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Once the TARDIS was steadily on her way, the Doctor beckoned an unusually quiet Jamie to follow him to the kitchen so they could have a proper meal together and regroup. While he rummaged around and made sandwiches, the Doctor recounted his experiences with Dastari, the Androgums, and the Sontarans when they were apart. He left out the utter devastation he felt when he thought his companion had been killed, that the one he held most dear could be struck down so senselessly while they were separated. How he’d despaired during consciousness, cursing the unfairness of it all, not caring what happened to him after that.
While it turned out to be untrue with the young man himself sitting in the room with him again, he was still in shock at the depth of the pain he experienced. The truth was, the only thing keeping him together through this dreadful business working for the Celestial Intervention Agency was the comfort of Jamie’s neverending light through the darkness. After so many years and everything he’d endured to get him back, losing him now would be cruel. And yet, as much as he proved the extent of his feelings to the universe, he still had trouble telling Jamie himself. When he finally turned around with the heaping plates of sandwiches, he noticed Jamie had his eyes closed, focusing on keeping his breathing steady.
“Oh, oh dear, how rude of me,” The Doctor said, “I didn’t even think to ask. That Shockeye did something to you; how badly are you hurt?”
“Och, it’s nothin’,” Jamie replied quickly as he opened his eyes.
“We both know that’s not true, Jamie." Sighing, his companion moved the hem of his kilt up to show him a large bruise on his thigh and unbuttoned his shirt to reveal more on his chest and side.
“Those look like more than ‘nothing’.”
“Compared to believin’ ye were dead and then worryin’ about ye while ye were captured, I can take some tenderizin’ by a mad chef,” he replied, “Some new aches, that’s all.”
“I have some salve for those,” The Doctor replied, digging into his pockets to find the jar, “Promotes faster tissue healing and should dull the pain a bit.”
“I’m fine for now. Let’s not waste these sandwiches.”
“Oh yes, of course, you must eat. But will you also tell me how you fared while we were apart?”
“Not well, Doctor,” he replied around his bite, slowly chewing, “I fell into a bad away after I thought ye were killed by the knights with no necks--”
“The Sontarans.”
“Aye. At first I was angry, tried fighting any I ran into but couldn’t do much to help the innocent scientists.”
“How did you avoid being killed? I was told the Sontarans did not leave any survivors.”
“I found a way into the walls and service tunnels deep in the station. I changed into clothes I found--I was all bloody--and holed up. I felt so guilty I left yer side and couldnae protect ye, so scared of what they’d do if they found me, so helpless surrounded by all those dead scientists...I didnae know what tae do. The TARDIS was gone, ye were dead, I--” He looked down at his hands and spoke quieter, “I wasnae sure if I wanted to continue on in a universe without ye so I thought about joining ye, calling the phantom piper to take me…I sat with those thoughts for a long while.”
“Oh Jamie…”
“But I waited to see if anyone would come, even hoping for The Time Lords. I suppose it was days, a week, no’ sure. If it weren’t for ye, the other ye with Peri, I wouldnae have survived much longer.”
Hearts heavy at the suffering his companion endured in his absence, the Doctor supposed he should have properly thanked his later self for saving him and more importantly, finding Jamie and saving him. He technically still could, as his other self had realized they could communicate over the astral plane. After tending to Jamie’s injuries, that is, he resolved to do just that.
...
Peri looked up from her salad. “You looked really happy with Jamie.”
The Doctor tilted his head. “Do you mean him, the past me, or this me? You could be more clear with your communication, Peri.”
Knowing he was deflecting slightly, she stopped herself from rolling her eyes. “Both, actually. I could tell that Jamie and his Doctor are close and care a lot about each other. And well, you seemed pleased to spend time with him again.”
“I did say I recall always being rather fond of Jamie.”
“You missed him.”
"Yes, of course,” the Doctor sighed. “I miss all my old companions.”
“But this seemed different.”
He was impressed. Peri was perceptive for noticing that with everything else going on. “Jamie was…” Usually he was not one to be at a loss for words but how he could describe his relationship with Jamie? No ordinary human terms seemed all-encompassing enough. What they had was splendid: pure love, safety, and understanding built over years of affection, trust, and vulnerability. It was the most bright and beautiful connection he’d ever experienced, in that lifetime and even now. Oh so special. He cleared his throat before continuing, “Jamie stayed with me longer than anyone. He’s steadfastly loyal, fiercely protective, naturally brave with a good heart. Being from the 18th century, he adapted to this life better than I could have imagined, always learning, taking the unknown and danger in stride. It was a joy traveling with him.” He thought back to Jamie’s sparkling eyes, easy laughter, and warm touches. His hearts fluttered at the memories.
