Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I've been starting to think that maybe the ability to change is fine, not needing to commit to one thing all the time"

"how about that?" 

Zooble was about to reply with some equally half-&$$ed quip when they looked closer at the snarky purple rabbit in front of them. 

Something about the way Jax looked away when he said that, he looked... Different than he usually did when making fun of everyone, troubled, even. But why? Why this topic in particular??

Upon noticing this, Zooble remembered the reason they had even approached Jax in the first place. It certainly wasn't to argue; it was to check in on him. They'd noticed an unusual lack of purple bunnies tormenting them and their friends, and figured something MUST be wrong. 

This hunch was only emboldened when they saw Jax sitting alone, and even when he had made a snappy comment at them just a minute ago, Zooble could tell his heart wasn't in it. 

Which brought them back to the issue at hand: Jax had some sort of personal problem with their avatar gimmick, or something related to it, it seemed. 

Internally praying that this wasn't a case of some secret bigotry of Jax's that Zooble was gonna regret unearthing, they decided to finally reply to him, hoping to get an elaboration of some kind. "And what exactly do you mean by that?" 

Jax's response was quick, clearly he wasn't thinking his words through as much before he spoke. 

"What I mean, is that it's hardly some revelation that your gimmick isn't so bad, and any one of us would've been SO MUCH more grateful for that gift than you are!! I would've been more grateful than you are..." 

Woah. 

As he had spoken, his later words left his mouth in a snarl as his face contorted in disgust. (or was it jealousy? Zooble was unsure. No wait, it was definitely jealousy... Wait, JEALOUSY!??) 

Ok... So he was jealous, of their changeable body? But why?? They were determined to find out, so they prodded further. "You know, if you're having any issues with how you see yourself, you can talk to us, right? We won't judge. I certainly wouldn't"

Bad move, apparently.

Jax shot up, turning away from them as he began to speak "Good thing I don't have any issues, and I don't appreciate your little implication at the end there. I'm nothing like you. Do you know what I would give to be like you? To get to choose? To get to be anything but this?" Jax gestures toward his entire body "It doesn't matter. I get on with my life, congrats on figuring out that you should too I guess" he finished with a badly-hidden shake in his voice before walking away "Don't read too much into this".

Zooble, of course, immediately began reading into it.

Once he'd left in a huff, Zooble was completely dumbfounded. They thought back to previous instances they'd noticed of Jax being uncomfortable with his appearance, and one instance stood out in particular...

The dress... That f@£&ing maid dress.

"Oh s#!+..."

Zooble thinks they know what Jax's issue is.

Chapter Text

Shortly after their revelation, Zooble had sat down in the shade of Jax's abandoned beach umbrella. As they once again thought back to the maid dress incident, their mind was racing.

Oh god oh f#&$ oh god oh f#&$ I can't believe I voted for it!.. he must've been so... Wait... What pronouns should I use?? 'he' doesn't feel right anymore, and 'they' would get confusing for the readers when we talk. Hmm, guess I'm calling Jax 'she' now. Wait, what if-

Zooble's quickly deteriorating train of thought was cut short by the sound of light steps in sand that had now become too loud to tune out. After taking a moment to regain their bearings in the present moment, wondering just how long they'd been mentally monologuing, they looked up from their view of the sand to see who was approaching. (Hopefully not another NPC. Ugh.)

Fortunately, as Zooble took in the sight of red ribbons, Gangle now stood squarely over them; her tearful porcelain face betraying her worry before her voice could. 

Speaking of her voice, she began to speak in a meek, hushed volume "Are you feeling okay? you looked upset.", and before Zooble could reassure her, she spoke again "What's wrong? I'd love to help if I can!" Gangle ended with a more upbeat tone and smile.

"Jax..." Zooble immediately recoiled. S&?$ I CAN'T TELL GANGLE, THIS IS PERSONAL!!! So with a (hopefully) convincing tone, and the observation that Gangle was missing her comedy mask, they continued "...didn't already break your mask today, did she?".

Perfect save Zooble. No notes...

waIT NO-

"She?"

F!¢#...  F@€%! play dumb PLAY DUMB

"Uhhhhhh what?" 

"You said- nevermind..." Gangle thankfully dropped it; her previous, more nervous expression momentarily returning to her mask, before relaxing once again "Anyway, Jax didn't break my comedy mask, I just didn't feel like wearing it today." 

Before Zooble could ask about that, Gangle answered their yet-unspoken concern "I just thought, you know... since we talked during the gun adventure, I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't hide my true feelings just because they're not what some people wanna see." Her ribbon spine straightened, as she stood tall in a triumphant, almost heroic pose - now staring upwards vaguely at the sunny sky with a confident smile "So I decided that I wanna try going without my Comedy Mask for a bit!"

