Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It has now been almost a month since Cassian joined his current party by accident, but in that month he had seen more action than he had ever seen living in his shack alone.

But these people gave Cassian a new feeling. A feeling he can’t remember ever feeling… a feeling of genuine trust. He has seen the fight in their souls, he’s seen the determination in everyone’s eyes, the emotion in their hearts, the care in their words. Cassian has been saved more times this month than anyone has in his life by this group.

Cassian will always remember his party mate Eko, the half orc half earth giant that stopped him from facing a nearly invincible foe by holding him in the air like a chicken, his party mate Xexiax the stryx, while although she plane shifted him along with said foe, she had the intentions to save him from getting his neck snapped like a twig, Trillette, who necessarily hadn’t saved him from imminent danger yet, but showed enough kindness to have a genuine heartfelt conversation back on the ship, and everyone else that he has now fought, lived, and technically died next to him.

Is this what family is? Is this what friends do?

They never judged him for his background, they didn’t hate him like everyone on the surface and everyone else back home. He wants to call his party his friends, hell, maybe even his family, but he doesn’t know what a friend is, he doesn’t know what a family feels like, he either drove everyone away or was dumped at an academy by his parents as young as he can remember.

The only family, the only friend Cassian had, was dead.

The only other person Cassian had ever trusted with his life was his twin brother, Tavish. The twin he had lost over 100 years ago back in the underdark, the reason he left the underdark and became an acolyte, running from his problems rather than facing them head on. But how could he? His problems were the queen of the underdark and her closest advisors. Cassian was just a drunken bar fighter, he knew very little magic, only enough to conjure a flame to light his cigs.

Of course he couldn’t stand his ground and fight, so he did what he was good at; running away, like he did time and time again. Like he did when his brother was killed, like he did when lolth advisors found his shack. Like. he. always. did. But now, maybe he’s done running.

These thoughts constantly clouded Cassian’s mind. Wherever he has gone with the party, those sleepless nights in a real bed back at the estate, the nights he spent staring at the stars through the world tree leafs and branches. Every time Cassian punched someone with Tavish’s prayer beads around his knuckles. His mind had been cloudy. But now, with the idea of being able to speak to death themselves.. he had only one thing on his mind; Why.

As the party talked to death, many asked questions they had, got answers they wanted and needed. But Cassian still had only one question to ask.

“Death.. Why did you take my brother from me?”

Cassian could feel the party look at him. No one knew about his brother. He never even hinted at having family. He felt memnoch rest a comforting hand on his shoulder. The rest of the party looked at him with surprised, concern, worry and compassion in their eyes.

Death responded only with "I cannot control when or how people die. I just know it, I'm sorry your brothers was so tragic. It only ended early due to the bad actions of others"

“I understand.. thank you” Cassian was a bit disappointed in the response, but it makes sense. Tavish did die as a result of someone’s actions, it wasn’t death's fault after all, but Cassian was hoping to be able to blame someone for it

After a few more conversations from the party, death had given everyone the opportunity to tie any loose ends they had. Some chose to visit friends, family, and loved ones. Cassian was only reminded he had no one and nothing. He sure as hells wasn’t going back to the underdark. His makeshift home was now abandoned. He had no ties to anything. When death finally asked him where he would like to go in the realm, Cassian responded with only;

“I have nothing or anyone to go to. I’m a vagrant, what you see on me is what I have”

Death knew Cassian would say this, and he had planned for it. Despite death’s occupation, they were a polite being.

“Would you like to visit his grave?”

Cassian stared back stunned. He now had an infinite amount of questions he could ask. He saved his voice, and only nodded. He was skeptical understandably, but In a flash, Cassian seemed to travel through time and realms. Bright colors soared past him until they stopped and he stood atop a snowy mountain top. The sun had begun to set in the back, casting beautiful golden rays across the rocks, the air was crisp and clear, the cold air stung Cassian’s skin a bit. It was simply a beautiful final resting place.

Shortly just In front of him, he saw a tombstone that read;
“Here lies Tavish Rubicon, beloved brother and fierce warrior whose life was cut far too soon”

“What.. how- who put this here?!” Cassian was stunned, almost speechless. Cassian knows where his body was when he left, and he definitely knows he didn’t bury him here.

“I put this here,” Death responded. “He deserved a better resting place”

“It’s perfect. He always talked about climbing the mountains if he ever got to the surface, he wanted to see snow and the sunset, even if it was once. Now he gets to see it for all of eternity. Thank you” Cassian struggled to get his words out, he could feel tears well up in his eyes and his chest grew tight.

“I know. I’ll be nearby when you are finished here, but do take your time” Death told Cassian.

Cassian approached the grave and placed a hand on top. He brushed away the snow that had gathered and took a look at the words again. ‘Fierce warrior’ Cassian thought to himself that his brother finally got the recognition he strived for.

Cassian took a step back and collapsed to the ground. Every thought, every moment he shared with his twin flooded his brain. It was almost overbearing. He pulled out a cigarette, put it between his lips, and using what little magic he knew, conjured a small flame at his finger tip to light the cig. He took a big drag of it and shortly exhaled.

