Chapter Text
In a world where your soulmate can hear the songs you listen to, there were unspoken rules. One of those rules was that you don’t listen to the same song over and over again lest it drive your soulmate crazy. Clearly, Eddie’s soulmate didn’t know about that rule.
Eddie’s soulmate had a habit of listening to songs on repeat. Sometimes for days at a time. It drove Eddie crazy sometimes, but he wouldn’t give it up for anything. It was nice knowing that his soulmate was out there. Still, sometimes he wished he could ask them to just break up the repeats with other songs for the sake of his sanity.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t ask because he didn’t know who his soulmate was. They could be on the other side of the world for all he knew, though he doubted it. He had heard the echo that indicated you were listening to the same song as your soulmate twice before, both times while he was in LA. Plus, their schedules always seemed to line up. His soulmate almost never listened to music while he was at work, which was a relief. It would be pretty hard to focus on helping people if music was blaring in his head.
But the moment Eddie left the firehouse, the music would start. It was like his soulmate knew his schedule and waited until he finished work to start listening to music.
Eddie usually looked forward to the music when they’d put on a random playlist, but lately his soulmate had been listening to one song over and over again.
A song that Eddie didn’t know the name or artist of, but could recite every lyric to thanks to his soulmate.
It was a song about unrequited love and it was getting on Eddie’s nerves.
“Something on your mind over there, Eddie?” Hen prompted as they got ready to leave the station for the night. All heads turned towards Eddie.
“My soulmate should start listening to music any minute now, and I’m scared they’re going to listen to the same song on repeat again.” Eddie admitted.
“Ooh, got yourself a rule breaker, huh?” Chim teased with a grin.
“What do you mean ‘rule breaker’?” Buck asked, clearly confused. “Since when is there a rule against listening to the same song on repeat?”
“Since always.” Hen informed him.
“Yeah,” Chim backed her up. “Didn’t Maddie ever tell you that?”
“No, she only ever told me not to interrupt with my own songs when my soulmate is listening to music, and not to skip midway through a song,” Buck informed the group.
“Maddie told you not to skip songs?” Chim asked in alarm, and Buck nodded. “She never told me she doesn’t like that, but she must really hate it if she told you there was a rule against it, right?”
“I guess,” Buck shrugged.
“The no interruptions rule is real, but she made up the no skips rule.” Hen told Buck calmly. “The second rule is no repeats.”
“Really?” Buck asked. “Maddie used to play songs on repeat to help me calm down as a baby, and nowadays, I’ll find a song that I relate to and play it on repeat.”
“So, your poor soulmate is stuck listening to the same song on repeat too?” Ravi asked rhetorically.
“I guess.” Buck shrugged. He’d never really thought about if the songs would annoy his soulmate, he just enjoyed the music. He was thinking about it now.
“Take it from someone who’s soulmate does the same thing; Break it up with another song every now and again before they go crazy.” Eddie advised, hoping someone would tell his own soulmate the same thing.
“Okay, I’ll try that.” Buck promised with a nod. “Wait, but what if it annoys them more? What if it makes them think I’m moving on from the song, only to annoy them when I go back to it?”
“Why not just follow the rules and not listen to that song on repeat?” Hen suggested.
“Because this song speaks to my soul and I can’t stop listening to it. One day I’ll get sick of it but for now, it’s the anthem of my life and I can’t stop listening to it,” Buck explained, and Eddie wondered if his soulmate felt the same way about the song they constantly played. “Eddie be honest, how much does my soulmate hate me for this?”
“I can’t speak for them, but if they’re anything like me, they don’t hate you for it, they just wish they could tell you to cut it out sometimes.” Eddie assured him. “But I guess it depends on how often you do it. My soulmate can go months, once they even went a whole year, without repeating songs, it’s just every now and then that they get the urge.”
“See, I’m the same,” Buck smiled. “Most of the time, I just put on a random playlist, or listen to my soulmate’s music, but once in a while I just get hooked on a song.”
“So, what song are you hooked on now?” Chim asked.
“You wouldn’t have heard of it.” Buck told him.
“Try me,” Chim smirked.
“It’s by the band ‘I Prevail’.”
“Yeah, I’ve never heard of them.” Chim admitted.
“Thought so.” Buck smirked.
“So, Eddie, what song is your soulmate obsessed with?” Hen asked.
“I don’t know it, but I can recite every lyric, if you’d like.”
“Have you googled it?” Hen asked casually.
“No, I hear it enough through my soulmate.” Eddie chuckled. “The last thing I need is to listen to it on my own.”
“I’m not saying to listen to it, just look it up so you can ask your soulmate about it when you meet them.” Hen explained. “You can tell a lot about a person by what music they listen to.”
“My soulmate listens to every kind of music. Pop, rock, country, all kinds of metal, rap, reggae, latin, you name it, they’ve listened to it at least once.” Eddie told her. “What does that tell you about them?”
“That they’re adventurous and don’t like to limit themself,” Hen told him.
“Or they just like every type of music,” Buck chimed in, resisting the urge to admit that he and Eddie’s soulmate had another thing in common. They both listened to songs on repeat and listened to every genre of music.
“What kind of music do you listen to?” Ravi asked Buck.
“A bit of everything. Travelling around, I heard a lot of good music, so I like to mix it up.”
“What does your soulmate listen to?” Chimney asked.
“Mostly the radio, it doesn’t seem like they put playlists because there’s usually gaps between the songs. So, I can’t tell if they actually like what they listen to. And they don’t listen to music often, they usually let me pick what we listen to.” Buck answered. “Although, I do remember one time when they listened to the song ‘Old Time Rock & Roll’.” Eddie blinked at that but didn’t comment. It was a popular song and probably just a coincidence.
“Maybe they don’t like music,” Hen suggested.
“Who doesn’t like music?” Buck asked rhetorically. “Wait. Does Karen not like music? I never hear you talking about songs in your head.”
“Karen loves music, but I’ve known people who don’t.” Hen informed him. “And you never hear me talking about songs in my head because she knows it distracts me from work, so she never listens to music while I’m here. Most of the time, we listen to music together and enjoy the echo.”
“You like the echo? It drives Maddie and I crazy when we’re trying to sing karaoke.” Chim exclaimed. “It makes it so hard to stay on beat.”
“It’s comforting, it’s proof that we’re meant to be,” Hen smiled.
“I, for one, can’t wait to hear the echo again,” Buck declared. “I want to meet my soulmate.”
“You will some day, Buckaroo, you just have to be patient.” Hen told him.
Buck grumbled something about running out of patience, which made the others chuckle at him, but Eddie also gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder which was nice.
“Wait did you say ‘again’? When did you ever hear the echo?” Chim demanded, and all eyes were on Buck, who was mentally scolding himself for his slip.
“Buck?” Hen prompted.
“I’ve heard it twice. The last time was one night, a while ago. It lasted hours but there were so many people around, I couldn’t figure out who it was. Besides, I was with Tommy at the time, so I didn’t go around asking people if they heard it too. I still have no idea who my soulmate is.”
