Chapter Text
Your name is JANE CROCKER. The game is won. You're on Earth C, and your friend Roxy has recently became a man. He's not the only one, of course. June has recently transitioned herself. But somehow you can't take your mind off of Roxy. He was always so girly. And now he's just a guy. Not that you have a problem with it, you're an ally! It's just a big change.
Seeing him, on testosterone for around a year now, with stubbly facial hair and a toned, muscular body, makes you feel something you can't explain. It lies in your stomach like the anticipatory hunger you feel watching a cupcake rising in the oven. You don't think you want to be... like him. Golly, just the thought of sticking a needle in yourself like he does makes you lightheaded! But something about the idea of being a boy is appealing.
Darn. Your name is JANE CROCKER, and you think you might want to be a boy.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgiac [TG] at 3:15
GG: Roxy! I need to talk to you.
TG: ooh jane whats goin on
GG: It's regarding your recent... er, gender happenings!
TG: my gender happenings
TG: do you mean me transitioning
TG: you can just say that lol janey
GG: Uh, ok! I just wanted to ask you something. :B
TG: hit me
GG: So, um.
GG: How did you know you wanted to be a guy?
TG: oh
TG: why???
GG: No reason. Hoo hoo!
TG: okayyyyy janey
TG: well
TG: fisrt dont say i want to be a guy i just am one
GG: Oh golly, sorry Roxy!
TG: its chill lolllllll
TG: BUT
TG: once we got to earth c i started thinking
TG: whats even the point of gender??? that stuff about it being like super imporfant is sort of bullshit huh
TG: so then i was like well shit i can do watever i want
TG: so i thought lots about what felt comfy for me
TG: like do i like it more if people call me a girl or a boy
TG: do i like looking like a girl
TG: that kinda stuff ya know
TG: and i like being a boy lots!!! so i just decided i might as well be a gender i actually like being lolz
TG: and thats about it
GG: Hmm...
Is that actually possible? Just figuring yourself out like that? You close your eyes and imagine yourself. Do you like how you look? You're tall, taller than all of your friends. (Well, except Kanaya, but she's taller than pretty much everyone.) You like that about yourself. You're also fat. Most of your weight goes to your hips and your stomach, which bulges out when you wear tight clothes. That's okay too. You were insecure about your weight when you were younger, but you got over that a while ago, and you don't think about it much nowadays.
What do you not like about yourself?
Your mind goes to one place. Your breasts. They were smaller when you were younger, but you've gained a bit of weight since then. You don't know your actual bra size, but you would estimate it's somewhere near "way too big." It's less than ideal. Not only does your back hurt, you have no chance of hiding them.
TG: janeeee you good
TG: did i kill you jane
TG: janeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
GG: Ah! Sorry, Roxy!
GG: I got a bit distracted.
TG: with what??? :3
GG: Uhh...
GG: Golly, I don't know how to say this.
TG: whats up?
TG: jane you ok?
GG: I think that I...
GG: Roxy, I...
GG: I think I might...
TG: what????????
GG: I think I want to be a boy, Roxy!!!
You shove your face into your hands and kick your chair away from your desk. Your computer begins to buzz.
TG: OH EM GEE
TG: YESSS JANE THIS IS GRFET!!!
TG: imso happy fror yiu!!!
GG: Gosh, don't get too excited yet! I'm not sure.
GG: I just think I need to think about it.
TG: im here 4you whenever jaeney
TG: janey
TG: WAIT do you still want to be called that
GG: Roxy, slow down! I just realized this like a minute ago.
GG: I need time.
TG: okay!!! you can talk to me anytime
GG: Thank you, Roxy.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgias [TG]
You aren't really sure what to do now. What do transgender people do after they realize they're transgender? You guess transgender people might include you now? Gah, this is so complicated!
There are plenty of resources on the internet, probably! You type "how to know if youre transgender" into your browser. Talk to other trans people, write about how you feel, think about if you get dysphoria... You've done that. What do you do next? Nothing seems to expand on what to do after that.
You consider. Would you really like being a guy? You get an idea. Your closet still has lots of guy-ish clothes, mostly detective outfits. You open it up and pull out a few items. You take a long brown trench coat, an oversized shirt, pants, and even an old fake mustace you had laying in the back of your closet.
You go into the bathroom you share with June and the Nannasprites, your new outfit in hand. You pull your skirt and shirt off, assessing your body in the mirror as you do. You eye your curves. You don't often stop to think about your body, and you prefer to avoid looking at it. As you look yourself over, you lean onto the bathroom wall and sink to the ground.
Why are all these feelings coming up now? This is so stupid! Why do you have to deal with this now? This is too much! You're afraid you're choking. Your body is trapping you. You want out. You want to go back to an hour ago, before you started thinking about this.
Is this even the first time? You think back, those silly outfits you wore when you were a teen, those hours you spent in store dressing rooms crying quietly, that obsession with Jake you always assumed was a crush...
Was this it? All this time, have your issues just all led back to you, what, wanting to be a boy? That anger, that hate, all those feelings you stuffed into your head and tried to ignore, was it all about this? You can't fucking believe this.
You inhale sharply. Right, you came into the bathroom for a reason. You pull the shirt and pants on, and put the trench coat over it. You peel the adhesive off of the fake mustace and straighten it under your nose.
You straighten your glasses. You're... not sure how you feel about this. Your face looks pretty boyish, but the trench coat is a little too small for you. Your body curves more visibly than usual. Square breathing, Jane, like Rose showed you. In, out, in, out.
You think you like how you look right now. It's masculine, and you feel like the noir detective archetype you always wanted to be. You grab your phone and take a selfie, to maybe send to your friends later, and open up Pesterchum. You open up Roxy's account. Wait, do you want to talk to him now? No. You close your phone and walk out of the bathroom.
JANE?: June! Nannasprites!
JUNE: Woah, Jane! Cool outfit!
JANE?: Yeah, I think I want to look like this all the time now?
JUNE: Huh?
JANE?: June, I'm a boy! :B
June gasps, and a wide grin blooms on her face. She throws you into a hug, and the Nannasprites, who you just noticed have been there the whole time, cheer.
NANNASPRITE: I think we have some cakes to get baking!
NANNASPRITE: I agree, hoo hoo! :B