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Phil wouldn't call himself the jealous type. He was very comfortable in his relationship with Dan. It would be weird if he wasn't, given that they were going on sixteen years together. They had done so much: travelled, toured, met fans, created countless videos, and lived with one another pretty much that entire time. They even hard launched publicly not too long ago, which was still shocking to him given how many years they hid their relationship.
He wasn't a jealous person. He knew Dan, and Dan knew him. Never in a million years would either of them stray from the other.
However... Phil couldn't help the sensation that was coursing through his veins at this very moment. Dan and him decided to try out this new restaurant that a friend of theirs had raved about. It wasn't too far away - a measly five minute stroll - and the prices were reasonable. They even had bottomless fries, which both of them were definitely going to take advantage of, and the staff was welcoming.
Too welcoming, if Phil was honest.
Both men had studied the menu before coming out, trying to avoid having any form of awkward conversation with the waiter or waitress they were going to have. But as they were sat by the hostess, they still glanced through the menu, taking in everything and triple checking that the entrees they wanted were still offered.
A voice, deep and borderline sensual, broke through the silence of their menu reading, causing Dan and Phil to look up. "Hey, I'm John. And I'll be your server tonight. I'll be right back to get your drink order."
Both men nodded, not saying anything, before glancing at one another knowingly as he walked away. He was hot. Like... unbearably so. Smooth features, the right amount of stubble, great hair. The works. Why the hell was someone that hot working here, of all places?
"It's almost insulting." Dan mumbled, catching Phil off guard and causing him to snort out a laugh.
A moment later, John was back. He smiled at both men, placing some extra silverware and napkins down. "Hello again. Do you guys know what you would like to drink tonight?"
"A glass of rosé, please.” Dan stated.
“And for you?” He asked.
Phil hummed, “I’ll have the same, actually.”
“We have an excellent rosé here. Great choice,” John nodded at Dan. “I'll be right back with your drinks.”
....Was that a wink?
Phil looked over at Dan, catching his eye for a moment. It didn't seem like Dan noticed. Or if he did, he didn’t let it show on his face.
“I cannot wait to try their fries. I swear, they better have good sauces here or I'm leaving a one star review on Yelp.” Dan voiced dryly.
“Are you going to ask for all of their sauces?” Phil questioned, smiling.
“Do you not know me?” Dan pursed his lips, “Though, it might be a bit much if I ask for every type of dip they have…”
“I think they said online they don't charge for extras.” He mentioned.
Dan raised his eyebrows, “Oh well then I'm going to make them go out of business with how many I'm ordering.”
A thought popped into Phil’s brain, “‘Bottomless fries’ is such a weird way to word it.”
“Bottomless anything just sounds wrong.” Dan replied.
Phil spoke slowly, sounding out the words. “Less bottoms…”
He blinked, waiting. “Go on. Continue that thought.”
Phil shook his head, leaning back in his chair. “No, I'm not going to.”
“Why?” Dan asked, amused.
He whined back, “Because if I keep saying ‘bottom’ or ‘bottomless’ or ‘less bottoms’, the hot waiter is gonna come back and he's gonna hear m-”
John appeared suddenly, placing two glasses down on the table. “Okay, here are your drinks. Sorry for the wait. Were you guys able to look over the menu?”
Phil cleared his throat, trying to hide his embarrassment. “Uh, yes. We were. We're ready to order.”
“That's great. Okay, before you do, I know this is going to be totally annoying, but my boss has been... adamant about us sharing the five different specials we have everyday to every table. So I'm going to list them all as quickly as possible, and you let me know if any of them interest you. Okay?” John glanced at both of them, and then began.
The speech was long and rehearsed, going into great detail about each special. Phil didn’t care for any of them, so this gave him plenty of time to actually look at John, to observe him.
