Archive of Our Own ^beta

Louis was at a party.

He hated it, but he couldn’t leave yet. Because it had only been thirty minutes since his arrival, and the omega wanted to prove to everyone and himself that he could do it. No, he wasn’t hopeless. He wasn’t lonely. He wasn’t absolutely dying to go home after being attacked by all the mixed scents here. He could do it. He was normal, an actual normal human being and he could stand being in the same room as other people. Like everyone else here. 

The fact that he was already on his fourth drink didn’t have anything to do with the utter disgust of being in a place like this one. Really. He just enjoyed alcohol. And music. And the sweat that came with being too close to too many people— of course. 

He was fine. He was having fun. His mind reminding him that a certain someone could show up at any time wasn’t making him want to throw up at all. He wasn’t thinking about it while glaring at the betas and omegas dancing in front of him. 

Louis was fine. Maybe a little drunk already, but fine. Being here was an easy task. One that didn't demand too much of his poor and fragile inner omega. 

Dancing, drinking, smoking, laughing…He could do it all. He wasn’t a loner. He wasn’t as fucked up by the breakup as others were saying. 

Of course it hurt, but it was life. Louis was totally moving on from Harry.

Yeah.

Who was he kidding? 

The omega had a hard breathing just thinking about the alpha, in what world would he be able to move on after two years? 

This fuckass party was the worst idea he ever had. 

But, in all honesty, Louis didn’t think it’d be this hard to enjoy himself, even a little bit. He really thought he could do it— he was tired of staying at home, crying and sobbing every time he ever thought of Harry— because a party was supposed to brighten the mood. 

Or, at least, that’s how Louis perceived it before tonight. That’s how it always had been before. When he came with his friends. With Harry. 

At this party though, he was alone. And the omega couldn’t take it— it really fucking sucked. 

So, yeah. He was kind of hiding in a corner, drinks in hands, head almost fuzzy and brain on the verge of giving up. He didn’t know why he was forcing himself to do this, but one thing was sure; he couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t last. 

God, he was already fucking drunk and it hadn’t even started yet. He’d never last until the end of the night, much more less if his fucking mind wasn’t going to shut up about Harry.

Harry.

Louis didn’t want to talk about Harry— they were together, until the alpha decided that they were better off. The end. There was nothing more to say. Nothing more to think about, because it was over. They were exes. That’s all there was to it. 

It didn’t matter if in the back of his mind, the omega was still mourning their relationship. Didn’t matter if he wasn’t alright with them being separated, if he was crying every night— because it was over. They weren’t a thing anymore. Harry had made sure of that. 

But if Louis was here tonight, at this fucking party, it was because of him; the omega was trying to find his oldself back. The one he was before he ever knew what love was. The wild and carefree omega he knew he once was.

He really was trying. He had been, ever since the breakup. But almost a year and a half later, Louis knew he wasn’t making any real progress.

He was just so sad all the time. And so alone, depressed, empty. Every day felt the same, nothing made him laugh anymore, he didn’t see his friends anymore either— it was like a part of him had died that day. 

And call him dramatic all you want, but it was the truth. 

So, yeah. 

Louis decided that a party was maybe the best solution to break free of this vicious circle. Maybe.

Or maybe not. 

Because the one person he didn’t want to see or think about had just entered the door. The one that had made him like how he was today.

Fuck.

Harry was there. In the middle of the room, as if he wanted to be seen— as if he knew Louis was meters away from him, and was trying to hurt the omega by showing off how happy and unaffected he was. He was actually there, his scent mixing with others and his deep voice imperceptible with the loud music still coming from the speakers, his strong body sticking out like a sore thumb next to the omegas and betas he was talking to. He was seemingly laughing, his arms and hands by his sides— because he was always that perfect alpha everyone expected him to be— and his handsome face seemed to be as stunning as Louis remembered it to be. 

He was standing right by the drink table, surrounded by friends and acquaintances and people he didn’t even really know. The omega’s ex was there, not too far away from him, smiling and still sober and charming as ever, and Louis fucking hated it. 

Because he wasn’t surrounded by anyone, wasn’t laughing, smiling, or even talking to anyone in this damn building. God, Louis wasn’t even fucking sober. The only thing he had in common with Harry was that he was standing out in this crowd, but not because of his incredible aura or anything of the sort— no, because he was miserable and drunk and it was visible and everyone who passed him was judging him. But just, fuck them if they did; the omega was sad and alone and drinking his sorrows away, they could go to hell if they had a problem with that.

