Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Charlie: ♫ At the end of the rainbow, there's happiness. ♫

[A human is shown falling down from the sky as a rainbow bursts upwards through the clouds. The scene pans down and silhouettes of many sinners are shown also falling.]
Charlie: ♫ And, to find it, how often I've tried. ♫

[Charlie is seen looking up as a pair of angels appear in front of her. She then looks down, sad. Charlie then turns as her father appears and points away from her. She turns to the direction he’s pointing at.]

Charlie: ♫ But, my life is a race. Just a wild goose chase. ♫

[Camera pans over to where they were pointing at, which shows Hell being circled by Angels.]

Charlie: ♫ And, my dreams have all been denied. Why have I always been a failure? ♫

[A shadow of Lilith looms over a saddened Charlie as demonic arms and tentacles cover the screen.]

Charlie: ♫ What can the reason be? I wonder if the world's to blame. ♫

[The Earth rotates as many eyes begin to surround it.]

Charlie: ♫ I wonder if it could be me. ♫

[The Exorcists are seen smiling deviously as they look down upon the souls they have gotten rid of. The scene turns to black as the camera focuses on the Exorcist's second in command face and halo.]

Charlie: ♫ I'm always chasing rainbows. Watching clouds drifting by. ♫

[The scene fades in on graffiti and signs that say "Punishment" and "Your Days Are Numbered" can be seen throughout Hell.]

Charlie: ♫ My schemes are just like all my dreams. Ending in the sky. ♫

[Charlie heads towards the hotel's balcony as she releases fireworks that signals to the rest of Hell that the Extermination has ended.]

Charlie: ♫ Some fellows look and find the sunshine. ♫

[A handful of demons are seen checking the area to see if the coast is all clear.]

Charlie: ♫ I always look and find the rain. ♫

[Carmilla Carmine opens the blinds to the office, revealing the display of fireworks. The camera then proceeds to show Zestial and Zeezi, as well as a Maestro hiding in the shadows.]

Charlie: ♫ Some fellows make a winning sometime. ♫

[At porn studios, Vox oversees the aftermath whereas Valentino is not amused when he sees that he got a text from his employee.]

Charlie: ♫ I never even make a gain. Believe me. ♫

[Odette and Clara pull out an angelic spear from a corpse and leave as the cannibals waiting nearby pounce on her dead body. Rosie then crosses out Franklin's name from the sign above their business.]

Charlie: ♫ I'm always chasing rainbows. ♫

[A demon can be seen picking up a piece of a corpse and putting it in his meat cart as other demons begin to walk cautiously about in the open.]

Charlie: *in tears* ♫ Waiting to find a little bluebird... in vain. ♫

[Charlie looks back at the Clock Tower as it resets the timer for the next yearly cleanse.]

WELCOME TO THE HAPPY HOTEL

*5 years Later*

[A sinner falls from the sky.]

Four-armed Sinner: Aaaaah! *lands face-first onto the road and is shocked that he is still "alive"* Ugh. Huh? *checks himself* I'm alive! I'm alive-

[He then gets run over by a car driven by Travis, which Angel Dust gets out of]

Travis: Heh. See you tomorrow Angie?

Angel Dust: *pushes his hand through his hair* Yeah, yeah, listen. *Fixes his hair more* Once work is over you can't call me *makes a gesture with his fingers and snaps his fingers at him, smiling*. Ya got it?

Travis: Pfft! Whatever you say, slut! Muhehehehehehe!

Angel Dust: *pretends to be offended* Ouch! Ooh! *turns back to face him* Such an insult! Come to me when you've come up with something creative to call me *looms over Travis and points at him with all his index fingers*, you sack of poorly packaged horse shit! See you tomorrow" *kisses him*, Shnuckums!

Travis: *defeatedly* Pack a - puh...

[As Travis angrily drives off, Angel looks behind him to see a vending machine for his namesake drugs. He goes for the angel dust and just as he gets a hold of it, a random demon runs by and steals his drugs.]

Feathered Sinner: Yoink!

Angel Dust: *annoyed* Hey!

Feathered Sinner: Up yours, drag show!

[A boulder proceeds to fall out of the sky, crushing the feathered demon alongside Angel's drugs. Angel gasps.]

Angel Dust: Oh, my GOD! *leans in to pick up what's left of his pack of drugs with a devastated look on his face* MY DRUGS! *clenches the cloth angrily and looks up* Damn it!
[A war ship can be seen passing by, destroying its surroundings.]

[The camera zooms in on the war ship, revealing Sir Pentious and the Egg Boiz inside.]

Sir Pentious: *operating the controls to his ship* Ahahahahahahahahahahah! Those other cowardly ssssinners dare not hinder my territorial take over! A wise decision! The power of my machines are unmatched! *proceeds to push two levers as his hood flares open* No other demon can compare to the likesss of I!

Frank: Gee! That was pretty swell, boss!

Egg Boi #666: Yeah!

Other Egg Boi: You really showed them what for! I liked when you *his hand mimics the action of a shooting ray gun* shot them with your ray gun! *gets slapped away by Sir Pentious*

Frank: I wish he'd shoot me with his ray gun! *Other Egg Boi pats him*

Sir Pentious: *hood flares open* At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of The Pentagram by day's end! *pushes a few buttons* And nothing, *pulls levers towards him* not a single beast in this inferno of suffering will be able to take back this empire from *squeezes an Egg Boi with his tail* my constrictive grasp!

[An Egg Boi suddenly pops on screen and pops open a bottle of whiskey onto Sir Pent's face. Sir Pent proceeds to swat said Egg Boi aside before throwing the squeezed Egg Boi aside as well.]

Egg Boi #23: Oh, boy!

Sir Pentious: Hell will be mine! And the other overlords will fear the name of Sir Pen-

[Sir Pentious is interrupted by a scream coming from offscreen. Sir Pent and two Egg Boiz become surprised.]

Cherri Bomb: EGGLORD!

Sir Pentious: *offended* Pardon?! *looks around angrily and eyes the two Egg Boiz behind him* Who said that?! What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?! *hisses* Speak up!

The Two Egg Boiz: *petrified* That wasn't us, Mr. Bossman.

[A small bomb with a print of a skull on it breaks through Sir Pent's ship. It then lands right between Sir Pent and the two Egg Boiz. The bomb proceeds to blow up, leaving red smoke behind.]

Sir Pentious: *coughs and hacks*

[As the smoke clears up, the owner of the scream is revealed to be Cherri Bomb as she prepares another bomb in hand.]

Cherri Bomb: You lookin' for another fight, old man?! *begins to juggle around her cherry bomb* How many times do i have to tell you to get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I *proceeds to throw and catch the bomb* smash it?!

[A large pipe falls on top of an already dead Egg Boi, crushing him as Sir Pent and Cherri momentarily look at the carnage.]

Cherri Bomb: *grins sadistically* ....More!

Sir Pentious: Oh! *hood flares open* You wanna go again, Ms. Cyclops?! Well, I'm happy to oblige! Ahahah!

[The logo for 666 News is shown on a black background, which is followed by the day's newscast.]

Katie Killjoy: Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy.

Tom Trench: And I'm Tom Trench! Chaos out at the pride ring today as another turf war is raging on the west side!

[An image of Sir Pentious trying to be hip, followed by a drawing of Cherri flipping the bird is shown.]

Tom Trench: Between two overlords, British extraordinaire , Sir Pentious, and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse, Cherri Bomb!

Katie Killjoy: That's right, Tom! After the recent Extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over the ring are already duking it out to gain new territory!

[A live clip of Cherri and Sir Pentious' clash is shown.]

Tom Trench: Those two seem to be really going at it, huh?

Katie Killjoy: Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail *fishes out a tooth and a nail respectively from her mug of coffee* for that hot spot! *proceeds to swallow said tooth and nail*

Tom Trench: *looking over at the live broadcast focusing on Cherri* And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot! *wiggles eyebrows* Hoohoo!

Katie Killjoy: Haha, you truly are a limp-dick jackass, Tom! Or should I say - *pours scalding hot coffee onto his crotch* no dick?

Tom Trench: *curls over in pain* Ugh...not again!

(The screen shows a picture of Charlie as Tom can still be heard whimpering in pain in the background.)

Katie Killjoy: Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho who's here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more, after the break! *crushes her mug in her hand and turns to Trench who's still in pain* Suck it up, you little bi-!

(The news cast cuts off and goes on a commercial break.)

[The camera pans out from a nearby screen, focusing on Charlie and her girlfriend as she fixes Charlie's bow.]

Vaggie: *exhales* Okay! You remember what to say?

Charlie: *inhales* Yes! Let's do this!

Vaggie: (in a serious tone) Just, look at me and I'll mouth it to you.

Charlie: Come on, Vaggie! I know what to say! I just feel like we need to...I don't know, *grabs and throws a doughnut away* make things sound more exciting! *Gasps* Hooo! What if I si-

Vaggie: *cutting Charlie off* -Sing a song about it?

Charlie: You knew I was gonna say that! *boops Vaggie on the nose*

Vaggie: Because I know you *fixes her bow again*. But, please don't sing! *shakes Charlie* This is serious!

Charlie: Well, you know, I'm better at expressing myself and my goals through song!

[Charlie stands on the table where Razzle and Dazzle are happily munching on doughnuts, watching her.]

Vaggie: But, life isn't a musical, hon. *places hands on hips*

Charlie: Fine. But, I have these other ideas of what to say! *starts bouncing a bit as she shows Vaggie a piece of paper* The highlighted bits are the best part!

Vaggie: Uh, it's all highlighted. *squints* Is this a drawing...?

Charlie: Yes! That's the happy ending, see?! *begins to fantasize* Everyone smiling and happy in Heaven!

Vaggie: *pinches the bridge of her nose* I don't think it's that simple. Just please follow the talking points we went over. And *grabs Charlie to face her* do not sing!

Charlie: Okay, fiiiine. (in a faux British accent) I'll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills! *salutes Vaggie as she walks over to Katie Killjoy*

Charlie: (nervously) Hiii! I'm Charlie. *tries to go for a handshake*

Katie Killjoy: Katie Killjoy. *blows out the smoke of her cigarette* I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, but that would be a lie. *throws away her cigarette* And you can put that away. *gestures to Charlie's hand* I don't touch the gays. I have standards!

Charlie: Yeah? How's uh... how's that working out for ya? [turns to look at the "Hell's #1 News" neon sign behind her]

Katie Killjoy: Look, my time is money. So, I'll keep this short. [proceeds to poke Charlie's chest and nose] You're not here because we wanted you here. You're here because Jeffrey couldn't make it for his cannibal cooking segment.

[A billboard of Jeffrey's cannibalism cooking show titled "It's Dahm Good!" can be seen in the background.]

Katie Killjoy: You might be some royal big shot *fluffs her hair*, but that doesn't mean shit to me. I'm too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon *does air quotes with her fingers* "princess" wants to advertise.

[Tom can be seen shaking his head in disapproval as Katie boasts about her wealth and influence to Charlie.]

Charlie: But, I-

Katie Killjoy: *continues to poke her chest* So, don't get cute with me, honey, or I will fucking bury you!

News Staff: And we're live!

[Killjoy rushes back to her desk, holding papers while cracking her neck.]

Katie Killjoy: Welcome back! So, Charlotte!

Charlie: It's... Charlie. *smiles nervously as a spotlight flashes her way*

Katie Killjoy: Whatever. Tell us about this new passion project you've been insistently pestering our news station about! *tries to hold in her outburst by clenching her pen*

Charlie: *looks around as Vaggie motions her to go on* Well, *clears throat and exhales* As most of you know, I was born here in Hell and growing up, I always tried to see the good in everyone around me.

[Killjoy spots a slug and stabs it with her pen, the slug's blood bursts all over.]

Charlie: Hell is my home and- *gets slug blood splattered across her cheek which she then wipes off* you are my people. We... We just went through another Extermination.

[Vaggie is seen giving Charlie two thumbs up as Killjoy quickly starts to lose interest.]

Charlie: We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. No one is even given *slams fist on table, waking Killjoy up* a chance! *walks up from Killjoy's desk* I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? *walks around the audience* Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption? *throws her arm around one of the News Cast's staff members* Well, I think yes! So, that's what this project aims to achieve! *returns to Killjoy's desk* Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!

[Her broadcast is being shown at The Radio Shack, which many other demons are also watching by the streets and everywhere else in Hell.]

Charlie: *starts to lose her confidence* Y'know? 'Cause hotels are for people passin' through... temporarily...

Lizard Demon: Ahahaha! IS this girl for real?! She thinks- *tries to hold in his laughter* You hear what she thinks?! She thi- HAHA! Ah, she's nuts. *walks out of The Kaiju Klub with his friends, Zeezi and another demon*

Charlie: I think it'll serve a purpose... a place to work toward redemption... yay...!

[The scene cuts back to the demons watching her broadcast from The Radio Shack. A mysterious figure walks up to see her broadcast alongside a bunch of other demons watching, including an imp, a fizzaroli robot, and Hatchet.]

Cameraman Demon: *snickers* Stupid bitch.

Vaggie: *punches the cameraman square in the face*

Charlie: *looks around, saddened* Look, every single one of you has something good, deep down inside. I know you do! ...Maybe I'm not getting through to you.

[Razzle and Dazzle are then alerted that Charlie's about to sing and that she may need their back-up vocals.]

Vaggie: *facepalms* Oh, no...

[Charlie snaps her fingers as the room turns dark and a spotlight is shown over a piano that Charlie, Razzle and Dazzle start performing on. Meanwhile, back at The Radio Shack, Alastor and his shadow can be seen tilting their heads curiously as their smiles widen.]

Charlie: ♫ I have a dream, I'm here to tell! *walks away from the piano as two news staff look at each other* About a wonderful fantastic new *takes out a drawing of the Happy Hotel* hotel! ♫

Charlie: ♫ Yes, it's one-of-a-kind! Right here in Hell, catering to a specific clientele *boops Dazzle's nose*. ♫

Razzle and Dazzle: ♫ Oooh, ooh, ooh~ ♫

[Killjoy is in shock as Trench looks around, confused.]

Charlie: ♫ Inside of every demon is a rainbow *throws her arm around the necks of two bird demons*! Inside every sinner is a shiny smile *passes underneath a hellhound's tail*! Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child *hands the masked demon a sparkling cupcake and pats his head*! ♫

Charlie: ♫ We can turn them round! *turns to Killjoy and Trench* They'll be Heaven-bound! With just a little time, down at the Happy Hotel! *camera pans to the audience where Vaggie stands with a disappointed expression* ♫

Charlie: ♫ So, all you junkies *takes out syringe from a doll demon's head*, freaks *takes a pic with a Siamese twin demon in its cage*, and weirdos *fends off a several-eyed blob demon*. Creepers *stares at a snail demon out the window*, fuck-ups *boops a couch demon on the nose*, crooks, and zeroes *returns the stolen money to charity*, and down-fallen superheroes *throws her hands behind the necks of two supervillain demons*Help is here! ♫

Charlie: ♫ All of you cretins *dips her hair into the water by the pier*, sluts *holds out a pair of panties in disgust*, and losers, sexual deviants *backs away from the sex offenders*, and boozers *turns to face a depressed demon*, and prescription drug abusers *throws away the drugs a blue demon is taking into a burning trash can*, need not fear!

Charlie: ♫ Forever again *A demon lands on a wheelchair and is pushed by Razzle towards Charlie and Dazzle*, we'll cure your sin *shows the demon her clipboard*! We'll make you well *Dazzle injects a happiness serum into the patient*you'll feel so swell! Right here in Hell *briefly turns to her full demonic form*, at the Happy Hotel! ♫

[Razzle continues to aggressively play the piano.]

Charlie: ♫ *slides over to Killjoy's right* There'll be no more fire, *slides over to Trench's left* and no more screams. Just puppy dog kisses *holds a dog close to her face*, and cotton candy dreams *holds out a stick of cotton candy*, and puffy-wuffy clouds *cuddles both the dog and cotton candy*, you're gonna be like "WOW!" *camera pans out showing the clouds forming the word "Wow!"* Once you check in with meee *shows a check-in chart*! ♫

[Vaggie is seen with both her hands covering her face.]

Charlie: ♫ So, all your cartoon porn addictions *confiscates a neckbeard demon's cartoon porn magazine*, vegan rants *confiscates a vegan demon's Hellphone and takes a selfie with it*, psychic predictions *confiscates the spell books and crystal ball of a psychic demon*, ancient Roman crucifixions *avoids running into a crucified demon and knocks over two other crucified demons*, end right here *throws away all the confiscated items off a cliff*! ♫

Charlie: ♫ All you monsters *clenches the hands of two monstrous demons*, thieves, and crazies *points finger guns over a hellhound trying to steal baguettes from Zestial who unfurls his cloak to terrify him*, cannibals *tempts the cannibals with a severed arm on a plate*, and crying babies *looks at a possum mother and her rabid babies, annoyed*, frothing mouths that's full of rabies filled with cheer *pulls a hellhound with rabies close to her*! ♫

Charlie: ♫ You'll be complete *completes a puzzle demon as the camera pans out*! It'll be so neat *a wrecking ball demon destroys the puzzle demon as Charlie gives two thumbs up*! Our service can't be beat *in her bellhop uniform*! You'll be on easy street, yes *hugs three demons, which include Mimzy*! Life will be sweet *turns to her demonic form* at the Happy Hoteeel *twirls happily in flames as she jumps up, revealing a land made of candies and sweets behind her*! Yeah! ♫

[Charlie ends the song, rather exhausted as everyone in the news station looks at her with disgust and disbelief.]

