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i. denial
Today has been a really bad day.
Arriving at Shiz was everything Galinda could’ve possibly dreamed of. The glamor, the energy, the crowds, it was everything her parents promised her it would be. And from the get-go, it was delivering her the homecoming she deserved.
And then Galinda just had to raise her hand. She was just trying to be polite, trying not to interrupt Madame Morrible while she was speaking. How rude would it be if she did that? And where did that get her? Playing polite landed her in a room with someone else, that’s where.
Not just with someone else, but with that green girl. Not that Galinda has anything against someone of any skin color—no, of course not, Gillikin prides itself on having one of the most diverse populations in all of Oz, second only to the Emerald City. But that girl’s reputation couldn’t be worse.
Still, Galinda is determined to try to make a good first conversation as roommates. Or at least a better conversation than whatever went wrong with their first-ever conversation (which Galinda still isn’t sure how she messed up!) If they’re going to live together, they might as well get along.
Plus, Madame Morrible will be taking on Elphaba. Galinda gets to have a new friend and someone who can help her. How did that saying go? Cure two birds with one stone?
That’s why Galinda is waiting by the door, pacing back and forth before looking through the keyhole, before pacing back and forth again before looking through the keyhole, then again and again. After about twenty minutes of this, Galinda finally sees the green girl in black appear.
With an excited laugh, Galinda opens the door. She smiles warmly. Elphaba stares back at her.
Right. A little awkwardish, but Galinda has worked with worse crowds. With a little gasp and that big smile, Galinda gestures to the inside of the room. “Come in.”
Elphaba slowly enters, taking in the entire room. Galinda spent a good chunk of her day organizing her things so that Elphaba wouldn’t be overwhelmed by all the packed cases intended for a private suite. Of course, this isn’t all of them, so Galinda adds, “The rest of my bags will be arriving shortly.”
As though Galinda didn’t speak at all, Elphaba looks to the left. That’s fine, Galinda can handle stoniness. Maybe Elphaba’s just a little shy and needs to warm up. “Do you really think this is fair?”
Galinda feels a weight fall off her shoulders. Oh, thank goodness that Elphaba’s also uneasy about being roommates. Of course, Galinda is still going to be the most perfectulated roommates anyone could ask for, but it takes a little bit of pressure away from her. She walks around Elphaba and stops in front of her. “Oh, I do not. I was promised a private suite. But thanks for asking!”
Elphaba doesn’t respond. Did Galinda say the wrong thing again? How embarrassing. Galinda’s good at reading people, but she can hardly read Elphaba right now. What is Elphaba thinking? Has Galinda offended her? Ah shit, nothing can go her way today.
No one can fault Galinda for jumping back uneasily when Elphaba starts towards her. “Wait!”
“What?” Elphaba’s eyes widen.
“What?” Galinda forces her shoulders down.
“I was just…” Elphaba gestures over Galinda’s shoulder. “I was just gonna close the door.”
“Oh… Well, could you not?” Galinda struts over to the door, holds on to either side of the frame, and lets her body hang back. “I’m sorry, I just, I so enjoy air.”
Ever since Galinda was a kid, she’s enjoyed being able to feel the wind in some way. The rush feels like flying, running through her hair and over her face, and giving her this exhilarating thrill. It feels like a promise of when she’ll be able to fly on her own. And Galinda likes the promise of getting what she wants.
Galinda gasps, because speaking of wants! Elphaba probably wants to rest or at least start putting her things down. Pulling herself back into the room, Galinda waltzes over to one of her clothes racks. “Oh, I saved you some space, by the way!”
Her parents always encouraged her to do gestures for others whenever she could. And what a nice gesture this is, is it not? The whole room was supposed to be Galinda’s, so carving out a little bit of space just for Elphaba is a gesture to show there’s no ill will towards Elphaba for the rooming situation. It wasn’t her fault, so Glinda’s going to try to make her as comfortable as possible.
“Here it is,” Galinda sings, pushing aside some of her nightgowns to show the space. “Just in here!”
It’s the loveliest little place, a daybed with its own private drawer! Galinda also went ahead and folded some of her towels for Elphaba’s usage, because Galinda could spare a few. Some sheets came over the windows, and Galinda chose to leave them up so Elphaba could make the space as cozy as she’d like.
