Chapter Text
Kelsier hated it here in the Happy Home. Too many rules, too many laws, too much safety.
Safety. He hated that word. There was no such thing as safety in the cosmere, no matter how hard you searched. Everybody who said their home was safe was either stupid or lying.
The Caretaker had told Kelsier to meet one of the new kids, Kaladin, in the courtyard in the morning. Apparently, Kell needed something called therapy. Whatever that was.
Kell had awoken early, so he’d been able to sneak past the kandra chaperones and made his way into the courtyard by two in the morning. Instead of regular greenery, the courtyard’s floor had purplish-blue soil with luminescent cyan grass growing on it. In the distance Kelsier could hear some unknown kind of spren buzzing like crickets. It was a nice, peaceful place for sitting and thinking.
Kell sat perched atop a stone gargoyle carved on top of a fountain. Now and then he could see little anticipationspren waddling around the place as he waited for Kaladin to show up.
In the darkness of the early Shadesmar morning he saw a small, hooded figure approaching wearing a billowing brown cloak. Sazed had never told him Kaladin would be this short.
Wait. What was that?
Kelsier felt a sort of link towards the approaching figure. Not any regular link. It was probably a Connection. The one that Jasnah was always studying about. It felt supernatural, maybe spiritual. As the figure came closer, it became stronger.
“You,” Kell said in a hoarse voice. “Do I know you?”
The figure stopped and tilted its head in confusion. It took off its hood to reveal that it was a girl. Definitely not Kaladin. “You’re familiar,” she said. “I don’t know if you know me, but I definitely used to know you.”
Kelsier rubbed his chin. “So you remember things now and then too?”
“Of course. Uncle Saze says it’s normal for us.”
“Uncle Saze? What are you, nine years old?”
Suddenly there came the sound of the gateway to the courtyard creaking open. A tall, lean kid around Kell’s age walked through, almost without making a noise at all. “She actually is,” he said while yawning magnificently. “Nine years old, I mean.”
Kelsier flinched, then cursed. He really needed to work on that. He couldn’t afford to flinch every time somebody snuck up on him. “You’re Kaladin?” he asked.
“Unfortunately,” Kaladin replied. “Sometimes I wish I were anybody else.”
“I thought you were going to be the one helping me, not the other way around.”
“I think Sazed meant this as a way for both of us to help each other,” Kaladin said. The girl gestured for him to stoop down. He bent downwards so that he and she were able to mysteriously whisper in each other’s ears for a second.
Eventually, Kaladin nodded to her, then stood straight again. “She says she’s bored out of her mind,” he told Kell. “She wants to stay here. Is that alright?”
“Fine by me,” Kell responded. “Well, then. Let’s get this party started.”
Kaladin just sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah. First question. How do you like it here in the Happy Home?”
“I hate it,” Kell said. “Terrible place. I wish I were literally anywhere else.”
Kaladin tossed his companion a notepad and pen. “Could you please jot this stuff down?”
She didn’t reply. She just nodded and tried to fix her hair, but failed. “Tell me more,” Kaladin said to Kelsier as he scooted over and fixed the girl’s hair for her.
Kelsier rested his elbow on the wing of the gargoyle. “I see cracks, Kaladin. Cracks everywhere. There’s something wrong with everything, you know? And nowadays I feel like I’m the only one who cares about that. Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one who can fix it. But I know that’s egotistical.”
Kaladin nodded as his friend scribbled away on the notepad. “Cracks? Like what?”
“I don’t buy this,” he replied. “This place. You get me?”
Kaladin gave him a look of confusion.
“I don’t believe it,” Kell continued. “This place isn’t safe. I’m sure it isn’t as happy as it seems either. There has to be something below the surface, something Sazed and Hoid and all the others are hiding.”
Kaladin seemed to nod a bit and look away, considering Kell’s words. “I know this is off-topic, Kelsier, but I’m just curious. How much sleep do you get normally?”
“Sleep?”
“Yeah,” Kaladin replied. “Sleep. The stuff humans do when they’re tired?”
