Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

            The pain was getting worse again. Zuko groaned and curled up tighter, feeling the soft grass in Tulip’s valley tickle his cheek as the dream-sun warmed him. His head was pounding, and whenever he took a breath sharp, jagged pain tore through his chest. He swallowed back a wave of nausea and tightly squeezed handfuls of the grass around him. It wasn’t usually this bad, and when it was it wasn’t for very long, he just had to wait it out like before-

            His body spasmed and he screamed, back arching, reaching up to grab his hair and pull-

            He thought he could hear voices talking to him, not Tulip’s voice, someone else’s, but the pain drowned out any other thoughts. He tasted blood and started to cough, jarring everything as hooks of agony ripped into him, he couldn’t breathe, help, make it stop, make it-

            “Zuko!”

            Tiny little hands pressed against his face and pulled him back into the dream, distancing him from the pain. He took a shuddering breath, tears streaming from his eye, and looked up to see Tulip there, her bright eyes staring intently back into his.

            “Thanks,” he breathed.

            “Mhm,” she bonked her forehead against his.

            “Is it- is it ever going to stop? Is- is the pain, will it-” his breath hitched as fresh tears flowed down his face.

            “Yes,” Tulip promised. “If your friends brought you back I’m sure they can fix you! You said one of them is really good healer.”

            “She is,” Zuko murmured, closing his eyes again. “M’sorry you h-had to c-come…”

            “It’s okay, Madia and I told uncle Kal what happened, remember? They know I’m coming to help you so they don’t get scared when I fall asleep.” Tulip laid down beside him, warmth from her little body radiating through him. “I’m really good at falling asleep. I do it all the time anyway.”

            A tiny smile tugged at his lips. “Good thing.”

            “Yeah! I’m glad it’s helping.”

            “What were you working on?”

            “Uncle Kal was showing us how to make glass into pretty shapes! I want to make a glass tulip for Madia so she’ll always have it when I’m gone.”

            “Mmm. How do you make shapes from fire and glass?”

            “Well, first you have to get your fire really hot and then you have to get the right kind of glass, or, I guess you need the glass first, but anyway, what you do is-”

****

            She was in the Crystal Catacombs

            (a fitting name considering what she’d done there)

            Zuko stood across the water from her, screaming.

            “How could you do that to me Azula?!”

            “I didn’t mean to!” she tried to shout back, but her lips were pressed shut.

            Her hands were moving of their own accord, sparks flying off them.

            ‘Stop stop stop stop!’ she pleaded.

            She lifted her hands, lightning flickering in them, leaping towards her brother even as she fought with every fiber of her being to pull them back.

            ‘No, no, stop!’ she begged. “Zuko, run!”

            But her brother stayed still, staring at her defiantly even as the lightning flew from her hands.

            Pierced him in the chest.

            Zuko’s face shifted from defiance to betrayal and she dropped to her knees as sparks surrounded him.

            “How could you do that to me?!” he shouted as his flesh burned and his clothes turned to ash and he crumpled before her.

            “ZUKO!”

            Azula jerked awake, gasping, heart pounding from the nightmare. She grabbed fistfuls of her hair and pulled until sharp pains traveled through her skull.

            It was a nightmare, but it was real. Zuko was dead and she had been the one who killed him.

            Zuko was dead.

            It was her fault.

            Tears she couldn’t stop dripped down her face and muffled sobs rattled through her chest.

            When she could breathe again she stepped out of her room and onto the deck of the ship, bracing herself against the railing and closing her eyes as a warm wind tugged on her loose hair.

            She looked down at the water hitting the side of the ship and imagined it consuming her, filling her nose and mouth, her lungs, until she couldn’t breathe and she sank to the dark ocean depths where the sun couldn’t reach.

            It would be a fitting death for a firebender who had killed- betrayed- her own brother, but it was too gentle of a death. Zuko had suffered before he died, his scream when her lightning hit him haunted her nightmares and waking moments.

