck a small smile before he started to eat again.
Tired from their flight, the two had retreated to the main bedroom. Chris had followed suit and was in his own room before nine.
“Thanks for not leaving,” Eddie whispered now, lying side by side on the pull out couch.
Buck took his gaze off the ceiling where he’d been wondering how cobwebs had appeared suddenly. He’d have to clean them before Ramon and Helena got up. “Hm?”
“You could’ve left, gone and hidden at Maddie and Chim’s.”
“The thought didn’t even occur to me,” Buck said honestly. He turned to face Eddie, propping his head up with his elbow.
Eddie mirrored his movements, his face briefly illuminated by a car passing by. He didn’t say anything back, just looked at Buck with a sort of pinched expression.
“I can go if you want,” Buck said, keeping his voice light. “I’ve been itching to go back to St. Louis. Could take some PTO and take a road trip.”
“What exactly is in St. Louis that you would want to go there? Again?”
Buck scoffed. “Spoken like someone who’s never seen the Cahokia Mounds. Although, that’s not technically in St. Louis but-”
“You’re not going to fucking St. Louis.”
“Well, now I want to go.”
“We can go when we’re all off.”
Smiling softly, Buck let his head hit the pillow again. “Sure. We’ll figure it out.” He stifled a yawn and shut his eyes. “What should I make for breakfast? Start the day off on a good note.”
Eddie mimicked his movements again, settling down. “So, don’t freak out.” Uh oh. “But my mom kind of hates breakfast food.”
Buck’s eyes flew open. “Come again?”
“She hates it.”
“Pancakes? Waffles? French toast? Eggs? Omelets? Biscuits and gravy? Eggs Benedict? Hash browns? Oatmeal? Crepes?”
“If it’s a food commonly eaten for breakfast, she hates it.”
Buck stared at Eddie as if he’d grown a third head. “But you and Chris love breakfast food.”
“I don’t think taste buds are genetic.”
“Some studies-”
“Buck, we like breakfast food. She does not. That’s all there is to it.”
“No,” Buck stressed, sitting up slightly to look at Eddie again. “Eds, you said she hates breakfast food. What am I supposed to make tomorrow?”
“What were you planning on making?” Eddie rolled onto his side, only popping one eye open to look at Buck.
“Nutella stuffed French Toast with strawberries.”
“That’s fine.”
“Eddie,” he whispered-whined. “She’s gonna hate me.”
Eddie groaned, flopping onto his back and pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. “Does it matter, Buck? You like me, so she already thought something was wrong with you.”
A frown settled on Buck’s face. “Eddie…”
“She’s my mom, Buck. And she doesn’t like me. She loves me, but she doesn’t like me. She thinks I’m a shitty parent, she thinks I mess up everything I touch. And my dad. He just likes to pretend my son is his and like I don’t exist. Like, I was just a stepping stone for him to being a good parent. Like he gets a re-do with Christopher because he fucked it up with me and the girls.”
Eddie’s chest heaved and Buck could see his throat bob with a thick swallow. Ever so gently, Buck reached forward with the arm he wasn’t leaning on and took one of Eddie’s hands in his. Eddie dropped the other, turning his head to look at Buck.
“What can I do?” Buck whispered.
Eddie’s grip on his hand tightened, almost to the point of pain. But Buck held on just as tight. “Just be here,” Eddie breathed.
“No St. Louis,” Buck confirmed.
Smiling wobbly, Eddie nodded. “I know you’re gonna, like, try to fix this and try and make them happy. Or you’re going to cause a scene, but I need you to not do either of those. And if you decide my mom is your second favorite Diaz to win her over, I’m moving to Idaho.”
“Hey,” Buck tugged lightly on Eddie’s hand. “Listen, when we met, after the grenade, I decided you were my favorite Diaz. And then, you introduced me to Chris. That was your fault. He had to dethrone you, you know?” Eddie nodded seriously and Buck continued, “But listen, my second favorite Diaz? They’re kind. And loving. So, so incredibly brave. Welcoming in a way I’d never experienced before, made me feel like family before I even knew their middle name. Really, completely and truly, one of the best people to ever live. And I’m eternally grateful that the universe put them in my path and made it so I never had to walk it alone again.”
Eddie’s lip trembled and a tear slipped down his cheek. Buck raised their joined hands to gently brush it away with his thumb. “Really?” Eddie croaked. “You mean all that?”
Buck hummed, pulling their laced fingers to his chest and he settled back down. “Yeah, I do.”
“Buck-” Eddie’s fingers twisted in his shirt.
“Adriana really is the second best Diaz.” He shut his eyes.
“Oh, fuck you.”
But Eddie’s quiet sniffles continued for the next few minutes before they both fell asleep.
~
Helena’s plate was untouched, save for the strawberries that had been on top of the French Toast and Buck was trying incredibly hard to not take it personally. Or get unrealistically angry about it. Because this wasn’t his recipe, it was Bobby’s. From Bobby’s handwritten recipe book that Athena had given him. It was like spitting on the man’s grave.
Ramon ate two pieces, but mainly focused on his coffee, looking mostly at Christopher the entire meal. He hadn’t looked at Buck or Eddie since he’d been the first one up and had tripped over the edge of the living room carpet. Buck didn’t know if it was from genuine clumsiness or if he’d been shocked by Buck and Eddie being nearly curled into a cocoon of blankets. It wasn’t Buck’s fault! Buck ran hot, so the AC was kept low. Eddie ran cool, so they kept extra blankets on hand. Buck, however, couldn’t sleep without some sort of weight on him. And after Eddie had basically burritoed himself in the three blankets they had, Buck had simply just… tucked himself under Eddie.
The crash of Ramon stumbling into the bookcase had caused both of them to wake, but Eddie had shot up, an arm on either side of Buck, hair stuck up in a million different directions. “You okay, Dad?” he had mumbled, slowly resting back down, his head on Buck’s shoulder still.
“Just stumbled,” Ramon had mumbled before disappearing into the kitchen. When Buck heard the back door open and shut, he’d gotten up to start breakfast, ignoring the small whines coming from Eddie.
Now, Buck was leaning against the counter in front of the sink, next to Eddie. Eddie had eaten standing up, but was now cradling a mug of coffee close to him, eyes shut. Buck side stepped just slightly closer until their shoulders brushed and Eddie leaned into him.
Smiling softly, Buck glanced up at Christopher, who was telling his grandparents about his science project, but found that Helena was looking at them already, eyes slightly narrowed. Buck felt his cheeks flush under the attention and shuffled to the side. But Eddie just took a step that way until their shoulders were connected again.
“Do you boys have plans today?” Helena asked.
Eddie slowly blinked his eyes open. “Well, we’re off today. Tomorrow, we start a four on- four eight hour shifts. Then we’re off Thursday, work a twelve on Friday, and off again on Saturday?” He looked at Buck, who nodded. “So, I think today we were gonna take it easy. Buck has to weed the back garden.”