Blitz*o*: Wow! ...That was shit!

[Everyone in the audience including Killjoy and Trench begin to laugh at Charlie. Charlie looks crushed and devastated and slumps back down to her seat. There was a boo section in the news and the demons look uninterested]

HellHound: *deadpan* Booooo!

Katie Killjoy: What in the Seven Rings makes you think a single denizen of hell would give two shits about becoming a better person?! You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good?! Just... because?! *continues to laugh*

Charlie: Well, we have a patron already, who believes in our cause and he's shown incredible progress!

Katie Killjoy: *feigns shock* Oh? And who might that be?

Charlie: *tries to look smug and confident* Oh, just someone named... Angel Dust!

Tom Trench: The porn star?

Katie Killjoy: *turns to him menacingly* You fucking would, Tom! *turns back to Charlie* In any case, that's not even an accomplishment. I'm sure you could get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube *motions doing a handjob*.

Charlie: Oh, I beg to differ! *begins to count on her fingers* He's been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two weeks now.

News Staff: *offscreen* Breaking News!

[Killjoy shoves Charlie off her desk.]

Katie Killjoy: We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let's go to the live feed.

[The live feed shows Angel Dust stepping on an Egg Boi and throwing a grenade over at Sir Pentious with visible laughter in the background as Charlie stares at the screen in defeat.]

Charlie: Oh... shit.

Angel Dust (in the background): I'm a bad person!

Katie Killjoy: "Oh, shit" indeed! It looks like the one who just joined the battle is none other than *feigns a gasp* porn actor, Angel Dust! *turns to Charlie as she shakes her fist* What a juicy coincidence! You must feel really stupid, right now.

[Killjoy and Trench proceed to laugh at Charlie.]

Killjoy and Trench: *does Jazz hands* Ratings!

[Charlie stares at the live feed in distress and attempts to block it from the audience's view.]

Charlie: Don't look at this!

Katie Killjoy: Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival. *looms over Charlie* Tell us, how does it feel to be a total failure? *everyone in room start bursting into laughter*

Charlie: *tries to think of a comeback* Yeah, well... *looks around* How does it feel that I got your pen, huh?! *grabs Killjoy's ballpen* ...Bitch!

[Everybody instantly stops laughing. Katie Killjoy gives her the death stare while Tom Trench looks on in complete shock.]

Charlie: *nervously* Ehehe... *puts pen back down* Oops.

[Tom Trench runs off set.]

[Killjoy's demonic form reveals itself as she looms over Charlie from the shadows.]

[Purplish red smoke transitions into Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb fighting Egg Boiz.]

Cherri Bomb: Heyyy, thanks for the back up, Angie!

Angel Dust: Hahaha!

[Cherri Bomb fires a rocket launcher.]

Angel Dust: You kiddin'? This is the best action I've seen in ages! *puts hands behind his head while closing his eyes*

Cherri Bomb: *launching another cherry bomb* Where've you been, anyway? I thought you up and died or some shit.

Angel Dust: *lighting a bomb and handing it to her* Oh, I wish! I've been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. *his two eyes closed*Some broads are lettin' me stay rent-free if I play nice.

[They both cover their heads as the explosion sets off behind them, then grin at each other as they jump into the field.]

Angel Dust: *Continues to shoot down Egg Boiz with what seems to be a drum mag M1928 Thompson* Y'know, no fights, no pranks, no "problematic language"... Her words, not mine. *steps on a broken tile, launching an Egg Boi airborne and shoots him from behind as he sighs again* These crazy bitches are no fun! I've been clean for two weeks!

Cherri Bomb: *in disbelief, smiling* Ho-ly shit!

Angel Dust: *looks at the leftover smudge on his finger* Well, sorta clean. *destroys an incoming Egg Boi* as you clean can get from a shitload of Bolivian marching powder! *gets chained and thrown aside by Sir Pentious*

Angel Dust: Ohh!~ Harder, Daddy! *raises left eyebrow*

Sir Pentious: *taking it seriously as he gasps* Son?!

[Angel lowers eyebrow as Cherri kicks Sir Pentious to the side.]

Sir Pentious: *hood flares open* Grr! You whores have no classss! In war, The side remembered is the side with the most ssstyle! *adjusts tie*

Cherri Bomb: Or the side that ain't dead! *decapitates an Egg Boi*

Angel Dust: *stands up and removes the chains restricting him* Speakin' a style, is your hat like, alive or something?

Sir Pentious: Oh! Well, that's none of your GOD DAMN BUSSSSINESS! Now, is it?

Angel Dust: Hah, would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?

[A sign that says "Loser" can be seen in the background pointing at Sir Pentious as an Egg Boi acknowledges the roast.]

Egg Boi: *cups hands* Oooooh! *gets pebble thrown at him by Sir Pentious*

Sir Pentious: (enraged) I'm going to blow you to bitssss!

Angel Dust: *eyes him up and down* Hm, kinky!

Sir Pentious: Oh, not like that! *hood flares open as a sign that says "Pussy" can be seen pointing at him in the background* Pervert! *knocks over an Egg Boi*

[Angel notices an Egg Boi with a tentacle launcher which causes him to push Cherri to the side out of fear.]

[Angel gets tangled up in all the tentacles.]

Sir Pentious: Not so cocky now, are we?!

Angel Dust: (unamused) Y'know, you really gotta watch what comes outta ya mouth. I've been making these sex jokes the whole *limbs gets pulled on as Sir Pentious reveals a drill which jump starts* TIME! *reveals his third pair of arms carrying a gun* And it's obvious ya ain't catchin' on. I mean, it's just *pulls out M1928* sad! *shoots it at Sir Pentious*

Cherri Bomb: So, think you're gonna get in a lotta trouble for this?

Angel Dust: Eh, *retracts his third set of arms* What's one little brawl gonna cause?

[Charlie and Killjoy can be seen trying to duke it out on each other like it's some sort of WWE match while a fire alarm goes off in the background with Trench entering the scene, with Razzle and Dazzle biting him.]

Tom Trench: WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME?!

Cherri Bomb: Glad you haven't changed! *slugs him on the arm* You know you're my favorite guy to party with!

Angel Dust: You know it, Aussie tits!

Cherri Bomb: *takes out one last bomb* You ready to finish this?

Angel Dust: *takes out Thompson gun* Born ready, baby!

[Angel and Cherri pounce onto Sir Pentious and his army as they prepare to clash, Charlie and Killjoy are still at each other's throats screaming, Trench is bitten harder by Razzle and Dazzle, screaming in agony. The camera shows all the characters present, screaming as the scene changes]

[The royal family limousine can be seen driving back to the hotel. Charlie can be seen hugging her knees and looking out the window when her jacket is ruined after Katie Killjoy attacked her, while Vaggie sits next to her, glaring furiously at Angel Dust.]

[Charlie sighs as Vaggie's eye twitches at Angel Dust, who can be seen amusing himself by playing with the car window roller repeatedly.]
[Vaggie scrunches up her face.]

Angel Dust: *taking notice* ...What?

Vaggie: "What?", "WHAT?!" What were you DOING?! *rips off bits of her hair*

Angel Dust: *sighs* I owed my girl buddy a solid! Isn't that a "redeeming quality"? *does air quotes* Helping friends with stuff? *rolls eyes*

Vaggie: Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!

Angel Dust: Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred. Ehahahahahah! *inhales* It wasn't that bad, anyway. *proceeds to play with the button of the car window roller*

[Vaggie throws an unfolded pocket knife at the window roller.]

Angel Dust: Aw, come on! I had to! *brushes back hair* My credibility was on the line! I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was tryna go clean? It just throws out my entire persona! *suggestively pushes up chest floof*

Vaggie: Your credibility? What about the hotel's?! *gestures at a defeated Charlie* Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke! *combusts*

Angel Dust: *scoffs* No, no, no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look... uh, sad! *camera pans to Charlie* And pathetic! Like an orphan... with no arms... or legs... Oh! With progeria! *camera focuses back on him* Great! Now I'm bummed thinkin' about it! *starts looking around the limousine* This thing have any liquor?

Vaggie: Can you please just try to take this seriously?!

Angel Dust: *flicks off a dust bunny* Fine, I'll try. Just don't get your taco in a twist, baby! *snaps finger at her while smiling*

Vaggie: *her hands as fists* Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?!

Angel Dust: *groans* Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?!

Vaggie: *returns to sit next to Charlie as she crosses her arms* I'm gonna kill him.

Angel Dust: Too late, toots. You’ll get a good 2 hours before I come back*his two eyes closed while hand on head* Hahahahahahahaha! you're stuck with me, bitch - get used to it. *folds arms confidently while closing his eyes*

Vaggie: *angrily, as she grits her teeth* ¡Con una mierda, malparido hijo de-! (For fuck's sake, you bastard son of-!)

Angel Dust: Listen, *closing his eyes* Who cares if some jack-offs got hurt? *opens his two eyes* Most of 'em are ugly freaks. Look around! *looks out the limousine window, smirking* You got a bunch of Harlequin babies down here! *laughing*

Vaggie: You're one to talk. *smiles smugly*

Angel Dust: Hey! *motions to his body* This body is flawless! Everyone wants summa me, *pushes up chest fluff and takes out a letter* and I've got the creepy fan letters to prove it!

[Takes letter from in between his chest floof and reveals it to Vaggie that features a small picture of a dirty naked old man, who ironically has a "No Angel Dust" tattoo, smothering his mouth on an Angel Dust body pillow and a message at the bottom saying "Show me your feet!! -Bryrin, #1 Fan/Critic".]

Vaggie: Grrr...

Charlie: That was really uncool, y'know, Angel.

Vaggie: "Uncool"?! After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel! *looks toward Angel Dust* All thanks to *points at him* you and your selfish bullshit!

Angel Dust: Does that mean I don't have a free room anymore?

[Vaggie motions "What do you think?"]

Angel Dust: *snaps finger* Ah...well, shucks.

Charlie: Hey, come on. *takes off ruined jacket* We don't know if things are over yet! Try to relax, Vaggie. *puts a hand on Vaggie's left shoulder* I-it'll be okay!
[Vaggie smiles at Charlie softly.]

The limousine arrives at the hotel as the hotel door opens, revealing a very old and dirty establishment.]

Vaggie: *throws herself on the couch, facing the wall* Ugh!

Angel Dust *rummages through the fridge leaning by the wall and grabbing a box of Popsies.*

Angel Dust: Eh, it's probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y'know, to feed all the wayward souls you got in here! Ahahaha! Ahaha...! eh... ah... *he closes the fridge door as he tries to comfort Charlie but decides to back off*

[Charlie exits the hotel and tries to contact her mother.]

Charlie: *sighs* Hey, mom. I know I keep calling and you must be busy... Really busy... But, um, the interview didn't go well, *shrinks to her knees* and... I don't know if I'm ever going to make a difference *starts tearing up as she wipes it off her face*. I don't know what I'm doing. I could really use some advice, mom. I... I think dad was right about this...
Ahah, oof. Eh, anyway... *wipes her face once more* I'll stop talking before this gets long. *stands up* Love you, bye...

[Charlie walks back in and leans by the door in defeat as a sudden knock can be heard from the other side of the door, surprising Charlie.]

Charlie: *contemplates on whether or not to open the door but decides to open it anyway*

[The mysterious figure watching her performance from before can be seen standing before her and Charlie, knowing who he is, reacts with extreme shock.]

Alastor: Hello- *gets door slammed in front of him*

Charlie: *looks to the side for a brief moment before opening the door again*

Alastor: -o!

Charlie: *slams door in front of his face once more* Hey, Vaggie?

Vaggie: *annoyed* Whaaaat?

Charlie: The Radio Demon is at the door!

Vaggie: *sits up* What?!

Angel Dust: *takes out the popsicle from his mouth* Uh... who?

Charlie: What should I do?!

Vaggie: Uh, well- Don't let him in!

[Charlie decides to disregard Vaggie's advice once more and opens the door for Alastor.]

Alastor: May I speak now?

Charlie: You may…

Alastor: *reaches hand out* Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! *pulls Charlie towards him* Quite a pleasure! *lets himself in* Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on a picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Hahahahaha, *plays with his mic staff* sooo many orphans...

Vaggie: *holds a harpoon towards his chest* Stop right there, cabrón hijo de perra (bastard son of a bitch)! I know your game and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you pompous cheesy *Angel's head pops in, unamused* talk show shitlord!

Alastor: *uses finger to move the harpoon away* Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here, *turns into his partial demon form* I would've done so already...

[The screen distorts; cut to Charlie and Vaggie staring at him perturbed as the distortion ends.]

Alastor: No! I'm here because I want to help!

Charlie: Say what, now?

Alastor: *repeats himself* Help! Hahaha, hello? Is this thing on? *taps on his mic* Testing, testing!

Alastor's Mic: *opens its eye* Well, I heard you loud and clear!

Charlie: Um, you want to help? With...?

Alastor: *teleports behind them with his shadow* This ridiculous thing you're trying to do! This hotel! I want to help you host it.

Charlie: Buuut... why?

Alastor: Hahaha, why does anyone do anything? SHEER ABSOLUTE BOREDOM! I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus, *shoves Vaggie offscreen* aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment! Hahaha!

Charlie: Does getting into a fistfight with a reporter count as entertainment...?

Alastor: Hahaha! It's the purest kind, my dear: Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment.

Charlie: So, does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?

Alastor: Hahahahaha! *shakes hand in front of her* Of course not! That's wacky nonsense! *shakes head back and forth* Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No, no, no, no. I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners! *looks over to Angel who just shrugs while Vaggie is still angry about him being there* The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! *puts his arms out, gesturing the entirety of Hell* There is no undoing what is done!

Charlie: So, then. Why do you wanna help me if you don't believe in my cause?

Alastor: Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! *pulls Charlie close to him and twirls her* I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure!

Charlie: *removes his hand from her back* Riiiight.

Alastor: Yes, indeedy! *grabs her by the waist and drags her offscreen* I see big things coming your way and who better to help you than I? *trails off*

Angel Dust: Uh, so... uh, *points by using a thumb while other hand is resting on a sofa while another set of arms are crossed* What's the deal with Smiles over there?

Vaggie: Wait, you've never heard of him before? You've been here longer than me!

Angel Dust: *shrugs cluelessly*

Vaggie: The Radio Demon. One of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?

Angel Dust: *shrugs a second time* Eh, *crosses two arms* not big on politics.

Vaggie: Ugh! *leans in on Angel Dust as she begins her story* Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell.

[Scene changes to a visual presentation of Vaggie's story regarding Alastor.]

Vaggie: seemingly overnight. He began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him "The Radio Demon" (as lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and powerful forces *Shows the other overlords and Ars goetia*. But one thing's for sure: He's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!

Angel Dust: *rests his arm on the sofa* Ya done? *laughs dryly* He looks like a strawberry pimp.

Vaggie: Well, I don't trust him! *with his arms crossed while frowning*

Angel Dust: To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?

Vaggie: *grabs Charlie by the shoulder* Charlie, listen to me. You can't believe this creep! He isn't just a happy face! He's a deal-maker! Pure evil! He can't be redeemed! ...And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we're trying to do!

Charlie: I... *sighs* we don't know that! Look, I know he's bad, and I know he probably doesn't wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance!

[Alastor inspects a portrait of the royal family.]

Charlie: To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can't. It goes against everything I'm trying to do. Everything I believe in. *puts hands on Vaggie's shoulders* Just... trust me. I can take care of myself!

Vaggie: Charlie, whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!

[Alastor makes a gesture with his hand, seemingly focusing on Vaggie.]

Charlie: Don't worry, I picked up one thing from my dad! *imitating her dad's voice* "You don't take shit from other demons!" *walks off to where Alastor is*

Charlie: Okay, so, Al. You're sketchy as shit and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here as a joke.

[As Charlie turns away, glowing red symbols start to appear beside Alastor which quickly disappear after Charlie turns back to Alastor.]

Charlie: But, I don't. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no... *makes gestures with hands* trickster, Voodoo strings attached. [Alastor rolls his eyes at that last statement.]

Alastor: So, it's a deal, then?

[He twirls his mic staff and presents his hand for a handshake as green energy bursts throughout the hotel.]

Charlie: *refusing his handshake* Nope! No shaking! No deals! I... hmm... As princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I, uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel. For as long as you desire.

[A howling wolf can be heard in the background as Charlie looks over to Vaggie for approval.]

Charlie: Sound fair?

Alastor: *rubs his chin* Hmm... *retracts his mic staff* Fair enough!

Charlie: *sighs in relief* Cool beans. *does a thumbs-up by using two hands*

Alastor: Hmm hm hmm hmm... *continues to hum while looking around as he stops in front of Vaggie*. Smile, my dear! *tickles the underside of her chin* You know you're never fully dressed without one! *Walks away as he continues humming* So where is your hotel staff?

Charlie: Uh, well-

[Camera pans to Vaggie who's staring at Alastor dead in the eyes.]

