Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Daichi’s mother had always teased that he would stay by Y/n’s side until the end of time. At 3 years old, Daichi had met the love of his life. He didn’t know it yet, of course, but she was his other half. It seemed like every other day, she was getting into trouble, and Daichi always came to her rescue when she did. She was brash, boisterous, and always itching to stir up the pot of life, even if just a little bit.

Most people had found her a nuisance, a bumbling little spark that no one could seem to get control of, but Daichi… Daichi had become infatuated with her. With every word she spoke, he could feel the tantalizing tendrils of fire lick at his skin. Anytime she was around, he could feel the warmth and light of her being gently brush the side of his face. Some would say that Daichi was Icarus, and y/n was the sun, but he didn’t mind falling if it were at her hands.

The older they became, the more people hoped that Y/n would mellow out and give Daichi a break, but she only seemed to swell more each day with the sweet rippling heat of the sun itself. Anytime she caused trouble, Daichi was trailing behind her, an apologetic smile on his face as he cleaned up after her, and though people pitied him, Daichi couldn’t have been happier. She had found solace in his stable arms, and he had found tender warmth and joy in her teasing smiles.

Sometimes, when Daichi was awake at 4 in the morning, he would sit in his bed and think about how she was the soulmate he never got to have. He would sit and think about all the chances he had to tell her he loved her, he would sit and think about the countless amount of times they got in trouble before she left.

When Daichi woke up, the sun had yet to set, and the birds were still perched and void of movement. His window was still slightly open from the night before, and he could smell the fresh scent of rain and grass dancing among the gentle breezes of wind. For being such a mischievous person, Y/n had loved calm and dewy mornings and the smell in the wind just before the sun rose.

It had only been a few months since her passing, and Daichi had only seen her when they had finally laid Y/n to rest. In some ways, he still couldn’t process the fact that she was gone. He could no longer feel the licking of dangerously tender flames against his skin; he could no longer hear the bite and tease in her voice as she teased him. In some ways, Icarus had lost his sun, and Daichi had lost his ambition the day he lost her.

Leaving some flowers was the least that he could do for her, right? Daichi thought to himself as he pushed himself off of his bed. The floor beneath his bare feet was cold, a shock to the warmth beneath the blankets that she had gifted him one Christmas a few years ago. It was a Christmas that Daichi had remembered well. One where he had once again forgotten to get her a gift while enveloped in his studies. She had insisted it was okay, and to make up for it, he had invited her to a movie night at his house. That night, he had held her tightly in his arms, staring at her with such a loving gaze while she happily watched the cheesy movie that played on the screen, its colors reflecting against the gray walls of his living room. Daichi had figured out that night that Y/n was the love of his life. He just wished he would’ve known it would have been one of their last holidays together.

A bouquet of Lisianthus flowers in his hand, Daichi stood at the entrance of the cemetery, his chest feeling tight, his throat practically collapsing in on itself. Daichi gasped, his knees buckling before he felt the shock of the wet grass against his legs. Standing at the entrance of the cemetery, seeing all the stones and flowers, it made Daichi remember the day of her funeral in almost vivid detail.

That day, it seemed like the sun was plucked from the sky and carefully put away. As he stood by the casket, the stench of chrysanthemums seemed to plague his nostrils. In that moment, Daichi realized just how much hatred one person could harbor for a single flower. He could hear the stifling stutters of hiccuping cries ringing against thundering pellets of rain. At one point, the sermon mixed with the sobs, and the sobs blended in too well with the rain. Grass, rain, flowers they all combined into a stench that Daichi could never forget.

He watched as her casket closed, his eyes glazed over in never-ending pools of tears. He couldn’t move, as the casket lowered, his body froze. The sun was beginning to set with plans of never rising again. He watched as her family grabbed the wretched yellow and white flowers, holding them to their chests before gently setting them atop her lowering casket. Daichi couldn’t move. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye, he wasn’t ready to watch the sun set, he wasn’t ready to see her go. So he stood in silence, tears dripping down his face, he stood behind everyone else as they somberly tossed or placed flowers into her grave. Daichi couldn’t watch, and so, as they begin to cover her casket, he looked away, shielding himself from the death of the sun.

Every time he tried to stand, every time he tried to make his way towards her grave, his body seemed to shut down. He still wasn’t ready to say goodbye, and he knew that, but he wanted desperately to say hello. He wanted to hear her bright laugh as she recounted the day's events. He wanted to hear her turn a mundane Sunday into a studio-worthy drama, even if it were just one more time.

So Daichi stood, on wobbly legs of newborn deer, he forced himself to walk to the splotched, wet, and gray stone that sat comfortably underneath a grand oak tree. As Daichi approached the stone, he saw a head of gray hair sat atop a black coat and beige scarf. Suga. He had forgotten that she was close with the other third years as well.

“Hi.” Suga offered Daichi a soft smile with his whispered hello. When Daichi looked at Suga, he saw the same hurt in his eyes, the same agony and despair. “Tanaka, Noya, Asahi, and Kiyoko left a little bit ago. I was going to leave too, but she hasn’t told me all of her little escapades and adventures she’s had up in the clouds yet.” As Suga spoke, his voice began to break; his words tumbled from his lips, breaking off as they went.

Daichi stared at Suga for a moment or two, the words not registering in his mind, before he broke down. Upon seeing Daichi break, Suga broke as well, his tears flowing down his face like they knew nothing else. Daichi no longer felt warm flames; he no longer felt the tender light. In that moment, he felt only the beginning droplets of rain and the wails of the chilly wind that seemed to sing the harmony to the sad tunes of his sobs.

It seemed that all they could do for forty-five minutes was cry. For forty-five minutes, all Daichi felt was the clouds crying, dripping onto him, and mixing with his own. When he looked up at her grave, he saw white and yellow chrysanthemums placed in the vases. It made his chest bubble with heat and anger. He couldn’t understand why they were still saying goodbye to her, acting like she was truly gone and couldn’t ever return in any way.

When Suga looked at his friend, he saw a pain he couldn’t describe. It was raw, ugly, and broken, among other things. Suga had lost a close friend, but Daichi had lost the one person he loved the most in life. Suga could tell just by the look in Daichi’s eyes that he still hadn’t processed that she was gone. His eyes spoke with untold stories; they brimmed over with stories waiting to be told. Escapades waiting to be illustrated. So Suga wiped his tears and gently took hold of Daichi’s wrists, tugging him softly so he would sit next to him on the grass.

“I would have loved to hear about her last escapades, you know? Her last moments of debauchery.” Suga explained, his eyes focused on the intricately carved stone. Daichi looked up at Suga, his eyes empty and void of light. Their last moments of mischief…

“There was a list. Eight things, there were eight things she wanted to do. I didn’t know she was ill, I didn’t realize why she wanted to do these things, but she just kept pushing the idea of these last eight things she wanted to do.” Daichi’s lips seemingly quirked up into the slightest hint of a smile at the memory of the list. “We did them in order, eight being something she wanted to try, and 1 being something she absolutely needed to do.” Suga nodded his head at the explanation. Daichi began to get a bit more comfortable on the grass, making sure his legs were stretched and not tucked.

“What was the first thing you guys did on the list?” Suga asked, a smile creeping onto his face at the sight of the light beginning to creep back into Daichi’s eyes.

“Well, our first escapade of those last 3 months began like this…”

Chapter Text

She felt numb. A routine appointment landed her in the hospital. Her stomach was coursing with this unimaginable pain, rippling from her abdomen up to her spine. Were stomach aches supposed to give you headaches? God this felt like the worst hangover of her life. As she groaned and curled up on the hospital bed, her body jolted forward. In an instant, her mother was holding her hair back, her father holding a bag to her open mouth. She could feel the heaves rack her body, stripping her of oxygen, constricting her lungs and stomach.

She had stayed like that for what seemed like ages, her body hunched over a bag of sick while her mother rubbed her back. Her body trembled, face sickly and pale. When had it gotten this bad? When had it started? Why had she kept this to herself until now? What if it were terminal? What if it could have been treated if she had come in when it had started?

Y/n managed to sob between heaves, her hands shaking as she wrapped her arms around her middle. Was it the second year? Was that when the unimaginable stomach aches began? Or was that when her drastic weight loss began to eat away at her body? Y/n gagged as she tightly squeezed her mother’s hand, the metallic taste of blood coating her mouth, the sounds of her mother’s cries ringing around her ears.

It all happened in a blur: the tests, the scans, the somber talks of treatments, and lifespan. It was stomach cancer, stage four, and terminal. While her parents sobbed, Y/n sat still. Terminal? Stomach cancer? How? Why? She was supposed to graduate this year, watch the boys go to finals, watch them win nationals. She still had to grow old with Daichi, get married, start a family where Suga was the godfather, and the second years the uncles. She still hadn’t gotten her first sip of alcohol, or done any drugs, she still hadn’t told Daichi that she loved him.

It wasn’t until her parents calmed down that she finally broke. She was going to die in 5 months, maybe sooner. How had she not noticed? She was getting thinner, her stomach pain had caused her to faint, she was vomiting every other day, and she could barely eat. How had she not noticed? Why did she put it off?

She went home that afternoon with a bag of medicines in her hand. There was no way they could treat it until it was gone, but they could give her medicine to keep the pain and symptoms at bay. Her mother entered the house with a dull look in her eyes, and her father headed straight for their bedroom. It made her feel angry in a fucked up way. She was the one who was going to die, so why were they acting like they were going to die?

With teary eyes trudged to her room, gently sitting on the edge of her bed. There was still so much she wanted to do. So many escapades, and only five months to do them. She forced herself to smile when she sat at her desk. She was going to be happy these last few months. She was going to go to every game, she was going to hang out with Daichi every day, she was going to make a list of things she’d like to do with Daichi and complete it before her time came to an end. With a completed list, she looked towards the words at the bottom.

“Number eight. Get drunk with Daichi.” Y/n nodded her head as she read the first things off the list. She’d be damned if she left before getting properly shitfaced. The thought of getting drunk scared her just a little bit, but if she were with Daichi, she was bound to be okay. No matter what, she was going to make sure that he made only good memories with her before she left.

Daichi had stared at his phone in amusement for about two minutes now. Y/n had sent him a photo of her posing in front of her mother’s liquor cabinet. She wanted to get shit-faced, is what she told Daichi. Not expecting to actually get drunk, Daichi had made his way to her home. Living in the same neighborhood had come with major perks when it came to situations like these.

Daichi knew the type of person she was. In some way, she was like Noya, a fiery, energetic, do now think later type of person. Still, knowing who she was could not prepare Daichi for the ungodly number of bottles on the kitchen table. She was serious?

“You were serious?” Daichi stared at the table in disbelief before locking eyes with Y/n, who had a closed-eyed grin on her face. “Y/n, I came to hang out, not get hammered. You’re going to turn eighteen in what, half a year? We can wait til then.” Daichi tried reasoning, but it was then that he saw this look cross her face in a fraction of a second.

Y/n could feel the breath get caught in her throat. If she were lucky, she could enjoy almost five whole months. The doctors were being generous, but it was more likely that she’d be gone in the next three months. Y/n bit her lip and looked at the table of liquor, hoping that he hadn’t caught the grim look that flashed across her face. She didn’t have enough time, but how could she explain that to him?

“Daichi, with the career I want, I won’t have time to get hammered! I want to be reckless and live my life while I can! I’m not going to wait until I’m thirty-seven with a stable job, a nice home, a big family, and a husband to act like I’m seventeen!” Daichi chuckled, shaking his head in amusement before joining her at the table stacked with liquor.

“Alright. I guess you’ve got a point. So, how are we doing this?” Daichi asked as he grabbed one of the glass bottles, opening it and taking a sniff before recoiling at the strong smell. Y/n giggled before grabbing the bottle from him and setting it back on the table.

“Easiest way is to play a drinking game! So let’s pick a show and set up some rules.” Daichi nodded, grinning at the ‘serious expression’ on her face. While she busied herself in finding a show and picking some rules, Daichi stayed in the kitchen, sifting through bottles and shot glasses. She was acting strange; something wasn’t right. She felt dim, a bit cold, and far too serious. Daichi bit his bottom lip, staring at the bottle of Bacardi that sat on the table before him. He was going to figure out what was wrong. He just had to figure out how.

