Chapter Text
Push through.
Yunjin keeps telling herself to just push through, because it’s not only about her; she would not let her members or the whole team behind them down, and especially not their fans.
Truthfully, it had become second nature for her (for all of them) to have adopted that ‘the show must go on’ mentality that, granted, sometimes did more harm than good.
So there she is, staring through heavy eyelids at her own reflection, the ache in her back licking at her whole nervous system whenever she moves too harshly or pulls in the wrong direction.
Telling herself she just needs to push through, to just finish this damn day, because she might as well after having faced three different shoots and events in the span of nine hours.
The girls’ schedule had been even crazier than usual lately and every night, when the members gathered to stuff some food inside their aching bodies, there was a silent acknowledgment amongst them all. It was certainly not their first time going through this type of period, and they’d come out stronger each time.
So the last thing her members need at the moment, her members who had been killing themselves just as much as her, is someone taking a sick leave.
Because Yunjin knows what happens then; one of them missing means the remaining girls have to fill in for the absent party.
Her brain relentlessly bangs around her skull, tossing her thoughts around, as she shakily gets up from the vanity seat, and god, she can't help but feel like a comically large piñata.
Chaewon looks up from her phone, the glam team like bee workers all around her, and casts a questioning glance from across the room for what feels like the hundredth time that day.
"’M fine, Chaewonnie."
"Sure you are."
Yunjin deflects with a weak, unpersuasive chuckle.
No need to bother with a well crafted comeback about how No no, she does feel great, she's just tired, not only because she knows her friend will not believe her for a second, but mainly she's aware that Chaewon won’t push either way.
None of them ever did.
It’s not that they don't care, on the contrary. Little checkups like these go a long way on days where the mental and physical exhaustion reach heights that go as far as to make them doubt their career choice, really.
Yunjin softens her gaze and starts going on about how it’s just a few hours left, she’d be fine.
"Yeah, yeah," the brunette breathes, going back to her screen, propping one leg on her chair.
"Yah! I’ll make you ramyeon tonight Yunjinnie," she adds louder, before her friend can leave the room. Chaewon’s ears register an acknowledgment from the girl before zeroing back in on the sound coming from her phone.
***
Yunjin is about to take the left towards where a staff member has indicated the toilets, when panic surges through her.
She stops dead in her tracks and flies her wrist into her field of vision, eyes immediately locking onto the tiny needles of her watch. She mutters to herself, turning back around.
Her bladder could wait a little longer.
The makeshift nurse office is conveniently close to her previous destination, so she rather quickly reaches the dreaded door, her long legs carrying her there in no time despite the fatigue settling in them at this hour. Yunjin curses under her breath, english naturally coming out.
"Ahh, shit."
She huffs a little and dramatically throws her head back, and for a second her lips almost curve upwards at the mental image of herself that her brain so graciously provides.
God, she could just hear Eunchae calling her a big baby.
Okay.
Yunjin checks the name on the paper that's been slapped on the door with some cheap tape one last time before knocking once, not bothering to wait for a response before gripping the handle and pretty much barging into the room, determined to get this over with.
It's pretty small and Yunjin can tell it is normally an office, and that the whole hospital room setup was very last minute, because the only thing betraying the presence of anything medical are the two empty IV poles shoved in a corner and a white rolling tray absolutely packed with hospital smelling supplies, all seemingly sealed.
Her brown eyes meet the nurse’s ones, and she doesn't even get a chance to introduce herself before the woman interjects;
"Yunjinnn…Huh? Huh Yunjin?"
Yunjin dumbly points at herself.
"Huh Yunjin."
"Hi! Hi, yes, you can wait right there," the woman taps the seat facing hers.
Yunjin quickly thanks her and feels like an absolute loser as she sits there, hands fidgeting between her thighs, posture awful, waiting to be assisted, or pitched, or anything.
These kinds of situations never fail to make her feel like a little child.
Like right when it was their turn at the grocery store, and her mom realized she forgot an item and ran back to get it, leaving little Yunjin to fend for herself with the cashier just expectantly waiting.
The medic isn't even focused on her, too busy skipping through pages of a folder she can only assume is hers.
She wonders if all the members have a respective one and if so, who has the thickest.
A loud smack of lips interrupts her thoughts, followed by the gentle slam of the folder hitting the desk.
"So! Yunjin, staff tells me you’ve been feeling under the weather all day, is that right?"
Yunjin opens her mouth. "I wouldn-"
"How did you handle the ketorolac?" She presses encouragingly, and god Yunjin hates feeling like she's ten again, hates the smell of bleach getting stronger the longer she is sitting there, and she hates hates hates that this is the third fucking time she's doing this today, and that she doesn't even know what ketorolac is.
"Is that what they gave me? T'was fine, I guess. Uhh…I did feel like puking at some point, but also I was dancing when that happened, which i guess makes sense so I don’t even know if that’s worth like, mentioning?"