Honestly, Zooble had never been so proud of another person before. They took a moment to admire Gangle's bravery to stand tall in the face of a bully like Jax.

On the topic of Jax, note to self; After I make sure she's okay on the gender stuff, make her promise to NEVER hurt Gangle again. I doubt she'll listen, but I gotta try. Wait that ALSO reminds me that I need to go find her soon.

"Hey, I'm sorry to leave you, but I got something important to tend to. You wanna draw together later?" 

Gangle's face shifted multiple times as she looked back downwards at them - first disappointed, then much brighter as she processed the end of Zooble's sentence. 

"Oh, I'd love to!" she began nervously tugging on one of her arms with her other one and... was that a blush? "Thanks for um. for always looking out for me, I might not have said it yet, but I'm really glad that we have each other here." God, she's adorable "I'll see you then. goodbye!" she turned and walked away. 

Once Gangle had left, Zooble rose to a standing position, and embarked on their walk back to The Tent. They were in two minds about the conversation they'd just had. On one hand, they hated having to lie to Gangle like that,  but on the other hand, they couldn't just tell her what was really up. They wouldn't out their worst enemy (Which Jax just so happened to be).

As they continued their longer-than-they'd-predicted trek, their inner discussion moved on from the encounter they'd just had to the one they were about to have. They had to make a gameplan, approach this in just the right way; Not so harsh as to scare Jax away, but not so soft as to let her deflect freely.

No matter how it happens, we NEED to talk.

Jax trudged back to his room with all the grace of that Gloink that got into Ragatha's stash of Stupid Sauce that one time. 

His head spun, or maybe the room was spinning around him? no, that doesn't make any sense, so his head spun; his mind thick with a fog that seemed to coat each of his thoughts in a sticky grime as they passed by him.

He just needed to lay down for a sec to clear his head, that's all. "That's not all though, is it?" A single stream of thought cut through the aforementioned fog, in a voice unlike his own; One he thought he'd forgotten. "You know that, deep down, Zooble's right, Pomni was too. You're just too afraid to let yourself feel real again, 'cause then you'd have to admit you're a human being with human emotions; human DESIRES." The voice teased "Plus, if Zooble didn't know your little secret before, they certainly do now-"

"I KNOW, SHUT UP RIBBIT!"

Oh F@£&... He's really going crazy, isn't he?? Is this how it starts? Who am I kidding, I started this process when Ribbit abstracted. It's a wonder I didn't check out years ago.

By now, Jax was in his room, in the dark and laying on his bed. Although his mind was a little clearer in this position, the next voice he heard overpowered his other thoughts just as easily as the first had, with the added bonus that he could SEE the f!£%er now, sitting at his bedside and smiling that obnoxious smile Jax didn't wanna admit he missed.

"Is this seriously what you're doin' with ya self? You'd really rather curl up and die than accept the help the others are readily offerin' ya?"

"Screw off, Kaufy." 

"No." Huh, guess that only works the first time. 

Despite the clown's defiance, silence fell once more, and Jax found himself being the next one to speak up. "Did... Did it feel like this for you, too?" He barely got the words out without choking on them. 

"What, Abstraction? Well, not quite, but it's a bit different for everyone, I suppose." Kaufmo seemed to ponder for a moment, though Jax knew that was impossible. "As I reached the end, I certainly saw the writing on the wall. Though if I remember correctly, you saw my room right after, so I guess you must've seen a fair bit of that too!" He chuckled as he finished. 

"Now I know you're not real, 'cause that was actually funny." 

"Oh, you wound me!" After another hearty bout of laughter, a sullen expression took over his painted face, and he started once more "On a serious note, you know what us being here means." Kaufmo held out his hand for Jax to take and, despite himself, he couldn't help but take it.

As soon as the contact was made, Jax was blinded by vibrant lights. Once his eyes adjusted, he found himself alone again. Looking straight ahead, he saw a kaleidoscopic view of abstract shapes morphing and shifting as he passed by steadily. 

His body felt different too, but he was unable to look down to confirm his nakedness, purely transfixed on the patterns ahead of him. 

The shapes ahead of him began to take on more distinct features; More specifically the faces of Kaufmo, Ribbit and him. He never thought it would look so pretty, to slip away quietly.

He heard a voice. Not like Ribbit or Kaufmo's just now, but a real voice. Zooble's voice, coming from behind him.