And for a little more personal touch, Galinda left a note on the bed that reads, ‘It’s great!’
Elphaba walks towards the space, studying Galinda. Galinda makes sure her back is straight and her smile is strong. Her mother and father would be proud of how well she’s handling this situation, Galinda thinks as Elphaba leans in.
When Elphaba stands back up, Galinda whispers, “It’s great,” like they could make it a little inside joke. It might be a little hard given Elphaba’s shyness, but Galinda is sure they can make conversation.
But Elphaba doesn’t respond to Galinda’s attempts to reach out. She enters her side of the room and starts walking around it. So Galinda continues with, “It was nothing, roommates do these kinds of things for each other. So I’ve been told.”
Pulling down those sheets makes Elphaba cough, dust flying in around them. Galinda studies her. Is she quietly happy with the space? Is she angry with the room? Is she sad to be separated from her sister? Galinda’s trying her absolute best to be accommodating, but Elphaba isn’t responding.
So maybe Elphaba is the type to prefer things to be strictly business. Galinda can handle that. She gets to the point: “And in return, perhaps you could, uhm…” Galinda tries to find the most delicate way of putting this. Her parents always told her that no one likes it when a lady is too forward. “Let’s see… Put in a good word for me with Madame Morrible? Deal?”
Elphaba continues moving things. Galinda grew up believing that magic was something good and beautiful, something that should come easily to her. And it’s never come easy, not as easily as everything else. But maybe Elphaba comes from somewhere where magic was bad, and she had to hide her powers.
Galinda walks towards Elphaba, grasping for words. Grasping for some way to show Elphaba she can be her true self. “That was you down there who made all that happen. I know it was.”
“You heard Madame Morrible,” is all Elphaba has to say, starting to move a suitcase. Galinda forces her temper down. She’s trying so very hard to be patient with Elphaba, but Elphaba seems to want nothing to do with Galinda. They’re roommates, they can’t hide from each other—there’s not even a wall between them!
“How did you do it?” Galinda asks, slamming her hands over the suitcase. Yes, she should be trying for a more diplomatic approach, but she can’t help her fascination from pouring out. She’s never known anyone personally who could do magic; she needs to know how Elphaba did it. She needs answers, she needs direction, she needs help. “Tell me, please, I can keep a secret.”
Elphaba’s eyebrows furrow as she pushes the suitcase hard enough to knock Galinda back. Galinda gasps, gaping at the audacity and at Elphaba pushing the suitcase across the room.
Really? Galinda’s been nothing but kind and polite to Elphaba. She offered to help them when they met, she’s rooming with Elphaba, and she’s even done her best to accommodate Elphaba in her space! And what has Elphaba done for her besides threaten her social status? Nothing!
People do things for each other. It’s a push and pull, that’s what Galinda’s learned, but she feels like she’s being pulled across the room.
“Fine,” Galinda huffs, following Elphaba. “Be that way! But it really is rather selfish on your part. You know I asked really nicely, and I saved you this whole drawer—”
“I don’t know, I’ve never known!”
CRASH!
The doors slam shut, and glass shatters onto the ground, breaking the door. Galinda gasps, heart hammering against her chest. She stares at it, forcing herself to calm down. It was just the door. You’re okay. Things can still go your way.
Snapping her jaw shut, Galinda looks at Elphaba. At the very least, she wants an explanation. If Elphaba can’t give her anything else, she just wants to know why she did that.
Elphaba looks down before looking at the door. “There.” She walks by Galinda, not looking her way. “Enjoy the air.”
Galinda’s gaze follows Elphaba before dropping to the floor. That did not go well at all. Fuck, that couldn’t have gone worse.
The glass in the door, Galinda notices as she looks back and studies it, is shaped like a triangle and lets wind in. That whisper of breeze is a reminder of the same promise: she will get her magic. It will happen, with or without Elphaba. She can hold out.
ii. anger
Today is going to be a bad day if Galinda is late to class. Her instructor is Professor L.F.B., and he can be a real hard ass. Galinda’s never shown up late before, because that would be anything less than perfect for her, but she’s seen how he treats other students who come even a minute late. How embarrassing that would be!
