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"So close, just two more levels, then I have it", Jay murmured to no one in particular as he sat on the sofa, gaze fixed on the screen in front of him, controller in his hands as he tried and failed to achieve a new high score.
"Oh, still trying to get your high score back at Galamorph from Kai? The only game he has ever beaten you in?", asked a voice behind him. A voice he immediately recognizes as his best friend's voice.
"Of course! I need to uphold my reputation at being the best gamer in the monastery", he replied, still not looking away from the screen, trying to get through the level as fast as possible.
"You are definitely not the best gamer in the monastery, Jay. Remember that no one has ever beaten Lloyd's record in Fist2Fist? The one he scored when he was ten?", he teased him, which earned him a huff from Jay.
"Oh shut up you-", he began with no real bite, but he stopped talking, realizing.
This was his best friend he was talking to.
This was Cole he was talking to.
Cole, whom he hadn't seen since they all left the monastery to try and get their elemental powers back after they had lost them in the fight against the overlord.
"Cole!", he exclaimed happily, leaning his head back so he could look up at the man behind him. Cole grinned down at him, elbows on the back of the couch and his head placed on his palms.
"Took you long eno- ouff", he tried to say but got interrupted by Jay, who threw himself at Cole. Which was pretty uncomfortable, considering that Jay sat on the sofa and twisted himself weirdly to get his arms around Cole's body. And Cole hadn't had the time to respond, so he just stood there, trapped by Jay's grip.
"Aw man, missed you too, but this isn't comfortable", Cole chuckled, trying to wiggle his arms out of his best friend's grip.
Jay yelped as his best friend achieved that and now wrapped his arms around him to pick him up and drag him from the sofa.
"Hey! I told you to stop picking me up, I'm not a child!", he complained poutingly. He fidgeted weakly to try and get out of Cole's grip.
"You're small and pouty, I think that counts enough. And I know you love getting picked up, don't lie to me", Cole replied, laughing, before he sat the other man on the ground.
"Shut up", Jay said before he tackled his best friend into another hug, causing him to have to take a step back to steady himself. They both laughed at that.
"Never"
Cole chuckled before wrapping his arms tightly around his best friend, the other practically melting into the hug.
"You really missed me, huh?"
"It is so boring in the monastery without the others, I don't know what to do all day, honestly. Even the video games bore me out. You're the first one to finally return", Jay explained to him, exaggerating a bit.
Yes, it was kind of boring for Jay being more or less alone in the monastery, but he didn't hate it here. He just felt a bit lonely without the company of his friends and family.
"What, you can get bored by playing video games?", Cole teased him. "Who are you, and what did you do to Jay?"
"Oh shut up already"
"Make me"
"What...?"
"…"
The two stared at each other for a moment, Jay blinked, dumbfounded. It didn't take long for Cole to break down into laughter, the other man quickly joining in. He brought his hands to the shoulders of his best friend to steady himself so he wouldn't fall on the ground.
"Wanna sit down?", Jay asked him, after he recovered from laughing, still having a wide smile on his face and a bit out of breath.
Cole nodded and sat down on the sofa. Blue didn't hesitate for a moment before throwing himself into the cushions and curling himself up to his best friend.
Physical affection was more than usual for these two, they're practically glued to each other, both physically and emotionally. They took every opportunity to lean on the other, hugging, cuddling, patting, and being picked up - okay, Jay's the one to get picked up by Cole, but you get the point. They're close, like really close.
And Jay would lie if he said that he didn't enjoy that. He enjoyed it a lot. Maybe a lot more than he should with the warmth he immediately felt emerging inside him when Cole put his arm around him as soon as he cuddled up to Black.
"But seriously, is it so lonely here? I thought you and Nya went together on vacation, shouldn't they be here as well?", Cole asked him then.
"Oh, she spends a lot of time with Skylor recently. I think they're on a date with her right now"
He noticed the surprised look on Cole's face, which left him in confusion. Was it that surprising that these girls were totally into each other? Jay already noticed their closeness after Nya returned after merging with the sea. They were really close back then and even closer now after having enough time to go on dates because Nya didn't have to do any ninja duty right now, without any villains to deal with. For now.
"What?", he asked the taller man, slightly tilting his head. He definitely wanted the answer.