“He does it alone because Dad pulled up Buck’s tomato plants last time,” Chris informed his grandparents.
“In my defense, it was small and looked like a weed,” Eddie said.
Buck snorted. “Rest in peace Tomato Plants One, Two, Three, Four, and Six. Five was spared, somehow. The salsa that never was.”
Eddie nudged his hip into Buck’s, but he was smiling into the rim of his coffee mug. The bright light of morning sunshine was hitting his back, dark hair washed golden. Skin warm and slightly flushed. When he glanced over at Buck, his soft brown eyes were caught in a sunbeam and Buck felt his breath catch in his chest.
He could’ve stayed there forever. Looking at Eddie. Somewhere, the deep part of his brain concocted a plan for his death and burial. Tape his eyes open and put a picture of Eddie on the top of his casket, so he could look at him for all of eternity. But that was an inside thought.
And forget looking at Eddie for forever, because before he knew it, there was a loud scrape of a chair being pushed back and Ramon bullied his way between them, mumbling an apology and placing his dishes in the sink. But then he stayed there, positioned between the two of them, wedged in between, his shoulders pushed forward to make himself smaller. Leave room for Jesus, Ramon, god damn.
Eddie looked at his father, eyebrows low on his face and stepped forward, socked feet scuffing against the tile as he went to Buck’s other side and leaned into his other shoulder.
“Maybe we can take Chris out for the day,” Ramon said, mouth twisted off to the side in displeasure. “Maybe to a movie and lunch.”
“I have homework and then a gaming session with my friends,” Chris said.
Ramon and Helena both pinched their lips and Helena turned to Eddie. “You’re just gonna let him waste his weekend playing his video games?”
Eddie sighed, “He’s doing homework first, Mom, and he’s got a weekly time for this. Every Saturday from 4-6, he plays with his friends, then we have dinner. It’s a thing the kids do.” He waved a hand, dismissively and Buck could see the anger flare in Helena’s eyes.
“Well, you can miss it once, can’t you, sweetheart?” Helena said. “We’re only in town for this week-”
“It’s one night, Grandma,” Chris mumbled, pushing away from the table. “We can do something later in the week, all of us, together.” He stood, handing his plate to Buck, who tucked it into the dishwasher. “I’m gonna get dressed.” Without waiting for a response, he left the room.
“I’m sure Pepa would love to see you when we’re at work and Chris is at school,” Eddie said, putting his coffee mug in the dishwasher as well. “So, you aren’t bored when everyone is busy.”
“It’s LA, Eddie, we can find something to do without my sister,” Ramon said with a slight huff.
Buck had always figured there was some… animosity between Pepa and Ramon. Clearly, he’d been right.
Eddie merely shrugged. “I’m gonna take a shower and get dressed. Buck, leave the dishes, I’ll finish them when I’m done.” He reached up and gave Buck’s arm a quick three squeezes before he left the kitchen.
Helena opened her mouth to call after him, but Buck cleared his throat loudly and drummed his hands on the kitchen counter. When both Helena and Ramon’s gazes turned to him he gave them a thumbs up and said, “Off to weed! Come get me if you need me! I hope you both enjoyed breakfast.” Then he jerked the thumbs up towards the back door and walked out, whistling as he went, but then let his shoulders drop in relief.
The weather was already blazing and he was determined to stay outside as long as possible, just to keep their gazes off of him. He wasn’t sure how Eddie had survived it growing up.
~
“You know what’s weird?” Buck asked, as they were on the couch again that night.
“That it’s nearly midnight and you’re still awake?” Eddie mumbled, face half squished into his pillow.
“No, that, like, our lives were completely different growing up.” Eddie just offered a hum, but didn’t say anything so Buck plowed on. “Like, your parents just… watch everything we do. It’s like we’re a scientific study or something.”
Eddie snorted into his pillow, tightening his grip on it. “Sure, that’s why.” His tone suggested he very much knew the reason, but he didn’t offer it. Buck didn’t ask.
“But my parents… god, I was basically killing myself to get them to look at me.” Buck sighed. “I was only relevant if I had done something wrong. I was such a problem child, but it was the only way I could get them to really look at me and not through me.”
A warm hand curled around Buck’s bicep, squeezing gently. “You weren’t a problem,” Eddie said, sounding more awake than he had a moment before. “You were a kid trying his best in a house where they kept raising the bar.”
“Mm. Hi, Pot, I’m Kettle,” Buck said, putting his hand over Eddie’s.
He could hear the smile in Eddie’s voice as he spoke next, “I think,” he said slowly, “you should get some sleep.”
“My brain is going like a million miles an hour,” Buck said. “I’ve counted all the books on the shelving unit like six times. I’m usually asleep by the third count.”
Groaning quietly, Eddie flipped himself over so he was on his back rather than his stomach. He removed his hand from Buck’s arm and instead leaned forward, hooking his hand around Buck’s neck. He tugged him forward until Buck was on his side, tucked against Eddie.
It was almost comical, the way every bone and muscle melted in the embrace. Walking, talking cliché of feeling safe in his best friend’s arms, Buck tucked his face against Eddie’s neck, breathing in the remaining specks of cologne still lingering on his skin. He slid his arm over Eddie’s stomach, curling his fingers into his shirt.
“Sleep,” Eddie mumbled into his curls. “We have a long week ahead of us.”
Buck didn’t reply, already dozing off.
~
Shocking no one, their four-on shift was the least stressful part of the week.
Thursday was a teacher-conference day so Christopher was off school and Helena was not going to let another opportunity pass her by. Wednesday night, right after Buck and Eddie had gotten off shift, during dinner, she’d asked Chris what he wanted to do with his free day.
Glancing at his dad, then at Buck, Christopher said, “We should go to the zoo.”
The answer startled Buck. The Los Angeles Zoo was a place that had been a bi-weekly activity once upon a time for the two of them, but as Chris got older and his interests changed, the zoo visits became arcade nights and video game marathons. In fact, according to the mug in the cupboard, the last time they’d been to the zoo was right after Covid restrictions had dropped in 2021.
“The zoo!” Helena said, clearly pleased that it wasn’t anything online. “How fun.”
It wasn’t until the Diaz parents had gone to bed that Chris had let the other two in on his plan. “We have the high ground,” he said. “We know that zoo like the back of our hand. We could ditch ‘em at the Rainforest.”
Buck snapped his fingers, pointing at Chris. “Cut through South America,” he said. “Hide in the bird show.”
“I am not hiding with birds.”
“There’s trainers there, Dad, it’s not like a free for all.” Chris rolled his eyes.
“I’d pay to see Eddie Diaz vs Hope the Condor,” Buck said, snickering into his hand and narrowly dodging Eddie’s slap at his shoulder.
“Hope is winning that fight,” Chris said. “No offense, Dad. They have a wing span of like. Nine feet.”
“I could fight Hope,” Eddie grumbled. “And win.”