“You think it could be Tommy?” Hen asked. “You were seeing him at the time.”
“No, he wasn’t around when I heard it. Besides, we listened to music together and I didn’t hear it.”
“What about you two?” Chimney asked Eddie and Ravi. “You want to meet your soulmates? Or are you in the ‘don’t care’ category?”
“I want to meet my soulmate, even though they have terrible taste in music,” Ravi stated.
“Why? What kind of music do they listen to?” Buck asked.
“The kind with all the screaming.” Ravi grimaced. “I hate it.”
“Hey, I listen to that sometimes,” Buck told him, feigning offence. “There’s nothing wrong with a good scream every once in a while.”
“It’s all they listen to,” Ravi complained. “But still, I’d like to meet them and know what they’re really like.”
“What about you, Eddie?” Chim prompted.
“Chris is my priority, I’m not going to go out searching for my soulmate, but if I happen to meet them, we’ll see what happens.” Eddie told them bluntly. He wasn’t against the idea of his soulmate, he just wasn’t going to go out searching for them. He was content with what he had. Chris, Buck, his family, the 118, that was all he needed.
“Fair enough.”
After a little more small talk and goodbyes, the team parted ways for the night.
Eddie was in his truck and on the road for barely a minute when the music started.
A familiar guitar played and Eddie groaned.
‘I’m a ghost in your eyes.’ The familiar voice sang.
‘A shadow you can’t seem to recognise.
I have a thought of you for every star in the sky,
But I'm scared I'll never cross your mind.
Yeah, I'm scared.
Will our stars ever align?
Will two hearts beat in time?
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
Chasing love that can never be mine,
Maybe one day you'll realise,
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
My heart I surrender.’
As Eddie listened to the lyrics in his head, he thought of his soulmate, the reason he could hear the song, and wondered why they were so obsessed with it.
The only obvious reason was that they were in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way. If that was the case, Eddie didn’t know how to feel about it. He’d be a hypocrite if he was upset about the fact that his soulmate loved someone else when he himself had loved Shannon, and had deeply cared for Ana and Marisol, so it wasn’t that. But something about it was upsetting to him. Maybe it was because his soulmate was clearly pining over someone who didn’t feel the same way, and that would suck for anyone. If they were pining that hard, they could be at risk of Hanahaki Disease. That terrified Eddie. The thought of losing his soulmate before he ever met them.
‘And I can't count the times,
I stayed awake pretending you were mine.
Now I'm left here with this emptiness inside,
Oh, why can't I make you mine?
Will our stars ever align?
Will two hearts beat in time?
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
Chasing love that can never be mine,
Maybe one day you'll realise,
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
My heart I surrender.
Will our stars ever align?
Will two hearts beat in time?
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
Chasing love that can never be mine,
Maybe one day you'll realise.
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.’
The song came to an end, and Eddie expected it to repeat, but it didn’t. Instead, a different song he didn’t recognise played. Eddie sighed in relief and enjoyed the reprieve from the previous song.
Unfortunately, the second that song came to an end, that familiar guitar played again.
‘I’m a ghost in your eyes.’
Eddie sighed and contemplated turning on the radio to drown it out, but ultimately decided not to because that would be rude.
It became apparent on the drive home that his soulmate was breaking up the repeats with different songs in between, so at least he got a break every few minutes.
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The 118 were responding to a call at a club, where someone had knocked over and broke a glass, and somebody else fell on the shards.
The moment they walked in to hear the blaring music, Eddie heard an echo.
He froze. It couldn’t be.
“Does anybody else hear an echo to that music or is it just me?” Buck asked suddenly. Eddie looked at him, feeling an odd mix of relief and disappointment. If Buck heard it too, it meant his soulmate probably wasn’t there, it was just a problem with the speaker.
“I hear it too,” Eddie told him. “For a second, I thought my soulmate was here.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I don’t hear an echo.” Chimney told them.
“Me neither,” Hen declared.
“Nope, no echo.” Ravi confirmed.
“Seriously? You have to hear that. What are the chances that both of our soulmates are here?” Buck asked rhetorically.
“We can figure that out later, for now, we have a job to do.” Chimney stated, reminding them all of why they were there. So, Eddie and Buck ignored the echo and got to work.
It was easy for Eddie to focus on work because in all honesty it wasn’t the first time he’d heard the echo. He had heard it at May’s graduation party, then again at Chim’s bachelor party, but he ignored it at the time. He wasn’t ready to meet his soulmate then, and he still wasn’t now. They could wait, whoever they were.
What did have him distracted was the fact that Buck’s soulmate was apparently here too. Would Buck look for them when they were done with the patient? Or would he ignore it?
Buck always said he wanted to find his soulmate, so why would he let that chance pass him by now that he was single? And if Buck did find his soulmate, would he spend less time with Eddie and Chris?
Eddie didn’t want to think about that, so he focused on work instead.
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Buck couldn’t stop thinking about the echo he’d heard. Was it really because his soulmate and Eddie’s soulmate both happened to be at the club at the same time? Or did Eddie hear it too because they were soulmates? They were together the first two times he heard the echo too…
No, he couldn’t think like that.
Eddie is straight.
Buck knew Eddie was straight, so why did he go and fall in love with him?
It was when Eddie came back from Texas that Buck realised the depth of his feelings for his best friend. Before Buck could deny it to himself, to Maddie, and to Tommy, but when Eddie returned for good, it hit him like a ton of bricks.
He hadn’t told anyone yet, not even Maddie, but he let himself admit it. He was in love with Eddie, and Eddie would never love him the same way.
So, to cope, he listened to the same song about unrequited love on a loop. Well, since learning there was apparently a rule against that, he broke it up with other songs, but he still listened to it more than any other song. It was comforting to him. A reminder that he wasn’t the only person in the world to fall for someone who would never feel the same way.
He was trying to move on but it was harder than he thought it would be. He had devoted years of his life to Eddie and Chris, and now that they were back, he did it all over again.
He considered dating someone else in an attempt to move on, but decided against it. It wouldn’t be right to date someone else when he was so deeply in love with and devoted to Eddie.
He accepted Eddie’s every invite to come over, and when he was there, it felt like home. He was in love with Eddie, and loved Chris as his own son, they were his home.
His feelings for Eddie weren’t some stupid crush that would go away, it was real, true love. The kind that would never die, and might actually kill him if he wasn’t careful. He couldn’t move on yet, the best he could do was live with it while he tried. Apparently he’d been doing it without knowing for years, so it should be easy. Easier than moving on, at least.
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“Is your soulmate listening to music?” Chris asked as he and his dad watched TV.
“Yeah, how could you tell?” Eddie inquired.
“You put the subtitles on, you only do that when your soulmate is listening to music.” Chris replied casually.
“Do you want me to turn them off?” Eddie asked.
“No, I like them on.” Chris replied.
“Okay.”