Seeing the alpha after so much time was a pain. A pain for which Louis’ heart hadn’t been prepared for, and yet, a pain he knew all too well. Because it was the same wounding feeling he had felt the day they had broken up. And the same he had felt all the days that had followed. 

But today, as he was glaring at Harry from afar, the pain seemed to be more suffocating than it had been for the last couple of months. Maybe it was because Louis was drunk, or sad— or both— but when the alpha turned his head abruptly, his eyes obviously searching for something, Louis’ chest felt heavy. And then, he choked on a breath. 

And, all of a sudden, he couldn't breathe. 

He heard himself whine lowly, his hands shaking lightly as he tried to gasp for air. But nothing filled his lungs. Instead, another whine came out, and Louis saw three girls turn their heads towards him— looking at him with confused yet gentle eyes and slightly open mouths, as if they had an idea of what was happening to him and wanted to help. 

But Louis made an exit before one of them could approach him, stumbling out of the room as fast as he could, trying to do so without bumping into too many people when the floor became blurry. And once he was out of the house and far enough from the noise and the smells and the curious glares, he leaned against the brick wall, whining again and closing his eyes so as to not see his whole body trembling. 

He could still feel it, of course. Obviously. Unfortunately. Louis hated it. He hated when his body became this weak, and he couldn’t even figure out why. He hated the feeling of insecurity flooding his veins when it happened, hated when his throat felt this tight, when his eyes became so misty that he couldn’t even see the ground he was walking on. 

Louis hated everything that came with being depressed. 

Or sad. Or drunk. Or with being still in love with Harry Styles, because it was unmistakably the alpha’s fucking fault. As always. Because— yeah, it was always his goddamn fault. Every single time. And just, fuck him. Louis hated him. All of this was Harry’s fault. And who exactly did he think he was? God, what a fucking bastard. The omega hated him— he was humiliating himself every fucking day of the year, just because of this damned alpha dickhead. And did that fuckass know it? No. Fucking no, because he was too busy playing prince charming in front of others. Omegas, betas, alphas; he was mesmerising them all while Louis was at home, crying in front of a mirror that felt way too big for him because he was missing Harry. 

Harry. Fuck Harry. Fuck him. He’s the risk Louis shouldn’t have taken. He’s the biggest mistake, the hugest regret of the omega’s life. They should have never met.

He should have never dated him. 

‘i should have never dated you.’ Louis wrote, then hit send before he could comprehend what he had just done.

The second he did come back to his senses, the message already marked read in blue— and the three grey dots popped out on his screen as soon as his eyes widened. 

Louis didn’t even have the time to turn off his phone before Harry’s reply came. ‘u at the party?’ it read, and the omega let out a nervous laugh.

What kind of dumbass answer was that? Who’d send that after almost two years of no contact? Who’d reply those four stupid words at Louis’ text? And why the fuck was Louis so fucking angry? Better yet— why would he text his ex when he was drunk and sad and so mad? What the fuck was happening? Why was he still here and not at home in his king size bed, sobbing about this whole stupid evening? 

‘no.’ Louis still replied. Then, blaming it on the alcohol, he found himself clarifying. ‘i mean yes, but not exactly.’ He sent, before suddenly frowning, typing furiously on his phone as a new wave of unexplained anger surfaced when he saw Harry’s three little dots dancing on his screen. ‘why r u even asking me that? stop texting me.’ And he hit send, only realising a second later how ridiculous he sounded, messaging the alpha at this hour while he was obviously intoxicated and not in his right mind— just because he hadn’t been able to control himself and his fucking stupid weak brain.

Honestly, it wasn’t much of a surprise when Louis felt tears sliding down his cheeks moments after.

As soon as the first ones reached his chin, he turned off his phone and threw it on the grass that was right in front of him. The phone landed in front of Louis as he slid down the wall, crying while looking at the big starred sky above him. 

He wasn’t bailing his eyes out or anything— though he could have, because he was so damn sad. He was just crying. Silently. Alone. Miserably drunk. It was one tear after another, slowly tracing the same invisible line on his skin. And he wasn’t doing anything to erase it, or to stop them. 

Because, why would he? Louis was wretched. He was depressed, under the influence and, above it all, he was so fucking lonely. And so fucking in love still with an alpha that did not care about him anymore. 

Life couldn’t be worse.

« Louis? Is that you? » A deep and familiar voice asked not too loud, a few meters away from the omega— while he was still crutched down and crying against the brickwall.

Louis closed his eyes, holding a shaky breath in. 

Rectification; Life could become worse. 