“Eddie, she’s an Ambassador for the zoo,” Buck said. “They’re critically endangered. You’ll go to jail.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Chris quipped and Buck grinned, reaching over and high-fiving him.
“I hate both of you,” Eddie said, pushing away from the table. “I’m going to bed.”
They both watched Eddie walk out of the kitchen and then Chris said, “He was really happy when we moved back- sad, obviously, because of Bobby, but… he was happy to be home. He didn’t like El Paso.”
“Hey,” Buck said softly, knocking his knuckles against Chris’s elbow. “Your dad would go to hell and back if that’s what you needed.”
“I know,” Chris said with a sigh. “I just wish he didn’t think he deserved it when he went.”
~
“Hey, Eds?” Buck whispered into the dark.
Eddie, already more than three-quarters of the way to sleep, hummed slightly.
“I think you could take Hope the Condor. But don’t tell Chris I told you that. And I really don’t want you to fight a bird. I think, even if you win, you’d look kind of dumb.”
His best friend did not reply, but his hand gently rested over Buck’s heart and Buck allowed sleep to take over.
~
Genuinely, Buck was excited for the zoo. He’d woken up early, made breakfast burritos, and was in the process of filling up water bottles when he heard the rest of the house come to life. He shoved the water bottles into his backpack and set it by the door. Helena and Ramon went into the kitchen with barely a glance in his direction and Eddie gave him a warm, sleepy smile when he woke on the couch. He stayed curled up on the couch, scrolling through his phone.
“Did you fry tortillas?” Chris asked, walking out of his room.
“I warmed tortillas,” Buck corrected. “Burritos in the microwave. They’re wrapped in foil so they’re still hot, do not run the microwave.”
“I’m gonna run the microwave,” Chris said, going through the kitchen door as Helena walked into the living room and sat on the small chair beside the couch. She glanced at Eddie and sipped her coffee without saying anything.
“Menace!” Buck called after him and he reveled in the cackle that rang out against the tile floor. “Oh, hey, Chris? Do you want me to pack your chair or-?” The wheelchair was in the hall closet, used very rarely. Back in the day, when Chris got tired at the zoo, Buck would just scoop him up and carry him the rest of the way. He could still do that, but Buck wasn’t sure it would be the cool thing to do.
“No,” Chris called back. “I’ll be fine.”
Buck nodded to himself, looking in the hall closet and started debating if he should shove the umbrella in his backpack. The weather had shown a 0% chance of rain, but that’s honestly exactly what the umbrella would want him to believe to get out of doing its job and have him buy another zoo themed umbrella because of a sudden downpour. He wondered if umbrella companies had stock in weather apps. Or vice versa. If umbrellas were sentient, would they want friends? Or would they be territorial? Like a I’m the only one they need kind of thing? Or-
“Should pack the chair anyway,” Helena said. “Just in case.”
Buck turned to face her, immediately seeing Eddie’s face pull into a frown as he sat up on the pull out.
“Chris is pretty good about knowing his limits,” Buck offered easily, shrugging one shoulder to try and keep the conversation as light as he could. “If he needs a break, we can just take a seat for a few minutes.”
“It won’t hurt anything to pack it,” she said.
“He said he didn’t want it,” Eddie said, voice scratchy from sleep, but filled with coolness. “We try to respect his boundaries and his knowledge of his own limits.”
Helena’s grip on the mug tightened and she mouthed the word we to herself. She opened her mouth to reply and Buck could see Eddie’s shoulders straighten, like he was bracing for a war of words.
Buck clapped his hands together so loudly that both Diazes jumped and he gave them an overly wide grin, “Who is excited for the zoo?! Chris! Are you excited! I am so excited!” He bounded forward on his tippy toes, shouldering the kitchen door open to see Ramon and Chris at the kitchen table, eating burritos; Chris on his phone, Ramon reading the paper. (Did they still receive a physical paper? Were they paying for that? Buck would have to look into it.)
Chris blinked in surprise at the sudden outburst and nodded slowly, “Sure, Buck. Super pumped.”
He gave a sure nod and swiveled to look at Eddie, who was looking at him like he’d grown a third head. “Up and at ‘em, Eds! Go get cleaned up, don’t want to miss out on prime parking and you know the elephants are more active in the morning for feeding times!”
“Okay,” Eddie said slowly, getting out of the covers. “I’ll go get dressed.”
Buck clapped again and said, “Cool! I’ll load up the car.”
~
“God, it’s so hot,” Eddie huffed. “I should’ve- Oh.” He took the water bottle from Buck’s outstretched hand. “I don’t want to drink all your water.”
“This is yours, doofus.” He tapped the cool metal of the bottle. “I had it in my backpack. Yours is red, mine is teal. Chris’s is the orange one, but I think your dad is holding it right now.” He peered over his sunglasses to where Ramon was standing with Christopher in front of the Baird’s Tapirs. “Yep. In his hand.”
Eddie was looking at Buck when he looked back. Or at least, Buck assumed, because he was facing him but he was also wearing sunglasses.
“What?” Buck asked.
“You brought my water bottle?”
“I brought all the water bottles- one for everyone.”
Eddie’s lips turned into a frown. “You’ve been lugging around five water bottles?”
Buck swung his backpack over his shoulder and set it on the picnic table in front of them. “I’ve got the water bottles- minus yours and Chris’s, trail mix, some dried fruit, sunscreen- we should reapply soon, don’t let me forget-, some pain pills, Chris’ backup glasses, some baseball caps, and an umbrella.”
Looking up at the clear, beautiful blue sky, Eddie said, “Umbrella?”
“I’m working on a new theory that Big Umbrella is owned by Big Weather,” Buck said. “Didn’t want to take any chances. One time Chris and I had a go ahead for a beautiful spring day! Clear skies then boom. Ducked inside the gift shop and shelled out fifty bucks for an umbrella, Eddie! Fifty! Don’t- Eddie, stop laughing at me!”
His best friend was, indeed, laughing. Even paused to take his glasses off and wipe at his teary eyes. “Oh shit, Buck. Fifty dollars on an umbrella. Big Umbrella. Jesus, fuck.”
“Someone has to own umbrella stock,” Buck said.
Eddie grinned at him, eyes crinkling up in the corners in a way that made Buck’s heart ache. Eddie always said that Christopher looked like Shannon. Always said that all the best parts of his son were from his mother. Buck couldn’t say if that was true. He’d only met Shannon once or twice and he wasn’t about to disagree with the man she had married about stuff like that. He always attributed Chris’s kind heart, giving nature, and snarky backtalk to Eddie. But physically? When Eddie smiled, he looked fifteen years younger. Despite the wrinkles, the smile lines, the age that showed in his eyes, like Christopher, when Eddie smiled, his whole face lit up and Buck always thought they were carbon copies of each other in those moments.
He really loved looking at Eddie all the time but especially when he smiled. Bonus points when the smile was directed at him.
“You’re the best, you know that?” Eddie asked, swinging the water bottle forward to nudge Buck’s arm.
“Because of my conspiracy theories on umbrellas?”
