Archive of Our Own ^beta

Wade bounced his leg anxiously. He looked down at the blue plastic chair that he sat in. Everything in this place was blue or beige, and depressing. In this moment, he couldn't believe that Piotr had convinced him to do this.

His friend had suggested that doing something to help others would be a healthy distraction from his breakup with Vanessa. But based on what he had seen of this place so far, he couldn't imagine that spending time here would be beneficial to his mental health.

"Mr. Wilson?" inquired a feminine voice. A young woman, no more than 30, wearing teal scrubs, offered her hand.

"Wade," Wade stood to introduce himself, taking the woman's hand.

"Hello, Wade, I'm Erin, one of the social workers here at Shady Oaks. Thank you so much for volunteering with us and happy holidays.”

"Thanks, I’m sooo looking forward to it.” Wade lied, running a hand through his very short brown hair. The staleness of this place seemed to drain him of his typical wit.

Erin led Wade down the beige and blue hallway, lined with wheelchairs, stretchers and other medical equipment. Wade noticed patients, varying in age, wandering the hallway and hovering in doorways.

The too-early, cheap and tacky looking holiday decorations strewn along the hallway didn’t seem to bring any Christmas cheer to the residents here and definitely didn’t get Wade in a festive mood. They were a reminder that he would be spending the holidays alone, without a partner.

"So, Wade," Erin started, slowing her stride. "We, at Shady Oaks, are a skilled nursing facility. We provide care for disabled adults with complex health needs. Most of our residents cannot access care in the community." Erin explained as she paused and opened a locker stacked with board games, decks of playing cards, puzzle books and other activities.

“The nursing staff will handle the patients' more intimate personal care." Erin continued, grabbing two adult coloring books and a box of colored pencils before closing the locker again. 'Oh, thank God.' Wade thought.

"Our volunteers will play games or do other enrichment activities with the patients - things the staff don’t always have the time for. We may also ask for your help with things like support at mealtimes or performing light cleaning around the facility.” Erin explained.

Wade nodded again but his stomach was in knots. The way Erin spoke about the patients gave Wade an odd feeling that he couldn’t exactly place. The two paused outside of a doorway, which was labeled ‘Howlett, J’ at the top.

"So, Wade, the resident you're going to meet today, really needs some extra support." Erin said. The statement was not reassuring to Wade.

"What kind of support?" Wade asked sheepishly.

“Mr. Howlett was an English teacher at a boarding school for disabled children for many years but he ended up here after they closed down and he struggled to be reemployed." Erin explained "Regardless of how qualified he is, it can be incredibly difficult for those with severe disabilities to be hired anywhere." she continued somberly.

"He doesn't have friends or family?" Wade asked.

"None, equipped to care for him 24/7," Erin answered.

"So, what's wrong with-" Wade started but Erin cut him off.

"Nothing is wrong with him. He has a progressive neuromuscular disease." Erin replied. He gave Erin a questioning look. "He has a little bit of use of his right hand." She explained.

"That's all?" Wade asked, genuinely curious.

"Yes, he uses an electric wheelchair when we can get him into it." The young woman explained, tucking her bobbed red hair behind one ear. Wade met Erin’s eyes with another silent question.

"As I mentioned, he isn't coping well. He's been refusing some of his treatments and he has been in bed for over a month. His physical and mental health have already deteriorated significantly since he's been here. We are very concerned." Erin told Wade.

'Great' Wade thought 'of course, they give me the difficult patient.'

"Now, Wade. Keep in mind that we require muscular strength to do things like speak and breathe too. Logan can be difficult to understand at first, but you'll get to know him. Also, if you see any signs of respiratory distress like wheezing, coughing or choking, please get a staff member, immediately." Erin instilled, meeting Wade's green eyes. Wade shivered. He felt in over his head, but Wade was anything but the type to give up easily.

Erin led Wade across the threshold into Howlett J’s room. She made her way to the room's only window. She pulled open the blinds, bathing the room in sunlight. As the sun rays spread over the bed, Wade heard a groan, almost a growl.

Scanning the room, Wade noticed a plastic covered blue recliner, a dresser stacked with books and a very expensive looking electric wheelchair, plugged into the wall. When he finally looked at the hospital bed in the center of the room, he saw Logan.

The man was at least a decade older than Wade, had dark hair sticking up in odd directions and a beard shaved into thick sideburns, surrounded by a couple of days of stubble. "Logan, this is Wade." Logan's eyes met Wade's as Erin introduced them. Wade noticed that they were blue and full of hurt.

Wade took a step towards the bed and extended a hand to the older man. Logan laughed, a gravely, humorless chuckle. "Oh, shit sorry." Wade dropped his hand to his side and nervously rubbed it on his pants.

"I need to get with another volunteer, you all set Wade? Logan should be able to tell you what he needs." Erin said, making eye contact with Logan and silently pleading with him to behave.

"Uh, yup, yup, of course! Sure thing." Wade let out a too loud laugh as Erin handed him the coloring books and pencils.

Before she exited, Erin helped Logan into a sitting position. Witnessing this process showed Wade just how little control over his own body Logan has. The way Erin was careful to support Logan's head and neck while moving him, reminded Wade of the care people take when handling infants.

The only movement Wade noticed from Logan was a slight twitch of his right hand, and he wasn't 100 percent sure if it was even voluntary. Wade also noticed that Logan was quite small. He was oddly stocky, but short. Likely, Just over 5 foot tall.

"I would love to see you out of bed today," Erin said, side-eyeing Logan as she exited his room. Logan grunted in reply.

Wade took a seat on the edge of the blue recliner. The plastic covering over the cushion, stuck to his legs uncomfortably. His body language must have given away his unease when he heard Logan scoff.

Wade glanced at him and then back down at the coloring books in his lap. He flipped through one. A third of the pages were partially colored on and it looked like children's work. Glancing at Logan again, Wade could not imagine the gruff looking man entertaining his offer to color with him. He tried anyway.

"Which one should we try today? Let’s see. In this one, there’s a turtle, a kitten on the beach, why would a kitten want to be on the beach? Oh there’s a ladybug in this one. Maybe we could draw a sexy ladybug instead, give you something interesting to actually color.” Wade rambled, flashing a cheesy grin as he held up both coloring books, showing Logan the covers. Logan let out a half laugh, half grumble and averted his gaze without a reply. "Suit yourself, cupcake." Wade replied, trying to match Logan's attitude.

He opened one of the books and worked on coloring in a beach scene until he heard Logan strain to speak. The man vocalized a short sentence but Wade couldn't make it out. He put the book and pencils aside, stood and took a step closer to Logan's bed. "What?" asked Wade.

Logan rolled his eyes. Wade could see the effort in the man’s chest and throat as he attempted to speak louder and more clearly. He opened his mouth wide a couple of seconds before any sound came out but this time Wade could understand, “Grab me a book." Logan’s voice was rough, breathy and strained.

“I just offered you two! What, you don’t fancy yourself an artist? We could hang these in the Louvre!” Wade attempted a joke and Logan just stared at him, unamused.

Wade made his way over to the dresser and looked over Logan's stack of books. What wasn't language learning material was mostly poetry and short stories. Wade glanced at the gruff looking man in the bed. "Which one? he asked.

Logan vocalized again. Three words but Wade could not make them out.

“Ehe, sorry, say that again?” Wade whispered, tensing his body, in preparation for the bed bound man’s reaction. Logan grimaced and glared at Wade but took a deep breath in before repeating himself. “The October Country.” he said, a bit too loudly but Wade understood this time.

Wade dug through the stack of books and found it pretty quickly. He turned to Logan with the book of short stories in hand and met his blue eyes for a moment. Wade had to admit, they were captivating. As unfriendly as he was, there was something that intrigued Wade about the man. Wade was used to people being unfriendly to him anyway.

Logan instructed Wade on how to set up the reading stand he used. Logan had to repeat himself several times throughout the process and was obviously frustrated. Wade placed the stand on a rolling over-bed table and slid it across Logan's lap.

Once Logan was reading, Wade sat down in the blue recliner again and continued to color. Periodically Logan would ask for Wade's help turning a page of his book. Wade attempted to make conversation several times, but Logan just ignored him, so the younger man ended up rambling about whatever came to his mind. He tried to let silence fill the air, but it was unbearable for Wade. Even though Logan grumbled, “Shut up,” at him a few times, he could only stay silent for a few moments before speaking again. After about an hour and a half, Erin entered Logan's room again. Before addressing Wade, she walked to Logan's bedside and scanned him up and down.

"Logan, you know you need to try --" Erin started, but Logan cut her off,
"Fuck off," he growled.
Erin stepped back "I understand your frustrated but -" she calmly continued

“Save it.” Logan growled again, cutting her off, Erin gestured for Wade to get up and led him into the hallway. He waved goodbye at Logan too enthusiastically.

"We really appreciate your time, Wade," Erin said as she led Wade down the corridor. Wade simply nodded. He had to keep himself from sprinting out of the building.

Despite himself, three days later, Wade returned to Shady Oaks. This time, Erin sent him into Logan's room with an adaptive board game. “Good morning, sunshine.” Wade sang as he picked up the book Logan was reading and replaced it with the board game on his overbed table. Logan was sitting up in bed, dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt. He looked scruffy and annoyed. Wade noticed an oxygen cannula on Logan’s face and recalled Erin explaining Logan’s limited lung capacity.

“Outta here with that,” Logan grumbled, staring at the board game box in front of him.

“But whyyyyyy?” Wade whined, exasperated.

“Don’t matter, kid. Now replace my book before I —“ Logan threatened.

“What are you gonna do to me, huh?” Wade laughed, raising his fists. Logan simply stared at him before shouting, “Move it, asshole!”

“Jesus, okay, my God. Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?” Wade sighed, clearing the board game away and replacing it with Logan’s reading stand and book. Wade spent his hour and a half of volunteering time sitting in the sticky blue chair and turning pages for Logan.

Logan ignored most of Wade's ‘attempts’ at conversation, partially out of fear of needing to repeat himself several times. Though, he made no effort at all to be friendly with Wade. For the first three weeks, Wade spent his time at Shady Oaks in the same way. Sitting in the uncomfortable recliner and turning pages of books for Logan, who still had not left his bed, talking more to himself than Logan.

Within his first month of volunteering Wade had noticed a few things about Logan. First, the man was not kind to the nursing staff so many of them seemed to avoid him. To a concerning extent. Logan certainly did not look or smell like he was being bathed and groomed properly every day.

Wade had witnessed some of Logan’s interactions with staff and they weren’t always patient with his spiny demeanor. One morning, Wade walked in at the end of Logan’s morning routine and watched as an aide struggled to brush the man’s teeth.

“Mr. Howlett, please.” the aide sighed, holding a toothbrush in front of Logan’s scowling face. Wade watched from the hallway as Logan opened his mouth and immediately bit down on the brush. “Just, why?” yelled the aide as she yanked the brush hard from between Logan’s teeth. “Shit,” she whispered, shocked as she saw blood start to drip from Logan’s lips. Wordlessly, the aide dropped the toothbrush and sprinted from the room.

Logan had bitten down on his tongue as the aide tried to retrieve the toothbrush. Wade caught a glimpse of Logan’s eyes as his head fell forward and blood continued to drip down his chin and onto his white t-shirt, and he could have sworn Logan’s blue eyes were teary. The scene gave Wade the sudden and jarring urge to comfort Logan. He imagined himself helping him clean up and giving him a hug.

The aide pushing past Wade, sprinting into Logan’s room, jolted him out of the brief fantasy. Wade cringed hard as he watched the aide pull Logan’s head back up forcefully and suction blood from his mouth.

Wade realized that teeth brushing must be one of the only personal care tasks that Logan could physically fight. He felt actual tears welling in his eyes as he realized how powerless Logan must feel over his own body and life to behave this way. He almost couldn’t blame him for finding ways to maintain a sense of control. Wiping a tear away, Wade shook his head. Why did he even care?

Another day, Wade had witnessed some of one of Logan’s physical therapy sessions. He watched from the hallway as the PT bent and flexed Logan’s limbs.

“Motherfucker,” Logan spat as the PT bent his left leg.

“Breath, Mr. Howlett,” the therapist encouraged.

“Fuck you!” Logan fired back.

Letting go of Logan’s left leg, the therapist replied, “Fine then, we’re done now. I won’t be taking verbal abuse from you.” and left his room. From the hallway, Wade tried to read Logan’s expression. He was scowling as usual but the look in his eyes was one of disappointment. Possibly, in himself.

“Have a good workout? Get your blood pumpin’ and jumpin’?” Wade asked, crossing the threshold into Logan’s room. The dark haired man grumbled and turned his gaze from Wade. He almost looked embarrassed.
—-

On the fifth week of Wade's volunteering, he entered Logan's room to the same scene as each time before; The older man sitting grumpily in bed. "Good afternoon, Princess," Wade greeted as he sat in the blue recliner.

"Grab me a book, bub?" Logan grumbled.

"Nope," Wade replied, crossing his arms like a defiant child.

As Logan glared at him, Wade unzipped his backpack and pulled out a thin black tablet. He powered it on and started scrolling. He crossed his legs and hummed nonchalantly.

"Wade." Logan growled and Wade realized this was the first time Logan had called him by name. Oddly, it made his chest feel all warm and fuzzy. Why did such a simple thing make him feel good?

"Uh-huh?" Wade sang, not bothering to look up, and Logan growled again. Wade continued to scroll for another minute, listening to Logan huffing in the bed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Logan finally shouted. The effort it took, caused his voice to break on the last word.

Wade glanced up at Logan and saw that he was trembling with frustration, “A whoooole lotta things, but you probably don’t wanna know any of ‘em unless you’re a licensed psychiatrist. . Just chill a second, will you?” Wade stood and made his way to Logan's bedside with the tablet in hand.

"What are you doing?" Logan mumbled quickly as Wade stepped closer.

'"I'm grabbing you a book. Isn’t that what you wanted? Or did his Majesty change his mind?" Wade answered.

Wade set the tablet down on Logan's lap. "What’s this?" he gruffed.

"Relaaaax," Wade whispered “Can I move your hand?” he asked. Logan gave a stiff and hesitant nod and Wade gently grabbed his wrist. Wade could feel Logan's weak muscles twitch as he laid the man's hand on the tablet screen. Once illuminated, the two could see 'The October Country' at the top of the screen. Logan glanced up at Wade, who was smiling smugly.

“It's a reading tablet. I know technology is a foreign concept to you, since you’re a bajillion years old but don’t worry, it’s so easy toddlers use it. You can download books and read without needing to turn pages." Wade explained. “Just scroll like this." Wade continued, with his hand on top of Logan's, pulling his bent forefinger down the screen. Logan glanced up at Wade again as the younger man let go of his hand. "You try,” Wade encouraged.