“That’s just— I just don’t really do that much.”
“What?”
“Sleep is just not something I do. It’s not my cup of tea.”
The girl stopped writing. She and Kaladin both looked towards Kell in disbelief. “That’s… not physically possible,” Kaladin said. “I heard people can’t stay awake for more than two weeks without dying.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I rest. Just with my eyes open.”
Kaladin breathed, apparently thinking deeply about what to say next. “Maybe we should work on that, then,” he said. “Why don’t you let yourself sleep?”
“Can’t afford to,” Kelsier replied instantly. “People could come out from anywhere, you know? Anybody could hurt me. I don’t want to die in my sleep. I don’t want to get caught with my guard down.”
“Well,” Kaladin said, “can I tell you my honest thoughts?”
“Sure.”
“I think that if you keep like this, you’ll burn yourself out. I know, because I’ve tried to do something like this before. You just get too tired to care after a while. I’ve found it better to just… take things easy once in a while. Especially in a place like this, which I believe is safe. I know you don’t think it’s safe here, but maybe pretending that it is could ease you out a bit.”
Kelsier hung his head down tiredly and ran his head through his hair. “I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe it could be fun to pretend that it’s safe here. Yeah. I’ll try it.”
Kaladin’s friend stopped writing for a second to catch her breath. “You really don’t have to do this if you’re tired,” Kaladin said worriedly.
“Nah,” she replied. “This is actually kind of fun.”
“Alright then,” Kaladin said, then turned back to Kelsier. As soon as he opened his mouth, however, she stopped writing and started to speak again.
“Could I… say something? It’s been eating away at me for a while.”
“Sure,” both Kaladin and Kelsier said, turning towards her.
“A wise person once told me that anybody could betray me,” she said solemnly, as if she’d had it memorized. “I think it was my big brother, but I’m not sure. Anyways, according to him, the best strategy would be to betray other people first.”
Kaladin thought about that for a second, then his eyes widened in slight horror. “I don’t think you should trust that person anymore,” he said. “Trust and love are what the world’s made of. You can’t just… live life betraying people one after the other.”
Kelsier snickered.
Kaladin turned his head towards Kell and said, “What? You think I’m wrong?”
“No,” he replied. “No, I just got reminded of something. I think I… trusted someone too much. A long time ago. I loved her a lot. And she betrayed me, I’m pretty sure.”
“So what did you do?” The girl asked.
“Kept loving her,” Kell said. “I just kept on loving her. For some reason, I didn’t hate her. Maybe I didn’t believe it. Maybe I’d already forgiven her. The point is, I didn’t betray her back, and I’m still here in one piece. I think that’s proof enough that betraying people back might not be such a good idea. It starts a cycle that keeps on going and stops you from making friends. And friends are eternal. You die without friends, you know? Humans aren’t meant to stay alone.”
She nodded. “That’s really weird. But I…” she breathed deeply. “I guess I’ll trust you on this. You seem like a good person.”
Kaladin smiled a bit, then turned back to Kelsier. “Alright. So-“
“Wait. How do you cope with it all?” Kell interrupted.
“Huh?”
“Don’t act dumb,” he continued. “I know that below that veneer of happy-go-luckiness you’re just as much of a mess as I am. I just know that something hurt you a long time ago. I can tell in your eyes, in the way you hold yourself. That sorta thousand-yard stare. So how do you cope?”
Kaladin began to breathe deeply again. “I’m not really sure,” he said. “I’m just tumbling on through life. I like protecting others. It’s my calling. It makes me feel nice. It feels like what I was born to do.”
Kelsier grinned. “I guess I can believe that. It seems honest enough.” He coughed. “Alright, now tell me about what hurt you.”
“I don’t really want to open up,” Kaladin said slowly. “Yeah, I… I just can’t do this right now. Sorry.”
Kell waited a second before speaking. “Do you think you’re a hero, Kaladin?”
“I don’t know. I really hope I am.”
