Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He felt whole for one of the first times since the glitch as he sat on top of the cube with Caine examining him. There was no longer a war going on inside his head with both sides of him arguing against one another.

“How peculiar, let’s give you a quick troubleshoot..”

Kinger stayed close by with his hands on Jax’s shoulders, “Have you found the problem, Caine?”

They watch close as Caine comes up with an answer. “What’s the easiest way I can explain this…” Out of nowhere he seems to pop a bowl of water into existence with a flip of his hand, “See this bowl of soup?”

…Jax looks on incredulously, squinting at both Caine and the ‘bowl of soup’

Caine catches on immediately and quickly corrects himself, “It’s water but pretend it’s soup. It’s a perfect bowl with the perfect kind of ingredients. Now let’s say we put something that shouldn’t be in soup,” He picks something out of his pocket and continues, “Like this tiny bomb I had in my inventory for absolutely no reason,” The bomb explodes and the soup goes everywhere around him, “Look at that! A mess!”

Immediately this shoots panic into both Jax and Kinger as they listened, “I’M GONNA BLOW UP!?”

“No, no, no! It was an analogy! You and your younger self’s personas are clashing. You’re feeling all out of character because neither of you can settle on who’s in control.”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST SAY THAT!?”

“I really like soup metaphors…Anyway. Do as I said before and don’t get up to any mischief and hopefully this little glitch won’t get any worse!l

…

Both of him were finally in agreement.
How was it fair that this was happening to just me!? How was it fair that I have to deal with this!? How was any of this fair!? He began to seethe with his ears drooping low.

Kinger, noticing Jax’s distress, he tried to settle him down, “See it’s going to be fine ja-“

“THIS IS NOT FINE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS LIKE! CAINE CAN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!” Jax shouted, pointing at Caine at the end of it.

Caine, noticeably a little shocked at the sudden outburst did his best to help by saying, “Now Jax, if I could fix this quicker I wo-“

“I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!! NONE OF THIS IS FAIR,” He was stressed and found comfort in the pain that came with pulling on his ears. It wasn’t healthy, but to him it helped everything feel a bit more normal, a feeling he desperately needed. And part of him knew this wasn’t how he should be reacting, but he couldn’t take it. No one seemed to understand how hard this was for him, being split into two and having to share his body with two different minds.

Seeing him pull on his ears like that had Kinger worried, he didn’t want him to hurt himself. He just wants Jax to be okay, “Jax, Jax careful don’t pull on your ears like that-“

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY! I’M TIRED OF YOU ALL TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!”
There they go again, telling him what to do as if he really was just a little helpless kid that couldn’t take care of himself. He was perfectly fine and can do what he wants. It’s not fair that all of a sudden everyone is caring about what he does to his own body just because he’s like this.
Although with half of him feeling shame and the other half, too upset to even notice, he couldn’t help the sobs of frustration and anger that escaped him as he tried to wrap around the fact that he was really stuck like this.

“It’s going to be okay, I’m sorry this is happening to you…” Kinger continued to reassure him as he moved in to hold Jax close.

“LET ME GO STOP IT!”
Although, those were Jax’s words, he couldn’t actually bring himself to push Kinger away.
He didn’t like depending on people, but it did comfort him to be held like this, which is not something most of him would ever admit out loud however.
So regular Jax decided to step back and let the little one have this just this once, not wanting to make anything worse in the moment.

Meanwhile Caine left to go “take care of some business,” Kinger kept holding on until little Jax was done with his meltdown.

It took a long while for the crying to fade into small hiccups, his breathing still uneven but tears no longer threatening to spill.

Kinger didn’t want to break the silence first, he thought it’d be better to wait for Jax whenever he was ready.

His hiccups finally quieted and his ears twitched, and finally the little one spoke up, “None of this is fair…”

“I know..”

“No one understands how hard this is for me..”

“I know.. and I’m sorry this is happening to you. You’re right, it’s not fair at all. But sometimes, we have to make do with what’s happening around us. And I know it may seem hard but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you don’t have to carry it alone. Everyone around you is there to help, you just need to know how to ask for it.”

“Hm.. But I’m not sure how..”

…

“Kinger?” Jax moves away from his embrace to look up at him.