She just had to wake up late. In that stupid room where she can’t have any of her usual Animal help, especially not with the stupid way Elphaba seems invested in their lives. Animals help people and people help Animals—it’s a mutually beneficial relationship, as the best relationships should be.
But even if Elphaba had approved, the university recently outlawed Animal Assistance, so Galinda has been having to wake up on her own. No Birds to sing her awake, no Bats to pull at her sheets, no Bears to help her to her feet. Galinda has been having to wake up on her own, and she just had the most dreadful night of nightmares, and she slept in.
Galinda rushed through her morning routine. She’s skipped at least a dozen steps of her skincare, but she can’t skip any for her makeup. The sunscreen, the foundation, the concealer, each step is built on the last. And if Galinda is anything less than perfect, then people start to talk.
So Galinda is running around the room, sliding into her dresses and shoes with one hand while brushing makeup onto her face with the other. The art of multitasking is hard for some people, but Galinda thinks she’s gotten the hang of it, at least a little.
With all her clothes on, Galinda stuffs her books under her arm and grabs a mirror to inspect her contour. It looks good to blend, Galinda thinks as she opens the door, and—
“Boo.”
“AH!” Galinda drops her books, mirror, and brush. They clatter to the ground, and despite how late she is, the last thought on her mind is picking up her things. Because there Elphaba Thropp is, smiling unabashedly at her after scaring the everliving life out of her.
“Oh, if you ruined my makeup,” Galinda swears, dropping to her knees and grabbing her mirror. She inspects her contour and breathes out in relief. It blended a little too far down, but it’s still salvageable. Galinda glares up. “You got lucky this time. Not that there’s ever going to be a next time, right?”
Elphaba hums, bending down and grabbing the books. The two girls straighten themselves and regard one another. “No promises.”
Galinda doesn’t have any time to argue, but oh, how she wants to scream. She wants to wipe that smug smile off Elphaba’s face. Oh, how she absolutely detests her. Elphaba acts all high and mighty, and Galinda is sick of it. She’s put up with it for so long, for too long.
But there’s nothing else Galinda can do.
Snatching the books, Galinda storms off to class. She can hold out, she will hold out, but argh!
iii. bargaining
Galinda opens the door, and there is Elphaba, hand reaching for where the doorknob was.
“Oops,” Galinda says at the same time Elphaba says, “Ah.”
The two of them stare at each other for a moment. Then, Galinda stands off to the side to let Elphaba in, and at the same time, Elphaba steps to the side. The two study each other before sharing an awkward laugh.
“I’ll just go,” Galinda says, pointing forward and walking.
“Of course,” Elphaba replies, waving politely as Galinda passes her.
Ever since the Ozdust Ball, every day has been different. Some days, they’re closer than anyone has ever been. They laugh until the sun comes up and then some more. But some days, it feels like they’re strangers again. Like they’re standing and regarding each other for the first time.
No, that’s not the right word—Galinda knows so much about Elphaba. And yet, not nearly enough. What’s it called when you almost know a person inside out, but not enough to draw them from memory? What’s it called when you want to know a person inside out? What’s it called when you don’t know how?
Well, whatever it is, Galinda is sure she can figure it out. She can hold out.
iv. depression
Knock, knock, knock.
Galinda groans. With her eyes still closed and her eyemask still on, she reaches for her lightstand. It flicks on, and she pushes herself up from her stomach. She pulls off her eyemask and looks around the room.
The light reaches just over to Elphaba’s space, where the bed is mysteriously made. Galinda always tended to come in earlier than Elphaba, as Galinda prioritizes a full night’s rest while Elphaba prioritizes hours studying in that book place, so it wasn’t unusual for Galinda to sleep in an empty room.
But the darkness is too deep for the room to be this empty. It’s far too late for Elphaba to still be out. Oh, what has Elphaba done to Galinda? She’s just woken up, her mind’s still struggling to formulate words, and here she is, worrying. It’s going to cause her to develop crease lines; that’s what it’ll do.
Worry provides a rush of adrenaline, helping Galinda push herself out of bed and swing her legs over the edge of it. She wraps her gown around herself and makes her way to the door, opening it.