Alastor: *adjusts monocle* Ohohoho, you're going to need more than that. *walks towards Angel Dust* And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?

Angel Dust: I can suck your dick.

[Mic feedback can be heard in the background as Alastor tries to process what he was just offered.]

Alastor: HAH! No.

Angel Dust: *scoffs* Your loss.

Alastor: Well, this just won't do! *takes out his mic staff* I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up.

[At the snap of his finger, a new fireplace has replaced the hotel's worn down one as he approaches it and picks up the mysterious figure covered in soot, which then opens its eye and stares at the trio behind him.]

[Niffty poofs off the soot from her body.]

Alastor: This little darling is Niffty.

Niffty: *drops to the floor, unaffected* Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends! *eyes the three* Why're you all women? *lifts Charlie with no effort* Are there any men here?! *puts Charlie down* I'm sorry, that's rude. *looks around* Oooh, man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! *grabs a spider and crushes it* Which is weird because you're all ladies, no offense. *stares offscreen as she takes out a feather duster* Oh, my gosh! This is awful! *she speed cleans throughout the hotel* Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! *spots a cockroach and stabs it with a sewing pin* Nope!

[The four stare at Niffty as a voice coming from an unknown cat demon can be heard nearby.]

Husk: *lays his cards down the table* Hah! Read 'em and weep, boys! Full Ho- *demonic illusions and voices distort the surroundings temporarily* -tel? What the fuck is this?
*looks around and spots Alastor, eliciting an angry purr as he points at him* You!

Alastor: Ah, Husker, my good friend! Glad you could make it!

Husk: Don't you "Husker" me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot! *the jackpot disappears into nothingness*

Alastor: Good to see you too!

Husk: *facepalms angrily* The hell do you want with me this time...?

Alastor: My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay!

Husk: Are you shitting me?!

Alastor: Hmm... No, I don't think so!

Husk: *shoves Alastor off* You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?! *camera pans to Alastor dusting himself off* You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!

Alastor: *grins as if he's about to laugh* Maybe!

Husk: I ain't doing no shitty charity job.

Alastor: *teleports behind him through his shadow* Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment! *gestures towards the bar he made out of his magic* With your charming smile *pulls Husk's lips into a forced smile* and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend, *walks over to the bar, revealing the soles of his shoes to have deer prints* I can make this more welcoming! ...If you wish. *makes a bottle of "Cheap Booze" appear out of nowhere*

Husk: *stares at the booze for a second* What? You think you can buy me with a wink *winks sarcastically* and some cheap booze?! *grabs the booze and looks at it* ...Well, you can! *downs the booze*

Vaggie: Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! No! No bar, no alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of mouth…brothel…man cave!

Angel Dust: *Launches himself at Vaggie from somewhere off screen* SHUT UP! SHUT! UP! We *points to the bar with all his fingers* are keeping this!

Angel Dust: *starts flirting with Husk* Hey~

Husk: Go fuck yourself.

Angel Dust: *holds Husk's face* Only if you watch me!

Charlie: Oh, my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to *her eyes as stars* love it here! *tries to go for a handshake*

Husk: *reaches for his booze* I lost the ability to love decades ago. *continues to down his booze*

Alastor: So, whaddaya think?

Charlie: This is amazing! *rubs her cheeks excitedly*

Vaggie: *with crossed arms* It's... okay.

Alastor: *reels the two towards him* Hahaha! This is going to be very entertaining!

[He then lets go of Vaggie and summons a fireball, launching it to the hotel ceiling just so he could distract Charlie fast enough for him to shove Vaggie offscreen. He dresses himself in a tux and matching top hat.]

Alastor: ♫ You have a dream! *twirls Charlie and dresses her up* You wish to tell! *turns to Vaggie who's now on the floor* And it's just laughable *turns back to Charlie and tosses her mid-air*. But, hey, kid, what the hell? ♫

[The background behind Charlie changes to neon colored lights featuring two apples and a skull.]

Alastor: ♫ *catches Charlie by the hand as they both tap dance together* 'Cause you're one-of-a-kind! A charming demon belle! *The two slide down the flattened stairs* ♫

Alastor: ♫ Now, let's give these burning fools a place to dwell! *dresses up the rest of the hotel staff except husk who still wearing his suspenders and hat* Take it, boys! ♫

[Shadow demons appear from the floorboards and begin playing their instruments as Vaggie tries to talk to Charlie who is having too much fun. Alastor pulls her in with him and the others as his shadow demons surround them.]

Shadow Demons: Boo!

Alastor: ♫ Haha! Inside of every demon is a lost cause! *puts a fedora on Angel's head and pulls a feather out of Husk's. Angel responds with with a snap of his fingers back at Alastor while Husk flips him the middle finger* But we'll dress 'em up for now, with just a smile! ♫ [He puts a hat and fur on Vaggie and slaps her butt. She throws the accessories to the floor, glaring after him.]

Shadow Demons: ♫ With a smile! ♫

Alastor: ♫ And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair! *kicks off skull which Niffty rushes in and cleans off* And show these simpletons some proper class and style! *summons a shadow clone of himself* ♫

Shadow Demons: ♫ Class and style! ♫

Alastor: ♫ *snaps away his shadow* Oh! Here below the ground, *twirls Charlie and pinches her cheeks* I'm sure your plan is sound! *holds hands with Charlie as they both twirl* They'll spend a little time, down at this Hazbin Ho-

[The hotel door explodes, ending the music and knocking Niffty offscreen. Charlie, Alastor, Angel Dust, and Vaggie look outside.]

[Sir Pentious war ship has made an appearance outside the hotel.]

Sir Pentious: Hah! Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!

Alastor: Do I know you?

Sir Pentious: *ego deflates* Oh, yes you do! *Hood flares open* And this time, I have the element of- *pulls a lever* SURPRISE! Ahaha! I'm so evil!

[With a snap of a finger, an otherworldly dimensional portal opens with tentacles and shadow demons emerging from it, destroying Sir Pentious' ship while he is inside. Alastor can then be seen finishing it off as he clenches his fist with a few drops of blood dripping off his hand. Alastor is then shown grinning menacingly in satisfaction for a moment as the others look at him in shock and horror.]

Alastor: *breaking the tension* ...Well I'm starved, who wants some Jambalaya? My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha!
You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now...

[Alastor uses his magic to change the sign atop the hotel from "Happy Hotel" to "Hazbin Hotel".]

Alastor: (sinisterly) ...Stay tuned. Hahaha...!

[Sir Pentious finally came back to life from the beating served by Alastor with Frank by his side]

Frank: Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?

[Sir Pentious gave a defeated look to the camera]

Chapter Text

[The episode begins with a depiction of the universe, where Heaven lies in the sky with its golden gates shining. The narrator, Charlie Morningstar, tells a story of how entities called angels made the universe.]

Charlie Morningstar: [voiceover] Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light, Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil.

[As the narration goes on, the images show the silhouette of her father, Lucifer Morningstar, making fireworks, which draws the ire of the angels for his behavior.]

Charlie Morningstar: [voiceover] Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for All of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So, he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith, equals as the first of mankind.

[The angels then created a planet called Earth, where they produced the first humans, Adam and Lilith.]

Charlie Morningstar: [voiceover] But, despite this, Adam wanted control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her, and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love.

[Lilith rejects Adam and flees, where she meets Lucifer and falls in love.]

Charlie Morningstar: [voiceover] Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the Fruit of Knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted.

[They came to Adam's new bride, Eve, to offer her an apple from a tree to bring free will to humanity.]

[But the Earth was shattered by darkness unleashed by them. The angels banished Lucifer and Lilith from Heaven and Earth and into the depths of the black and dark realm now called Hell.]

Charlie Morningstar: [voiceover] But this gift came with a curse. For with this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream.

[While Lucifer stagnated, Lilith thrived and brought Hell to new heights, leading the angels to start the yearly Extermination as population control for the overpopulated demons and sinners.]

Charlie Morningstar: [voiceover] But Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. But heaven was threatened by this, So one day 6 years ago heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an Extermination, to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilith's hope remained. And her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell.
[As Charlie finishes narrating, she closes a book titled "The Story of Hell" and looks out to Pentagram City.]

Charlie: Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.

[Charlie somberly looks out the window to Pentagram City burning to the ground, just as Vaggie comes into the room.]

Vaggie: Charlie?

[key Charlie is startled and throws the key down which transforms into KeeKee and scampers away. Charlie turns to Vaggie in surprise.]

Charlie: Aah! Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?

Vaggie: Uh, yeah. I was right there.

[Vaggie points her thumb to the doorway.]

Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps...

Vaggie: *chuckles* I know. Don't worry, I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay? *sits down with Charlie*

Charlie: I'm fine. Just... thinking, ya' know? Family stuff.

Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom yet?

[Charlie shakes her head in dismay.]

Vaggie: Oof… how long has it been now?

Charlie: Not that long, only...six....years, off doing something important, I'm sure! But, this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.

Vaggie: Well, at least you aren't alone.

Charlie: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.

Vaggie: It will. I have faith in you.

[KeeKee leaps into Charlie's arms as Vaggie stands up.]

Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us. *walks out the room*

[As Vaggie leaves, a loud bell rings throughout the city, and Charlie turns to the Bell Tower at Heaven Embassy. She looks on with sadness, knowing that it's another year before the Extermination comes again.]

[The scene turns static before it fixes itself to reveal a sinner stabbing another demon to death with a knife before Alastor caught their attention.]

Alastor: (the camera turns on with static) Well, hello there, you wayward Sinner! Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that?
[As the camera rolls, scenes switch from the front of the Hazbin Hotel]

Alastor: Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption!

[The scene switches to Charlie, and she waves at it before Angel Dust comes into view, putting two fingers over the head prank behind her, to Charlie's interview with Katie Killjoy from last week]

Alastor: Come, place your fate in her inexperienced hands,-

[The camera then takes a picture of her crying as she faces away from her parents, who was in the opposite direction under a spotlight]

Alastor: -as she tries to work through her parental issues,-

[Another picture appears of her showing her plan via a poster to a confused crowd.]

Alastor: -by fixing you!

[The camera goes inside the hotel. The scene pans over to the bartender, Husk, who was clearly drunk, passing out on the counter.]

Alastor: Here we offer fun things, such as somewhat functional staff,-

[Niffty, the hotel maid, tries to stab and chase after a bug.]

Alastor: -and 24-hour pest control.

[The camera switches to a single toilet]

Alastor: Custom rooms, and look at this tacky parlor!

{The camera switches to the lobby, with a support beam falling close to KeeKee, scaring the demon cat before running off]

Alastor: Enjoy a riveting conversation with our singular resident.

[The camera zooms in on Angel Dust, who flips off Alastor]

Alastor: Wow!

[The scene changes to a poor drawing of the hotel by Charlie]

Alastor: All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!

[The commercial ends as Alastor turns off the television.]

Alastor: So, what do you think?

[On the couch, Charlie and Vaggie were surprised by the commercial being poorly misleading and very offensive to their nature, that Vaggie throws a fit at Alastor.]

Vaggie: I'm sorry. What the fuck was that?

Charlie: Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit... off? We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um...

Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.

Alastor: Funny. I was going for hilarious.

Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole damn point.

Charlie: Vaggie is right Alastor, the commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.

Alastor: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But, you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement.

[He taps the television twice with his microphone staff.]

Alastor: So, I had a little fun with it.

Vaggie: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (stands up) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.

[Angel Dust raises his hand from the couch, catching everyone's attention.]

Vaggie: What?

Angel Dust: If you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?

[Angel Dust takes a bottle with one arm before pointing all three arms at himself, but Vaggie doesn't like it.]

Vaggie: Angel, you're a porn star.

Angel Dust: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in.

Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.

Angel Dust: Why not? Sex sells, doesn't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mister fancy talk-creepy voice here, you'd be rollin' in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.

[As he was explaining, Alastor appears right beside the couch next to Angel Dust and laughs with amusement.]

Alastor: Haha! Never going to happen!

Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way.

Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.

[Charlie chuckles nervously until Charlie's phone rings from Lucifer.]

Charlie: Hold that thought! I'll be right back.

Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby.

[While Angel drinks his beer, Charlie breathes nervously and answers the call.]

Charlie: Hello? Dad?

[As Charlie takes the phone call, the scene switches to Vaggie, Angel, and Alastor.]

Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?

Alastor: Oh, trust me,

[Smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic.]

Alastor: -I can.

Husk: Why do you think I'm here?

[The camera moves to Husk at the bar.]

Husk: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me?

[As Husk cleans a bottle, Niffty pops up from behind the counter with a hand raised.]

Niffty: I like being forced.

Husk: Keep that to yourself, Niff.

Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?

Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.

Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.

Vaggie: *sighs* Angel. Let Husk do his job. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.

Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?

Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.

[Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder, giving her a deadpan expression while the latter makes the same one.]

Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.

[The scene comes back to Charlie, and after the phone call, she seemed really happy with the news her father brought to her.]

Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay?

[Charlie hangs up the phone and gasps in excitement.]

Charlie: Yes... YES!

[Charlie giggles in excitement when she hears about the news until she calls Vaggie in gibberish, waving very frantically that freaks Vaggie out.]

Charlie: VAGGIE HOLY SHIT!!!

Vaggie: AH! What?!

[Charlie waves her to come to her for some exciting news.]

Charlie: *mumbling excitedly* get over here!

[Vaggie sighs happily and comes to Charlie while she is jumping around in a very happy mode. As Angel Dust drinks in the background, Vaggie meets Charlie behind.]

Vaggie: What's going on?

[Charlie breathes in and out to calm her nerves so she can explain, but she was explaining so fast due to her excitement.]

Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead.

[Charlie hyperventilates and grabs Vaggie to get up close. Vaggie, however, was confused since the Angels were already done with their extermination and won't be back for another year.]

Vaggie: But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-

[As Vaggie went on, Charlie was in the mood to get her hotel project to work, and remains hopeful that she starts singing.]

Charlie: ♫ I can do this! Somehow, I know it! ♫

♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫

Vaggie: Charlie, hold on...

Charlie: ♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫

♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫

Vaggie: It's just a meeting.

Charlie: ♫To change their minds ♫

♫ And touch their hearts♫

♫ Or... whatever angels have! ♫

Vaggie: This could be bad...

Charlie: ♫Cheer up, Vaggie! ♫

♫ This could be swell! ♫

♫Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell! ♫

Vaggie: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.

[Just before Vaggie could warn her, Angel Dust, Alastor, Niffty, and Keekee were already at the open door where they can see Charlie singing out in the destroyed Pentagram City, as Angel Dust turns back to Vaggie still drinking from a bottle.]

Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street!

Vaggie: Is she—?

Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!

Vaggie: Ugh, no...

[The scene cuts to Charlie making her way down the street, oblivious to the destruction and bodies of dead demons everywhere as she continues to sing her song.]

Charlie: ♫ There's a warm, fuzzy feeling. ♫

♫ That wafts through the air. ♫

♫ Every street so revealing. It's hard not to stare! ♫

[Charlie comes to a window of a sex dungeon where a Hellhound is humping against an imp wearing a sadomasochism mask. They notice her, and Charlie awkwardly flees before continuing to sing.]

♫ It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre. ♫

♫ If you don't mind the smell...♫

[Charlie accidentally steps on a dead shark demon that was releasing a very bad smelly fume into her nose. She cautiously avoids the corpse and presses on the street.]

♫ It's a happy day in Hell! ♫

[Charlie waves at a demon who was holding a newspaper before she catches his attention, revealing himself to be a meth addict with a spoon full of meth.]

♫Hi, mister!♫

(Demon: Go fuck yourself!)

(One demon opens his window, revealing his apartment on fire.)

Demon #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul ♫

(Charlie: Hello!)

Demon #2: ♫ And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! ♫

(Charlie: Ah, excuse me!)

Demon #3: ♫ Doing what is required, we all have our role. ♫

Sinner #1: ♫ I'm not doin' well! ♫

Demons: ♫ Another shitty day in Hell! ♫

(Charlie climbs on the trunk of the destroyed car and faces the other direction.)

Charlie: ♫ If I can show them the dream I've dreamed. ♫

♫ That any soul can change! ♫

(From the Hazbin Hotel, Vaggie comes into the watchtower, as if she's calling out to her girlfriend.)

(Vaggie: ♫ Those angels' minds are hard to change. ♫)

♫ Then they will know everyone can be redeemed. ♫

♫ From the evil to the strange! ♫

(Vaggie: ♫ They're bloodthirsty and deranged! ♫)

♫ I can hear all their stories. ♫

♫ The lost and displaced. ♫

♫ And I know that they're more of an acquired taste. ♫

♫ But! if I open the door and I give them a place. ♫

♫ At my Hazbin Hotel. It'll be a happy day in Hell! ♫

[A truck comes by, and Charlie hitches a ride from behind so she can get around the city such as the porn studios, and the Cannibal Town .]

Charlie: ♫ From the porn studio. ♫

♫ Where the cinephiles go. ♫

♫ To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows! ♫

♫ To the Cannibal Town. Where they don't wear a frown 'cause. ♫

[Charlie was shot in the eye with blood from one of the corpses that the cannibals were eating on.]

Charlie: ♫ Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?! ♫

♫ And I don't give a crow that. His brain's got in my eye! ♫

♫ Cause I know I can spare them. From Heaven's genocide! ♫

♫ I can do this, I just know it! ♫

(Sinner #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul. ♫)

♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫

♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫

(Sinner #2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole.)

♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫

♫ To change their minds. ♫

[Right in the moment, a slug with a trenchcoat comes into picture, exhibiting his nudist body in front of Charlie, which creeps her out.]

(Trenchcoat Demon: ♫ And touch my parts! ♫)

Charlie: Uh... No thank you. I'm just gonna...

♫ Fulfill my destiny!♫

(Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss, bitch!)

♫ I can already tell! ♫

♫ Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell!♫

[Charlie has gotten to right where she wants to be, the Heaven Embassy with the watchtower. She opens the door to peek inside.]

Charlie: Hello! *voice echoes*

[Charlie enters through the door and finds the whole embassy deserted. She walks to the front desk to check in.]

Charlie: Hello? *voice echoes* Creepy...

[Charlie comes to the front desk with no one but a single bell. She taps the bell to ring it, and at the instant, a golden scroll and feather ink pen floats from above over to her.]

Charlie: Oh, okay... *signs it* Also creepy.

[The scroll and feather flies up before disappearing. Right then, the twin doors slide open to show Charlie the meeting room, and she enters inside the dark room with no one around.]

Charlie: Uh...hello? Is anyone here?

[The lights suddenly switched on, revealing two angels at the end of the room, with one being a exorcist lieutenant, Lute and the big boss leader of the Angel Army, Adam, who is eating a rib in his hand.]

Adam: Sup!

Charlie: Holy, shit!

[Charlie immediately fell down after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. She gets back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly.]

Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.

Adam: Yeah, I know.

Charlie: Okay, well.

[Adam eats his rib like a buzzsaw]

Charlie: It's nice to meet you.

Adam: Totally. It's nice to meet you, too.

[Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, her hand slips right through, revealing him to be a hologram, fizzing on and off after being touched, which freaks Charlie out.]

Adam: Ha! I fucking got you. *turns to Lute* Did you see that?

[Lute nods once.]

Adam: Good shit.

[Charlie was trying to get something straight with Adam being a hologram.]

Charlie: Uh...so, wait. You aren't here?

Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? *laughs* No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! It's such a bummer! man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? *chuckles* Ew.

Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-

[Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.]

Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you.

[Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.]

Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.

Charlie: Uh...thanks.

[Charlie goes to take a piece of a rib, but her hand passes right through them, also revealing to be a hologram, as they fizz on and off from the touch, and Adam laughs.]
Adam: I got you again, bitch! *laughs*

[Charlie makes a small unamused chuckle alongside Adam's hyper laughter.]

(The scene cuts back to the Hazbin Hotel, where the workers and residents are summoned by Vaggie to discuss their poorly misleading commercial. Angel Dust is constantly looking at Husk with a seductive gaze while Husk is glaring daggers at him. Vaggie's legs come into the camera before switching back to in person.)

Vaggie: Okay, so, Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. (Turning to Alastor) Alastor?

(Alastor snaps his fingers to conjure up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera is a folding-type old photography camera from the 1930s with no recording films at that time. Vaggie is unamused.)

Vaggie: A video camera?

Alastor: Hmmm.

(Despite his extreme distaste for modern technology, Alastor adheres to Vaggie's request and snaps his fingers again, conjuring up a video camera that's poorly used with pieces of tape stuck together.)

Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!

(The camera switches into the point of view of the video camera recording the bar scene, with Husk behind the counter reading a script in his claws and Angel Dust sitting on a bar stool. The camera whirrs as it brings the two into focus.)

Vaggie: And… Action!

(Husk carefully reads the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to read.)

Husk: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?"

Angel Dust: "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!"
(Husk groans with displeasure and reads the script again.)

Husk: "Well, you come—"

Angel Dust: (moaning) "Oh, yes!"

Husk: (bored) …"to the right place."

(Vaggie has had it, and stops recording.)

Vaggie: Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have the script in front of your face?

Husk: (Angrily) I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!

Angel Dust: Well, we could improv this shit, baby cakes. (gets closer to Husk's face) Rrawwr. (purrs seductively)

(Husk gets irritated by Angel Dust and shoves him off the counter painfully hard.)

Husk: Whoops.

(Husk grabs a bottle and drinks it.)

Vaggie: (Offscreen) Husk, come on.

(Cutting back to Charlie's meeting with Adam, she looked bored, propping herself on her elbows while listening to Adam exaggeratingly boasting about himself and his sex life. The camera cuts to Adam.)

Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some goddamn' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" (pointing to his penis down the table) All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? (Lute shaking her head) No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master! (eats a mouthful of ribs sloppily) So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?

Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh….

(Charlie puts the pieces together, realizing this is the reason why her mother left him, making her wince.)

Charlie: (low voice) That explains so much.

Adam: I know. I fucking rock. (Holds up his hand in the sign of the horns.)

(Charlie brushes off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to her subject of matter in hand.)

Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.

Adam: Call me, Dickmaster.

Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart— (pauses) …well, stand up guy.

Adam: (picking his teeth) Uh-huh.

Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!

Adam: I mean, your words, babe.

Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.

Adam: I love putting my name on stuff! Shit's the best feeling!

Charlie: It's a solution to our biggest problem!

Adam: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.

Charlie: No! Our... other biggest problem.

Adam: Oh…uh..ugly people (Stares at us)? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem.

(Charlie stares at Adam with deadpan annoyance at how ignorant he is.)

Adam: Ummm...

[Cuts back to the hotel. Niffty tries to stab a bug. She tries to stab the bug, but misses, and starts stabbing the bug multiple times before Vaggie stops her]

Niffty: Stab! Stab! Stab!

Vaggie: Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?

Niffty: Got it. I'm ready.

(Vaggie turns the camera to Niffty.)

Vaggie: Action!

[Upon saying action, instead of saying the line, Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera without a breath or blinking from the scene. Vaggie lowers the camera, looking puzzled. Angel also peers in. Close up on Niffty making a blank stare with an ominous shrinking pupil. Angel slowly backs away, already creeped out.]

Vaggie: Uhh, cut.

Niffty: *snaps out of it and back to her cheerful self* (giggles) How was that?

Vaggie: Well, Niffty, you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.

Niffty: Ok!

Vaggie: Action!

[Niffty freezes again, leaving Vaggie irritated, as Angel comes close to her face.]

Angel Dust: *smug* (whisper) You're doing great, Vagina.

Vaggie: (irritated) Cut! Alright, uhh… maybe we can try to… fix it in post.

Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?

Vaggie: *angrily* I'll figure it out!

[The next scene cuts to a dark room with Vaggie sitting in front of a broken TV, watching the poorly edited shots of the commercial. She groans with frustration before Alastor enters the room.]

Alastor: Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hmm?

Vaggie: Ugh, este pendejo (this asshole)... Why are you even here?

[Alastor takes a seat on a couch next to her.]

Alastor: For the entertainment.

[Alastor's shadow slips out of his form before reappearing behind the couch, making laughing gestures.]

Alastor: I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and (shadow disappears) fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!

[Vaggie, getting ticked off by Alastor and his carefree insults, stands up and turns the camera toward him.]

Vaggie: (points the camera to Alastor) And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that—

[As Vaggie is panning the camera scene up to Alastor's face, the video camera glitches violently from green to red and Vaggie freaks out, dropping the sparking camera onto the floor.]

Vaggie: UGH!

Alastor: I wouldn't try that, my dear. (pointing to his face) This face was made for RADIO.

[As Alastor explains, his pupils turn into the shape of radio dials, and the scene goes nearly static before fixing itself back to normal on Vaggie. She has had it with Alastor's insults and walks up to him.]

Vaggie: That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so (imitating Alastor's voice) "entertaining" (back to normal voice) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?

[As Vaggie returns to her chair, Alastor watches her with narrowed eyes.]

Alastor: [shrugging] Fair enough. [approaches her] I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.

Vaggie: Pfft, you think I'm that stupid, making a deal with a demon like you?

Alastor: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.

[Vaggie has second thoughts on letting Alastor do the work for her.]

Alastor: Or…Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.

[Vaggie glances away for a brief moment before making her decision.]

Vaggie: *sighs* Fine.

[Vaggie picks up the camera and places it in Alastor's hand, where green energy skulls start swirling around it.]

Alastor: Now then!

[Alastor evaporates the camera with a clap of his hand, then snaps his fingers, conjuring equipment for a film set, summoning Angel Dust, Husk, and Niffty, and dressing up everyone in the Roaring Twenties. Ink demons are conjured up as additional film crew members.]

Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a damn good commercial

[Cuts to Charlie looking exasperated with another of Adam's sexist rants of women and his masculinity.]

Adam: You know when you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, (high pitched-voice) "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."

Charlie: NO! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!

Adam: Ohh. (pauses, then laughs) Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! (turning to Lute) Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?

Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.

Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.

[Adam raises a fist for Lute to make a fist-bump, which she does.]

Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people. Your children. You know that, right?

Adam: Listen here babe those souls down there aren’t the same as the ones up there. The ones up I consider my children since they did something meaningful with their lives(Barring all the children up there), But the assholes down there did fuck-all and look where they ended up in.

Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.

Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.

Charlie: You really think that.

Lute: I know that.

[As Lute comes around the table, the scene turns slightly darker with ominous red.]

Lute: The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your Hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?

Adam: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.

Charlie: Oh, fuck!

[Charlie rushes to present her plan as fast as she can, summoning a stack of papers to the table.]

Charlie: Okay, I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time, and I feel like you weren't hearing me before, so here it goes. (clears throat)

[Charlie starts singing quickly, pulling drawings from the stack to show them what she means.]

Charlie: ♫ I know Hell's population is out of control. ♫

♫ It's a bad situation. ♫

♫ It's taking a toll. ♫

♫ If we rehab these Sinners. ♫

♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫

♫ At my Hazbin Hotel—♫

[Charlie puts down the drawings she's holding and reaches for another.]

Charlie: Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!

♫ Right! Extermination! ♫

♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫

♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫

♫ And it must be annoying. ♫

♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫

♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫

♫ That trip disappears! ♫

♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫

♫ (deep breath) It'll be a happy day in— ♫

Adam: ♫ Let me stop you right there. ♫

Charlie: Oh—

Adam: ♫ Save us all precious time. ♫

Charlie: Okay...

Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫

♫ Is letting them climb. ♫

♫ Up the ladder. ♫

♫ Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates? ♫

Charlie: Well, uh—

Adam: ♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫

♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫

♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫

♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫

♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫

♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫

♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫

♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫

♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫

Charlie: Okay, but—

Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫

♫ You're wasting your breath. ♫

Charlie: Hehe...

Adam: ♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫

♫ That they don't deserve death?

♫ Are they Winners? ♫

♫ Are they Sinners? ♫

♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫

Charlie: Well, actually, if you take a look—

Adam: ♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫

♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫

♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫

♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫

♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫

♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫

♫ Guitar solo, Hell yeah! ♫

♫ [Adam sings guitar solo] ♫

[Charlie gets up after being knocked down by Adam]

Charlie: Ugh...

Adam: ♫ Hell is forever. ♫

♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫

♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫

[Four golden mirages of Exorcists appear, surrounding Charlie from all sides.]

(Charlie: Where the hell did you people come from?!)

♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫

♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫

♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫

♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫

♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫

♫ Fuckin' Hell is forever. ♫

♫ And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫

♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫

♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot! ♫

[Charlie gets so angry that she turns into her demon form, making a growling noise as she burns the paper she's holding]

♫ Long as I've got your attention. ♫

♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫

♫ That we've made the determination. ♫

♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫

[He brandishes a scroll reading "FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!!"]

Charlie: What?!

Adam: ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫

♫ To slaughter those little cunts. ♫

♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫

♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫

[Despite being a hologram, Adam grabs Charlie and throws her right out of the door. Lute throws her papers after her.]

Charlie: Um, wait, you-you—

[As Charlie tries to get to Adam, the door slowly closes while he continues to do a guitar solo shredding. It fully closes before she can reach him.]

Charlie: [tearing up] Ugh, SHIT!

[Defeated, Charlie slams a fist on the door]

[Charlie sadly returns to the hotel. Vaggie runs to her and hugs her.]

Vaggie: Charlie! How did it go, did they listen?

Charlie: Oh, they sure did… hear it. But, um-

Vaggie: Oh, come here! We have something exciting to show you.

[Vaggie leads Charlie to the group]

Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.

Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!

Charlie: Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?

Angel Dust: Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.

Charlie: *beaming and tearing up* That's... that's amazing.

Angel Dust: Sshh, it's starting.

Vaggie (On TV): Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel -

[TV cuts to a breaking news report]

[Vaggie, Charlie and Angel get annoyed and angrily complain. Niffty claps and giggles.]

Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?

Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?

Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! *Eye twitches*

[Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days until the next Extermination.]

Angel Dust: Wait, what? Why?!

[A drone scours an area until it finds a dead Exorcist with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse.]

Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!

Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry. When we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!

[Adam slams a fist on the projector, destroying it and causing its light to disappear, leaving only Adam's glowing evil smile.]

Chapter Text

[The episode opens with an exterior shot of the Hazbin Hotel before cutting to inside with Charlie pacing back and forth in panic mode. KeeKee was in the shot, walking alongside her owner.]

Charlie: Okay. So, the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year! No big deal, just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half, but who needs a whole year to save souls, am I right?! *Starts to panic* And next time when they cut the time in half again, and again, we'll just handle it, right?!
[Vaggie grabs Charlie, calming her down.]

Vaggie: Yes. We will.

Angel Dust: Oh, please, ya had less than half a chance when you started all this salvation bullshit. And now... (phone vibrates with violent threating messages such as "fucking bitch") Ain't no silver lining this time, toots.

Charlie: Sure there is! We just...have to look a little harder for it!

Angel Dust: Well, while you're lookin', the rests of hell goin' nuts. [Angel waves his phone in their faces.] People are already freakin' out about the news. Look at what's happenin' in the Doomsday District.

[He scrolls down an article with the bottom showing a demon screaming in front of a fire. Suddenly a pink message appears. Charlie gets closer to read it.]

Charlie: Err, what is a... "donkey show"?

[Angel panics and retreats the phone back.]

Angel Dust: Aah, heh, nothin'. My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news too. Like I said, everyone's losin' their shit.

Vaggie: Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate. Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?

Charlie: (Gasps) This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!

Angel Dust: Cute idea and all, but you really gonna go out in all of this? [Waves the phone with the place still on fire and demons in panic.]

Charlie: Well, it's not like people are just gonna show up on our doorstep -

[Suddenly, a massive explosion made Charlie scream in fright from behind, getting their attention. They turn to see a freshly made hole in the wall, then cuts to outside to see Sir Pentious zeppelin armed for battle. The scene cuts inside to see him and his Egg Boiz scattering around.]

Sir Pentious: Show yourself Alasssstor! Come and face-

[Pentious pauses for a moment when he notices Alastor absent from the freshly made hole. He then looks to see him sipping coffee on the balcony of the second floor.]

Sir Pentious: Oh, there you are. Face my wrath!

Alastor: Who are you?

Sir Pentious: Who am I? Who am I?! I am the great Ssssssir Pentiousssss!

[Alastor dissolves into fog as he descends to the ground, materializing aside Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie who are in the scene watching Sir Pentious' zeppelin.]

Sir Pentious: Inventor, architect of dessstruction, villain extraordinaire!

Egg Boi: Ooh! You tell 'em, boss!

[Niffty appears on Alastor's right shoulder, clearly starstruck.]

Niffty: Ooooooh, he's a bad boy~

[Alastor scoops Niffty up and drops her to the ground.]

Alastor: Ha, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you.

Sir Pentious: I attacked you literally last week.

[Alastor cocks his head.]

Sir Pentious: We've done battle, like... 20 times?

Alastor: Well, you must have been really bad at this.

Sir Pentious: Silence! Now cower! For when I've ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal.

[Niffty reappears on Alastor's shoulder.]

Niffty: Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?

Alastor: Oh, nobody important.

[Cut to the Vees' headquarters. A large crowd is in front of a store as they watch an advertisement on the tvs facing the window showing off a spy drone.]

Ad: New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes. Peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish. VoxTek! Trust us with your money!

[Crowd immediately enters the store and stampedes out with boxes with voyeur scopes. then cuts to random people watching their computers laptops and phones, and reveals their eyes signifying the work of hypnosis.]

Ad: This week's episode of "Yeah, I Fucked Your Sister, So What?" is brought to you by VoxTek. Trust us with your entertainment!

[Shifts to tapping fingers as we enter a large room with tvs showing off numerous consumers as "trust us" repeats and overlaps. electricity courses as Vox stands up from his chair laughing maniacally as he gains power from his viewer's consumerism.]

Vox: Muhahaha! Now that's good television!

[Suddenly his screen-face shifts to reveal an icon of Velvette, another one of them Vees, signifying she's calling, with a clown horn ringtone. Vox courses the call from his screen to his hands via his electric powers and transfers it to one of his many screens to reveal Velvette in her studio, her hair into a large ponytail. Vox then sits down on his chair.]

Vox: Hello there, Velvette! How are you this hellish morning?

Velvette: Oh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!

[Vox looks to one of his screens as he gets his coffee cup and drinks from it.]

Vox: Whatever could be the problem, my dear?