Logan tried to pull on the screen with his forefinger but the page would only scroll down slightly. Logan grunted. “Hmm, try your thumb?” Wade suggested, adjusting Logan’s hand position slightly.

“Fuck.” Logan whispered, his thumb failing to do the trick.

“Hey, hold on. Let’s try this,” said Wade, pulling a stylus out of his pocket. He took Logan’s right hand in his and stuck the stylus in between Logan’s middle and forefingers. Holding it in place, he moved Logan’s hand, dragging the end of the stylus down the screen. This way, Logan was able to scroll on the tablet properly.

Wade cheered loudly, causing Logan’s hand to twitch in surprise. “Huzzah! Mazeltov! Gutentag! And the crowd goes wild!” Wade mimicked a crowd cheering, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Logan! Logan! Logan!” He continued miming a crowd.

“Gimme a minute,” Wade suddenly said, sprinting from the room. He returned a few minutes later with a washcloth and rubber bands. Back at Logan’s bedside Wade asked, “Can I see your hand again, pwetty pwetty pwease?” He tried his best puppy dog look, Logan glanced up at him and nodded. There was a look of gratitude and pleasant surprise in his blue eyes.

Logan appreciated that Wade asked before touching him. Wade wedged the stylus back in between Logan’s fingers, and secured it there using the rubber bands. Cushioning his skin with the dry cloth. “Pull, baby girl,” Wade instructed, taking his hand off of Logan’s. Logan’s eyebrows knit together and his scowl deepened with the effort to move the stylus down the tablet screen.

“Too heavy,” Logan sighed.

“Shit!” Wade cursed, genuinely frustrated. “I’ll get it figured out for you. I’m gonna find a way for you to use this yourself, dollface, I pinky promise,” he added.

Logan looked up at Wade and for the first time since they met, smiled at him. Wade could feel warmth rise in his chest as he smiled back. This was the first day he had left Shady Oaks in a better mood than he had arrived in.

When Wade returned home to his apartment he searched online for adaptive tools Logan might be able to use to scroll on the tablet screen. He found a lightweight strap that could secure a pen, or stylus to Logan’s hand without him having to hold it with his fingers.

A few days later, Wade walked into Shady Oaks with the adaptive tool in tow. He checked in at the social work office as usual and then made his way to the room labeled ‘Howlett, J’. For the first time since Wade had met Logan, he saw him out of bed, in his wheelchair. Sitting in his doorway, smirking up at Wade.

Wade froze and then clapped his hands a couple of times as he entered, “Oh. My. God.” He wolf-whistled and eyed Logan up and down obviously. “You look nice out of bed, Peanut. Foxy as Hell!” Wade winked at his friend. Logan rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the smile tugging at the edges of his lips.

When Wade had met Logan in bed, he was typically wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, but today, the man was wearing jeans and a green plaid button down. His hair was slicked back slightly, and he appeared freshly shaven, with his sideburns neat. Wade had to admit, he thought Logan looked beautiful. “What are we doing today, handsome?” Wade asked, smiling down at Logan. “A long romantic walk on the beach? Or I guess in your case, drive. Or is it ‘ride’? Or maybe you just wanted to get all cleaned up and fancy so I can give you a hot blowie?”

Logan let out a sarcastic gagging noise before asking, “Grab my coat?” Wade made his way to a coat rack in the corner of Logan’s room where a scarf and fleece lined leather jacket hung. Wade grabbed the jacket and stood in front of Logan, awkwardly holding it out in front of himself. Logan laughed, catching Wade off guard.

“Oh uh sorry, should I get a nurse or?” Wade asked

Logan sighed “I mean, you can do it…if ya don’t mind -“

“No! Of course not! I would be honored” Wade noticed his voice shaking. He also noticed his hands trembling as Logan walked him through the easiest way for him to get his jacket on. If Logan noticed, he ignored it.

“Follow me,” said Logan. He led Wade back down the way he had come and along another hallway he hadn't seen before, Wade took note of the way Logan pushed the joystick of his wheelchair with the knuckles of his right hand. Eventually, the two reached a door to the outside.

“Open the door, will ya bub?” Logan asked. Wade did as he was asked and held the door open for Logan with a sarcastic, deep bow to lead them into a courtyard.

In the warmer months, the courtyard was surrounded by thickly planted flower beds and green grass but now, everything was blanketed in thick white snow. Luckily, there was a plowed walkway, so Logan was able to maneuver his chair properly. There were a few benches and a couple of decorative cement tables scattered around. Wade was relieved to see that they were alone. Logan led Wade to a bench. Wade brushed some snow off of it and sat down and Logan angled his chair to face him.

“You look even nicer outside,” Wade smiled before adding, “What happened? What changed? Wait, no one died, right?”

“Well,” Logan started, looking past Wade as he spoke, “You thought about me. Uh, it means a lot. Really.” Logan said as he continued to avoid Wade’s gaze.

“Aww, Lo’. You’re like a feral little kitten! You just needed some love and pets and you warm right up,” Wade giggled, as he grabbed his backpack and took out the pen strap he had ordered, which was wrapped loosely in tissue paper. “Uhh, do you want to, like, open this?” Wade asked awkwardly.

“Give it here,” Logan smiled, his fingers twitching on his armrest. Wade put the small wad of tissue paper in Logan’s lap and asked him, “Can I move your hand?” Logan nodded and Wade grabbed his right arm by the wrist, moving it away from his joystick and into his lap, on top of the wad of paper.

Wade has noticed how due to the medical staff’s limited time with each patient, they seemed to rush Logan through tasks without giving him the option to do anything independently. Wade grinned as Logan fumbled with his thumb and forefinger. The determined look on his face was incredibly endearing to Wade. After a couple of minutes of struggling Logan mumbled, “You can get the damn thing.”

Wade chuckled as he quickly unwrapped the strap. He held it out for Logan to see, “What is it?” the older man asked

“Give me one second, honey badger. Can I see your hand again?” Wade took Logan’s right hand in his and easily attached the strap around it. Then, Logan realized.

“Tablets in my backpack. Grab it?” He asked. Wade stood up from the bench and walked around to the back of Logan’s chair. He unzipped the backpack hanging there and quickly found the tablet and stylus he had brought Logan a few days before. Wade put the tablet in Logan’s lap and attached the strap to his hand before pushing the stylus through the loop at the top of the strap, fastening it there. Wade switched on the tablet screen before moving Logan’s hand over it. He eagerly sat back down on the bench across from Logan.

Logan pulled the stylus down the screen and with only light pressure, he was able to scroll. Wade clapped happily. “Yes! Hell yes!” He exclaimed, rocking on the bench. He held his hands up to mime a trumpet and sang a little tune. Logan met Wade’s green eyes, and smiled warmly.

“Thanks, bub.” Logan smiled.

“Can I, uh, give you a hug?” Wade whispered before briefly covering his face with his hands. He saw Logan nod as he peaked at him from between his fingers. Wade leaned forward, sitting on the very edge of the bench. With the stylus still occupying Logan’s ‘good hand’, Wade reached for Logan’s joystick and pulled on it gently, driving his chair forward a couple of inches. Wade rested one foot on Logan’s footplate in between his legs and leaned into him. He pulled Logan forward slightly to get his arms around his back, and squeezed gently. Wade rested his chin on Logan’s shoulder for a moment. It felt so good to hold him, Wade felt like he could stay like this forever.

“Thanks,” Logan whispered into Wade’s ear before adding, “Now, get the fuck off me and let’s go inside. It’s cold,” he said with a scratchy chuckle.

Over the next few days, Wade could only think about seeing Logan again. He found himself waking up and falling asleep thinking about him. He couldn’t get the grouchy disabled man and his beautiful blue eyes out of his head. He wondered what he was doing throughout the day and hoped he was content. Wade also spent some of his spare time doing research on Logan’s disability. He wanted to understand as much as he could so he read articles and blogs and watched videos.

It was a Sunday morning and Wade was bored, absentmindedly scrolling on his phone when he realized that he didn’t have volunteering hours scheduled until Tuesday. He couldn’t wait. He decided to take advantage of Shady Oaks visiting hours for the first time.

It was about noon when Wade pushed open the doors to the skilled nursing facility. Wade had never visited Shady Oaks on a weekend and he noticed right away that it felt different. He didn’t see any patients walking in the hallways or socializing in the dayroom. He checked in at the thinly staffed office and made his way to Howlett J’s room.

Wade noticed that the door to Logan’s room was ajar instead of wide open as it usually was. He got a sinking feeling in his stomach as he pushed it open.

“Logan?” he whispered, slipping into the room.

The Logan he saw in bed this day was very different from the one he had seen on the last day he volunteered, just a few days before. Logan was supine on the bed, on top of the sheets and blanket in a white t-shirt and navy blue sweatpants. The stubble surrounding his sideburns was thick and untrimmed, his hair was amiss, and he wore a pained expression.

“Wade?” Logan rasped, turning his head slowly to face Wade before continuing, “Help…me -“ Logan struggled to speak even more so than usual. His face was twisted in discomfort. “What’s going on? What can I do?” Wade sunk to his knees next to the bed.

Logan continued to struggle to speak. Wade realized that the older man was gasping. “Sit up.” Logan finally choked out.

Wade hooked his arms underneath Logan’s to pull him into a sitting position against his pillows. Once upright, Logan took in some quick shaky breaths. Wade layed a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “You okay there, honey badger?” Wade asked.

Logan took in a deep breath before answering “can’t breathe very good on my back.” He paused “muscles around my lungs are real weak. Force of gravity -“ he trailed off, lacking enough breath to support his words. Wade got the point though.

“What the fuck? Where are the nurses? Why did they leave you like that? and for how long?” Wade’s tone turned angry.

“Not enough staff on weekends,” Logan explained before straining in a deep breath. Wade sat on the edge of the bed and stared into Logan’s tired blue eyes. Wade began to tremble, shaking the mattress.“You okay, bub?” asked Logan looking up at Wade.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me! ‘Am I okay?’ You’re the one who was taking a dirt nap!” Wade shouted suddenly jumping from the mattress. “What if I hadn’t come? You said you couldn’t breathe. Goddamnit.” Wade growled, pacing back and forth with anger.

“You wanna speak to the manager, bub? She ain’t here either.” Logan said, smirking. Wade stopped pacing and turned back to Logan.

He bent down next to the bed again, “You deserve better than this… Better than this, this fucking place with this douche-ass nurses! You deserve…” he trailed off.

Logan closed his eyes for a moment before trying to reassure his friend “‘s okay Wade.”

“It’s not okay. You could have died lying there! Could’ve fucking suffocated to death! And not in the sexy ‘autoerotic asphyxian’ way!” Wade exclaimed. Logan suppressed another eye roll. Wade took a deep breath to calm himself. “So, what happens on weekends?” He asked, sitting back down on the edge of the mattress.

“They bring ‘round meds and breakfast and then we wait. Some of us don’t get a bath or outta bed. Not enough hands.” Logan sighed. “I don’t blame ‘em. I wouldn’t wanna wash my ugly ass either,” he mumbled. Wade just stared at the man in the bed.

“I’ll take care of you, Logan. Will you let me? Please? I desperately want to wash your not ugly old man ass.” Wade begged, giving Logan puppy dog eyes.

Logan thought for a moment before nodding. “Okay.” He said. He had to admit, he felt gross. Wade lit up and grinned. “Okay, hold on.” He said, before sprinting into the bathroom adjoined to Logan’s room. A couple of minutes later, he returned to Logan’s bedside with a basin of warm water, washcloths and towels.

“You’re may have to guide me a bit,” Wade said as he put everything down on the overbed table. “I’ve never done this before. I really only have experience bathing Mary Puppins,” he admitted with a chuckle. “I didn’t even have any younger siblings to do this with, you know? Maybe that’s obvious, I like scream ‘neglected only child syndrome.’”

“Who?’ Logan gruffed.

“Oh, Mary Puppins is my dog. I haven’t told you about her? She’s sooo cute!” Wade explained as he sat down on the edge of the bed and began to wet the washcloth in the warm water.

“I ain’t no dog, kid.” Logan murmured.

“Duh, I know that! You actually remind me more of a kitty cat.” Wade laughed as he turned to look into Logan’s eyes. He brushed some stray hairs off of Logan’s forehead, “Ready, kitten?” he asked and Logan hummed his permission, ignoring the pet name. Wade gently wiped down Logan’s forehead, pausing to scrape some ‘sleep’ out of one of his tear ducts before working down to his scruff and neck.

“Do you want me to take your shirt off?” Wade asked gently.

“Go for it,” Logan whispered with his eyes closed. Wade awkwardly pulled off Logan’s white shirt. Fumbling, it took him a couple of tries and Logan groaned a bit but reassured Wade every time he asked, that he was all right. Once Logan’s shirt was off, Wade rewet the cloth and thoroughly wiped down Logan’s chest and shoulders.

“How long have you been here?” Wade asked as he lifted Logan’s arm to wash underneath it.

“Too long. Almost two years.” Logan told him.

“Holy fuck,” Wade whispered as he laid Logan’s arm back in his lap. “Do you have any family?” Wade inquired carefully, washing down Logan’s other arm.

“Nah, not really.” Logan answered.

“I could do this, ya know,” Wade said before rewetting and wringing out the cloth.

“Do what?” Logan asked

“Take care of you!” Wade said, meeting Logan’s eyes for a moment. Logan laughed, causing Wade to pout at him. “Why not? I could totally do it! You don’t believe in my awesome abilities?” He whined.

“It’s a lot more than a bath here and there, Wade,” Logan said seriously.

“I think I could do it,” Wade retorted with a huff, feigning confidence as he scrubbed Logan’s stomach.

“How do ya know how to do this, anyway?’” Logan asked.

“I watched a video about a guy with the same fuck ass disease you have and they were doing like ‘a day in the life’ kinda thing and they showed how to do a bed bath.” Wade explained. He suddenly realized he confessed to researching Logan’s condition.

Logan raised an eyebrow “Okay.” he said. It came out like a question.

Wade hummed happily as he pulled Logan forward to wipe down his back. Working lower, Wade reached the grey waistband of Logan’s sweatpants and paused, looking up at him questioningly. Logan simply nodded and turned his head away from Wade as he tugged his pants off. Once Logan was fully undressed, aside from a pair of plaid boxers, Wade continued to wipe him down with the washcloth. “Gimme oooone second,” Wade said, picking up the basin to take into the bathroom to refill with clean warm water. “Can I bend your legs?” Wade asked when he had returned, with a hand on Logan’s bare left knee.

“Slow,” Logan urged and Wade slid his hand underneath the knee to bend Logan’s left leg. This way, he was able to wash more thoroughly.

Logan hissed through his teeth as Wade bent his left leg. “Oh my god, I’m so so sorry, peanut. Did I hurt you?” Wade inquired frantically, removing his hand from Logan’s leg.