            She pressed her hands hard against the metal rail, until it hurt. What was the point of anything now? For years her only hope had been to see her brother again and now…

            Now she was the reason that was impossible. Zuko was gone.

            (her fault, her fault, her fault)

            Before leaving Ba Sing Se for home she had considered trying to find the firebenders who had come with the Avatar to rescue his friend and Zuko. Zuko had said that Lu Ten and uncle Iroh were in the city, somewhere, and one of the firebenders who’d escaped had been familiar, but…

            She couldn’t face them. If it were really Lu Ten and uncle she couldn’t face them knowing what she had done.

            (she wondered if they would have killed her for it, or worse-)

            (if they would have forgiven her for it)

            It was her fault, all of it. If she had listened to Zuko none of this would have happened. Even if she was right and the Avatar had brainwashed her brother at least Zuko would still be alive. She would have given anything to know that Zuko was brainwashed and alive, even if he hated her.

            But he wasn’t. She had ruined everything and now there was no bringing her brother back. And what did she have now? An empty palace, an empty victory…

            (an empty room where she used to curl up next to her brother in bed, when they only had each other)

            She had won Ba Sing Se, set the Avatar on the run.

            But she had lost everything that mattered to her, her only reason for living.

            And now, she was truly alone.

****

            He was lying in Tulip’s valley with the green grass soft under his head. The pain was less than it had been, but still present, he could always feel it burning away at his chest, tearing into him like a tiger-wolf if he focused on it for too long.

            The grass felt strange tonight (today? he had no idea if it was day or night, all he knew were the times when the pain was overwhelming and all-consuming and the times where it was less, the times Tulip was there and the times she wasn’t) it felt softer, more uniform, more like a blanket than grass. The wind sounded strange too, like it was turning the gears of some great engine. And the smell on the breeze was…

            Zuko’s eyes flew open as he recognized the smell of soot and coal. He saw red and metal walls and a firey emblem-

            No, nonononono, they couldn’t- they couldn’t have been captured, they had to, no, he, did they escape? had Azula? were the others?

            He tried to push himself up with one arm and cried out as sharp pain lanced through his chest-

            “Whoa, easy there-”

            The voice filled him with panic and he shot out a burst of flame on instinct as he fell back, gasping.

            “Oof! None of that now, little one. Goodness, you’re as feisty as a feverish Roxie.”

            Zuko blinked, frowning as he tried to place the voice. He tilted his head and saw someone with dark hair hovering beside him. “M-Maraly?”

            “Oh good, your memory isn’t damaged. Yes, hello.”

            He coughed. “Wh-where-?”

            “We’re on board a stolen Fire Nation ship,” said Maraly. He felt her press something cool against his forehead. “We met up with Katara and Sokka’s father and his crew. Fancy that, hm? Waterbenders rescuing a family of firebenders, some of them even royalty.”

            Zuko tried to swallow but his throat was dry. “A-ang? T-Toph?”

            “They’re fine, all your friends are fine, little one, you got the worst of it.”

            He frowned, wincing and grinding his teeth as he rode out another wave of pain. “Uncle? L-Lu?”

            Maraly stilled and he felt a blanket of dread cover him when she stayed silent.

            When she did speak, her voice was strained. “Iroh is here, and so are Roxie and Ellie. Lu and Leeli… we don’t know what happened to them.”

            Panic sent a spike of energy through him and he pushed himself up again, even as fresh agony pulsed through him. “N-no, I- we- ahh-”

            His vision went black and he felt like he was going to be sick. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe-

            When he could think and feel again there was something warm wrapped around him and someone was singing. When he opened his eyes he realized Maraly was cradling him in her arms and rocking him (like his mother used to do), singing softly as tears dripped down her face.