“So, what song is your soulmate listening to?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s the same song they’ve been listening to for five days straight, only the last couple of days they’ve been playing it every other song.” Eddie informed his son.
“They listen to songs on repeat? Isn’t that against the rules?” Chris asked with a confused frown.
“Yeah, but I don’t think they know that. Buck didn’t until a few days ago, Maddie only ever taught him the no interruptions rule. Maybe my soulmate doesn’t know that rule either.” Eddie suggested casually.
“Does your soulmate ever interrupt your songs?” Chris asked.
“No, they seem to know that rule.” Eddie told him.
“Like Buck?”
“Yeah, like Buck.”
“Do you ever think Buck could be your soulmate?” Chris asked calmly, and Eddie choked on air. “I’ll take that as a no.”
“Why would you think that?” Eddie inquired with a confused frown.
“Well, it would make sense. You two are perfect for each other and he’s practically my other dad already. Have you ever heard the echo when he’s around?”
“I’ve heard it three times.” Eddie admitted.
“And was Buck there when you heard it?” Chris asked while sporting a small smirk like he already knew the answer.
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean he heard it too.” Eddie argued. Sure, he knew Buck heard it the third time, but he didn’t know if the first two times Buck heard it were at May’s graduation and the bachelor party or not.
“You could ask him.” Chris suggested like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Or play music the next time he comes over.”
“What if he’s not my soulmate?” Eddie prompted gently, not wanting to get his son’s hopes up.
“He’ll still be our Buck,” Chris stated confidently. “But I’m sure he’s your soulmate. You two just make sense.”
“You know that if we are soulmates, it’s platonic, right? Buck may be bi, but I’m straight.” Eddie reminded his son.
“Are you really, though?” Chris challenged calmly.
“Yes, I am.” Eddie replied confidently.
“Okay, dad,” Chris replied, still smirking to himself like he knew something Eddie didn’t.
“I am.” Eddie insisted.
“I said okay, dad.” Chris repeated, still smirking. “I believe you.”
“It doesn’t seem like you do.” Eddie pointed out with a frown. Chris just kept smirking.
“Let’s just watch TV, dad.”
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The next time Buck came over, Chris kept sending his dad pointed looks and Buck noticed.
“Okay, is there something going on here I should know about?” Buck asked Chris. “You’ve been shooting your dad weird looks all night.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Chris and Eddie answered at the same time, Eddie being the one to say no.
“Dad needs to talk to you about something.” Chris added like his dad hadn’t spoken. “It’s important.”
“Okay,” Buck replied slowly as he looked at Eddie. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“Chris has this idea in his head, is all.” Eddie told him. “If he’s right, it’s important, but he might be wrong.”
“I’m not wrong.” Chris declared with a smirk, and boy was Eddie getting sick of that smirk.
“Hey, mijo, can you give us a minute?” Eddie asked politely. “Maybe go to your room and listen to a song?”
“I want to be here to see for myself I was right,” Chris replied.
“We’ll tell you if you were right,” Eddie told him sternly. “I’m not having this conversation with an audience.”
“Fine.” Chris sighed in that way only a teenager could, like it was the biggest inconvenience in the world.
“Thank you,” Eddie called out as Chris got up, grabbed his crutches, and made his way to his room.
Once Chris was in his room, Eddie returned his attention to Buck and tried to figure out where to start.
“So, what’s going on? What does Chris think he’s right about?” Buck prompted when Eddie didn’t say anything fast enough for his liking.
“He thinks we’re platonic soulmates.” Eddie blurted out, and Buck’s eyes went wide. “I’ve heard the echo three times and every single time you were there. I know you’ve heard it three times too. That day on call, and twice before that. Were the first two times at May’s graduation and Chim’s bachelor party, by any chance?”
“Th-they were,” Buck admitted nervously. Could this really be happening? Could they really be soulmates? Sure, if they were, it was platonic for Eddie, but Buck would gladly take a platonic bond if it meant being Eddie’s soulmate. It would mean Eddie was his forever.
“Me too,” Eddie told him with a smile. “Wanna listen to a song and see if we hear the echo?”
“O-okay.”
Eddie picked up his phone off the coffee table and made quick work of pulling up a random song. The moment it started playing, Eddie heard the echo and looked to Buck to see his reaction.
“I hear it.” Buck whispered, barely audible. “Do you?”
“Yeah, I do.” Eddie confirmed. “I guess Chris was right.”
“He’ll be happy, right?” Buck asked nervously.
“Of course he will be, he already sees you as his second dad, this just proves to him that you’re not going to leave us.”
“Of course I’ll never leave you, even if we weren’t soulmates. Now that I know we’re soulmates, there’s no getting rid of me.” Buck vowed. “If you try, I’ll just play songs you hate at all hours of the day until you cave and talk to me again.” He threatened playfully.
“Hey, now when I get sick of you playing the same song on repeat, I can just text you and ask you to play something else.” Eddie realised.
“How do you feel about the current ‘every other song’ system? I’ve been trying to do better since you told me about the rule, I just-”
“You’re fine, Buck.” Eddie cut off his ramble calmly. “The every other song system is fine, but if you want to go back to just listening to the one song over and over, you can and I’ll tell you when I need the system again. Okay?”
“Are you sure?” Buck asked hopefully. He would force himself to stop if Eddie asked, but he liked repeating songs and it would be nice to keep doing so without guilt.
“Yes.” Eddie assured him with a kind smile.
“Thank you.” Buck smiled gratefully.
“Anything for my soulmate.” Eddie replied, surprising himself with how natural it felt to say. Buck was his soulmate.
“So, how do you feel about this echo?” Buck asked as the song Eddie put on continued to play. “Do you like it like Bobby and Athena, and Hen and Karen, or hate it like Maddie and Chim?”
“I like it,” Eddie admitted. “It’s nice.”
“Yeah, I like it too.” Buck smiled happily.
Before anything else could be said, they heard the sound of Chris’ crutches heading their way.
“Okay, my song is over. Did you talk?” Chris called out before he was even in the room.
“Must have been a short song,” Eddie called back.
“You never set a time limit on the song,” Chris defended as he walked into the living room to hear the quiet music. “You’re listening to music.”
“We are.” Buck confirmed.
“Do you hear the echo?” Chris asked with barely contained excitement.
“We do,” Eddie told him. “You were right, we’re platonic soulmates.”
“I never said platonic, but I’m just glad I was right,” Chris replied as he made his way to the sofa to reclaim his seat. “So, Buck, this means you can’t leave us now, right?”
“Oh, superman, I couldn’t leave you two whether your dad and I were soulmates or not. You’re stuck with me.” Buck told him as he sat down. “Come here.”
Chris set his crutches aside then turned and hugged Buck.
“You’ve gotta promise that you won’t leave us,” Chris stated as he hugged Buck tight.
“I promise, but you’ve got to promise you’ll never leave me either,” Buck replied without thinking, then immediately regretted it.
“I promise,” Chris vowed before Buck could attempt to take it back. “You don’t even have to ask.”