“That for sure,” Eddie nodded at him seriously, lips quirking into a smirk. “But I don’t know, the whole day. I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” he told Eddie.
Eddie swallowed thickly, sliding his sunglasses back on. “Yeah, me either.” He wiped at his eyes again, but turned away this time to do so.
Before Buck could ask if he wanted one of the caps since the sun was obviously bothering his eyes, he heard a loud BUCK!
For a split second, he was flashing back to being in an uncomfortable chair with the smell of greasy cheese surrounding him, slightly unpleasant company, and feeling dread fill his stomach.
Then he was back at the zoo. Sometimes Chris sounded so much like Eddie it was startling.
“What’s up?” Buck asked, facing Chris. Helena and Ramon followed slowly behind him.
“Snacks?”
Buck nodded. “Fruit or trail mix?”
Christopher hmmed. “Did you make the trail mix gross and add peanuts?” Eddie reached into Buck’s bag and pulled out the hand sanitizer and Chris held out his palm for some.
“Uh, no, I haven’t added peanuts since you picked every single one of them out and tossed them at my head.”
“My methods are unorthodox, but effective,” Chris replied, reaching for the ziplock bag in Buck’s backpack. “You haven’t used them since.”
With a roll of his eyes, Buck said, “I used cashews instead, is that okay, Your Highness?”
Shoveling a handful into his mouth, Chris chewed slowly, like he was mulling it over. “It’s okay. Try pecans next time.”
“Uh, no,” Eddie said, wagging a finger. “I’m not having this discussion with you two again. Pecans are used for pie and sundaes. Anything else is prohibited in the Buckley-Diaz household. It’s the law.”
“We didn’t sign that contract,” Buck protested. “You have no authority until the signatures are on the page!”
“I forged the signatures!” Eddie hit back, lips turned up into a grin.
“Oh, oh?” Chris said. He held up his phone and shook it at his dad. “I was recording that! Good luck getting that to hold up in court!”
Buck grimaced. “Sorry, man, but in the state of California, if you haven’t disclosed someone is being recorded, it’s illegal. We’ll get thrown out with that kind of evidence.”
“He forged signatures! On a legal document!” Chris argued. “That seems worse!”
“Not in the eyes of the law,” Eddie said, looking smug.
Chris stared at his dad, clicked the voice memo start button, then said, “Father, I’m disclosing that this conversation is being recorded for legal reasons. Please repeat what you said about the signatures.”
Slowly, Eddie brought his water bottle up to his lips. Right before it touched, he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, kid.”
Both Buck and Chris groaned, and Ramon said, “Are we interrupting something?”
“Yeah, Eddie getting into illegal penmanship,” Buck said, shaking his head sadly.
Chris wiped fake tears from his eyes, “You think you know a guy.”
“How low can you go?” Eddie replied dryly and Buck could sense the eye roll behind the dark shades.
Buck and Chris dissolved into giggles.
~
“I had a good time today,” Eddie said, staring up at the ceiling of the living room.
Buck was swiping through the pictures he’d taken all day, trying to decide on the three he wanted to post on Instagram. But he clicked his phone off and set it on his chest, now also looking up. “Me too. Haven’t been to the zoo in ages.”
“Was nice to see Chris was still excited by it all,” Eddie admitted. “I was worried he’d have his whole I’m too Cool and Mature for this persona on. But he had a genuine good time, I could tell.”
“What can I say? I’m a delight at the zoo. Should quit my job and be a zookeeper. Or a tour guide.”
He could hear Eddie’s frown, “No, don’t quit, I’d miss you.”
Buck paused, glancing over at Eddie. “We’d still live together.”
“Yeah, but I like working with you. And living with you.”
“Not sick of me yet?” Buck teased, nudging his elbow against Eddie’s arm.
“Mmm, no, I’m not.” Eddie stifled a yawn behind his fist, then rubbed his eyes. “I missed you in El Paso. I don’t want to do that again.”
Buck had missed people his entire life. He was half sure that he grew up missing Daniel, but never quite able to put a finger on who he was missing. He had missed Maddie, a pain so sure in his chest for so long that it nearly suffocated him. He had missed Abby, left behind in a place that he let her haunt before he took over the job of ghost. He missed Bobby. Sometimes, still, he’d be in the firehouse, making family dinner and he’d look over to the front of the table or the counter, spoon held out for someone who would never taste test his meals again.
But missing Eddie had felt different. Still drenched in grief, but rather than feeling left behind, he felt like Eddie had taken a part of Buck with him. Like he’d reached into his chest, grabbed his heart, tucked it into his pocket and driven off. He wasn’t just missing Eddie and Chris, but he was missing the person he had become with them around. Someone to be trusted, depended on, someone who was a part of the family.
Missing Eddie had felt like Buck was just a shell of himself, scooped out and taken halfway across the country.
“I don’t want that either,” Buck whispered. “You’ve convinced me, I’ll stay firefighting.”
“Good.”
Silence fell between the two and for a moment, Buck believed that Eddie had fallen asleep. His breathing had evened out and his hands had relaxed at his sides, fingers brushing Buck’s wrist. But then his fingers slid into Buck’s hand and he pressed his palm against Buck’s.
Buck turned again to look at Eddie, but Eddie’s eyes were shut and his whole body was slumped into the blankets, face soft.
“Goodnight, Eddie,” Buck whispered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Sweet dreams.”
Eddie didn’t respond in words, but he squeezed Buck’s hand back three times.
~
“No pizza?” Chris repeated, standing in the kitchen doorway on Friday night. He was watching Buck chop up some potatoes and Eddie was rinsing some broccoli in the sink. “But it’s movie night.”
“We’re still gonna watch a movie,” Eddie said. “But… no, no pizza.”
“We always have pizza,” Chris said. “It’s Friday.”
Buck chewed on his lip for a moment. “We had Thai last night and when pizza was brought up tonight, it was… advised that eating out twice in a row was unhealthy.”
Christopher groaned, throwing his head back dramatically. Then he leveled his head, looked at his father and Buck, and groaned again, before leaving the room.
“He gets the dramatics from you,” Eddie said, setting a towel on the counter and putting the colander full of broccoli on it.
Buck scowled instantly, “That is not true.”
“Oh, please.” Eddie snorted, grinning sideways at Buck. “Sometimes he gives me these looks and I see your faces morphed together like those scary what will our children look like picture edits.”
“You think I’m the dramatic one out of the two of us?” Buck gestured between them with the knife and then quickly put it down. “Me? You’re gonna say that, Mr. Join A Fight Club?”
“Okay, Mr. Lawsuit.”
“Okay, Mr. Plan To Move To Texas Without Saying Anything.”
“Okay, Mr. Sprain My Ankle Because I Made A New Friend.”
“Okay, Mr. Quit Firefighting on Christmas Day.”
“Okay, Mr. Climb A Crane In The Middle of A Shooting Spree of Firefighters.”
“Okay, Mr- Hemph!”