"I thought Kai and Skylor-", Cole began, his voice trailing off before finishing his question, but it was enough for Jay to get what he meant. The laughter emerging from Jay seemed to only confuse the other man more than he already was.
"Oh no, Skylor's a lesbian, that's why she has always rejected Kai. Or at least that's the main reason. I doubt they'd be together if Skylor wasn't a lesbian", Jay told him, snickering a bit.
Cole chuckled.
"Oh man, my gaydar isn't as good as I thought, I should've known. Now that you mention it, I can totally see it"
"You thought Vania was crushing on you, your gaydar is terrible", Jay replied, still laughing. "The most terrible of terrible, like more terrible than the gaydar of a straight person"
"How was I supposed to know she saw me as a gay idol?", he protested. "And my gaydar isn't that bad, I knew you were bi even before you knew yourself"
"Everyone knew I was bi before I knew, I thought we had that cleared out" , Jay retorted. Literally everyone knew it before him, and yeah, it was kind of an embarrassing fact for him, he would definitely use this fact as an argument to humiliate Cole's gaydar once more.
"In addition, you thought everyone in the monastery was cis and straight, and it turned out the only one who is is Sensei Wu", he teased the taller man more, who tried to shove him to the side. Jay fell with a yelp on the sofa and halfheartedly kicked at Black with his foot.
Cole only reacted with a soft chuckle, and he leaned back on the sofa. Jay squirmed to cuddle up to his best friend again, arms playfully crossed on his chest.
A few minutes passed without any of them saying something, simply sitting there in a comfortable silence.
"Jay?", Cole asked him, causing him to look up at the other man.
"Yeah?"
"How are you feeling with that?. I mean, Skylor and Nya being a thing?"
The care in his best friend's voice let a small smile appear on Jay's face as he leaned his head on Cole's chest to make himself more comfortable. He took a short while to think for himself about this question because it wasn't that easy of an answer for him.
"I'm genuinely happy for both of them", he replied then. "I think I still love her to some degree, but I know, and I'm sure we are better off as friends"
It was true. Jay loved Nya, and maybe he'd never stop loving them. The breakup they had some time before the whole Wojira thing happened was hard for him, for both of them, but as much as they loved and cared for each other, a relationship simply didn't feel right for them. They both felt more comfortable as friends.
It was a hard time, especially for Jay, because of course he had to see himself as the problem there, that he didn't give enough for the relationship, didn't do enough, and wasn't enough. But they had a lot of conversations about this, and Nya helped him a lot through his problems.
"She's happy as it is, and I am as well, so why change anything"
"That's nice. I'm glad that you both can be happy about how it turned out", Cole replied. Jay could swear there was a sad undertone in his best friend's voice, but he couldn't pinpoint the reason behind that, so he didn't question it.
Time passed again as they both sat there, cuddling and simply enjoying the company of each other.
That was until a question plopped into Jay's mind.
"Cole?", he said to get his best friend's attention.
"Yeah?"
"I just wondered, why did you fight with me over Nya back then?", he asked Black curiously. "I mean, you said yourself you're gay, so it wasn't because you had feelings for her. At least if I didn't get anything wrong"
"That whole thing? This was years ago, I thought we were over that", Cole replied. He seemed to be a bit embarrassed about the topic.
"I know, I know, I just wanted to ask. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But I'm really confused why you did that. I could understand if it was because you liked her, but yeah… you get what I mean?", he quickly said. Cole shifted a bit, hesitating.
"Yes, I get what you mean. It's just so long ago and kind of embarrassing to think about it now. I was really stupid, and I really wish I hadn't done the things I did. I was an idiot-"
"We all were idiots back then"
"True but still. I think it was because of the attention I got from here. I didn't know I was gay, and my dad being really homophobic back then, I hadn't considered it as an option. Not only that, but I had a lot of internalized homophobia, if I'm honest. So as Nya gave their appreciation and complimented me, I just thought that was my chance to be straight, my chance to be 'normal,' you know?", Cole explained to him, glancing at Jay to see if he was listening. Blue gave a small understanding nod.
"So I just assumed the admiration I felt for Nya was a crush or something like that. I don't know, I was so confused. Now I know they weren't"
Cole sighed a bit, bringing one hand up to run over his face. He really did look embarrassed by this whole thing.