Velvette: Your little boy toy is wrecking my department, while I'm trying to pull together a show and-

[Off-screen, we see several workers running and screaming, and objects being tossed, as Valentino is heard cussing.]

Valentino: (In Background) THAT FUCKING BITCH!

Velvette: Just get your ass here, NOW! ...Damn it, Valentino!

[The call ends, and Vox's smile fades away as he gets up sighing, fixing up his bowtie.]

Vox: Oh yeah. And here I go, Valentino. Just another shitty day with Val. Hey-hey-hey. Fuck my life.

[Vox then walks up to a platform, which rises up.]

[Cut to an elevator with a smiling Vox with the world bubble saying "trust us!", before opening to reveal a frowning Vox in the same position, sighing, and then putting on a smile for a crowd of reporters that overlap one another before pointing their microphones to him.]

Reporter: Mr. Vox! What are your thoughts about the new extermination deadline?

Vox: My dear people! We at VoxTek Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation. And now, with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting our focus, to your protection. We are pleased to announce-

[The screen zooms to him and an ad featuring the VoxTek logo, now gold and with angelic wings, with the tagline reading-]

Vox: VoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon! Trust us, with YOUR safety.

[Vox uses his left eye to hypnotize the crowd the same way as his consumers.]

Ethan: Uh sir, when did we begin working on Angelic Security?

Vox: Thirty seconds ago. [walks off] Try to get that bitch Carmilla on the books and cancel all my appointments today. I have a fire to put out upstairs.

[He then morphs his body into electricity and generates itself into the security camera on the wall.]

[Cutting to Velvette's studio. The staff cleans everything up as she looks to four designers holding up dresses to show her]

Velvette: Ugh. No. Unacceptable. You're fired. What is this? WRIST RUFFLES?! Is this 1750?! BURN IT like the witches who wore it!

[As she sends the designer away, Vox appears next to her.]

Vox: Velvette! I can see you're busy. Tell me, where's our hot-headed friend now?

Velvette: Up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down!

Vox: (sighs) And uh, what's got him so out of sorts today?

Velvette: Who knows? But he tore up my best model! And you know, the show can't wait for that unlucky bitch to pull herself back together! Melissa! Get over here!

[Melissa nervously runs onto the platform, and Velvette changes her outfit by swiping her finger, one after another until she spots the one she wants.]

Velvette: No. No. Hideous. I want to die. Eww. (gasp) Yes! That's the one.

Vox: Ahh, looks like you have everything under control here.

Velvette: Of course, I do! Fuck you! (flips him off) Now shoo! Take care of the piss baby!

[Vox goes upstairs and is greeted by two moth demons who open the door for him. Once he enters. he finds Valentino sitting on his couch surrounded by a fog of red smoke. When Val notices Vox, he sits up with fury in his eyes]

Valentino: Fucking FINALLY! [throws the cocktail glass] Kitty! Another drink!

[The Robo Fizz next to him nods as it quickly heads off screen and re-appears with the drink.]

Valentino: Can you believe what that piece of shit did? THE UNGRATEFUL WHORE!!!

[As he speaks, he tosses the drink at Vox, who moves away making the drink, hits the door, and shatters on the floor.]

Vox: Uh, which whore are we talking about this time?

Valentino: *gets up* Fucking Angel Dust! [walks up to him] Who the hell else would I be talking about?! *walks past him* That tranny SLUT walked out on me! [turns to Vox] ME! I fucking made him! *Vox walks a little way away* Without me, he's just a bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes.

Vox: Oh! Angel quit?

Valentino: NO! The bitch didn’t quit! It's worse! [takes Vox's phone] He MOVED!!!

[As he says that, he tosses Vox's phone to the wall making it shatter in half.]

Valentino: He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else? Can you FUCKING believe that?! *walks to closet* He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter!

Vox: Angel is... living with Lucifer's daughter now?

Valentino: YEAH! That BITCH Chuckie or Chandler, or I dunno- Something mannish like that, she's got this hotel and—

[As he speaks, he opens the closet full of guns, drugs, and pictures including a poster of himself. Valentino brings up two long pistol guns: a long revolver and a semi-pistol.]
Valentino: [in a more relaxed tone] Which of these makes me look sexier? *turns to closet*

Vox: Heh. What are you doing, Val? You're not going over there.

[As he speaks, his left eye changes to show his simmering anger, but Valentino is busy loading his guns.]

Valentino: That slippery twink is gonna remember who owns him. I'm gonna FUCK everyone in that rancid shit hole, I swear to god!

[Before he finishes, Vox grabs him by the collar and shoves him to his face, clearly furious while Valentino has a shocked expression]

Vox: *distorted* VAL. *calms down* Hehe. Think about it.

[Vox then walks Valentino towards the window, taking away one of his guns and putting it in his pocket.]

Vox: Our brand is perfection. And what do you think chasing whores around town will do for our image?

Valentino: Um...fuck it up?

[A stereotypical 'winning' ding is played]

Vox: Right! Do you want people thinking you can't control your employees?

Valentino: No!

Vox: Exactly! And hey, you still have him under contract. He isn't going anywhere! Sooo...you should...

Valentino: Do nothing?

[A sound like winning at a casino is played]

Vox: Great idea! Now that's why they pay you the *pinches cheek* big bucks.

Valentino: Ugh, but I really wanted to shoot someone!

[As he speaks, Valentino gets a cigarette holder, and Vox lights it with his electricity powers.]

Vox: Well, lemme call up the lowest earners this month. *walks to TVs*

Valentino: Ohh, you know me too well. *chuckles and blows smoke* Ya know... Angel isn't the only one spending time at this ratty hotel with the devil's princesa.

Vox: Oh, who else is there? Someone who owes you money?

Valentino: *Chuckles* Someone who owes us much more than money... The Radio Demon is there.

[Upon hearing those words, electricity courses through Vox's head, and he scratches the desk so hard it leaves scratch marks. Vox made small ominous chuckles before turning to Valentino, two red lines appear on the left side of his lower lip.]

Vox: (distorted) What did you just say?

Valentino: You heard me.

Vox: Alastor...*walks to him* came back...and he is with Lucifer's *glitches* daughter, and that wasn't the *grabs him by the collar* FIRST GODDAMN THING YOU TOLD ME?!?!?!

Valentino: *frees himself from grip* Hey! killing Alastor is your kink.

[As he speaks, he walks to the desk and turns on the monitor. Vox teleports to the center screen, which is a recording from a VoxTek Voyeur scope high in the sky. The scene, from a drone point of view, showing Alastor using his powers to attack Sir Pentious zeppelin, laughing maniacally as he hears Pentious screaming.]

Sir Pentious: Arrgh! Oh! Please! Stop!

Charlie: Um...Alastor? I think he's had enough.

Angel Dust: Nah. He's got a few more hits in him.

[Sir Pentious falls from the zeppelin in front of Alastor, face first on the ground. Alastor twirls his staff.]

Alastor: Thanks for another forgettable experience.

[An Egg Boi falls and breaks into pieces in front of Charlie.]

Sir Pentious: Thank you... for letting your guard down!

[Using his tail, he grabs a bit of Alastor's suit.]

Sir Pentious: Aha! Yah! Oh, shit...

[Sir Pentious looks up to see Alastor's shadow transform in front of him and Alastor apparently makes an elk bugle. The next shot shows a massive green explosion as Sir Pentious is seen flying off to the city screaming as he disappears from sight.]

Alastor: Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor! Best of luck, chums.

Vaggie: Wait, you're leaving?! Alastor! We need your help! We need you to do your job.

Angel Dust: (gestures to the hole on the wall) We need a wall.

Alastor: Of course! Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?!

[With a snap of his fingers, black ink demons appear with construction tools as Alastor walks away. Angel takes an interest and looks at one of the larger muscular demons, shoving Vaggie away as he walks up to him.]

Angel Dust: *giggles* Hey, sweet cheeks. Whatcha doin' later? I love me a man with a giant... tool.

[The screen zooms out to reveal Valentino scowling at the current events, leaning his face against the screen.]

Valentino: See?! Look how he flirts with that guy, and he's not even paying! Who is that? I'm gonna kill his whole damn family! Vox? (slams his fist on the table) VOX!

[Vox was paying little attention, as his left pupil turns into a tilde as he eyes Alastor leaving, his appearance static and out of focus as the screen becomes a bit static.]

Vox: [glitches] That COON is back!

[Valentino grins as he realizes the situation and walks to him.]

Valentino: Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too.

Vox: It's been six years!

[Valentino leans up to him and pinches his cheek, Vox clearly pissed to care.]

Valentino: You still pissed that he almost beat you that time?

Vox: Uh, FUCK YOU.

Valentino: Just saying. *walks around him*

Vox: Things have changed a lot since he left town!

Valentino: That's for sure.

Vox: I gotta send a message of who's REALLY in charge of things now!

[Vox's face fills the screen as Valentino laughs in the background. The next shot shows Vox grinning as he marches to his chair.]

Vox: ♫ Welcome home! ♫

♫ I'm gonna make you wish that you stayed gone! ♫

[As Vox sings, electricity courses through his arm as he sits on his chair, and turns to face the numerous screens.]

Vox: ♫ Say hello to a new status quo, ♫

[Vox presses a big red button, and 4 cords latch themselves to the ports on the back of his head, connecting himself to his TV networks.]

Vox: ♫ Everyone knows that there's a brand-new dawn, turn the TV OOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!!! ♫

Director: Camera, speeds, rolling in three, two...

Chorus: ♫ Wel-come to the show! ♫

Vox: ♫ Top of the hour and we're discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven-year absence, ♫

♫ Did anybody miss him, did anybody notice? ♫

♫ More on tonight's program. ♫

♫ So, the Radio Demon is back in town! ♫

♫ Why is he hanging around? ♫

♫ What does that mean for your family? ♫

♫ Well, handily, I've got good news! ♫

♫ He's a loser, a fossil, and I don't mean to sound hostile, ♫

Vox & Chorus: ♫ But the demon is a coward! ♫

Vox: ♫ You can take that as gospel. ♫

♫ Pulling my viewers? Impossible! ♫

♫ I'm visual, he's barely audible! ♫

♫ Stop giving him the time of day! ♫

♫ Don't listen to a word he'd say. ♫

♫ I hope he had a nice vacay! ♫

Vox & Chorus: ♫ But he should have stayed away! ♫

[Cut to Alastor who had just finished getting his coat tailored. He notices the crowd watching the advertisement of Vox. He smiles and walks away with an idea. as Vox continues singing.]

Vox: ♫ While he hid in radio, we pivoted to video! [pulls out an uncooked bloodied deer head from an oven caked in blood] Now his medium is getting bloody rare! ♫

[In a hallway in V Tower, Vox jumps, twirls and then pulls Valentino and Velvette towards him]

♫ Hell's been better since he split, ♫

♫ Where's he been? ♫

♫ Who gives a shit?! ♫

[Cuts to Alastor making his reappearance, as he starts his radio broadcast from a radio station attached to the top corner of the Hazbin Hotel.]

Alastor: ♫ Salutations! ♫

♫ Good to be back on the air. ♫

♫ Yes, I know it's been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast. ♫

♫ Sinners rejoice! ♫

Vox: ♫ What a dated voice! ♫

Alastor: ♫ Instead of a clout chasing mediocre video podcast. ♫

Vox: COME ON!

Alastor: ♫ Is Vox insecure, pursuing allure? ♫

♫ Flitting between this fad and that. ♫

♫ Is nothing working? ♫

Vox: IGNORE HIS CHIRPING!

Alastor: ♫ Every day he's got a new format! ♫

Vox: YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE!

Vox & Chorus: ♫ He's the shit that comes before that! ♫

Alastor: ♫ Is Vox as strong as he purports? ♫

♫ Or is it based on his support? ♫

♫ He'd be powerless without the other Vees! ♫

Vox: Oh, PLEASE.

Alastor: ♫ And here's the sugar on the cream. ♫

♫ He asked me to join his team! ♫

Vox: Hold on!
Alastor: ♫ I said no, and now he's pissy! That's the tea. ♫

[As Alastor continues with his radio broadcast, Vox gets so pissed that his screen face starts to glitch and crash as he gets angrier.]

Vox: [Glitches.] ♫ You oold timey PRICK! I'll show y-you suffering! ♫

Alastor: ♫ Uh oh, the TV is buffering! ♫

[Vox couldn't handle his anger, causing him to overload his circuits with static electricity.]

Vox: [Signal breaking up.] ♫ I'LL DESTROY YOOOOU-YOU LIT-T-LE—♫

[Vox's screen face and voice overloads and crashes, before Vox involuntarily lets out an outburst that overloads everything from the TV screens to Valentino and Velvette's phone to everywhere in Pentagram City, causing a hellwide blackout with the exception of the Hazbin Hotel.]

Alastor: ♫ I'm afraid you've lost your signal. ♫

[the camera zooms in on the hotel, and then zooms into Alastor's radio station]

♫ Let's begin. ♫

[Alastor slowly turns into his true demon form with every sentence.]

♫ I'm gonna make you wish that I stayed gone! ♫

[Alastor puts down his staff for the first time in the series]

♫ Tune on in. ♫

♫ When I'm done, your status quo will know its race is run! ♫

♫ Oh, this will be fun! ♫

[Alastor makes one last evil laugh before cutting off Vox's signal throughout the city, leaving the Overlord dismayed that Alastor is still as popular and powerful as he was last time.]

Vox: FUU-UU-UCK!

[The scene cuts to the emergency meeting with Vox, Velvette, and Valentino to discuss a matter with Alastor as a Kitty passes out drinks to each of them.]

Vox: We have a problem. Alastor is getting close to little princess Morningstar, so our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck between Lucifer's *slams the table* BRAT and that smiling freak!

Velvette: Well, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?

[Valentino was putting so much glue on his revolver to decorate with glitter and marbles.]

Valentino: Put something inside them. That's how I get the bitches to behave.

Vox: Well, maybe someone on the inside isn't such a bad idea. Do you think Angel would?

Valentino: That lanky prick won't even return my calls.

Vox: We need someone who Little Miss Bleeding Heart would take in.

Velvette: Someone...pathetic, desperate, with no direct ties to us?

Valentino: I employ every down on their luck loser this side of Hell. Who the fuck is left?

Vox: [Scoffs.] I think I have... JUST the one.

[As Vox slowly turns around, the sharks in the shark tank swim up to his shoulders, his right-hypnotic eye gleaming with a sinister grin for a plan he has in store.]
Back at the hotel, Alastor's black and white demons are currently fixing the hole in the wall as Charlie and Vaggie returns. Charlie throws herself onto a couch, exhausted.]

Angel Dust: Soooo? How'd it go?

Vaggie: [Sighs.] Not a single new recruit.

Angel Dust: Yeah well, who would wanna use their last days not fucking and fighting?

[As Angel checks his phone, Vaggie hears a knock on the front door. She walks over to it and opens the door, only to find Sir Pentious behind it, holding his hat.]

Sir Pentious: Why, hello my dear—

[Sir Pentious is cut off by Vaggie punching him in the face. He falls when Vaggie brought out her spear at him. Sir Pentious cowers in fear with the tip barely at his neck, and holds a peace sign gesture.]

Sir Pentious: Wait, wait, wait! I come in peace. [the 's' sound in 'peace is drawn out, in mimicry of a snake]

Vaggie: What are you doing here?

[Charlie appears behind Vaggie.]

Charlie: Vaggie, what's the problem? [gasps] Oh! Hello again!

Sir Pentious: I didn't come looking for a fight. I uhh... I heard that you're helping people, people who want to be better?

[Charlie lets out another gasp and runs over to grab his hand and lead him to the door of the hotel.]

Charlie: You heard right! Welcome to our home of healing, our resort of restoration, our-

[Angel Dust appears from the door and cuts off Charlie.]

Angel Dust: Are you fucking nuts?! This chump was trying to kill us like literally 6 hours ago! And now you wanna bring him in here to live with us?!

Charlie: Absolutely! This place is about second chances, and who deserves one more than this slithery... slippery... special little man!

Angel Dust: (To Vaggie) Aren't you supposed to protect this place?

[Charlie gives her puppy-dog eyes, begging Vaggie to give Sir Pentious a chance to live in the hotel. Vaggie gives in.]

Vaggie: *Sighs* I guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine, (Sir Pentious' cobra head lifts with anticipation) or even with the war machine. (Sir Pentious' cobra head flaps down with depression, sighing)

[Charlie was so happy that she hugs Vaggie, lifting her up in the process and twirling around once.]

Charlie: Oh! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!

[Charlie leads Sir Pentious to the door inside of the hotel.]

Sir Pentious: Oh no darling! Thank you! You won't regret this.

[Angel follows soon afterwards.]

Angel Dust: Eh, I give you a week, tops.

[Charlie gives Sir Pentious the tour of the hotel, introducing Husk to him, the wall he blew- up before it was fixed.]

Charlie: So, this is the bar and the bartender. This is the curtain, and this is the new wall after you broke the last one, heh, and oh! Oh! This is the-

[Vaggie grabs Charlie to calm her down again.]

Vaggie: Babe, you don't have to show him every detail.

Charlie: Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest!

Angel Dust: Uh, what the hell am I then?

Charlie: Well, you're an important part of our family here Angel, but you uhm, uh...

Vaggie: Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?

Charlie: What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested for once.

