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It was a rare Tuesday afternoon where neither Jamie or Cathy had anywhere to be. Jamie had handed in the first finished draft of his novel the day before and Cathy hadn’t had any auditions lined up, still waiting to hear back about the previous one. And so the couple spent their free time how they always spent it: together, not doing anything in particular. Just enjoying each other’s company in their still relatively new apartment.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you!” Jamie exclaimed as he sat down on the couch next to his girlfriend. “My publishers are throwing a little party this Saturday to celebrate!” His eyes twinkled with excitement the way they always did when he talked about his writing. Then his mouth spread into a silly smirk as he continued. “Will you be my date?”
“Of course I will,” Cathy giggled, feigning flattery. “What do you—”
She paused when a sudden cramp gnawed at her stomach.
“Are you okay?” Jamie frowned, sensing that something was wrong.
The pain in Cathy’s belly quickly subsided after only a couple of seconds and she found herself able to speak again. “Yeah, I just got a random stomach cramp.”
Jamie smiled softly as he urged her to go on.
“I was just gonna ask, what do you think I should wear?” Cathy started over. “Is it like, a dinner party or a party party? Because I have that one blue dress that might look—”
Another stomach cramp overtook her, this one much stronger than the first. Cathy gritted her teeth and folded in on herself as it rippled through her abdomen.
“Are you about to be sick?” Jamie asked, backing away slightly.
“No,” Cathy croaked out, still frozen in place. The pain had let up but only a little.
“Do you need to poop?” It was the only other possibility Jamie could think of.
“I don’t know,” Cathy thought. Though she didn’t really have an “urge” to go, the pain did seem to be coming from her intestines and was moving downward. “Maybe?”
“Come here, baby,” Jamie said, rising to his feet and offering his hand to her so that she could do the same.
Cathy stood as straight as she could muster and let Jamie lead her to their bathroom, his arm around her shoulders. Once inside, he helped her lower her pants and carefully guided her onto the toilet seat.
Crouching in front of her, Jamie took Cathy’s hands in his and kissed her knuckles lovingly as he waited for any signs of relief.
Cathy felt something lower within her as her bowels opened but it stopped moving just before coming out. She gave a strong push which only amplified the pain in her gut. A soft grunt escaped her lips as she released her breath. She tried again only for the same thing to happen.
“Can you poop?” Jamie asked, his eyebrows raised.
“No,” Cathy grunted. “It’s right there but it won’t—Nnnhh!” she kept straining.
“Take your time, sweetheart,” Jamie cooed, planting a kiss on her knee. The faint crackling sounds beneath her that accompanied each push let him know that progress was being made, just very slowly. But he didn’t mind. He was willing to wait this out with her no matter how long it took.
He watched as Cathy strained, her facial features knotted together no doubt from the pain in her belly. Jamie bent forward and kissed it tenderly. His hands wandered around her waist and found their way to her lower back where he rubbed in soft, gentle strokes. “You’re doing great, baby. Just do what you need to do,” he hummed into her thigh, laying his head in her lap.
The head of the mass emerged eventually after several pushes. Cathy was sweating now as she worked to pass the rest of it, her stomach still ablaze with cramps.
But still, she kept pushing. Meanwhile, Jamie continued to hold her, encouraging her sweetly both with his words and with his touch.
The mass crept out a little more with each attempt, stretching her open uncomfortably with its increasing width. Finally with one big push, the fattest part was propelled out of her and the rest followed suit. Cathy groaned at the feeling in her stomach as her insides moved to evacuate the beast.
It barely had time to land in the water before another log similar in size took its place at her back exit. This one mostly moved on its own but still required some effort to pass. When it dropped into the bowl with the first one, Cathy felt the pain in her abdomen lift completely. She exhaled a long sigh of relief as her whole body relaxed.
“Feel better?” Jamie asked.
Cathy gave another push, producing a long sausage piece and several smaller pebbles that all came out effortlessly before finally feeling empty. It’d only taken her a few minutes to get all that out of her but it felt like much longer. “Yeah,” she replied. “Yeah, I’m okay. I think that pizza stopped me up.”
“I doubt it was that,” Jamie shook his head. “That was, what? Three, four days ago?”
“Well, this is the first time I’ve gone since then,” Cathy admitted with a nervous giggle.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Jamie empathized, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. “I’m gonna make us something healthy for dinner tonight, alright? Something with lots of veggies to help get your belly back on track.” He kissed her midsection one more time, then her chest, then her neck, and then her cheek. Cathy caught his lips with her own and melted into him as they shared a long, passionate kiss.
When she pulled away, she couldn’t help but laugh at the whole ordeal. Though she felt just fine now, for a minute there, it felt like she was giving birth. Now here she was, making out with her boyfriend on the toilet.
Jamie laughed too, happy to see his baby happy again.
If this was what Jamie would be like when they do eventually have kids, Cathy thought, she had nothing to worry about.