The omega stayed silent, praying the alpha would just go away and leave him alone if he didn’t answer. But soon enough, a heavy scent invaded his nose little by little as the person got closer, and he only had the time to sniffle somewhat silently before his name was pronounced again. By the same voice. The same alpha. One he knew all too well.

« Lou? » Harry asked again. Then, as if he had any right to, the alpha murmured: « Darling, is that you? »

Louis opened his eyes.

« Don’t. » He warned in a harsh voice, through the few final tears that traced the invisible line on his cheeks. « Do not darling me. »

And even if Louis was still looking at the night sky, the alpha’s tall figure appeared in his vision when Harry took the last couple of steps that led to him. He didn’t flinch— thought, he almost did when another wave of Harry’s rich scent reached his nose— or glanced at him. He stayed still, silent and unmoving, trying to calm his inner wolf as the alpha felt now way too close. 

« Right— okay. No darlings or anything. Sorry. » Harry apologized. « But can you look at me, at least? »

The omega huffed at that. « Why? » He questioned, gaze still up in the sky. « So I can watch you laugh at how pathetic I look right now? » Louis didn’t see him, but Harry furrowed his eyebrows and clicked his tongue at his answer. « No, thank you. I’d rather not. »

It went quiet for a few seconds. Then the alpha took a step even closer, intruding on Louis’ personal space, and suddenly crouched down to the ground— squatting down next to the omega’s discarded phone. The movement almost made Louis look in front of him, but he succeeded in keeping his eyes up. Until Harry spoke again.

« Do you really think I’d be capable of doing that? » He asked, genuine and hurt by the accusation, his scent spreading everywhere around them— a habit Louis knew the alpha had when he felt upset. 

Louis’ gaze fell on Harry, tired and accusing. « How am I supposed to know what you’d do or wouldn’t do? » He half-murred, blue eyes deep in green eyes.

And, looking at Harry now, under the nightsky, with the bright moon shining right upon them, the omega nearly started crying again. 

It had been months. 

Months since the last time he looked at Harry up close like that, since he smelled his scent without any others mixed to it, since he even talked to him. And right at that very moment, Louis realized how long seventeen months was— for him, for his omega. Because he could feel his skin crawling, itchy and burning while his heart was beating way too fast in his chest, and his breathing slowly speeding up as he watched Harry trying to come up with an answer. 

God, Louis felt pathetic.

« I’d like to think you know me enough— » The alpha replied, eyebrows furrowed, before Louis cut him off.

« We broke up two years ago. » He reminded him, coldly. « People usually change in two years, and I don’t think you’re an exception. » Louis said, his hands barely trembling under the green gaze. « So, no. I don’t know you enough to know anything. Not anymore. »

Harry pinched his lips, nodding absently as he stared at the omega— surely thinking about how Louis was right and about how he should leave him alone now because they had nothing to talk about anymore.

Ah! Louis wished. But Harry leaned his head on the side. 

« Why d’you send me that text? » He asked, finally addressing the elephant in the room. 

The omega flinched. 

Fuck, why did he do that again? Wasn't he drunk when he sent it? What was he thinking about when he typed it? 

« Because that’s the truth. » Louis settled on saying, instead of trying to recall the real reason why.

Harry pinched his lips, taking a deep breath. « Why d’you send it now? » He asked again, not letting any emotions show on his face or in his pheromones— Louis hated it.

He couldn’t tell if the alpha was angry, confused, annoyed or if he was simply asking for the sake of it. And he hated it. Because, Louis didn’t know what to say. The truth? Lies? Both? He didn’t fucking know how to act in front of Harry, or how to answer his stupid questions. And— actually, why was he here? Why was he talking to him? Why wasn’t he inside with all of his other friends? The omega didn’t know. He didn’t know anything. Maybe he was still drunk.

All he knew was that he just wanted to get out of here.

« Go back inside and leave me alone. » Louis let out in frustration. « I didn’t want to see you in the first place. » 

A chuckle. « Well, too bad. Because I was actually dying to see you. » Harry replied immediately.

Louis rolled his eyes, his heart secretly squeezing painfully in his chest. « Sure you did. » He mocked. Then, just because he liked to hurt himself a bit more, he added: « What ? You're gonna say you miss me, now? »

« I do. » The alpha almost cut him off, earnestly. « I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, it actually pains me to see you right here right now. »

The omega froze. 

A silence. And then.

« What? » He murmured, his eyebrows furrowing as he gaped at Harry, his throat suddenly feeling heavy.

The alpha nodded. « I miss you, Louis. » He repeated. « I was dying to see you because I missed— »

Louis got up in a second, taking a step back, scrutinizing Harry hard. What the fuck? 