“Yes, he does, because we did leave him, mijo.” Eddie pointed out gently, then looked at Buck and vowed; “But we promise to never leave again.”
“When I went to Texas,” Chris realised in horror. “I didn’t just leave dad, I left you too.”
“It’s okay, buddy, I know you just-” Buck began to reassure him, only to be cut off by the teen.
“It’s not okay, Buck. I apologised to dad, but I never apologised to you. I’m sorry. But dad is right, I promise to never do it again.”
“That’s all I needed to hear.” Buck smiled.
“So, when are you going to tell everyone?” Chris asked.
“That’s a good point, I need to tell Maddie,” Buck declared then looked at Eddie. “I pinky promised her that I’d tell her as soon as I found my soulmate.”
“Then you better call her.” Eddie encouraged with a smile as the song on his phone came to an end. He quickly turned it off before another song could play, so Buck wouldn’t have a distraction as he spoke to his sister.
“Put it on speaker, I want to say hi,” Chris requested, and Buck obliged.
“Hey Maddie, you got a sec?” Buck asked when his sister answered. “You’re on speaker with me, Eddie, and Chris.”
The Diaz boys called out their hellos.
“Hi guys. Yeah, Buck, I just put the kids to bed, so your timing is perfect,” Maddie told him. “What’s going on?”
“I found my soulmate. Well, I learned he’s my soulmate, it turns out I’ve known him for a while, we just never listened to music together until recently.”
“Oh my god, is it Eddie?” She asked excitedly.
“Yeah, how’d you guess?”
“Well, it’s obviously him. You and he just have that bond.” She replied and he just knew she was sporting that teasing smile of hers.
“Yeah, I guess we do,” Buck replied as he smiled at Eddie. Eddie smiled back.
“So is it platonic or romantic?” Maddie asked casually.
“Platonic, obviously.” Buck replied.
“It’s not obvious,” Maddie told him bluntly. “It could easily go either way.”
“Eddie’s straight. Tell her, Eddie.”
“It’s true, despite what you and my son apparently think, I’m straight.” Eddie told her calmly.
“I said I believe you, dad.” Chris told him in the same tone as the last time.
“Yeah, but the way you said that makes it seem like you don’t believe him.” Buck chimed in to point out.
“Thank you!” Eddie exclaimed, relieved that Buck heard it too.
“I’m saying I believe you, if you don’t believe me, that’s your problem.”
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The third person they told about being soulmates was Chimney. As interim Captain, they needed him to know so they could sign the required paperwork to keep working together.
“Soulmates? You two?” Chim asked for confirmation.
“Yes.” Eddie confirmed with a nod.
“And is it romantic or platonic?” Chim asked.
“Why does everyone keep asking that?” Buck exclaimed in annoyance. “It’s obviously platonic, Eddie’s straight.”
“Perfect, that means I win the bet.” Chim told them happily.
“You bet on whether or not we were soulmates?” Eddie asked with a frown.
“No! No, no, we bet on whether your bond was platonic or romantic. We all already knew you were soulmates.” Chim corrected casually.
“For how long?” Buck asked. “Since the call at the club?”
“Well, that’s when we proved it was true, but we all knew way before that. We’ve had this bet going since before Bobby retired. He’s in on it.” Chim told them shamelessly.
“Are you kidding me?” Buck huffed.
“No, and you’re making me a very rich man, I was the only one who said platonic.” Chim announced proudly. “So, when are you telling the others?”
“Whenever we’re all together. So, probably when Bobby and Athena finish the build.” Eddie told him. They’d discussed it after telling Maddie and decided they wanted to make the announcement to the rest of the family in one go so nobody felt left out. “We’ll wait until they’re done and ask if it’s okay for us to make the announcement there.”
“You expect me to keep this a secret for that long?” Chim demanded with wide eyes. “I’m not sure I can do that. You guys know how bad I am at keeping secrets. Especially from your sister.” He told Buck.
“You can talk to Maddie about it, she knows. Just not anybody else yet. We don’t want anybody to feel left out, so we want to tell everyone together.” Buck replied.
“Okay, as long as I can talk to someone about this.” Chim sighed in relief.
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Telling the others happened sooner than expected.
Maddie decided to invite everyone over for dinner on their next day off.
And by everyone, Buck meant everyone. Bobby, Athena, May, Harry, Hen, Karen, Denny, Mara, Ravi, Eddie, Christopher, and even Eddie’s Tia Pepa. How they got her number, Buck had no idea.
It was crowded and lively, and everyone was having a good time.
“So, everyone is here,” Chim told Eddie and Buck as they worked together to set the dining table. “While we’re eating would be the perfect time to make a certain announcement.”
“Wait, is that why you and Maddie invited everyone over?” Buck asked, clearly amused.
“Yes, obviously! This secret is killing me, I need Hen to know.” Chimney admitted. “Do you have any idea how hard it is keeping a secret from your best friend?”
Buck and Eddie shared a look.
“Fine,” They said in unison.
“Thank you!”
“What are you thanking them for?” Hen asked as she walked over to the table.
“They swore me to secrecy on something, and once we’re ready to eat, they’re going to share that secret with everyone and release me from this hell.” Chim told her.
“I knew something was up! I told Karen you were avoiding me, but she thought it was all in my head.” Hen exclaimed. “Oh, I’ve got to go tell her I was right.”
With that, Hen marched away, leaving Eddie and Buck chuckling.
Soon the table was set, and everyone gathered around it to eat.
“Before we dig in, Buck and Eddie have an announcement to make.” Chim told everyone while sporting a bright smile.
All eyes turned to the aforementioned pair. Buck and Eddie looked at each other and shared a silent conversation, should they drag it out to tease Chimney? Or just blurt it out? Ultimately, they decided to be nice and just blurt it out.
“The other day, Eddie and I discovered that we’re soulmates.” Buck announced. Immediately Karen opened her mouth and Buck knew what she was going to ask and quickly added; “Platonic soulmates.”
The congratulations came immediately from everyone. Nobody seemed even a little surprised that they were soulmates, everyone agreed it just made sense. Buck liked that.
On the drive home to Eddie and Christopher’s house, Buck turned on the radio.
‘The cameras captured all of the glances
And all of the chances we missed
We raged and we spun for all of the dancers
The song as it lasted was bliss
But now the years have eaten
The songs we believed in
And nothing is left but the sound
Of six billion people ignoring the magic we found.’
“Ooh, this is catchy.” Buck commented as he turned the volume up.
‘Oh, but I hear your voice. It calls me like the night
It's singing in each syllable I write
Oh Eddie, baby, won't you come to my arms tonight?’ The voice on the radio sang, and Buck turned bright red.
‘I beg and plead you, please succumb to my charms tonight
I give my heart
But you take it, and you break it, and you tear it apart
Oh Eddie, baby, won't you come to my arms’
Buck silently turned the music back down to its previous volume.
“Hey, turn it back up, this is catchy!” Chris called out.