“Well, you might be, but you’re also a rusting PUSSY. Because the best heroes aren’t afraid to face their emotions!”
“I-“ Kaladin started. “What are you storming on about? I thought you said you don’t like to let your guard down. Why should I?”
“I meant that in the literal sense. I always go around with a few weapons on me, so that nobody catches me with my physical guard down. But I think it’s totally fine to let your emotional guard down around your friends!” He breathed a bit, then said in a cooler voice, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that at all. I just think it’s unfair that you’re getting me to open up, but you refuse to open up yourself.”
“Look, Kelsier. I’m really sorry. But I’m sure that if I start talking about that stuff, I’ll cry. And I’d really prefer to start off the day without crying, if that’s possible.“
“So what if you cry?” Kelsier replied. “You said this was meant for us both to help each other. Come on, Kaladin. You have to let someone else help you, too.”
Kelsier and the girl both looked at Kaladin expectantly. Eventually, he sighed and began to speak. “Yeah, I remember things,” he said. “Just like you two probably do as well. I remember new things almost every few days. Sazed says that sort of stuff is common here. But I guess what I forgot was really, really sad. Almost every memory I remember brings tears out of my eyes.”
Kell remained still as the girl started furiously jotting down on the notepad again. “That’s rough. What was the last thing you remembered?”
Kaladin remained still for a few moments. “My brother,” he slowly forced out. “My little brother. He’s gone, but until yesterday, I didn’t exactly remember where he went. Till then I kept telling myself he must have left, moved away somewhere. But last night I dreamed about the day he died.”
Kelsier gulped. Maybe bullying Kaladin into opening up had been a bad idea. But deep down he wanted to listen to Kaladin just like Kaladin had listened to him. “That’s terrible. I think it’s incredible how you still manage to keep going, after all that.”
“All what? All I’m doing is remembering stuff. That’s really not much.”
“You remember some new trauma almost every day. That’s horrific. But it also makes you so much stronger for doing things like this. Taking time out of your day to make others’ lives better. Sazed told me you’re looking after…” He looked at Kaladin’s little partner. “I forgot your name.”
She wiped her partner and looked up at Kelsier. “Vin,” she said tiredly.
It was like a sudden explosion within Kelsier’s mind. So many memories. So much love and so much pain. He remembered so many things just from that name alone. But those were only loose emotions. Sometimes he caught glimpses of concrete memories, but he wasn’t able to hold onto them for long before they drifted away into the far-off bits of his mind.
“Vin,” he replied, then looked back at Kaladin. “Sazed told me you’re looking after Vin. You’re so rusting strong, you know? Stronger than I am, for sure. You have the right to be proud for that.”
Kell thought he could see the hints of a smile on Kaladin’s face. The littlest upward curve in his mouth, like a really weak grin. But that was leagues better than his regular brooding face.
Kelsier paused for a second, suddenly deep in thought. He remembered something he’d wanted to tell Kaladin. He’d might as well get it done with. “Hey, Kaladin. Could I tell you something?”
“Sure. What is it?”
Kelsier leapt off the gargoyle, then seemed to lean forward a bit. Both of them turned to look at Vin expectantly. “I’m not moving,” she said. “Let me listen. I’ll find out what you guys are talking about either way.”
“Yeah, right,” Kell said. “Out of the way. The big kids are talking.”
“I’d advise against asking her to do something like that,” Kaladin warned. “She’s good at bullying people into doing things.”
Kelsier and Vin glared at each other for a few seconds before Kell eventually gave in, allowing his eyes to soften. “Alright,” he whispered reluctantly. “I’ll just tell it to both of you.”
He took a sip of water from his canteen of water before continuing. “There’s something strange going on. Exceptionally strange. The kandra are acting a bit tense nowadays. I haven’t even seen Hoid once since I arrived here, and Sazed and Frost only show up rarely. They seem to be acting tense as well.”
“Something weird’s definitely going on,” Kaladin agreed. “Ham was talking about it too, when he was driving me here.”