He wasn't a jealous person. However... Phil couldn't help the sensation that was coursing through his veins at this very moment. He studied John... Johnny, Johnathan if you will… as this man spoke almost directly to Dan, ignoring Phil entirely. This had happened before and it wasn't completely uncommon. Dan was hot. Anyone with functioning eyes could see that. Phil could tell that this man, John the hot waiter, was into Dan. He kept looking at Dan with a little sparkle in his eye, smiling with each new special. A little smirk rested on his mouth as he rolled his eyes playfully, saying something that Phil gave no fucks about, but whatever it was caused Dan to laugh awkwardly and look away. John paused, gazing over at Phil. And Phil swore for a moment that man winked again. Almost like he knew Phil was watching.
Was he taking the piss? Was he doing this on purpose? Did he know that Phil knew that he was flirting with his boyfriend?
Phil narrowed his eyes, blinking rapidly. He knew being angry or upset was kind of pointless and silly. Dan was his. Had been his for years. Hell, Dan’s the one that pursued him all those years ago. There was no way in hell anything would ever cause Dan to leave Phil, like some random hot waiter named Johnny-boy.
“Alright, that was all the specials. I figured none of them would sound appetizing to you guys, but thanks for letting me say them all anyway. What would you like tonight?” John sighed, seemingly talking to Dan only.
For you to stop flirting with my boyfriend while I’m right here.
Phil chuckled at his own thought, chiming in with his order before Dan could. “I’ll have the burger, no cheese. And we’re both gonna have the bottomless fries.”
He jotted down Phil’s order, nodding. “A classic. Perfect. And what will you have?”
“Um… The chicken tenders. And can I get every type of dip you have?” Dan requested.
“We have about ten different sauces. You want all of them?” John queried.
Dan inhaled. “Yes, if you don’t mind.”
“No problem. Okay, I’ll go put your orders in, and I’ll be back with your first batch of fries.”
John took their menus, nodding and grinning at each man. Once he was far enough away, Dan’s eyes met Phil’s.
He lowered his voice, accusatory. “What was that?”
Phil furrowed his brow. “What was what?”
~~~
Dan was a jealous person. He knew that, anyone that knew him knew that. For fuck’s sake, the entire internet knew with the countless jealous!Dan compilations out there that he. was. jealous.
He would argue it wasn’t jealousy so much as it was protectiveness. If something was his, he wanted to keep it safe. And that feeling extended, almost entirely, to Phil.
And he knew that Phil liked to push his buttons when it came to his jealous tendencies. Phil had a way of being flirty with people without even realizing it. Maybe he was just friendlier than Dan, maybe he just liked getting his way and knew that being overly nice was the way to do it. Nonetheless, watching your boyfriend of sixteen years be flirted with, or God forbid flirting back, was deeply frustrating.
Dan knew that the likelihood of Phil ever actually cheating or leaving him was nonexistent. But that didn’t matter. No one was allowed to flirt with his man. Phil was his. End of.
So why the fuck did this Johnny bitch decide to flirt with Phil?
While he monologued about the specials, Dan finally got a chance to look at the waiter. And he was hot, there was no denying that. But that thought turned sour the moment John’s eyes landed on Phil, and stayed there… the entire time.
Dan might as well have been in a completely different booth the way John-John was just gazing at Phil, reciting these specials like it was poetry. But Dan knew Phil wasn’t listening, and that none of the specials sounded appetizing to him - given that almost all had cheese on them.
You’re gonna have to try harder than that to get Phil’s attention, buddy. Dan choked out a laugh, looking away for a moment. But when he glanced back up, he almost felt his eyes bulge out of his head.
…Did he just wink at Phil? And did Phil just flutter his lashes?
Anger rose in his chest as his eyes snaked over the two of them. Fuck the bottomless fries, fuck the free extra sauces! John better be ready to fight for his life outside in two seconds if he keeps this shit up.
He knew he would never actually fight someone, since he physically was built like a burnt marshmallow; but the point still stands. What the hell did this guy think he was doing? Was it not obvious that they were two men who were clearly dating trying to eat out, and thus absolutely not someone to flirt with?
Dan was so in his own head he didn’t even realize both men were waiting for him to say his order. He did, asking for the extra dips, and whatever-the-fuck-his-name-was smiled, taking the menus.
When he walked away, Dan turned to Phil, locking eyes with him instantly. “What was that?”
Phil’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What was what?”