“Daichi! You got the bottles picked out yet?” He jumped back a bit; her voice suddenly breaking him out of his thoughts. Quickly, he grabbed a random five bottles and two shot glasses that resembled cups more than shots. He set them on the coffee table, arranging them before sinking into the couch, his arm wrapping around Y/n’s waist, pulling her snug into his side. He watched with a smile as she cuddled into his side, a soft smile on her lips while she leaned into his touch.

He stared at her lips as she animatedly talked about the drinking game and the show she had picked out. Daichi heard none of it, though; he was trapped by the movement of her soft lips, pleasantly focused on the little shine of light that her recently applied lip balm seemed to reflect. He could kiss her right now, hold her face in his hands, melt against her lips, be enveloped by the warmth and light her body endlessly created.

“Got it?” Daichi blinked, his eyes darting back up to see the silly smile spread across her face. Daichi could feel the blush begin to spread across his cheeks, but he ignored it, reciprocating a smile before filling up their shot glasses with some Jose Cuervo. “Ready?” Y/n had this glint in her eyes as she picked up her shot glass, her body buzzing with chaotic energy. Daichi nodded, picking up his glass and clinking it with her glass before downing the shot. Y/n giggled as Daichi winced, poking fun at the faces he was making before downing the shot in a less-than-graceful fashion.

***

Her throat had become numb with each shot of tequila, her mind pulling blanks whenever Daichi would drunkenly ask her a question. At this point, she couldn’t tell if she was nauseous because of all the alcohol in her system or because of sick that was prodding at her esophagus. Still, she carried on, downing shot after shot of burning liquor.

When she looked to her left, Daichi was hiccuping, giggling at the sounds that tumbled from his lips. She was focused on the way the liquor coated his lips, making them shine in the dim living room light. They looked pretty, just a little pink, and the slightest bit puffy. Maybe it was liquor, maybe it was the illness, or maybe it was just because of how hard she was focused on his lips, but in seconds, she was rushing to the bathroom. Even in her drunken state, she managed to close and lock the door. No matter what, she was going to make sure Daichi didn’t know.

It was the same as always; her hands would grip onto the edge of the toilet seat until her fingers became a sickly grey. Her body would tremble with heaves and gags while the sweat from her forehead would drip into her tired eyes. As soon as she would finish, she would stand and stare at herself in the mirror, admiring the way the blood tainted and stained her quivering lips. It was funny to her, the way she managed to find some crooked beauty in the illness that was stripping the life from her body with each second that passed. It was routine, no matter how grizzly it felt and looked. So with a sigh, she finished her grizzly routine and trudged back to the couch where Daichi had fallen into a slumber of liquor.

***

How many shots had they had? Y/n couldn’t tell anymore. Daichi was seated next to her, drunkenly giggling at everything that happened on the tv before him. His speech was slurred, his smile crooked, and his eyes drooping just a bit. In her drunken state, Daichi appeared like some Greek sex god, perfectly chiseled with a beautiful sheen coating his lips. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she went from horny to sad in two seconds.

“Man, can you believe I’m going to die a virgin?” Y/n slurred, hiccuping between some words. At that moment, it was like the alcohol began to drain from his system. Daichi sat up from his previously slouched position, the haze in his eyes clearing as he turned to look at Y/n who was practically a starfish on the couch. Was this what she had been worrying about? Dying a virgin? Why would she die a virgin? She still had plenty of years waiting for her.

“What do you mean? You’ve got plenty of years to look for that one person.” Daichi tilted his head, his eyes widening as she practically threw herself on top of him. Her head was resting in the crook of his neck, her arms wrapping around his body. Daichi gently wrapped his arms around her, almost flinching when the first few hot tears fell onto his bare neck. Was it the alcohol? Did something happen?

“Please… Please just tell me you’ll be here until the end, please just tell me it’s going to be okay…” He could feel the way her body trembled against his, her hands balling the material of his shirt into her fists. He could hear the shaky breaths and stutters that would escape from her lips. Had he missed something? Did the liquor screw her over that bad? Although that sudden confession had sobered him up a bit, the murky haze of tequila still fogged his mind.

“Of course I’m gonna be here until the end. We’re friends until the end, remember? No matter what happens we’ll be together, always.” His hand gently rested atop her head, his other hand rubbing her back to soothe the ache that radiated from her chest. “I’ll always be by your side, okay? As long as the sun rises and sets, I’ll be here.” Daichi whispered, his lips pressing against the top of her head, watching with a tender gaze as she fell asleep.

***

When Y/n woke up she was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Daichi was gone and the bottles and shot glasses were put away in their cabinet. When she looked at the coffee table she saw a yogurt drink and fruit sandwich, a snack that Daichi would often leave her when he had to leave early for whatever reason. She could feel a smile forming on her face as she tossed the blanket to the side, stretching her arms above her head before reaching to grab the drink. Before her fingers could even brush against the pink bottle, she felt a sudden burst of nausea ram her head and throat. She stood as quickly as she could, her legs doing their best to rush her to the restroom.

She felt her knees hit the cold bathroom floor, her body practically folding in on itself. Her throat was burning, the bitter taste of vomit mixing with the metallic taste of blood as her mouth hung open. Tears dripped from her cheeks before hitting the curve of the toilet seat mixing in with stray droplets of blood and sick.
Her body fell back, hitting the bathroom wall and jolting her from her nauseous trance. With trembling hands, she wiped the sick from her mouth. She was crying, the sting of her throat, and the terrible ache in her stomach becoming unbearable. She stayed on the floor like that for a good minute, trying her hardest to catch her breath, but it felt like fire rushing her throat with each breath she took.

She sobbed as she grabbed onto the edge of the sink, forcing herself to stand no matter how badly her aching body protested. All she had to do was stand and open the medicine cabinet, that’s all she had to do and she could finally rest. Her hands gripped onto the edge of the sink with such force that her knuckles began to pale. Each breath she took rattled her bones, the wheezing becoming much more prominent the longer she held herself up. She couldn’t tell if it was her body recoiling from her illness or if it was her body rejecting the copious amount of alcohol she drank. The doctor did warn her to not take alcohol with her medication, but what did she have to lose right? It was times like these that Y/n was convinced that her parents feared her death more than her.

She of course understood why they felt broken, they were going to lose their daughter, but it should have been all the more reason to make these last few months count. Y/n shook her head as she grabbed her bottles of pills from the cabinet. She was going to make sure she kept her pain under control. No one had to know what was going on with her, she didn’t want people to treat her differently just because she was on the cusp of death.

She could see it now, people being especially nice to her, everyone being careful of what they say to her, Daichi, Suga, and Asahi tending to her every need. It wasn’t something she wanted to live with, after all, she was a prideful person and pity didn’t sit right with her. She was almost too weak to twist the top, her muscles aching as she strained to open the bottle. It’s okay, Y/n thought to herself, a sad smile on her lips.

She had trudged to her room almost immediately after taking her pills, her body collapsing against the firm mattress. Maybe it wasn’t healthy, the fact that she didn’t think about it. Maybe she should have paid attention to it, but who wanted to think about their impending death? And so with a depressive sigh, she let her body sink into the cradling arms of sleep, her mind nestling deep into her future escapades with Daichi.

“Number 7, spend a night stargazing.”

***

Daichi had been anything but focused during practice. At this point, he had run more laps than Noya and Tanaka combined and had done the most dives out of everyone on the team. He was missing passes left and right, consistently coming in short on one thing or another. Though perhaps, what scared his teammates the most was the empty look in his eyes. Had something happened?
“Noya.” They were putting away equipment when Daichi spoke. His voice and words hung heavy in the air, dragging enough to weigh down clouds. Noya turned abruptly, his eyes wide. “What’s that one joke about never losing you, Tanaka, and Y/n make all the time?” Daichi questioned, his eyes focused on the handle of the mop in his hands.

“I’m gonna die a virgin, cause I ain’t ever lose, why?” Noya stared at Daichi, desperately awaiting a response from his out of character captain. Daichi could feel his eyebrows furrow as his mind began to race. Was he looking too deep into it?

Daichi pondered the same thing over and over again while laying on his bed. Y/n was a silly person, there wasn’t a day that went by where one stupid joke after another burst from her lips. Maybe he just missed the joke?

***

Daichi sighed as he turned onto his side, his eyes locking onto the evergrowing stack of polaroids that sat on his desk. It had become an unintentional tradition. Every year they would take a trip and on that trip, they would always take a photo. She was always beaming in those photos, her smile as radiant as ever. She was herself in those photos, and Daichi couldn’t help but notice that she became less and less like herself this past year. He had to be imagining it though, right?

***

Suga stared at Daichi with sad eyes. He looked happy, giving vague details over one of the last nights he had spent with her. Perhaps it was still too fresh, the wound of her death would not heal for a while. With time Daichi would probably be able to give more detailed descriptions, but not now. Not here.

"I find it ironic. I spent most of my life taking care of her. I spent most of my life making sure she didn’t get in trouble, and even when she did, I would get her out of it.” Daichi’s voice was shaking, his hands balling into fists at his sides. The tears began to pool into his eyes once more, his jaw clenching. “I spent so much time taking care of her, and in the end, she was the one looking out for me. She made sure I was happy. She made sure I was sheltered. She worked so hard to build stability for us those last few months, but nothing could have prepared us for the end.” Suga took a step towards Daichi, flinching as Daichi abruptly stepped back, accidentally crushing the yellow chrysanthemums that sat atop her grave.

Daichi’s head snapped down, staring at the yellow flowers with anger. Yellow chrysanthemums. They meant farewell, they meant goodbye, they meant that she was gone. Why couldn’t people understand that she wasn’t gone? Daichi shook his head before turning to leave the cemetery. He didn’t want to be there any longer.

As Daichi left, Suga stared after him, a frown tugging at his lips. Suga sighed, crouching to try and fix the flowers back onto her grave with care. It was obvious to him that Daichi still needed to heal. He just hoped it would be soon, he knew that it was probably killing her to see Daichi in such a state.

“Y'know, you always were the only one that could calm him down. I just hope you can still cast your light on him, even if just for a moment, Y/n…” Suga whispered, smiling tenderly at the plot of land covered in white and yellow flowers before making his leave as well.

Chapter Text

Blood, god, there was so much blood. It covered Daichi’s hands and stained the toilet seat in front of them. She was shaking, her eyes watering as one of her hands clamped around his wrist.

“Daichi, I’m scared, so fucking scared.” She sobbed, her words thick and yet frail. His biggest regret at that moment was not saying enough while she slipped through the fingers of life’s open hands.

Daichi woke up in a cold sweat, his chest seeming to constrict with each labored breath that he took. His face and hands became numb, prickling with an anxious and panicked buzz. He could feel something tugging at his mind, willing him to look closer, but at what? What was there to look at? What did he need to reflect on? With a shaky breath, Daichi sat up, rubbing his face to will away the prickly buzz of panic that spread from ear to ear. How early was it?

Daichi reached for his phone, but before he could check the time, a thundering clap sounded from outside. The strength of the wind made his window panes shudder, threatening to break. He could hear the splintering of trees coming from outside, and then it all went calm. He sat there, stiff and still, his hand gripping onto his phone. It was seven in the morning. There had to be at least one flower shop open, right?

***

Daichi had arrived at the cemetery around eight o’clock. He had spent most of his time at the small shop discussing the different meanings of flowers with the shop owner before deciding on a bouquet of purple hyacinths. He gripped the bouquet as he stood at the entrance, no longer feeling as sick as the last time he had come.

Daichi took a deep breath before taking the first step past the entrance. Though his hands were shaking and his legs felt numb, he willed himself to keep going. He had only come to make sure the storm hadn’t caused too much damage. Daichi wasn’t there to reminisce or think about what he could’ve done or reflect on his traumas. He was there for the sole reason of bringing flowers and tending to her grave.

Every time he visited, someone else was already there, like they were waiting for him to pop up for whatever reason. This time, instead of Suga, Asahi was there, kneeling in front of her grave as he fixed the flowers that had fallen. He seemed deep in thought while he brushed away stray branches and debris. At least someone was tending to her grave, Daichi thought to himself while he approached Asahi.

“Daichi!” Asahi gasped, standing up and brushing off the stray pieces of wet grass on his pants. Daichi offered a small smile, thanking Asahi for taking on a job that he couldn’t help but think was his.