“My left side is weaker, gets stiff and sore quick,” Logan explained, through a pained expression. “Just, go slow. Like I said.” Logan instructed with a sigh. Once Wade had wiped down Logan’s left leg, he carefully eased it back into a straight position, watching Logan’s expression for any signs of discomfort.

“Are you in pain, like, a lot?” Wade asked carefully as he toweled off the older man’s legs.

Logan sighed and replied “Every day is different.”

“What do you mean?” Wade asked

“When you have a disease like mine, things can vary a lot day to day…”

Wade stared at Logan, begging with his eyes for a straightforward answer.

“Yes, I'm in pain, Wade. Used to it though. I’m okay,” Logan tried to reassure Wade.

“Can I wash your hair?” Wade whispered, quickly changing the subject.

“Knock yourself out,” said Logan.

Wade dug around in the cabinets in Logan’s bathroom and found a hair wash basin and a bottle of shampoo. He filled the basin with warm water and made his way back to Logan’s bedside. Crouching next to the mattress, Wade carefully slid the pillows out from under Logan’s head. Wade supported Logan’s head and neck with one arm and reached for the basin with the other. ”Fuck, your head is heavy. You could use it as a bowling ball!” Wade looked down at his friend and gave him a quick wink.

Once Logan’s crown was submerged in the water, Wade got to work lathering his thick hair in shampoo. Wade sat on the edge of the mattress, just above Logan’s head and massaged small circles into his scalp with his fingertips. Logan closed his eyes and hummed deeply. Wade could have sworn the man was purring.

“Hold on,” Wade said as he got up and sprinted back into the bathroom. He quickly returned with another container of water, plastic cup and another towel. He used the cup to pour fresh water from the container over Logan’s soapy hair until the water ran clear.

Logan closed his eyes and scrunched up his face as Wade rubbed at his hair with the towel. Looking up at Wade, Logan saw that the younger man was smiling. “Thank you.” Logan whispered. As Wade looked down at the freshly washed Logan, he got a jarring urge to kiss him. They met each other’s eyes briefly and both turned away, blushing.

“I ain’t gay or nothin, but...” Logan chuckled, turning his head away.

“BUT?” Wade exclaimed, maintaining eye contact with Logan as he slowly pulled him back into a full sitting position. “You’re willing to make an exception for a totally handsome, young and limber guy named Wade Wilson?” Wade giggled and continued on, “How about a shave? You look insane.” Wade laughed, rubbing Logan’s beard with the back of his hand. Wade returned to the bathroom where he found a razor and shaving cream.

“You know how I like it?” Logan asked, side eyeing Wade.

“Yeah, like a wolf man!” Wade exclaimed and pawed the air with his hands in a claw shape. He sprayed a dollop of shaving cream into his palm and spread a thin layer of it over Logan’s thick stubble. Wade easily got into a rhythm of shaving Logan’s face. He tried to make small talk with Logan but despite how much he was enjoying being close to him, he couldn't shake his anger over the situation. Over Logan’s neglect. Regardless of whether or not he wanted to do this, he shouldn't have to.

Once he was finished shaving, Wade wiped the shaving cream from Logan’s face with a moist cloth before taking out his phone and opening the camera to show Logan his handy work. “How’d I do?” Wade asked.

“You did great, bub.” Logan affirmed warmly.

“You good for a minute? I’m gonna clean this shit up.” Wade said, gesturing to the array of bowls of water, cups and towels he had used to bathe and groom Logan. “Yup” whispered Logan and Wade took everything into the bathroom in a couple of trips.

As Wade was rinsing out the hair wash basin in the sink, he heard the door to Logan’s room open and a feminine voice call out, “Hello? Mr. Howlett?” Wade turned the faucet off and turned his ear towards the bathroom door.

“Is someone here, Mr. Howlett?” the feminine voice asked.

“Wade, the volunteer,” Logan answered, sounding annoyed.

“We don’t have volunteers here on weekends,” the nurse said, looking around the room.

“I took care of him because you didn’t!” Wade shouted as he stepped out of the bathroom.

“We’re short staffed but we’re trying our best…it’s–” the nurse started but Wade cut her off.

“Um, there is literally no excuse for the scene that I walked in on this morning. Did you know he was on his back? He was struggling to breathe when I got here!” Wade was shaking, anger burning in his chest.

“Logan has a voice. He could have asked for help.” The nurse said.

Wade took a step closer to the nurse and exclaimed, “Yeah but it’s kinda hard to talk when you can’t freaking breathe!” He waved his arms about dramatically, “There’s no excuse. Just wait until Erin hears about this!” Wade shouted, putting his hands on his hips. He glanced at Logan on the bed who looked like he wanted to disappear.

“Wade, can you give us some privacy so I can get Mr. Howlett dressed?” the nurse asked calmly, ignoring Wade’s rage. Wade stood in the bathroom doorway, still trembling with anger.

“‘S okay, Wade–” Logan tried but Wade cut him off.

“It is so not okay!” Wade shot back sharply, taking a couple of steps towards the doorway to the hall.

The nurse took a deep breath, “Wade, thank you for your help. Will you give us a minute?” The nurse asked again, attempting to deescalate the situation. Wade looked to Logan on the bed, who was trying to reassure Wade with his expression. “You’re welcome to come back in. Just give -” the nurse was cut off by Wade slamming Logan’s door as he exited.

Wade paced in the hallway. He took out his phone. There had to be someone he could call to report this. He did not care how short staffed Shady Oaks was on weekends or how much Logan tried to brush off his own neglect, he felt in his soul that Logan and the other patients deserved better.

As he stood against the wall, trying to catch his breath, Wade noticed a young woman walking towards him, down the empty hallway. She had an evident limp and leaned heavily on a wooden cane.

“Hey," said the young brunette as she stopped outside Logan’s doorway. She had streaks of white in her hair and a thick southern accent.

“Hey,” Wade gave a shaky reply.

“Are you here to see Logan too?” The girl asked before adding, “I’m Marie,” and offering Wade her hand.

“Uh yeah, I got here earlier and guess what? He was alone, flat on his back!” Wade said, roughly taking Marie’s hand and shaking it energetically. “Can you believe that shit?”

“Short staffed again, huh?” Marie’s face was stern as she began banging on Logan’s door. She grabbed the handle and pushed it open. The nurse had dressed Logan and was heading towards the door. Wade walked in behind Marie and sat on the edge of the blue recliner.

Marie glared at the nurse before hurrying to Logan’s bedside to give him a half hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Hey, sugah. Gimme a minute. I need to talk to this lady. Ma’am, can you step out into the hallway with me for a moment?” Marie asked with a smile, grabbing the nurse by the elbow and leading her into the hallway. Marie shut the door behind them but Wade and Logan could hear Marie giving the nurse an earful. Wade grinned at Logan, who simply shook his head at him with a sigh. A few minutes later, she carefully slid the door back open and slipped inside, smiling at Wade and Logan.

“So, how do ya’ll know each other?” Marie asked, taking a deep breath. Logan and Wade looked at each other.

“Wade’s been volunteering here a few days a week.” Logan explained.

“Yeah, he’s been a real asshole to me!” Wade winked at Logan and continued, “How do y'all know each other?” he asked the other two, playfully imitating Marie’s accent.

“He was my teacher,” Marie smiled

“She was trouble,” Logan said, smirking. Marie batted lightly at Logan’s shoulder.

“You wanna get outta bed, Logan? We can go chat in the dayroom.” Marie glanced up at the hoyer lift above Logan’s bed.

“Guess so,” Logan mumbled.

Marie walked Wade through how to use the hoyer lift to get Logan out of bed and into his wheelchair. He eagerly watched every step from driving his chair to the bedside, to maneuvering Logan’s body into the sling and harness.

Once Logan was secured into the sling, Wade raised a hand just above Logan’s head and laughed mockingly, “Ladies and gentleman, please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Woops, that won’t be a problem for you, will it sir?” earning an eye roll from Logan. Wade watched as the sling lifted Logan off of the mattress in a sitting position, rambling on, “If you are pregnant, breastfeeding, have a heart condition, are constipated, allergic to shellfish or are Emma Stone, specifically in the hit 2009 classic zombie move ‘Zombieland’, then please exit the ride immediately." He instinctively cupped the back of Logan’s unsupported head as the lift lowered Logan into his chair.

Once Logan was seated, Marie unbuckled the straps of the harness and carefully slid the sling from underneath his body. Logan took a deep breath as Wade helped to adjust his arms and legs properly. Marie reached for Logan’s chest restraint causing him to let out a low growl. “Geez, fine,” she said, dropping it and grabbing his lap belt instead.

“When you fall, don’t blame me sugah.” Marie sniggered. She was very aware of Logan’s history of reckless driving and it’s consequences. Logan drove fast and stopped suddenly. Marie’s thoughts returned to the handful of times she found her teacher sprawled on the floor of the school’s corridor.

When Logan was set, the three made their way out of his room and down the hallways towards the day room. Shady Oak’s day room was luckily, sparsely occupied. It was also dotted with tacky holiday decorations. There was even a small Christmas Tree in the middle. There were a couple of other residents scattered around. Some reading quietly and in one corner a group playing cards. The three found a free spot at a table in one of the back corners of the room.

“You know, Honey Badger, you look great! Dare I say, insanely sexy! You should let me clean you up more often. I’ll even use my tongue next time if you want.” Wade wiggled his eyebrows at Logan who simply ignored him.

“Anyone ever tell ya it’s rude to stare.” Logan grumbled after a few moments, noticing Wade giving him long glances.

“Not, staring. Admiring, princess,” Wade corrected. He really was proud of his handy work.

Logan cleared his throat and turned to Wade again. “So, uh. We’re having a holiday party here, Christmas Eve. You’re welcome to come. I owe ya one.” Logan said, his voice shaking a bit. This surely would not be the wild type of holiday party that Wade was used to, but to be invited by Logan? He was thrilled!

Wade squealed, throwing his arms around Logan to squeeze him gently into a hug. Logan huffed and tried to jerk away a little. “Oh really? I can come? Oh my gosh, I’m the luckiest girl in all of Canada! What will I wear? I’ll have to have my Daddy taking me shopping for a new dress and shoes!” He let go of the older man and clasped his hands together. “You better get me flowers and bring me home by 10!”

“It’s not prom,” Logan protested gruffly. Wade stuck out his tongue at him, while Marie laughed at the back and forth.