Dan scoffed. “Oh don’t act innocent, Phil. What the hell was he doing all that for?”
“I have no clue.” Phil shook his head.
“Really…” Dan took a deep breath, not wanting to argue with Phil. Knowing him, he was just toying with Dan’s emotions to get his riled up for later. “Right. Well… fingers crossed the food is good.”
“I doubt you’ll notice if it’s good or not.” Phil smirked.
Dan narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You can be really oblivious sometimes.” He continued.
“What do you-?” Dan started.
John cut him off, placing a hot tray of fries down and a plate of different sauce cups. “Here’s the first order of fries, plus a whole array of sauces. It’s gonna be a twenty minute wait for the burger and chicken tenders, but I’ll be back around for your next order of fries before then.”
“You think we’ll be done them before our food?” Phil joked.
“When they’re this hot… most people just stuff them down without thinking.” A cheeky grin rested on John’s face as he walked away.
Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!
Phil snickered, “Is he trying to get a tip or something?”
“You would say that, huh.” Dan sassed.
Phil cocked his head, “What are you on about?”
“Nothing.” Dan grabbed two fries, dipping them into some ranch and shoving them in his mouth.
Goddamnit, they were really good. And hot.
~~~
Once their food came out, John didn’t come around as much besides to drop off more fries, finally giving Dan and Phil some time to just sit and eat. And not think about the hot waiter flirting with their boyfriend.
Finally the cheque came, Dan sighing as Phil grabbed it and opened it up. His eyes danced down the page, widening, and slamming the book shut.
Dan’s jealousy had calmed down significantly. He snickered at Phil’s expression. “What? Is it more expensive than anticipated?”
Phil didn’t say anything, a light flush coming to his cheeks.
“Were the fries not bottomless? Were the sauces extra? Come on Phill, tell me!”
Dan yanked the book out of Phil’s hands, flipping it open. He looked down at the price - normal, not really as bad as-
Holy shit, John left his number!
Dan closed the book again, tossing it back over to Phil. He sucked his teeth, eyes glaring up at the ceiling. “I…”
There weren’t many moments in Dan’s life that actually left him speechless, but this was one of them.
Phil picked up the book, sliding his card in, and leaving it at the side of the table. They both sat there, silently, waiting for John to come back.
Phil could not believe it. John had the audacity to leave Dan his number. In most circumstances, this would have been kind of funny. But judging by Dan’s face, Phil figured now wasn’t the time to joke.
He didn’t understand why Dan would be so upset about another guy leaving his number for him. Maybe it was something else. Maybe the food was upsetting him instead.
John grabbed the book, not looking at either man, and came back a moment later. “You guys have a nice night, okay?”
“We sure will. Right, babe?” Dan glared, his tone dripping with faux sweetness, as he slid out of the booth hastily.
Phil’s breath hitched in his throat, glancing back and forth between each man. “Uh, yeah. Have a good one!”
Dan led the charge out of the restaurant, Phil almost jogging to catch up to him. It wasn’t too cold out, but the air outside felt chilly compared to the warmth of the restaurant.
They walked a couple spaces away, Dan’s shoulders tense still from that interaction. Phil waited a beat before speaking to Dan. “So… that was kind of funny.”
“What was funny about it?” Dan deadpanned.
“The fact that he left his number for you.” Phil teased.
Dan stopped walking, turning to face him. “Are you…? You can’t be serious, Phil.”
“What? What do you mean by that?” Phil questioned.
Dan exclaimed, “He wasn’t flirting with me! He was flirting with you. And you were flirting back.”
“I was not, and he was not flirting with me. He was clearly into you.” Phil argued.
“There’s no way you seriously think that man was looking at me. He winked at you twice!” Dan retorted.
“No he did not! He totally winked at me because he knew I could tell he was flirting with you,” Phil explained, continuing to walk. “And then you laughed at one of his dumb specialty jokes, which didn’t help by the way.”
Dan glared at the back of his head, “Are you on fucking drugs? Even if he was flirting with me, you were the one batting your eyelashes like a teenage girl. You basically gave him the eyes.”