They were mostly repeating "Oh my god!!" He couldn't move to look at them, but their voice became louder and louder, so he could tell they were getting closer. 

As soon as he felt their clawed hand on his arm, he could move again. He jolted upright, finding himself back in his room, staring at Zooble beside him. They were holding on tight to his side, and... were they CRYING?

"It's gonna be okay, I promise."

Chapter Text

By the time that Zooble was certain they were ready to deal with whatever BS Jax would throw at them, they were already at her door. They steeled themself, taking a deep breathe before knocking on the door. 

*Knock Knock*

...

Nothing... So she's gonna be like that, huh? well I'm not just letting her get away that easy. like I said, we're talking about this HERE AND NOW.

As Zooble moved to repeat their previous knocking motion, accompanied by at least 2 shouted expletives for good measure, they heard a faint sound from inside Jax's room; A modulated buzzing sound, along with a barely audible electrical crackling.

Zooble had only heard that sound once before, when Kaufmo had... and louder when Caine had opened up the cellar...

Jax was abstracting in there. 

No no no no no- I need to get in there! F&£# I shouldn't have let her go, I KNEW she was in a vulnerable state and I just let her! Please just wait for me Jax, I'll be there soon... Zooble was in complete hysterics as they fumbled with the doorknob in a last-ditch effort to get in. Surprisingly, the door was actually unlocked, and as they threw themself against it, they tumbled down onto the pastel rug of Jax's Room, dampening it with their tears.

Once Zooble picked themselves up, their immediate priority became visible to them; The purple bunny, whose eyes shone brilliant pinks, whites and blues behind her shut eyelids, lay with a peaceful smile upon her face. 

"Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god" was all the coherent language they could muster as they scrambled to the bed where Jax lay. They clutched the sleeping rabbit in their arms and wept into her shoulder.

Jax awoke the moment that contact was made, jolting upright and scaring Zooble half to death themselves. She was far from her usual cool and collected self, seeming almost frenzied as she flailed her free arm. However, she did not push Zooble away even in this moment and in the seconds following, when she began to calm her breathing. 

In fact, Jax never pushed Zooble away, only looking down in a sort of tired bewilderment as they whispered in a hoarse voice "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

Then Jax did something that Zooble would've never expected in even their wildest dreams:

Jax began to cry too.

At first only a sniffle and a groan, then it was as if the emotional floodgates had opened all at once as she wailed like a baby, face twisted into an expression so unbefitting of her that Zooble almost didn't recognize her for a moment. She wrapped her long arms tightly around Zooble's frame, reciprocating their semi-hug and pulling them onto the bed with her.  

During the amorphous span of time in which the 2 emotional wrecks remained in that position, countless teary-eyed "I'm so sorry"s were shared between them, and before they knew it, Jax had fallen into a more stable, truly peaceful slumber. 

In this time, Zooble had also calmed themself, and now realized that they were genuinely face-to-face with the sleeping visage of Jax. If they'd been told that this was where they'd be even 2 hours ago, they think they would actually combust.

But as they contemplated the sheer absurdity of the situation, they looked again at the face in front of them and, truth be told, they had a hard time seeing that same bully who would happily torture just about anyone for a quick laugh... All they saw in that moment was a small, scared girl who needed care and acceptance more than anything. They held her tighter, and she snuggled deeper in turn.

Honestly, she's kinda cute when she's not being a terror- Oh god I can NEVER let her know I just thought that!

Suddenly feeling an urge to look away from Jax, their gaze shifted to the room surrounding them. It was... wow. Zooble didn't think they'd ever even seen a daycare that looked THIS much like a daycare. Wait. How old is Jax again? They added age to the quickly growing list of things they would be speaking to her about when she woke up. 