After an hour or so of the trio chatting, an aide appeared to take Logan back to his room for lunch. Wade and Marie gave Logan hugs and parted ways in the nursing facilities parking lot. Wade drove home feeling sad for Logan but oddly hopeful.

```
The next day (Monday) Wade woke up very early and restlessly waited for 9am to come so he could call Shady Oaks. He called at precisely 9 am and asked to speak with Erin. He found himself weeping as he described the events of the day before. Finding Logan alone and neglected, in a dangerous position. Erin sounded genuinely concerned and tried to reassure Wade that she would speak with the weekend staff. Wade was not reassured, though. He only thought and worried about Logan more when he was away, becoming anxious that something may go wrong again. And what if he isn’t there to save Logan?

One night, Wade awoke in a cold sweat from a nightmare where he had found Logan on his back, unconscious, not breathing and unable to be woken up. He wished he could just take Logan home with him and make sure he was okay, but Logan was a grown man with complex health needs, not a puppy. Wade knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

—

“We need your help with lunch today, Wade, if you wouldn’t mind?” Erin asked as she led Wade down the hallway. Wade nodded as they stopped by the cafeteria.

“You know he really likes you.” Erin announced. Wade couldn’t help but blush.

“D’awww, really? That’s what Marie told me. With the way he acts, I’d never know though.” Wade smiled as Erin handed him a tray of food. “I’d hate to be someone he doesn’t like.”

“You’re looking at ‘em.” Erin laughed as she put an extra sandwich wrapped in plastic on top of the tray.

“Well, good afternoon baby girl, I’ve brought us lunch.” Wade said as he crossed the threshold into Logan’s room.

Logan was sitting in his wheelchair, reading on his tablet that was propped up on a tray that was attached to the front of his chair. He raised an eyebrow at Wade but didn’t make a sound until Wade reached for his tablet. The older man grunted and frowned as Wade replaced his reading material with the tray of food. Logan sighed at the contents of the tray as Wade sat on the edge of the recliner.

“How many Michelin stars does the kitchen here have?” Wade tried as he lifted coverings off of Logan’s lunch, which consisted of a grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup, apple sauce and a bottle of water. “Hm. I think Gordon Ramsey might have a word to say to these folks. It was all very unremarkable looking. “I’ve never done this before, you’re gonna have to help me.” Wade admitted making Logan chuckle. “So, what first, honey bunches?” Wade asked as he peeled plastic wrap from his sandwich.

“Soup I guess. Probably already cold,” Logan grumbled.

As Wade submerged the spoon into the tomato soup, his eyes met Logan’s, silently asking for permission. Logan nodded and leaned forward slightly, signaling to Wade that he was ready for the bite of food. Wade smiled warmly, meeting Logan’s blue eyes.

Wade quickly got into a rhythm of preparing bites of food for Logan, feeding him and watching carefully as he swallowed. Wade noticed that it took more effort than normal for Logan to even swallow liquids. According to the research Wade had done on Logan’s condition, the muscles he used to chew and swallow food were very weak.

Wade rambled on about a little bit of everything as they ate together while trying to pay attention to Logan’s comfort level while eating. Wade had also learned that breathing can be more difficult for someone like Logan while trying to eat and digesting food. He was careful to pause in between bites, watching Logan’s chest, throat and face for any signs of strain. “And then I was like, bitch, this is my fucking dog, you can’t just come up and pet her without asking me! What if she bit your finger off? I mean, she doesn’t have any teeth, but this lady didn’t know that!” He waved the spoon in the air dramatically as he told the story. “You know sometimes they put down dogs who bite people! What if my dog got scared and bit her? Some people are just selfish, ya know?” Logan didn’t answer, but his eyes were focused on Wade with an intense expression. Wade coughed awkwardly, looking away and suddenly changing the subject.

“So, Lo’, I got a question.” Wade said, putting Logan’s spoon down for a moment.

“How did you teach if um – “ Wade couldn’t find the words, and trailed off.

Logan huffed.

“If my speech is so bad?” Logan guessed.

“Um, no,” Wade scoffed, “I was totally gonna say it more politically correct. Like ‘How did you teach if you sound like a chain smoker who swallowed swords as a side hobby?’”

Logan sighed. “Wasn’t always this bad. My disease is progressive.” Logan told him.

“Wha -” Wade started.

“Meanin’ it’s gettin’ worse. I used to talk better, I used to be able to hold my head up and move my arms a little too,” Logan explained.

Wade couldn’t help but wonder how things could possibly get worse for Logan.

“So, like, what’s gonna happen to you from here?” Wade asked, picking up Logan’s spoon again and dipping it into the tomato soup.

“What’s my prognosis?” Logan let out a dry chuckle before opening his mouth for the bite of food.

“Yeah, sure, what’s your prostate or whatever you said?” Wade said.

Once Logan had swallowed, he laughed again, catching Wade off guard.

“Well, my muscles will get weaker and weaker until I can’t even breathe on my own. Most people with my condition end up dying on a ventilator,” Logan said seriously.

Wade felt a wave of dread and sadness wash over him. He stared at the food in between them silently.

“I’ll be fine, Wade.” Logan tried to reassure Wade.

‘He sure as hell will not be fine,’ Wade thought but he wasn’t going to argue.

Wade wiped a drop of soup from Logan’s chin with a napkin before holding up the water bottle for him to drink from. Wade studied Logan’s face as he tried to swallow a gulp of water. Logan began to cough and wheeze weakly as Wade nearly dropped the water bottle back onto the wheelchair tray.

“Holy shitballs, are you okay?” Wade shouted, getting to his feet and standing beside Logan, awkwardly patting him on the back. Logan continued to struggle and the pained expression on his face terrified Wade. “Okay, okay, hold on honey badger, I got you,” He cried out as he frantically threw the tray of mostly eaten food onto the recliner and struggled to remove the tray from the front of Logan’s wheelchair. Logan continued to cough and gasp weakly, struggling to get air in.

Logan was pale and sweating by the time Wade detached his tray from his chair. The effort of trying to clear his lungs began to shake his whole body. Wade crouched down in front of him and placed both hands, one over the other, below Logan’s ribs, and pushed hard “Cough!” Wade begged as he compressed Logan’s diaphragm. Logan tried but only ended up wheezing again. Wade could hear a moist rattling in Logan’s chest. There was fluid in his lungs.

“Please, please, goddamnit” Wade spat as he prepared another compression. Again, he pushed hard on Logan’s diaphragm muscle “Cough!” he instructed and this time, with the added pressure, Logan was able to cough effectively. His body trembled violently but he finally took a ragged breath in before his head fell forward, water and drool dripping from his mouth.

Finally, a passing aide ran into Logan’s room after hearing the commotion from within. “He swallowed water wrong and I did a cough assist!” Wade exclaimed, both triumphant and terrified. His whole body trembled as he held Logan’s head upright with both hands. Wade had learned how to perform a cough assist maneuver as part of his research on Logan’s disability, though he couldn’t have imagined actually having to do one.

The aide bolted back out of the room and quickly returned with a portable suction machine. Wade held Logan’s head with shaky hands as the nurse suctioned fluid and secretions from his mouth. Wade had also learned that suctioning from the mouth was done because Logan lacked the strength to affectively spit or swallow. Something Wade would surely joke about another time.

Wade carefully laid Logan’s head back onto his headrest before stepping out of the way as a nurse rushed to Logan’s side to take his vitals. The nurse clipped a pulse oximeter to Logan’s forefinger and listened to his lungs with a stethoscope. “Oxygen is a bit low,” the nurse murmured to the aide after gently lifting Logan’s hand to check the numbers on the pulse ox.

The aide left the room in a hurry and quickly returned with an oxygen concentrator. “Are you okay, Mr. Howlett?” the aide asked gently as she looped the oxygen tubing over his ears. Logan squinted up at the aide and grunted.

Wade, trying to make himself useful, entered Logan’s bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. He ran it under warm water and rang it out before returning to Logan’s side. He stood in front of Logan who was still lying back with his eyes mostly shut and used the cloth to gently wipe down his mouth, chin and neck.

“Let’s get you a clean shirt, honey bunches.” Wade cooed, grabbing a gray t-shirt from Logan’s dresser as the nurse pulled off the one Logan was wearing, soiled with the fluid from Logan’s lungs. Wade wiped down Logan’s chest with the washcloth before helping the nurse pull the clean shirt onto him.

The nurse gave Logan another once over. “He’s alright for now, please come get us immediately if he seems to be struggling to breathe,” the nurse told Wade, “You did great by the way.” she added, placing a hand on his shoulder before unclipping the pulse ox from Logan’s finger.

Once the two were alone again, Wade sat heavily on the edge of Logan’s mattress and allowed his head to fall into his hands. He sat that way, his head swirling with thoughts and doubts until he heard the low hum of Logan’s wheelchair approaching. Peeking through his fingers, Wade watched as Logan drove towards him until legs were touching Wade’s. Wade reached down and took Logan’s left hand in his.

“Thank you.” Logan whispered breathily, lifting his head just slightly from the headrest.

Wade put a foot between Logan’s on the wheelchair’s footplate and leaned down, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder.

“Look at me,” Logan whispered into Wade’s ear. Wade turned around, staring into Logan’s tired blue eyes. The older man closed his eyes and leaned forward, placing a tender kiss on Wade’s lips.

Warmth and excitement rose in Wade’s chest, Finally! He had wanted this for so long and he didn’t even have to make the first move. (As long as performing a cough assist wasn’t considered a “move”?)

Wade couldn’t help but laugh gently. He placed his hands on either side of Logan’s head and pulled him forward for another hard kiss. Logan coughed and Wade dropped a hand to his chest in concern.

“I’m fine.” Logan rasped, coughing again.

Wade adjusted the oxygen tubing under Logan’s nose and leaned back to look him up and down. Even in this state, he was beautiful. “I love you so fucking much,” Wade whispered, pulling Logan close.

“I love you too,” Logan rasped, smiling into Wade’s chest.

———-

Wade began spending as much time as possible at Shady Oaks. He still completed his volunteering hours three days a week but he also spent any free time he had with Logan. He would often come at meal times and bring food he knew Logan liked.

Logan also became more comfortable with Wade. Allowing him to help him with more of his personal care and Wade jumped at the opportunity. Wade was a natural caregiver but especially to Logan.

“Hey baby girl, I bought us dinner!” Wade sang as he stepped into Logan’s room with Chinese takeout boxes in hand. “This place is sooo good, it’s one of those Chinese restaurants where it’s family owned and they make their children work there for free. Some eight year old lovingly hand crafted these wontons so you better enjoy them!” Logan was in his wheelchair facing a hockey game on the small TV mounted to the wall in front of his bed,

“Oh, babe…” Wade clicked his tongue, taking in Logan’s rough appearance. His head hung awkwardly to one side and drool dripped from his lower lip. His hand had also slipped off of his joystick so he was stuck and unable to leave his room for help,

Wade cringed at the unnatural angle of Logan’s neck and the puddle of saliva that had collected on his sweatpants. Logan’s disease weakened his neck muscles to the extent that if his head fell forward or to the side, he wouldn’t have the strength to pick it up again.

Wade felt anger rise in his chest as he set the food down on Logan’s bedside table. Where was the staff? Wade wondered, How dare they leave Logan in such a state! Wade imagined how dehumanizing it must feel for Logan to exist like this.

Wade imagined himself in Logan’s shoes. Helpless, let alone, drooling in a nursing home, where even the staff didn’t give a shit about him. Wade couldn't blame Logan for being an asshole.

Logan was supposed to be monitored every half an hour but it didn’t look like anyone had checked on him in a good while. Wade used two hands to gently readjust Logan’s neck and lie his head back onto his headrest. Once Logan was in a more comfortable position, Wade grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom.

“You okay, peanut?” Wade asked, using the cloth to wipe Logan’s chin.

“Yeah,” Logan strained,

Wade wasn’t convinced.

“How long have you been here like this?” Wade asked.

“‘Hour or so,” Logan replied.

“Fuck,” Wade whispered before continuing, “Don’t you fucking dare say it’s okay. I know you don’t give a shit about yourself but I give a big shit -” Wade paused but couldn’t even manage a chuckle, “Damnit Logan, I love you and it makes me sick how you’re treated here! I’m so scared that one day I’ll show up and you… You’ll…” He trailed off.

“I love you too,” was all Logan could manage. Wade huffed, waving his hand.

“Sorry about the state o’ me,” Logan mumbled as Wade unpacked their takeout.

“Shit Logan, don’t apologize! Jesus fucking fuck,” Wade sighed.

As they ate together, Wade's heart was heavy but the food and each other’s company quickly lightened the mood. Wade found himself rambling as usual, as he fed himself and Logan.

“I could do this.” Wade said suddenly, finally making eye contact with Logan as he aimed a forkful of rice at his face. Logan rolled his eyes and frowned.

“Wade,” Logan scolded. “We’ve been over this.” Logan said, sounding particularly weak.

“You could come live with me. I hate thinking about you being here all of the time. I know you hate it!” Logan let out a low growl as Wade continued, “They don’t take good care of you here, but I could! I know it’s not easy, okay, but I can do it, I swear!” Wade desperately tried to convince Logan.

Wade continued to hold the fork in midair for a few more seconds, waiting for Logan to open his mouth but he sat staring at Wade, his mouth pressed into a hard line. Wade lowered the fork with a sigh. He stared at the food between them for a moment before sheepishly glancing up at Logan, whose expression had softened. Though, there was still pain in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Wade whispered, lowering his gaze again.

“I don’t think you fully understand what you think you want, Wade.” Logan started, Wade opened his mouth to speak but Logan cut him off, “It’s not just baths and meals, Wade.”

“I don’t c-” Wade started but Logan cut him off again.

“I need help with everything, Wade.”

“So, what!? l’ll wipe your ass! I don’t care! You think that bothers me? I’d shove my whole fist up your ass! I’ll clean your dick cheese off with my tongue! I don’t give a fuck, Lolo!” Wade exclaimed. Logan flinched and rolled his eyes but when he looked at Wade again, there was warmth in his expression.

“Do you know what it does to a person’s body to lift an adult several times a day?” Logan asked “I doubt your place has a lift.” he added.

Wade huffed, “So you think I’m weak? That’s the problem?” He lifted his arm, flexing it and patting his own bicep. “I’ll have you know I’m extremely yolked. Like, Hulk Hogan? John Cena? The Rock? Pfft, they got nothing on me!”

Logan rolled his eyes, not entertaining the direction of the conversation. “I’m not a puppy, Wade,” added Logan, finality in his tone. Wade ducked his head, his face burning and shame crawling through his stomach. He hated the scolding tone Logan used when they discussed this

“I know, you’re a kitty,” Wade finally said, reaching up and touching Logan’s wild hair. It did kind of look like cat ears. Logan flinched away but couldn’t help but smile at Wade.

“Food’s gettin’ cold,” Logan told Wade dryly.

“Yeah yeah,” Wade laughed, “So demanding!” He joked, picking the fork back up to give Logan a bite of rice.

—---

A few days later, when Wade entered the social work office at Shady Oaks, Erin approached him as he grabbed his name tag.

“Hey,” She placed a hand on his shoulder blade.

“I wanted to give you a head up. Logan has been -” Erin paused, “Struggling.”

“Yeah, well no shit, with the way you all treat him here!”

“Excuse me? - “ Erin started but Wade cut her off. “Every time I come in here, he’s alone and in bad shape! Erin, what if he was your dad? Or someone you love? It is so not okay! This is fucking sick! He’s not a…a fucking pet you can just ignore! Logan is a human being who deserves care and dignity.” Wade suddenly realized he was crying. He sniffled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand harshly.