« What are you saying? » He asked, sounding almost accusing because he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. « What the fuck are you— »

« Lou— » Harry tried.

The omega shook his head. « What are you playing at? Why’re you saying this all of a sudden? Why would you— » He began, but cut himself off when a wave of Harry’s pheromones invaded his nostrils.

Harry took his chance to answer the omega. « I’m not playing, I swear! I miss you. » He insisted, calmly. « And if I’m saying this out of the blue, it’s because we haven’t seen each other in fucking months, Louis— because you’ve been avoiding me like the plague ever since the break up. » Harry reminded him, as if Louis didn’t know what he had done.

« Because you broke up with me! » The omega nearly screamed, to defend himself. « Of course I was going to avoid you, you asshole! You crushed my fucking heart then went away like it was nothing— what was I supposed to do? Act like it was nothing? Like you did? »

The alpha shook his head, getting up as well. « No. That’s not what I meant— »

« God, I’m so sick of this. » Louis interrupted Harry when he felt the tears starting to build up in his eyes, doing everything he could to resist them.

But he didn’t last long, and all he thought of doing when he felt the first drop on his cheek was to run away. From this stupid party, from Harry, from his sudden confession. He just wanted to run away from everything, hide in his bed forever and be forgotten by everyone he once knew in his life. It was going way too fast.

Louis was tired, cold, drunk and depressed. And having Harry in front of him like this, his scent enveloping every part of the omega’s body, was just too much. 

He couldn’t do it. 

« I’m— I’m just gonna go. » He announced, his voice obviously laced with sadness. 

Harry shook his head. « No– Louis, please, let me explain— » He tried.

The omega took a step back, not looking at the alpha anymore because he was ashamed of the numerous tears that were now flooding his cheeks, and sniffled. 

« Bye, Harry. » He said, then turned around quickly; he wanted to go home as soon as possible. 

He only took a step forwards though, before freezing in his walk when the alpha— manifestly panicked at the thought of letting Louis go— spoke again.

« I love you! » Harry said, loud and clear. Miserably honest.

And Louis started sobbing. 

His back facing the alpha, he brought his hands to his own face to try and stop the tears. But it was no use; it just made it worse. 

« Why are you doing this to me? » He managed to whisper through his sobs. « Just…just leave me alone. » 

The omega heard Harry move, and soon enough, he felt a warm body close to his back. Almost touching him, the thick comforting scent smellier than it had been the whole year. So he just cried more.

« Please. » The alpha begged in a murmur. « I need you to hear me out, Lou. Just for two minutes— then I’ll leave alone if you still want me to. I promise. » He said. « But, please. »

Everything hurt, from his heart to his chest, from his eyes to his cheeks. Louis just wanted to go home— really. But, Harry’s scent, his warmth, his pleading voice… The alpha was making it so hard for him to leave. 

And so, Louis was not angry anymore. 

He just felt empty. Like life had just left him there. Void. Emotionless. 

« Okay. » The omega breathed out, because— he had nothing to lose, right? Everything already was a mess; listening to what the alpha had to say wasn’t going to change that. « I’ll hear you out. »

Louis felt rather than hear the breath Harry released, then turned around to face his ex— except, they were way too close to each other, so he carefully took a step back. 

Harry didn’t point it out. Instead, he pointed to a bench on the opposite sidewalk. « Should we go sit down? »

The omega nodded. « Yeah. Okay. »

And so, they strolled towards the bench awkwardly. In silence. Without looking at each other. It lasted around a minute— when they reached it, Louis sat down while Harry stayed up. At a distance, looking rather nervous, but also drained. 

Ha! Louis knew the feeling.

« So— Um, » Harry began, and the omega felt his heart tighten when their eyes met. « Fuck, I don’t know where to even start. » He said. 

Louis tiredly shrugged. « Why did you break up with me? » He asked, going straight for an answer. 

The alpha seemed surprised by the question for a beat, but then he sighed, and took place next to Louis on the bench— observing him, as if he was scared Louis could disappear or run away in an instant when the omega didn’t even have any strength left.

« Makes sense. » Harry mumbled, before clearing his throat and asking: « Just– promise me you’ll let me talk before saying anything? Please? »

Louis nodded.

He just wanted to go home. Why make it difficult?

« Okay, thank you. » The alpha said. 

Then, he took a heavy breath. And he began. 