Kinger went quiet for a moment. The lights seeming to finally get to him until his eyes became vacant and wide, looking around until he spots Jax. “Oh! Jax, when did you get here!?”

Jax sat for a moment wishing they could continue talking, but Kinger’s sanity had left, “AUGH!” Jax shouted in exasperation as he pushed away from Kinger to jump off the cube and onto the floor. Kinger wasn’t even fazed as Jax walked off, going to find someone else to mess with.

Chapter Text

At that moment, little Jax was walking down the halls after the day’s adventure, trying to get the previous night out of his head. He had had another fight with his self and it left him mentally exhausted. He honestly just wanted to relax, but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone, though he hasn’t seen anyone around anywhere.

He figures they must all be in their rooms and he didn’t want to bother them by knocking on everyone’s door.

He made another round around the rooms’ hallway, swaying for fun as he walked to stimulate his mind. However, as he passed by Gangle’s room for the fourth time, he noticed something he hadn’t before.

Her door was cracked open, not enough to see inside, but enough for him to pick up the muffled sound of talking.

 

‘I wonder how I didn’t notice that before..’

 

Then, he heard the sound of Gangle laughing, which is what really got his interest piqued.

 

With celerity, he creeped towards the door as quiet as he could. But he couldn’t see anything through the tiny crack in the door. Slowly, he tried to open the door a little bit wider to see what Gangle and what sounded like Zooble were doing.

 

Unfortunately for him, the door immediately made a loud creak, startling little Jax as he jumped far back from the door in a hurry.

 

He froze and thought for a moment before he decided he should probably just leave. But, as he was walking away, he heard the door creak open once again and he turned back to see Gangle peeking her head out the door. She looked side to side before she spotted the little guy in the middle of the hallway.

 

His ears drooped ever so slightly as he waited to get chastised.

 

But then, Gangle said something he wasn’t expecting, “Hey Jax. Do you want to come draw with us?”

 

He hesitated, wondering if he was going to be too much of a bother.., “Are you sure..?” He said cautiously.

 

“Yeah, Of course Jax! It’s not a problem!”

 

His ear twitched. Once. Twice. And then he decided he would take her up on her offer, “Well..umm..okay then..”

 

“Come on in!” She popped back into her room, no longer visible to him.

 

Still unsure, he fidgeted with his hands and fingers as he drew near the door.

 

Then, he cracked open the door and he saw Zooble and Gangle sitting on the floor waiting for him. Gangle was patting the empty spot in between her and Zooble for him to sit down with them.

 

“Hey Jax,” Zooble greeted him from their spot on the floor.

 

And as he sits down, Gangle rips off an empty page of her sketchbook for him to draw on, scootching the crayons closer to him.

 

Jax’s ears dropped in a relaxed position as he lied down on his stomach, getting comfortable and picking up a purple crayon.

 

Before he started drawing though, he wanted to see what Gangle and Zooble were drawing..

 

He looked over at Gangle’s page, trying not to make it obvious, and saw the anime version of her that she was currently creating. Then he turned his head to Zooble’s page. She was drawing what looked to be a hand holding a flower with vines going down the arm. He actually thought it looked really cool, but he still figured he could do ‘Ugh,’ he thought, ‘I’m gonna make something even better than them..’

He started off with a bunch of scribbles, not having a clue on what to actually draw, but stopped when an idea came to him. He knew exactly what he was going to draw, ‘It’s gonna be such a good drawing..’

 

As he drew, he talked with the two next to him about what they were drawing. But, when they would ask about his drawing, he’d cover it and tell them they can’t look at it until it’s done.

 

Gangle would chuckle and Zooble would scoff, but still they respected his wishes and kept their eyes off of his drawing for the time being.

 

After about ten minutes, listening to and talking with the two, he finally put the crayons down and sat up on his legs. His ears immediately shooting straight up as he admired his work.

 

“Look at my beautiful drawing,” he exclaimed, picking up the sheet of paper and pointing it forwards against his chest so that both of them can see it.

 

They looked down at his drawing in awe..

 

He had drawn every member of the circus standing next to each other. Little jax was in the middle with Kinger closest next to him on one side and Gangle on the other side next to Zooble. And Ragatha and Pomni were on the other side of Kinger, with the tent behind them and set ablaze.