“Hey Tav… I’ve missed you”

Chapter Text

Cassian paused as if waiting for a response from the stone in front of him. After a few seconds passed, The air blew a small puff across the rocks, Cassian took that as a sign of Tavish responding in a way. He took another drag on his cigarette and the smoke left his lips as he spoke.

“I never thought I’d see you again. I bet you never thought you’d see me either huh?” Cassian chuckled. “Here we are, I suppose.”

“Gods I’ve missed you like hell. It’s been so hard without you, not a single day did I not think of you, but I kept living on just like you told me to. I stayed alive” he takes another drag on his cigarette. The ember now got close to his fingers, he snuffed it in the snow. “Oh, get this bro, I made some friends. I’ve been traveling with them for the better part of a month now, they’ve saved me a lot!”

Cassian goes on to describe each and every party member in great detail, their strengths, their goals, their personalities. Everything.

If anyone were around, they’d see the light come into his eyes for the first time in a long time as he told his twin about his friends. The stories he shared, the battle they faced.

Cassian wiped some tears from his eyes that began to well up, “gods, I’m crying over them, I can’t believe it. I never thought I’d feel this much love, I never thought I’d love this way again, especially after I lost you…” Cassian trailed off as tears began to stream down his face.

“Oh hey.” Cassian laughs through the tears. “I think you’d be proud to hear this.. I finally quit drinking! I still got into bar fights up here like I did back in the underdark for awhile, but I just recently stopped drinking”

Cassian paused for a moment again staring at this rock in front of him, once again waiting for a response. When he got nothing he continued.

But Cassian’s tone shifted for a moment

“You were there for that weren’t you? I remember hearing your voice. I remember you telling me to stop before I drowned myself that night”

“That night I was gonna drink until I collapsed, and then drink more until I couldn’t see straight. And then I was gonna drink until…” he trails off.

“That night I heard you call out to me. And I listened, I smashed that bottle across the wall and stormed out of the hut. I remember just walking, sobbing, and falling over my own feet. I stopped to go buy cigarettes since I ran out just before, and when I got back, my home had been ransacked and broken into by lolth advisors. Your intervention saved me, if i was home, I would have been killed.”

Suddenly like nothing happened, his tone goes back to cheerful and calm, Cassian pulled the pack of cigarettes out and held them in front of him “Yeahh, but I kinda picked up your habit of smoking, you ass” Cassian laughed out loud “I use to think you were disgusting for smoking this crap, but it grew on me after some time, especially since it’s the brand you like. It’s always like we’re sitting on the rooftops again together back in the academy, my choice of liquor in my hand and your cig between your fingers, the smell used to linger on you forever” Cassian put the pack back in his pouch.

More silence passed, the sun kept setting, turning from golden rays to beautiful oranges, blues and purples. Cassian looked towards the horizon.

“Oh yeah! You made it! You got to see the sunset in the mountains. I just wish like hells I was there with you when you saw it for the first time” Cassian turned back to the grave. “I remember my first sunrise actually. It was after I found my shelter when I first escaped the underdark. When I made it to the surface, it was already in the middle of the night time. But after some time sitting in my hut, that’s when I saw the sun rise for the first time, it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Everything seemed so alive, vibrant and peaceful. I had never seen such a sight before. Oh and especially the warmth. I never knew how cold and damp the underdark was.”

Once again Cassian’s tone shifted to serious.
“Tavish… I’m so fucking sorry for what happened. I should have fucking listened to you sooner. I should have quit the several dozen times you had to drag my ass back home after I blacked out from drinking or got knocked out. I shouldn’t have been drinking that night. I shouldn’t have done—“ Cassian's voice breaks, it turns to incoherent sobbing and screaming. Cassian falls to his hands while still on his knees, strands of tears fall into the snow as he mourns in front of the stone. The wind began to pick up in speed, damn near knocking Cassian over, he took this a sign from beyond.

Cassian rubbed the tears from his eyes and cleared his throat. “Tavish… Thank you. I will never forget you. I hope wherever you are now treats you kinder, or whatever life you’re living now is a better and kinder one.” Cassian stands up and turns to where death left him “okay… I’m ready to go.”

Death reappears in front of him. “I’ll make sure he hears your words. Is there anywhere else you’d like to visit?”

“I’d like to go to my friends” Cassian responds “Oh! Wait one second, sorry” Cassian runs back over to the grave and pulls out the pack of cigarettes. He places it in front, leaning on the stone “I think you’d appreciate these” Cassian goes back to death,

“okay, now I’m ready”

Once again, colors, lights and realms flash by, death tells Cassian; “I’m going to take you to Xexiax. I think you’ll enjoy the place she is right now”

And in an instant, the colors stop again and he’s face to face with a familiar sight. The bright haired Stryx party member, Xexiax.

“Got everything you needed to do?” The woman asked Cassian with a reassuring smile.

“Yeah.. I did actually” cassian responds with a smile. A smile Xexiax isn’t use to seeing from the drow

“Cmon, I have a place I think you’ll like to visit” the two begin to walk towards a tavern.