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“Whatever happened to Aliyah?”
They’d just finished their finals and Matt and Foggy were tipsy in their dorm room, breaking into some alcohol that an older friend of Foggy’s had legally bought and not so legally gifted them.
Matt responded to Foggy’s question with a sigh. “Just not my type, I guess,” he said, shrugging in a way that was almost but not quite careless.
“Pretty sure that’s the third girl’s heart you’ve broken this semester, Matty,” Foggy said, a teasing lilt to his voice. “Who’s next? It’s not like you’ve ever been single for long." He took note of Matt’s grimace, and it piqued his curiosity.
“Oooh, is there someone? That’s the exact face you make when I have to pull teeth to get information out of you. Might as well spit it out now,” Foggy said.
Matt’s frown deepened, and he fidgeted uncomfortably. Sober Foggy would let things go when Matt felt uncomfortable, but not quite sober Foggy was the type to bully secrets out of his not quite sober friend.
“C’mooon, Matt. You gotta give me something! This is our ‘thank God we survived another semester’ party, let loose! Have fun! Share the gossip with your bestie!” he insisted, and Matt ducked his head like he was avoiding eye contact. He may be blind, but for some reason he still did that when he felt awkward.
“Well, um,” Matt mumbled quietly.
Foggy leaned forward eagerly, to hear him better and lay on a little pressure.
“I, uh. I think Brady might be into me,” Matt continued in a soft murmur.
Foggy frowned. “I was referring to people you were in the market for,” he said. “Y’know, girls. Brady’s kinda hot, in a frat boy kinda way, but he’s more my type than yours,” he added, with a dramatic emphasis on “my type”. Because Matt was totally, definitely straight.
Matt still wouldn’t turn his face in his direction as he said, “Nevermind,” almost too quiet to hear. Even not quite sober Foggy was alert enough to pick up on the tension.
“Wait a minute, he’s not your type, right? You’re totally straight? 'Cause I saw how awkward you got when we first met and I flirted with you. I didn’t imagine that, right?” Foggy asked.
A complicated series of emotions passed over Matt’s face as his whole body tensed and his shoulders approached his ears. “Well, uh. I’ve had time to think since then,” he admitted quietly.
Foggy’s face morphed into a grin. “Oh yay, another bi! One of us, one of us!” he teased with a laugh, but if anything Matt curled up further.
“Ummm. Maybe I’m… maybe not,” he replied, and at this point Foggy was just confused.
“You’re either into men or you’re not. I mean, are you questioning? 'Cause it’s fine if you are, not everyone is a perv for guys the second they turn 13,” he joked, calling back to the description of his bisexual teen years he’d given Matt months ago.
“I’m into guys,” Matt said, and it was more firm and convicted than expected. Foggy could blame the alcohol for how long it took him to catch on.
“Wait, but- Ohhhh,” he realized suddenly. “Wait, seriously?! But you fucked half of our classmates – our female classmates – freshman year. You were totally a whore! No offense, buddy,” he said, hoping the joke would relax Matt.
The corners of his lips did curl up, just a little. “Yeah, well. I was, uh… maybe a little slow on the uptake,” he admitted, and Foggy couldn’t help but laugh.
“A little? How many sucky experiences did it take to figure out you’re not interested? Cause I’m serious – you got around,” Foggy said. “I mean, did you ever see boobs and go, ‘gross’? Cause I admit, I can’t relate to that one.”
Matt snorted softly. “Boobs, and well – the other thing,” he confirmed, and Foggy laughed again.
“You’ve fucked like twenty people and you can’t even say the word for it? I can’t relate to that one either – pussy’s great, and I would know for more than one reason,” Foggy said, and this time Matt chuckled. Success!
Foggy had been out as trans to Matt since their first semester, even though he was otherwise stealth. He felt dysphoric about plenty of things, but he’d pretty much made peace with the pleasures involved in having a vagina. Life, lemons, lemonade and all that.
“Well, I haven’t gotten around to trying dick to compare it to, but- at this point I’m pretty sure pussy’s not my thing,” Matt admitted, noticeably less tense than he’d been a few minutes ago.
“Well, I agree Brady isn’t nearly as straight as he pretends to be. He’s way too closeted to date you, but you’re hot, dude, so. Might not be hard to get something from him,” Foggy said. “I’m glad to wingman for you whenever, by the way. Girls or guys,” he offered with a smile, and he relished the little grin Matt sent him in response.
“Thanks, buddy,” he said. Foggy patted him on the shoulder, and… that was that.
Unfortunately Foggy hadn’t had anywhere close to enough alcohol to forget that conversation.
--
They were in the office celebrating a case they’d won when Matt and Foggy cracked open some alcohol they’d gotten as payment from a mostly-pro-bono client. Karen had gone home for the night, citing being tired, though Foggy suspected she just wanted to give them a chance to further mend their friendship. They were okay and almost back to normal after the Daredevil revelation, but Foggy did appreciate the chance to go back to basics with some celebratory drinking.