 

Gangle spoke up first, “It’s beautiful! Although, I do have one question.. Why is the circus on fire?”

 

“Oh! Because something needed to be on fire, duh.”

 

“Well, it looks wonderful Jax,” Zooble chimed in.

 

He was really proud of his drawing and thought it was perfect. All of them were together, the way it should be, without his other self.

Chapter Text

No one has seen Jax all day. He skipped out on the adventure which wasn’t really that surprising since they are all made to be pg for him, which he hates. But the surprising part was that even Kinger hasn’t seen him and he hasn’t come out of his room yet today.

After the adventure, everyone besides Jax was sitting on and around the couches. The conversation they were having died down and they were left in silence for a few moments before Pomni spoke up again.

“Kinger, have you seen Jax today?”

“Oh, no Pomni. I guess I haven’t,” he answered, putting his hand where his chin would be if he had one.

“Is he still in his room?” Gangle asked unsurely.

“I think so.” Ragatha said with concern.

“Kinger, maybe you should go check on him?” Said Zooble motioning to Kinger.

“Oh, me?”

“Yeah he’s closest with you after all” Pomni chimed in.

“Oh well I guess there’s no harm in it,” Kinger decided, getting up and walking towards the hallway of rooms.

When he eventually got to the door, he rang the doorbell, “Jax? Are you in there?”

After a moment there was no sound of movement and Kinger was about to ring it again when the door finally opened a crack. He looked down at Jax, peeking his head out from the door.

“Hi Jax, what have you been doing all day?” He asked, leaning down a smidge to better match little Jax’s height.

“You’re just in time d-Kinger! Come in, come in!” He said with an excited smile.

“Oh, okay.” He replied, going along with whatever Jax had planned.

When he entered the room, it was dark but he immediately noticed Jax’s little table set up with teacups and a teapot.

“Ah, I see. Are we having a tea party?” He asked softly, sitting down at the table.

Jax sat down on the chair across from him, “Yeah, I set it up just for you!”

Kinger carefully picked up one of the tiny teacups, pretending to sip from it.
“Why thank you Jax. This is very nice of you,” he said seriously.

Jax giggled, kicking his feet under the table. He poured imaginary tea a little too enthusiastically.
“Careful,” Kinger chuckled, “I think that one’s extra hot.” Kinger fake warned.

They sat like that for a while, talking about nothing important at all. Jax rambled about how the adventure today sounded boring anyway—from what Kinger mentioned of it,—and how tea parties were way better than puzzles and rules. Kinger listened, nodding along, responding with little hums and comments when Jax paused.

Eventually, Jax’s voice started to slow. His sentences trailed off halfway through, and his ears drooped just a bit.

He leaned back in his chair, blinking hard like he was trying to stay awake.

“…an’ then I was gonna get the cookies,” he mumbled, words slurring together.

Kinger tilted his head. “Are you tired, Jax?”

Jax shook his head weakly. “No’m not. Jus’… thinkin’.”

But a second later, he yawned, wide and unguarded. His shoulders sagged, and he slumped forward, resting his head on his palms to keep it up.

Carefully, Kinger reached up and rested his hand on Jax’s head, gently petting between his ears in slow, steady motions. “That’s alright,” He murmured. “You don’t have to stay awake.”

Jax let out a small content noise as Kinger pet him softly. Slumping forward even farther until Kinger stood up, picking up Jax in his arms.

He continued to pet him as he held Jax like a baby, until Jax was fully asleep. His tiny chest rising and falling, face relaxed in a way he rarely let anyone see.

Kinger then slowly and carefully laid Jax down on his bed, tucking him in and sitting right next to him. And for the rest of the afternoon, Jax slept peacefully, knowing someone was there.

Chapter Text

Jax was back to his normal size again in the main area of the circus, but everything was wrong. The colors seemed too dull and the shapes were too long, like they were stretched out.

He called out to the void of space, but no one answered except his own echo, his voice sounding smaller than usual.

He could hear the whispers of long forgotten people lingering in the air all around him with no way of escape.

Jax turned in circles, trying to locate the source of the voices, but everywhere looked the same. It was disorienting and unsettling.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was scared. The little side of him had him shaking but the big side kept trying to push through it with no success.