Eddie had leaned over and shoved a broccoli floret into his mouth. When Buck stared at him in question, he said, shrugging one shoulder, “You were rambling.”
Buck chewed the veggie slowly, then reached over and grabbed Eddie’s hand. The amount of trust Eddie had was sweet, but ill advised, because he let Buck take his hand, putting the rest of the broccoli on the tray that he’d drizzled with olive oil with one hand. Buck brought his hand up and Eddie slowly turned his head, “What are you-” he started.
Buck spit the half chewed mouthful into his hand and folded his fingers over it. “You’re a jerk.”
“Asshole!” Eddie gasped, instantly dropping his hand over the sink. “You’re an asshole!” He said, louder this time, so Buck could hear him over his cackles. After he washed his hands, Eddie grabbed the dish towel and whipped it against Buck’s side.
Squawking, Buck jumped back to avoid another lash. “Hey! I didn’t hurt you!”
“I’ll never recover,” Eddie snipped back, taking a menacing step forward, towel raised to attack again. “You must be punished.”
Buck held up a hand when his back hit the counter. “Mercy.”
“Beg for forgiveness,” Eddie said, now well within distance to strike if he so pleased.
Buck raised his other hand, “Okay, okay. Eddie?”
“Yes, Buck?” He gave him a sweet smile. The little liar.
Buck took a step forward, towards him. “I’m really, truly, honestly, completely-” He lunged forward and grabbed the towel tightly, then leaned back sharply to yank it from his hands.
But Eddie held a sure grip and just stumbled straight into Buck’s chest, their hands squished between them.
“Let it go!” Buck said, trying to wiggle it away.
“You let it go!” Eddie argued, tugging to the side.
Pushing forward, Buck slid his hands outwards over the towel, knocking Eddie’s hands out of the way and he twisted quickly, lifting his arms up and over, pushing Eddie’s front into the counter and trapping him against his chest. The towel was in both of Buck’s hands that rested on either side of Eddie, gently on the counter top. He wasn’t even sure how they had maneuvered this way, honestly.
Eddie sucked in a deep breath, his back leaning further into Buck. His hair tickled Buck’s face. The coconut shampoo invaded Buck’s system and he tipped his head forward, ever so slightly so his nose just barely brushed under Eddie’s ear.
A small, strangled sound left Eddie and his hands slowly pressed over the top of Buck’s, which were still in fists to enclose the towel. He slid his fingers between Buck’s, the towel falling useless to the granite.
Eddie slowly turned his head, his breath hitting Buck’s cheek first, then his lips. The tip of his nose just grazed Buck’s and Buck swallowed thickly, shutting his eyes.
“Buck,” Eddie breathed. “Buck.”
Ever so carefully, ever so slowly, Buck felt Eddie sway forward, but then the kitchen door swung open and they shot apart, both their chests heaving.
Helena was standing in the doorway, eyebrow raised. “Am I interrupting?” she asked, voice a tad higher than normal. “Could hear you two bickering.”
“Just talking, Mom,” Eddie mumbled, going back to the broccoli. Buck could see the dark flush on the back of his neck, slowly traveling up to his ears.
“Do you need help with dinner?” she asked.
Eddie glanced at Buck for an answer.
“I think we’re good,” Buck said, voice tight and he clenched his hands back into fists to stop them from shaking. “Just about to turn the chicken and put the potatoes and veggies in.”
“Mm,” Helena hummed. “Mind if I sit in here with you two?”
Buck gave her a small smile, gesturing to the table.
“How was work?” she asked.
“Busy,” Eddie said. “People drive like maniacs when the weekend hits.”
“One Friday a couple months ago, we had a record of twenty six car accidents,” Buck added. “No fatalities- woo!” He waved his hands in the air halfheartedly, and reveled in the grin that Eddie sent his way.
“And your new captain-” Helena started. “Christopher said his name was… Smokestack?”
Eddie snorted loudly and Buck elbowed him. “Chimney- or Howard. Howie. My brother in law, actually.”
“How did he get that-”
“That is a long and disgusting story,” Eddie said. “Not appropriate for right before dinner.”
“He’s a good captain?” Helena asked. “A good replacement since-”
“I’m gonna go outside and grab some herbs for the potatoes,” Buck said suddenly, only halfway done cutting the potatoes in half. “I’ll-” He pointed to the kitchen door and took quick steps to get there. Right before he opened it, Eddie’s hand shot out and gave his arm a squeeze.
You okay? His expression asked.
Buck nodded sharply and stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. He walked to the far end of the backyard, going to his rosemary plant. He plucked a few sprigs and sighed deeply. One of these days he’d be able to hear people that weren’t the 118 talk about Bobby in that way without having to run away from the conversation. But today was not that day.
He grabbed some thyme and oregano, then went to the back stoop to grab some fresh parsley when he heard Eddie’s voice through the open window.
“-not sure why we have to talk about this now,” Eddie was saying. “I just asked you to not bring up Bobby and now we’re-”
“Because you always rush into things, Eddie!” Helena said, anger clear in her voice. “I cannot believe that you’re-”
“I’m not sure why you’re freaking out about something that hasn’t even happened!” Eddie shot back and Buck could nearly picture Eddie turning on his heel to face his mother, face pinched.
“But you want it to,” Helena argued. “And Chris-”
“Chris knows, Mom. Chris knows and he’s good with it- happy even! Happy for me. Obviously can’t say the same for you.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Helena snapped. “Of course I want you to be happy. But you don’t think these things through! And I don’t think this will make you happy! It’s like you’re doing this just to-”
Buck threw the back door open so loudly it hit the counter with a near deafening whack. “Helena!” Buck said, throwing on a grin. “Look at these! I’ve been growing them myself- they’re from Pepa’s garden! She gave me little starter plants and here! Smell this rosemary!” He held the rosemary so close to her face, Helena went a little cross eyed to look at it.
She snatched the herb from his hand, shooting a quick glare at Eddie. “It’s great, Buck,” she said, flatly. She pushed herself up from the table. “I’m going to go sit with your father.” She pushed the rosemary back at Buck’s hand and stalked out of the room.
“Jesus,” Eddie sighed. “Your timing is impeccable, man.”
“That is a sentence that has never been directed at me before,” Buck informed him.
The lines around Eddie’s eyes smoothed out and he smiled at Buck, canines showing and all.
Conversation during dinner was mostly held between Buck and Chris, talking about work and school, and what movie they were going to watch. Chris said he wanted to watch a classic and eventually after throwing a few titles back and forth they landed on Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Buck was in the living room, getting the movie up and he could faintly hear popcorn popping in the kitchen where Eddie and his father were. Helena was standing behind the couch, arms crossed over her chest, and Buck could feel her gaze on his neck, but he just hummed a mindless tune like he didn’t notice.
Chris plopped down on the couch, stretching out with a loud sigh. “Are we watching this or not!?” He called to his father and grandfather.
Leaning over, Buck poked Chris’s ear. “Patience, young one. Last time you rushed him, he burnt all the popcorn.”