            His breath shook and he weakly wrapped an arm around one of hers. She closed her eyes and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

            In spite of his fear and horror, he could feel exhaustion tugging on his soul. Maraly’s singing and the feeling of being held lulled him and his eyes slipped shut and with a weary sigh he let the darkness curl around him again and pull him back into sleep.

****

            Azula stared at the ceiling of her room where she had lain awake for half the night. She hadn’t slept without nightmares in weeks and she knew if she closed her eyes they would return for her.

            She was exhausted, and worse, she was slipping. She could feel her carefully curated control slipping through her fingers every time she snapped at Mai and Ty Lee, every time the Dai Li she’d brought with her questioned her orders with a look, every time fire wrapped around her fingers when she felt rage over her crew’s incompetence bubbling up inside her. She’d shot a fireball that damaged the hull yesterday. She didn’t remember why.

            Zuko’s ghost followed her everywhere she went, in her waking moments and her sleeping dreams. He glared at her on deck and stared at her disapprovingly when she got angry, and in her nightmares he screamed at her in pain and outrage and it tore her heart to shreds.

            She hadn’t had nightmares like this since…

            ‘At least we still have each other, ‘Zula.”

            She snuggled closer to him. ‘And we’re never going to leave each other.’

            ‘Nope,’ Zuko hugged her closer. ‘You’re stuck with me forever.’

            Tears rolled down her cheeks and she squeezed her eyes shut, rolling onto her side, digging her nails into her scalp. She deserved this. She deserved the pain and the nightmares, she’d torn them apart, she’d killed him, she’d-

            “Are you okay?”

            Azula jumped, eyes flying open as she found herself in-

            … a valley?

            A small girl with silvery hair stood before her, watching her with wide eyes.

            “Who- what, where am I?!” Azula demanded.

            The little girl rocked back and forth on her feet. “You’re in my valley. Why were you crying?”

            Azula blinked and quickly rubbed the tears from her face. “I-I wasn’t crying, I- who are you? How did you bring me here?”

            “My name’s Tulip!” the little girl smiled. “And you’re dreaming. This is my dream valley that I bring people to when I get into their dreams.”

            “I can’t- I’m not dreaming!” she snapped. To prove it, she shot a blue fireball at a patch of flowers-

            -and the fireball dissipated, leaving the flowers unharmed.

            “That wasn’t very nice,” said Tulip, folding her arms. “I know some firebenders burn flowers but that doesn’t mean you should!” she bent down then trotted over and thrust a handful of flowers at Azula.

            “Look how pretty they are!” Tulip said cheerfully. “There’s dandelions and violets and daisies and- best of all, tulips!” she grinned. “Like me! I like to make flower crowns out of them.”

            Flower… flower crowns. Zuko had… when they were little…

            ‘You’re never going to sneak one onto me, Zuko!’

            ‘I will, someday, you just wait!’ he laughed. ‘I’ll be so sneaky you’ll never even hear me!’

            “Do you want to help me?”

            Azula looked down at the little girl, fresh tears in her eyes. “Fine,” she muttered, her voice only shaking a little. She sat down, half angled away from the girl.

            Tulip bounced and sat down next to her. “My sister and I love to make flower crowns. I’m the best at it in the whole village.”

            Azula raised an eyebrow. “Because you’re named for a flower?”

            Tulip giggled. “No! Because I practice a lot! My sister does too, but she says I’m better than her. Sometimes we can even get our uncle Kal to make them with us, but he’s not very good at it. But he’s really good in his forge! He said he’d make us flower crowns out of glass and metal someday and then they’d be real crowns because we’re his little princesses and-”

            Tulip chattered away and Azula slowly felt herself relaxing. Whatever was going on, whether this was a dream or a hallucination, nothing was expected of her right now and that was a rare thing, something she wasn’t going to waste by trying to figure out what was happening. And if it took her mind off of Zuko, well… that was all the better.

            So, carefully, fingers clumsy from lack of practice, she started weaving together the flower stems to form a crown.