Then, it felt as if he was shrinking, but when he looked down at himself, he was still the same size. Except, everything around him was growing larger, until he was the size of a mouse compared to his surroundings. Everything looming over him almost impossibly large.

Then the figures appeared. Tall shapes at the end of the hall. They looked like the silhouettes of everyone he knew, but stretched wrong and much larger than him.

“Look at him, he’s so small and weak.” One of them said.

“Thought you were tougher than this,” another laughed.

Jax stepped back, heart pounding. “I am,” he insisted, though his voice shook which he cursed himself for. “I’m fine. I don’t—I don’t need—“

They grew closer, closing in on him until he was trapped against the wall, their legs blocking him from escape as they loomed over his tiny body. The laughter grew louder, pressing in on him, filling his head until he couldn’t think. The air was thick and heavy as their hot breaths hit him hard, making it difficult to breathe and suffocating him slowly. One pair of hands started to grab at him and that’s when he jolted awake with a start, gasping. His hands shot up to grab at his chest in a panic as he tried to breathe. He no longer heard their insulting voices and their scorned laughter. But his heart kept racing, and for a long moment, he couldn’t convince himself that the nightmare was really over.

For a few seconds, he just sat there, trying to process what just happened and understand it wasn’t real.

That was when Caine popped in his room alerting him that the adventure was going to start and promising that it was going to be a good one even though he thinks that about all of his adventures.

He wasn’t really in the mood to do any adventures after all that, but Caine was super insistent, so he figured he could deal with it at least for a little while.

…

So there they were, in a futuristic cityscape, tasked with looking for ‘the thing.’

No one knows what ‘the thing’ is or what it means. All the information that Caine and the NPC’s had blessed them with was that there was something they had to find in order to save the citizens from the big evil robot president. So off they went, looking for whatever might be ‘the thing’ that will shut off the evil robot.

At this time, they’ve been exploring for a while and Jax hadn’t spoken to anyone the entire time. They noticed the way he stayed close instead of darting off on his own like usual. But they didn’t dare bring it up in front of him.

So, they talked to NPCs, wandered streets and followed vague hints that led nowhere. Eventually though, they reached a crossroads with three different paths branching off in each direction.

They were going to have to split up.

They gathered together, discussing who would go with who and Jax wasn’t listening to any of it. Instead, he was stuck at Ragatha’s side, lightly playing with the hem of her dress.

She was okay with it, pretending not to notice as she talked with the others, solely so she wouldn’t scare him off. She simply stayed where she was, letting him linger, letting him feel safe without asking questions.

And when she mentioned that she and Jax would go left, everyone unanimously agreed with her as they looked down at Jax—still playing with the hem of her dress— who wasn’t paying them any attention. He was in his own world, thinking of his own things without paying any mind of his surroundings.

After they agreed Ragatha and Jax would go left, Pomni decided she would go straight with Kinger since the bright city lights were making him act crazy, and Gangle and Zooble said they would go right.

With everything decided, Ragatha gently steered Jax to the left as everyone went their separate ways.

As they headed down their path, Ragatha slowed to a stop, seizing the opportunity to ask him what was bothering him once everyone else was out of view. Jax kept walking for another step before noticing, then turned back, ears flicking as he looked up at her.

“Hey,” she said gently.

“Hm?”

Ragatha softly took hold of his arm for a moment so that he was facing her as she crouched down to his level, “You’ve barely said a word since we got here. That’s not like you.”

“Mm..yeah,” he said quickly, his ears reaching for the ground. “Just tired.”

Ragatha tilted her head, watching him for a second. “You don’t look tired.”

He scuffed his foot against the ground. “Can we just keep going? It’s stupid.”

“Jax, nothing that can make you like this, is stupid.”

That made him pause and his fidgeting stopped for a moment as he really thought about what she said. He then sighed, his shoulders dropping in defeat as he thought about what to say.

“…I didn’t sleep good,” he admitted, fidgeting again with his fingers in front of his chest.

“Oh,” Ragatha said softly. She reached out then, resting a hand on his arm. “Bad dream?”

Jax nodded, small and hesitant, “Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugged, looking down at his feet, and reached out to her other arm to curl his fingers into her sleeve without realizing. “It was just… really scary….It felt real.”

