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"Hold on a moment - that's a slave camp, I've been there before"
Courier Six stopped dead in her tracks.
"Let's get one thing straight. I see any crimson, I'm taking the shot. You don't like that, you're on your own." Boone continued nonchalantly
"Boone, I get it that you hate the legion, but we'll kill all those romans later okay? I just wanna hear old Caesar out and piss him off" The Courier said, before being rudely interrupted by a legion explorer
"What are you doing here degenerate?"
"I'm passing through"
"Huh, interesting that Caesar has given a degenerate whore his mark. Pass peacefully and go to the docks over th-" he didn't finish his sentence before getting shot by a 9mm megapistol.
"Well, ain't that a kick in the head...anyways" Courier readied her gun, "We're fucking this camp up Boone, take your shot"
"Targets approaching" said Boone, and started picking heads off, while the courier went into the fray and took everyone in close combat. Canyon-Runner tried to sneak up, but got his ass handed to him. Decanus severus got shot in his guts and some of the legionaries went flying due to the power fist
"Watch out Courier, there's a centurion coming up, and that ferryman guy"
Aurelius of Phoenix sprinted to the courier, carrying a machete "How dare you destroy my camp Profligate! I'll make sure you're crucified in the worst way possible"
"Yeah Yeah shut your fancy ass" Courier said, while punching him with her Two-Step Goodbye "Oooh a crit!" she exclaimed when the centurion's body flew far and didn't move. She didn't notice Lucillus sneak behind her, raising his machete
"Watch out Six!" Boone shouted,but it was too late
"Die Profligate Whore!" he exclaimed, swinging it down on her neck, only to be shocked when the blade bounced back
"What in the goddamn....." he was stunned
Boone immediately took the shot and blew his brains out
The courier kicked the dead body "Well that's the last of 'em I guess...let's carry o-OOOH SHINYY" she squealed as she looted Canyon-Runner's body, "Hey we got some keys to that cage over there!"
She ran to the cage and immediately started flirting with Mrs. Weathers while she disabled everyone's bomb collars, and pointed out the way to get to Freeside while avoiding Camp Searchlight.
"You and the kids will need Rad-X, so here's some bags - and you'll need more ma'am , because you're glowing as bright as the sun y'know~" and got a slap on the arm from Mrs. Weathers, who was blushing hard "I'll be at the Lucky 38!" she called after them before turning back to Boone.
"Last Boat we ever get on, you ready for this, Six?" Boone asked as they boarded the barge
"Rip and tear until it's done sniper boy - I'll make sure you get the shot on Caesar"
Meanwhile at The Fort
"WHAT!"
"It's true my lord, The Courier and her companion totally decimated Cottonwood Cove, and they also sent the centurion flying, quite literally!!" The legionary said, while cowering in front of Caesar, who looked like he could blow up any moment
"GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT! If she causes any more trouble, I'm revoking the Mark of Caesar, and then I'll throw her UNARMED to my praetorians and the dogs into the arena"
Lucius looked at Caesar worriedly, "My liege, you should take a deep breath and calm yourself before the profligate arrives - we'll take care if she does anything"
"Of course" Caesar said while trying to aura farm on his throne - the development had unsettled him "Tell Vulpe- oh wait he's fucking dead..Tell Alerio to keep watch and observe. If Erectus Willius were alive, he'd know how to handle this mes- OKAY WHO LAUGHED" Caesar roared
A praetorian stepped forward. Lanius prayed that Caesar wouldn't order a Lanius-style beatdown
"What's so funny about...Erectus Willius?"
"It's a joke name, my lord, like Biggus Dickus or Sillius Soddus"
"I'll have you know that my friend, Biggus Dickus is a Centurion of the highest capacity, and has saved my life 5 times" "Thrice" Lucius whispered "Yes, thrice and he is now in Colorado surrounded by seamen of the highest quality for our Navy!"
Another praetorian snickered, and was pushed forward
"How dare you! I'll not have my friend ridiculed by the common soldiery! I'll have you both on your knees in front of Biggus Dickus!!" Caesar got up and went to a praetorian who was clenching his teeth and sweating
"Do you find it funny, if I mention the name....Biggus.....Dickus ?" The centurion was sweating "He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks! "
Everyone lost it and the tent roared with laughter. Lucius himself snickered, before stopping and making sure that Caesar was not looking
"ENOUGH!!" Caesar shouted "You call yourself praetorian guards! I've had enough of this rowdy rebel sniggering behaviour! Lucius - make them whip each other with 10 lashes - you're also getting whipped, I saw you also sniggering - or so help me mars - I'll throw you all to the dogs" he said and went to his tent, the tumor in his head acting up
"God fucking dammit" Lucius muttered and stripped his armor off, handing a whip to the nearest praetorian "Be quick about it"
"That's what she said"
".....you're getting double you piece of shit"
"yeah lay it on me" was the last words before he got knocked out by his friend.