****

            It was easier the next time he woke up. It still hurt to breathe- dull aches in his chest turning to sharp jabs when he moved too quickly- but it was easier. He could open his eyes and turn his head without spots swimming in his vision, and the smell of soot and the Fire Nation tapestries on the walls didn’t make him panic this time.

            He could feel the rumble of the ship’s engines, feel the push and pull of the waves against the hull. The light in his room was dim and comforting and didn’t aggravate his headache too much. He felt tired down to his bones but also an awareness of every ache and pain in him so sharp that it hurt.

            He listened and his eye roved around the room. He could hear quiet voices coming from somewhere but he couldn’t see who was there. “H-hello?” he called.

            “Sparky!”

            “Zuko! You’re awake!”

            Two small figures crowded his vision and solidified into Toph and Roxie, Toph looking pleased and relieved and Roxie grinning at him.

            “Hi,” he mumbled, trying valiantly to smile back at them.

            “You’ve been asleep forever!” Roxie lamented. “Mama and grandpa said you woke up a few times but I was always busy.”

            He felt the tiniest little bump on his arm and saw Toph trying to glare at him. “I told you not to do that again, Sparky!”

            “Sorry. W-what’d I do exactly?”

            “You almost died again!” huffed Toph. “Don’t you remember? You took a lightning bolt for Twinkletoes.”

            Zuko felt a jolt go through him and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. Azula, lightning, Aang, protect, burning, he was on fire, everything was black, little hands pulling him back and pain, pain, pain, PAIN-

            “Zuko?!”

            “Uh-oh, we broke him.”

            Hands gripped his shoulders and he gave a cry, trying to jerk away, fire pulsing at his fingertips-

            “-do we do?!”

            “-get mama -”

            His chest was on fire, hands clenched so tight they hurt and he barely noticed, he was in the dark, Azula was talking, he couldn’t listen he had to-

            “Zuko, nephew, breathe, you need to breathe.”

            The familiar voice broke through his panic and he grabbed it like a lifeline. “U-u-uncle?”

            “Yes. Take a breath, Zuko, in and out.”

            He did, shaking and crying out as pain shuddered through him. He’d done this before, lots of times, sitting in the garden, meditating with uncle, breathing while little candle flames rose and fell in front of them. Zula always got impatient doing nothing but breathing but he’d always liked it, found it grounding, especially when uncle was there…

            One shaking, painful breath after another, his fear faded and he could see and think and feel something other than agony and terror again. There was a weathered hand on his forehead and another holding his hand. He could hear uncle breathing in rhythm with him and feel tears dripping down his face. The blurry figures beside him focused into a worried Toph and Roxie, both staring at him with wide eyes.

            Toph started to reach for him, then stopped. “Sparky are you- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

            “S’okay,” he murmured. He closed his eyes and sighed. He was exhausted and his body felt too heavy. He could feel himself slipping back into sleep as Toph and Roxie started asking questions and uncle’s steady voice answered. He was fine, he was safe, nothing was going to hurt him while uncle was here (nothing had ever been able to before).

            He could rest.

Chapter Text

            Zuko wasn’t sure how long he stayed weak and feverish, flitting in and out of consciousness as his family and friends watched over him. But one day he woke and could finally tell that it was morning and he desperately wanted to feel the sun’s rays on his skin again.

            Shakily, he pushed himself up and hissed at the pain. His vision swam for a moment and when he could focus again he saw he was lying on a futon and there was a cup and bowl of water nearby along with towels and bandages. He didn’t see anyone else in the room but he could hear voices outside.

            Carefully, he reached out and grasped the cup and drank deeply and gratefully from it. When it was empty he set it back on the floor and pushed himself into a sitting position, squeezing his eyes shut as fresh agony washed through his chest along with a wave of nausea.

            Still, the desire to see the sunlight remained, and he was used to hurt. He gritted his teeth and eased himself up, swaying and whimpering as he managed to make it to his feet.