Foggy was leaning against Matt’s shoulder, laughing hard about something he’d hardly remember later. He pulled back after a moment, and it wasn’t until Matt faced him directly that he realized how close they were to each other. Foggy’s heart skipped a beat, feeling the way he always felt when his best friend and longest running crush got this close to him. There was some expression on Matt’s face that Foggy couldn’t quite identify.
And then there were lips on his and there was nothing in Foggy’s mind but static.
Before he snapped out of the moment abruptly. Shit.
Matt was clearly trying to deepen the kiss when Foggy suddenly pushed him away. He took in the fearful look that crossed Matt’s face in response, but he was seeing red and couldn’t hold in the desperate anger he felt.
“What the hell are you doing?!” he demanded, and Matt flinched back.
“I’m- I’m sorry- I thought-” Matt stuttered out, visibly scared. He looked like a kicked puppy, but his obvious anxiety wasn’t enough to calm Foggy down.
“You thought what?!” Foggy said even louder, essentially yelling now. “You thought you’d play with my feelings?! All these years of you not being interested, knowing you’d never be, you’d never…” Foggy made a frustrated noise at his own lack of eloquence. “All these years, Matt, and you’re messing with me now? Does it feel good for your ego, knowing I’m stuck on you?!” he demanded.
The blatant hurt on Matt’s face was almost enough to break through Foggy’s anger. Almost.
“Why would you think I’m messing with you? Am I not allowed to want you? I know I screwed up by not acting on it sooner, I know I did, but if you want me too then why can’t we do this?” Matt said.
And then Matt's expression changed as something clearly occurred to him. “Is it because of...“ he started, and though he didn't finish the question the meaning was obvious.
Foggy scoffed. “Because of your vigilante shit? No. It’s because I know you’re not attracted to me, and that means whatever the hell you’re doing, you’re not serious about it. Maybe I was wrong to think you cared about me enough to not hurt me like this!” Foggy yelled.
Now Matt just looked confused, which if anything fueled Foggy’s ire even more. “Why are you saying I’m not attracted to you? I wouldn’t literally kiss you if I wasn’t. I know I’m slow on the uptake, and I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what else to do but apologize for being stupid. Do you- do you not want me?” Matt said. His voice broke painfully on the words “want me”, but Foggy just scoffed again.
“Play dumb all you want – I’m going home,” Foggy declared, standing up abruptly.
Matt just sat there, frozen, as Foggy stormed quickly out of the office.
--
The next day at work was awkward, to say the least.
Matt’s kicked puppy look was at full power, and so was Foggy’s commitment to ignoring it. He only spoke to Matt when it was completely necessary, opting to focus on paperwork since it was a slow day. It took only a few hours for Karen to finally snap.
“You!” she yelled. “Both of you!”
Both of them looked up abruptly, deer in the headlights.
“We just got over that bullshit – the bullshit you still won't explain to me, by the way! I could finally do my work in peace without having to worry about you two idiots! But it always has to be something! I put up with it before but my tolerance is used up and I’m not doing it again!” Karen complained.
“Talk to each other, work your shit out – I’m taking the rest of the day off. I think I’ve earned it after all the stress you’ve been putting me through! You two have forgiven each other before, you can do it again. You just need to communicate, which you both clearly suck at! I’ll see you tomorrow, and you better at least be capable of working together by then!” she declared.
And then she stormed out of the office, leaving her two coworkers silent and frozen in shock.
They turned to each other, both reluctant to speak. And then Foggy finally bit out, “So, are you gonna apologize to me? Because if you’re not, this is a waste of time.”
Matt looked hurt and confused in a way that almost – almost – swayed Foggy. After a moment of silence Foggy moved to get up from his desk chair, and Matt cut in,
“Wait.”
Foggy stilled, and relaxed back into his chair. The loosest possible definition of “relaxed”, at least.
“Look, I- I’m sorry for springing things on you like that,” Matt admitted tentatively. “But I- I don’t get why you’re so mad at me. You want me, I want you – why is that a bad thing? I didn’t really think it through before doing it, and I’m sorry for that, but…” he trailed off, frowning.
“You didn’t think it through,” Foggy repeated flatly, clearly unimpressed.
Matt paused, his tentative behavior giving the impression of someone cautiously disarming a bomb. “I mean, I’ve thought about my feelings before. Especially recently, after- after I almost lost you. But acting on it, that was- yeah, it was spontaneous. I’m sorry if my timing was bad,” he said.
That admission unfortunately added fuel to the fire. “Oh, so that’s what it is? You’re trying to start something, so, what- I’ll stay with you?! You don’t need to fuck me to keep me around! I was serious when I agreed to make this work! You don’t need to- to humor me!” Foggy yelled.