At The Fort's entrance
"By order of Caesar, your weapons and chems are to be left behind" The legionary guard said sternly, looking at the pair
"Hmm....yeah I'm cool with the weapons, but I need the chems - congenital heart conidiation" The courier explained sheepishly
"Huh, you can take them along then - can't believe Caesar wants to see a whelp of a profligate whore" The courier's face darkened as the guard continued on. Anyways, hand over your weapons, and the platinum chip too - you'll get it later"
"I'll give my weapons to you...after I'm done shoving it UP YOUR ROMAN ARSE!!" The courier shouted as she sent the guard flying with the Two-Step Goodbye. Boone shot him midair, and the body disappeared into a red mist "Hollow points", he explained to the stunned courier who broke into a grin.
"Let's fucking go!"
The way towards the camp became a bloodbath, with the legionaries getting shot and/or punched by the legion killing duo. The trainee legionaries ran away, and thankfully did not get caught in the crossfire. Boone sniped some of them, and was having his moment.
As they approached the entrance, the Courier got greeted with Anthony and his legion of dogs, and all of them were put to rest by her 9mm submachine - or Vance's , giving credit to the original owner. Anthony and Otho were both turned into swiss cheese. The fight spilled into the arena, and the most of the legion was put to rest there. Otho somehow lived, even when he was shot 28 times and ranted about how women "must know their place and not be in the arena yada yada" before getting his brains blown out. The Courier released the NCR prisoners and told them to go around Camp Searchlight to reach the NCR post.
"Well Boone, you ready?" The Courier asked while patching both of them up, and taking a bit of psycho for herself
Boone nodded, and the both of them ran inside the tent
Inside Caesar's Tent
The legion killing duo barged in, only to be met by the praetorian guard, and Caesar himself
"Goddamnit Courier, you've caused so much trouble for me - destroyed my plans at McCarran, removed the Nelson and Cottonwood Cove garrisons, killed my frumentarii Vulpes and wear his hat - which you're clearly unworthy of" The courier yawned during his rant, which made Caesar even more furious, but he continued "So tell me this, because I really want to know. I am feared - with good reason. But you - of all people - dare to come here and stand before me, the mighty Caesar, what were you thinking?"
"That I'll shove your mark right up your guts, you limp dick old fart"
"PRAETORIANS! TO ME!"
"Fuck man" Boone muttered, "I really hate close quarters" he said as he dodged a guard's powerfist and slit his neck "You really had to go that far?"
"Of course! I mean, I'm dealing with a guy who's a wannabe roman who acts like he knows Hegel but doesn't- the trader outside the fort told me about an interesting conv-ah shit I got blood on my suit" she said as she finished of Lucius and another guard with her ripper
"Where were we? Ah yes" she continued while dealing with Caesar's guard dogs, currently trying to bite her "That guy and Caesar had a conversation about Hegelian Dialectics, and old roman here has butchered Hegel's philosophy" She finished them off before kneecapping Caesar with 2 bullets, and delighted in seeing him squirm, then shot his elbow making sure he could not punch them
"GAHH! Why didn't you die! You got bit by dogs, and I swear me and Lucius punched you!"
"Nanomachines son, they harden in response to trauma" the Courier grinned before picking up the limp Caesar and placing him on his throne in such a way that he could not aura farm
"There's one more reason I came here by the way" she said before playing the recording of Caesar's monologue about Hegelian dialectics "But, I disagree with whatever you said here"
"What would a profligate know about Hegel? I've been with the-" "Followers for a long ass time yeah yeah" The courier interrupted rudely "Mr.House has the complete works of Hegel, and I studied it in more detail, and I can tell you with great authority that"
The courier took a deep breath before screaming
"That's not how fucking dialectics works, you stupid cuck! I didn’t study Hegel (plus continental philosophy in general) with House's Harvardatron for some LOW LIFE KNOW IT ALL who’s CLEARLY never fucking read Hegel as he would KNOW that HEGEL has NEVER FUCKING EVER used the terms “thesis, antithesis, synthesis” to start perpetuating these LIES at EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. this isn’t Hegel, my friend. No, no, no. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis was thought up by Fichte and it’s clearly inferior to Hegel's dialectical method of imminent critique. Yes. It’s called imminent critique. And dialectics is only ONE PART of Hegel's full method. Which again is called imminent critique, which you would know if you had ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO READ HEGEL ITS LITERALLY IN THE SCIENCE OF LOGIC YOU DUMB FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I honestly cannot believe the fucking arrogance to come onto this post, spouting that anti Hegel garbage. Where did you get your Fucking info on dialectics? Fucking Jason Unruhe?"