The nurse nods along every couple of words, so Yunjin just keeps word vomiting under her expectant gaze; "I feel like the second dose didn’t work as well though…I still felt a bit better but my back was still bothering me like crazy. Is this…normal?"
"Yes. yes…" the nurse bends over to reach for the folder again, pulls a page out of it along with a pen lying on the desk, and scribbles for two seconds on the back of it, before crossing her legs.
The pen clicks.
Yunjin wants to go back to her members.
She doesn't miss the slight hesitation before the nurse goes on.
"You can view ketorolac as a…little crutch. That’s why you felt a bit better back then. Helps stave the pain away so you can do what you gotta do."
"So it’s just a painkiller?" Yunjin’s voice doesn't falter, but she does feel a little icky, can't quite get past the fact this is the first time she's hearing the name of what was literally pumped through her veins hours prior.
"It is, sweetie. Like an IV fluid, you see. Just a tad stronger," she smiles warmly at Yunjin, one of those very professional smiles that don't reach the eyes.
The redhead slowly nods.
"Sooo…Am i getting another shot? Is that why they told me to come see you before the fansign?" She checks her watch again.
"Yep! A little boost to get you through the event without a hitch, really. I heard you mention back pain along with the fatigue? This should ease it all a little more than earlier, okay?"
More smiles, and fuck is Yunjin too drained to even entertain the conversation further.
It’s no use.
Management wants her to get a shot, so she would be getting a shot no matter what.
She sags in the seat, holds out her arm without even looking and rolls up her sleeve.
"I’m just one big walking medicinal cocktail today aren’t I."
The nurse politely chuckles before going on with her task.
Yunjin flinches a little when the door opens and thank god the needle wasn’t in there yet, she thinks.
Kkura’s head pokes out with an apologetic "Oh-" and then she's speaking very quietly as if the diminished volume would subtract the fact she was disrupting.
"Sorry! Oh, Yunjin-ah, do you still not feel better?" She doesn't wait for an answer, "We’re on in 5, manager told me."
Yunjin nods lazily after throwing an acknowledging ’Okay’ and a thumbs up at her unnie, and then turns back like the interruption didn't happen.
Sakura's still frozen in the doorway, so the nurse looks down at the syringe and back at the girl and declares it's vitamins and that Yunjin would join her in a minute with a nod that politely implies she should go on her merry way and let her do her job.
The door shuts and Yunjin groans.
***
"Girls! We need everyone ready in 2!"
Yunjin’s brain barely registers the voice. She's way too focused on stretching, pure amazement at how much her back pain has subsided, mere minutes after she's been pumped with the magical juice that she cannot remember the name of. She can finally breathe easier at the idea of having to stay in the same sitting position for a good two to three hours and do the occasional dance and entertaining.
Surely management had ordered the nurse to give her a higher dosage than the previous shots, because she does not remember it feeling this relieving earlier today.
She doesn't even jump when Chaewon sneaks up on her from behind and lifts herself on her tippy toes to rest her chin on her shoulder.
Two thin arms snake towards Yunjin’s front, hands joining in a back hug.
"Hey Chaewonnie, this stuff is amazing," she says in a wondering tone, "Really, I can’t even feel my back anymore."
At that, Chaewon tilts her head so her cheek snuggles against her friend’s shoulder, frowning a little.
"You look like a zombie though."
"Yaaah! We all do after today," Yunjin fakes getting upset at the comment. "What, you scared I’m gonna bite you?"
Chaewon looks ready to indulge in the stupid role play when a loud voice cuts in.
"One minute!"
The girls all look at each other, and Yunjin can finally relax as they step onto the stage and get greeted by loud cheers.
Fan signs were among her favorites.
She likes the outfit they’ve got her in, most of her back pain feels like a memory, all her members are there with her, and, most importantly, the day is almost over. The girls would go back to their hotel in a few hours, eat together and bicker and laugh or do their own thing until they fell asleep, and everything would be better tomorrow.
Awkward moments were inevitable and fan events did have a tendency to get a little repetitive after a few hours, but being able to witness the impact she has on people, real life people, in the flesh, always gets her a little emotional.
On those days, she always goes to bed feeling even more grateful than usual.
For this reason, she likes to give fan signs her all and always show up as her best self.
So it's a bit upsetting to her when she quickly realises the price to pay for no back pain turns out to be a sloppy brain and the absolute anaesthesia of her thoughts.
She’ll have to stick to the basics.
Nodding, smiling, waving hello, thank you’s, throwing some hearts and air kisses in there to wrap it all up.
She's waiting for the next fan to apply the formula when nausea suddenly washes over her, without any prior warning.
Yunjin freezes instantly.
Please, God, please not fucking now.
Hopefully it'll just pass if she stays still enough, and the fearnot who just sat across from her seems too engulfed in what they're telling her to notice anything’s off anyways, so she just opts for riding the wave discretely.
The uncomfortable feeling sits in the back of her throat though, like a pebble stuck under the sole of a shoe.