            He staggered forward blindly, pain blurring his vision, and bumped against a wall. With one hand he felt his way along it and wrapped the other tightly around his chest as sharp jabs traveled through his legs and torso.

            He made his way until he felt the door and, with some fumbling, pulled it open. Immediately he winced at the clanking and grinding sounds coming from the corridor and the brighter torchlight-

            “Well, look who’s on his feet.”

            Zuko blinked and with an effort made his eye focus on a familiar figure standing in the corridor talking to another man. “Uncle,” he mumbled.

            He felt hands steadying him. “What are you doing up, hm, nephew?”

            “I w-want sunlight,” he murmured.

            “Ah,” uncle’s voice softened. “Well, it is a lovely day, and I’m sure your friends will be glad to see you up.”

            “I’d better warn them he's unsteady,” said an unfamiliar voice. “Otherwise they might tackle him.”

            Uncle laughed. “I assume you mean my grandchildren.”

            “Yes. And Toph.”

            Zuko smiled, just a tiny bit, then flinched as a hand suddenly entered his field of vision.

            “I’m Hakoda, by the way, Katara and Sokka’s father,” said the man.

            Zuko blinked.  “Oh. I’m Zuko,” he tried to lift his hand to grasp the man’s but his vision was too blurry to manage it.

            Hakoda didn’t seem to mind and caught his fluttering hand in a firm grip for a moment before releasing him. “So I’ve heard. Alright, I’ll let the others know. Don’t be surprised if Katara comes running down to help.”

            Uncle chuckled. “I would be almost disappointed if she didn’t.”

            Zuko heard Hakoda’s footsteps heading away and felt uncle’s arm wrap around him to support him. “Come, nephew, it’s not far to the deck.”

            He was glad uncle was there, because he never would have made it otherwise. Spikes of pain went through his chest with every step and his vision kept fading in and out. They had reached the bottom of the stairs and uncle was giving him a moment to collect himself for them when footsteps clanked down the stairs toward them.

            “Zuko!” a blur of blue appeared in his field of vision. Katara. “You shouldn’t be up!”

            “He wanted to be on deck in the sun,” said uncle. “Firebenders need the sun just as waterbenders need the moon, it will speed the healing process if he rests in the sunlight.”

            He heard Katara sigh. “Fine, but at least let me help,” he heard the familiar whoosh of her bending. “Zuko, I’m going to wrap your chest in water, it’ll help you move more easily.”

            He smiled, just a little. “Thanks, ‘tara.”

            She made a noise that sounded distressed and his focus sharpened enough for him to see tears in her eyes and he frowned. “What?”

            She quickly brushed the tears away. “Nothing, I just, the only times I’ve heard you talk the past few weeks has been when you’re having nightmares, or- ” she stopped. Shook her head. “It’s just nice to hear your normal voice again.”

            Oh. Well, okay then.

            He felt a cool and soothing feeling wrap around his chest and he sighed with relief as some of the pain lessened. Uncle and Katara helped him up the stairs and onto the deck.

            As soon as his head came abovedeck the sun’s blinding light assailed him and he shut his eyes. But the comforting warmth it brought was worth the extra pain in his head and not being able to see. He hadn’t realized he was shivering until the warmth started to seep into him, easing and soothing his aches, finally letting him relax-

            “Hey, there he is!”

            Zuko jumped and squinted at the sound of Sokka’s voice and footsteps, followed quickly by Toph’s and a pair of lighter ones. “I knew nothing could keep you down for long, buddy!” Sokka crowed cheerfully.

            Zuko turned his squint into a glare even as his mouth curved up in a tiny smile. “Still not buddies.”

            “Okay, but you’re smiling, Toph, look he’s smiling! Ow!”

            Zuko laughed, enduring the stabbing pain that followed. He was glad his friends were alright.

            “Hi again, big cousin!” Roxie called cheerfully. “Ellie has a secret to tell you!”