[As Charlie walks back to Sir Pentious, Angel Dust looks downtrodden, likely feeling sad about Vaggie's comments and Charlie's unintentional dismissal of him.]

[Niffty is seen playing playing with KeeKee with a string when Charlie and Sir Pentious approach. KeeKee hisses at the sight of Sir Pentious and scatters away while Niffty turns to meet him.]

Charlie: Over here we have our maid Niffty.

Niffty: *Gasps* The bad boy is back!

[Niffty gets up on Sir Pentious and holds his collars, looking at him with insanity in her red eye and a very sadistic smile, which creeps out Sir Pentious.]

Niffty: (creepy whisper) Never leave me again.

Charlie: We're about 80% sure she's harmless, and over here we have- (nearly bumps into Alastor) Oh! Uh, Alastor! Our gracious facility manager! You've met our newest guest Sir Pentious...hehe...

Alastor: Ah yes! You're the one who ruined my coat!

[Alastor's eyes glow red in the dark with a violent temptation to rip him a part.]

Alastor: *in a sinisterly tone* I definitely remember you now.

[Sir Pentious gulps nervously.]

Charlie: Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson! *Clears throat* "How to apologize!" The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong, why don't you give it a try?

Sir Pentious: Yes...uhm... Mr uhm... Radio Demon sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat... uhm... here.

[As a token of apology, Sir Pentious hands back the small fabric he tore from Alastor's coat. Alaster takes it and inspects the damage.]

Alastor: Ah-Ho! Not many people have been able to take even this much off me, (Taking off the radio filter) it must have meant quite a lot to you.

[Despite being generous, Alastor spontaneously combusts the fabric tear into green flames, leaving Sir Pentious and Charlie stunned.]

Alastor: Ah-Ho! Not many people have been able to take even this much off me, (Taking off the radio filter) it must have meant quite a lot to you.

Charlie: Now, with a new resident, I think it's important we all get to know each other! So we are going to play a little game. Everyone, follow me. My name is Charlie *claps twice* I like to sing! *claps twice* and when we get to know each other it's the greatest thing! *claps twice*

Sir Pentious: My name's Sir Pentious *claps twice* I like to build *claps twice* and despite my stupid Egg Boiz, I think I'm very skilled! *claps twice*
[When it was Angel's turn, he looked disinterested, looking up from his phone.]

Angel Dust: This is stupid.

Charlie: This- is not- stupid! *claps twice* It's just a game! *claps twice* Sir Pentious did it well so now please try to do the same! *claps twice*
Angel Dust: I am too sober for this.

Vaggie: Well, get used to it and learn how to play, this is gonna be your whole day! *claps twice*

[The next scene cuts to an act with Angel Dust wearing a trench coat and a hat as he reads a script. Sir Pentious is also acting as an innocent child wearing a sailor suit, licking a comically large lollipop.]

Angel Dust: "Oh, I'm a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs, now, where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?" Wow, who wrote this?

Charlie: It's great right? Keep going!

Angel Dust: "Hey you."

Sir Pentious: "Who, me?"

Angel Dust: "Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some... devil's dandruff??" Oh, for fuck's sake.

Sir Pentious: "Not me! I have to go home and study!"

Angel Dust: "Come on kid, it'll make you cool like me... the crackhead."

Sir Pentious: "The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!"

[triumphant trumpet sting]

Charlie: *stands up and claps* Yes! Oh bravo! Bravo! *chuckles* wow Pentious! At this rate, you'll be redeemed in no time.

Angel Dust: I... I'm going to bed.

[As Angel heads back up to his room, he overhears Charlie congratulating Sir Pentious. Looking back at them, he looks sad.]

Charlie: I am so proud of you Sir Pentious! That was amazing!

Sir Pentious: Thank you! Thank you! You like me! You really like me!

[In Angel's room, Fat Nuggets is asleep on his bed slightly snoring until Angel accidentally throws his coat on top of him. Fat Nuggets grunts and crawls out of the coat, as he watches Angel lie down on his bed. Angel glumly looks at his phone and sees all his voice mails from Valentino. Angel sighs and begins to play them. Valentino's voice mails switch back and forth between a friendly, apologetic tone and a barrage of screams threatening violence.]

Valentino (voice message): Angel baby, come home! It's not the same without you here, I miss you! Come back-, ANGEL, YOU BITCH! IF YOU DON'T COME HOME, YOU'LL BE FUCKING GREASY TRUCKERS FOR THE NEXT YEAR-, Hey, amorcito, I didn't mean to yell, but you know how crazy you make me-, YOU FUCKING SLUT! Hey, Angie! About earlier- -KILL YOUR WHOLE DAMN' FAMILY! Work's really stressful! -COCKSUCKING TRANNY FUCK!

Valentino (disembodied voice): *dead serious* You actually think you can change?

[Red smoke appears from seemingly nowhere, and circles around Angel until Valentino stops talking, ending with the smoke clinging around his neck and chin like hands before fading away.]

Valentino (disembodied voice): Addict trash like you doesn't change. I'll see you soon, baby.

[Angel sighs as Fat Nuggets gets on the bed next to him. Angel gently rubs his head and back.]

Angel Dust: ...Sorry, not now, Fat Nuggets.

[Angel gets up and leaves his room with Fat Nuggets looking worried. Angel goes to Husk's bar, picks up a whole bottle, and starts drinking alcohol. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices something slithering away. He follows, finding Charlie's office door opened, and takes a peek inside. There, he discovers that Sir Pentious is setting up a small camera in one of the bookshelves, a camera that belongs to Vox. Angel realizes what he's been doing and slams the door open.]

Angel Dust: You slippery little shit!

Sir Pentious: *yelps*

Angel Dust: You're working for the Vees? I fucking knew there was something shitty about you.

Sir Pentious: I don't know what you're talking about!...whore cunt!

[Angel, sufficiently angered, tackles Sir Pentious on the ground. He punches him in the face before wrestling with him.]

Sir Pentious: Get your aggressively average body...OFF OF ME!

[Sir Pentious' eyes spiral hypnotic powers to him. Angel becomes momentarily hypnotized.]

Angel Dust: Shit!

[Angel backs away. He then quickly snaps out of it. He now has Sir Pentious cornered. Right then, Charlie and Vaggie woke up after hearing the scuffle.]

Charlie: *Yawns* What's going on?

Angel Dust: This little bitch is a traitor!

Sir Pentious: Preposterous! I would never betray you. You... are my best friends!

[Sir Pentious hugs both girls.]

Angel Dust: Uh huh, then explain this!

[Angel lifts off one of the books to reveal a camera, much to Charlie's shock. Sir Pentious realizes that his cover is blown and scurries away. He brings out his wrist watch to make contact with Vox.]

Sir Pentious: Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort! S.O.S! Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!

[Vox immediately picks up.]

Vox: Pentious? Wait... you were caught?!? It hasn't even been a day!

Sir Pentious: Please! You've got to get me out of here!

Vox: I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple! Do us a favour; if they don't kill you, go ahead and DO IT YOURSELF, you sorry excuse of an overlord!

Sir Pentious: [crying] I... I... Just make it quick I guess... Not that I deserve it.

[Sir Pentious lies on the ground, with Vaggie holding a spear ready to pierce the skull.]

Vaggie: Gladly.

[Right before Vaggie can put him out of misery, Charlie stops her, and starts singing "It Starts With Sorry" ]

Charlie: Wait! ...Pentious?

[charlie extends her hand towards Pentious]

♫ It starts with sorry, that's your foot in the door. ♫

♫ One simple sorry, spoken straight from your core. ♫

♫ The path to forgiveness is a twisting trail of hearts! ♫

♫ But sorry is where it starts! ♫

Sir Pentious: ♫ Who could forgive a dirtbag like me? ♫

♫ I don't deserve your amnesty. ♫

[Angel walks into frame with dual Tommy submachine guns in both hands with Vaggie tailing behind, holding her spear.]

Angel Dust and Vaggie: ♫ Can't we just kill him? ♫

♫ Shoot him and spill his blood? ♫

Charlie: ♫ That's an option you could choose. ♫

Angel Dust and Vaggie: ♫ Works for us. ♫

Charlie: ♫ But who hasn't been in his shoes? It starts with sorry. ♫

Sir Pentious: ♫ Sorry. ♫

Charlie: ♫ Dig down deeper and say one sincere sorry! ♫

Sir Pentious: ♫ I'm so sorry! ♫

Charlie: ♫ And your journey's underway! ♫

Charlie and Sir Pentious: ♫ It'll take time to cover your/my vast multitude of sins ♫

♫ But sorry is where it begins. It starts with sorry. ♫

[As the song ends, Niffty is seen standing in the hallway in her bedwear, disappointed.]

Niffty: I hated that song! Why are you so lame?! *kicks Pentious' tail 'eyes' and walks away* Not a bad boy.

Charlie: *Happily sighs* Good first day! Let's get some rest!

[As Charlie and the others leave with a wrist watch communicator still left in the office, Alastor appears from the shadow of the dark hallway with a malevolent smile. He comes and picks up the watch before contacting Vox on the watch.]

Vox: WHAT?!?
[Vox pauses when he realizes that Alastor is the one calling him, showing fear in his screen face as Alastor laughs.]

Alastor: You'll have to try harder than that next time, ol' pal!

[Alastor crushes the watch with his bare hand as Vox incoherently rages at him as the watch becomes incapable of creating audio, before Alastor retreats back into the darkness, chuckling, as the episode ends.]

Chapter Text

[We open with a shot of KeeKee asleep on the sofa, with Charlie, Vaggie and Razzle and Dazzle putting up a banner that reads "Happy first week, Sir Pentious!"]

Charlie: That looks perfect! Aah! I am so excited that Sir Pentious is staying at the hotel!

Vaggie: Um, Pentious was just trying to take over the city with his weird steampunk bullshit a few days ago.

Charlie: Well, I haven't seen him try to pull any of that here.

[Sir Pentious comes in, rolling in a new machine that his Egg Boiz are sitting on.]

Vaggie: What the hell is that?

Sir Pentious: Oh, hello, purple female. It's my new invention, the Skin Flayer 11,000! I'm really looking forward to shooting the other residents.

Charlie: What? Why?

Sir Pentious: Everyone is being too nice. Obviously it must be a lie. I can sense that they are planning to kill me, but when? How? I must be prepared! Ooh, the new parts of my machine are here.

[Odette and Clara come in, wheeling in boxes of weapons. Sir Pentious slithers over to them.]

Odette: *holds out clipboard* Sign, please.

[Sir Pentious signs the clipboard while Clara wheels in the boxes.]

Odette: Thank you for your business. Enjoy your Carmine purchase.

[Odette and Clara walks out of the lobby as Sir Pentious takes the crate full of parts and weapons for his machine. As he slithers back, Vaggie realizes whom he's buying from.]

Vaggie: Carmine? As in, Carmilla Carmine? You are buying parts from an overlord?

Sir Pentious: Uh, of course. Not only is she one of my co-workers, she is also one of the top weapons dealers in Hell.

Vaggie: Okay, well that stops right now.

[Vaggie takes Sir Pentious's boxes away.]

Sir Pentious: Hey!

Vaggie: You absolutely cannot build weapons in this hotel. No one is trying to kill you. People are being nice because they want you to feel welcome.

[Sir Pentious looks at Vaggie with a wry expression. He peeks over his machine to scowl at the other residents and workers. The camera pans to Husk downing a bottle in the bar, who flips off Sir Pentious. Angel Dust, standing near the bar on his phone, does the same. Niffty, who is dusting a corner of the wall, looks at him and does a sinister-sounding giggle.]

Sir Pentious: Hmm, I have my doubts.

Vaggie: Well, it's true. You have to trust us.

Sir Pentious: But I don't.

Charlie: Well, why don't we focus on that for today's activities?

Vaggie: Not before we lay some ground rules. No more building weapons, no more plotting against other guests, and you need to get rid of these things.

[Vaggie points at Egg Boiz who were on the crate of weapons. 2 Egg Boiz, having a tug-of-war over a laser, accidentally sets it off and blows a hole in the roof, much to Vaggie's frustration.]

Vaggie: Oh! *points at the ceiling* What did I just say? What did I just say?

Sir Pentious: What? Not my little egg boiz. *hugs Egg Boiz* They do my evil bidding for me!

Vaggie: Do you want to stay here and redeem yourself?

Sir Pentious: *narrows eyes* Yes.

Vaggie: Then no more eggs.

Sir Pentious: *with tears in his eyes* All right, eggies. You've got to go. I *sobs* can't keep you anymore!

Egg Boiz: Okay, boss.

[They all follow Vaggie as she wheels Sir Pentious' boxes away.]

Sir Pentious: No, don't resist. This is how it has to be!

[Sir Pentious begins crying as he watches his Egg Boiz walking away. Charlie, looking awkward, pats his shoulder]

[The scene changes to show Alastor in his room, eating a deer carcass with a knife and fork while jazz music plays in the background and the background shows half of the room being a bayou like area. Suddenly, the jazz music stops with a record-scratching sound when Vaggie comes by with the Egg Boiz behind her.]

Vaggie: Alastor!

[Alastor looks surprised for a second and his eyes go from the deer carcass on the table to Vaggie. The other half of his room looks all fancy.]

Alastor: Do you mind? I'm in the middle of breakfast.

Vaggie: Pentious' eggs are all over the place, and I need you to get rid of them.

Alastor: *throws away knife and fork, stands up and summons microphone* Oh, well, in that case, I'd be delighted to!

Vaggie: Humanely!

Alastor: Hmm. Well, that's a lot less fun *eyes glow red and the x appears on his forehead*, but I suppose I can take care of that on my outing today. *walks out of the room*

Vaggie: Great! *looks at deer carcass* That looks disgusting.

[The scene changes back to the hotel foyer, where Charlie and the rest of the hotel's residents, minus Alastor, are, with all of them except for Charlie and Vaggie sitting on a sofa. Behind Charlie and Vaggie is a stage with a banner on it that reads "Trusting 101"]

Charlie: Hi, guys. Thanks for coming! It's been brought to our attention that there may be a little tension in the hotel.

[As Charlie explained, everyone is hating each other or on edge. Sir Pentious grabs Niffty with his tail and tries to shoot her with his ray gun, but Vaggie snatches it out of his hands before he can.]

Vaggie: Tension that can be counterproductive to what we're trying to do here.

Charlie: We think that this group could really benefit from

[The background goes to yellow and Charlie and Vaggie go flying up into the air.]

Charlie: Trust exercises!

Vaggie: Trust exercises. *begins falling* Ah!

[Vaggie falls on the floor as the yellow background cracks and breaks. Charlie pulls Vaggie to her feet.]

Charlie: Vaggie, we rehearsed this. (Sighs) *to everyone else* We're doing trust exercises!

Husk: So, uh, what's with the whole, uhh, this? *gestures to the stage behind Charlie and Vaggie* I'm not about to put on some show for these fucking chumps.

Angel Dust: Oh, I will *puts feet on Husk's legs*, but it's cash up front, and I know that one *points at Sir Pentious* can't afford me.

Sir Pentious: Gross! I'd never think of it, spider!

Vaggie: Right, well, let's get started. Charlie?

Charlie: Actually, I thought maybe you could take the lead on this one. I trust everyone, so maybe you know better on how to build it properly! *walks over to stand by Husk, Niffty, Sir Pentious and Angel*

Vaggie: What? Uhh, I don't know if I'm qualified, uh...,

Charlie: Oh, come on. It'll be easy! I'm sure you can handle this.

Vaggie: Yeah, um, *looks at them. All of them are looking grumpy except for Charlie and Niffty* Sure, I can handle this. No problem.

[Vaggie takes a deep breath and walks down one side of the stage.]

Vaggie: *drill sergeant style* All, right, so we are starting with trust falls! Each of you is going to share something vulnerable with the group about yourself and then fall backwards, while the rest of the group catches you. Got it? Who wants to go first?

Charlie: *raises hand* Ooh, ooh, me me me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

Vaggie: All right, get on up here.

[Charlie runs past Vaggie and onto the stage.]

Charlie: I, I love you guys. Like, really, really love you. *falls backwards*

[Vaggie runs forward and catches Charlie.]

Vaggie: Gotcha!

Charlie: That... felt... good! Angel, why don't you go next?

Angel Dust: Fine. *walks onto the stage*

Vaggie: This time everyone needs to catch him, okay? Unless you want me to hurt you.

[Vaggie takes out a spear as a means of discipline for the others to come closer to the stage.]

Angel Dust: Somethin' about myself, huh? How about this? I LOVE to suck-

[Husk threateningly points at Angel.]

Husk: I swear to fuck if you say dicks!

Angel Dust: -popsicles, ya sicko! Get your mind outta the gutter!

[Angel falls backwards. Husk catches him]

Angel Dust: But, you know, dicks too!

[Husk drops him]

Angel Dust: *to Sir Pentious* All, right, new guy, you're up.

[The room goes dark and melodramatic music plays. A spotlight shines on Sir Pentious.]

Sir Pentious: I... don't want to live without my minions. Nobody catch me! *falls backwards*

[Vaggie and Charlie catch him together.]

Sir Pentious: Damn it all.

Vaggie: That's great. Wow, you are slimy. *drops Sir Pentious* Okay, good job. Uh, Niffty?

