Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"What's this? Where am I?"
Mari woke up in an unfamiliar and strange building. She saw a sign that read "Hopes Peak Academy" Hopes Peak? Hmm..

Suddenly, a strange yet alluring bear walked in...

"Welcome to Hopes Peak... Ultimate Hottie"

"Ultimate WHAT now?" This had to be a dream. What was going on? Last thing Mari could remember, she had been in a fight with her (super adorbsicles!!!!11!!!1!!!1!!!!~~~ :3c) lil bro Sunny (or snuuy as she called him dop dop dop skrrrrttt XD.)

All the stress from the upcoming recital had been building up to that moment.. (or CLIMAXING should i say hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha) They had a terrible fight at the top of the stairs..

{{{Flashback}}}

"Stop it Sunny! This isn't who you are... This isn't the lil bro that I know... Where's that super adorbsicles!!!!11!!!1!!!1!!!!~~~ :3c lil goober dat i've come 2 know nd lauvv... <3333333 I wuv you widdle bro!!! xDDDD ;3c heeheheh

"You are an enemy of Christ."

And then Sunny pushed her down the stairs, snapping her neck and breaking every fucking bone in her body. Her windpipe was crushed as her lungs fought to breathe but the only thing in her lungs was the collecting blood from her pierced flesh; covering the stairs with a crimson red, blood crusting and caking at the base of her scalp, pooling on the floor, staining the stairs with the sins of the one she loved most.

"wat da forkkkk bruh;ppp"

She rolled over, facing the final step of the staircase, reaching out to her younger brother. The last thing she saw was the horrified expression on his face, before feeling a gentle release and her eyes fluttered shut. She could feel the life being drained out from her body, leaving through her fingertips and other bodily holes, when suddenly she felt some otherworldly force pull her backwards, forwards, she couldn't tell.

With a thump, she landed in Hopes Peak.

{{{Present}}}

"Hello? Are you there?" There was no response. Monokuma sighed, taking a cautious step forward towards Mari. Her art style seemed to be different, and she looked slightly disheveled, almost as if she had just taken a long stumble. There was dried up blood under her fingernails and in her hair.

Suddenly Mari violently shook her head, returning back to reality after her flashback.

"Sorry, what did you just say? Im the Ultimate whatshisface hoodickey who-now? deerrrp gloop :p"

Monokuma chuckled, slightly amused at the odd lingo she used."What the fuck is derp gloop?"

"mi badddhhhddd ;cccc guess i'm just a lil silly liek dat lolz xdddd owo" Mari looked around and took in her surroundings. The interior of this building had 6-7 6-7 607 6-07 6-7 6-76 67 67 6-7 67-6 67 607 67
67 is not funny. you may just need to join the workforce.

The interior of this building had odd furniture and weird colourful doors. It looked more realistic than the artstyle she was used to. She had been in a state of half-consciousness until know, still getting used to this new environment. The air was uncomfortable and stuffy and she felt a throbbing in the lower regions of her body.

She finally looked up at the person that had been talking to her this whole time, but what she saw was no person. It was almost like some kind of bear.

"What...are you?"

Chapter Text

"What...are you?"

[The super hot and sexy alluring tantalizing attractive beautiful mesmerizing magnetizing black and white bear] looked this young girl up and down. She had seemed hesitant to ask him, almost like she was scared. He was used to this, used to people cowering in his wake, used to the Despair he could sense oozing out of every one of their pores.

But this time was different. This time [The super hot and sexy alluring tantalizing attractive beautiful mesmerizing magnetizing black and white bear] didn't feel satisfied with Despair. This time... he felt a foreign feeling in his chest. It was warm and fuzzy, and felt sort of…nice. But the utter thought of Mari being scared of him sent thorns splicing through his Despair ridden heart.

Why was thinking about the possibility of her hating him or being scared of him making his heart ache? Why did the thought of feeling hurt him when everything else did nothing to his ice cold heart? Could this girl be the one to melt away the frozen Despair that encased his broken soul? Didn't he want Despair? Or did he now long for something else? Something... warm... perhaps even throbbing, a gentle release...

These thoughts echoed through his usually focused robotic brain until the dulcet tones of the Ultimate Hotties voice stabbed through his soul.