“You obviously had a wonderful time together. Why did he leave? Did he get homesick?”
“He wanted to stay.” With me for as long as he lived, was left unspoken. “It wasn’t his choice, nor mine. The Time Lords made the decision for us. And I thought it was irreversible. But then we were allowed to travel again under different circumstances but eventually had to part ways for good.” I let him go… The Doctor stood and started clearing their plates. “Seeing him again, I am grateful for that. I never thought I would have the chance again.” He couldn’t share how Jamie was never too far from his mind, how everyone he befriended was compared. He was a sentimental fool when it came to that boy even before he had been ripped away from him by the Time Lords. For a long time after, thinking of him or anything remotely related would leave little wounds on both his hearts. Especially when he’d encounter apparitions or echoes of Jamie inside and outside the TARDIS.
Unexpectedly crossing paths again both healed and hurt in a different way. Upon discovering the real Jamie at the space station, his hearts fluttered with excitement as he tried to piece together why his old beloved companion was there. At first, there was confusion and wariness from the younger man as he faced the trauma of thinking his Doctor was dead. As Jamie didn't know this version of him, they did not have the glowing reunion he’d always wished for.
But once that was cleared up, they had worked together well during this adventure. Jamie was still naturally attuned to him after all: following eagerly, listening carefully, teasing easily, running when needed. But it was over relatively quickly and he had to say goodbye yet again. At least he knew Jamie was with him, the other one, still traveling in some capacity. A small comfort within the loss.
“At least I know why you’ve called me Jamie before,” Peri said, bringing his thoughts back to the present, “He’s very charming, very cheeky, very handsome. Not someone you’d ever forget.”
“Never have,” he replied with a smile. My hearts still flutter for him, after all.
...
“Something on your mind?” The Doctor asked. They were in Jamie’s room with the younger man, clad only in his kilt, sitting on his bed. He held out the jar of the strong-smelling salve for the Doctor, who dipped his fingers in.
“Aye, meeting the other Doctor was--ow, watch it--strange,” Jamie replied as his Doctor accidentally prodded the bruise on his chest before gently rubbing the salve over it, “Once I knew he was ye, he was familiar in some ways but still very different. Years ago, Ben and Polly told me about the other version of ye they knew before but I dinnae understand ‘til now.”
“Ah, yes, when my people change, we tend to change more than just our physical appearance.”
“He could say something that cut sharply but be very charming the next. Not sure how Peri puts up with that but I think she’s good for him.”
“I, oh, he, um, we always seem to find the best and most suited companions to travel with us, don’t we?”
“There were times I caught him looking at me and…”
“And?”
“His eyes would change from sad tae glad tae see me. I wonder what made him feel that way, the sad part, I mean. I dinnae know him like I know ye but I was concerned seeing him like that. I wanted tae help him all the same.”
“I do not attempt to wonder what he knows about our future but I am sure he truly was happy to have you by his side…again.”
“How do ye know?”
“Because I feel the same way every day.”
“Buttering me up, Doctor?”
“No, just stating the truth. I will always be fond of you, Jamie McCrimmon.”
“Aye, same, Doctor, even if ye have a different face and personality.” He smirked. “Ye know, I could tell his hearts flutter for me too.”
The Doctor blushed slightly. “The feelings in my hearts for you are truly constant and unchanging, my dear boy.” He gave Jamie a kiss on the head as he finished with the salve. “There, that should do. Now you must rest to give yourself time to heal. In more ways than one.”
Jamie smiled softly as he slipped his shirt back on. “Yes, Doctor. Are ye gonna turn in for the night?”
“I have a few things to tend to first. I’ll come back to check on you later.”
Jamie put a hand on his arm. “You’ll take it easy, though? You also need tae rest.”
The Doctor appreciated just how much Jamie looked after him, as well. “I will, I promise.”
“Good. Save any excitement for when I’m fully awake, if ye can.”
...
Later that night, long after Peri had gone to sleep and after he had fussed with the TARDIS console to unwind, The Doctor walked along the corridors. And then he heard it. His other self was trying to reach him through the astral plane.
Caaaan youuu hearrrr meee?