            “Roxie!”

            “What? Everyone on the ship knows but him! I know you’re gonna tell him.”

            “Tell me what?” Zuko asked, the little smile on his face growing. He felt uncle and Katara ease him down to sit on the deck and one of them wrapped a cloak or blanket around his shoulders. They stayed sitting beside him and the others sat down in front of him.

            Ellie sighed but she was smiling. “Watch.”

            She lifted her hands parallel to each other and as he stared, wind started to gather there, forming into a swirling ball like the ones Aang made sometimes-

            -wait.

            Zuko’s eyes widened. “You- you’re an airbender?”

            “Mhm!” Ellie beamed. “I had to hide it in Ba Sing Se because mama was afraid something bad would happen to me if anyone knew, but now we’re on the run with the Avatar so it doesn’t really matter anymore.”

            He slowly shook his head. “That’s amazing.”

            It was also… comforting, he realized. Because that meant that Aang wasn’t the last airbender, that his people hadn’t killed them all and maybe…

            … Aang.

            He blinked, lifting his head and slowly scanning the deck for a bright spot of yellow. “Where’s Aang?”

            The mood sobered immediately and he felt a jolt go through his heart. “Is he okay?!”

            “He- he’s not hurt,” Katara said quickly. “He’s here, he’s just… he took what happened in Ba Sing Se really hard.”

            Zuko frowned. “What do you mean?”

            “Ba Sing Se has fallen,” uncle said quietly. “Conquered from within by Azula and the Dai Li.”

            “Aang thinks it’s his fault,” Katara continued. “And he…”

            “He’s upset you didn’t let him get hit by your sister’s lightning bolt,” Toph broke in.

            Zuko’s heart skipped. “What?”

            “Aang… thinks that if he had done more he could have stopped it and you wouldn’t have had to do that,” Katara said.

            “But I chose that, I didn’t, why would he…”

            “He wishes you hadn’t had to suffer, nephew,” uncle said softly. “And he blames himself for it, as I blamed myself for what happened to Lu Ten during the siege. And he thinks he was powerful enough to have kept it from happening at all.”

            That was ridiculous. Avatar or not, Aang was twelve years old, he couldn’t do everything. “I want- I want to see him,” he said, as firmly as he could.

            “I’ll go get him,” said Ellie, hopping up.

            Footsteps. He glanced up and saw Hakoda. “Do you kids need anything?”

            “We’re fine dad,” Katara grumbled. Zuko raised his eyebrow. Was she mad at her dad? She’d spoken well of him before, had something happened?

            “How- how did you get a Fire Navy ship?” he asked before the man walked away.

            “We captured it with stealth, and mines,” Hakoda grinned a little. “The soldiers put up a good fight, but they weren’t expecting us. And thanks to your uncle knowing so much about the military we haven’t been caught yet.”

            Zuko glanced at uncle, who smiled a little. Zuko smiled back. He was relieved that uncle had given secret information to their allies as well, it made him feel better about helping plan the Invasion…

            … which probably wasn’t going to happen now that Ba Sing Se had fallen, he realized.

            Quick, light footsteps interrupted his thoughts and he looked up to see Ellie and…

            Aang. With torn and ragged clothes full of burn holes and fuzzy black hair on his head and a haggard, haunted expression that didn’t belong on his face at all.

            “Aang.” He lifted one of his arms out toward the other boy, wincing a little.

            Aang fixed him with the most distraught look he’d ever seen, then ducked his head. He did not come closer or take Zuko’s hand or hug him, he just stared at the ground, his staff clenched too tightly in one hand. “Hey Zuko.”

            Zuko frowned and slowly lowered his arm, confused. “Are you okay?”

            Aang glanced at him, eyes filled with pain, then stared down again. “I should be asking you that, you’re the one who almost died because of me.”

            “I’m not angry,” said Zuko, because that was the only thing he could think of that Aang might be worried about.