Chris swatted at his hand and Buck sat in his normal spot in the right corner. Helena walked over and sat between the two, leaving just a smidgen of space between herself and Buck.
When the kitchen door swung open and Eddie walked in, holding the bowl of popcorn. He took a half step forward and paused, his gaze on his mother, then on Buck. A question was clear in his eyes and he only moved forward because Ramon cleared his throat behind him. Ramon sat on the arm chair and Eddie squared his shoulders. He plopped the bowl into Christopher’s lap and then squeezed himself between Buck and Helena.
Helena made a sound of annoyance, scooting closer to Christopher. Eddie settled down more and Buck felt warm all the way through his left side; completely pressed to Eddie from shoulder to toe.
Halfway through the movie, Eddie snagged a blanket over the back of the couch and smoothed it over the both of them. Buck felt his eyelids grow heavy as he watched Bob Hoskins attempt to saw himself free from Roger and then, under the blanket, Eddie’s thumb brushed his wrist bone. It swiped over the thin skin for a moment before the rest of his fingers slowly encircled his entire wrist. His thumb pressed into Buck’s palm.
Slowly, Buck turned his hand so it was facing upwards on his thigh. Eddie slid his fingers forward, so their fingerprints were pressed together. In the back of his mind, Buck wondered if they stayed like this long enough, if they’d have matching prints eventually. Then Eddie moved his hand slightly to the right and interlocked their fingers completely, his thumb stroking the side of Buck’s.
The blanket was draped down to the floor, so Buck moved slowly, hooking his ankle over Eddie’s. He gave his hand a squeeze. Eddie squeezed back three times.
~
“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asked softly.
Eddie was sitting on the edge of the pull out, staring at his phone in his hands that had gone dark a few minutes ago. He hummed a question.
“When I was outside, I could… sort of hear you and your mom,” Buck admitted. When Eddie stiffened, he quickly continued, “I couldn’t hear what you were talking about, but it sounded tense. Do you want to talk about it?”
Still not turning around, Eddie shook his head quickly and his phone dropped to his lap and he put his face in his hands. His breathing was shaky. Then he turned sharply, looking at Buck with wide eyes. “Buck,” he whispered.
Buck saw this look on Eddie’s face a lot. It was the expression he wore when he wanted something but didn’t know how to ask for it. Like when they went to the store together and Eddie wanted the cotton candy grapes instead of the generic green ones, but didn’t want to pay the eight dollar price difference.
This wasn’t grapes, but Buck still knew exactly what he needed.
Scooting into the pillow a bit so he was propped up, Buck held up one arm, “C’mere,” he said quietly.
Eddie kneed himself across the bed and- for lack of a better term- nearly collapsed on top of Buck entirely. He tucked his head under Buck’s chin, his ear resting right over Buck’s heart. He let out a trembling breath and his fingers curled into Buck’s shirt. It reminded Buck of Christopher- when he was small. During the tsunami when he’d held Chris close to him and Chris had curled up like he was trying to make himself as small as possible.
Buck wondered how old Eddie had been when his parents stopped offering affection. When it became a foreign concept; being held like this.
Slowly, Buck brought the arm that wasn’t supporting Eddie’s back up to cup the back of Eddie’s neck. He traced small patterns and he could feel the tension bleed out of Eddie’s body.
“I’ve got you,” Buck whispered into his hair.
A choked, ragged sound left Eddie and he nodded into Buck’s chest. “I know,” he whispered back.
~
“I thought we’d have enough,” Eddie said, hands on his hips as he looked at Buck.
“Well, if I do recall, you said that if you were wrong, you’d go back to the store. So…” Buck shrugged his shoulders, turning back to the Cajun chicken pasta he was making. “And grab some garlic bread too, yeah? The bakery kind, not the frozen kind.”
Rolling his eyes, Eddie gave a mock salute. “Heavy cream, garlic bread, and do you want me to get a gold bar while I’m out too?”
“If the price is reasonable,” Buck agreed.
A snort left Eddie and he glanced at his mother, who was sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through her phone. “Mom, you wanna go with me?”
Helena clicked off her phone and said, “No, I’ll stay here.”
Buck shot Eddie a look. Ramon had taken Christopher to a robotics meet and wouldn’t be back til right before dinner. It would leave just the two of them in the house.
“Oh.” Eddie’s mouth twisted up. “I could use the company,” he added. A last ditch effort.
“It’s just a quick trip,” Helena replied. “It’ll be fine.”
Translation? I want to talk to Buck alone.
Eddie looked back at Buck. Buck shrugged. If it was gonna happen, he’d rather have it happen now when Eddie would be back soon.
Eddie sighed, “Okay, I’ll be twenty minutes tops.” He gave his mom a tight smile and reached over, giving Buck’s arm three quick squeezes, and left.
With a deep breath, Buck hummed softly under his breath as he started prepping the chicken. He could feel Helena’s eyes on him the entire time. For a split second, he wondered if this was how Eddie grew up, feeling her judgment every time he turned his back. He wondered about Shannon, if she felt this presence the entire time Eddie was overseas. He wondered if Christopher had ever felt this. He hoped to god the answer was no.
He worked in silence for nearly ten minutes before he heard her start to drum her fingers on the table, over and over again.
“You’re different than the other times we’ve met,” she eventually said.
“Oh?” Buck offered, back still to her. “How so?”
“You’re more annoying now,” she said bluntly.
He couldn’t help it- he laughed. He went to the sink and washed his hands, shaking his head with a grin on his face. “Kind of the point,” he told her, glancing over his shoulder.
She blinked at him, then her face pinched up as she connected the dots, “You’ve been doing this on purpose?”
Buck dried his hands slowly on the kitchen towel and then slung it over his shoulder, leaning casually against the counter, arms over his chest. “I’ve been annoying my whole life. I’ve been big, and loud, and too much in the way the entirety of my thirty four years on this earth,” he told her.
“So, why-”
“Because I’d rather you be looking at me for something I know I am, than to have you look at Eddie for what you think he isn’t.” He couldn’t keep the disdain out of his voice and he knew it was probably plain as day on his face too. Maddie had told him from a young age that he had a glass face, incapable of lying about how he felt.
Judging from the look Helena was giving him, it was obviously true. They stared at each other, the only sound in the kitchen coming from their slow breathing and the soft click click click of Eddie’s outdated oven as it preheated.
“So, you’re like an attack dog,” she said, finally. She said it as an insult.
“I’ve been called worse. But if we’re going to get technical, I prefer the term guard dog.”
Her mouth twisted to the side, the same way Eddie’s did when he was starting to get upset. She drummed her fingers against the table again. “What exactly do you have to guard him from?”
Buck cocked his head to the side as if to say you know exactly what I’m guarding him from.
Helena’s gaze hardened. Her finger tapping stopped. “You two are very… close.”