“Yeah, Buck, turn it back up.” Eddie teased with a grin.
Buck reluctantly turned the volume back up.
‘When hormones were raging
Whilst sweetly teenaging, we cackled at thoughts of decline
And every chord that the people
Ignored is preserved in my mind for all time
And while the years have clawed at us and tears
Have gnawed at us, the song in my head still resounds
And I hope that one day, dear friend, you will come around
Oh Eddie, baby, won't you come to my arms tonight?
I beg and plead you, please succumb to my charms tonight
I give my heart
But you take it, and you break it, and you tear it apart
Oh Eddie, baby, won't you come to my arms
So scream and shout. We're burning out like everyone
So face the crowd
Rage at thunderclouds. Just jump into the fire and run’
“Heh, that’s funny, since you’re a firefighter and all.” Chris commented.
‘Oh Eddie, baby, won't you come to my arms tonight?
I beg and plead you, please succumb to my charms tonight
I give my heart
But you take it, and you break it, and you tear it apart
Oh Eddie, baby, (won't you come to my arms)
Oh Eddie, baby, (won't you come to my arms)
Oh Eddie, baby, won't you come to my arms’
“That was Eddie, Baby by Felix Hagan & the Family-” The radio host announced and Buck committed the information to memory. Sure, he didn’t plan to listen to it again knowing Eddie would hear it, but it was a damn catchy song and deserved to be remembered. He was glad he hadn’t discovered it before they learned they were soulmates, or he probably would have played it on a loop, and that would have led to some uncomfortable questions.
“I like that song,” Chris declared innocently. “You should add it to your driving playlist, Buck, so we can listen to it when you take me to and pick me up from school.”
That was an idea, if he only listened to it when picking Chris up from school, he could blame it on the teenager.
“Sure thing, Superman, I’ll add it when I get home.”
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Eddie was trying to figure out the best way to ask Buck about the song he kept playing, but he couldn’t figure out how to bring it up.
‘Hey, Buck, I noticed that the song you keep playing is about unrequited love. Are you in love with somebody? If so, who is it?’ Yeah, that’d go over great.
Besides, Buck would tell him if he was in love with someone, right? After all, they were best friends and soulmates, why wouldn’t Buck tell him something as important as that?
‘Will our stars ever align?
Will two hearts beat in time?
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
Chasing love that can never be mine,
Maybe one day you'll realise,
These words you should always remember,
To you, my heart I surrender.
My heart I surrender.’
As much as he wanted to believe otherwise, it really seemed like Buck was in love with somebody based on the song.
Then Eddie went and looked up the band, and what he learned had him scared. He had to ask Buck about it, he just had to.
Which is how Eddie found himself at Buck’s door twenty minutes later. Chris was old enough to spend an hour alone, so Eddie left him at home.
He knocked on the door and waited. The music in his head came to a sudden stop and soon enough the door swung open.
“Eddie! Is everything okay?” Buck asked immediately.
“Yeah, everything is fine,” Eddie assured him. “I just wanted to ask you something and it didn’t feel right to ask over the phone.”
“Okay, well, come on in.” Buck invited as he stepped out of the way. Eddie made his way inside, and Buck closed and locked the door behind him. “You want a beer?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Eddie needed a beer to gather the nerve to ask Buck about the song and what it meant to him. He silently followed Buck to the kitchen and tried to build his nerves as he went.
Buck’s new place was nice and more accessible for Chris, but for some reason, Eddie didn’t like it. He tried to convince Buck to stay with him and Chris but Buck had insisted on giving them their space.
Eddie was drawn out of his musings by Buck handing him a beer. “Thanks.” He repeated as he uncapped the bottle. He took a swig, then turned and made his way to the living room. Buck was frowning in concern as he followed. Clearly whatever Eddie had to ask him was serious.
They sat side by side on the sofa and drank their beers in silence, Buck giving Eddie the time he needed to build his nerves.
“So, why that song?” Eddie eventually asked when his beer was half empty.
“What?” Buck asked dumbly.
“The song you keep repeating, what’s so special about it?” Eddie elaborated.
“‘My heart I surrender’ by I Prevail. I just really connect to it,” Buck told him, hoping Eddie would leave it at that but of course he didn’t.
“Because you’re in love?”
Buck wanted to lie, he had the ‘no’ in his throat, but the truth spilled out instead. He couldn’t lie to his soulmate.
“Yes.”
“Is it Tommy?” Eddie asked.
“No, it’s not Tommy.”
“Then who is it? Why haven’t you ever mentioned them?”
“It doesn’t matter who it is. They’re not into guys, so I don’t stand a chance.” Buck told him while fiddling with his beer bottle. “I’m trying to move on, I just need time.”
“And listening to a song that reminds you of your feelings is going to help with that?” Eddie asked incredulously.
“I know it sounds counter productive, but it really does help. It’s nice knowing I’m not alone in my feelings. Other people have dealt with it and they’re fine, so I-”
“Fine?” Eddie interjected with a scoff. “I looked up the band who sings that song, Buck. I know the lead singer left the band after contracting Hanahaki Disease. He eventually had the surgery, but he left it so late that the plants irreparably damaged his lungs and throat so bad it was dangerous for him to sing. How is that fine?”
“Wait, what? I knew the lead singer left the band but I never looked up why. I thought it was due to inter-band conflicts, so I never looked into it because I wanted to keep enjoying their music.” Buck explained.
“No, Buck, it was health issues due to Hanahaki. And that song you're obsessed with was the last song he wrote before getting the disease.” Eddie informed him.
“I don’t have Hanahaki, Eddie. I promise, if I did, I would tell you.” Buck assured his soulmate.
“But you could get it if you’re really that in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way,” Eddie pointed out with a frown.
“I think if I was going to get Hanahaki over this, it would have happened already. I have my feelings under control, and I will move on. The song is just helping me cope while I get there. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I always worry about you.” Eddie confessed between sips of his beer. “I love you. Chris loves you. If anything happened to you-”
“Nothing’s going to happen to me, Eddie. I’m fine, I promise.” Buck insisted.
“I guess I shouldn’t be too worried,” Eddie conceded. “After all, you said after that Hanahaki call a few years ago that you’ll get the surgery if it happens to you. I think your exact words were ‘If they don’t love you back, they’re not worth remembering’. Right?”
“Yes, and I stand by it.” Buck stated confidently. He truly believed that if he ever contracted Hanahaki, he would get the surgery. He just didn’t consider the fact that his answer might change if his love for Eddie caused the disease. He wasn’t intentionally lying to his best friend/soulmate, he thought he was telling the truth. “If I ever get Hanahaki, I’m getting the surgery.”
“Good.” Eddie nodded once, then took another sip of his beer.
“But I doubt it will come to that. I’ve got my feelings under control. I just need to learn to love them platonically.”
“I’m not sure that’s as easy as you think it is.” Eddie told him, letting his concern show as he looked at Buck. “It’s like trying to fall in love with someone you love platonically; nearly impossible. You can’t force feelings, you feel what you feel and that’s that.”