Vin opened her mouth to say something, but Kelsier suddenly held up his hand to stop her. He then gestured for both Kaladin and Vin to duck under cover. He silently leapt behind the gargoyle himself, covered by its shadow.
There was a newcomer dressed in bright, red, garish clothes. As soon as Kelsier saw the flute in his hand, he identified him as Hoid. Behind him came Sazed, dressed in an ornate orange robe, and a third man who he didn’t recognize. He had snowy white hair and was dressed in a deep blue coat. His face had been ravaged by a long, deep scar that seemed to open up into darkness. Kell thought he could even see some white spots in there, glowing like stars in the night sky.
Hoid, Sazed and the other man walked across the courtyard towards one of the walls of the building. Sazed looked around, probably looking for Kelsier and Kaladin, and scratched his head worryingly when he couldn’t find them. He stepped back and watched, arms behind his back, as Hoid—
What the rust?
As Hoid leaned towards the purple brick wall and kissed it. Once he was done, the bricks on the wall seemed to twist and contort until they melded together into a wide, wooden-looking door.
“What did you just do, Hoid?” The stranger asked in a slightly familiar voice.
“I gave myself a unique lip-print with Lightweaving,” Hoid replied. “You won’t believe how many of this place’s secret passageways are Hoid-kiss-activated.”
Kelsier, Kaladin and Vin watched, baffled, as Hoid opened the door, then walked into the room, followed by Sazed and the white-haired man.
Kelsier was the first to sneak up to the doorway as soon as the door was shut. He waved at Kaladin and Vin to sneak along too. Thankfully, the door wasn’t soundproof. It had a little keyhole that could be looked and heard through. Kell was the first to get there, so he got the best position for peeking in. Vin managed to sneak herself in right next to him. Her small size meant she could see into the keyhole as well. Kaladin, however, was too tall to be able to see much at all.
Kelsier rubbed his eyes. The white-haired man’s skin seemed to be a bit weird. It seemed to melt into his clothes. Upon closer inspection, Kell could see that wasn’t really the case— his skin just seemed to be the slightest bit… scaly in places.
Hoid walked over to a long stone table in the center of the room, put his hands on it, then looked at his companions. Sazed and the other man stood at his sides. Hoid remained silent for a few seconds. With each passing second, the tension in the room seemed to build. Kell was almost totally sure that Hoid was staying quiet just for the drama alone.
“Gentlemen,” Hoid spoke suddenly, breaking the silence. “The Shards have agreed to our proposal.”
For a second, Sazed and the unknown man remained silent. Then, the man thumped the table and began to cheer. Sazed raised his arms up in the air in exultation. “By the ancient, forgotten, long-dead gods, that’s wonderful,” he said. “But there must have been a catch.”
Kell already began to feel like the conversation was going over his head. The word Shard seemed the slightest bit familiar, but not much.
“Well,” Hoid replied, “I’m still unsure about which side the twin Odiums will decide to be in. The Shardsmen have managed to control Rayse’s Intent. He no longer sees dreams of Cosmere-wide destruction. Or planet-wide destruction, for that matter. Neither does Taravangian. There has been an interesting development, though. Kelsier was present at the party.”
Kell froze, forgetting all his questions about what the rust an Odium was.
What party?
Huh?
Vin and Kaladin seemed to be just as stunned as Kell was. In fact, Sazed and the other man seemed stunned too. “That can’t be,” Sazed said. “Kelsier arrived here a few days ago, when you were away on your month-long vacation.”
Hoid rubbed his chin. “That’s strange. Interesting. Really interesting. Maybe Frost could have an explanation?”
As the unknown man stepped up and began to speak, Kelsier realized that it was Frost. The scales, the white hair, the blue coat. The only difference was the scar on his face, which Kell could see clearly now. It looked like it really opened into the night sky, complete with a recreation of the Scar. But that couldn’t be real. Could it? Maybe Frost could… turn into a human now and then?
“I might have made a few errors,” Frost said. “I used my Shardic power to do the calculations. In order to restructure the Cosmere and bring back everyone’s souls from the Beyond, a few souls would have to be… strangely affected.”