For some reason, the way she said it, what she was implying, how bad she was making it sound, made Buck’s hackles raise. He pushed back on the counter and stood, fingers tightening on his forearms from where they rested still. “Are we giving our opinions on the other’s relationship with Eddie? Because I have a few thoughts I’d like to share.”
Helena rolled her eyes, “Oh, I’m sure Eddie has told you quite the story-”
“Told me?” Buck cut her off. “He didn’t have to tell me. I was here, in case you forgot. When you walked through his door and took his son.” He pointed through the kitchen wall at the front door. “Maybe you were too blinded by pure glee at finally getting what you wanted, but I was fucking here.”
“Glee?” Helena parroted. “You think we wanted to get a call from our grandson that his father had been cheating on his girlfriend with a carbon copy of his dead wife?”
“I think you wanted any excuse to bring Christopher back to El Paso,” Buck snapped back. “You’d been trying to do it since Eddie moved here- you can’t deny that. You separated them and refused to help fix it. Did you even want to?”
“Of course we-”
“No, see, Helena, I’m sorry, that’s bullshit. You can’t sit there and tell me that you tried to fix it when I know for a fact you didn’t. When I was on the phone with Eddie every night while he lived in El Paso and he was telling me about how he wasn’t allowed to go to the chess tournament or how he had to fight to be a part of his son’s life! It’s his son, Chris is his son!”
“Maybe he should’ve thought of his son before he went and started dating that woman,” Helena replied, voice short. “He didn’t think at all about how that would affect his son.”
“You know, my parents were so lost in their grief over my brother dying that they completely erased his existence. Not a speck of him anywhere while I was growing up. If you think that Eddie should’ve been able to see a spitting image of the wife he was trying to fix things with when she died and handle that in a normal way, you’re insane. You should’ve been here for your son.”
“Eddie was fine,” she said. “Every time we spoke, he was fine.”
Buck pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, taking a deep breath. He slowly blinked his eyes open to look at her, “If you thought he was fine, you clearly don’t know him at all. He was falling apart. He was like a shell of himself without Chris. And I know that, because once again, I was fucking here.”
“You always seem to be here, Buck,” she said. “Why is that?”
“I live here.”
“No, no, every time we come here, there you are!” She waved her hands at him. “Shannon dies? You’re at the funeral, getting Christopher food. Eddie’s shield ceremony? There you are, on crutches! Eddie gets shot? You move in to help them out! Christopher calls us to come get him? You’re here! We try to surprise our son and grandson and oh, there you are!”
“Because they’re my family!” he said, gesturing wildly around the kitchen. “Eddie and Chris are my family and of course I would be there for those things! That’s what you do for family!”
Helena stared at him, mouth set and shoulders squared. “You’re in love with him,” she said. “You’re in love with Eddie.”
Buck stepped back, his hips hitting the counter. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest and he could feel the familiar heat creep up his neck at her words. But he just swallowed and said, “And?”
A gasping laugh left her. “You aren’t even going to deny it?”
“Why would I want to deny it?”
She hit one hand down on the table and used the other to point at him. “I don’t know what you’ve whispered into his ear, but Eddie’s going to come to his senses and he’s not going to want you forever.”
That startled an incredulous laugh out of Buck. He rubbed his hands over his face. “You think I sit here and plot this? You think I’m, what, corrupting him or something? Eddie is my best friend. He is one of the most important people to me. I don’t care how he wants me, I just want to be a part of his life.”
“You think I don’t know that he thinks he feels the same for you?” she asked. “That he thinks that he wants you the way you want him?”
“Why does it matter?” he demanded. “If Eddie feels the same, and I really doubt that, he hasn’t said anything. We’ve lived together for months and he’s said nothing. And you’re saying it like… like I’m supposed to not want him? That we aren’t supposed to want each other? Helena, don’t you get it? How can you not get it? Eddie is- Eddie is…” Buck shook his head. “Being loved by him in any way is a goddamn privilege that I have never taken for granted.”
Helena opened her mouth to retort, but Buck cut her off again. “How can you not get it? How can you not want him to be loved? How can you look at the man you raised and not think he’s the most incredible person? You raised him! He’s everything anyone could ever want to be! He’s everything anyone could ever want! He’s kind, and selfless, and smart, and brave, and- and generous! He’s opened the door for me more times than I can count- more than I deserved! He’s the best person I’ve ever met and you still look at him like he’s supposed to be more. He can’t be more when he’s everything. Eddie is everything.” He sucked in a shaky breath, feeling tears pinprick his eyes. His chest was heaving and he looked away from her.
Once again, the only sound in the kitchen was their breathing- Buck’s more ragged than before- and the familiar and comforting click click click.
“I’m going to go for a walk,” Helena said, putting her hands on the table and standing. She headed for the back door and slammed the door shut behind her. It shook the pictures on the wall.
Slumping down like a puppet whose strings had been cut, Buck slumped into the counter, putting his face in his hands. What did he do? Eddie had specifically said not to do what he just did, to not try and fix things, and well- at least he’d done that. He didn’t fix anything, but he definitely fucked things up more for Eddie and Chris. The Evan Buckley Special- making things harder than they have to be.
He should go. He should go to Maddie’s. Let the Diaz family have their night together without Buck ruining it because that’s exactly what he had done. He straightened up and wiped at his face and headed for the kitchen door. He pushed it open, and yelped when he almost hit Eddie in the face.
A very shell shocked looking Eddie who held nothing but his wallet in his hand.
“Where’s the heavy cream?” Buck asked, voice caught up. “And-and the garlic bread?”
Eddie stared at him with wide eyes; brown eyes brimming with tears. He opened his mouth a few times but nothing was coming out. He looked away for a moment, swallowing thickly, and then he held up the wallet. “I-I got about five minutes out,” he said, voice hoarse. “Realized I forgot my wallet and came back.”
Buck felt his shoulders drop and he, now, stared back at Eddie. “So… you just heard-”
“You’ve never been annoying,” Eddie whispered.
“Everything,” Buck finished. “You heard all of that.”
Slowly, Eddie nodded, letting his hand with the wallet fall back to his side.
Inhaling feebly, Buck nodded, looking away- over at the TV that was playing some sort of reality show with the sound muted. “You weren’t supposed to hear it,” he whispered. “Not like that.”
“How…” Eddie said. “How was I supposed to hear it?”
“Not like that,” Buck croaked.
“All… all those outbursts,” Eddie whispered, taking a slow step forward. “All the dramatics, the… loudness. It was to keep her looking at you instead of me.”
Buck sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to keep it from trembling. “I can’t stand the way she looks at you,” he admitted in a whisper. “Either of them. Your dad is more subtle, but, Eddie, I can’t stand it.”
“She went for a walk?” Eddie asked, nodding towards the kitchen. “She only does that when she’s incredibly peeved. She’ll probably be gone for about an hour.”
“Yeah, I really pissed her off,” Buck said. “Sorry.”
Eddie exhaled a laugh, shaking his head. He threw his wallet on the table and looked at Buck. “Where… where were you going? You came out of the kitchen pretty fast, like you were determined.”