« Honestly, looking at it now, it was a stupid reason. I could’ve just talked to you about it, and we could have found a way— but what’s done is done. » Louis pinched his lips. « I think I always knew I was a bit…obsessive. Or rather, I knew I was a possessive kind of guy, but I didn't think it'd be that much. Remember when you said you met an old friend? A few days before we broke up? » Harry questioned, and the omega simply nodded. « That’s the main reason why I decided to end the relationship. Well, I mean— no wait, let me explain. » He said hurriedly when he saw Louis furrowing his eyebrows. « You meeting with him was not the problem, let me be clear. What I’m saying is that…what I felt the moment you told me about him … Yeah no, it scared me. Really. That’s something I had never felt, and I didn’t like it. » Harry explained. « I didn’t want to tell you, because I was ashamed, so I figured the best way to…like, protect you, was to break up with you. »

It took a few seconds for Louis to react. 

He gazed at Harry, incredulous, his mind in disarray. He blinked a few times, his mouth gaping, absolutely at loss for words, trying to make sense of Harry’s speech. 

When it clicked in his mind, he laughed. Coldly. « Wait, wait, wait— so you broke up with me because you were too jealous? » He asked. « Are you fucking kidding me? Is that what it is? »

Harry bit his lips. « I mean— yeah, I guess you could find it stupid but— »

Louis cut him off. « Stupid? » He repeated. « God, Harry, it’s not stupid! It’s fucking cruel! » The omega spoke, on the verge of screaming. « Who does that?! Do you even know what you put me through? Just because you were jealous? »

« No, Lou— you don’t understand. I wasn’t just jealous! I was… fuck, I was even scaring myself. » Harry tried. Louis laughed again.

« Well, then tell me! If I don’t understand, like you say, tell me what thoughts made you so scared that you decided to crush my fucking heart, you bastard! »

The alpha stayed quiet for a beat. Then, with a shaky breath falling from his lips, he looked down at the ground.

« I wanted to lock you up. » He admitted in a whisper. « When you told me about that guy, I felt so fucking jealous that the thought of locking you up in my room became unbearable— and I almost did it. The next morning, when you were sleeping, I was so close to locking the door. » Harry took a breath, laughing sadly when he continued. « God, Louis— you don’t understand. I know it sounds silly but it was eating me up from the inside. Ever since the first day of the relationship, I was always jealous because you were so popular with everyone. And— I mean, a part of me was proud of you, of course. But the other part… It was so scary to realise I was having that kind of thought. Locking you up, not letting you speak to anyone— like, what the fuck? » He sniffed. « I just— I didn’t want to become an alpha you’d come to hate. »

Louis, staring at Harry with unreadable eyes, pinched his lips, quiet. 

Like the alpha had just said, what the fuck?

« So, in other words, you wanted to keep me for yourself? » He asked, simply. When he saw Harry open his mouth, he warned. « Just say yes or no. »

«….Yes. » Came the alpha’s answer.

« And you were scared I’d be… grossed out by that? » Louis asked again. « You broke up with me because you were scared of your own thoughts and assumed it’d be the same for me? »

Harry finally lifted his head to try and explain, again. « Louis, I swear— »

The omega cut him off, again. « Yes or no, Harry. »

And, once again. «…Yes. » The alpha let out. « If you put it like that, then yes. »

Louis nearly didn’t hear him, because he laughed like he hadn’t in months all of a sudden. 

Stupid alpha. All of this pain and those tears for nothing. Of course he would have been thrilled to hear that! To Louis, this just proved how much they loved each other. How much they cared about each other. 

What was there to be scared of? Jealousy, possessiveness.. The omega was failing to see where the problem was. As long as it didn’t hurt him, Louis was obviously fine with it— he couldn’t believe Harry didn’t know that.

« Harry. » He called, when his laughter died down. The alpha looked at him, confused. « I’m not scared of your jealousy. I wasn’t, I’m not and I won’t ever be— God, that makes me love you even more, dumbass. Why’d you break my heart just over something so….stupid? »

« Oh. » Harry said. « Oh… So I basically wasted two years worrying for nothing? »

Louis couldn’t help but smile. « Mmh-mmh. »

« Oh. » The alpha repeated. « Well then, please come back to my side? »

« You’re really something else. » The omega said, smiling.

« Is that a yes? »

« Yes. » Louis confirmed. Then decided to warn: « But don’t ever do something like that ever again, okay? Talk to me first— communication is important. »

Harry smiled. 

« Yeah, I promise. »

In the end, Louis was kind of glad he stayed at the party. Because, tangled up in Harry’s sheets for the first time in months, he wasn’t drunk or sad anymore.

And most of it all, he wasn’t alone anymore, either.