“I really think I can though,” Buck argued. “I know they’ll never be attracted to me, or fall in love with me, and I’m okay with it. I know they care about me, and that’s enough. They might even love me platonically, and that’s enough for me.” Sure there was no ‘might’, he knew Eddie loved him platonically because he just said it, but he couldn’t say that or it would give away that he was in love with Eddie. The ‘might’ was designed to throw Eddie off and it worked. “It doesn’t hurt, it feels right. I just need my heart to catch up with my brain.”
“Okay, if you’re sure…”
“I’m sure, Eddie. I’m not going to get Hanahaki over this.” Buck declared confidently.
“You better not.” Eddie warned teasingly. “So, tell me about this mysterious person.”
“I’d rather not,” Buck chuckled before taking a sip.
“Why not?”
“Because I want to move on from them, and talking about how amazing they are will only make me love them more.”
“Are they non-binary? Is that why you’re using they/them pronouns?”
“Maybe. Maybe they’re a lesbian woman. Maybe they’re a straight man. The most you’re getting out of me is that they’re not into guys.” Buck told him.
“Come on, I’m your best friend and your soulmate! If you can’t tell me, who can you tell?”
“Nobody. I’m never telling anyone about this, my plan was to silently move on and pretend it never happened. I’m only admitting this to you because you’re my best friend and soulmate, and I can’t lie to you.” Buck answered calmly. “I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to listen to my song and deal with it on my own.”
“Just promise you’ll talk to me if you can’t handle it on your own.” Eddie pleaded.
“I promise.” Buck vowed without hesitation.
About two days after their conversation about the song, Buck finally got sick of it and stopped listening to it.
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Two months later, on a seemingly ransom Tuesday, Buck awoke to a painful sensation in his throat.
He sat up in bed and began to cough. Coughing made the pain worse, but once he started, he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t breath, something was stuck in his throat and he couldn’t stop coughing. His eyes watered and stung. His chest hurt too. Every second was agony.
Then the thing in his throat finally shifted and came up. Another cough and his mouth was filled with something. He cupped his hands in front of his mouth and pushed the contents out. His coughs finally subsided and he opened his eyes.
His hands were filled with petals.
Oh.
Oh no.
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It was their 24 off so Buck went to the hospital for a chest x-ray to confirm what he already knew.
He had Hanahaki Disease. There were flowers growing in his lungs.
The doctor wanted to book him in for surgery as soon as possible, but that was when Buck had a revelation.
If he had the surgery, he would forget Eddie. He’d lose his soulmate. Sure, they’d still have the songs they shared, but they wouldn’t have anything else. Buck would have to leave the 118 to avoid the man he once loved and no longer remembered. He’d lose Chris too. After all, he couldn’t have Chris without Eddie. He would lose everything.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t forget Eddie.
He refused the surgery.
As soon as he left the hospital, he got in his jeep and put on the song ‘If I Die Young’ by The Band Perry, feeling angsty. The next few songs on the playlist he didn’t know, but they kept the somber mood going as he drove to Eddie’s house.
He pulled up beside Eddie’s truck and parked the jeep. He waited until the song he was listening to finished, then cut the engine. He sat there for a moment in silence, trying to gather his nerves. He had no idea how to tell Eddie he was going to die. Eddie would be mad at him for refusing treatment, that much was certain. Buck wasn’t sure he was ready to face it, but he had been in the hospital for a while, and they would have to pick Chris up from school in an hour. So, Buck forced himself out of his jeep and made his way to the door.
He got his key ready, then hesitated, pocketed his keys, and knocked on the door.
Eddie opened the door a few seconds later.
“Since when do you knock?” Eddie asked the moment he laid eyes on Buck.
“I know, but you might want your key back after what I’m about to tell you, so I figured I should get used to knocking.” Buck told him while shuffling his feet nervously.
“Sounds serious, you better come in,” Eddie invited and Buck eagerly stepped inside. If Eddie got mad enough, this could be the last time he’d be allowed in the Diaz house. “Does this have anything to do with why you were listening to sad songs all the way here?”
“It does.” Buck confirmed as he stepped inside and Eddie closed the door behind him. “And it is. Serious.”
“Serious enough you need a beer?” Eddie asked as they made their way to the living room.
“No, we’re picking Chris up in an hour. Or you are, you might not want me tagging along after this.”
“I’ll always want you around Buck, you’re my soulmate.” Eddie assured him as Buck flopped onto the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. Eddie didn’t sit down next to him, instead, he stood there and looked down at Buck. “What’s going on, Buck?”
“Can you sit down? This’ll be easier if you’re sitting down.” Buck requested somewhat awkwardly, like he felt guilty asking Eddie for such a simple thing, and Eddie didn’t like that.
He stepped over Buck’s legs to get to the other side of the couch and sat down, then looked at Buck.
“I haven’t seen you like this in a while. Talk to me.”
“I don’t want you to hate me,” Buck whispered while staring at his feet, unable to meet Eddie’s eyes.
“I could never hate you. I’ve never hated you, not even during the lawsuit, and I never will.” Eddie vowed.
“You might after this.”
“Why? What did you do?”
“I failed to move on. I have Hanahaki.” Buck told him without looking at him.
“It’s okay,” Eddie assured him. “You’ll get the surgery and-”
“That’s why you’re going to hate me, Eddie; I’m not getting the surgery.” Buck told him, finally looking away from his feet to look Eddie in the eyes. “I’m going to die.”
“W-what? Why the fuck would you not get the surgery?” Eddie demanded angrily as he shot to his feet. “You said, like, two months ago that you would.”
“I wasn’t thinking when you asked me that. I wasn’t thinking about who I’d be losing. It was an answer to a hypothetical question in my book, I never thought it’d get to this. I never thought I’d love them so much I’d die over it, but now that it’s real, I can’t give them up. I’d rather spend the next six months with the people I love, enjoying what little time I have left.”
“When did you find out?” Eddie asked angrily. “How long have you kept this from me?”
“I woke up choking on petals, went to the hospital for chest x-rays, then came straight here.”
“Okay, that explains it. You’re not thinking clearly, you’re still in shock,” Eddie decided as he sat down again. “In a few days, you’ll think about it again and get the surgery.”
“I’m not changing my mind about this, Eddie, I can’t forget them and go the rest of my life without them. They’re too important to me.” Buck told him passionately.
“What about me and Chris?” Eddie demanded. “Aren’t we important to you?”
“Of course you are, you’re the two most important people in my life.”
“Then stay alive for us.” Eddie begged. “We need you.”
“I’m sorry. But if I have the surgery, I’ll have to leave the 118, and I won’t be able to see you or Chris again. I can’t do that.” Buck told him, apologetic but firm at the same time.