Ragatha squeezed his arm for reassurance and to encourage him to talk about it more, “That must’ve been really hard to deal with..”

“It was..” he whined, his ears flicked down and back up again. “I was big again, but something was wrong. And then everything got bigger and everyone was mean to me.”

“How were they mean?” Ragatha asked gently.

“They laughed at me and said I was weak,” he said.

Ragatha gently pulled him into her arms then, holding him close. “Oh Jax…, that must’ve been so scary.”

He clutched onto her, pressing his face into her shoulder. “I was stuck and couldn’t breathe, it felt so real.”

She held him a little tighter, rubbing his back. He hesitated, then spoke again, voice small.

“I hate being little,” he admitted in a shaky voice. “I don’t like when everyone’s bigger than me. It makes me feel like I can’t do anything.”

“I know,” Ragatha said softly. “But being little doesn’t mean you’re powerless. It just means you need help sometimes. And that’s not a bad thing, it just means you’re human.”

“Now how about we get this adventure over with, and afterwards we can relax.” She said, pulling away to stand up. Then, she reaches out her hand for Jax to hold.

“Okay..,” he sniffed, taking hold of her hand as they continued walking along their path.

…

Eventually, everyone ended up meeting back up as the three different paths all led to the same place.

Jax and Ragatha were the first to reach the end of the path. They stood in a small, empty plaza surrounded by glowing buildings and flickering signs that advertised things neither of them could pronounce. That’s when they saw that in the middle of it all, sat a short pedestal with a normal looking button on top of it.

They both were dumbfounded as everyone else approached from their respective paths.

Ragatha stared at it, “That’s..it?”

Jax blinked, not amused, “That’s stupid.”

The button was big, red and had a little handwritten sign taped to it that read:
“DO NOT PRESS”

Zooble went up to it and motioned towards the pedestal. “You’re kidding.”

“That’s ‘the thing?’” Gangle asked.

Zooble jabbed a thumb toward the button. “I’m just gonna press it.” And press it they did as everyone watched.

As soon as they pressed it, there was a cheerful ‘yay’ coming from what sounded like a bunch of children.

A banner then dropped from the sky:
‘EVIL ROBOT DEACTIVATED. GOOD JOB!’

Caine appeared to congratulate them and send them back to the circus as confetti rained down and cheering noises sounded out from the citizens gathering around them.

Kinger clapped enthusiastically. “Ah! Bureaucracy defeated!”

Pomni stared. “…That was it?”

Gangle slumped with disappointment. “I thought it would be more… meaningful.”

Jax tilted his head, watching the confetti drift down. One piece landed on his nose. He blinked, then snorted quietly, shaking it off, “That was the dumbest thing ever.”

…

Back at the circus, they all hung out by the couches. Jax stayed close to Ragatha as she talked with the others about the adventure. She never once mentions the talk between her and Jax, but everyone could tell that something happened between the two, because of the way he was leaning on her and playing with her hand and fingers while she talked.

Whatever she said to him worked however, cause he was mostly back to normal with his snarky comments about the adventure that he would chime in with every now and then.

…

By the time the others drifted off to do their own things and go to their own rooms, Jax didn’t feel like his chest was going to cave in anymore. He stayed sitting with her on the couch, legs tucked up slightly as he leaned into her side.

Every now and then, his fingers would fidget, twisting around the fabric of her sleeve or tapping against her hand, just to remind himself she was still there. She didn’t move away, didn’t comment on it, she just stayed.

The circus felt normal again. Not stretched, nor too big and the space didn’t feel like it was closing in on him.

Ragatha shifted slightly and Jax instinctively leaned with her, letting his head bump lightly against her arm. He huffed a quiet laugh. “Caine’s adventures are getting lazy.”

“Careful,” she teased softly. “He might hear you.”

Jax shrugged, but there was more of his usual edge in it now. The tight, shaky feeling from earlier had dulled into something manageable. Still there, but not in control.

He took a slow breath, then another.
The nightmare lingered at the back of his mind, but it felt farther away now.

For now, the circus wasn’t too big, and he wasn’t too weak.

And that was enough to let him enjoy this small moment with Ragatha.