Erin sighed, and took a step towards Wade, “Wade, listen, we’re trying…”

“Well, try harder because this is not even close to okay!” Wade shouted. The whole office was staring at them now but Wade didn’t care. He took a deep breath and lowered his tone. “You’re so lucky I’m Canadian, because otherwise I’d do the American thing and sue the pants right off this freaking place. Right off! Underwear and all!” He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, trying to pull himself together. “What is it?” he asked.

“He hasn’t wanted anyone touching or moving him, which has made it incredibly difficult to take care of him. Could be pain, could be depression, hopefully he’ll open up for you,” Erin said in a defeated tone.

“Yeah, no shit, I’d be depressed too if I was stuck in here,” He snapped, “It looks like a funeral home had sex with a cheap motel.”

Wade nearly pushed past Erin. He was shaking with anger and worry. Wade threw the office door open and sprinted down the hallway towards Logan’s room.

“Lo’?” Wade whispered as he crossed the threshold into Logan’s room. Logan, sitting upright in bed, grunted back. Wade stood at the edge of the bed studying the man across from him. He wore a yellow flannel shirt buttoned up halfway and grey boxer shorts. A pair of jeans and balled up socks were laid out at the end of the bed. The scene indicated that someone had not been able to finish dressing Logan. Or, rather, he had not allowed someone to finish dressing him.

“What’s up?” Wade tried to ask casually as he took a seat on the edge of the sticky blue recliner. Logan let out a low hum but didn’t adjust his gaze to greet Wade. He continued to stare straight ahead at the turned off television at the end of his bed. “Are you in pain?” Wade tried but Logan only laughed humorlessly.

“Can I help you get dressed?” Wade asked carefully, “Not that I don’t love looking at you in your boxers. Awooga, am I right?” Logan ignored him altogether.

Wade felt defeated as he looked down at his knees. He had been feeling like he had made such good progress with Logan. He truly thought that the man was finally trusting him and letting his guard down. They had had so many intimate moments and even kissed but now, for some reason, Logan was pushing him away, just like he did everyone else, and he had no clue of knowing why.

“Tell me what’s wrong!” Wade demanded as he suddenly stood.

“Wade,” Logan gruffed, turning an eye to glance at Wade before looking forward again..

“No! What is it? Why won’t you let them take care of you? You say I can’t so at least let them!” He huffed and pointed at Logan, “You look and smell like shit by the way.”

“I can’t control that,” Logan protested roughly.

“Um, yes you can! Just because you can’t do it yourself doesn’t mean you can’t let people help you! You don’t have to sit here like this!” Wade yelled.

“Fuck you. You’ll never understand. None of ya will,” Logan finally met Wade’s eyes.

Wade felt rage start to bubble in his stomach. All of this time and energy he had spent here, all of the thought he had dedicated to Logan outside of here, for what? He thought he was special to Logan, that Logan could trust him and confide in him. Maybe he was wrong.

“You’re just an asshole!” Wade shouted, shaking on his feet. “Now, I know why you’re stuck here! Because you’re an ungrateful dick and no one else wants to deal with you! Even if someone you knew wanted to, gee can’t think of who that could be, you won’t let them! ‘Coz you’d rather sit here and wallow in pity like a fucking child! And… And you’re gross!”

As soon as the words left him, Wade wished he could take them back. He sunk down into the recliner and put his head in his hands. He glanced up at Logan through his fingers and saw that the man was trembling so hard in bed that he was shaking the mattress.

“I’m sorry, I - “ Wade started.

“Save it.” Logan rasped, still shaking with anger.

Wade stood up and stepped closer to Logan’s bed, reaching out a hand to him.

“Get the fuck away from me,” Logan growled.

Without another word, Wade tore out of Logan’s room and began to make his way down the hall, staring at the tile floor as walked. About half way down the hallway, he began to hear something he recognized: a rhythmic tapping on the tile floor along with light footsteps. Wade glanced up and saw Marie walking towards him, taking short strides supported by her cane.

Marie offered Wade a small smile but her face fell upon seeing his defeated expression..

“You okay, sugah?” She asked gently. Wade shook his head, holding back tears.

“What happened? Is Logan okay?” A flash of concern shown in Marie’s green eyes.

“He’s okay, physically.” Wade whispered,

“Come on, let’s talk,” Marie said, grabbing Wade’s elbow. She led him down the hallway and into the dayroom. They sat across from each other at one of the tables.

“When I checked in, Erin told me that he’s been refusing care all of the sudden.” Wade began to explain.

“Ah, yeah, he goes through little phases like that, I guess you could say, ever since he’s been here. He told me that he doesn’t feel - “ Marie paused to make air quotes with her fingers, “‘worthy’ of being taken care of.”

“Fuuuuuuuck, that makes what I said so much worse.” Wade put his head down on the table and let out a moan. Marie reached across to lay a hand on one of Wade’s.

“What did you say, sugah? I’ve snapped too. Logan can be less than pleasant, I know,” she tried to reassure Wade.

“I told him that it’s his fault that he’s stuck here because he’s an asshole,” Wade sighed before adding “and I called him gross.”

Marie’s laugh in response caught Wade off guard. His head snapped up and he raised an eyebrow.

“Oh. honey. Trust me, he’ll be okay. Like I said, I know how spiny he can be,” Marie grinned “He’s gotta learn to eat what he’s serving anyway, he’ll live.”

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?” Wade asked sheepishly, and then started to ramble nervously. “I don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t. I hate it, being without him. I hate going home because he’s not there. Fuck, I spend all my time here! What am I gonna do now? If I beg on my hands and knees, like really really beg, do you think I have a chance?”

“Relax. Thankfully, I brought something that may guarantee your forgiveness.” Marie picked up her purse. “You need to be real discreet with this now, and wait until the next shift comes on.” She continued quickly holding up a can of Heineken beer before shoving it back into her purse.

—-

The two returned to Logan’s room together and found him in the same state Wade had left him, half dressed and angry. Wade took a seat on the recliner, avoiding Logan’s eyes as Marie made her way around the side of the bed. Without missing a beat, she grabbed Logan’s shirt and began buttoning it. “Now, why are you giving these folks a hard time?” she scolded as she worked. Logan didn’t answer.

Marie picked up the jeans at the end of the bed, folded them and put them back into Logan’s dresser before grabbing a pair of gray sweatpants out of another drawer “These better?” she asked, holding up the clothing so Logan could see. He offered a small nod. Sweatpants were indeed easier to put on than jeans. Wade made a mental note of it.

Wade watched from the recliner as Marie pulled the pants onto Logan. Logan let an embarrassing whimper escape him as Marie bent his left leg. She shushed him gently before continuing. Wade was impressed with Marie’s confidence in managing Logan’s stubbornness as well as her ability to ground him. Once Logan was dressed, Marie stepped back and looked him over. With her cane leaned up against the bedside table, she had both hands on her hips, and her lips pursed judgingly.

“What?” Logan finally snapped at her.

“What yourself, old man,” she replied before playfully swatting him on the shoulder. “Let’s wash your face and brush your teeth. Are you hungry?” Marie said, glancing at Logan’s untouched breakfast tray. She didn’t wait for him to answer and went straight to preparing the hoyer lift to transfer him into his wheelchair.

Together, Marie and Wade used to lift to get Logan into his wheelchair. The process took longer than usual as Logan requested breaks in between steps of the process due to his level of discomfort, which was likely part of the reason why he had been so stubborn with his caretakers.

Once seated, Logan sighed deeply as Marie fasted his lap belt. Still avoiding Logan’s face, Wade placed Logan’s hand on his joystick before stepping back and taking a seat on the edge of the mattress.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Wade whispered to Logan, trying not to tear up as Marie disappeared into the adjoined bathroom. Logan glanced up at Wade and studied his face for a moment before replying. Wade offered a half smile as Logan’s eyes met his,

“Do you really think I'm gross?” Logan muttered causing Wade to jump from the mattress. He kneeled down in front of Logan, with his hands on either side of his head. Logan flinched at first but quickly leaned into Wade’s touch.

“Nah, I was just being a douche. I think you’re beautiful, my dearest.” Wade told him, smiling, “I really do.” He leaned in and rubbed his nose against Logan’s before giving him a small peck on the lips. Logan made a disgusted face punctuated with a smirk. “In fact, I think you may be the prettiest girl I have ever seen. I shall have to ask my Pa if you can be my betrothed. I care not if your family has a large dowry, nay! Your stunning ocean eyes are payment enough.” Wade sighed dramatically, clasping his hands together.

He was about to continue when Marie returned from the bathroom with a washcloth. Wade stopped prattling and let her wipe down Logan’s face. She helped him slick his hair back in the style that he preferred before convincing him to let her brush his teeth. A care task that Logan truly hated. So as not to stare at Logan throughout his whole hygiene routine, Wade kicked off his shoes and leaned back onto Logan’s pillows. He picked up the TV remote and switched on the television at the end of the bed. Wade settled on a nature documentary and waited for Marie to finish.

Just as Marie held a cup for Logan to rinse, a light knock came from behind Logan’s closed door. “Come in!” Marie called as she chucked the paper cup into the trash bin in the corner. Erin pushed the door open, and took a moment to study the scene in Logan’s room. Wade straightened up and kicked his legs over the side of the bed, slightly embarrassed. Wade nodded at her nonchalantly, throwing a hand behind his head. “What’s up? Come to admire how much better we do your job than you?”

“I have good news, Logan.” Erin told him, ignoring Wade, as people often do. Logan stared at her blankly.

“You’ve been cleared to go on an excursion this weekend.” She said, “Wade and Marie, you are welcome to come help if you’d like.” The three looked at Logan, waiting for some reaction.

“Okay,” was all the man could manage.

“We’re going to the aquarium,” Erin added happily.

“Oh my god! This is gonna be so much fun! I can’t frickin’ wait!” Wade exclaimed, sitting up suddenly. He kicked his feet like a kid. “Fishies! We’re going to see fishies! O.M.G., will you buy me a fishie toy? Like a Nemo, whatever those fish are called? Pleaaaase?” Logan rolled his eyes at Wade but there was fondness in them when they focused again.

“I’m in!” Marie announced before quickly excusing herself to take a phone call.

“Great, we’re leaving at 9am on Saturday morning. We’ll have lunch there and be back before dinner time.” Erin told Wade and Logan. Erin stepped out of the room, leaving Wade and Logan alone. Wade turned to the older man smiling.

“C’mon, don’t you wanna get outta here?” Wade asked Logan

“Yeah, just…-” Logan started but Wade cut him off, “It could be like a date. Our first date! If you’ll take me.” Wade dramatically batted his eyelashes in Logan’s direction causing the seated man to groan.

Marie opened Logan’s door and stuck her head inside “See you later boys. Remy needs help. One of the cats got out.” she sighed.

Once Wade and Logan were alone again, Wade took a seat on Logan’s bed. “Promise you’re not still mad? I mean, you’re always kinda mad, but at me?” Wade asked, picking up his backpack. “I mean, I know that’s like impossible. I am oh so charming and lovely and a joy to be around, but y’know, I… I’d hate it if you were pissed at me.”

“Yeah, I know I ain’t the nicest sometimes.” Logan admitted.

Wade grinned happily. “Yay! Hey, I brought something for you.” Wade said, unzipping his backpack. He pulled out the bottle of beer that Marie had given him which was in a drink koozie to keep it cold. Logan grinned..

“There’s a straw in my drawer there.” Logan said, gesturing towards his nightstand with his eyes. Wade grabbed the straw before picking up a cup of water that was sitting on top of the nightstand. “Done with this?” he asked and Logan nodded. Wade drank the last bit of water in the cup and carefully poured the bottle of beer into it.

Logan drove forward to sit across from Wade who was sitting on the edge of the mattress. Wade leaned down and held the straw to Logan’s lips. The older man drank deeply and beamed up at Wade. “Ah, that is so nice.” He sighed, “Thanks, Wade.”

“So I’m like double forgiven now, right? Like I got one in the bank so next time I piss you off you just have to forgive me right away?” Wade asked, holding the cup in the air between himself and Logan. “You want me to grab your tray?”

“No, it’ll be in the way,” Logan mumbled.

“In the way? Of what?” Wade tilted his head in confusion.

“C’mere,” Logan whispered.

Wade awkwardly leaned in, not sure what Logan wanted as Logan drove forward to close the space between them. Wade slid his arms behind Logan’s back and pulled the man forward to plant a kiss on his lips. Wade leaned back to read Logan’s expression to find that the other man’s eyes were closed and he was leaning in again. This time, Logan kissed Wade as hard as he could before opening his mouth and awkwardly shoving his tongue into Wade’s.

Wade gasped, caught off guard but massaged Logan's tongue with his own. Logan let out a low hum of contentment. It was obvious that Logan didn’t have much control over his tongue, which was indeed a muscle and affected by his disease. All the same, it dawned on Wade that he was making out with Logan and he felt his face crawl with warmth.

Wade’s hand slid down Logan’s back and around to his upper thigh. He leaned back again to read Logan’s face. The pause gave Logan an opportunity to ask for another big gulp of beer before they got right back into it. Logan was a surprisingly aggressive kisser, pressing hard against Wade’s lips and shoving his tongue around all corners of Wade’s mouth. Wade noticed that Logan shook a bit and his left hand was trembling on his armrest. He grabbed a hold of Logan’s twitching hand and moved it into his lap to hold it while they continued to cuddle. Wade wished he could crawl into Logan’s lap but he knew the man was already in pain.

Wade slid his hand up and down Logan’s thigh as he held him close, their heads resting on each other's shoulders. They sat that way until a staff member knocked on Logan’s door to bring in dinner. Wade quickly pulled away, leaving Logan’s head hanging forward.

“Ouch,” Logan said as Wade leaned his head back onto his headrest.

“Sorry!” Wade chuckled.

The staff member looked at the two questioningly but thankfully, didn’t verbalize anything they may have been wondering. Once the staff member had set down Logan’s tray, and left, Wade and Logan looked into each other’s eyes and couldn’t help but laugh. This was so surreal for both of them.

Wade held up the cup of beer for Logan who took another long drink. “Aquarium date it is, then,” he said, side-eyeing the younger man.

—---

Saturday morning came and Wade was beyond thrilled. He arrived at Shady Oaks at 8:30am and grabbed his nametag from the social work office before meeting Logan in his doorway. As soon as he saw him, Wade was beaming with happiness. He practically skipped down the hallway.

Sitting in his wheelchair, Logan wore jeans,boots, and a green flannel button down. His hair and mutton chops were neat and Wade thought he looked gorgeous. “Are you excited to get out here?” Wade asked as he leaned down to give Logan a hug. Wade could feel the smaller man tense a bit as they embraced,

“‘Least it’s dark. Less people lookin’ at me.” Logan grumbled “c’mon” he said, pushing his joystick with his fist to drive his chair down the hall towards the day room. Wade followed behind with a hand on one of Logan’s push handles. Logan typically hated it when people touched his chair. He considered an extension of his own body but he didn’t mind sharing that personal space with Wade.

The two entered the day room to join Erin, a couple of other staff members and the group of residents that would be going on the aquarium excursion. Some of the residents were ambulatory, using a variety of mobility aids. Two other patients in addition to Logan were in wheelchairs.

“Hey, Kev,” Logan greeted one of the other wheelchair users. “Wade, this is Kevin.” Kevin awkwardly reached out his hand at Wade and Wade grabbed it out of the air and shook it gently. Kevin seemed to have a similar disability to Logan’s but he had more movement in his arms and less of an ability to speak.