Maybe I can postpone the harsher words I have for her...

~~~

Zooble was awoken (though they had been unaware of when they'd drifted off) By a knock on the door. They carefully manoeuvred their way out of Jax's arms as not to wake her too, and managed to hobble most of the way to the door before another knock rang out.

Damn it, whoever this is is gonna wake her up at this rate.

Zooble threw open the door with more aggression than they expected, and found 3 faces staring back at them from the hallway.

Pomni instantly started "Jax, can w- ZOOBLE?!" She seemed to be physically taken aback in surprise at the unlikely face that greeted her.

Ragatha was clearly shocked too, but handled it with measuredly more grace. "Zooble... what are you doing in Jax's room?"

"I uhhhhhh...- Who's that?" Zooble questioned, half in an attempt to divert from having to explain themselves, and half out of genuine curiosity about the Mannequin NPC that had not said a word up until now. 

Luckily, Pomni, Ragatha and the both seemed more than happy to elaborate, explaining that the mannequin was a human who, in some strange twist of fate, had been assigned a blank mannequin avatar and subsequently had gone unnoticed by Caine. As unbelievable as that sounded, Zooble went along with it, tired as they were and fresh off the heels of ANOTHER earth-shattering discovery, they were honestly willing to accept anything at this point.

~

"-And that's why we need to talk to Jax, we think they might have a key to the Chinese Room." The mannequin, who Zooble had asked and learned was named Abel, finished up his explanation. 

"Well," Zooble glanced back into the dark room, confirming that Jax hadn't woken, "Jax is asleep right now, and I'm not gonna steal from... hhhhim, so mayb-"

"I understand if they're... not available right now." Abel interrupted Zooble "We can wait in the main lobby, but please try to be with us within the next hour. I'm not certain how long we have before Caine... Well, it's just best if you're quick." He moved to leave.

But before he could herd the Jester and Ragdoll away, Pomni spoke up "Wait, why WERE you in Jax's room?" F@#£. I was SO CLOSE!

Before Pomni could finish, Ragatha completed the thought for her "...While he was asleep?" The insinuation was left hanging in the air, almost as if the 2 women thought it so unbelievable that they just couldn't ask it outright.

Nevertheless, Zooble quickly picked up what they were putting down "We- NO WE'RE NOT- NOT LIKE THAT!!" They waved their arms in front of them as their eyes blew wide. They don't SERIOUSLY think I'd- with HER?

They clearly didn't fully buy it, but by this point, Abel had resorted to picking them both up and carrying them away, 1 over each shoulder. After a minute of suspicious glares, all 3 had turned the corner and Zooble was alone with their thoughts. 

"Uuggghhhhh..."

Or at least, they'd assumed they were. 

Chapter Text

"What are you... Noooooo that didn't really-" 

"Yyyyyyup." Zooble answered with a nod. They walked further into the room, and closed the door behind them.

The sheer, guttural sound Jax made in response cannot be transcribed to text, and thus will not be represented as a quote.

ugh, right. I'm gonna have to deal with LUCID Jax now, huh. Zooble was not looking forward to that, but they remembered what was at stake here, and that gave them all the confidence they needed to not back down from this challenge. 

And BOY, was this going to be a challenge... they both mentally thumbed through what they remembered of yesterday. (was it even the next day? how long had they actually slept for?) 

Jax was sat up in bed, deep in thought for so long that Zooble caught themselves thinking that maybe - just maybe - she was going to actually try to talk. 

The rabbit got up, staring at the asymmetrical eyes ahead of her. She looked troubled, her squared pupils shrunken in her tired eyes, her mouth a crooked frown. She started "Why did you follow me?" Her voice was hoarse, and cracked when she tried to go above a whisper. 

"Because I knew something was wrong." Zooble spoke matter-of-factly.

Jax scoffed "Nothing is WRONG with me! I'm not some child that needs to be coddled and held whenever he gets his fee-fees hurt!!" Her back straightened up, seemingly trying to make herself look bigger. She looked down at Zooble, her pupils now pinpricks "I. AM. FINE. WITHOUT YOUR HELP."

"BULLS#!+! You were abstracting!!" The tears were threatening a return to Zooble's eyes, and they fought to keep their tough demeanor together, but they knew their concern was obvious when their voice wavered. "You were abstracting," they sniffled "and I almost didn't make it in time to save you." 

That seemed to really throw Jax for a loop. her brows unfurrowed, her shoulders dropped and her mouth hung open. "You- I... no, that's not- why do you care?" The energy was gone from her voice too, the lack of any fake confidence giving away just how exhausted she must've been. 

Only for a moment, though. In what felt like an instant, she stood back up straight, her pupils dilating until her eyes were nearly devoid of their sickly yellow sclera. 

It scared Zooble, honestly. They'd never seen a person just reset like that. 

"This never happened." And just like that, she made her exit, walking straight past Zooble and- 

Jax found his path blocked by the outstretched arm of the Mix-&-Match Toy beside him. "No. You're not running from this." They gave him a stern look. 

"Or what?" He sneered "You gonna tell everyone that I almost abstracted? Or some other thing you think You've figured out about me?" He prodded their chest, but they didn't budge. "Trust me, you're not as smart as you think you are. You haven't figured me out. Now let me go."