Phil paused, taking a step back. His eyes were mischievous as they looked Dan over. “Oh… You’re upset because you think I was enjoying his flirting?”
“You clearly were.” Dan huffed.
“I thought he was flirting with you, so… you’re wrong.” Phil stopped Dan, looking at him suddenly with worry. “Wait, what’s that on your face?”
“What? What’s on my face?” Dan felt around, rubbing his face.
“I don’t know… you’re looking a little green.” Phil grinned wildly, “Green with JEALOUSY!”
Dan swatted at Phil’s hands, “First off, it’s green with envy, you twat. And secondly, I’m not jealous.”
Phil let out a hardy laugh. “Right, yeah sure. Whatever you say, Daniel.”
“Shut up, Philip. Now hold on.” Dan stopped Phil again. “You think he was flirting with me. And you didn’t exactly like that either, did you?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“So wouldn’t that make you…?”
“Green with jealousy? No. That’s a you thing.”
“Fine, you know what? You’re right. I am jealous.” Dan admitted, sighing.
Phil gasped. “Really?”
“You honestly think I enjoy another man, much hotter than me, flirting with my partner?” Dan said, puzzled.
“I wouldn’t say he was hotter than you.” Phil corrected.
Dan rolled his eyes. “You need to up your prescription then if you genuinely think I’m more attractive than him.”
“I wouldn’t be dating you for years now if I didn’t think you were the hottest person ever.” Phil complimented, smiling slyly.
Dan looked away, bashfully. “Shut up, you liar.”
Phil murmured. “No lies.”
Dan could feel his face heat up, a little smile falling to his lips. A tiny voice in the back of his head made him feel embarrassed for blushing at Phil’s words, because c’mon it’s been sixteen years! But another part of him told that voice to shut the fuck up because he loved Phil, so of course his words were still going to effect him. And probably always will.
Phil watched Dan, noticing the faint flush on his cheeks. They knew how to make the other flustered. And Phil couldn’t deny he enjoyed it immensely when he was able to do it to Dan since it always felt like he was on the receiving end of Dan’s romantic gestures that caused his body to jolt excitedly.
They finished walking home silently, Dan pulling out the keys to the door. He unlocked it, shuffling in and stepping out of his shoes, leaving them in their shared shoe cupboard.
Phil did the same, only to stop Dan from heading upstairs by grabbing his wrist. Dan spun around, looking at Phill confused. He pulled him in quickly, kissing Dan deeply. A soft noise fell from Dan’s mouth. He pressed himself into Phil, pushing him in the wall gently. Phil’s hands gripped Dan’s hips, a light breath leaving his lips as he felt Dan’s body against his.
Phil pulled back first, his voice sweet with love. “I like when you’re jealous, you know.”
“I do know that. I’ve been acting this way for fifteen years.” A playful grin tugged at the corner of Dan’s mouth.
Phil squinted at him, “What year were you not jealous?”
“I did my best the very first year to not be.” He answered, his arms relaxing around Phil’s waist.
Phil pffted. “You failed spectacularly at it, then.”
“I did not! I did pretty well, all things considered, as a closeted eighteen year old.” Dan grumbled.
Phil shrugged, “Yeah but you were still pretty jealous though.”
Dan rested his head against Phil’s shoulder, chuckling, “Probably, yeah.”
He nudged his head up, their eyes connecting. “You know I wasn’t flirting with the waiter, right? I would never do that intentionally.”
Dan’s eyes softened. “I know. But he definitely was flirting with you, which was the part I was more annoyed at.”
“He one hundred percent was flirting with you, but sure.” Phil pushed back.
“No he wasn’t.”
“Yes he was.”
Dan pulled away from Phil’s embrace, stepping onto the stairs. “We are just gonna have to agree to disagree.”
“Well at least I know I have a chance with a hot waiter if we end up getting a phivorce.” Phil joked, staring up at Dan teasingly.
Dan’s face dropped, his voice monotone. “I’m sleeping in the other bed tonight.”
Phil followed Dan up the stairs, mouth agape. “That’s not funny, Daniel. Don’t you dare!”