[Niffty runs past them onto the stage, giggling manically]

Niffty: Sometimes, I kill mother-bugs in front of their children as a warning to others!

[Upon hearing this and seeing Niffty, the others were disturbed by her sadistic nature . Niffty flings herself off of the stage., but the others actively move out of the way to let her fall on the ground in the face. Despite that, Niffty seems to enjoy that.]

Niffty: *falls on her face* Yay! Pain!

[Niffty, giggling, runs back onto the stage to jump off again.]

Niffty: (Sighs) Pain!

[Charlie and Vaggie walk off to talk privately.]

Charlie: I don't know if this is really working the way we'd hoped. Maybe we should-

Vaggie: Honey, you have to trust me here. I got this, okay? I'll figure something out.

[Angel appears behind them.]

Angel Dust: If you're in the market for some ideas, I've got just the thing for some "trust buildin'".

Vaggie: *sighs* What do you have in mind?

[The scene changes to show a street in Pentagram City. Alastor is walking down the street, closely followed by Sir Pentious' Egg Boiz who are his new minions.]

Egg Boiz: Oh, boy! What's the plan, boss? I like your suit! What are the antlers for? Can I touch your staff thing? Are those your ears or is it your hair? I can't tell!

[Alastor's eye twitches as he walks down the street, a pained smile on his face. A shadowy person watches him from behind before appearing in front of him, revealing himself to be an Overlord, Zestial.]

Zestial: Hark, Alastor. How fare thee this day?

[Alastor makes a radio static sound effect, looking slightly scared]

Egg Boi: Who's that, boss? Want me to rough him up for you?

Alastor: Follow in silence if you value your shell! *taps Egg Boi's shell with his cane before turning back to Zestial* Greetings, Zestial!

[A demon comes out from an alleyway and sees Alastor and Zestial.]

Bowler Hat Demon: Oh, holy shit!

Zestial: Ah, the weather doth become this fine day.

[A hellhound comes out of the backdoor after a fight, and was about to go back in when he notices Zestial and panics before fleeing.]

Hellhound: Whoa! Uh oh!

Alastor: Indeed, looks like we might have some acid rain this afternoon!

[A demon, seeing Zestial, pours gasoline over himself and sets himself on fire, screaming.]

Zestial: If our luck doth hold! I do revel in the screams. How art thou?

{Zestial begins walking down the street with Alastor as tons of demons spot them and hide, run, or avoid getting in their way.]

Zestial: It has been an age since thou hath graced us with thy presence. Some hath spun wild tales of you falling to... holy arms.

Alastor: *laughs* Oh, I just took a well-earned sabbatical, nothing serious. *adjusts bow tie and coat in a window reflection as his eye shift side to side* Though it's fun to keep everyone on their toes! *laughs as a laughing sound effect plays from his microphone*

Zestial: *chuckles* There too hath been rumor of thy involvement with the princess and her recent flight of fancy. Tell me, *cloak flares open briefly* how dost thou fall in such folly?

Alastor: *spins cane* That is for me to know. But please, do guess, I'd love to know the theories! *continues walking*

Zestial: *chuckles* T'would be grander folly by far to assume the workings of your mind, Alastor. Thou hath been naught but an enigma since thy manifested in this realm!

Alastor: Coming from someone as ancient as you, I take that as quite the compliment!

[Alastor, Zestial and the Egg Boiz walk into an alleyway with a row of lifts. The security camera spots Zestial walking in view, but Alastor's image glitches when the camera was on him. Zestial and Alastor gets into one elevator. The Egg Boiz attempt to follow, but Alastor blocks them with his cane.]

Alastor: No, no. I have a very important task for you. Stay here and guard the front until I return.

[The Egg Boiz salute and the lift begins its ascent.]

Egg Boi: Oh, look. Frank is up there. *points to the lift, where one Egg Boi is inside, pounding on the glass*

Another Egg Boi: We have names?

[The lift reaches the top of the building and opens, where Alastor, Zestial and Frank walk out. Frank watches as other Overlords come out of other lifts and go into another room, Zeezi stepping over him due to her massive stature. Frank follows them in and stands near Alastor's seat. Prick and hatchet sit on the other side from each other to prevent fighting. The overlord sitting next to Alastor turns to look at Frank and he waves. She smiles widely at him, showing her pointed, knife-like teeth. Frank hides behind Alastor's chair as Carmilla Carmine walks to the head of the table.]

Carmilla Carmine: Welcome, Hell's sovereign overlords. I've invited you all here because you represent the controlling powers of our city. Together, you own millions of souls. Souls at risk with the new Extermination schedule. *pounds fist on table* We need to discuss what can be done to minimize the impact to our interest.

[Zestial takes his seat.]

Carmilla Carmine: Zestial, so good to see you, my friend.

Zestial: *summons teacup and saucer* Enchanted as always, Carmilla.

Carmilla Carmine: *notices Alastor* Alastor?

Alastor: Yes, I know I've been absent some time. I'm sure you've all been wondering!

Carmilla Carmine: ...Not really. But welcome back in any case.

[Alastor narrows his eyes and looks offended in Carmilla's general direction.]

Alastor: Speaking of back, where are our slithery and explosive friends?

Carmilla Carmine: They have been excluded as this meeting is reserved for high ranking overlords only but anyways.

Carmilla Carmine: This year's Extermination was brutal, far more even than years past. We have assessed that about 58% of the population was lost *slide is projected onto the wall behind her* With the angelic legions now returning twice as quickly, I think it prudent we-

[Carmilla is interrupted as Velvette opens the door and walks in, on the phone.]

Velvette: Yes, I've got it handled, Vox. Are you doubting me? Really? Me? That's what I thought. *laughs* Yes, I know. They're all a joke.*laughs* Thank you, V. See you soon. Kisses, darling.*hangs up and sits down at the opposite end to Carmilla*

Carmilla Carmine: Nice of you to join us, Velvette. Will your... colleagues be joining?

Velvette: No! They have better shit to do than to listen to an old windbag who thinks she's tough shit. I'm here to represent.

Carmilla Carmine: Charming. So, as I was saying, we need to discuss-

[Carmilla stops talking as Velvette waves her hand in the air.]

Carmilla Carmine: Yes?

Velvette: On the subject of discussion...

[Velvette takes out the head of an Exorcist and throws it onto the table. The other overlords look at it and mutter to each other.]

Zeezi: Holy shit!

Alastor: Oh! Tasty...

Carmilla Carmine: *narrows eyes* Where did you get this?

Velvette: We found it during Extermination day. If these Holy Rollers can be killed, the game has changed. *stands on top of table* We can take the fight to them. The boys and I have come up with a full assault plan--

[Velvette stops talking and she and the other overlords look at Zestial, who is sipping his tea loudly and aggressively to drown out Velvette.]

Zestial: If it be true thee and thy colleagues desire to war with such meagre proof, thou art far more... foolish than I bethought.

Velvette: *scoffs* Meagre proof? It's a dead fucking Exorcist. I'd say that's pretty fucking definitive. You going blind, old man?

Zestial: We know not how this perished. Mayhaps t'was not by a demon's hand at all. If we rush to war without knowing, mightn't they purge all of Hell for daring an uprising?

[The other overlords mutter in agreement. Velvette notices Carmilla's expression and smiles.]

Velvette: Oh, I get it. So Grandpa is too pussy to fight, so I guess there's no point, right? *gets up in Zestial's face* Oh, what's the matter, Fossil? Too senile to make a real power grab for-

[Right before she could continue, Carmilla starts to get into her face, expressing outrage while singing, Respectless.]

Carmilla Carmine: ♪ You better show some respect! Check your behavior! No one speaks to Zestial that way! ♪

♪ Did you expect us to sit back and take your, insolent brazen display? ♪

Velvette: *laughs* ♪ You got it twisted, I'm not the one who needs a new attitude! ♪

♪ Maybe you missed it, but I'm that #Bitch and I will do nothing less than what I please, whoo! ♪

♪ I'm the backbone of the Vees, ♪

♪ Mad that I acted respectless? Well, it's cause no one could respect this! ♪

*walks across table* ♪ Sorry, group attendin'! Since when are Overlords too scared to fight? ♪

♪ You're long past trending! Sorry, bae, but I ain't swiping right! You've lost your relevance- ♪

Zestial: ♪ We can't act without more intelligence. ♪

Velvette: ♪ Ugh! No wonder I'm so respectless, I could eat you lot for breakfast! ♪

Carmilla Carmine: ♪ You and the Vees are inane and uninformed! ♪

Smug wannabes who don't heed when you've been warned! ♪

Velvette: ♪ 'Oops!' Did I strike a nerve? ♪

♪ 'Cause when I brought out the angel's head, *throws head across table* couldn't help but observe that your wrinkled face was turning red! ♪

♪ And why are you avoiding war? That's what the guns you sell are for! Thanks to my being respectless, one thing I'm starting to suspect is *gets in Carmilla's face* You know why this angel's headless! Do you have a disclosure? ♪

Carmilla Carmine: ♪ This meeting's over! ♪

[Both Carmine and Velvette glare at each other. The other overlords are all staring at Carmilla and Velvette. Alastor finally decides to break the silence.]

Alastor: That was a productive meeting!

Velvette: Hm. Fine. Safe travels back to the nursing home, fuckers! *walks out the door* Kiss my arse!

[She laughs evilly while she walks out the door.]

Zeezi: *scoffs* What the hell? We literally just got here!

Odette: Mother?

[The overlords all begin to get up and leave. All of them walk back towards the lift except for Carmilla Carmine, Odette, Clara and Zestial, who walk towards another room. Alastor notices this as he is walking towards the lifts.]

Alastor: Hmm. Well that's interesting. *points at Frank with his cane* You, little egg creature. I have a job for you.

Frank: Oh. Yes, boss!

Alastor: Follow them!

[Frank salutes and runs after the overlords who went into another room.]

[The scene changes to Charlie, Vaggie and Angel standing in a BDSM sex dungeon. Slapping noises come in the background. Angel is looking satisfied with himself, Charlie is looking incredibly shocked, and Vaggie looks angry.]

Vaggie: Angel! What the actual shit?!

Angel Dust: No activity requires more trust than BDSM, baby. No bond stronger than those formed through bondage! That's their motto!

[Angel points to a poster on the wall, which does indeed read "No bond stronger than those formed through bondage".]

Charlie: Angel, love the enthusiasm. But, umm, uh, hmmm.

Vaggie: What makes you think anyone would be into this?

[The camera pans to Husk, who is purring as he gets massaged.]

Husk: You know, I, I don't hate this. *chuckles*

[Niffty, near Husk, is wearing a dominatrix outfit.]

Niffty: I'm ready to punish some bad boys! *giggles*

[Seeing Niffty and her outfit makes Husk give up.]

Husk: *gets up* ...Never mind, I-I'm out!

[A demon with snake hair comes up behind Charlie and starts giving her a massage. Other demons begin coming towards Charlie and rubbing themselves against her]

Charlie: Okay, hello there. Hi. Um. Hm. Hm,

[Vaggie pulls Charlie away from the other demons.]

Vaggie: Ugh! I can't fucking believe I let you drag us here, Angel. This is disgusting.

Charlie: It's no big deal, Vaggie. You know, maybe I can just help, uh-

Vaggie: No. I told you you could trust me, and I'm not going to let you down. [walks away from Charlie] I just need to teach them, the way I was taught...
[As she said this, Vaggie smiles with excitement when she has the perfect trust exercise for all of them.]

[The scene changes to the group standing on a rooftop with half-destroyed buildings all around them. Everyone was shocked that the exercise had taken them to a live turf war battlefield with guns blazing in the background, demons screaming, and explosions booming.]

Charlie: *shouting over the other demons' screaming* THIS IS HOW YOU LEARNED TO TRUST PEOPLE?!

[On the ground, demons are shooting each other, brawling with weapons, and one demon was on fire, screaming and running around while others are still enjoying the carnage.]

Prick: Yee-haw!

Hatchet: I can go all night long, baby!

Prick: Giddy up, bitch!

[Back at the rooftop, Vaggie makes a drill sergeant march.]

Vaggie: *drill sergeant style* There is nothing stronger than the trust between comrades in arms. Buckle up, buttercups, because today you boys become men!

[There is a loud explosion in the background, sending shockwaves that sways Vaggie's hair with a satisfying smile. Vaggie advances on Sir Pentious]

Vaggie: You, *picks up Sir Pentious*

Sir Pentious: Wait, wait! I can't fight without my minions-

Vaggie: Are gonna survive together!

[Vaggie throws Sir Pentious off the building before turning to Angel Dust]

Vaggie: And you, (Angel Dust: D-don't you even think about it-) are gonna make this hotel work!

[As part of their trust exercise and Angel's punishment for the BDSM sex dungeon suggestion, Vaggie takes Angel up and throws him off of the roof.]

[Niffty bounces next to Vaggie, her arms raised with excitement., and psychotically smiling with anticipation.]

Niffty: My turn, my turn!

[Vaggie picks up Niffty as Husk goes back into the inside of the building, not wanting to get involved and realizing how far this exercise has gone. Vaggie makes to throw Niffty, but Charlie snatches her up before she can.]

Charlie: Vaggie! No!

Vaggie: This is the only way they'll learn, Charlie.

Charlie: No, it's not. *puts down Niffty* There are other ways. It just takes time!

[As Charlie talks to Vaggie, Niffty looks back at Charlie, asking to be lifted. When Charlie ignores her, Niffty jumps off of the building herself. In the off-screen background, Sir Pentious, Angel, and Niffty are being heard fighting against hordes of demons.]

Vaggie: Time we don't have! How many Exterminations will have gone by before these idiots get their shit together? How many times will we have to watch your people be killed before we make headway? *turns away from Charlie*

Charlie: Vaggie-

Vaggie: I took charge today and it all went sideways. I'm supposed to make your dreams a reality. I'm supposed to protect you. *takes Charlie by the shoulders* I'm supposed to never fail you. *goes back to the edge of the rooftop*

Angel Dust: *in the background* I BLAME YOU FOR THIS, YOU CRAZY BITCH!

Charlie: You didn't fail me. Vaggie, you're not-you're not-

Vaggie: If I can't help you, what's the point of me?

Charlie: *gasps* Vaggie, don't say that! You do so much! It's-

Vaggie: I'm sorry. I'd... I'd like to be alone for a minute.

[As Charlie walks to the other side of the rooftop, an exhausted Angel comes out of the door, carrying a battered, but intact Sir Pentious, before he throws him onto the roof.]

Angel Dust: Made it!

Charlie: *walks to door* Let's go home, guys.

Angel Dust: Ugh! I just walked up all those stairs!

[As Angel pulls Sir Pentious back down the stairs, Vaggie stays on the rooftop by herself, looking at all the destroyed buildings around her.]

[The scene changes to show Carmilla Carmine, Odette, Clara and Zestial all in a room together, with Frank spying on them from behind a pot plant. Carmilla mutters in Spanish as she pours herself a drink, before beginning to down the bottle instead of the glass she poured for herself.]

Zestial: Carmilla, what troubles thou? Losing thy composure is unlike thee.

Carmilla Carmine: *sighs* It's nothing, Zestial, really.

Zestial: The felled angel... t'was by thy hand, was it not?

Carmilla Carmine: Let's not talk about it.

Clara: Mom, maybe he should know.

Carmilla Carmine: Nobody should know. I did what I had to do. I am not discussing this.

Zestial: *lays hand on her shoulder, before singing in a soulful tone.*

♪ What weighs on your soul, old friend? I implore you to share the load! ♪

♪ If it was thou who slew the angel, why not let your strength be known? ♪

Carmilla Carmine: ♪ I always thought... ♪

♪ That I would keep blood off my face. ♪

♪ But when that thing attacked, I had to act, to cross that line and keep them safe. ♪

♪ But if anyone knew, then all of Hell would rise to war, and who's to say? ♪

[a guitar begins playing as Carmilla's Voice raises]

♪ Who'd survive the fray? I might lose the ones that I'd been killing for! ♪

♪ So, I'll *Clara and Odette come over to her and she wraps her arms around them* I'll be your keeper! ♪

♪ Do whatever it takes, I'll make the mistakes! ♪

[Carmilla is also speaking to Zestial in the next line, who seems surprised that Carmilla wants to keep him safe as well]

♪ I'll keep you safe and keep this secret. ♪

[The scene changes to Vaggie, now at the foot of the hotel and beginning to climb up it]

Vaggie: ♪ When I saw your face, you made me feel like a stranger in a brand new place ♪

♪ And it felt so good to be understood! ♪

♪ But there's so much I wished that I could say ♪

♪ So I, I'll be your armour ♪

♪ Do whatever it takes, I'll make the mistakes ♪

♪ I'll spend my life being your partner ♪

♪ Carmilla Carmine: And I don't know what we might face ♪

♪ But I know I can't replace you ♪

♪ So I'll do anything to save you ♪

Vaggie: ♪ And I will try to make your dreams come true ♪

Both: Whatever we go through

♪ I know I ♪

(Carmilla Carmine: ♪ I'll be your keeper ♪)

(Vaggie: ♪ I'll be your armour ♪)

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

(Carmilla Carmine: ♪ I'll make the mistakes ♪)

(Vaggie: ♪ I'll make the mistakes ♪)

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

[The scene changes to the Egg Boiz scavenging for weapons, parts, and garbage in a dumpster.]