“I didn’t think you would be here this early,” Daichi said as he gently placed the bouquet in his hands atop the wet patch of grass and next to the yellow flowers that Daichi loathed. Asahi rubbed the back of his neck, looking away as he stuttered out a response.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure that the storm didn’t cause too much damage,” Asahi murmured shyly. Perhaps it was all the guilt that made him visit her. He hadn’t said enough, he didn’t say goodbye, he didn’t tend to her final resting place, and he had ignored her and everything about her completely. Everything he could have done, he didn’t do. He didn’t want to discuss, he didn’t want to go into detail and remember, but his chest felt heavy, his heart felt stiff.

“We-” Daichi stopped himself, covering his mouth with his fist. He didn’t want to burden Asahi with his problems; he didn’t want to weep and mourn in front of him. Asahi didn’t need to shoulder his burden.

“Hmm?” Asahi hummed, looking up at Daichi with curious eyes. “It’s early, do you want to go get breakfast or pick up something from Ukai’s shop?” Asahi suggested, a warm smile on his face. Daichi looked up in surprise, surprised by the suggestion. It took Daichi a moment before nodding his head in agreement. His morning wasn’t going as planned, but it was far better than what he had originally planned.

Ukai was sitting behind the counter when they arrived, a dull look in his eye while he flipped through the morning’s newspaper. Upon hearing the little bell, Ukai’s head popped up from behind his newspaper. “We got a new shipment of those yogurt drinks Y/n likes so much. They’re in the back, in case…” Ukai trailed off, his shoulders slumping and his eyes becoming dull. “I’m so sorry, I… I completely forgot.” Ukai said as he looked down at the counter.

“It’s fine. For a moment, I forgot too.” Daichi murmured as he walked towards the snacks. His steps dragged along the floor, his body moving as if it were walking against a current. Why did it have to be this difficult? Daichi stopped in front of the coolers in the back, coming face to face with the very strawberry yogurt drink that Ukai had mentioned. The drink alone brought back so many memories. Every sleepover, every study date, every convenience store trip. With numb and shaky hands, Daichi opened the cooler, reaching in to grab the strawberry drink. It’s not like he liked the drink; they were too sweet and too thick, but at that moment, he wanted a sip of the strawberry drink that always coated her lips.

With a sigh, Daichi brought the drink to the register, thanking Ukai before stepping outside to wait for Asahi while he paid for his meat bun and drink.

“Daichi, I’ve been meaning to ask, are you okay? Not that you have to tell me or anything, I don’t want to pry, I just want to make sure-” Asahi asked as soon as he joined Daichi outside.

“It’s okay, Asahi. I’m doing fine. I’m just trying not to dwell on it. Why focus on something I can’t change? She’s gone. Nothing will change that. No amount of talking or reminiscing…. It doesn’t matter what I do, she won’t come back, so why bother thinking about it?” The smile on Daichi’s lips seemed to fall with every word. His composure was crumbling, and Asahi could sense it as they walked along the pavement.

“It’s okay to be sad, you know that, right? She’s gone, she won’t be coming back, so it makes sense that you’re sad. But it’s okay to reminisce because it keeps the dead alive in an odd way. The less you acknowledge her, the more she’ll slip away.” Daichi’s eyes widened, his breath hitched in his throat. It hurt too much to remember, but in a way, Asahi was right. Asahi continued to walk, not realizing the weight of his words until he heard the creaking of a wooden bench.

“Stargazing.” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper. Asahi took a seat next to Daichi, staring intently at his captain. “We went stargazing. It was funny because we ended up falling asleep and missing school…”

—————————–

The day Y/n was diagnosed was a day that lived in her head rent-free. She was at the training camp with the rest of the boys and had left the day before it ended. From there, a routine check-up became a death sentence. It ran over and over again in her head; she felt like she was stuck in a theatre watching the same film with no plans of leaving.

Practice for the boys had recently ended for the day, and Y/n found herself waiting for Daichi at the gym entrance. It was one of the rare days when her body didn’t feel like it was going to crumble every other second, and with the pain she was constantly in, she didn’t know if she should welcome it or be scared by it. The pain was something she had become so accustomed to that the days when it left her alone made her feel odd. Sad, right?

“You have no idea how happy I am now that you’re back.” Daichi sighed happily as he slung his bag over his back. Y/n chuckled, teasingly poking Daichi in his side.

“Noya and Tanaka were driving you up the walls, huh?” Y/n pressed, grinning as Daichi buried his face in his palms. Daichi nodded against his palms, groaning as he dragged them down his face. They walked in silence for a minute, not a tense silence, but a heavy and comforting silence. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was scared. A week of school had gone by while she lay in her bed, a fake relative’s death being her excuse for her absence. In reality, she was dealing with the aftermath of an ascites scare.

Ascites; it normally didn’t happen until the very end of stomach cancer. Y/n remembered when her father would tell stories of his mother. Her father was only seventeen when he sat beside his mother’s bed, holding her hand as she cried from the pain of her distended stomach. In the end, an infection caused by ascites had taken his mother. It was an ugly and painful thing to go through.

“Are you okay?” Y/n’s head snapped up, eyes wide and round like those of a deer caught in headlights. She almost didn’t notice it, but Daichi’s hand was holding hers, his thumb rubbing reassuringly at the top of her hand. His brows were furrowed, lips pursed just the slightest. She wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe he was thinking about her sudden stillness, maybe his head was racing with the possibilities. Had he caught on?

“Yeah, just a little shaken up. You don’t really think about death until you’ve had to attend a funeral, y’know?” Lies. Y/n gulped. Maybe her lies would convince him.

“Right. It’s a scary thing, but it’s just a part of life. I feel like knowing death is something that can snatch us up at any moment is the reason we live. We live to experience all we can before we die. Or at least, that’s what I think.” Y/n nodded, leaning a bit into Daichi’s side as they walked to the nearest convenience store.

“Speaking of impending demise and worldly experiences. I have a bit of a bucket list. If life’s going to snatch me up, then I’m going to make sure we do these things soon!” Y/n declared as they walked into the little convenience store. Daichi chuckled, grabbing a shopping basket and handing it to Y/n.

“Alright, let’s hear this little bucket list of yours then, yeah?” Y/n smiled, throwing a few bags of chips into the basket.

“If I tell you everything now, then it won’t be as fun! What I will tell you is that we’re going stargazing.” Daichi turned his head to look at Y/n, humming in agreement while he tossed a strawberry yogurt drink into their basket before turning back to the coolers. “Right now.” Daichi was grabbing a watermelon drink when he whipped around, smacking his forehead against the clear cooler door.

“Right now? We have class tomorrow. We need to do this with time so we can at least gather some blankets or something. And how will we get there?” Y/n groaned, throwing a packet of pork rinds at Daichi’s face to shut him up. Daichi huffed, hand coming up in time to grab the packet.

“I can drive, Daichi! If we finish here quick and head to my place, we can borrow my dad’s truck and get to a nice spot in around thirty minutes tops!” Y/n explained, pouting to get her point across.

“I haven’t even asked my mom, I need to-” Daichi rolled his eyes as soon as he heard the whine leave Y/n’s lips. She was an absolute child sometimes, and even though he didn’t want to admit it, the beginnings of a smirk quirked at his lips. He had to live at least a little, right?

***

Daichi felt at ease on the scratchy quilt. The sun was setting, and the stars began to dot the skies one by one. While Daichi rested on his back, his hands resting on his stomach, Y/n was kneeling, comfortably sitting back on her heels. Her e/c eyes traced the faded stars that just barely glowed in the evening light, her lips parted just the slightest. It had been a while since Daichi had seen her so at ease.

“Wow…” Y/n gasped softly, letting herself fall back against the quilt, wincing as her head hit the ground. It was a calm night. Everything felt right. The breeze felt cool, the moon was bright, and the stars shone brightly in the secluded area away from the rest of the town. The moonlight seemed to shimmer off of her s/c skin in a way that made her look like some Greek goddess, and oh, Daichi realized just how much he loved her.

Daichi took a breath, mentally preparing his confession. Right now seemed like the perfect time, right? Daichi nodded to himself, his mouth slightly agape, ready to let his words tumble over the wind like a babbling brook. But then she turned. Daichi felt the heat rush to his cheeks, could practically feel the ways his pupils devoured his irises. She was so close, he could smell the strawberry yogurt that still lingered on her lips. He could make out every detail of her face, the curves and angles of her soft lips and nose seeming to bask in the beauty of the stars. Daichi was in love. That single thought would run rampant in his mind, feeding into a fantasy he longed to fulfill. He loved her; he loved her, god how he loved her.

He felt like he was stuck in time, his eyes glued to the various constellations in the skies to escape the way she charmed him. His heart felt like it was thumping against his throat, like it was trying to kick the words and feelings that got caught.

“Daichi?” He gulped, turning his body so his eyes could meet blown out pupils. Her eyes seemed to dart from place to place, her fingers fiddling against one another as she looked for her words. Why was she so nervous? Daichi thought to himself, his hands instinctively reaching for her hands.

Daichi flinched as she pulled her hands away, instead using them to gently cup his face. Daichi stilled, his heart skipping a bit, the words all but gone in his chest. What was she doing?

It all happened in mere seconds. Her hands-on his face, gently pulling him in before the taste of strawberry yogurt coated his tongue. His hands loosely held her wrists, his eyes shutting with butterfly flutters. It all felt right, basking in the light of the moon and stars, his lips against strawberry yogurt clouds, time seeming to be at their mercy.

It was no longer than a minute or two, but Daichi could’ve sworn that he spent an eternity with his face caught tenderly between two soft palms. Her eyes were wide when they pulled apart, her lips coated in a soft sheen. She loved him, adored him. It was as if he were meant for her, and it made the ache in her chest grow that much more. So she held his hand, gripping it like she would join the stars if he moved just an inch away.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know-” Daichi shook his head giving her hand a soft squeeze. She had nothing to be sorry for.

“It’s okay. I… I enjoyed that, a bit…” Daichi admitted with a sheepish smile, a soft blush beginning to creep onto the tops of his cheeks. Y/n smiled, moving closer so she could curl into his warmth.

“I enjoyed it too.” Y/n admitted, her free hand squeezing between them so she could trace loops and lines on his chest.

They didn’t talk much after that, choosing instead to lay comfortably on the ground with a blanket of silence to cover them. Soon Daichi was asleep, his arms wrapped loosely around Y/n’s waist, their legs tangled. Y/n felt at peace. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she could lay still, her heart stable, the taste of death no longer weighing down her tongue. For once, the incessant pangs and aches that would torment her stomach seemed to cease.

Yet no matter how hard she tried to convince herself, no matter how hard she tried to keep still, the itching in the back of her mind would not quell. This moment would have been beautiful, had death not held her by her jaw, staring its horrible pits of eyes into her soul, laughing cruelly. She knew well that she would not be able to complete everything on her list, not in time, or not without Daichi finding out.

She held onto Daichi’s arms until she fell asleep; she gripped tightly onto his arms every time she felt herself slipping. Through every twinge of pain, through every memory stained by death, she held on. Sleep was something she could rarely enjoy anymore, but tonight, she felt secure, stable enough to drift into a tainted, but pleasant slumber.

***

Daichi had woken up to the sound of two squirrels fighting. The chattering and hissing pulling him from the warmth of his sleep. It took him a minute before he realized where he was. Sitting up, he stretched his arms above his head, yawning and looking around. Since when was his room an overhang? Then it clicked. He looked around wildly, his heart beating out of his chest when he realized Y/n wasn’t at his side. Where was she?

“Miss me?” Daichi looked up, still mildly disoriented from having just woke up. Y/n was still Y/n, but her face seemed more gaunt, the bags under her eyes growing prominent along with the sickly pale undertone that seemed to be taking a liking to her s/c skin.

“Are you feeling okay?” Daichi asked, standing up and walking towards her. She could see the worry in his face. His brows furrowed, forehead creasing while his lips formed into a pout.

“I’m fine, I just went for a little walk since I woke up before you did.” Y/n explained. Her eyes focused on the pinecones that were scattered across the dirt floor. She wasn’t used to lying to Daichi, especially with important things. She found comfort in the way she could be so vulnerable with him, the way she could fall apart in his arms and he’d gently piece her together again. They were both so transparent with one another that lying to him made her feel sick.