            Aang’s face twisted and he said nothing. He’d been like this before, Zuko realized; in the desert he’d been withdrawn and guilty and angry. He hadn’t known how to fix things then and he still didn’t know how to, but he felt he should do something-

            And then something small and white slammed into him, chattering, and he yelped as his thoughts scattered.

            “Momo!” he gasped after a moment. The lemur purred and chirped, rubbing his face against Zuko’s and squawking in equal parts outrage and worry.

            Zuko gave a weak laugh and scratched the lemur’s ears. “I missed you too.”

            “We had to stop letting him into your room because he kept trying to wake you up!” said Roxie. “He’s been really upset about it.”

            When he looked at Aang again the boy had sat down behind the others, knees pulled to his chest, staring out into the distance.

            Zuko sighed. He wished things didn’t have to be like this. His friends didn’t deserve this.

            “So if Ba Sing Se fell…” he said, looking back to the others. “I guess the Invasion won’t work?”

            “Actually, we’re still going to do the Invasion!” said Sokka. “Just… an altered version of it. A small group of us, our dad and his crew and some other allies we have are going to break into the Fire Nation and try to take down the Firelord on the Day of Black Sun. We’ve been using your maps and your uncle’s been helping us plan.”

            Zuko glanced at uncle. “Do you think that’ll actually work?”

            Uncle nodded. “There is a chance it will. I would not be being so helpful if I thought it was a hopeless endeavor.”

            “Are you going to help lead it then?” Zuko asked, the idea sending a thrill through him.

            “I…” uncle glanced out over the water. “I do not know. As much as I would like to come and help you defeat my brother and end this war, a part of my heart lies in Ba Sing Se with Lu Ten and Leeli.”

            “Oh,” Zuko’s heart sank again. He’d forgotten about his cousins. “Do… have you heard anything from them?”

            “No. But the city is under heavy guard. It is difficult even for my connections to find information. But I have to believe they survived.”

            “And aunt Leeli wouldn’t let them brainwash uncle Lu again,” said Roxie. “She’d explode like a firebomb first.”

            “Lu Ten’s memories were returning,” said uncle. “And as an agent for the Dai Li he knew the city and their ways well, as does Leeli. I hope they are simply hiding and will be able to send a message to us soon. Until then I am loathe to abandon Ba Sing Se.”

            “This never would have happened if I hadn’t gone to the Eastern Air Temple.”

            Zuko looked over at Aang and frowned. “You don’t know that.”

            “I could have stopped it,” Aang insisted. “I should have stopped it.”

            Beside him, Katara tensed. “Aang-”

            “The whole world was counting on me!” Aang jerked to his feet, head down. “And I failed them. Just like I failed all of you.”

            “You didn’t-”

            “We lost Lu Ten and Leeli! Zuko died! And for what?! Ba Sing Se fell, the Earth Kingdom fell, and I-”

            Zuko pulled back when Aang lifted his head; the Avatar’s eyes were smoldering. “I failed.”

            Aang opened his glider and Zuko jerked to his feet, swaying and lunging forward, but Aang shot away and flew up to the top of the command tower.

            Zuko heard yells as he pitched forward and a lot of hands caught him and steadied him. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to breathe through the pain and the dizziness and nausea.

            “Has he been like this the whole time?” he asked when he could speak again.

            “No,” said Ellie. “He’s alright when we do airbending training.”

            “That’s the only thing that really distracts him though,” Katara added. “I can’t… I can’t get through to him. It’s like there’s a wall there.”

            “Like the desert,” Zuko murmured. Katara gave him a look and nodded.

            “He’ll come out of it,” Sokka said confidently. “He did then and he will now.”

            Zuko lifted his head and tried to find the bright spot that was Aang on the command tower. He couldn’t. His heart sank. “I hope you’re right.”