"And that's why you fought with me over Nya?", Jay asked to clarify this.
"Yes", Black replied. "No"
"No?"
Jay looked at him with confusion written all over his face.
"Can I be honest with you, Jay?", Cole asked him then, slightly averting his gaze.
"Always"
"I didn't fight with you over Nya because I thought I had feelings for her. I did think that, don't get me wrong, but that wasn't the reason"
The confusion inside of Jay grew, but he listened to him without interrupting him. It seemed like this was hard enough for Cole to talk about, and even though he often tried to loosen conversations with his humor and some teasing, it wouldn't be a help here.
"I was really, like, really frustrated back then, mainly because you instantly assumed I would go behind your back, because you attacked me for what I thought was no reason and…", he paused with a sigh before continuing. "…and because I liked you"
There was a silence again, not completely weird or tense, but definitely not fully comfortable as well.
"You liked me? Like, in romantically liked me?", Jay asked him.
"No Jay, I liked you completely platonically", replied the other man sarcastically.
"Just wanted to make sure", Blue huffed, but not really annoyed by his best friend, more so surprised. "When did you figure that out?"
"After the whole Nindroid thing. I spent a lot of my time by myself, thinking, figuring myself out, and so on. That's the time I realized I'm gay and that I like-d you. I know it's weir-"
"It's not weird!", Jay protested by interrupting his best friend, which earned him a surprised look. He felt a blush creeping up his face, and now it was he who was averting his gaze from the other man.
"I mean, I'd be a hypocrite if I thought that was weird," he added with a sheepish smile.
"What do you mean by that?", Cole asked him, confused.
It seems like it was Jay's turn to confess some old feelings, and he was not a bit less embarrassed than his best friend.
"Imayhavehadacrushonyouaswell", he brought out in a rush. He didn't get an answer from Black. But that could be caused by him speaking too fast instead of what he said in general.
"What?"
Jay took a small breath before he repeated himself a bit slower than before.
"I had a crush on you as well. During the whole tournament thing with Chen, to be particular. I haven't said that I was more upset about losing you as a joke, I meant it"
"Oh"
"Don't oh me", Jay retorted and poked him in the side.
"I have every reason to oh you, you just confessed to me", Cole replied, poking back.
"You confessed first, idiot. And I didn't oh you or did I?", Blue defended himself. "And those were old feelings, or did you miss the 'during the whole tournament thing with Chen to be particular' part of my sentence?"
"I didn't miss that, but I also didn't miss the part where you blushed about the whole thing. I'm the only one with old feelings here", Cole replied, but the teasing tone in his voice told him that he didn't really mean it.
"Oh, yeah? I can't tell if you're blushing with your dark skin, so you can't prove your point, can you?"
"You're being racist now or what?", Cole teased back, to which Jay gave a mocking gasp.
"That's not what I meant with that, and you know it!", he retorted and began shoving Cole - as much as this was possible with him being this cuddled up to him, refusing to change his position.
"Do I?", Black questioned and shoved back, but in comparison to Jay, he was actually successful, and Blue fell on the couch again.
He was about to sit up but Cole leaned in to make himself comfortable on top of his best friend, laying his head now on the other man's chest.
Jay tried to wiggle himself out of this position but without any success.
"Jay, I'm back", came a familiar voice from the entrance of the monastery. They both looked up to see Nya coming in, she had a bag with her with the logo of Chen's Noodle Restaurant printed on it. Jay was now sure that they were on a date with Skylor.
"Oh Cole, you're back as well. Good to see you! You have to tell me about your time out of the monastery!", she said with a wide smile on her face as she discovered the larger man. "You weren't fighting again, guys, were you?", she then asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Yes!"
"No!"
She snickered a bit at their answers, then began crossing the room to the kitchen.
"I don't even want to know", she said and gave an amused sigh. "I brought you some food, Jay, you two can share it if you want. I would've brought you some as well if I'd known that you're back. I'll put it on the kitchen counter", they told them then, leaving the room.
"Thanks Nya!", Jay yelled after her with a smile on his face.
"Have fun guys", she yelled back before closing the door to their room.