Yunjin’s doing her best to maintain eye contact, lips still curving upwards, but the second spasm of her stomach hits her like a truck and she quickly concludes this isn't about to be the background kind of nausea but the I’m going to puke in a few seconds one.
Her body enters fight or flight mode and she whips her head back, helplessly looking for the eyes of the closest staff member, hoping to silently alarm someone, anyone, without having to open her mouth, because she is not about to barf on all the gifts scattered across the table, or better yet, on a fan.
She could already see the stupid headlines.
Le Sserafim’s Huh Yunjin sparks concern after throwing up at offline fansign.
No way in hell.
And yet, she knows she’s already fucked when she registers an unfamiliar voice in the background asking her if everything’s okay, oblivious to the fact that staff finally noticed her and are quickly reaching for her while ordering the fan to stay put.
In the end, her conviction inevitably crumbles in the face of nature.
Without warning, her mind shuts off.
Her heartbeat’s pulsing in her throat like crazy, and she feels something weird and gooey creeping down her body, goosebumps erupting all over her clammy skin.
This has gone from zero to a hundred quicker than she can utter her own name and oh god, she really is going to vomit any second now.
She needs to get up, to go hide, and to puke.
Simply unable to care about saving face anymore in this moment, Yunjin brutally slides her chair back and carries her unstable self towards the back curtain in a last attempt at damage control, the relief from her back pain subsiding a distant memory.
She stumbles a little when her guts suddenly decide to team up with the rest of her organs, twisting viciously in an attempt at bringing her down to her knees.
It’s so sharp that Yunjin has to bite her lip to keep from groaning pathetically from the pain. Two more steps and finally, she’s offered the privacy of being backstage.
The plastic of the chair scrapes the floor pretty loudly, the awful screech catching Kazuha’s attention first.
The girl waits for the fan at her table to wave her goodbye before turning towards the commotion.
Her immediate reaction is to wanna follow, as her eyes catch Yunjin’s shaky form pathetically wobbling backstage, two staff members hurriedly following and trying to hold her up despite her unnie’s obvious attempts at keeping them at arm’s length.
The former ballerina’s heart drops a little lower inside her chest and she’s about to make a 180 in her chair to question Chaewon, who had also started to look towards the scene along with the other girls picking up one by one, when the crinkle of a mic getting picked up cuts in.
"Aah…Dear Fearnot, we’re very sorry to inform you Huh Yunjin had to leave very suddenly due to personal issues. She’s okay, please look forward to spending time with the other members."
The girls, clearly distraught despite their best attempts at trying to keep a calm facade, watch as their manager suddenly appears to whisper something to the announcer, multitudes of reactions starting to erupt through the lobby.
"Everyone currently in Yunjin’s line, please gather towards the back, where we will tell you how to proceed next and give informations concerning compensation measures. Please accept our apologies. Thank you."
The crowd gets louder at that.
A few people yell over the noise, demanding to know what’s wrong with Yunjin while most of the fans regretfully start to comply, guided by security.
As soon as the announcement is over, their manager shifts his attention to his girls and quickly tells them to keep their focus and not to leave their chairs, that they’d go back to the signing in 5, clearly refusing to inform them on anything going on with their friend.
He’s dodging their every question and then has the nerve to order them to tell any fearnot who asks that unfortunately Yunjin had an emergency, to keep insisting that she’s ‘perfectly fine although sad she had to miss the rest of the event’.
Without any further acknowledgment, he leaves them, the group confused, worried, and a little frustrated.
"Chaewon-unnie, didn’t Yunjin-unnie literally say she was feeling better?"
Kazuha’s question clashes with Eunchae expressing her surprise considering the amount of medicine Yunjin had been given through the day, and the leader’s reply leaves Sakura with a bad taste in her mouth;
"Aah…I don’t know, I’m confused. She seemed to be feeling pretty good earlier," Chaewon chews her lower lip, "She said that whatever they’d given her was amazing, that she couldn’t even feel the pressure in her back anymore," she states, her eyes darting from one member to another with a frown.
"Really?"
Chaewon’s head snaps towards Sakura at the sound of her voice, everyone’s focus shifting from one girl to the other.
Sakura hesitates.
"It’s…Just that, when I interrupted to go get Yunjin, the nurse told me she was just giving her a vitamin shot," she slowly lets out.
"Eh? Isn’t that like super sketchy?" Eunchae intervenes. "I wanna check on her, can we really not move until it’s over?"
Kazuha’s neck almost cracks at how hard she nods.
The two oldest look at each other, considering.
Chaewon wants nothing more than to bolt and go look after Yunjin herself, but being the leader and all, this is the exact type of situation that makes her in charge of the most responsibilities, and she can’t disrespect that.
Sakura speaks up after a few seconds, looking at the two youngest;
"You two go. We’ll tell management you had to pee."
"Both of us? At the same time?"
"Just go! We’ll deal with the staff. Just be quick."
The two youngest glance at each other and then around, and considering most of their team is already preoccupied with dealing with the situation, it doesn’t prove too difficult of a task for them to slip away unnoticed.