Daichi looked at her, unsatisfied with her answer, but dropping it. Daichi knew that when the time came, she would tell him what was on her mind, she always did. With a groan, Daichi bent over, his fingers grabbing the corners of the quilt they had slept on last night. He could hear Y/n giggling behind him before she brought her palm down, lightly smacking his butt. Daichi gasped, standing up instantly and scowling at her while she doubled over, cackling like it was the funniest thing she had ever witnessed.

“Look, just help me fold the cover, okay?” Daichi chuckled, shaking his head at her childish antics. Y/n was grinning from ear to ear, a few tears trailing down her cheeks before she wiped them with her thumb. She seemed to be the same Y/n he had always known, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. It was like something had been weighing her down, clinging onto her back, and sucking the life from her soul.

“Hey so, about last night…” Y/n trailed off, her fingers curling into the quilt as she looked away from Daichi who was standing across from her. Daichi looked up, tilting his head, his eyes trained on her.

“What about it?”

“I- Well-” Y/n took a deep breath before letting her muscles relax. There wasn’t any need for her to be tense. She and Daichi had always had some sort of odd tension between them, and last night it seemed to dissipate the moment their lips met. “What did it mean to you? Are we- I just- I don’t want to ruin anything, but it felt nice. It felt like something we’ve been doing since forever…” Y/n trailed off as she hugged the now folded cover to her chest, practically burying her face in it as to not meet Daichi’s eyes.

“It did, huh? Almost, natural.” Daichi stepped towards Y/n, gently taking the cover from her arms and setting it on the ground so he could take her hands in his. The poor blanket would need a wash later, but Daichi couldn’t care less about the sheet. Right now, he cared about her. “Let’s try, yeah? If it works, it works, okay?” Y/n looked up, her eyes wide. She was being unusually shy, but Daichi couldn’t blame her. She had no filter. It had been that way since they were kids. There wasn’t much that could get her flustered, but she had her moments.

“I’m scared, Daichi. What if it doesn’t work? What if we fall out, and we lose everything we’ve ever had and, and what if we lose each oth-” Daichi heard the way her breath hitched, could feel her body tense, her hand squeezing his. She was terrified. He could see it in the way tears pooled in her pretty e/c eyes, could feel it in the way her hands trembled.

Daichi cooed softly, pulling her into his arms, wrapping one arm around her while his free hand cradled the back of her head. Her hands were gripping tightly onto his shoulders while hot tears dripped onto his chest, and Daichi was sure that his shoulders would be bruised tomorrow.

“Y/n, we’ve gotten into huge arguments where we stopped talking to each other for months, and we always come back. I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to, you’re stuck with me, okay? And I know that I’m stuck with you.” Daichi’s voice was soft, a tender whisper to help put her at ease. He could feel her grip loosen, and could feel the rain of her tears slow. She sniffled as she pulled back, wiping her tears on her arm. They would be okay.

Daichi smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead before using his thumb to wipe any stray tears that fell even after she willed them away. They would be okay. There was a reason that they would always come back, and Daichi firmly believed that it was because they were meant for one another.

“We completely missed school, huh?” Daichi sighed, pressing his forehead to her shoulder. Y/n sniffled before letting out a breathy laugh, one of her hands coming up to card through Daichi’s short hair.

“Ukai’s gonna kill you.” Y/n teased. Daichi groaned, pressing his forehead into her shoulder, grinning to himself when she lost her balance a bit.

“It’s your fault for dragging me on your little escapades,” Daichi grumbled, one of his hands snaking towards her back, quickly giving her butt a quick smack.

“Daichi!” Y/n gasped, ready to retaliate, but before she could even plan her next move, Daichi was already running to the truck, turning his head and playfully sticking his tongue out.

“You’re so annoying.” Y/n huffed as she settled into the driver’s seat, glaring at Daichi when he gave her a smug smile.

“You love me.” Daichi teased, a warm and pleasant lilt to his voice. Y/n scoffed, rolling her eyes while she started the truck.

“Yeah, yeah. Give me some meat buns and I may consider it.” Daichi grinned, completely immersed in their playful banter. Without a second thought, he let his hand rest on her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze when he heard Y/n hum softly. Her eyes alit along with the smile on her face.

“How about we stop by Ukai’s shop and get some meat buns, yeah?” Daichi suggested, his eyes focused on the tress that passed by the windows.

“I don’t think he’d want to see you at his shop when you’re supposed to be at school.” Y/n warned.

“C’mon, we gotta live a little bit, right?” Daichi prodded, practically using her own words against Y/n. He watched as her smile softened, her eyes seeming to glass over. Did he say something?

“Yeah, you’re right. We gotta live a little.”

***

Daichi found himself smiling from ear to ear, his back flush against wet grass. Asahi was spread on the grass next to him, a soft smile etched into his features. In a way, Asahi was right. Daichi felt at ease, his chest bubbling with warmth, his body slack, no longer holding the tension it once did.

“Thank you, Asahi. Really.” Daichi turned his head, smiling at Asahi who flushed from his chest to the tips of his ears.

“O-oh! It was nothing. It’s just- well, we’re all struggling to cope right now. Everyone misses her, but I don’t think anyone misses her as much as you do.” Asahi explained, his eyes focused on the clouds above them.

Daichi hummed in response. He knew he needed to talk, well at least he knew now, but he didn’t know if he was ready to go beyond the good. He didn’t know if he wanted to talk about their final moments, if he wanted to talk about the way she moaned in agony, begging for the doctor’s to help her, he didn’t know if he was ready to open that door and fully process that trauma.

Chapter Text

Daichi’s mother sighed as she sat on the park bench, a watchful eye over her three-year-old son. Daichi was running as best as he could through the sand, finding joy in kicking it up as he ran. The park was empty, filled only by Daichi’s occasional giggles and the creaking of the swings gently swaying in the evening breeze.

Daichi wasn’t always the most social of children, being too shy and scared to play with the other children, and his mother desperately hoped that bringing him to the park would help him open up. It was rare that Daichi would want to play with the other children, preferring to observe them instead. But then she had shown up to the park.

A younger woman with a chubby little girl who couldn’t stop laughing or smiling. From the moment she had wobbled into the park, it seemed to grow brighter. Daichi was instantly drawn to her, his eyes following her all over the park while she ran around with different groups of children.

Though Mrs. Sawamura had to admit that the little girl had quite the character. It seemed like an eternity before Daichi stopped staring and finally walked towards her. The little girl was running around with a group of kids, giggling and laughing while they played tag. Daichi’s mother watched her son, smiling as he slowly started walking towards her, a shy smile on his face.

And then he stopped in his tracks, eyes wide as she ran blindly towards him, head turned to the side to look at her mother with a wide smile. In two seconds, they had knocked into each other, falling into a heap of limbs onto the sand. The little girl cried, face scrunched up, while one hand covered the bruise on her shin. Mrs. Sawamura ran towards the children, looking up in time to see an apologetic and sweet-faced woman rushing towards the children.

Before either of them could get to the children, Daichi had leaned forward, his forehead bumping against the girls with a soft ‘knock’. Both women stood in shock behind their children, watching as they looked up and giggled, wide grins and closed-eyed smiles as they bumped heads again. In the amount of time it took them to realize what had happened, Daichi had stood, helping up the little girl before she pulled him off to her group of friends.

“Oh. Well, that went better than I thought.” Mrs. Sawamura giggled at the stunned look on the woman’s face.

***

“Altogether, we have…… around 580 yen.” Daichi sighed, leaning back on his palms. It was cool outside, the spring breeze wafting between the trees and grass while Daichi and Y/n sat on Y/n’s porch. The convenience store wasn’t too far away, and their parents wouldn’t be home for another hour or so. As two fourteen-year-olds, they didn’t have too many options. It was either wait and starve or walk to the convenience store down the street and bicker over what they would share.

“That’s enough for some onigiri and drinks!” Y/n determined, placing her fist in her hand, a grin on her face. Daichi groaned, shaking his head. He was not in the mood for onigiri.

“It’s enough for some meat buns and drinks.” Daichi corrected a satisfied smile on his face. Daichi could practically feel Y/n’s entire face scrunch from beside him.

“Onigiri,” Y/n grumbled, glaring at the side of Daichi’s face. Daichi scowled, turning to look at Y/n, a dark look on his face. Y/n’s eyes widened, her body trembling. Daichi’s ‘serious’ face was scary, but she would not waver.

"Why don’t we just do one meat bun and one onigiri? Problem solved,” Daichi suggested. Y/n groaned, dragging her palms down her face.

“We discussed this already! Onigiri is like 100 yen each, which leaves 280 yen for drinks and maybe chips! Meat buns are 200 each, which leaves only 180 for drinks and snacks! Onigiri are cheaper and yummier!“ Y/n argued, huffing when Daichi rolled his eyes.

“You two are ridiculous. Just get one meat bun, one onigiri, and you’ll have enough for drinks.” Y/n and Daichi looked up, momentarily breaking their staring contest to see Suga shaking his head above them.

“Suga, one onigiri will not be enough to pull me through the day!” Y/n explained, an exasperated look on her face. Daichi nodded, agreeing with her for once that day.

"Yeah, one meat bun will not be enough!” Daichi echoed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I think you’ll survive. Besides, your guys’ parents will be home soon to make dinner.” Suga reasoned. Y/n hummed, deep in thought. Daichi narrowed his eyes, seeming to contemplate Suga’s words.

“You may have a point,” Y/n mumbled. Suga smiled, reaching down to help Daichi and Y/n up from the porch.

“Let’s go then, yeah? My friend’s grandma runs the convenience store down the street and said they’re having a special on onigiri, so let’s go!” Suga whined. Y/n giggled, standing up and sticking her tongue out at Daichi.

“Told you Onigiri are more cost-efficient!”

“Those were not your exact words!” Daichi grumbled, standing up to trail behind Suga and Y/n.

***

It was one of those rare Saturday afternoons that Ukai had given them off. With nationals inching closer and closer, their free time seemed to be growing thinner. Practices took up most, if not all, of his time. Yet still, he made time to go visit her. With winter fast approaching and the snow threatening to fall, Daichi found himself bringing her fresh flowers as often as he could.

Walking into the cemetery no longer had the effect it once did. The smell of chrysanthemums still stung his nose, but his rage was becoming less and less. He had taken Suga’s and Asahi’s advice, keeping her alive through his memories. It was a nice sentiment, and maybe it wasn’t how he wanted to spend his life with her, but it was much better than acting as if nothing had happened. Yet still, he was running out of things to talk about with her, the only things left being her list and her death. And while Daichi was happy to laugh and talk about their air balloon ride and their night under the stars, he was still not ready to remember how she died in his arms, face scrunched in agony, eyes glassed over as she realized her death was inching nearer. He didn’t want to think about the way she screamed, squeezing his hand purple while she begged the doctors to make it stop. Daichi sighed, pinching his temples and shaking his head. Not yet. He still had good things to talk about.

Daichi took in a deep breath, relishing in the way the crisp December air stung his nostrils and chilled his chest. Lately, there had been no one to greet him at her grave, only flowers left by the other boys who would come on their free time, even some things from Bokuto and Kuroo, who had been friends with her when her family moved to Tokyo for a few years before coming back, their friendship being rekindled at the training camp.

He had recently become friends with the owners of a small flower shop. They were quite the pair, the old lady being very brash and opinionated, keeping the old man laughing and on his toes. The old man was serious, her exact opposite. He seemed to keep her grounded, stable, and unwavering. In some ways, Daichi could see Y/n in the woman, and himself in the old man, and it made his heart ache. He wondered if they would have led a life like that. Old and wrinkled, yet still full of life, a little shop all their own, crawling with grandchildren every Saturday, their children coming in every Monday to help carry heavy vases.

This time, Daichi held a bouquet of yellow tsubakis in his hand. He grunted, settling in the cold and stiff grass, placing the bouquet next to the purple bell flowers that he could only assume one of the boys had brought her.

“Sometimes I feel stupid for coming to talk to you. You’re dead, donezo as you would say… Sometimes I come and see Suga sitting here just talking the day away, telling you about everything, and I feel stupid. I just- I don’t know why everyone’s okay with it, and I’m not. You’re not suffering or anything anymore, but-” Daichi could feel his jaw clench, his eyes snapping shut to prevent any tears, but they fell. They spilled as if fleeing from a broken dam, dripping down his face onto his pants and shirt. He felt stupid.