They were alone again, and with that Jay continued to try to get out of his position, wiggling under Cole's larger body.
"What, aren't you comfortable down there? I thought you liked cuddling?", Cole replied, back in full teasing mode.
"I like cuddling, but yes, this isn't comfortable at all", he complained as he tried to shove Cole off of him.
"You're always lying on me, just wanted to try that myself", Black said with a smug grin.
"You're big and heavy, you don't get lying-on-top-of-others-rights"
With a defeated huff, he gave up his wiggling and tried to make himself somewhat comfortable under Cole.
"So you're calling me fat now?"
"I- What? I'm-", he spluttered, before he caught the teasing glint in Cole's eyes. "What if I am?", he replied with a grin.
"Then you're fat-shaming me", Black said, a mockingly accusing look on his face. "Hearing that from my best friend is really hurtful, you know?", he continued, but the corner of his mouth slightly twitched, betraying his accusation.
"As your best friend, I can say whatever I want about you", Jay declared, snickering.
"Who said I'm your best friend?"
"I- you- You said that yourself", he exclaimed with a halfhearted glare at his best friend, who grinned at him with a smug expression on his face. "Oh just shut up already! Stop messing with me!"
"Make me"
"What if I do?", Jay asked playfully, a grin plastered on his face.
"Wha-"
Jay didn't know where his confidence came from, he honestly didn't know, but as Cole began to speak, he quickly cut him off with a kiss - or more a little peck - on the lips.
He really did make him shut up.
Cole stared at him, eyes wide and completely speechless.
And then Jay realized what he did.
He kissed his best friend.
He kissed his best friend on the mouth.
His best friend, who had said just a few minutes ago that the feelings he had for Jay were old and therefore vanished.
Jay began panicking, and he tried again to wiggle himself out of Cole's grip, shoving the other man away and finally succeeding, now that he really wanted to get away because he was really uncomfortable. Both physically and emotionally.
He buried his face inside his hands so Cole couldn't see how red he was.
"I'm so so so sorry Cole", he began, completely panicking.
He didn't hear the quiet 'Jay' from the other man.
"I definitely shouldn't have done that. I'm so stupid. I just thought-"
"Jay"
"I don't know exactly what I thought, I really don't know. I just- I just- I don't know, I'm so dumb, you know I am an idiot? Another stupid move from me, really, so stupid", he continued, his voice getting a bit higher and even faster as he panicked, his breath getting faster and more shallow and his fingers grabbed almost harmfully into of his auburn curls.
"Jay"
"Yeah right, just some stupid move, stupid is me, I am stupid. Stupid, stupid Jay, stupid-"
"JAY!"
He got cut off by the raised voice of Cole, bigger hands on his own, softly releasing his fingers from his soft curls and then bringing them away from his face so it was no longer covered.
"Look at me", Black asked, but Jay only shook his head, not daring to look the other one in the eyes.
"Jay please, I'm not mad", Cole said, his voice softer than ever. He felt one of the hands releasing his, and instead he felt his chin being held, slowly pulling his face up, so he would look at his best friend.
Cole's actions were soft and hesitating, he could always pull back.
But he didn't.
"Breathe"
Jay hadn't noticed that his breath had quickened and now concentrated himself to gain a more natural breath pattern. He felt fingers intertwining with his own, and he hesitantly squeezed the other's hand. Cole squeezed back.
"Good", he praised him with a small smile.
Jay simply looked at him, still frightened from what he had done.
"I am not mad", Cole repeated himself now that Jay heard him.
Jay breathed in and out before he trusted himself to give an answer.
"You are not?", he asked, unsure.
"I am not", Black assured him, still smiling.
"Why?", Jay questioned, now confused. Why was Cole not mad? He kissed him! He kissed him just to shut him up! Without his consent! Cole had every right to be mad at him.
The small chuckle from Cole didn't help with his anxiety.
"Sorry", he murmured with an apologetic look. "You know what I said about my old feelings for you? They're not old, they're still present", he confessed, now averting his own gaze.
Okay.
Cole had feelings for him.
That was…
A lot.
"Why haven't you ever told me that? Doesn't it hurt to harbor this feeling without getting them reciprocated?", he asked his best friend, his voice now laced with worry for the other man.