Matt finally snapped, and the look on his face was stormy. “I don’t get why you insist on interpreting my actions in the worst possible way! I like you! I wanna date you! Why does there have to be an ulterior motive! I know I’m a vigilante, and I know that sucks for you, but that doesn’t mean I’m a monster!” he shouted.
“It has nothing to do with the vigilante thing!” Foggy insisted.
“What is it then? Why do you think I’m some kind of asshole manipulating you?! Because I’ve given you absolutely no reason to think that, and I think I deserve a little bit of slack!” Matt replied angrily.
“It’s the fact that you’re not attracted to me!” Foggy shouted, his voice the loudest it had been yet. “You don’t kiss people you’re not attracted to unless it’s for some kind of ego boost! And I’d like to think I matter more than that to you, as a friend!”
Matt took a deep, slow breath in and out, clenching and unclenching his hands against his desk. “And why the hell do you think I’m not attracted to you?” he said flatly, with a clearly false calm.
“Pussy’s not my thing!” Foggy declared, triumphant.
Matt just stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “What?” he replied, audibly baffled.
Foggy made a frustrated noise. “Agh! I can’t believe you’ve forgotten! That’s what you said, when you came out to me! ‘Pussy’s not my thing’!”
Half a dozen expressions crossed Matt’s face, before it settled into something approximating disbelief. “You think I can’t be attracted to you because of something I said when I was 19 years old?” he said.
Foggy frowned deeply at the judgment in his voice. “Yeah! So? You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it!” he insisted, something in his voice sounding almost desperate.
Matt closed his eyes slowly, then turned his face up to the ceiling like he was asking God for patience.
Foggy glared silently for a moment, still incensed. He was about to speak again when Matt faced back towards him and spoke instead.
“I was a stupid kid that just realized I was gay. I had no experience with men. I was only halfway convinced about my sexuality when I told you. And you really think a single thing I said as a closeted teenager has any effect at all on who I am now?” he said.
Foggy frowned, more than a little thrown off. “Um… yes?” he replied, the most uncertain he’d been since Matt first kissed him.
Matt sighed heavily. “So you think I’d give up on the deepest, most important relationship in my life over aesthetics? Have I ever given you any reason to think I’m transphobic? I shouldn’t have said that at the time, but I don’t think the entirety of who I am should be assumed based on a single comment I made years ago,” he said.
“I’m not saying you’re transphobic!” Foggy insisted, caught between the urge to accuse Matt and the instinct to defend him. “Genital preference isn’t always a bigotry thing! You’re just not into what I have and that’s- that’s okay,” he said. Well, the kiss wasn’t okay. The lack of interest was, though. He’d learned to live with it.
“And I’m trying to tell you I don’t have a preference!” Matt exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “I’m trying to say that your body has zero impact on how much I love you! I’ve been fucking in love with you since before I knew I was capable of loving men. And yeah, I was stupid about it, and I’m a decade late, but I kind of hoped you’d give me a chance anyway,” he said, a little less angrily.
“You… what?” Foggy replied softly, only vaguely aware of how delicate and cracked open he sounded.
“I’m in love with you, you idiot. That’s why I kissed you! And unless you can convince me that either you don’t have feelings for me or you can’t forgive me for something I’ve done, then I can’t see why we can’t have each other. It doesn’t have to be complicated. I love you, and I want to date you. I wanna hold your hand like we’re 12, and annoy Karen with gross PDA, and you know what- sure, I wanna fuck you. Can you seriously tell me you don’t want that? If you can then obviously I’ll let it go! But I’m not gonna back off because I was stupid over a decade ago. You’re gonna have to give me another reason,” Matt said.
Foggy was choked up, his eyes burning and his voice weak as he said, “…you’re in love with me?”
Matt barked out something like a laugh. “Yeah, obviously. I can’t believe this is this much of a surprise to you,” he replied.
Foggy shot him a probably unconvincing glare. “Well it’s not like you ever told me that! You just friend zoned me for years and then kissed me with no warning! What was I supposed to think?” he asked, and it was supposed to be demanding but his voice was still coming out a bit weak.
“I don’t know, something other than me trying to use you? I’m still a little mad that you thought that, Fog! But I’ll forgive you for seeing the worst in me if you give me a reason to. Start with being honest, maybe?” he said, his tone starting out firm before bleeding into a more tentative question.
Foggy scrubbed at his eyes and abruptly stood up. In seconds he was leaning over Matt’s desk, and pulling him close, and kissing him. It felt much better, being both sober and sure that Matt meant it.
Matt kissed back with complete enthusiasm, and swallowed the sound Foggy made when Matt’s tongue played at the seam of his lips and he let it in. Foggy only pulled back when he felt the desperate need for oxygen, and they both breathed heavily as their faces moved a few inches apart.
And then they were both grinning, and then they were both laughing, and then Matt was teasing, saying, “I can’t believe you, you idiot,” and Foggy was replying “You’re the idiot,” and Matt was saying, “No, you,” like a child, and…
Yeah. It was pretty damn good.