Of course I can hear you, you antediluvian fogey. Why are you contacting me? Did you get your--ourself into trouble again?
Oh, will you let me get a word in? His other self snapped, then he sounded sheepish. I wanted to, um, properly thank you.
I thought I wasn’t supposed to expect any thanks.
He heard a huff on the other end. Accept my thanks this time. For helping me. For reuniting me with Jamie. Looking after him in my absence.
When we found him, he was terrified, deranged, starved, and broken, believing you were dead. You’re the universe to that boy. While he will always be the brightest star in yours. You do understand that, don’t you? He didn’t mean to attack himself but his protectiveness over Jamie, stirred up by seeing him again, took over.
I do. I don’t take that for granted now, not for a day. There was bitterness in his tone that he was keeping at bay. His current situation was always a sore spot.
Because he’s worth it all, isn’t he? He let the warm flutter from his hearts at the thought of Jamie console him. He went through many hardships for that bright star. He’d frankly do it all again, if it were possible. He knew he was, deep down, jealous of his past self for being able to live those moments with him. So you’re welcome, me. Just don’t do anything like that again for his and your, my, our sakes. It complicates and confuses the timestreams. I’m sure your overseers at the CIA aren’t pleased when you do that.
Why do I even bother? He snapped, though it wasn't as biting as he knew he could be. There is no civility with you, or any of us.
He smiled in response to that. He never could face himself, any self, properly. He softened, just this once. Keep him safe. And happy.
Jamie is very much both, I assure you. Nothing means more to me than that.
And no one means more to me, us, than him. Tell him. He deserves to hear it.
...
Letting his other self go, the Doctor slipped back into Jamie’s bedroom where he was now sleeping peacefully. He took a moment to study the dear face he thought he would never see again, gently brushing a stray hair from his forehead. Smiling fondly, he turned to go, satisfied that his companion was truly alright.
“Hey, come back.” He turned to see Jamie, eyes half-lidded with sleep, reaching a hand out to him. “Get in here.”
Shrugging out of his baggy coat to drape it on a chair, he climbed into the bed to rest his head on Jamie’s chest. He sighed as the Scot’s arms encircled him.
“Ever since I found out ye were still alive, all I wanted was this.”
“Ah yes, we have to cherish our times of peace. After being apart, I understand that feeling more than ever,” The Doctor shifted closer, “I’m sorry you went through so much turmoil on my account. I was inconsolable when I thought you had been killed, as well.”
“I know ye told me tae run tae protect me but I shouldnae listened. I should’ve stayed and fought tae stop them from taking ye.”
“No, Jamie, your safety was my priority. I wanted you to survive until I came back for you. Well, I suppose I did, just not in the way I intended.”
“Aye,” Jamie replied, giving him a squeeze. “While I like the other Doctor well enough, if we get separated again, I only want ye tae come back and save me. Ye’re the one I fell for, the one I love.”
His hearts fluttered at that. “I love you too. I, um, wish I could accurately explain just how much. I thought having you by my side for years was enough to show you but almost losing you, I realized I’ve been holding back. I can’t afford to now. I must let you truly see it this time. You deserve to know how much I need you with me.”
“To be the plucky not-so-young sidekick who looks after ye?”
“Oh Jamie, you’re the brightest, most beautiful star in my sky, any sky. Do you understand?”
“Now ye’re really buttering me up. I’m no’ special like that.”
“You are,” the Doctor sat up to address him properly, “Nothing means more to me than you, the dearest soul I’ve ever known,” He leaned in to give his companion a kiss, “In those years where I traveled alone, I lost so much of myself and grew so cold inside. You wouldn’t have liked who I became…but I endured that period knowing everything I did would be worth reuniting with you. And it was. You brought back the best version of me, Jamie. I should have told you all this sooner. I’m so--”
“Shhh,” Jamie hushed him before searching his eyes for a moment. Cupping his cheek, he captured his lips in a slow kiss. “Hey, it’s alright. The explanation, the timing, all of it. I appreciate ye sayin’ it all now.”
“After this latest adventure, I’m glad you’re still here, traveling with me.”
“Me too, Doctor. I have all I need right here.”
“Tell me honestly: does knowing there’s a future where I’m completely different and you’re no longer with me upset you?”
“No,” Jamie replied, “Even if I’m not there, I’ll always be with ye. I know that for sure after meeting the other Doctor. That flutter of yer hearts? That’ll be me, reminding ye of that.”