It had been so long, and he thought he was getting over it. Just last week he had sat with Asahi and talked to him with a smile on his face. He attended practices and acted as a good captain should. He felt fine, so why was he crying? Why did things suddenly become hard? How come all his progress seemed to get washed away by tsunamis of sorrow?

“Kou, she doesn’t like bell flowers!”

“Tetsu- yes she does! Which one of us did she go to school with, hmm?”

“Ugh, you, but-”

“Exactly! I know her better than you do!”

Daichi looked up, his vision blurred by his tears, his body trembling and weak. Hurriedly, Daichi wiped at his eyes, hoping to wipe away any traces of his pain.

“Huh, Daichi? Are you okay?” Bokuto’s voice was soft, full of worry and sympathy. His eyes were rounded and soft, a small frown tugging at his lips. Daichi nodded, sniffing and turning to look at the trees behind him. He was fine. It had been months, he had to be fine at this point.

Daichi could hear both captains huff before plopping down beside him, the bottom halves of their faces covered by scarves. Bokuto turned to look at him, his smile hidden behind his scarf but present in his warm eyes. Kuroo offered Daichi a smile, reaching over to place the purple bell flowers beside Daichi’s bouquet.

They sat there in silence for a moment, Bokuto twiddling his thumbs while Kuroo stared off into the distance, eyes focused on nothing in particular. Daichi could hear Bokuto fiddling beside him, humming while he played with his scarf. Who knew encounters outside of the court could be so awkward?

“Hey, uhm, not to be rude, but are you feeling okay?” Bokuto asked, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in worry. Daichi looked up in surprise, his eyes locking with Bokuto’s.

“Uh, yeah. I’m pretty okay, I guess. It’s just hard…” Daichi mumbled, his hand holding onto the back of his neck, cheeks dusted over with a soft blush.

“Well, at least two of us are doing okay. Bokuto seems to bawl his eyes out every other day just by thinking about her. You’d think they were soul mates with the way he cries.” Kuroo scoffed, leaning back on his palms, gazing at the clouds in the cold and gray sky.

“We weren’t! We were just good friends, and it hurts to lose someone you cared about! I may not have been as close to her as Daichi, but she was still my friend and I miss her. A lot, okay!? And at least I process my feelings instead of being a jerk like you!” Bokuto retorted, tears pooling in his eyes, his hand reaching up to pull down his scarf so he could yell at Kuroo. “Maybe if you had an Akaashi, you would know how to process your emotions in a healthy way!” Bokuto added, turning his entire body, his lips in a pout while he sniffled. Daichi’s eyes widened as he looked between both males. What happened?

Kuroo’s eyes seemed to soften, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Daichi chuckled when Kuroo gave him an apologetic smile before crawling towards Bokuto to sit next to him, his arms wrapping around Bokuto.

“Kou, I’m sorry, bro. I know it’s hard, and you’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you, so forgive me?” Bokuto wrapped his arms around Kuroo, nodding his head before pulling away to wipe his tears away.

Daichi couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face and the laugh that left his lips. Their bickering reminded him of the way Y/n used to pick fights with him when she was bored. It made his chest fizzle with warmth, his cheeks feeling warm and pink with joy. He understood why she adored those two as much as she did.

“What’s so funny?” Bokuto huffed, his mitten clad hands still wiping at his eyes. Daichi shook his head, the grin still on his face.

“It just reminds me of the way Y/n and I used to argue.” Daichi chuckled, staring at the silver bracelet on his wrist with fondness.

“Tetsu! What if we’re soulmates!” Bokuto gasped, his hands gripping Kuroo’s shoulders, shaking him. Kuroo groaned, but couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face.

“You’re my world, bro!” Kuroo declared, laughing at Bokuto’s antics. Daichi felt his smile drop a bit. They thought Y/n was his soulmate? Was she? Daichi stared at the flowers, deep in thought. Perhaps they were soulmates.

“Oh! That reminds me! Y/n promised to tell me about the carnival! But, you know…” Bokuto mumbled, his eyes focused on his crossed knees. Daichi looked up, his eyes seeming to twinkle a bit at the mention of the memory.

“Oh! Yeah, for sure, She got a spike to the face that day…” Daichi admitted, a bashful smile on his face.

—————————

Garbage. That’s the only way she could describe the way she felt. Her face clung onto a sickly pale and yellow undertone. The meat that used to reside on her bones had become a snack for the reaper that loomed above her head. Her eyes were like grainy and murky pearls resting in the deep and hollow pits of clamshells, and her cheekbones spiked through her skin like mountain peaks. Okay, so maybe she didn’t look that horrendous. In reality, she had shed maybe ten pounds? But she felt disgusting, her body wasting away into nothing. At her doctor’s appointments, she was told that she was surprisingly healthy, told she was fine, and maybe it was because they weren’t living with death that they didn’t see what she saw.

Yet, even with the constant threat of death, she found something to keep her happy. At the moment, it was her relationship with Daichi. As promised, they tried. It wasn’t all kissing and cuddles; it wasn’t just romantic, but Y/n liked it. She liked the warmth that spread across her body whenever Daichi held her hand. She lived for the way he gazed at her. She adored the massages to her scalp, the kisses to her knuckles as they laid in his bed. The study dates, each celebratory hug after each game that was won, the little bits of intimacy that suddenly were sprinkled all throughout their interactions. It was subtle, nothing to hoot and holler about, but it made her happy.

As per Daichi’s request, the events on her list were now planned, having a time and date. Though she lived for the spontaneous moments in life, she also liked knowing when things were happening. Even a person as chaotic as she could enjoy stability from time to time.

Y/n hummed to herself as she rolled in the five-gallon cooler filled with water. Kiyoko trailed behind her, checking things off of her clipboard and occasionally shooting Y/n a question or two.

“Y/n-San!” Y/n looked up in time to see Noya and Tanaka running at her, hands outstretched to try to catch the volleyball that Asahi had accidentally sent flying her way. She couldn’t move, her feet practically glued to the ground. Before she knew it she was stumbling and tripping over her feet, her body falling onto the hard gym floor. Y/n groaned, holding the side of her head, her vision out of focus and her temples throbbing. Everything was spinning, and the familiar burn at the base of her throat began to bubble. Before Daichi or anyone could react, Kiyoko quickly helped her up, rushing Y/n to the bathroom.

Y/n cried as she hunched over the toilet, Kiyoko rubbing her back to comfort her. It hurt, it hurt so bad, and all Y/n could do was sob and heave as the sick and blood flew from her lips. She hated that Kiyoko had to see it, hated that someone knew. No one was supposed to know.

“Y/n…” Y/n looked up at Kiyoko to see her hand covering her mouth, tears welling in her eyes. “W-we need to call an ambulance, or-or take you to the doctor-” Kiyoko stuttered, her hand shaking as she reached for her phone.

“No! N-” Y/n heaved, gagging and wincing as nothing came up. “Please, no. I’m okay. I-” Y/n shuttered as she wiped the blood from her lips, looking down at the back of her hand to stare at the blood. “Sit.” Y/n patted the floor next to her. The bathroom floor was filthy, but she couldn’t find the strength she needed to stand. She still felt so light-headed, her vision going in and out of focus. Kiyoko nodded, sitting down beside Y/n, her hand still gripping her cell phone.

“Please. Don’t tell anyone, I- I don’t want anyone to get upset.” Y/n stuttered, wincing as she hiccuped, the taste of sick and metallic blood coating her mouth and tongue. Kiyoko stared at Y/n, her eyes soft and sad. Though her hand was still trembling, she reached out, gently taking Y/n’s hand into her own.

“I have terminal stomach cancer.” Y/n whispered, her hand gripping onto Kiyoko’s with a vice-like grip. It was the first time she had admitted to anybody that she was sick. It was the first time she had acknowledged she was sick. Y/n looked away, covering her mouth with her free hand to muffle the soft sobs that spilled from her lips. She was sick. Dying, she was dying and there was nothing that could cure or save her. No amount of treatment in the world could kill the cancer that was already spreading through her body, tearing it apart like a rabid and hungry animal. She was dying.

Y/n shook her head, her body trembling violently, the sobs spilling from her lips growing in volume. Oh god, she was sick. Kiyoko sniffled, pulling her into a hug on the filthy bathroom floor, holding her tightly against her body as she sobbed into her shoulder. Y/n was heaving, crying and practically screaming into Kiyoko’s shoulder, the hurt reverberating through her chest, filling the bathroom with a solemn haze. Soon, there was nothing left of her voice, her mouth meekly hanging open in a silent scream, her erratic breathing rocking her body to the core.

It’s not like Kiyoko hadn’t seen it. In fact, most of the other boys had probably seen it too. Her eyes, though still bright, were now dull. Her body seemed to be subtly wasting away, the fullness of her face subduing. She wasn’t gaunt; she wasn’t terrible, but anyone who knew her well enough could notice it.

———————-

Daichi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose while Asahi, Noya, and Suga bickered in the background. Noya had been teasing Asahi for the past fifteen minutes about how his spike knocked Y/n to the ground. Suga had kept telling Noya to leave Asahi, but Noya was relentless in his attacks, leaving poor Asahi sulking and damn near close to tears.

“Short stack! Leave Man Bun alone or you’ll be running laps!” Ukai screamed, his eyebrows furrowed with anger. Daichi laughed, shaking his head as Noya instantly stopped, practically trudging back to the court to work on his receives. While they were poking fun at Asahi, Daichi couldn’t help but wonder how Y/n was doing. She had taken a spike to the face, and was struggling to get up, her face going pale while she stumbled over her feet.

Speak of the devil, Daichi thought to himself, breathing a sigh of relief as Y/n walked back into the gym, Kiyoko right by her side. Daichi stared at her as she walked by, his eyes raking over every detail of her face. She seemed a bit dizzy, her eyes glassed over and her skin a little ashen, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. He hummed to himself, his eyes focusing on the redness of her eyes and the swelling of her cheeks. Had she been crying? Daichi turned around, eyes meeting Ukai’s, silently asking for permission. Ukai gave him a curt nod and Daichi silently thanked him before jogging towards Y/n who was sat next to Kiyoko on the stage.

“You okay?” Daichi asked, taking her hands in his, his thumbs brushing lightly over her knuckles. Y/n sniffled, leaning forward and letting herself be caught against Daichi’s chest. Daichi grunted, chuckling as she buried her face into his chest.

“Did it hurt that much?” Daichi teased, bringing a hand up to gently massage the back of her head. Y/n huffed, pulling back to butt her head against Daichi’s.

“Jerk. If you caught one of Asahi’s spikes with your face you’d be crying too!” Y/n retorted, sharply turning her head so Daichi could only see her cheek.

“Wow. So that’s how it is!” Daichi huffed, leaning forward to nudge his nose against her cheek. He laughed as Y/n gasped, eyes going wide with embarrassment. He loved seeing her get all flustered. She obviously wasn’t doing too bad, but Daichi still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

“It is! Now hurry so we can go on another escapade! You take way too much time in the shower to be idling by!” Y/n said, pushing Daichi away from in between her legs so he could join the others.

***

“Okay, can you tell me where we’re going?” Daichi asked, leaning slightly to the left to lean his head against Y/n’s shoulder as she drove. Y/n huffed, shrugging his head off of her shoulder before pulling into a relatively empty parking lot. “Is this- are we at an amusement park?” Daichi stared at Y/n with disbelief. An amusement park?

“Yes, sir!” Y/n chirped happily, unbuckling her seatbelt to practically jump out of the car. Daichi sighed, dragging himself out of the car. It’s not that didn’t want to be there, but the smell of hotdogs and grease, fried foods, and the occasional pile of vomit were not the least bit appealing to him. But the smile on her face was all he needed to look at to go along with her plan.

She called them escapades, little adventures they took based on her bucket list. She always seemed to be teeming with glee whenever they completed one. Her eyes regained their usual glint, her smile was no longer restrained, and the color even began to seep back into her skin. It was the only reason Daichi let himself be dragged along.

“So… Games or rides?” Y/n questioned, taking his hand in hers as they walked into the park. Daichi hummed, looking around the park and contemplating his options.