“How do you guys know each other?” Wade joked, causing Kevin to laugh.

Just then, Marie appeared. “Good mornin’ boys. Erin says it’s time to go.”

The group made their way out of the building and into a parking lot off to the side of the building. A small green and white bus with a wheelchair lift was waiting. Once all of the wheelchair users were on the bus and their wheels secured to the floor, the staff and volunteers took their seats. Wade sat across the aisle from Logan.

As they drove, Wade noticed Logan staring pensively out the window. Wade realized this is the first time Logan may have left the facility in quite a long time. Wade reached a hand across the aisle and let it lie on Logan’s armrest. Logan turned his head and smirked at Wade.

When they arrived at the aquarium, the bus driver helped the patients off and as a group, they made their way to the entrance. Wade noticed that the place was bustling, even outside. With children and families waiting to make their donations to enter.

Oblivious at first, Wade thought he was being watched. Why were all of these children looking at him? He even noticed that some parents would notice and pull their kids away or shush them. Then, he realized they were staring at Logan who was driving his wheelchair next to Wade. Wade glanced at Logan and the man stared straight ahead, scowling.

As they waited in line a tiny voice shouted, “Mommy look!” She was pointing at Logan and staring at him with a mix of fear and confusion on her face. Wade stuck his tongue out at her.

“Oh, honey, no.” An adult woman pulled the little girl away before turning to Logan ,“I am so sorry, sir,” She pleaded

Logan rolled his eyes and mumbled, “Should be” under his breath. Wade put a hand on Logan’s shoulder causing him to flinch.

“It ain’t rude to look at me or ask questions. Feels worse when they apologize for it.” Logan grumbled. Wade couldn’t imagine how that felt. He also noticed that people went out of their way to avoid eye contact with Logan and the other wheelchair users. As if, they were trying too hard not to stare. It gave Wade secondhand embarrassment.

Logan took a deep breath as he entered the building through the automatic door. They made their way into a large dimly lit room, with a staff desk, a gift shop and corridors in multiple directions leading to different areas of the building.

Wade and Logan followed slightly behind the rest of the group. Wade, still keeping one hand on Logan’s push handle. The group found their way to a massive enclosure, filled with many different fish, swimming through an artificial reef. Logan drove as close as he could get to the glass and peered in. For a moment, he imagined himself floating in the clear water, free of the weight of his disabled body.

The group walked through the dim hallways, lined with huge tanks filled with sealife. Logan couldn’t help but admit that it was captivating. After an hour or so, Erin told the group that they would be stopping at the aquariums cafe for a snack.

Under brighter lights of the building’s small cafe, Wade noticed that they were being stared at again. Logan and the other patients seemed to ignore it but it made Wade so uncomfortable and angry.

“S’okay,” Logan told Wade, giving him a sympathetic look as they stood in line at the snack counter. Wade noticed Logan’s left hand twitching on his armrest as he drove his wheelchair with the knuckles of his right fist. Logan could push lightly with his right hand but was unable to reach out with his arm, fully extend his fingers or grasp things properly even in his better hand. Wade put his hand over Logan’s shaking one and forced a smile.

“I didn’t know…” Wade started.

“It’s okay,” Logan repeated.

Most of the residents and staff had already received their food and were gathering around a table when Logan and Wade made their way to the front of the line. Wade ordered ice cream and Logan awkwardly mumbled “nothing. I’m good.” It was obvious by the worker’s blank stare in Logan’s direction that she had no idea what he said. “He doesn’t want anything.” Wade told her. Wade had forgotten that people had a hard time understanding Logan. He had spent so much time with him now, that he could make out what he was saying without any difficulty, most of the time .

Once at the table, Wade began eating bites of his ice cream. “You don’t want anything, sugah?” Marie asked from across the table as she shoved a pinch of cotton candy into Kevin’s mouth.

“Nah, ain’t hungry,” Logan grumbled.

“After all of these years, Lo’ you still don’t want folks watchin’ ya eat?” Marie asked.

Logan rolled his eyes without an answer. The group sat for a while, chatting and eating. After a few minutes, Wade realized that Logan’s hand was trembling so hard, it was making a knocking sound on the plastic of his armrest

“Be right back,” He backed up his chair and drove back to the snack counter.

“Hey!” Logan shouted trying to get the staff’s attention. Wade cringed watching the scene unfold. A teenage girl, working at the snack bar, turned to face Logan. She looked frightened of him.

“Hi. How. Are. You?” She spoke too slowly, as if Logan wouldn’t understand otherwise.

“Iced tea,” Logan strained to speak as loudly and clearly as he could.

“What?” The girl asked, not understanding Logan's speech despite his effort. The girl looked around, as if to find someone who could translate. Logan repeated himself and the girl asked again, “What? I’m sorry. I can’t -” Just then, Wade appeared behind Logan.

“Iced tea. He’s an adult by the way. You can treat him like one,” said Wade. Logan cringed and stared at his knees. Wade grabbed Logan’s iced tea and they made their way back to the group.

“I don’t need ya talkin’ for me,” Logan snapped at Wade as he held up the cup of iced tea to give Logan a drink.

“Okay, guess you don’t need my help then.” Wade put the cup down and slid it in front of Logan.

Logan leaned forward to take a drink and realized the straw was just out of his reach. He tried again, craning his neck forward as far as he could with a groan. Wade glanced at him but looked away, taking a bite of his ice cream. Frustrated, Logan tried driving his wheelchair closer to the table. He pushed his joystick but his hand slipped too far, sending his chair jolting forward. The food and drinks on the table were jostled a bit but Logan’s cup of iced tea, closest to the force, tipped over completely. Into his lap. Logan let out a low growl and a “Motherfucker!”

“Shit.” Wade stood up and ran back up the snack bar to grab handfuls of napkins. Marie had come around the table and was at Logan's side when Wade returned.

“Man, I’m sorry-” Wade tried but Logan cut him off with another growl of frustration. Wade began to realize that the rest of the cafe was staring or trying not to. He told himself that it was his fault that Logan was not in the embarrassing situation. If he had just held the cup for Logan, this wouldn’t have happened. Wade huffed and put his hands on his hips, tossing the napkins onto Logan’s lap. “Oh what, you guys have never seen someone spill something before?” He said loudly.

Logan hissed angrily at him, “Wade, shut it!”

Wade waved him off, picking up the ice tea cup and pouring the remaining drink down his shirt. “Ooh look, I spilled! Everybody stop and stare! Oh God, call the police!” He fake sobbed loudly, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and holding it out. “Oh the horror! God, I can’t bear to even look at it!” He was unable to keep up the fake shock in his voice, anger overriding his tone. He threw the plastic cup down at the ground and it made a loud noise as it bounced. The cafe went quiet as Wade crouched in front of Logan awkwardly trying to towel tea off of his jeans as Marie did the same with his shoes.

Thankfully, the nursing staff had brought along some extra clothing for the residents just in case something like this happened. “Wade?” Erin handed Wade a pair of blue sweatpants and pointed him and Logan towards the bathroom. Logan, drove past the crowd of onlookers with his figurative tail between his legs. Wade held his middle finger up to everyone they passed by, regardless of age. Marie caught Logan and Wade outside of the single toilet family bathroom. Wade held the door for Logan and Marie to enter.

“How do we?” Wade started, backing up into the corner of the bathroom.

“Lo’, can you lean your chair back all the way, sugah?” Marie asked, sliding Logan’s hand over the controls on his armrest. It took minimal force to push the button that tilted Logan’s chair into a reclined position. Wade stood awkwardly in the corner. He still felt that this was his fault and didn’t dare touch Logan without his explicit permission.

Logan turned his head to face away from his friends as Marie unbuckled his lap belt and began unfastening his jeans. She tried to work fast as Logan couldn’t be in a reclined position for too long without struggling to breathe.

“Wade?” Marie glanced at the man standing in the corner. Wade stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder “Can I?” Wade asked

“Yeah, hurry.” Logan gruffed and Wade made his way around to help Marie pull off Logan's jeans. How many times had Wade pulled pants off of Logan? A few and none of them were erotic circumstances.

It took some awkward maneuvering and some grunting from the oldest, but soon, Logan was lying back with bare legs. Wade wet some paper towels and wiped the sticky substance off of Logan’s thighs, working as fast as he could. Logan’s weak muscles were tense and he was still avoiding his friend’s faces. Together, Marie and Wade pulled the sweatpants onto Logan. Once he was dressed, Logan held down the controls to raise the back of his chair again. Upright, he took a shaky breath in.

“I’m sorry,” Logan whispered to Wade as the younger man rinsed his hands in the sink.

“Nah, I’m sorry, ‘Lo.” Wade said gently, turning to Logan.

“What about your shirt?” Logan asked. Wade laughed and shrugged.

“It’ll dry. Most of the drink ended up on your pants, anyway.”

“Good, boys?” Marie asked as she opened the door to exit the bathroom. Logan and Wade nodded and Marie excused herself. Once Marie was out of sight, Wade bent down and wrapped his arms around Logan. Logan rested his chin on Wade’s shoulder for a moment.

“I love you,” Logan whispered into Wade’s ear before he pulled away.

“I love you too,” Wade whispered back before playfully licking his ear.

“Wade!” Logan snapped his head back, glaring at his boyfriend, then smiling.

====

The two met the rest of the group in the aquarium's interactive center. There were specific areas where guests could touch things like sand, corral and some of the animals. Logan paused by the stingray tank and looked in.

“Hand sanitizer is there, if you want to touch them,” An aquarium staff member told Logan, gesturing towards a soap pump on the wall.

“Thanks.” Logan mumbled, pushing his joystick forward to continue on.

“Wait,” Wade said, putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder. Logan paused and watched as Wade squeezed sanitizer into his hand. “Here.” Wade said. He leaned down and took Logan’s left hand first, rubbing sanitizer into his skin. Logan frowned and squinted. Wade could tell he was not pleased with the texture of the sanitizer. Wade did the same thing with Logan’s right hand before grabbing a paper towel from a dispenser on the wall. Wade used the paper towel to quickly wipe down Logan’s joystick, before replacing his hand on it.

Logan drove towards the ray tank, with Wade at his side. Across the water, Marie was dipping Kevin’s hand in the water above a large grey speckled stingray.

Kevin noticed Logan and shouted across to him. Logan smirked and nodded at Kevin as Wade picked up his arm by the wrist to place his hand into the water. Wade held Logan’s hand there as they both watched the rays swimming up and down the glass. Logan’s hand twitched as a ray’s fins grazed his fingertips, “Tickles,” he mumbled to a smiling Wade. When another ray swam up and paused, Wade carefully lifted Logan’s arm by the wrist and slid his fingers across the slick back of the animal. The sensation made Logan shiver.

“This is what my penis feels like,” he whispered in Logan’s ear who growled at him. Wade giggled at the man’s reaction. He started talking out loud, “Nah, actually my penis isn’t this smooth. It’s more bumpy and gross. You’re actually lucky that you can’t really move your arms so you don’t have to touch it ever. That’s how it feels, right? Smooth and silky? Definitely not what my junk feels like then.” Wade enjoyed the way blush spread across Logan’s face and how he ignored Wade purposefully.

Wade lifted Logan’s hand out of the tank and dried it off with a paper towel before placing it over his joystick again. The group continued on to a tactile exhibit, displaying different textures of sand from beaches around the world,

“Want to?” Wade glanced at Logan who simply nodded. Again, Wade lifted Logan’s hand into the different containers of sand, raking his fingers through it. Logan would occasionally glance up at Wade but he couldn’t help but be engrossed in the experience. Logan didn’t get to touch a wide variety of textures in his normal life.

—-

Once the group had finished in the hands-on area, they briefly stopped at the gift shop near the exit before making their way outside to be picked up and driven back to Shady Oaks. Wade sat across from where Logan’s wheelchair was secured to the floor of the van. He faced the window with a drawn expression. Wade imagined that this little taste of the real world was saddening to Logan. He was an intelligent adult who used to have a mostly normal life. Wade couldn’t imagine how it must feel for Logan to be taken back to the nursing facility where he lived.

“You okay?” Wade reached across the isle and placed a hand on Logan’s forearm

Logan replied with a hum. As he usually did when he couldn’t be bothered to speak or didn’t have the energy to. Wade took his hand off of Logan’s arm to unzip his backpack. He pulled something out of it and placed it into Logan’s lap without a word. Logan looked down at the object and grinned. It was a stuffed stingray. Wade reached across to grab Logan’s wrist and move his hand onto the fabric.

“Isn’t it so soft? I got it for you! You can cuddle with it and pretend it’s me.” Wade winked.

“Thanks, Wade.” Logan whispered, turning to Wade with a little less sadness in his eyes.

————————————————————-

Wade made his way to the cheesily decorated dayroom of Shady Oak’s. He found Logan in a corner chatting with Kevin and Marie. After an hour or so of conversation over top 40 hits, Wade leaned into Logan’s ear, “Will you dance with me?” Logan sighed immediately and backed his chair up slightly to look Wade in the eyes.

“I ain’t really the dancin’ type, Wade,” Logan admitted.

“Pleeease,” Wade begged pathetically.

“Fine, one song.” Logan agreed .

“Yes!” Wade exclaimed, jumping up to lead Logan to the makeshift dance floor.

Wade angled his chair to face Wade, unsure what to do. Wade grabbed Logan’s free hand and danced happily around Logan’s chair. He even knelt down to twirl himself around Logan’s arm. Logan stared straight ahead, grinning at Wade’s antics. He dare not look around and see the reactions of the staff and other residents.

When the song ended, Wade led Logan to the edge of the dance floor, leaned down and kissed him on the lips. Logan blushed and drove back to their corner as fast as his chair would go.

“Hey, why don’t we go back to my room for a bit. Ain’t feelin’ the best.” Logan told Wade.

The two excused themselves and made their way to Logan’s room.

“You aren’t feeling good, peanut? What’s wrong?” Wade asked as they entered Logan’s room.

“Eh, I'm fine. Just had enough.” Logan said

Wade took a seat on the recliner.

“Ugh,” Wade groaned, unsticking his leg from the plastic covering over the chair.

“It can’t be that bad. ‘Least you can get up.” Logan grumbled

“Struggles are relative,” Wade replied lightly, causing Logan to laugh. “You wouldn’t understand.” Wade feigned a sob.

“You’re right, bub. I ain’t sat on that chair.” Logan admitted.

“Ya wanna trade?” Wade asked, looking Logan up and down.

“Hell no.” Logan snapped before smirking at Wade,

“C’’mon, I need to learn a manual transfer anyway. Why don’t you show me, princess?” Wade leaned forward, to place a hand on Logan’s armrest.

“All right, bub, stand up.” Logan instructed as he drove his chair forward slightly. Wade, smiling, did as he was told.

“Lap belt, unbuckle it.” Logan instructed. Wade leaned down to unbuckle Logan’s seatbelt, before standing up again and awaiting further instructions.

“Now, crouch down in front of me. Make sure you’re steady. Use your legs to support yourself.” Logan encouraged

“No you.” Wade laughed but Logan ignored him and got to explaining how to move his footrest out of the way.

With the footplate out of the way, Wade had leverage to more easily lift his boyfriend. Wade, crouched in front of Logan waiting for the next instruction, took the opportunity to nuzzle his nose against the shorter man’s. Logan scrunched up his face with a sigh.

“Okay, slide your arms behind my back.” Logan directed and Wade slid his arms behind Logan’s shoulder blades. “Lower, just above my hips.” Logan told him.