“Bruh r u liek… gonna answer muy questinss… orr.. 0_0 /srs"

[The super hot and sexy alluring tantalizing attractive beautiful mesmerizing magnetizing black and white bear] snapped back to reality after hearing the Ultimate Hottie's perplexing jejune boondoggling.

[The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] cackled evilly, returning to his usual personality. "Guess you'll have to wait for the answer.. Ultimate Hottie"

"Broski wat da frick are u jibber jabbering til da cowz come home in yapanese about liek lmao itz not dat deep brah... o_o /confused.. @Grok what is this diddy blud yapping ab-"

"Shut the actual fuck up." [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] was starting to find her quirky vocabulary annoying. and yet.. also adorable. What was this feeling so sudden and new.. [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] felt the moment he laid eyes on the Ultimate Hottie..

"Everyone else is meeting in the gym. I would suggest that you look for everyone else."

"okai but bru liek where r they tho... >:c" She looked around once more at her strange surroundings. It seemed like she was inside the hallway of a high school, though they felt quiet, too quiet. Almost like a gentle release. Oh right, hadn't [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] told her earlier that she was in Hope's Peak Academy or something?

Well, I guess I should probably look for the students like [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] told me to... UwU OwO XD

Chapter Text

hi, this isnt a chapter but rather a reminder.

THIS SERIES IS SATIRE!!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT FUCKING SHIP MONOKUMA AND MARI
THE TITLE LF THIS FIC IS CRINGY, ON PURPOSE.
THE WRITING IS OVERTLY EDGY, INCORRECT OR JUSR RANDOM, PURPOSE.
I SAY GENTLE RELEASE IN EVERY CHAPTER, ON PURPOSE.
THERE ARE A BUNCH OF RANDOM AND WEIRD TAGS, ON PURPISE!!!

BECAUSE I FIND IT FUNNY.

SO STOP TAKING THIS SERUOUSLY PLEASE. IM NOT JUDGING ANYONE WHO LIKES THIS KIND OF STUFF BUT PLEASE DONT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DISSAPOINTED. IM MAKING THIS PURELY BECAUSE ITS FUNNY AND I FIND IT ENTERTAINING. IF I GET BORED OF THIS, ILL DELETE THE FIC OR JUST STOP ALTOGETHER. AND DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP FOR AN ACTUAL PLOT.

also can someone pls tell me what TOS i violated bc im confused but apparently i broke a rule so

and ik its bad so theres no need to tell me. its bad ON PURPOSE!!!

yes its annoying that i keep saying the same thing in the comments, notes whatever but obviously SOME (key word SOME) people arent reading it so i just want to make it EXTREMELY crystal clear.

Chapter Text

Mari sat up with a sigh, and looked up at the odd bear thing in front of her. She assumed it was probably some kind of hologram or puppet or whatever. A...cute hologram or puppet. Mari giggled a little as she thought to herself that she would like to buy one of these adorable bears if it was a plushie. (♡ω♡ ) ~♪

And with a flash, just a few seconds after she had started admiring him, [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] was gone, like a gentle release. Had he dashed away or...even teleported? What was going on? At this point, she had just given up on trying understand this weird new universe.

And with that, she decided to start walking. [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] had said "everyone else" was meeting in the gymnasium...but where WAS the gymnasium...yare yare daze... (눈‸눈)

Suddenly, she saw a large group of people walking past her in the hallway, again in a different art style. Along with various...other art styles? Could it be that there were others like her, who had been sucked into this weird school?

"Haiii guyz wait up !!!1!!!1!!!!!111!!!1!! -_-"

The group of people turned to look at her, revealing a cast of characters in the same art style as the [The Super Hot and Sexy Alluring Tantalizing Attractive Beautiful Mesmerizing Magnetizing Black and White Bear] although there seemed to be multiple of this really gay looking one. She ignored it and brushed it off as being delirious and seeing double.

And then, suddenly, from behind them, Hatsune Miku, Kaito, Adolf Hitler, Papyrus, Sans, Peter Griffin, Kusuo Saiki, Tamaki Suou, Jesus Christ, Angel Dust, Eda, Pomni, Marceline, England from Hetalia, Germany from Hetalia, Kanye West, the Dream SMP ensemble, Asgore, Captain Underpants, Charlie Kirk, Bowie from TDI the woke version, Ishowspeed and L Lawliet walked in.

"What's up mamas?"