“What do you mean, strangely affected?” Hoid asked.
“Split,” Frost said. “Split into at least two different parts.”
“This is… very interesting,” Hoid said again. “You mean to say Kelsier has a split soul?”
“I’m definitely willing to wager that, yes.”
“The one who showed up to the party had two spikes in his body. Sazed, did your Kelsier have any spikes?”
“Now that I think of it, no,” Sazed responded.
“Well, if the one here is Kelsier’s old self, then the one at the party must have been—”
“Thaidakar,” Hoid and Sazed said together.
Kelsier narrowed his eyes and slowly brought his neck out of the keyhole, looking at Kaladin and Vin in confusion. Who’s Thaidakar? He mouthed at them silently.
Just then:
“I was worried we’d have to go looking for our little Survivor,” Hoid announced, “but it seems we are already in his presence.” He turned his neck to look straight in the direction Kell and the others were hiding.
Frost stepped forward to open the door and smirked. Well, rust. There went any chance of them sneaking away unnoticed. Kell looked back to see Vin had already scampered away somewhere. Kaladin glanced behind himself. “Be right back,” he said very quickly. He immediately turned and ran, trying to catch her.
Slowly and cautiously, Kelsier walked into the room. Inside, Hoid was grinning broadly and Sazed had a concerned, slightly exhausted look on his face that clearly said Where were you hiding?? You had me very worried, young man.
“Oh, come on,” Hoid said. “Don’t feel so bad about it. You couldn’t have gotten past my Life Sense for much longer. It’s a wonder you managed to eavesdrop on us for as long as you did.”
“I don’t like this,” Kelsier said bluntly. “Something about this is wrong, and I don’t know what.”
“You haven’t changed a bit,” Hoid sighed. “I have fond memories of the last time we fought. You were a sore loser, you know. I still have insults in my mind that I never got to use against you.”
“Why not use them now?”
“I can’t. You’re a kid, and I’m a grown man. It would be strange, unfair and against my sense of honor. Not to mention there is an adult version of you somewhere out in the Cosmere that I can gleefully track down and berate instead.”
Kelsier looked back to find Kaladin walking back towards the room, holding Vin up in the air by her collar with his arm outstretched in front of him. She was kicking and clawing around in the air like a murderous cat. He slowly lowered her down and placed her on the ground so she could stand up on her own. A second later, her gaze softened. “Oh,” she said. “Sorry. I thought you were someone evil.”
“Oh, I am,” Kaladin said quietly. “I’m a… terrible storming person.”
“What was that, Kal?” Hoid asked.
“Nothing,” Vin replied. “Just regular Kaladin brooding.”
Kelsier breathed in deeply and narrowed his eyes at Hoid. “What is going on here? What do I have to do with all of this rust?”
“Well, you-“ Hoid started. He was interrupted by Sazed loudly calling “Watch your language!” from inside the room.
“Promise me,” Hoid said to the kids as Kal and Vin stepped forward to listen, “Promise me you won’t speak a word of this to the other kids. The only reason I’m telling you at all is because I know you won’t stop searching until you find out.” He paused. “Kelsier, please give your friends Waxillium and Wayne some other mystery to solve. That would be better than them trying to solve this one themselves, and subsequently disrupting many of our plans.”
Hoid beckoned the kids into the room, then pulled out a sofa for them to sit on. As they took a seat, Hoid placed his hands on the table again and yawned. “To make a long story short, ten years ago, the Cosmere as we knew it was destroyed by a very evil, very mean person named Odium. But that’s a story for another time.
“All of the kids in the Happy Home used to be heroes from that time. Unfortunately, due to a variety of unfortunate reasons, you mostly failed in the end. Frost and I, however, managed to… fix the Cosmere and bring you all back from the dead. This thing with all of you arriving back one after the other, it’s what we call the Transfer.”
“Back… from the dead?” Kaladin asked. “So those… those memories we remember now and then. Those are?“
“Memories from your past life,” Hoid replied. “If somebody feels familiar to you, odds are you used to know them before… all of that happened.”