“Oh,” Wade mumbled as he slid his hands down Logan’s back causing the older man to shiver beneath his touch.

“Swing my arms over your shoulders.” Logan instructed. Wade suddenly pulled his arms from behind Logan’s back causing the seated man to fall forward.

“Wade!” Logan scolded as Wade held Logan upright against himself. “You gotta keep one arm behind my back.” Logan said with a deep sigh.

“Shit, sorry.” Wade apologized, pushing Logan’s backwards slightly before replacing one hand on his lower back and the other hand on Logan’s wrist. Wade finally pulled Logan’s left arm over his shoulder. With a lot of Logan’s weight resting on himself, Wade pulled the man’s right arm over his other shoulder as well. Logan rested his head against the side of Wade’s, waiting for the next step of the transfer.

“Aww, what a nice hug,” Wade cooed. He could feel Logan’s breath on his neck as he sighed heavily again.

“Yeah, now, before you do anything, make sure your feet are solid on the floor and lift with your knees, not your back. Be careful turnin’ around.” Logan gruffed.

“On three!” Wade exclaimed. “One, two, ready?” Logan offered a grunt of permission “-“Three!” Wade announced before dramatically heaving as he lifted Logan out of his wheelchair. Wade did a half-turn, holding Logan against himself in a standing position and slowly lowered him into the blue recliner.

Wade adjusted Logan into what seemed to be a comfortable position but the older man’s face was twisted in disgust, “Bad, right?” Wade exclaimed, as he turned around to grab one of Logan’s bed pillows. Wade pulled Logan forward to place a pillow behind his neck, before squeezing in next to him on the chair. Wade moved one of Logan’s arms into his lap to give himself more sitting room.

“We’re in this together now,” Wade dramatically stated with his fingers woven through Logan’s.

The two were suddenly startled by Logan’s door creaking open. It was Erin. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of the two crammed into the recliner together.

“What are you two doing?” she giggled.

“Logan didn’t believe that the chair was uncomfortable so I had to prove it to him,” Wade explained.

“Uh yeah, that,” Logan agreed, slightly embarrassed.

“Well, Logan, your care team has concluded that you're eligible for an overnight stay out of the facility," Erin told them.

“A what?” Wade asked.

“You know I don’t have anyone who can –” Logan started but Erin cut him off with a sharp glance in Wade’s direction. Wade suddenly jumped out of the chair causing Logan’s body to slide to the side. “You’re coming home with me, peanut! Merry Christmas to us!” Wade exclaimed, adjusting Logan properly in the recliner.

“Is your place even accessible?” Logan asked.

Wade thought for a second before answering. There was one step going up to his apartment door. “Shitballs,” Wade swore.

“If it’s one or two steps, Wade, we have a portable ramp you can use.” Erin offered

“Sounds great! Yes, my logie bear!” Wade leaned down and took both of Logan’s hands in his. Lost in his excitement, he leaned in to kiss Logan on the cheek. Luckily, Erin simply smiled.

Once the excitement wore off and Wade was home alone again, he thought back to performing the cough assist maneuver on Logan. The older man’s breathing difficulties truly scared Wade. What if something happened and there was no medical staff around? Wade started to feel in over his head but he wouldn’t consider giving up the privilege of having Logan over.

Two days later, Wade watched as Logan drove his chair down the ramp and out of a van with ‘Shady Oaks’ printed on the doors. Wade, overjoyed, sprinted up to his boyfriend and crouched down to fully wrap him in his arms, “Gotta grab my shit,” Logan whispered into Wade’s chest after a few moments.

Wade pulled away and grabbed one small suitcase full of clothing and another full of medical supplies. Wade was also given an oxygen concentrator and a printout of Logan’s medication schedule.

Carrying all of this inside with the help of an aide, Wade felt a bit overwhelmed but he tried his best to hide it. The aide that had transported Logan, showed Wade how to set up and break down the portable ramp before leaving.

“Home sweet home.” Wade sang as he led Logan into the entryway of his apartment.

“Do you want a tour?” Wade asked excitedly.

“Knock yourself out, bub.” Logan smirked.

Wade led Logan around his small apartment. Luckily Logan was able to fit his chair down the halls and through all of the doorways,

Once Wade was satisfied with his apartment tour, the two settled in the living room.

“Oh! I need to let Mary out. I put her in the laundry room so she wouldn't be under foot…or wheels.”

Wade sprinted to the laundry room and quickly returned with a wiggly little dog in his arms. Logan could not help but smile at the sight of Wade’s pet. A mostly hairless french bulldog mix with her tongue hanging all the way out

“Mary, this is Logan,” Wade cooed, as he slowly lowered the dog into Logan’s lap. Wade, keeping one hand on Mary, lifted Logan’s hand to lie it onto Mary’s back. "Isn't she precious?” Wade whined, raking Logan’s finger tips over the skin on the dog’s back.

“Of course you have a freaky dog,” Logan chuckled. Once Mary made herself comfortable on Logan’s lap, Wade stepped back and sat on the edge of his couch across from his partner.

“Hey c’mon! She’s not freaky!” Wade leaned forward, holding Mary up for her to lick Logan’s face. “She’s adorable!” Logan laughed and growled at the same time, and Wade let Mary back down into his lap. “Anything special you want to do with your freedom?” Wade asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Logan.

“Beer,” Logan deadpanned

Wade glanced at his phone screen before confirming, “It’s 2pm, you alcoholic.” He let out a little huff and suggested, “We could go for a walk down the corner store and get some.”

Logan chuckled watching Wade attempt to harness his canine companion.

The two and Mary made their way, side by side down the sidewalk. Wade noticed Logan intently studying his surroundings. Wade also observed that the man had the same look in his blue eyes that he did on the bus on the way back from the aquarium. These tastes of freedom were painful to Logan. Wade reached down and laid a hand on Logan’s left one as they stopped at a crosswalk.

As Logan led Wade across the crosswalk, a man ducked his head out of the driver’s side window of a pick up truck stopped at the red light.

“Why don’t you jump on the back of that thing?” the man laughed before rolling up his window.

“Oh yeah, why don’t you suck my thing?” Wade jeered back, even though the man couldn’t hear it. On the other side of the street, Wade noticed a deeply annoyed expression on his partner’s face.

“You good, peanut?” Wade asked gently

“I hate when they call my chair ‘that thing.’ It’s an extension of my body.” Logan growled.

“Ah, I’m sorry sweetcheeks. Guys like that aren’t worth the time of day, you know? They’re the kind of guys who go like, ‘Nice tits bitch!’ to some babe on the street. Fucked up, right? The appropriate thing to say is, ‘Excellent bosom, m’lady.’” Wade was relieved to see Logan crack a smile at that. “Let’s get your beer.” Wade set his hand on Logan’s shoulder as they approached the entrance of the corner store. Once inside, they made their way to the back where the cooler was. “Heineken?” Wade asked, remembering the brand of beer that Marie had brought Logan.

“Yup.” Logan confirmed before looking around. There were a few sketchy folks hanging around and he remembered seeing that the window to the cashier counter was very high, “Can you just pay for it? Wallets in my backpack.” Logan mumbled.

Wade grabbed Logan’s wallet from the backpack hanging on the back of his chair and the two made their way to the checkout counter. As they stood in line, an older man got Wade’s attention “Wade! Hey, neighbor.” The man glanced down at Logan who opened his mouth for a quick ‘hi’ but the only thing that escaped his lips was drool. Drooling was an unfortunate side effect of Logan’s disease. One he was mortified by, even after all of these years. Seeing the man cringe at Logan, Wade turned to his boyfriend and noticed.

“Are you uh taking care of him?” the man asked awkwardly as Wade used the back of his hand to wipe saliva off of Logan’s chin.

“Nah, I’m his boyfriend,” Wade licked Logan’s saliva off the back of his hand with a smirk. “You jealous? Sorry, he’s mine!” Wade quickly leaned down and kissed Logan on the lips with a loud ‘mwah!’

“Okay, uh, seeya around,” the man nearly sprinted out of the shop with Wade sniggering to himself.

Back at Wade’s place, Wade opened a beer for Logan, placed it into the cup holder on his armrest and stuck a straw in it before putting the rest of the case in the fridge. The two, then, settled in in the living room. Wade sat on the couch and Logan in his chair as Wade rambled and flipped through channels.

Wade ordered takeout and opened a bottle of beer for himself. Back on the couch, he chose the first Deadpool movie for them to watch. Throughout the first twenty or so minutes of the movie (which Wade talked through) Wade noticed that Logan seemed uncomfortable. He was fidgeting with the fingers of his ‘good’ hand and there were lines of strain around his features.

“Are you okay?” Wade asked

“Uh, yeah, can ya -” Logan paused to sigh

Wade slid to the end of the couch, to more easily reach his boyfriend, who was parked in his chair next to it. “What is it babe?” Wade asked gently, laying a hand on Logan’s. “You want a handie? I’m real good at ‘em, that’s what all my buddies told me.” He made a jerking motion with his free hand.

“Scratch my leg, will ya?” Logan murmured. Wade laughed before jumping to his feet to stand in front of his boyfriend.

”I’ve bathed you and helped you in the bathroom and you’re really afraid to ask me to scratch your damn leg?” asked Wade.

“Just…Wade.” Logan squinted, his face was twisted with discomfort.

“Where?” Wade asked eagerly, with a hand on Logan’s thigh.

“Lower,” Logan grumbled.

“Wade slid his fingertips down Logan’s jeans clad leg causing him to inhale sharply, “You’re makin’ it worse.” Logan growled

“I’m trying, almost there?” Wade asked, moving his hand to Logan’s knee.

“Little lower…there,” Logan said as Wade’s fingers hit the spot just below his knee. Wade, scrunched up his face as he scratched hard causing Logan to sigh deeply.

“Good, good, thanks, Wade,” Logan laughed.

Wade sat down on the couch again. As they resumed watching the film, he thought about how it must feel for Logan to not be able to even scratch himself. It made Wade’s heart ache that despite everything the two had been through, Logan was hesitant to ask Wade to scratch his leg of all things?

He put it out of his mind though, and before they knew it the takeout had arrived. Wade grabbed more beer for both of them before sitting on the edge of the couch so he could reach the food and Logan, who had pulled his wheelchair within feeding distance of his boyfriend.

As they ate and watched the movie, Logan relaxed. He listened to Wade’s ramblings with fondness in his eyes. Logan spoke less when he was tired and attuned to that, Wade was patient and didn’t push for more verbal communication than Logan had the energy for.

Once they had finished eating, Wade approached Logan without a word and leaned down to scoop him up bridal style.

“Wade,” Logan growled.

“Hush,” Wade whispered as he slowly lowered Logan onto the sofa.

“I know you think yer cute and shit but you’re gonna hurt your back doin’ that,” Logan scolded. He was always adamant about safe and practical transfers but Wade just couldn't help himself sometimes. Wade slid his body behind Logan’s and pulled the smaller man onto his lap before wrapping his arms around him. Logan grunted with the adjustments of his body but he quickly leaned into his partner’s warmth.

As the end credits rolled, Wade noticed Logan had fallen asleep. Careful not to wake him, Wade slowly slid out from under Logan and stood up. He stretched deeply as he smiled down at his sleeping partner.

Wade maneuvered the unconscious Logan into a sitting position before transferring him into his chair. Once in his wheelchair, Logan woke up a bit and looked around. His expression revealed that it took him a moment to realize he was at Wade’s apartment. He was tired but also a bit buzzed on the couple of beers he had. He wasn’t used to alcohol anymore, as it had been a very rare treat over the past few years.

Wade pushed Logan’s joystick, driving his wheelchair towards the bedroom until they hit the hallway where there wasn't room for them to walk side by side.

“Babe,” Wade moved Logan’s hand over his joystick. The combination of tiredness and drunkenness made Logan fumble awkwardly for his controls “Lo’ you need to drive a few feet, peanut. I can’t- “ Wade pleaded in a sharp whisper.

Logan tried again and succeeded at pushing his joystick forward and driving at a snail's pace down the hallway and into the bedroom. Once in the bedroom, Wade took hold of the wheelchair’s controls again and drove Logan towards the bed.

Wade transferred Logan onto the bed before finding sweatpants and a t-shirt in one of his suitcases. Logan fell asleep again as Wade changed his clothes. Wade gently washed Logan’s face with a damp cloth before tucking him in bed. He would brush his teeth in the morning. Wade, then, got changed and washed up himself before crawling in bed next to Logan. Lying in bed next to Logan was incredibly surreal for Wade. He wondered for a few minutes if he’d actually be able to sleep.

Wade thought back to his first day at Shady Oaks as he watched Logan sleep peacefully. When he first saw Logan in bed at the nursing facility, he never would have imagined himself sleeping next to him like this. Wade fell asleep on his side, facing Logan.

Wade drifted in and out of consciousness. Half asleep, he began to notice a strange sound. It was close to him too. It was a breathy whine type noise. Without opening his eyes, he felt up and down the bed next to him, thinking he would wake a snoring Mary Puppins. When he reached Mary’s mostly hairless body with his hand and the sound didn’t stop, he finally opened his eyes and started to sit up. Then, he remembered. Logan was sleeping next to him.

Wade frantically reached for the lamp switch on his bedside table. Once there was light in the room, Wade could see that Logan was on his back, shaking hard and gasping.. “Fuck!!” Wade shouted as he jumped up and sprinted around to Logan’s side of the bed for better leverage to pull him into a sitting position.

Logan’s disease gave him about 25% lung capacity and Wade knew the man was not meant to lie on his back for long periods of time.

Wade suddenly remembered Erin stressing the importance of rolling Logan throughout the night due to the threat of respiratory issues and pressure sores. He couldn’t feel guiltier. Caught up in the excitement of simply lying next to Logan, Wade forgot to set alarms to check on and move him during the night. Wade did make sure that Logan was lying on his side when he originally put him in bed but the older man must have slid onto his back sometime during the night.

Once in a sitting position, leaned up against Wade’s body, Logan took in some ragged breaths, “I am so sorry. I am so so fucking sorry.” Wade realized hot tears were streaming down his face. In Wade’s arms, Logan continued to gasp and wheeze

“Do you need to cough?” Wade asked frantically.

“N-No…oxygen.” Logan finally croaked and Wade remembered the aide handing over Logan’s oxygen concentrator the day before. The equipment was still in the front hallway.

“Hold on.” Wade pleaded as he pulled a pillow behind Logan’s back and propped him up on it. He made sure Logan’s head was upright before sprinting out of the bedroom. He quickly returned with the oxygen concentrator and plugged it in before adjusting the cannula onto Logan’s face and looping the tubing over his ears.

With the help of the supplemental oxygen, Logan slowly began taking in bigger breaths, wheezing and trembling less. Wade sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed up and down Logan’s arm, apologizing profusely. Once Logan could get enough breath behind his words he rasped, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Wade sighed before adding “I know you can’t sleep on your back and I let it happen. You’re right. I’m not cut out for this. I’ll end up killing you. God, I’m such a moron. Such a fuck up,” Wade said, sad and angry at himself.

Logan raised his head a bit and met Wade’s glassy eyes before repeating, “It’s okay.” This time, Wade didn’t argue.

“Be right back, babe,” Wade said before making his way into the bathroom. He quickly returned with a washcloth damp with warm water. Wade leaned down and carefully, adjusted the oxygen tubing on Logan’s face so he could wipe thick saliva off of his mouth, facial hair and chin. He glanced at the clock as he worked. It was 3am. Once Logan’s face was clean and dry, Wade helped him take a sip of water. Then, he changed Logan’s shirt and rolled him onto his side so they could get back to sleep.

The two laid facing each other. “I love you. I’m – “ Wade started but Logan cut him off,