"I was afraid of losing you again Jay", Cole said, now looking at him again.
Ghostly green and chocolate brown met stormy blue and yellowish hazel.
They really liked this similarity between them, both having different eye colors. Even though Jay had them since birth and Cole gained his from turning into a ghost and then human again.
"You wouldn't have lost me", Jay replied, tilting his head. "I mean, I had a crush on you as well"
"How was I supposed to know?", Cole shot back in frustration, causing Jay to tighten his grip around Cole's hand. "Sorry", Black murmured apologetically.
"It was so new back then, these feelings for you, being gay in general. I had a big fight with my dad because of it. Then I was turned into a ghost, which was a lot I had to deal with, and then Nya and you got together, I didn't want to get between you two again, I know how that ended the last time I did. As time went on, I learned to accept that we wouldn't be more than best friends. And I was fine with that. It was enough for me to have you in my life", he explained to him.
Jay nodded in understanding, now that he thought about it, it really made sense. A lot happened during that time, a lot happened to Cole.
"Have you ever thought about polyamory?", he asked Black then, driven by his curiosity. "I mean, I'm open for stuff like that, and I'm pretty sure Nya would've been as well", he added as an explanation. It was true, he didn't have anything against polyamorous relationship, he wouldn't mind being in one himself if the situation was given.
"Uh, not really, no", Cole confessed. "Like I said, I was new to the queer community, and I didn't want to mingle in your relationships again. At some point I didn't really give much thought to the possibility of a relationship with you. I'm really happy with being your best friend. Isn't it the same with you and Nya?", he was asked by Black. Jay tilted his head, considering this.
"Yeah, it kind of is", he agreed. "You mentioned you had a big fight with your dad? Have you talked about this with him since then? Or is he still…", his voice trailed off to the end of the question, not really wanting to accuse Cole's father of still being homophobic. The last time he met the man, he seemed fine, a lot better than how he behaved all those years ago during the talent show they participated in to have a chance to get the Blade Cup.
If he thought about that now, it was a long time ago. They were teenagers during the attack of the Great Devourer. Now they were young adults, the youngest of them being Lloyd, who will soon have his eighteenth birthday. He may be a young adult as well physically, but they only celebrated his real age.
"…homophobic?", Cole ended for him, tearing him out of his nostalgic thoughts. "No, not really. We talked a lot in the past few years, and he apologized to me for the bad thing he said about me, about queer people in general. He still says some inappropriate things, mostly because he doesn't know better. But as soon as I tell him that it's not okay to say something, he corrects himself. He's really trying"
Jay could see a proud expression emerging on Cole's face and couldn't help but smile a bit.
"I'm happy you and your dad are so close now. I couldn't ever imagine having problems with my parents. Yeah, they can be really humiliating if I'm honest, and they always try to dig out the most embarrassing childhood stories, and I wonder how they still have more, but I really love them. I couldn't imagine having any other parents but them"
The smile on his face was growing as he told about his parents, he felt how Cole squeezed his hand.
He didn't realize that he was still holding his best friend's hand. But he didn't mind either. It was comforting, it kind of felt just right, his small, pale hand held by the bigger, darker one.
It brought his thoughts back to the original topic, the whole confession thing from Cole. He only just realized properly that his best friend, the man he was sitting next to, the man who held his hand, their fingers intertwined, was in love with him.
"You're in love with me", Jay said his thoughts out loud, not really to Cole, more to himself. He got an answer regardless.
"I thought I made that clear", chuckled the other man, curiously looking at him as if he were waiting for where he was going.
Cole was in love with him. How could his gorgeous best friend be in love with him? This sweet, comforting, silly man who was his rock, the rock of the team, where they all felt safe, who had a big, comforting bear hug for every one of them - what did he see in him?
"Why?", he asked then, now directly at Black. He couldn't figure it out by himself. He was just… Jay.
"Why? Do you really ask why?", Black replied, his voice amused. But as soon as he saw Jay's somewhat confused expression, he got more serious. "I'm in love with you because you're the brightest person I've ever gotten to know. You're like an ever-shining sun, bright, warm. You always know the right words to make someone feel better, whether it's a joke to improve the mood or an earnest speech. I don't know anyone who's funnier than you. Your jokes may be the worst I've ever heard, but I love them regardless, I just love to spend my time with you. You're a bright light in my life. I never want to be shut out, never. Just you being here makes me so much happier"
Maybe Jay shouldn't have asked that because he could feel his face getting redder and redder with every word.