“Games first. I wanna be corny and win you a huge stuffed animal.” Daichi said, nodding his head with determination and placing his fist on his palm. Y/n laughed, shaking her head in amusement. She was relaxed, leaning into Daichi’s side and playing with his hand as they looked for their first game.

“Bet you I can win you a stuffed animal before you can!” Y/n teased, pulling away from Daichi, a sly grin on her face. Daichi tutted, staring at her in surprise. Her competitive streak hadn’t shown itself in a while.

“Oh? How much do you wanna bet?” Daichi questioned, leaning close to her face, a smirk on his face.

“If you lose, which you will, we go get onigiri!” Y/n grinned, leaning forward, almost closing the gap between them.

“Fine. If I win, which I definitely will, we go get meat buns.” Daichi declared, closing the gap between them to capture her lips in a playful kiss. Y/n pulled away, casting her gaze off to the side while her fingers played with the bottom of her shirt. As flustered as she was, she would not lose!

***

It took a while before they finally settled on ring tossing. It took a lot of bickering and convincing, but there they were, glaring at each other as they practically ripped the rings out of the poor worker’s hands.

“I’m gonna beat you, Sawamura.” Y/n threatened, her gaze still locked onto Daichi’s.

“That’s rich coming from you, L/n.” Daichi’s voice was cold with a playful lilt, the same smirk still plastered onto his face. Y/n tutted, breaking the staring contest to instead focus on the game. Not because Daichi’s smirk made her flustered, totally not because of that, not at all…

Daichi laughed, practically throwing his head back at the scowl that adorned Y/n’s face. Y/n could feel her face scrunch, but she paid no attention to Daichi or his antics. She took a breath before throwing her first ring, groaning as it clung to the rim of the bottle before slipping off.

“What’d you say, L/n?” She could hear the stupid smirk in his voice. God, she wanted to punch him in his stupidly handsome face sometimes. Daichi gave her a smug look, tossing one of his rings and waiting for it to land. Only it didn’t, not even close. It flew short, falling before it could reach it. Y/n could feel the laughter burst from her chest like water flowing from a broken dam.

“Dude! Oh my god! You should see the look on your face right now!” Y/n was cackling, doubling over and holding onto her sides, wheezing while tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. Daichi was hunched over, eyes locked on the fallen ring on the dirt floor. He? Missed? Daichi watched as Y/n stood back up, her cheeks glistening with tears of laughter. He had four rings left, he still had a good shot of getting all three bottles.

“Doesn’t count,” Daichi grumbled, scowling when Y/n continued to tease him.

“Daichi! Watch this!” Y/n called, easily tossing a ring onto the rim of the bottle. Daichi stood straight, eyes locked onto the rims. He was going to win. He wasn’t the most pride obsessed person on the planet, but he’d be damned if their dinner wasn’t some tasty, big, and juicy meat buns. Y/n straightened after leaning over to throw her third ring, visibly deflating when it missed. She had two more rings, and only two bottles left. Daichi still had a chance.

Daichi cleared his throat, standing tall when Y/n turned to look at him with confused eyes. He made sure to make a grand display, picking up the ring with exaggerated gesture and leaning over with his butt sticking out before daintily throwing the ring, watching with a smile as it spun around the rim before falling in place around the neck. Y/n groaned, turning away instead to focus on her bottles. She was a prideful person, and losing a bet she made did not sit well with her at all.

“And we have a winner!” Y/n looked up in surprise, mouth hanging open as Daichi smugly stood with his hands on his hips.

“Take your pick, Y/n.” Daichi’s smile was wide, spreading across his face and leaking into his eyes and the red tips of his ears. Though her pride had been badly bruised by the loss, she couldn’t help but feel giddy as she pointed to the massive frog that sat atop the rest of the plushies. Daichi thanked the man running the stall as he gave him the frog, turning to place the stuffed frog in Y/n’s open and waiting arms.

“Thank you.” Y/n murmured, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss to Daichi’s cheek. She could feel the warmth rush into his face the moment she pulled away, his mouth hanging slightly open.

“It was nothing,” Daichi admitted, rubbing the back of his neck while he looked around the rest of the park.

"More games? Or do you wanna go on rides?” Y/n asked, her chin resting on the top of her frog plush. Daichi tapped his chin in thought. They had many options here. They could waste their money on more games and probably not win prizes because let’s face it, these games are rigged. They could use their bracelets to their advantage and ride every ride they had to offer, which probably wasn’t a good idea as both of them had really bad motion sickness. Or they could gorge on all the greasy and fried foods until they were stuffed sick.

Daichi loved food, adored it, but he knew he wouldn’t be ab;e to enjoy the soggy grease smothered fried food on sticks without Ukai yelling at him. The games, though fun, would only cause an argument. For as much as he loved her, sometimes he just wanted to shove her into a pit. Daichi was a bit of a sore loser, and Y/n an even bigger one. Some rides weren’t too bad, not all of them were roller coasters that would make them throw everything back up.

“What if we ride the carousel?” Daichi suggested, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side.

“We’d look like idiots.” Y/n deadpanned, looking up at Daichi with a serious expression. Daichi rolled his eyes, sighing through his nose.

“Since when have you cared about looking like an idiot?” Daichi shot back. Y/n scoffed, turning her nose upwards.

“Excuse you, but I am a very dignified person!” Y/n retorted. She watched as Daichi laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, his head tilting back. Did he really think of her that way? She knew he was joking, but she couldn’t help but bite the inside of her cheek with worry. Did he think she was an idiot?

***

Y/n laughed wholeheartedly as she hoisted herself onto the metal horse, watching as Daichi situated himself on the horse next to her, sitting straight and tall, mimicking some fake posh pose.

“Madam,” Daichi said seriously, pretending to tip his ‘hat’. Y/n stifled her laughter, trying her best to curtsy on the horse.

“Good sir,” Y/n replied, the grin creeping back up onto her face.

Daichi hummed to himself happily as Y/n pulled him around the park, going from game to ride to food to game. She was buzzing with energy, pretty e/c eyes glimmering in the red, blue, green, and orange light of the park. At this point, they had gone on almost every ride, save for the rollercoasters. The only ride left was the Ferris wheel.

“C'mon!” Y/n tugged at Daichi’s hand, pulling him closer to the giant and lit up wheel. They were some of the last people left at the park, and the lines for everything were now a lot shorter. In a matter of minutes, Daichi was sat next to Y/n, the giant frog on the ground next to the operator. Y/n looked up at Daichi, a grin on her face as she leaned into his side.

She felt happy, warm, and safe. She felt it all the time, bubbling in her chest and fluttering in her stomach like butterflies. But she was tired, drained, and depleted. It took everything in her to not fall asleep on Daichi; it took all her energy to smile and giggle. She felt joy; she felt as if she were basking in a clear pool of nostalgia and warmth, but the irritation seemed to find a way into the pool to taint it. She felt nice, so why did she want to scream? Why did she want to cry and curse the world and everyone in it?

You’re so stupid, you’re going to die, idiot, Y/n thought to herself, sinking further into Daichi’s side, her gaze focused on the moon that began to rise. Was it really that late? The ride came to a halt, the carriage that Y/n and Daichi sat in stopping at the very top. Y/n looked over the side, gasping as she surveyed the park, eyes skimming over various stands and lights.

Pretty. It was one of the few ways Daichi could describe the sight. The various colors of lights that bathed the park in shades on blue, green, red, and orange shone like a soft glow off of Y/n’s s/c skin, reflecting on her cheeks like little ponds of light. Her eyes were open and round, mouth slightly agape. Pretty.

Y/n turned to look at Daichi, a wonder-filled grin on her face. Daichi smiled, his eyes tender. He leaned forward, one hand cupping her face, his thumb gently stroking the skin beneath it. Y/n relaxed under the touch, leaning into it. They stayed like that for a moment, Daichi stroking her cheek while she sat relaxed and still with closed eyes. And then Daichi was leaning in, pressing a warm and slow kiss to her lips. Y/n could feel the fire prickle underneath her skin, crawling to the tips of her toes and fingers. She could feel a buzz prance on her face, she could hear her blood rushing and heart beating. Daichi’s hand dropped to her neck, giving it the lightest squeeze, his palms feeling like silk draped against her neck.

Y/n pulled away, pupils blown and lips parted. She could feel Daichi’s eyes studying her entire face, taking in every dip and angle, memorizing every beauty mark like they were constellations in the sky. Before she could steady her breathing, Daichi was dipping his head, pressing his lips to hers once again, gently nipping at her bottom lip before pulling away.

“Is this okay?” Daichi whispered, his eyes closed, lips closer to her jaw now than they were before. Y/n gulped, her gaze flitting down to Daichi before nodding. Daichi stayed still for a minute, relishing in the heat of her skin. Then before he could think, he was peppering kisses along her jaw, gently working his way down to her neck. Y/n gasped, body jolting when Daichi’s lips brushed against her neck. Daichi chuckled, brushing the area with the tip of his nose, a smile sneaking onto his lips when he heard a giggle slip past Y/n’s lips.

Tenderly, he pressed a kiss to her neck. Nothing more, nothing less. He stayed still, the silent question hanging in the air. May I? He could feel the way her breaths became just the slightest bit sporadic, he could feel every jolt, hear every gasp and giggle. Could he? And then Y/n was holding his hand, giving it a soft squeeze. Daichi pressed one more kiss to the area before giving it a swift nip, quickly pressing his lips to it to soothe the soft nip of pain. Y/n giggled at the sensation, her laughter quickly being drowned by soft gasps as Daichi began to bruise the skin with his lips and teeth. Daichi pulled back, pressing one final kiss to the patch of skin before lifting his head to give Y/n a soft smile.

***

Daichi had been scrolling through his phone, waiting for Y/n in the truck while she made a quick trip into the convenience store to pick up the meat buns they had bet on. She had insisted on going into the convenience store with her giant plushie, stating that it was because she was in love with it, and not because she wanted to show a friend of hers who just so worked there. It had been well over fifteen minutes before Y/n stepped into the car again, a sour look on her face and the bag with the meat buns in her hand. Daichi didn’t even have to ask her what was wrong. As soon as she sat down she was going off about some lady in the store.

“She called me childish! Said I was probably irresponsible and then lectured me! Stupid lady, ruining my night.” Y/n grumbled, giving Daichi his meat buns and leaving hers in the bag so she could drive. “You don’t think I’m childish and irresponsible, right?” Y/n asked, her eyes focused on the road. Daichi stilled, his face shoved into the savory pork bun. He did not want to answer that. “Daichi?” As much as he loved her, even Daichi could admit she was a bit of a handful sometimes. She managed to get in trouble wherever she went, and there wasn’t a day that went by where Daichi wasn’t dragging her out of that mess. But Daichi adored it. Even if it meant getting in trouble with the neighbors and his parents. She was his constant reminder that life was meant to be lived.

“I think you can be all those things and more, but it’s charming,” Daichi responded truthfully, chuckling when Y/n perked up in her seat.

“Thanks, Dai,” Y/n murmured, keeping her eyes on the road as to not make eye contact with Daichi.

“Meat bun?” Daichi offered, pulling one of the buns from the plastic bag, unwrapping it, and holding it to her lips.

“I prefer onigiri.” Y/n teased, leaning forward to take a quick bite from the bun.

***

Bokuto leaned back on his palms, a soft smile on his face. Daichi sighed, his eyes focused on the hem of his coat. He wondered, what happened to her frog?

“It’s comforting to know she was happy those last few months,” Kuroo admitted, his hands on his knees. Daichi looked up to see Bokuto and Kuroo gazing out at the sky, eyes focusing on the different clouds that billowed across the cold, grey skies.

“It is, huh…” Daichi agreed, allowing himself to relax and smile. It was nice to think she had been happy. At least for a little bit.

Chapter Text

Daichi was exhausted. With nationals inching nearer every day, his free time became less and less. It seemed like he lived at the gym, the hardwood floors becoming his bed, and the net becoming his blanket. It had been almost two weeks since he had last gone to visit Y/n. He was certain that the old couple at the flower shop was wondering where he had gone.