“What? You wouldn’t lose us. Even if you did have to leave the 118, for whatever reason, Chris and I will stand by you.” Eddie promised. “Just get the surgery, forget all about them, and move on with your life. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“You don’t understand, Eddie. Unless I leave the 118 and cut all contact with everyone I know, I’ll just fall in love with them all over again. Having the surgery doesn’t just mean losing them, Eddie, it means losing everyone I love. Including you and Chris.” Buck explained sadly. “I can’t do that, I’d rather die loving them than live alone.”
“Who is it?” Eddie demanded to know angrily, his hands balled into fists.
“I can’t tell you.” Buck stated. “You’ll either hate me for loving them, or worse, you’ll never forgive them for not loving me that way, and I can’t have that.”
“Will you at least tell them how you feel?” Eddie asked desperately. “See if they could feel the same way.”
“I already told you, Eddie, they’re not into guys. They’d probably try to force themself in a desperate attempt to save me, but it wouldn’t work because they just can’t love me like that. I’d die feeling guilty that they forced themself to try for my sake, and they’d have to live with the guilt of not being able to save me. It wouldn’t be good for anybody involved, so I’m going to keep my mouth shut and just enjoy what I have with them while I still have it.” Buck told him sternly.
“You can’t just give up, Buck. Think about Chris! Do you really want to make him lose another parent?”
“No, of course I don’t, but he’ll lose me even if I have the surgery.” Buck pointed out.
“Why? Are you in love with him?” Eddie asked rhetorically, knowing it wasn’t the case.
“Ew, no, of course not. He’s a child and I love him like he’s my own child, Eddie.”
“Exactly, so your memories of him will be fine,” Eddie told him. “You won’t lose him.”
“But I will, if I have this surgery I’ll have to avoid everyone I know including him. It’s the only way to avoid falling in love again. I know it won’t make sense because you don’t know who it is, but trust me when I say there’s no way I can stay in contact with Chris without meeting this person at some point. All it will take is meeting them once and I’ll want to know them again, and I’ll be right back where I started.”
“Then we’ll all move somewhere new and start over. You, me, and Chris.” Eddie tried.
“That’s a nice thought, Eddie, but Chris has moved around enough. We need to keep him here, where he has family and friends to help him through it. Losing me is going to be hard on him, he’ll need this support network.” Buck stated, ignoring the urge to just confess the truth. That they couldn’t start over just the three of them because he was in love with Eddie.
“He needs you to stay alive.” Eddie argued.
“I know!” Buck exclaimed as he finally broke and started crying. “I don’t like this either Eddie, but if it’s between dying and spending the rest of my life without him and you, I’ll choose death every time. At least this way I get to spend time with you both until the end.”
“You can have more time with us if you just get the surgery.” Eddie tried, but it just made Buck cry harder. “So, what? Six months from now, you’ll just be gone and Chris and I will just have to live without you? How is that right?”
“It’s not right,” Buck sobbed. “It’s not fair at all, but you’ll lose me either way.”
“What am I going to tell Chris?”
“I’ll tell him,” Buck told him between sobs. “It’s only right he hears it from me that I don’t want to leave him. God, he’s going to be so upset. I want to tell him tonight, if it’s okay with you. I know he’ll probably need time before he’ll be ready to spend time with me once he knows, so I want to tell him sooner rather than later.”
“So, that’s your plan? To just pretend everything is fine until the flowers fill your lungs?”
“Yes, I just want to enjoy my last six months with the people I love.” Buck confirmed.
“Everyone is going to try to talk you into the surgery.” Eddie told him.
“I know, but nothing anybody says will change my mind.”
“Maybe Chris can,” Eddie stated. “He has you wrapped around his little finger.”
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Eddie had the tissues ready when they got back from the school run with Chris.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked as he eyed the box of tissues. “You guys were really quiet the whole way home.”
“You should sit down, mijo.” Eddie advised gently.
“Something is wrong, isn’t it?” Chris asked with a frown. He sat on the sofa anyway, setting his crutches down next to him.
“Yes, very wrong, but you can talk Buck into fixing it.” Eddie told him.
“Eddie, don’t put that on him,” Buck sighed. “Nothing can change my mind about this.”
“Change your mind about what? Are you leaving us?” Chris asked.
“Yes, he is.” Eddie stated angrily.
“I don’t have a choice, Chris. I’m dying.” Buck quickly explained.
“W-what? How?”
“I have Hanahaki Disease.” Buck told the teenager gently. “Do you know what that is?”
“Yes.” Chris replied shakily. He had recently learned about it in school, so he knew exactly what it meant for Buck.
“There’s a surgery he can get but he’s refusing it,” Eddie informed his son.
“But if he has the surgery, we’ll never be able to see him again!” Chris exclaimed in upset, then looked at Buck again. “I don’t want you to forget me.”
“I’m not going to forget, Superman.” Buck promised. “I’m not getting the surgery. Ever.”
“I’m too old for that nickname,” Chris complained.
“You’ll always be my Superman.” Buck told him with a smile. “And I’m going to spend the next six months making the most of what time I have left with you and your dad.”
“Chris, he won’t forget you if he has the surgery, he’ll only forget the person he’s in love with. Whoever that is.” Eddie told his son, confused as to why the teenager thought otherwise.
“Don’t you know?” Chris looked at Eddie like he was stupid.
“Nobody knows, Chris,” Buck stated confidently. “I haven’t told anybody except your dad that I’m even in love.”
“We all know who it is, Buck, everyone except him,” He pointed at his dad. “You’re not very good at hiding it.”
“No way. I’m great at hiding my feelings. You don’t know who it is.”
“Then how do I know that getting the surgery would affect your memories of me and dad too?” Chris challenged calmly.
“Okay, maybe you suspect, but you don’t know. And I’m never going to tell. I don’t want anybody to blame this person when I’m gone. It’s not their fault they can’t love me the way I love them.” Buck told him.
“Who is it, Chris?” Eddie asked. “I need to talk to them.”
“It’s not my place to tell you,” Chris told his dad calmly. “Besides, you’re not ready to know yet. You wouldn’t understand why he’s refusing surgery, but I do.”
“What happened to no more secrets?” Eddie demanded. “Buck will be dead in six months unless we do something! If we tell this person how Buck feels about them, maybe they’ll realise they feel the same way and cure him.”
“When they realise their feelings for him, they have to do it on their own. If we force it, Buck won’t believe it and the cure won’t work.” Chris replied confidently. “We need to let them discover their true feelings for him on their own.”
“Chris, Superman, I’m sorry but there are no ‘true feelings’ for them to discover.” Buck told the teenager gently. “They’re not into guys, which means I’m not an option for them. They’ll never love me like that. They love me like family though, and that’s enough for me.”
“If it was enough, you wouldn’t have Hanahaki.” Eddie huffed.
“Eddie, please.”
“I need a drink,” Eddie declared, then stomped towards the kitchen.
“He really does love you,” Chris whispered to Buck once Eddie was out of earshot.
“I know he does.” Buck replied calmly.
“No, I mean he’s in love with you too, he just doesn’t realise it yet.” Chris explained, still in a whisper.