****

            He stayed on deck for a few hours, basking in the sunlight and enjoying the company of his friends. Toph refused to leave his side, even after the others dispersed to do other things, and Roxie stayed as well. The others came to check in on him, from time to time, and bring food and tea. It was nice.

            (it would have been nicer if Aang was a part of it)

            “So, Sparky, Ellie’s not the only one who had some exciting bending news for you,” said Toph, grinning. “I invented a new type of bending.”

            Zuko raised his eyebrow. “Oh?”

            “Behold!” Toph slammed her fist into the metal deck and Zuko flinched-

            -then his eyes widened as the metal warped around them, rising and falling like tiny waves.

            “I can metalbend!” Toph said, grabbing a small part of the deck in her hand and twisting then tearing it up and molding it in her hands.

            “And I’m learning how to fix the holes she makes in the deck!” Roxie said cheerfully as she pulled a piece of scrap metal out of her pocket and started clumsily trying to weld it over the hole Toph had made.

            “That’s amazing,” he whispered. “How did you figure that out?”

            “Remember how I got a message that my mom was in the city? That turned out to be a trap. Apparently my parents sent my old earthbending teacher and Shin Fu to drag me back home.”

            His eyes widened. “The guy who ran the Earth Rumble?! Who kidnapped us?!”

            “Yeah, I didn’t think much of their choices either,” Toph leaned back, moving the metal in her hands like it was putty. “They locked me in one of those metal cages and when I couldn’t trick them into letting me out I started feeling the metal and I realized there was earth in it. Because really, metal’s just refined earth. Once I knew that,” she grinned. “I knew I could bend it. And then those idiots were toast.”

            Zuko grinned back. “That’s awesome. Can you-”

            “Ah!”

            He jumped and saw Roxie pull back, shaking her hand. Frowning, he grabbed her sleeve and tugged her closer. “What happened?”

            “The stupid metal burned me,” Roxie grumbled. His heart skipped, but the red marks on her hand were small and not deep.

            He took a breath and leaned over to look at the little hole in the deck to see that the patch was jagged and badly melted. “You’re not heating the metal evenly,” he said. “And you’re spreading your fire out over too big a distance at once.” He held up his hand and called a small, sharp flame to it and let it hover over the metal. “Heat it one bit at a time and make sure it’s fully melted before you move to the next spot. Then use the same amount of heat on that part and so on,” he moved his hand, slowly sealing the metal over the hole. “Until it’s finished. Then let it cool and check it later to see if it’s solid.”

            He leaned back to see both girls staring at him in surprise. He felt his face start to heat and he looked away quickly. “What?”

            “Where’d you learn welding, Sparky?”

            “Yeah, even grandpa didn’t explain it that well,” Roxie frowned. “Or, maybe he did and I just wasn’t listening.”

            He squeezed one hand tightly. “I just, I learned it from a friend, she, her uncle is a blacksmith and she talks a lot. I-I used it a little on the drill,” he glanced at Toph. “But I don’t really know that much about it.”

            There was silence for a moment, then, “Do you think you could melt something onto Sokka’s boomerang?” Toph asked.

            Zuko snorted and winced. “Maybe. I haven’t really looked at it that closely.”

            “Hmm, okay, good to know for the next time he’s being really annoying.”

            Roxie clapped her hands. “In the meantime! Toph! Make more holes in the ship so I can practice fixing them!”

            “No, no, no,” Zuko said quickly. “We’re not making more holes in the ship, if we do that then eventually it’ll compromise the structural integrity of the deck. But don’t worry, there’s always things that need fixed on a ship like this. Ask uncle, I bet he could find you something to practice on.”

            Roxie sighed. “Fine.”

            “Here,” Toph solidified her piece of metal and tore it in two, handing both halves to Roxie. “You can mess with this.”

            The little girl brightened. “Thanks!”

            Zuko smiled and did his best to talk her through the process again. At least there were still little things he could help with, even injured as he was.

            Now if only he could find away to start fixing Aang too.