“Oh,” Vin said, rubbing her chin. “This explains why Uncle Saze was crying the other day.”
Sazed’s eyes widened. “Sorry. What was that, child?”
“The day Kal and I arrived here, I wasn’t really asleep. I’m pretty sure I heard you crying a bit after Kal left.”
Sazed gulped as Hoid and Frost’s eyes shifted over to him. “Yes, well, that must have been a misconception.”
Hoid shook his head, smiling warmly. “Frost can explain what happened to Kelsier. I’m too tired to explain it twice.”
Kelsier could see that Frost didn’t seem to be particularly happy. His smirk from earlier had dissipated. There was now a scowl where it used to be, one that was even worse than Kaladin’s glare.
Frost turned his eyes to Hoid. “I don’t think I should tell them.”
“Why not?” Hoid replied.
“I can’t trust them,” he said. “They’re kids. They’ll tell everyone they meet about this.”
Hoid pondered on that for a second. “Well, they haven’t betrayed my trust before.”
“Look, Hoid,” Frost replied. “All I wish to say is, you trusted them. Then what happened?”
“Then they showed me just how wonderful they could be.”
“No. They failed, didn’t they? If they were so wonderful, why couldn’t they stop Odium from killing the Cosmere?”
“Gentlemen,” Sazed interrupted. “Not in front of the children. Please.”
Everybody was silent for a second. Then, Frost suddenly spoke again. “This isn’t your business, Terrisman,” he said. “Stay out of this argument. Go do your job. We wouldn’t want you losing control of this Happy Home like you lost control of your Shard.”
Sazed breathed in deeply, as if to calm his anger. “You know full well that Taravangian Splintered me,” he spoke slowly. “You act as if I was the reason Harmony was destroyed.”
Frost looked as if he wanted to say something terrible, but shook his head. The hateful glare on his face weakened, and he closed his eyes, breathing just as deeply as Sazed was.
“Lighten up, Frost,” Hoid chuckled, rubbing Frost’s back. “We wouldn’t want you splitting peoples’ souls in half.”
Frost opened his eyes, glared at Hoid, then closed them again. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I apologize for my outburst. Kelsier… when I brought back a few peoples’ souls from the Beyond, they fractured a little bit. Yours fully broke into two. There are now two of you in the Cosmere, completely independent, but somehow bonded. I’m very sure you both embody two conflicting parts of your full soul.”
Kelsier breathed deeply, considering this information. Another version of him, roaming around in the universe somewhere, an unfathomable distance away from him. He felt a bit like finding him and speaking with him.
“Well, then,” Hoid said. “I think it’s time for you all to go to sleep again before we wake you up for breakfast. Sazed, Frost and I have places to be.”
“Hold on a second,” Kelsier said. “None of this explains why you’re gone all the time. Or why Sazed and Frost are always so tense nowadays.”
“Come on!” Hoid replied. “We can’t tell you that, and deep in your heart, you know it.”
“Please?”
“It’ll take much harder than that to persuade me. Your plea doesn’t even sound genuine.”
Vin walked to the front of the group, making the cutest face she could muster. “Pretty please?”
Hoid silently considered her face for a few seconds, then shook his head. “No. Sorry. Confidential information. You have no reason to know what we’re arguing about.”
Vin took a deep breath. “Hoid, we’re not leaving until you tell us the rest of what’s going on. We—”
Hoid didn’t even respond. He just lifted her up by the stomach, then placed her on the ground outside after she began to try and fight him. Kelsier tried to strike back, but Hoid grabbed his shoulders, turned him around and pushed him out of the room. Kaladin considered arguing, but closed his mouth, grumbled a frustrated “good night, Hoid, Sazed and Frost” and left after he realized it was going to be fruitless.
Once the door was shut, Hoid rubbed his forehead as the happiness drained out of his face and got replaced by solemnity. “I hope we survive this time...” he whispered. “Adonalsium help us all.”