It was cool when he finally left the gym, the other boys staying behind to either put in extra practice or hangout. Daichi felt bad, leaving the boys while they put in more work, but it had been so long, and her grave was most likely barren by now. Daichi hated that. He hated that people who barely knew her mourned and grieved her loss like they were friends, hated that they used her name in vain, hated that they would claim they knew her to get sympathy from those who didn’t. He despised the way her grave was brimming with chrysanthemums for the first month. One whole month, and then it was as if she simply stopped existing, her name lost to the ever-changing clouds and winds of life. Daichi had concluded that he hated death.

He had decided on a pretty bouquet of yellow roses. Did they have meaning? No, they were simply beautiful. Just like life, Daichi thought to himself, burrowing deeper into his thick coat and scarf. It was cold, way too cold to be out, probably, but it had been so long since he had gone to visit. A few moments in the biting cold couldn’t hurt him that much, right?

“You’re gonna get a cold, Daich,” Daichi could feel his body stiffen, the voice barely a whisper along the shell of his ear. Stiffly, he turned around. His eyes were watering, ready to spill over with tears, but he couldn’t tell if it was because of the wind and falling snow, or because of her voice. He swore he had heard her, her voice soft yet clear as crystals. For a moment, he was convinced that he saw her standing in the snow, a playful grin on her lips. Daichi’s hand reached out a moment too late, her body dispersing with the swirling wind and snow before he could reach her. For the second time, he was too late.

“Are you okay?” Daichi turned around, surprised to see Kiyoko standing at the foot of Y/n’s grave. Daichi felt like ice and lightning were clinging to his body, shocking him frigid and stiff. Surely it was just his imagination, right?

“Oh- yeah, just a little cold. It’s nice to see you,” Daichi said, walking over to stand beside her. Kiyoko offered him a subtle smile before crouching to place her bouquet atop the snowy ground.

“I’m sorry.” Kiyoko murmured, straightening up and closing her eyes to hide the pain that welled in pools. Daichi’s eyes widened, shaking his head vigorously. It’s not like Y/n’s death was Kiyoko’s fault, so why was she apologizing? “I knew…” Kiyoko whispered, slowly but surely losing her composure. Daichi felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart dropping to his stomach. Did she know? “I knew, I knew, and I said nothing. She didn’t want me to. It felt wrong, and- and I thought you should know but-” Kiyoko covered her mouth with her hand, her teeth sinking into the flesh of her palm, but the muffled sob still slipped through the corners. Daichi stood frozen to the ground. The only thing he could see was the swirling white of the snow. Through the patches and swirls of wind, he felt like he could form a figure, slowly walking towards Kiyoko and holding her in its arms. He closed his eyes, harshly rubbing his palms against his eyes. She was dead. There were no figures, no ghosts, nothing. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. That’s all it was.

“I should have told you, I should have said something, but you were so happy, and her smile was the biggest it had been since July-”

“You wanted her to be happy, you wanted to make sure she was smiling before she couldn’t smile anymore,” Daichi interrupted, his words being slowly dragged from his lips and into the winding winds of winter. Kiyoko took a shaky breath, nodding and wiping the tears that slipped from the corners of her eyes. “Thank you. It must have been difficult, so thank you, Kiyoko,” Daichi looked up at Kiyoko, offering her a smile.

***

Y/n could feel the way her nose scrunched, her lip curling in disgust. Kiyoko, who stood beside her with a broom in her hands, giggled.

“Sawamura-kun! Sawamura-kun! You’re so handsome! Sawamura-Kun, I play wing spiker too! Ugh, disgusting.” Y/n practically snarled, gripping the broom tightly in her hands. “I mean, really, I’m right here, I’m not dead yet! They could have some decency!” Y/n huffed, muttering to herself as she aggressively swept the gym floors.

“Don’t joke like that, please,” Kiyoko murmured, stopping in her tracks to stare at the dirty wood floor. Y/n stopped, looking up from her broom to apologize to Kiyoko. It had been a hard week. Y/n had spent most of her nights curled in bed, her body shaking and her chest caving in. She was getting weaker, and waking up in the middle of the night to throw up was becoming more and more difficult. Her worst night was by far Wednesday night. She had woken up with brittle, twig legs, her head feeling hollow, her heartbeat just barely there. She could feel nausea swirling in the back of her throat, the metallic taste of blood manifesting on her tongue, coating it to prepare her for her routine. She had thrown up before she could get out of bed, falling asleep in her own sick and blood before she could call for help. In the morning she had been cleaned up, and her mother had kept a bin at the bedside. Y/n felt like a senile old woman, lost in her own home, helpless and scared.

“They look ridiculous though, don’t they? Squeezing their knees together and making those stupid pouts and faces,” Y/n pointed out, snickering along with Kiyoko at a particular girl who was overdoing it with the whine in her voice. Y/n sighed, turning her head to focus on her sweeping. It was ridiculous, really. The school couldn’t care less about the volleyball team, but now that they win their games the entire female population wants to show up at the gym doors and swoon over the team?

Y/n chewed on the inside of her cheek, eyes zoned in on the second year who was standing in front of Daichi. She was tiny, no taller than maybe 155 centimeters, with curly black hair and vibrant yellow eyes. Was she gorgeous? Absolutely, Y/n couldn’t deny it, but she was also stupidly smart. Smart, gorgeous, well mannered, and level-headed? She hated to admit it, but a pit of tar felt like it was forming at the bottom of her stomach. Hina, that was her name, and she was everything that Y/n was not.

***

Daichi hummed as they walked to Ukai’s convenience store. It was a tradition at this point, heading to a convenience store after they got done with class to pick up a snack or a light meal before a study date.

“So, what’s today’s escapade?” Daichi asked as they walked out of the shop. Y/n scowled, not paying any mind to Daichi.

“Didn’t Hina ask you on a study date? Tiny, smart, y’know, curly hair? She was all over you and you can’t even remember?” Y/n practically hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. Maybe she was being ridiculous, a little insecure, and a bit silly, but Hina was a smart girl. She was kind, calm, and rational. Someone who held herself with a certain air of elegant confidence. She thought before she spoke and was simply everything that Y/n was not. Surely Daichi would leave her for someone who was more put together, someone who wasn’t fraying at her seams, right? Someone who would stick around for longer than a few months.

“Is that what this is about? You’re ridiculous,” Daichi scoffed, shaking his head and massaging his temples. Y/n stiffened, her eyes focused on her shoes. She was being ridiculous, and any rationality in herself lately seemed to be thrown out the window.

“So what if it is!? God, I can’t believe you let her grab you and flirt with you and hug you!” Y/n yelled, feeling the heat of anger storm her body. Whether she was angry at Daichi or herself, she didn’t know. She was running out of time. Soon enough, Daichi would start his life, and probably get married to Hina while her corpse sat in the dirt, rotting away inside a casket she, unfortunately, would have to pick.

She watched as Daichi closed his eyes, letting a frustrated sigh leave his lips. She was being ridiculous, and it didn’t matter that she knew she was being difficult. She had stood up and started this argument, and she’d be damned if she backed down by just a sigh and a frustrated look.

“I’m going home,” Y/n grumbled, glaring at the ground as she walked.

“Well, you’re shit out of luck, we have the same route and we’re next-door neighbors,” Daichi huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets. They walked in silence, neither of them uttering a word. It was tense, awkward, and clunky. Daichi would have usually solved the argument by now, reeling her in with gentle and reassuring words. He knew that few people could get along with her, and knew that she hated the way she was, but something had been off. She wasn’t telling him something, and it hurt. Since when did they keep secrets from one another?

Daichi said nothing as they split, each one of them slamming the doors of their homes. Daichi sighed as soon as he closed the door, groaning as he rubbed his hands over his face. Did he really have a study date with Hina? Surely he would have remembered if he did, right? The girls had practically swarmed the third years, buzzing with the excitement of a strong season. It had been a while since Karasuno had this good of a team, and the energy of their new first years seemed to rub off on their peers.

Daichi was trapped in his thoughts, his mind buzzing. They had an escapade today, so why did he promise Hina a study date? He had been standing in the living room for fifteen minutes, oblivious to the knocking that had started on the door, until a loud knock hooked him into reality. He took a deep breath, plastering a polite smile on his face before opening the door, only to see Hina. So he had promised her a study date. Great, Daichi thought to himself, mentally smacking his hand to his forehead.

“Hey!” Hina practically chirped, making her way into Daichi’s home. Daichi offered her a smile he hoped wasn’t too fake. He felt awful. These little escapades were something important to Y/n, and they always brought such a lovely smile to her face. Something had been bugging her for a while, Daichi could tell she was constantly in thought, her lips chapped and raw from how much she would chew on them. He also suspected that she had been a little sick for some time. A sickly yellow undertone clung onto her s/c skin, her face seemed to get thinner each week, and she was constantly getting exhausted. Daichi hoped she was taking care of herself.

 

“God, he’s so stupid!” Y/n complained to Suga as she laid on her bed, her phone resting on her chest while on speaker. Suga laughed from the other end of the line, a light, and clear sound. “Or maybe I’m just insecure,” Y/n huffed, shoving her head further back into her pillows.

“Yes, and yes. He shouldn’t have said yes to Hina, he had a commitment to you for today. However, you also know that it’s hard for Daichi to say no sometimes. For as scary as he tries to be, he’s really just a sweet old man,” Suga pointed out. Y/n giggled, folding her hands atop her stomach. “Don’t stress, okay? You’re practically his soulmate, and he talks about you non-stop. I mean, he always has, but it’s so much worst now!” Suga whined. Y/n could practically see the way Suga’s hands moved to prove and stress his point. They would be okay.

***

Daichi was trying, lord was he trying. Hina was a super sweet girl, but god was she boring! Looking back at it, there was really no reason for him to accept a study date from a second year. They didn’t have any classes together, and this was most likely just her trying to ask him out.

“Sawamura-Senpai?” Hina asked softly, amber eyes round and innocent. Her voice was soft, barely grazing his eardrums. She was cute, but so. Utterly. Boring.

“Oh! Well, would you look at the time! I need to start dinner before my mom gets home! It was nice having you over. Hope you pass that test!” Daichi’s words were rushed as he helped scoop notebooks and pens into her bookbag, not paying any attention to the pout on her face. Before she had the chance to speak or comment about how his mom was already making dinner, he was ushering her outside. If her mother’s car hadn’t already been waiting for her, he would have felt bad shoving her outside.

“Now that that’s out of the way…” Daichi mumbled to himself before walking into his bedroom. He felt bad, honestly, he did. Y/n probably had a whole elaborate plan set up, and he had blown it off without realizing it. He hoped that some snacks and games could help ease the situation.

***

Y/n sighed as she stepped out of the shower, plopping down onto her bed and sitting there for a moment. She felt refreshed and calm. The giant frog sat in the middle of the bed, it’s fake and beady eyes focusing on her back. She sighed as she pushed herself up and off of the soft bed, turning to stare at her back in the mirror. She was shedding weight faster than the family dog would shed hair in the winter, and she could see it clearly on her skin. Y/n’s eyes focused on the juts and indentations of her back, s/c skin seeming like a tightly bound cloth on a canvas. She wasn’t the skinniest person; she knew that, and maybe she was the only one who could see all the rigid lines.

Humming to herself, she walked to her closet. As she rummaged through her clothes, she couldn’t help but think about what her funeral would be like. Would they dress her in all black? Or maybe they would dredge her body in sunshine yellows, with rays of orange and petals of red? Would her face be dusted pink and pretty? Or would it be left bare as to how her family knew her? Would people she never knew attend? Would they cry in pain? Wallow in self-pity? Would they celebrate her life or mourn her loss? Would Daichi be alright?
Grabbing an oversized beige sweater, she pulled it over her head, gliding across her sunflower rug to her drawers to quickly pull on some shorts and fuzzy socks. She wouldn’t be going out today, so there was no need to be picky. It wasn’t until she was dressed that she turned to her desk to pick up the box of orange fairy light her parents had bought for her that week. Halloween was her favorite time of the year, and the light orange bulbs gave a spooky pop above her head and on her white bedroom walls.

“Pretty snazzy, huh froggy?” Y/n turned to ask the frog, her hand on her hips, and a grin on her face

“Very.” Y/n looked up, eyes wide at the sudden intrusion of Daichi’s voice. What was he doing in her room?