There’s no one there. At least, there’s no one standing there. Galinda pokes her head out the door to see Elphaba sitting on the ground right next to it. “Elphie, what are you doing?”
Elphaba makes a cute little noise as she looks up, eyes wide as if she didn’t expect Galinda to be there. She’s the one who knocked, isn’t she? “I misplaced my keys,” she says, pushing herself to her feet. “And it seemed like you weren’t in, so…”
“So you just sat there?”
Elphaba shrugs. “I would’ve waited for someone to let me in.”
Galinda rubs her eyes and gestures for Elphaba to come in. They both retreat into the room, dragging a silence with them. The door shuts with a click, and Galinda holds her hands there.
Elphaba would’ve waited. She would’ve sat there and waited all night long. Why does that thought make Galinda’s chest tighten, like someone’s placed a boulder? No matter how hard she tries, she can’t push that boulder off. If anything, it gets heavier and heavier until she turns around and turns her head at Elphaba.
The only sound for a few more clock-ticks is Elphaba preparing for bed. Readying her bed and setting her books down. What was Elphaba doing that would keep her out for so long? No, the question really burning on Galinda’s mind is who Elphaba was with?
No, the question Galinda really wants to ask is, “How long did you wait out there?”
Elphaba looks up. She turns her head in question. “What do you mean?”
“Well, between you realizing you didn’t have your keys,” Galinda starts, approaching Elphaba, “and you knocking on the door… How long did you wait?”
Galinda knows Elphaba. And Elphaba does not lie. So she knows it’s the truth when Elphaba looks at her pillow contemplatively and says, “Ten minutes.”
“What, ten minutes— Elphie!” Galinda reaches for the pillow, picks it up, and throws it down. “Why would you wait that long? I would’ve knocked the second I knew something was wrong.”
It’s moments like these that Galinda remembers that she doesn’t know Elphaba through and through. That they spend day and night together, and there are still moments where they exist as separate souls going their separate ways. That there is still more Elphaba to discover, hiding under a thousand guarded walls.
“I didn’t want to bother you,” Elphaba says simply.
Bother her? Bother her?
And Galinda can’t help it, she really can’t, when she scoffs. Elphaba’s eyes widen, so Galinda elaborates with, “You’re never a bother.”
Because that’s simply the truth. That Elphaba might be stubborn, and she might be hopeless at popularity, and she might be the prettiest girl in the whole school, but she is never a bother. She is never anything less than a friend, even when they quarrel over space and sleep. She is never any further from Galinda’s heart.
“Well.” Elphaba looks down at the pillow, and Galinda almost misses her smile. “If there’s a next time, I’ll be sure to remember.”
Elphaba sits on her bed and settles on it, which Galinda takes as a sign that she should do the same. She travels across the room and finds that she doesn’t want this conversation to end. This makes sense as a good place to end it, and return to her beauty rest, but for the first time in a very long time, she’s looking forward to more conversation.
She situates herself on her bed, tucking herself in while picking the first thing she can think of to say. “You’ll especially not be a bother if you help me clean my shoes tomorrow.”
Elphaba makes sure Galinda is watching before dramatically rolling her eyes. “Sure thing.”
This feeling, this wanting, it’s friendship. It’s a genuine friendship, because Galinda’s had so many friends and none of them felt like this. None of them felt this intense. Because none of them were Elphaba.
Galinda has been doing pretty well lately. Because she has a new friend by her side, she can hold out.
v. acceptance
Galinda has been waiting for a very long time.
In fact, Galinda would say she’s been waiting her whole life. It didn’t matter for what, a party, her birthday, or to grow up, she’s always been waiting for something. The moment she finally got that, there was something she had to be patient for.
She did her best to keep working to keep herself upright between those waits. She did her best to work on her reputation, her appearance, and her future. Because she needs to be perfect for when what she wants finally comes.
Nowadays, she’s unsure what she’s waiting for. Despite Elphaba’s observation that it might be because she doesn’t need magic, it doesn’t make magic come any easier. That means things with Madame Morrible aren’t progressing, and unless she has a change of heart, that means there’s nothing to wait for.
Things with Fiyero have been going okay. Just fine. Fiyero is moodified and always thinking so hard about who knows what, but he’s still the same towards Galinda. They’re still on track to be married by the time they graduate.