"And you're cute", Cole added, a lot quieter than before, but Jay only blushed more.
"Wh-What?!", he spluttered, staring bewildered at his best friend. "I'm not cute!", he exclaimed, a bit more composed but still red as a tomato. This seemed to make Cole a bit more confident.
"Oh, you definitely are cute. Your soft, curly hair, your adorable freckles, your bright smile, it's so cute. And I don't say it because I want to make fun of you, I really mean it", Black explained and Jay just wanted to bury himself in the ground or somewhere with how hot his face grew. But on the other hand, he didn't wanted to leave his best friend's side. No matter how embarrassed he felt at the moment, he felt comfortable, he felt safe.
He felt loved.
There was a soft, fluttering feeling in his stomach, a warmth in his chest.
"Oh just sh- stop it", he replied but without any real bite, more because he was embarrassed.
"Huh, not saying those words again?", Cole teased him lightly, Jay stuck his tongue out for a moment.
"No, I know where this word brought me last time!"
He kissed him the last time he said that.
There was a silence again. Jay was sure Cole wanted to reply something but didn't know how.
"So… I guess you don't want to go back there", Cole said slowly, hesitating, almost as he didn't really want to say this.
"I- I don't know if I'm honest", he said then, pausing. Cole looked at him, expecting him to elaborate.
Did he want to kiss Cole again?
He was sure he had feelings for his best friend during the tournament. But he honestly didn't know where these feelings went afterward. They were there during the ghost invasion, but then he had the vision of Nya and him, and all he could think about was her and his supposed future with her, which drowned all of his feelings for Cole.
But were this feelings still somewhere down there or did they vanish over time?
"I know I was in love with you", he explained slowly, still gathering his thoughts. "And I know I deeply care about you now. You were always the most important person in my life, always, I can't imagine my life without you. You're always there for me, you're my rock in the ocean, the person I can always rely on. It doesn't matter how much we fight over the dumbest things in the world, I love all these fights because they are with you, I love spending time with you, no matter how exactly. I just want to have you in my life", he confessed whatever exactly these feelings were for his best friend. It was love, for sure, but he didn't know what kind of love exactly.
"And I honestly don't know what I'm feeling right now. I feel a lot for you, a lot of positive things, and one of these things is some kind of love, and I know you're important to me", he continued his mix of telling Cole how he felt and figuring it out himself while doing it, slowly getting to the point he wanted to get to. "So, if you're willing to try and deal with all of this-", he pointed with his free hand at himself, "-I would really like to be in a relationship with you"
That was it.
He said it.
And as soon as he said it, he knew it was what he wanted.
He wanted to be with Cole.
But did Cole want to be with him?
Probably not.
He looked at his best friend, and judging by his genuinely surprised expression, he was right.
Cole didn't want to be with him.
"But I would totally be fine if nothing changes. I love being your best friend, and I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me. Nya didn't want to, which I totally get, and-"
"Jay!", he got interrupted by Cole, slightly flinching.
Their gazes met, and Jay couldn't help but stare into the chocolate and green of Cole's eyes, which were filled with so much warmth and adoration. He felt his heart flutter again.
He felt his free hand being taken by Cole's, now holding both of his hands, squeezing them softly and reassuringly.
"I do want to be in a relationship with you. I do want you to be my boyfriend, my partner. I want to go on dates with you, show everyone how much I love and adore you. And I don't want to hear any other word of you talking yourself down, I don't want to hear you think that you're a bad boyfriend or not good enough or anything. I want to be with you, with every flaw and quirk you may have, you are enough. And even if this doesn't work out, it's fine. Then we're back at being best friends again or something in-between, I don't care as long as I have you in my life, as long as I still can be part of your life", Cole said, his voice serious but holding a warmth in it. "I'm in love with you, Jay, with every part of you. I love you"
Jay continued staring at him, his mouth slightly agape, lost in his beautiful eyes, lost in his beautiful voice.