“Weren’t you on a date?” Y/n sneered, plopping onto her bed, her arms crossed over her chest, her lips pulled into an angry frown. Daichi’s left hand was hidden behind his back, his brown eyes apologetic, lips pulled into a worried frown. He didn’t know how he got roped into a study date with a second year, but he had.

“Onigiri?” Daichi murmured, bringing his left hand out into view, a plastic bag with snacks, candies, drinks, and Onigiri in his hand. Huffing, Y/n turned away from Daichi and clambered onto her bed, taking the plushie in her arms and leaving space for Daichi on the bed. He grinned, setting the bag on the nightstand next to her desk before letting himself fall back first onto the mattress. Y/n let herself sink further into the bed before tossing the frog onto the ground, turning onto her side, and pulling her phone from underneath her pillow. She loved being in Daichi’s company, but she couldn’t be bothered right now. If he wanted someone to pay him attention, he could go off and search for Hina for all she cared. Daichi rolled his eyes, rolling onto his side and wrapping his arms around her body. Y/n grunted, trying to shrug his arms off of her but to no avail. Eventually, she settled into his arms, tangling her legs with his while she mindlessly scrolled through TikTok.

“How about we catch up on some homework?” Daichi suggested, pulling away from her warm body and sitting up on the queen-sized bed. Y/n’s eyes flickered from her phone to Daichi’s face, catching a glimpse of the tender look in his honey brown eyes

“I’m all caught up, how about I set up the switch and I can wreck you at Mario Kart?” There was a teasing grin on her face as she sat up, stretching her arms over her head. Daichi watched as she lowered her arms, the too-big sweater draping down her left shoulder. His hand reached out before he could stop it, calloused fingertips brushing against soft skin, lingering a bit too long before pulling up the sweater. He could hear the way her breath caught in her throat, feel the way her body shivered at the contact. Daichi looked up, his gaze locking with her’s for a minute too long before Y/n abruptly pulled away, busying herself on setting up the console. Daichi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and busied himself with setting up their buffet of snacks on her desk. It would be a long night.

***

Y/n grunted as she plopped herself onto her bed, her body facing the screen in front of them. Daichi was sitting behind her, slouching against the headboard, his legs splayed on the bed. The lights were off and the orange lights cast a warm glow over their heads

“See something you like?” Daichi asked, wiggling his eyebrows an excess amount. Y/n rolled her eyes, turning away from Daichi while he laughed from behind her.

“You wish!” Y/n turned back around, sticking her tongue out at Daichi. Daichi mock gasped, clutching a hand to his chest before feigning hurt. “Big baby,” Y/n teased, reaching forward to flick Daichi’s forehead. Daichi looked up, catching her wrist before she could get any closer. Y/n pouted, ready to pull away and press start, but Daichi pulled her in, their noses touching, shallow breaths fanning each other’s lips. Y/n could feel the soft gasp escape her throat, her pupils devouring the e/c of her irises. They stared at one another for what felt like years before Daichi brought up a hand to lightly flick her nose. Y/n flinched, huffing before glaring up at Daichi who was glaring holes into his lap, a furious blush on his face.

***

“I knew I’d win!” Y/n declared, standing in front of the television with her hands on her hips. Daichi chuckled, tossing his controller on the nightstand next to him.

“Why don’t you come say it to my face?” Daichi teased, sitting up from his slouched position and giving Y/n a challenging grin. Y/n let her hands fall from her hips, climbing onto the bed and crawling onto Daichi’s lap so she was straddling him.

“I. Win.” Y/n’s voice was barely above a whisper, her face only centimeters from Daichi’s face. He watched as she lowered her body, settling her entire weight on his lap, her hands coming to rest on his chest. He could feel the blush spreading across his face and feel the heat radiating from her body. Daichi felt the breath catch in his chest, a subtle warmth spreading across his body. He didn’t allow himself to think anymore, he let his body move on its own. And suddenly, his lips were crashing against hers, his hands wandering over her hips, squeezing them softly, groping what he could.

Y/n’s breaths were ragged, quick puffs of air escaping her lips between their kisses. Her hands were shaking, nervous, and cold as she cupped Daichi’s face, her thumbs and fingers finding purchase on smooth skin. At that moment, all that there was in the universe was them. Just her and Daichi locked away in her little bedroom of orange glow and silk covers. She thanked whatever deity above that her parents had gone to visit her aunt today.

They stayed like that for a moment, groping each other, memorizing each other’s mouths and bodies, their fingers dancing in and around curves and dips. And then Daichi’s hands were slipping under her sweater, freezing her skin and prickling her senses. Y/n gasped, pulling away from the kiss, her hands bracing against Daichi’s chest. She looked beneath her, letting herself become enveloped in sticky honey eyes. He was staring at her with such a soft look, his hands coming out from beneath her sweater to cup her face, rubbing the soft skin of her cheeks.

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything, you know that right? I’m sorry for assuming, you kissed back, and I thought- I’m sorry, I should’ve ask-” Daichi blinked in surprise, not registering that her lips were trailing soft kisses along his jaw until she was nibbling at his Adam’s apple.

“It’s okay. I want this, please. I know that you’ll stop the moment I ask. I trust you Daichi, so much.” Y/n mumbled, bringing her head up to gaze into his intoxicating eyes. Daichi nodded, eyes wide and chest warm. He trusted her, and she trusted him.

Without waiting another moment, he leaned forward, capturing her lips in another burning kiss, his hands trailing underneath the sweater to rub her sides, taking pleasure in the way her body shivered at his touch. Leaning his head to the side, he let her lips wander, leaving little nips and kisses on any skin that was left blank, as if it were a canvas for only her to paint.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Daichi mumbled. Y/n sat up, letting him pull the sweater off her body, and gasped as he quickly sat up. Y/n watched as he pulled the shirt off of his chest, admiring the muscles along his body before Daichi dipped down, letting his lips trail from her neck down to her shoulders.

“I’ll always trust you,”

***

Daichi smiled, watching as Y/n gently rested her head on his chest, her face warm and eyes lidded. Both of their bodies were sticky with sweat, glistening beneath little orange lights, but it was okay. Daichi wrapped an arm around her body, his fingers lightly massaging her hip. He watched as Y/n’s body twitched at the touch, her eyebrows furrowing as she swatted his hand away. It wasn’t his first time, but he could tell by the way that her thighs quivered beneath his fingertips, that it was her first time.

He remembered when they were second years, how she had said something about wanting to wait for the right person. Was he that person? Had she been waiting for him? It made Daichi feel guilty. He had been in love with her since middle school, and his feelings only seemed to grow in high school. He had busied himself with different girls, a few of them hanging around long enough to become a past girlfriend and body. God, he felt like such a whore.

“Why’re you making that face?” Daichi blinked, eyes flitting back to Y/n’s face. The corners of her eyes crinkled a little, her lips turned up into a soft smile.

“No reason,” Daichi murmured. Y/n hummed, letting her head fall back onto his warm chest. While Daichi began to fall asleep, Y/n let her mind wander. She began to wonder what life could be like if only she had more time. Ignoring the building ache in her stomach, she instead curled further into Daichi’s side, letting herself be rocked to sleep with Daichi’s heartbeat and soft breaths.

***

It was fairly dark out. Clouds of gray shrouded the sky as people crowded under a small green tarp. Y/n watched as they cried, gripping onto one another like they too would be consumed by earth and grass if they let go. She looked to her left and saw Daichi standing a little ways away from the casket, his hands shoved into his pockets while tears dripped down his face. A crash of thunder sparked the ground, and it seemed as if people’s cries grew louder. Shaking her head, Y/n began walking towards Daichi, ready to ask people to move, but she seemed to float right through them. She flinched, bringing her fists up to her chest, only to see wispy clouds of white.

“I’m a ghost?” Y/n shook her head, reminding herself that this couldn’t be anything more than a dream. And so she continued forward, walking- no, floating towards Daichi who stood apart from the crowd of crying strangers. His eyes were cold, no longer pools of honey but now pits of pinecones, dull and maybe even pointed. Who was he mad at? Who’s funeral was this? Surely, it couldn’t be hers, right? Y/n took a breath, making her way towards the simple casket that rested in the front of the crowd, waiting to be lowered into the grave that sat beneath it.

The casket was simple, a black and glossy box detailed with flower streaks of silver along the sides. It was minimalistic at best. Looking up, she was met with a simple stone, her name written across it in a pretty font of cursive. Between her birth and death date were little bellflowers ingrained into stone. So it was her funeral. Y/n shook her head, taking a step back and flinching when she passed through the body of a particularly small woman. Eyes wide with panic, she looked up, taking in the sight of Hina with blood-shot eyes and tear-stained cheeks as she walked to stand by Daichi’s side. Her chest hurt, her veins ached and her eyes burned. They were holding each other, crying amongst one another, and finding comfort in warm arms. Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, dragging her hands down her face and willing away her tears. I hate it here; she thought to herself.

***

She had woken up the next morning trapped beneath Daichi’s arm and squashed against his naked body. Her cheeks felt wet, stained with old and new tears. She had been crying in her sleep. Sneaking out from beneath his arm, she quickly changed into some shorts and a sweater before making her way to the bathroom. It was still fairly early; the sun had yet to rise fully, and the birds were just coming from the trees to begin their morning show. She wasn’t particularly nauseous that morning, honestly, she only got nauseous by midday, but getting sick while Daichi was awake was not a risk she was willing to take. Taking a breath, she turned to the shower, turning the knob and watching as the water flowed down onto the shower floor. Hopefully, the pouring of the shower could hinder the noises that would surely escape her throat in a few moments.

She spent her shower sitting on the floor, letting the water run down her body and soak into her skin. Her legs sat flat against the shower mat, her heels touching the cold stone floor, the bottoms of her calves the only ones getting wet with the constant trickle of water. She was sure to step out with steaming skin, and who knows, maybe she would boil away into soup underneath the hot stream, but nothing could bother her anymore. Bracing herself for the impending nausea she would feel, she slowly stood up, clutching onto her forehead as she felt lightheaded. Who knew cancer could come with anemia too?

She supposed she couldn’t complain all that much though. She felt no nausea throughout her morning routine, she managed to brush her teeth and dry herself off with no complaints, and putting on her clothes seemed easier than usual. Overall, it was a decent morning, but her dream from the previous night seemed to plague her mind like a swarm of locusts.

“Thought you dipped,” Daichi remarked as he walked into the bathroom, eyes still small with sleep. Y/n looked up, midway through her morning face routine, and rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, because I’m going to leave my own house,” Daichi grunted, reaching over her shoulder to grab his toothbrush. He had spent the night so often that he had clothes, shampoo, and a toothbrush ready for him at all times.

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Daichi mumbled around his toothbrush, lazily staring at himself in the mirror. Y/n chuckled, bending over to splash some water on her face and get rid of any cleanser that was left behind. She stood up, taking the small towel on the bathroom counter to dry off her face, humming to herself as she did so. Life was normal, as normal as it could be with her death just right around the corner.

***

“I’m surprised she let you inside,” Kiyoko giggled from beside Daichi. Someway or another they had found themselves in a small coffee shop, sitting across from one another sipping on their drinks and taking small bites from their pastries now and again. Daichi chuckled, softly agreeing with Kiyoko’s statement.

The snow was still falling outside, coating tree branches and frosting over sidewalks. Now and again a couple would pass by the store windows, one of them almost slipping over a patch of unsalted ice. It made Daichi chuckle, a sad smile lingering over his lips, knowing that that could have been them.

“Sometimes, I hear her voice, y’know? And I know it’s just me imagining things, but it’s nice to pretend sometimes, y’know?” Daichi murmured, looking up to meet Kiyoko’s sympathetic gaze. Kiyoko offered Daichi a soft smile, reaching over to place her hands over Daichi’s in a comforting manner.

“I do too, but I’d like to think that that really is her voice, and not my head. I’d like to think it’s real and not pretend,” said Kiyoko. Daichi could feel the way her lips quivered ever so slightly as they raised into somewhat of a smile. Looking up and over Kiyoko’s shoulder, Daichi let himself get lost in the spiraling winds filled with fluffed snow. Somewhere in the chaos of swirls and snowflakes, he could make out a body, a face, something familiar. And suddenly Daichi was shocked still, eyes wide and fingers frigid from the soft voice that grazed his eardrums.

“You gotta live a little, Daichi.”