Zooble responded with a huff and a glare, and did not move.

This was extremely frustrating. This always worked! He had it down to a system; If someone thinks they want to get to know him, he'd just insult and bully them until they realized he wasn't worth the effort. 

But now, just because Zooble saw him vulnerable ONE TIME, they suddenly think they can just get through to him? That he's just gonna U-turn his entire personality and just admit everything like "Oh Zooble! I'm secretly a f&£&ing queer too, and I was just taking my anger out on all of you because I'm deeply unsatisfied with my life and my body and my gender and I'm jealous of all of you because I'll never get to be a woman, because we're gonna be stuck here forever, and YOU know better than anyone how Caine is with avatar changes!!!! And that's just ONE of my myriad mental problems, lemme TELL you about how I-" He tried to catch his breath. In. Out. "How I..."

Wait, why was he out of breath?

"...Did you mean to say all that out loud?" 

...

"No."

Without another word, Jax turned around and got back into bed.

He didn't even bother fighting Zooble any more; hell, he couldn't even muster the strength to mentally scold himself. What would even be the point, they KNOW now. So when they approached the bed, sitting down beside him, he could only bring himself to glare bitterly at them, the wetness of his pillow against his face kindly informing him that he was now crying. 

Great. Now Zooble was looking at him with pity. They reached their hand out tentatively, asking without asking. When he remained still, they laid it on his back. "Hey, I already told you at the beach that I won't judge you. I mean, not for this. I still think you're a terrible f#&$ing person generally, but that's besides the point; I can tell this is really eating away at you - hell, it almost KILLED you - and I'm here if you wanna talk."

silence

Zooble looked disappointed, but not angry or all that surprised. They sighed, and made themself comfortable in their sitting position. 

"Look, we both know now, so maybe we can start from there; Is there a new name you have in mind? Any different way you'd want me to refer to you? Any kinds of insult to refrain from?"

A muffled voice could be heard from the pillow, but was too quiet to make out. 

"Hmm?" 

Louder this time. "What's even the point? Like I said earlier, we'll never get out, and Caine won't help. How would I even go about, Y'know..." 

Zooble's eyes lit up, like they'd just remembered something.

"Actually, about that... Pomni and Ragatha came by earlier, before you woke up, and they told me something you might wanna hear about." When they clearly had Jax's attention, his face now fully off of the pillow and his head hastily propped up by his arm, his eyes looking at them expectantly, they stood up from the floor and continued. "They found a way to leave the Circus." 

The words didn't register in Jax's mind for a solid 5 seconds after he heard them. 

"Huh?" 

"I said-"

"No no no, I heard you. It's just that I don't get it. How?" 

Zooble began pacing as they explained what they knew. "I didn't get all the details, but I know we need to get into the Chinese Room to start with." He raised an eyebrow. The what? "It's a room that Caine made. basically, he insists on not knowing what's in there, so he really doesn't." Oh, okay.

"Everyone else is in on it already, so I just you should know, and-" They stopped at the bed, kneeling down to be at eye-level. "I promise you, once we get out, I'll help you with anything regarding your transition; clothes, hormones, anything." 

"Wait, really?" Great, Now he's crying. Well, he was crying before, but now he's REALLY crying. Like full on sobbing. He hugged Zooble close. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

Zooble hugged back, but retained their composure this time. "It's okay," They whispered "It's going to be okay, I promise."

When Jax looked into Zooble's eyes, he saw something he wasn't familiar with from them. For the first time, Zooble was smiling at him.

And she smiled back.

~

They remained like that for a while longer, finding a comfortability in the position. 

Eventually, Zooble broke away from the hold, and got back to their feet. They felt conflicted about how adorable the whine Jax let out was.

"I know, I'm sorry but the others are waiting for us. We can't keep them waiting too long." And we can't give Pomni and Ragatha time to spread the RUMOR. They elected not to mention the RUMOR, figuring it would be a pretty hard idea for Jax right now.

Jax gave a small nod before moving to get up from the bed. Zooble held their hand out, and she took it, standing up beside them.

I could get used to this Jax.

"Lead the way, Zoobs." The rabbit gestured toward the door.

There was a mischievous glint in Zooble's eyes. They stepped up to the door, opened it, and held it for her. "Nope. Ladies first~"

Purple turned to a deep shade of red as Jax looked away, Sputtering out a series of "I- Wh- You-"s that made Zooble laugh heartily. "Shut up." Was said with exactly zero venom or malice.

They left shortly after, but Jax lingered behind for a moment, hesitating on something. Zooble noticed, and walked back to ask what was wrong. Before they could ask, though: 

"Jaz." 

"Huh?"

"Earlier, you asked what I'd wanna be called. I like Jaz."

Zooble took her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Jaz." And with that, they set off to meet with the others.