Is that what she’s waiting for? Marriage? Now that it’s closer than ever, it doesn’t feel any more exciting. It doesn’t make any of this feel worth it.
So Galinda decided that for today, she would wait for something far smaller than marriage or magic: she would wait for Elphaba.
She’s been waiting and waiting and waiting by the door, her head pressed against the peephole and staring. When Galinda sees movement, she doesn’t even check to see if it’s who she’s waiting for. She just grabs the doorknob and swings it open.
And there Elphaba is.
They smile at each other.
What is Galinda waiting for? She’s not sure. But she knows she can wait it out. She knows she can survive. She knows she can hold out with Elphaba by her side.
vi. grief
Today has been a really bad day.
Glinda’s been having a lot of bad days lately. It feels like she just doesn’t have good days anymore. It feels like she’s never had good days, that they’re just a lie people sold to her to get her to keep living. It feels like everything is a lie nowadays.
But all of Glinda’s bad days pale in comparison to today. She was closer than ever to getting what she wanted, and then—
Glinda wipes her face. It’s sticky from tears. Right now, she feels too numb to cry anymore. Her mouth is dry, and her fingers are tingling, and Glinda opens the door.
And there Elphaba is.
Or, what’s left of her.
Glinda stands there for a moment, burning in the back of her tongue. She’s half-expecting Elphaba to pick up that hat, brush it off, and say something witty about how she forgot it. She’s half-expecting Elphaba to come back. She’s half-expecting Elphaba to tell her it was all just a very, very bad dream.
Although Glinda no longer has good dreams, this is no nightmare. The longer Glinda stands there in silence, the longer the silence is. It’s as simple as that. Because Glinda is the only one here. Because Elphaba’s gone.
Glinda looks up at the window. Look at that: it’s tomorrow. It’s tomorrow, and Elphaba is gone.
Lip trembling, Glinda finds that she can still cry more. A fresh wave of tears falls down her cheeks, making her vision blurry, but she still finds her way to the hat. She collapses next to the hat. Oh, this silly, ugly, beautiful hat that Elphaba still wears. Still wore.
Glinda hugs it closer to her chest and doubles over it. She sobs. She sobs so hard her head hurts. She sobs so hard her throat burns. She sobs so hard her heart breaks. She sobs like she’s never sobbed before, and she hasn’t, not like this.
Sitting up, Glinda half-registers movement. Chistery approaches. “Miss…Glinda.”
In the back of her mind, Glinda knows that his speaking is a significant thing. But in the forefront, all Glinda can think of is how badly she wants to tell Elphaba about this. All Glinda can think of is that there’s no Elphaba for her to tell.
She’ll never be able to tell Elphaba anything again. Elphaba is gone. Elphaba will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry… Or get angry… Oh, how Glinda will miss all her anger, all her annoyance, all her passive-aggressiveness. Oh, how can Glinda hold out? How can she hold out without her Elphie?
Chistery hands her something: a green vial. Glinda reaches for it and studies it. She’s seen this before, but where? It takes a minute for her to find the right memory, her mind hazy and tired. With the Wizard, right, that’s where Glinda’s seen this. That means she’s going to have to visit him.
She knows who she has to go to, what she has to do next. And already, the pragmatic part of Glinda that somehow is managing to still operate is formulating her next steps. What she’ll say and who she’ll say it to and what exactly she should do.
But she’s so, so tired. Glinda squeezes the hat. She doesn’t want to leave. This is where Elphaba last stood, doesn’t that make this place almost holy in a way? Glinda wants to stay here and pray. She can’t remember the last time she did that.
More than that, Glinda wants to cry. She wants to cry and cry and cry, and she does. Her tears won’t stop falling. Her hands won’t stop quivering. Her voice won’t stop breaking. Every bit of Glinda wants to die here. She wants to hug this hat until she fades away from existence and she finds Elphaba in the next life, like she promised.
But…Elphaba wants her to keep going.
If nothing else, Glinda can’t think of any better reason to not keep going. Glinda doesn’t want to. Glinda doesn’t know if she’ll be able to, even. But…she can’t give up now, can she?
She will just have to hold out, if she can, without Elphaba there.