It took a moment for him to realize that he had to reply to him, that he had to answer something. He definitely wanted to, but it was kind of hard finding the right words to answer. Cole was so sweet, so caring, and so loving to him, and he couldn't really figure out what to reply.
"I-", he began but shut himself up, taking a few more seconds to get himself together. "I love you too", he replied then. He was about to add something, to repeat himself once more with explaining that he was confused about his feelings, that he knew he loved Cole but he didn't know in which way, but he didn't.
It was enough.
Cole had said it himself, he were enough, he wanted to be in a relationship with him, despite him being… yeah, him.
So maybe that was enough. Maybe it was enough knowing that he knew he loved Cole even though he wasn't completely sure which kind of love this was.
Because it felt right saying it.
It felt so right saying it to the man he was staring at, the man he was holding hands with. The man he knew for years, he was so close to for years. It just felt right.
"Can I kiss you?", Jay asked then, a bit shy about this question. But his best friend (boyfriend?) smiled softly at him.
"Yes"
With that he closed the gap between them, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. Jay immediately melted into the kiss, his skin prickling, and he couldn't help but smile into the kiss. It didn't last for long, it was a short but sweet kiss, but it was enough.
They both leaned back a bit, their foreheads touching, looking each other in the eyes, wide smiles on their faces. Cole brought up one hand to brush some of Jay's curls from his face, then softly caressed his cheek.
"So, I guess we're boyfriends now?", Cole asked him, seemingly wanting to clarify this thing.
"Yes boulder-brain, we're boyfriends now", he said, a small giggle escaping his mouth.
"Just wanted to make sure, Bluebell", Black replied.
The nickname made him blush a bit. It wasn't a new nickname, they called each other nicknames all the time. They had a big variety of nicknames for each other, but it was new hearing this name in such a soft and loving tone.
They stayed like this for a bit before Jay shifted to cuddle himself up to Cole again. He couldn't suppress a yawn.
"Tired already?", Cole asked him with a chuckle. He first wanted to give some denying remark to that but then decided to just nod, another yawn escaped him.
"Maybe we should go to sleep. I'm tired too, the travel back here was exhausting", he confessed.
"Wanna stay here, it's comfy", Jay complained, snuggling up closer to his now boyfriend.
"Won't be comfy sleeping here", Black replied, chuckling. "How about I carry you to bed and we continue cuddling there? If you're fine with that?", he then offered Blue.
It wouldn't be the first time the two of them slept together in a bed, it wouldn't even be the first time they fell asleep cuddling with each other. They did it a lot of times, sometimes because one of them needed comfort, sometimes just because they wanted to.
"Mh, fine", Jay agreed.
He felt Cole's strong arms wrapping under his back and knees so he could pick the other man up into a bridal carry. Jay leaned his head into Cole's chest, his eyes slowly closing due to him feeling tired and comfortable and safe.
He must've fallen asleep for a short while, the next thing he felt was being put down on a soft mattress. He blinked a bit and realized he was brought into his own room, colored in a light pastel blue, fairy lights shining a soft light around the room, and he could make out the faint glow of the stars plastered onto the ceiling.
Then he looked at Cole, who was about to leave the room. He was confused.
"Where ya going?", he asked him sleepily, reaching out with one hand to the other man. He didn't want him to go, he wanted to cuddle!
"I wanted to change my clothes real quick. It's not that nice sleeping in the clothes you had to climb this horrendous stairs with", Cole explained to him. "I'll be back, promise"
Satisfied with that answer, he let Cole leave. He sat up to grab some sleeping clothes lying on the floor next to the bed to change into because even though he didn't leave the monastery today, he didn't want to sleep in the clothes he wore all day.
Cole came back a few moments later, wearing some comfortable, baggy clothes in a plain black color. Jay moved a bit on his bed so Cole could join him there. As soon as Black lay down, Jay cuddled up to him again. He used his free arm to wrap it around Cole - the other already occupied, holding Mr. Cuddlywomp. He nuzzled his face into Cole's chest, making himself comfortable as the other wrapped his arms around the smaller man.
"Goodnight Bluebird"
"Goodnight Pebble"
He felt the small kiss pressed against his curls before he drifted into probably the best sleep he had ever gotten, feeling safe and loved in the soft hold of the man he loved.