She turned to Boone "All yours Boone, aim for the head"
"You don't need to tell me twice" he said before aiming his rifle at Caesar
"I'm Craig Boone of 1st Recon NCR, and I'm the last thing your slaving ass will see" he said before cleanly putting a shot between Caesar's head,. The courier took Caesar's bloodstained armor as a trophy and they set out back towards the wasteland. The body was delivered to Hoover Dam, where it was crucified facing west.
Alerio was found cowering behind some slaves , and was kneecapped and left alive in the middle of the arena, like Boxcars at Nipton (Karma, since Alerio was the one who crippled Boxcars). The slaves were set free and wandered into the wasteland. Siri decided to become a travelling doctor, but then stayed at Usanagi's clinic, becoming a resident medic, and finding love with the good doctor.
The slave girl Melody was scared, but the courier calmed her down, and managed to find Sergeant Teddy in Anthony's dead body and repaired him. The Courier took her to the Lucky 38 and cared for her till she was strong enough to travel. She later went with The Courier to Nellis, where she was adopted by Jack and became best friends with Lindsay, who introduced them to Mister Cuddles. The duo of Melody and Lindsay became the best pair of pilots, having a patch of 2 teddy bears in a spade (the card suit) sewn on to their jackets, making them 'The Aces of Nellis'
The Legion had finally started to splinter apart, and failed at retaking Hoover Dam, with a disgraced Lanius being convinced to retreat westwards. He tried to get the body of Caesar back, but was horrified to see it burning ( an 'accident' thanks to the Courier ) and suffered a massive stroke. And that fateful day, where the Courier and Boone stormed Fortification hill was known as 'The Day the Bull Died"
Extras
Harvardatron and Nanomacines
"What's that 'Harvadatron' thingy you mentioned back there ?" Boone asked
"Oh that! That's a machine which puts information directly into your brain, and you don't need to memorize anything at all"
"So you're telling me that..."
"All of the 5 major big ass books, along with his writings in the 19th century. Mr.House has an exquisite collection in the Lucky 38 - Don't tell that to the followers or they'll be asking me to insert another bug to transmit the books to their terminals"
".....What about the 'Nanomachines" "
"Big Mountain scientists created an implant which allows my skin to harden on impact, preventing trauma. Pretty neat for those brain-in-a-tank freaks to be honest. 'Course, that was the last one they had and it somehow works. I persuaded them to stop as it's risky to develop, so don't give the Followers or the OSI any ideas or civilization as a whole will be fucked"
Boone shook his head "Just when I thought I saw it all"
"Wait till you see House's basement"
Melody and Lindsay
"So this is my new home?" Melody asked. The clean air was much better than the environment she had at The Fort
The courier chuckled "Of course kiddo, I've talked to one of my friends there, and he'll be thrilled to take care of you" she said before hearing someone run towards her
"Ah Lindsay! What happened?"
Lindsay sniffled "I lost Mister Cuddle- wait why do you have my teddy bear?" she pointed "You stole him!!"
Melody gasped "How- That's Sargent Teddy, not Mister Cuddles. How dare you-" The Courier immediately stepped between them
"Okay kids calm down. Lindsay, this is Melody - an outsider. Melody, this is Lindsay - a boomer who also has a teddy like yours" The courier then grinned "Tell you what, why don't the both of you go and search for Mister Cuddles? I have to talk with Mother Pearl now, so show her around kid" she said and walked off
"Sorry for telling that you stole my teddy Melody" Lindsay said while walking "It's alright Lindsay, wanna be friends?"
The two of them shook hands and went on a quest to save Mister Cuddles - who was found near the Superfortress
"We should introduce our teddy bears too - Mister Cuddles, this is Sargent Teddy. Your turn "
"Sargent Teddy, this is Mister Cuddles - your new friend" Melody said gravely, before the two of them started to laugh
The Courier watched from afar, glad that the kids had a new playmate, and Melody would finally know freedom. She'd given Jack the shovel talk, and he had promised to take care of the kid well. She did promise to visit regularly though, the kid had made her into the 'cool aunt' figure when they were travelling. Life was good in the Mojave after all.