“Shhh I love you too.” Wade leaned over to kiss Logan on the lips before lying down again. As Wade tried to get back to sleep, he felt a light stroking sensation on his forearm. He opened his eyes to see Logan rubbing his forefinger, in little movements, over Wade’s skin.

As small as the strokes were and as faint as the sensation was, it raised goosebumps on Wade’s flesh. Wade stopped himself from reaching over to take Logan’s hand. “Tickles,” he whispered into the dark. Logan just hummed and continued rubbing. Wade quickly fell asleep to the soft whooshing sound of Logan’s oxygen concentrator.

Wade woke up at the first light that cracked through his blinds. He was still on his side, facing Logan who was still sleeping soundly. Wade smiled at the sight of Mary lying comfortably over Logan’s legs. Careful not to disturb his boyfriend or dog, Wade slipped from the bed as smoothly as he could and made his way into the kitchen to make coffee. He put down kibble for Mary and sat on the couch playing on his phone for a while.

Around 8:30am he heard a light groan come from the bedroom and quickly raced down the hall. Wade sat on the edge of the bed, with Logan still on his side, facing away from him “Hey, peanut..” he whispered, earning another groan from Logan.

Wade laid a hand on Logan’s shoulder.He thought about reminding him that he would be picked up around noon today to return to Shady Oaks but he bit his tongue. Then, Wade got an idea, “Okay honey bunches, I’ll let you sleep,” he said before leaving the bedroom again and heading into the kitchen.

Wade got to work making scrambled eggs and oatmeal for both of them. He even sliced strawberries and used them to decoratively plate the food. He poured two cups of coffee and put all of the food on an over bed tray. This time, when Wade entered the bedroom, Logan’s eyes were open. He looked uncomfortable but grinned at the sight of Wade and the breakfast he prepared.

“Breakfast in bed for my queen,” Wade sang, as he put the tray down on the dresser for a moment to pull Logan into a sitting position. Wade was shocked by the whine that escaped Logan when he maneuvered his body

“Oh no babe. Pain? Do you need meds?” Wade asked gently.
“I’ll eat first,” Logan rasped, not wanting the breakfast Wade made to go cold.

As Wade placed the tray of food over Logan’s lap, he noticed the oxygen cannula still on Logan’s face.

“You good?” Wade asked, grabbing the oxygen tubing between two fingers. “Breathing okay?” Wade asked. Logan nodded but he looked rough. He was sweaty, and his eyes looked tired.

Wade unplugged the oxygen concentrator before sliding the tubing over Logan’s head to put it aside. Then, Wade eased himself into bed next to his boyfriend before switching on the TV on the wall across from them.

Wade chose a trashy reality show and rambled on about it as he fed himself and Logan.

“Strawberries…good.” Logan mumbled. He seemed a bit dazed and sad.

“I grew them myself!” Wade lied, earning a side-eye from Logan. “Nah, Trader Joe’s,” Wade admitted.

Logan forced a chuckle before whispering, “Thanks.”

“Anything for you.” Wade cooed, “Really,” he added, as he held a spoonful of oatmeal in front of Logan’s face. “I mean it honey badger. I’d do anything for you. Want me to kill a man? Shave my balls? Shave your balls? Shave some random guy’s balls? Jump off a building? Make sweet love down by the fire to-”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Logan interrupted him gruffly, but couldn’t hide the small smile gracing his features.

“You wanna shower before you go ho — “ Wade cut himself off and lowered the spoon full of oatmeal with a sigh. Logan groaned and avoided meeting Wade’s eyes. “Sorry,” Wade whispered, grabbing Logan’s hand. Wade could feel Logan’s fingers twitch beneath his.

“Stop apologizing.” Logan gruffed. “But you’re right, I ain't really got a home.” Logan said and Wade was taken aback when he heard a sob escape his partner. Logan’s chin fell to his chest, as tears began to roll off of his cheeks.

“Oh, baby,” Wade said, clicking his tongue as he moved the tray of food aside to wrap his arms around Logan. Wade pulled his boyfriend close, letting Logan’s head rest on his chest, “You’ll always have a home with me,” Wade comforted, stroking Logan’s back.

“Wade,” Logan gasped in a quick breath, raising his head slightly. “I don’t want to go back.” He whined, finally meeting Wade’s eyes.

“I know, peanut,” Wade cooed. “I told you, you can live with me.I’ll take care of you.” Wade told him.

“But — “ Logan started but Wade cut him off,
“We’ll figure it out. I promise. I’m gonna get you out of there somehow. I promise. Even if it’s not with me, I’ll get you to someplace better. Okay?” Wade held Logan for a while as he slowly gained his composure again. Once Logan had stopped shaking and crying Wade asked, “You wanna shower?” causing Logan to laugh, shaking both of them, their bodies still intertwined.

“Okay,” Logan agreed

Wade changed into swimming trunks before throwing a towel over Logan’s wheelchair. Then, he carefully lifted Logan into his chair. Wade could tell by Logan’s expressions while maneuvering him that he was uncomfortable. Likely sore from the events of the night before.

Logan led them into the master bathroom and parked his chair just inside the door. Luckily, Wade’s bathroom was decently spacious. The only challenge would be that he had a bathtub/shower, which was not accessible for Logan. Wade would have to lift him over the side of the tub.

Wade stood, staring at the bathtub, trying to come up with a plan. Then, he remembered he had a shower chair left from his former elderly roommate. He quickly fetched it from the hall closet and set it up before turning to Logan, who looked nervous.

“If you drop me, I swear to God,” Logan said sternly as Wade leaned over him to undo his lap belt.

Wade slid his arms behind Logan to pull him to the edge of his wheelchair seat before pausing to take a breath. Wade glanced at the space between Logan’s wheelchair and the shower seat. “Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.

Wade pulled Logan’s joystick to drive his chair as close as possible to the tub. Then, he picked Logan up bridal style before stepping into the tub. He held Logan in his arms for a moment before very carefully maneuvering him into the shower chair. If Logan moved in with Wade, he would need a safer and more suitable shower chair. Wade realized he would have to be very careful to not let Logan fall forward or to the side.

“Good?” Wade checked, leaning back with one hand holding Logan upright, to look him up and down.

“Yeah,” Logan replied, letting out a shaky breath he had been holding.

Wade leaned down again to place Logan’s hands in his lap and push him all the way back against the chair. Making sure he would not fall as Wade turned around to turn on the shower faucet and grab all of the supplies he would need.

Wade, standing on the slick surface of the tub in sandals, turned back to Logan with shampoo in hand. He lathered Logan’s hair in shampoo, rinsed it out and then applied soap to a washcloth.

Wade rambled as he worked, “I’ve always wondered how no-tear shampoo works. Like if I squirted it into my eye, it wouldn’t hurt? Why not? What’s special about it? I mean, it’s still soap, so shouldn’t it still hurt if I get it in my eyes? And why do they only have it for babies? Maybe I want to pour soap into my eye and have it not hurt! Does Big Pharma ever think of that, huh? No. I have to buy baby shampoo like a loser if I wanna open my eyes while shampooing. I get scared there’s a ghost sometimes! He tries to peep on me while I shower.” Logan wasn’t particularly focused on the details but for now, Wade’s talking was a decent distraction from thinking about his inevitable return to Shady Oaks.

The shower went smoothly enough, until Wade bent Logan’s left knee, to wash the bottom of his foot. Logan let out a whine of discomfort causing Wade to flinch and nearly drop the washcloth.

“Easy…” Logan growled through his teeth.

“I’m so sorry, peanut,” Wade apologized, placing a hand on the side of Logan’s face.

“‘S’okay,” Logan grumbled

Wade now remembered Logan telling him that his left side was weaker and often stiff and sore. He felt guilt for forgetting. He was careful while manipulating Logan’s left arm to wash underneath it but still earned a hiss from his boyfriend. Once Wade had thoroughly rinsed the soap off of Logan’s body, he turned off the water and stepped out of the tub. He toweled Logan off, so he was dry as possible for transferring back into his chair. Logan could tell that Wade was nervous about moving him, which made him anxious as well.

“Ready, sweetheart?” Wade asked

“Uh-huh,” Logan replied

Though a sitting transfer would be safer in most cases, Wade would have to lift Logan’s legs over the edge of the tub somehow so he went with a ‘bridal carry’ again.

Wade lifted Logan and again, held him in the air for a few moments, making sure he had his footing to step over. Wade smiled down at Logan, as he held him in his arms.

“I looooooove you!” Wade whispered before rubbing his nose against Logan’s

“I love you too. Put me down, please,” Logan sighed.

Wade carefully stepped over the edge of the tub and made sure he had his footing again before slowly lowering Logan into his wheelchair. Wade dried off Logan and wrapped him in a towel before continuing on to the next step of his grooming. Wade genuinely enjoyed fussing over Logan.

Wade left the bathroom for a moment and quickly returned with Logan’s toothbrush that he had fetched from a pouch of toiletries that he found in Logan’s luggage. Logan grumbled and frowned at the sight of the toothbrush and Wade suddenly remembered the time he walked in on an aide trying to brush Logan’s teeth. Wade’s chest tightened as he vividly recalled the aide suctioning blood from Logan’s mouth.

Wade applied toothpaste to the brush and wet it under the sink faucet before holding it awkwardly in front of Logan’s face. “Open up, baby girl.” Wade encouraged. Logan stared at his knees, avoiding Wade’s eyes. Wade kneeled in front of Logan with one hand on his knee. He wanted to ask Logan why he hated teeth brushing so much but decided against it. The man was already stressed as it was.

Wade moved his hand from Logan’s knee to the side of his face. Logan lifted his head but still avoided eye contact with his partner. “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. Lemme see them pearly whites.” Wade said as gently as he could. Logan blushed. He felt so stupid and childish. Reluctantly, he opened his mouth and allowed Wade to brush his teeth. Wade did the job as gently and quickly as possible. He helped Logan sip water to rinse and dried his chin before giving him a delicate peck on the lips.

Wade found a tin of pomade in Logan’s toiletry pouch. He opened it, scooped some out with two fingers and rubbed his fingertips together. Crouching in front of Logan, he ran his fingers down the sides of Logan’s head, to slick back his hair in the unusual style that he preferred.

The two made their way back into Wade’s bedroom where Wade transferred Logan onto the bed to get him dressed. Logan took a deep breath as Wade slowly lowered him onto the mattress..

“Argh!” Wade let out an exaggerated groan of effort as he pulled jeans to Logan’s waist. Wade noticed that Logan was still facing away from him and avoiding his eyes. “You okay, honey bunches?” Wade cooed, laying a hand on Logan’s bare stomach.

Logan sighed again before mumbling, “Yeah.”

Once Logan was dressed and in his wheelchair, the two made their way outside with Mary. They took her for a little walk and before they knew it, the white van with Shady Oaks printed on the side was in Wade’s driveway again. Logan watched silently as Wade and an aide gathered his things to take back to the nursing facility.

“I’ll see you soon, baby,” Wade said, leaning down to embrace Logan. He wrapped Logan’s arms around his waist and held them there for a moment before kissing Logan on the lips. Neither of them cared that the aid was waiting.

“I love you,” Logan whispered.

Wade watched his boyfriend drive up the ramp and disappear into the vehicle. The aide closed the van door and got into the driver’s side. Logan glanced at Wade through the Window and couldn’t help but smile. Wade was waving goofily and blowing kisses at him.

—-

Three months later and several overnights with Wade later, Logan sat in his doorway waiting for Wade to meet him for lunch. Logan chuckled as Wade skipped his way down the hallway.

“There’s my babygirl.” Wade said, leaning down to kiss Logan on the forehead.

“What’d you bring me?” Logan asked, spying takeout containers in a bag Wade was holding.

“Indian.” Wade confirmed as he attached Logan’s tray to the front of his wheelchair.

The two sat and ate together like they had done so many times before. Wade fed himself and Logan in front of the TV in Logan’s room.

“You ever notice how in TV shows and movies, they’ll be in the apocalypse or something and still have perfect hair and teeth and the chicks will be wearing eyeliner? It’s like, so stupid. Terminator 2 is the only good movie where she actually looks like she’s fighting for her life.” Wade rambled, waving his fork in the air and gesturing with it as he spoke. “Like bitch! Put down the eyeshadow! Ain’t nobody got time for that! It’s the end of the world! You’re really saving space in your bag for makeup?”

Wade paused with a forkful of rice in midair, hearing the door to Logan’s room creak open. The two turned to the noise to see Erin smiling in the doorway.

“Good afternoon, Logan and Wade, mind if I sit for a moment?” Erin asked.

Wade and Logan nodded as Erin took a seat on the edge of Logan’s bed.

“I have very good news for you Logan.” Erin smiled.

“Ooh, what is it?” Wade jumped from his seat and glanced at Logan who was stone faced.

“Well, Logan, your care team is very happy with your progress. We would be willing to discharge you into Wade’s care.” Erin continued

Wade wrapped his arms around Logan’s neck, leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. When he stood up again, he realized there were tears in his eyes.

Erin continued, “But Wade would need to make sure his house is fully safe and accessible before your discharge.” Erin glanced at Wade, “Social services should be able to help you make the necessary renovations.”

“Oh my God, I’m so happy! I’m like a little girl on Christmas!” Wade squealed in delight and spun around with his arms open. “I get to take you home! My home! Our home! I can’t believe it! We have to buy you so many things, like your own pillows and blankets and-and-and decorations! And…” He trailed off after glancing at Logan, who was still expressionless, just stared at Erin and Wade.

“I’ll give you guys some time to talk it through,” Erin said before excusing herself.

“You okay?” Wade asked Logan, who still hadn’t reacted to the news.

Suddenly, Logan’s head fell forward and tears began to stream down his face.

“Oh, pumpkin.” Wade took the tray off the front of Logan’s wheelchair and crouched down to wrap Logan’s arms around himself.

Wade held Logan’s head against his chest, soaking his t-shirt in tears.

“I…never…thought…” Logan murmured

“Huh?” Wade cooed

“I…would…get out of here. Hope is a little jarring, I guess,”Logan forced a chuckle through his tears.

“I told you I would get you out of here. It’s happening,” Wade whispered into Logan’s ear.

—-

Two months later, Wade followed behind Logan as he drove up the ramp where his front step used to be. “This is gonna be great. You’re gonna be so excited your dick is gonna explode into a million tiny dicks!” He cheered happily as they entered their home.

Once they were both in the front hallway, Wade circled around Logan and leaned down to give him a quick kiss, before grabbing his free hand and leading him down the hall towards the master bedroom.

Logan beamed at the sight of a hoyer lift next to the bed, which Wade pointed out was now equipped with a pressure mattress to help reduce Logan’s risk of pressure injuries.

“I’m gonna dick you down so good on this thing.” Wade laughed, slapping the mattress.

“You’re incredible, Wade.” whispered Logan, ignoring his boyfriend’s crass comment.

“No, you are.” Wade said, placing a hand on Logan’s cheek.

“Come on,” Wade instructed, leading Logan into the master bathroom.

Wade took a seat on the closed toilet lid and gave Logan a chance to look around. Logan smiled, noticing that Wade’s tub had been remodeled into a roll-in shower. Inside of which sat a high backed shower chair, that Logan could safely bathe in.

Turning his chair tight in the space, Logan turned to the sink and mirror which had been lowered to his wheelchair’s height. Logan noticed his reflection grinning and it caught him off guard.

“What do you think? Is it awesome? Isn’t it perfect? You hate it, don’t you? I’m sorry, I know you probably wanted more ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ signs, but honestly peanut, I think I’d shoot myself if I had to see those every day.” Wade rambled, joking nervously, as he sat on the toilet seat. “Is it the beige carpet? Because, y’know, I hate beige too but–”

Logan drove forward so his knees hit Wade’s, interrupting him, “Thank you, Wade.” It was a simple statement, with so much emotion behind it.

“You’re welcome, peanut,” Wade said with a smile before leaning forward to kiss Logan on the lips.

—- END —