“What do you mean ‘too’? I never said I was in love with your dad,” Buck tried in a whisper, but Chris saw right through him.
“You don’t have to say it. I won’t tell him. I meant what I said; he needs to figure it out on his own for you to believe it, I know that.”
“I’m not going to tell you who it is because I don’t want you to blame them when they can’t save me.” Buck told him, still in a whisper.
“If he doesn’t figure it out in time to save you, I will be upset with him and nothing you say will stop that. But I’ll forgive him for you, and I promise I won’t leave him again. We’ll need each other if we lose you.” Chris whispered.
“You will. I never want to be the cause of a rift between you and your dad.”
“You won’t be,” Chris assured him, then wrapped his arms around Buck. Buck returned the hug eagerly, wrapping Chris up in his arms. “Promise me we’ll spend as much time together in the next six months as possible, just in case.”
“I promise.”
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Telling Maddie was harder than telling Eddie. She screamed and cried when he told her that he was refusing surgery, which had Chim running into the kitchen in a panic. That was how Chimney learned about Buck’s Hanahaki.
“You have to get the surgery, Evan, I can’t lose another brother.” Maddie insisted through her tears.
“I’m sorry, Mads, but having the surgery means forgetting the people I love most in this world. I’d have to leave the 118, and give up everything. I can’t do it, I’d rather die than live without knowing them.”
“This isn’t hypothetical, Buck, you will die without the surgery!” Chim told him sharply.
“I know. I’ve made my choice.”
“Well, you made the wrong one! Eddie is not worth dying over!” Maddie yelled.
“I never said it was Eddie. I’m not telling anybody who it is.”
“We know it’s Eddie, don’t even try it.” Maddie glared. “Don’t you dare lie to me about this. I have a right to know why I’m losing my only living brother.”
Buck sighed heavily. “Am I really that obvious?” He asked softly.
“Yes.” Chim answered bluntly, earning him a nudge from Maddie.
“You’re not that obvious. Eddie doesn’t know.” Maddie told him carefully. “But those of us who know you and are watching from outside, we know. Bobby, Athena, Hen, Karen, Ravi, they all know too.”
“Nobody can tell Eddie. He’ll never forgive himself for not feeling the same way.” Buck stated sadly. “I can’t put him through that. Please don’t tell him.”
“While I really think you should tell him the truth and get the surgery, I won’t expose your feelings.” Maddie assured him. “It wouldn’t be right.”
“Thank you.”
“I still think you should get the surgery.” Maddie told him. “And I’m not going to stop telling you that.”
“Yeah, Eddie pretty much said the same thing. So far the only person on my side is Chris, he doesn’t want me to forget all the time we spent together just me, him and Eddie, and I don’t either. I can’t forget, Maddie. I can’t lose them. I don’t want to live without them.”
“And I don’t want to live without you!” Maddie retorted.
“None of us do,” Chimney added.
“I’m so sorry.” Buck apologised with tears in his eyes. “I don’t want to leave you all, but I don’t have a choice.”
“Yes, you do!”
“No, I don’t. I can’t forget Eddie and leave the 118. I wouldn’t be able to keep in contact with you because Chim is captain of the 118, and there’s a risk he’ll slip up and mention Eddie. I’d have to cut contact with all of you to avoid Eddie. I wouldn’t be able to see you, or watch Jee and Robbie grow up, and it would kill me. No matter where I ended up, I’d be so lonely without my family. I have to choose between dying in six months, surrounded by people I love, or living to be old and alone. I’ll choose love every time.”
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Buck found out firsthand that Eddie was right about everyone trying to talk him into the surgery, and Maddie was right that Bobby, Athena, Hen, Karen, and Ravi all knew who he was in love with. Pepa also knew if her sad, knowing glance at Eddie when she found out was anything to go by. He didn’t confirm it for them, but they knew. Eddie found it infuriating that he was the only one who didn’t know who Buck was in love with and begged them to tell him, but they all refused to tell him. It was incredibly frustrating for Eddie, but a huge relief for Buck.
Eddie and Maddie decided to team up three days after his diagnosis to talk him into the surgery, then yelled at him when he refused again.
Work was difficult for Buck because everyone was constantly checking on him to see if he was coughing up flowers. So far, he’d only been throwing them up in the mornings when he woke up, but the doctor told him that was normal for the first week or so, but as the disease progressed, he’d start coughing them up during the day, and probably cough up some blood along the way. He wasn’t looking forward to how much worse his teammates would be when he got to that stage.
Chris was the only one who treated him normally. Chris invited Buck over on his every day off and made the most of their time together. Eddie would avoid them by staying in his bedroom while they hung out in the living room. It stung a little, but Buck understood that Eddie needed time before he could find the strength to make the most of what time they had left together. He needed to get over his anger and accept that the end was coming, and Buck would give him time to do that.
“Hey, Eddie, can I take Chris to the aquarium today?” Buck asked on the first day of their 48 off.
There was a short pause, then Eddie’s voice came through the bedroom door. “Sure.”
“You want to come with us?” Buck asked, even though he already knew the answer.
“No.” Eddie replied, a hint of anger lacing his voice. He wasn’t ready to play pretend and act like Buck wasn’t dying.
“Okay, we’ll be back in a few hours.”
Eddie heard when they left, but still didn’t leave the bedroom, or even the bed itself. He was too depressed to move. Buck was dying. Buck, his best friend. Buck, his soulmate.
As if on cue, the music that proved they were soulmates began to play in his head.
‘The cameras captured all of the glances
And all of the chances we missed’
The familiar tune of ‘Eddie, baby’ played. It was always the first song to play when Buck and Chris were in the car together, obviously at Chris’ request because Buck never listened to it alone. He’d even skip it if it came on his playlist when Chris wasn’t with him.
Eddie groaned at the reminder of Buck. He didn’t want to think about Buck and his impending death, he just wanted to forget for a while. He wanted to think about Buck and forget that he was going to lose him in less than six months. Was that too much to ask?
Maybe if he had gone with them, he’d have a distraction that allowed him to do just that, but he couldn’t get himself out of bed. He couldn’t do anything but lie there, staring up at the ceiling, and listening to the music his soulmate and their son were listening to.
In the car, Chris and Buck were silently listening to ‘Eddie baby’ until Buck spoke up.
“So, how come you like this song so much? Is it ‘cause it has your dad’s name in it?” Buck asked curiously.
“No, that’s why you like it,” Chris retorted. “I think it’s catchy, but I don’t like it as much as you do.”
“Then why do you always ask to listen to it as soon as we get in the car?” Buck asked with a confused frown.
“Dad told me about how you like to repeat songs, and I know you’d want to repeat this one but won’t because you’re worried dad will figure out the truth. I figured listening to it every time we’re in the car would be the next best thing, since he’ll just think I want to listen to it.” Chris told him with a shrug. “If he asks, I’ll say it’s my favourite song or something.”
“Thank you. You’re a good friend, Chris.”
“I try.”