“Was gonna go to Maddie’s,” he said. “Give you and your family some space from me.”
“You promised you wouldn’t go. You promised, Buck.”
“I also promised to not mess things up,” Buck reminded him, feeling his eyes burn again. “And I broke that. You asked me to do one thing and I couldn’t even-”
“You think…” Eddie gestured to the kitchen. “You think you messed things up?”
“Eds, I just… I went off on your mom. I-I told her that I-”
“That you love me?” Eddie whispered and Buck looked away again, taking a few slow, measured breaths to calm down.
“She was right that I’m always here,” Buck said after a moment. “Always in the way. You deserve to have some time with your family-”
Taking two full steps forward, Eddie closed the distance between them and cupped Buck’s face in his warm hands. “You are my family,” he whispered. His thumbs gently brushed over his cheeks.
The tears slipped down his cheeks now. “Eddie-”
“You and Chris,” Eddie said, voice firm and sure. “You two are my family. Always. I didn’t just come back to the 118 and California, Buck, I came home to you. Knowing you were here, in our house, I knew it was the right call. Being without you in Texas was fucking hell. It was hell, Buck. You aren’t always in the way, you’re always with me because that’s exactly where I want you to be. It’s where you should be.”
Buck reached up, putting his hands on Eddie’s wrists. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you,” he breathed.
Eddie smiled softly, his eyes sparkling and Buck had never seen the twinkle so close. It nearly blinded him. “I know,” he whispered back. “I love you too.”
A little sob left Buck and he slid his hands up Eddie’s arm until his fingers locked around his neck. “I love you so much.”
“I know,” Eddie said again, a tear slipping down his own cheek. He guided Buck forward even more, until their lips were just barely brushing. “I know,” he repeated, finally, finally connecting their lips.
Gasping softly, Buck pressed closer to him, kissing him back. They stumbled into a wall and Eddie’s hands were now clenched in Buck’s curls. Buck crowded into Eddie, completely pressed together. The kiss was slightly salty and Buck didn’t know if it was his tears or Eddie’s.
“I love you,” Buck said between kisses, his thumb and index finger catching Eddie’s earlobe to tug gently. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Eddie whispered back. “So much.”
~
“You’re so pretty.”
“Buck-”
“No, seriously,” Buck curled his fingers around Eddie’s waist, tugging him even closer to his chest. He placed a few soft, sweet kisses to Eddie’s forehead and nose. “So pretty.”
He could feel the heat of Eddie’s flush even though he couldn’t see it in the dark living room. “How come you never told me before?” Eddie challenged.
“Mm, wasn’t sure you’d want to hear it.” He kissed his cupid’s bow, nuzzling their noses together. “But you are. You’ve always been so pretty.”
Eddie hummed quietly, cupping his hand over Buck’s cheek, thumb stroking the delicate skin. “I always want to hear you. No matter what it is.”
Letting his eyes flutter shut, Buck leaned forward, connecting their lips in a short kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you too. More, actually.”
Buck tucked his face against his best friend- boyfriend’s- neck. “Not possible,” he sighed. “Trust me.”
Eddie started to run his fingers through Buck’s hair, curling them around each individual strand to mimic the wave. “I trust you with my life, but I think you might be wrong on this one.”
“Mm, yell at my parents for me and then we can talk about who loves who more.”
“Okay, first off, you slightly raised your voice at my mother after she told you about how horrible I am as a person. And she called you annoying. You did not yell at my parents. Second off, every time your parents come to town, you won’t let me near them.”
“It’s for your own safety.”
“What about yours?”
“I’ve never been the smartest about my own safety.”
Eddie flicked his ear and Buck nipped at his collar in retaliation. “That’s the issue, Buckley,” Eddie muttered. “If you’re going to help me with my battles, you have to let me help you with yours. We’re a team.”
“Go team,” Buck mumbled, waving a hand around halfheartedly.
Eddie caught his hand and laced their fingers together before he let them both rest on his chest. His heartbeat was steady under Buck’s palm and he shut his eyes.
“You’re my best friend,” Eddie whispered. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah, Eds, I know.”
“But you’re also… you’re so much more than that. You’ve always had my back.”
“Promised, didn’t I?”
“Hmm?”
“Our first shift,” Buck said. “You said I could have your back any day.”
After a moment, Eddie said, “You remembered that?”
“You didn’t?” Buck lifted his head to send a weak glare his way. “Eddie, it’s our origin story.”
“Of course I remembered.” Eddie shook his head. “’Or you could have mine’, is what you said back. I took that very seriously.”
“Me too,” Buck whispered. “Like an oath or something.” He yawned, tucking his head back down.
“I’m a forever kind of commitment,” Eddie said, his voice teasing, but holding a warning. Like he was giving a Buck an out; an opportunity to leave before things got too messy, too intertwined.
But their lives had been tangled up since that first shift, when Buck was peacocking around the firehouse, while he was really thinking look at me, look at me, look at me, please, look at me. Since their fingers had brushed in the back of an ambulance as they saved their first life together, the first of many. Since the earthquake that had blocked Eddie’s truck and Buck had met Christopher. Since a bomb in a fire engine, a lawsuit, a gun wound, a lightning strike…
He would have denied it, that first day, but when he saw Eddie in the locker room, he knew he would be important. (“What do we need him for?” he’d asked. But the little voice in his head had answered his own question. ‘Everything’) He could see a golden string wrap around his index finger and form, reaching for Eddie until it encircled his hand too. Through everything, the golden thread had been there, keeping them close even when far apart. Sometimes, all those years ago, Buck would lay in bed in the loft, hand raised above him, twirling the invisible golden string between his fingertips and wonder if Eddie was ever doing the same.
As they were lying there, on this shitty pull out couch that Buck had spent some of the best nights of his life on, Eddie was twirling their fingers together, he knew that the golden string had been seen and loved by Eddie the whole time too.
All his life, Buck had felt untethered. Lost and drifting in the wind, over an ocean of uncertainty, alone for so long. Not connected to anyone or anything. But now? Whenever he felt himself drifting, he could look over and see Eddie, like a lighthouse, guiding him home. Warm and always there.
All he had ever wanted was something to commit to. All he had ever wanted was forever.
“I like forever kind of things,” Buck told him. “I think you’re worth a forever kind of thing.”
He felt Eddie’s lips against the top of his head as he let out a shaky breath. He pressed a gentle kiss to Buck’s forehead, then the tip of his nose, and then his lips.“I want a forever kind of thing with you,” he whispered.
Buck hummed softly, “That’s good. We have time.”
“So much time,” Eddie whispered. “A forever amount of time.”
Leaning forward, Buck pressed his face into Eddie’s neck. He looped his arm over his waist and tangled their legs together. He nuzzled forward until he could feel the melodic beat of Eddie’s pulse against his nose. All he could feel, see, or smell was Eddie. And he loved it. He loved being home. “I can’t wait,” Buck murmured.