Egg Boiz: Ohhhh, this one smells like fun *laughs* Oh, I love garbage.

[The elevator door rings, and Alastor is waiting for the Egg Boi, Frank, to return after spying on Carmilla and Zestial. He's about to join the others when Alastor stops him.]

Alastor: So, what did you hear?

Frank: First, the old guy w-was all, "Y-you're not yourself. You're the one who killed the angel," a-a-and, she was all , "♪ Whatever it takes ♪"

Alastor: And then what was the last thing?"

Frank: She killed the angel?

Alastor: Interesting. Let's keep this between us *makes a evil grin that statics the whole screen for a brief moment* Shall we?

Frank: [unfazed] You got it, boss!

[Frank salutes to Alastor.]

[Back at the inside of the hotel, Charlie looks down after a disastrous trust exercise. Vaggie came on the balcony to see her.]

Vaggie: *waves* Hey.

Charlie: *waves* Hey.

Vaggie: *sighs* I'm sorry I got so crazy today.

Charlie: *grabs Vaggie's hand* No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put pressure on you. We work as a team. I guess I just thought all this would be easier, but, we'll figure it out, together. I mean, look what your exercise did for them.

[The camera pans over to Angel, Sir Pentious, and Niffty laughing amongst themselves after one crazy battle against the demons in a turf war.]

Angel Dust: *laughs* And then, when that buff guy started beating the shit outta you!

Sir Pentious: *laughs* Yes, and with the dismembered arm, *laughs* Yes, that was... particularly unpleasant. (dejected)

Niffty: *giggles* I liked that part *giggles*

Husk: Well... hey, at least you can take a beating like a champ. *comes over and pats him* You did okay, new kid.

Sir Pentious: ...Really? Oh well, I suppose I did get into a little of the old, rough and tumble today. *laughs* And uh, thank you for pulling me out of there.

[Everyone laughs with enjoyment, but Niffty slightly ruins the moment by continuously laughing manically, causing the other three to stop and witness her insanity.]

Vaggie: Well, how about that?

[The front door opens, and Alastor enters the hotel with the Egg Boiz minions tailing behind him. Vaggie notices them and calls out to Alastor.]

Vaggie: Alastor. failed to get rid of the eggs, I see.

Alastor: Yes, well, the little monsters prove to be rather useful.

[At the end of the sentence, Alastor glows with excitement over the new information he received about the overlords.]

Vaggie: Why don't you give them back to Pentious.

[Upon hearing this, Sir Pentious gets teary when Vaggie is allowing him to keep his minions.]

Sir Pentious: *teary* Really?

Vaggie: Yeah. After today, I guess I can trust you with them. But seriously, no more weapons.

[At the last part, with every word, the camera zooms with every sword sound at her narrowing eyes, showing how serious Vaggie is about no more building weapons.]

[Sir Pentious gets emotional and slithers down to hug his Egg Boiz as Alastor walks away.]

Sir Pentious: Ahhh! My eggs! Yay. Ah, it's so good to have you back. *drops the Egg Boiz* Now, go clean my quarters this instant!

[At his command, the Egg Boiz immediately scatters away as Charlie and Vaggie watched them leave.]

Charlie: Maybe, things 'll move faster than you think.

[At the end of the day, Sir Pentious is seen getting ready for bed in his room with his Egg Boiz in tow and pajamas.]

Sir Pentious: Ah! How was your day with Alastor, my minions?

Frank: It was awesome boss, I went to this meeting and there was a knife lady, an old guy, and a dinosaur!

Sir Pentious: Mmm, that's nice.

Frank: And the knife lady killed an angel! And I... was not supposed to talk about it.

[Sir Pentious does not believe him at all]

Sir Pentious: Oh, I'm so sure and maybe you'll meet Martians tomorrow, but now is time for sleep. Good Night Eggies.~

[The Egg Boiz roll over to Sir Pentious and cuddles together as Frank yawns to sleep, and the episode ends.]

Chapter Text

[The episode opens with Angel Dust waking up in a dimly lit room, tied up to a chair. He tries to budge free, but fails. His captor paces around him.]

Captor: Finally awake, Angel Dust?

[Angel glowers, but eventually regains his confident smile.]

Angel Dust: Yeah, and what's it to ya?

[Captor holds a knife against Angel's face.]

Captor: I want you to tell me where your boss stashes his vault!

Angel Dust: [laughs, unbothered] It's hilarious you think I'd tell you anything.

[The captor grabs Angel off the ground by the neck.]

Captor: Fine. I guess I'll just have to fuck the information outta ya.

Angel Dust: [Stares defiantly] Do your worst.... [Breaks into a seductive smile.] ...daddy~

[The captor rips his shirt open and engages in sexual intercourse with Angel, revealing this is a porn film played on the hotel's TV.]

Angel Dust: [On TV.] ...Ohhhh, yeahhh, baby!

[Cuts to Sir Pentious and Charlie watching creeped out, Vaggie annoyed, and Niffty rather interested and enjoying the film.]

Angel Dust: You know, this performance won me a 'Sex-x-xi' award!

Charlie: It's, uh... very... honest...? Oh! [She turns away, nauseous. She tries to shield her eyes with her right hand.]

Vaggie: Ew!

[Charlie peeks from her fingers back at the TV screen, before turning her head away to avoid watching, with her hand covering her mouth this time.]

Angel Dust: [On TV.] Oh, harder, daddy!

Vaggie: Okay! Enough of that.

[Vaggie tries to help Charlie by covering the side of her face with her own hand so she doesn't have to see the TV screen. She turns her head to Angel Dust with a disapproving and unamused stare.]

Vaggie: Angel, what the hell?

Angel Dust: What?! You said it was "Show n' Tell" day. I'm showin' you my best film, and I'm tellin' you that it scored me a win over that bitch, Tiffany Titfucker.

[Husk is seen cleaning and wiping a wine glass.]

Husk: Ya know, not a very convincing interrogation scene.

Angel Dust: [laughs, angry] Alright, dickhead. What makes you think you have any right to insult my work to my fuckin' face?

Husk: You really gonna sit there and act like these scripts ain't hot garbage?

Angel Dust: [Gasps] How dare you. This is classy art! [Gestures with two hands at the TV screen.]

Angel Dust: [On TV.] OH! FUUUCK!!

[Co-star slaps Angel's butt and bites it. Sir Pentious covers his eyes when he sees this, while Niffty lies on her stomach on the table with a smile, kicking her legs back and forth as she continues watching.]

Husk: That's bullshit. You get drunk and bitch about them all the time. Everyone likes to bitch to the bartender. I know everything about you and these motherfuckers at this point. [Gestures to Sir Pentious] That one. That one is an insecure buffoon whose lonely ass watches you idiots sleep! [Vaggie pounds her fist into her palm and glares at Sir Pentious as Husk gestures to Charlie] Princess, is a bleeding heart who wants to solve everybody else's problems 'cept her own.

Charlie: What?! No, I-- what? Pffff, no, no... [Vaggie just stares at her silently.]

Husk: [to Vaggie] This one, [She turns her attention away from Charlie and scowls at Husk, growling under her breath.] judges everyone and everything because she hates herself.
[Vaggie frowns before groaning.]

Husk: [Gestures to Niffty who smiles mischievously.] And Niffty? Heh... You don't even want to know what her deal is.

[Husk drinks from his bottle of whiskey/wine he is holding as Angel laughs and kicks his legs.]

Angel Dust: You weren't kidding! Oh ho, wow!

[Angel laughs in front of Vaggie's face briefly while she is still frowning before sitting himself down on the couch's arm.]

Angel Dust: Kitten's got claws~!

[He gestures claws with his hand while looking to the side at Husk flirtatiously, causing his eyes to widen and his eyebrows to raise at that. Angel places his hand underneath Husk's chin, turning his head to face him closely as his hand adjusts against his cheek with his other holding the bottom of Husk's hand.]

Angel Dust: [Sexily] Meow!

[Husk immediately breaks away from his grasp and points at Angel with his index finger, rather annoyed, causing Angel's eyes to widen and eyebrows to rise in surprise from the sudden move.]

Husk: And you! [Scoffs] Don't get me started. I see right through you and all this bullshit and how fake you are.

Angel Dust: Oh ho ho, me? Fake? Wow, I had no idea. Guess that's why I'm an actor, dumbass. And-- [Phone vibrates and rings.] Hold that thought. [Answers the phone.] Hello? Uh, yeah I'm-I'm... No, No, I just, I... [Nervously.] No, I-I'm not... But, uh... Yeah, I'll be right there. [Hangs up.] Well, uh... Looks like Val needs me for an... Uh-- emergency shoot!

Husk: Uh-huh, sure.

Angel Dust: You know what? Fuck you. I don't give a shit what some drunk ass bartender thinks a' me. [Pulls out shades from chest fluff.] So why don't you just crawl back to whatever cave you came from, porn critic. [Husk grows annoyed at his comment as Angel flips him off, putting on his shades. Husk growls and glares at him.]

Charlie: [Sprints after Angel] Angel, you can't leave yet! [Tries to stop him from leaving by taking his hands and gently leading him back to the lobby.] We haven't finished our exercises for the day!

Angel Dust: I'm sure you'll manage without me. [Walks back over to the door to leave, grabs the handle, and opens it.]

[Charlie sprints back after him and closes the door with her back, trying to block him from leaving.]

Charlie: There isn't much time left for the hotel to prove itself-

[Angel places his hands on his hips and waist, growing annoyed and facepalming, trying to remain calm before taking off his shades with one hand, and placing another on Charlie's shoulder.]

Angel Dust: Dollface, it's my job. I know you want to fix everything but unless you can fix my boss, there's nothing you can do.

[Charlie frowns at what he said Angel moves her out of the way to the door, opens it, puts his shades back on, and slams the door and leaves.]

Charlie: Uuugh, why is this so hard? What am I doing wrong?!

Vaggie: Well, I mean... You're the princess of Hell.

Charlie: So?

Vaggie: So, you don't really use the power that comes with that, which I love about you, but maybe you can... I don't know, command a little more... Authority?

Charlie: [Whines] But that's so mean...!

Vaggie: It's not mean, exactly. It's... uh, aggressive kindness.

Charlie: Okay... I could be so aggressively kind to Angel's boss... That I convince him to let Angel spend more time at the hotel!

Vaggie: Sure, whatever gets you there, babe.

[Cuts to Angel working at the porn studio. Valentino supervises and Travis appears as a director.]

Angel Dust: Ohhh! Daddy, I... uhhhh... Uhh...

[Angel reaches behind and underneath one of the pillows and grabs a paper to re-read the script before scoffing.]

Angel Dust: Do you really expect me to memorize this whole script?

Valentino: Just improv it. Do you think anyone watches for the dialogue? [points to Travis, who nervously smiles and shakes his head.] Action!

[A gang of four demons slam the door open and enter the room, preparing to initiate the sex scene as raunchy music plays.]

Angel Dust: Oh, no. So many burglars... [Sexily] and only one me! Whatever shall I do? [Angel quickly glances back at the script before hiding it and setting it aside.] I guess I'll have to do all of you!

[One demon grabs and pins Angel to the bed.]

Angel Dust: Ohh! So what are you gonna do ta' me...

[Angel hears the door squeak open as Charlie suddenly enters the studio. His eyes widen in a panic.]

Angel Dust: [shocked] Charlie?!

Rocky: Uh, my name's Rocky.

Angel Dust: [Pushes Rocky off of him and the bed, sitting up.] No one gives a shit.

Charlie: Oh, so this is where the magic happens! [As Charlie looks around she nearly bumps into a female Hellhound actor who just got done taking her bra off. Charlie blushes and shuffles back quickly and awkwardly from how close she accidentally was to her.] Oh, wow, that is-- [Charlie gasps and her blush disappears as she sees another male actor get slathered in mud.] That is a lot..! [Angel then appears, putting on a robe and gently takes Charlie by her hand diverting her attention while he still sounds panicked.]
Angel Dust: What in the ever-loving fuck are you doing here?!

Charlie: I am the Princess of Hell, Angel, and I go where I please. [Whispering softly.] I'm here to get you some time off for the hotel. Now, where's your boss?

[Just as Charlie looks around and is about to walk away, Angel tries to gently but firmly grab her by the hand and pulls her away, frightened.]

Angel Dust: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are going nowhere near Val--

Valentino: Angel! What is the fucking hold up?!

Angel Dust: I'm coming!

Valentino: Not off-camera, you're not!

[Angel gently pushes Charlie back towards the door and opens it as she stands there.]

Angel Dust: [Panicked, talking fast.] Please, please, just wait, wait until I'm done working and we will talk about this, I promise. But first, you've gotta go-

Valentino: [Appears behind Angel as he flinches.] Aaaah, Your Majesty!

Angel Dust: [Whispers.] Oh, shit.

Valentino: [Walks over to them.] Welcome to my humble sex dungeon. [He pushes Angel behind him as he bends down and leans towards Charlie.] What can I do for such a... [He takes Charlie's left arm and pulls up her suit sleeve as he lecherously licks and slurps Charlie's arm, leaving a trail of his saliva.]

Charlie: [Grossed out.] Ah, uh, no, thank you.

[Angel looks away, disgusted.]

Valentino: Mm! Lovely specimen! You don't want a role, do you? Because I can make you a star, make us both richer than, well, your papito--

Charlie: [Backs away, shocked and disgusted.] Fuck noooo! Uh, I-I'm sorry. I have come to aggressively, kindly speak with you about Angel.

[Valentino stiffens slightly when she mentions that, eyes narrowed and an eyebrow raised in suspicion. Angel waves his hands and gestures for her to stop from behind him.]

Charlie: Later, of course. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of your work.

[Valentino snaps his head to the side, peering over his shoulder and scowls at Angel as he grows more worried.]

Valentino: Well then, make yourself comfortable, Your Majesty, and enjoy the show. [Motions the film crew back to the shoot as he walks back to his chair and sits beside Travis.]
Well, let's take this shit from the top!

Travis: [Laughs] Action!

Angel Dust: Oh, wow, mister robbers. I sure hope you don't hurt me with those... Big guns of yours.

Rocky: Don't move, you spicy little, uuh, cock sleeve or else I'll... [Pans to Charlie whispering to the cameraman about the hotel.]

Charlie: [whispering] ...We do trust exercises everyday in the morning...

Valentino: [shouts] Cut! What the fuck is going on with this?!

Charlie: Ooh! I'm sorry... Were we too loud? I was just telling him about the Hazbin Hotel!

Valentino: [Fakes a smile.] Not at all, Princess! [He glares and gnashes at Angel as he shrinks forward, uneasy.] It doesn't bother me one bit...!

Charlie: You know, this scene feels awfully violent. If you want help with the script, maybe I can pitch some scenarios that are more whole-- woah!

[Charlie screams and trips over a cable and the electricity crackles.]

Charlie: Okay. Okay. Ah, ah okay. [She tries reaching to fix it but the cables and wires catch fire and begins to spread as she backs away from it. Angel and the four male actors are seen watching, eyes wide.] That's on fire. That-that, that's on fire!

Angel Dust: [The crew and actors scream and flee while Angel remains on the bed, eyes wide, backing up against the pillows.] Oh shit...

[Everyone runs away screaming as the room burns down. Charlie tries to put out the fire, to no avail. Valentino glares at Angel Dust menacingly, believing he's the cause of this mess.]

Charlie: Oh, god. Okay, uh, do you have any--

[Charlie grabs the corner of furry carpet in an attempt to put out the flames.]

[Valentino watches everything play out, eyes wide before he grits his teeth, standing up from his chair in annoyance.]

Charlie: [In the middle of the fire.] Can I get a fire extinguisher? [Charlie takes off her suit jacket and begins swaying it up and down, trying to put out the fire, but still to no avail, as the screams and running continue.] I am so sorry. I ruined your movie. I ruined your movie. [Angel watches everything as he sits on the bed, backed against the pillows, blinking with a mortified expression. His pupils shrink when he sees Valentino's dark figure standing still in the midst of the fire, glaring at him.] Oh, my God. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm s-s-s-s-s-sorry! Noooooo!

[Valentino growls and flaps his wings once, extinguishing the fire in an instant. Angel gets off of the bed quickly, reaching underneath, grabbing and putting on his robe.]
Angel Dust: Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck...

Charlie: [Still with suit jacket off.] Oh, my gosh, I am so, so, so, so sorry. I-- I can clean this up. I-- I can--

Valentino: [Walks up to Charlie and bends in front of her to her eye level.] Don't you worry your pretty blonde head about it. We have people for that. [Turns to Angel.] Angel... Can I see you in your dressing room for a moment?

[Angel runs off to Val, leaving a concerned Charlie, who reaches to stop him. Angel enters the dressing room, worried and scared, as a fuming Valentino appears from behind the door, slamming it shut. He approaches Angel menacingly as he turns around with his hands raised up in defense.]

Angel Dust: Val, I didn't know that--

[Before Angel can continue, Valentino grunts in annoyance as he smacks the back of his hand hard across the side of Angel's face, giving his right eye a black eye. He stumbles back in pain, holding the side of his face with his hand as he tries to speak again.]

Angel Dust: Val, I--

[Angel grunts as Valentino grabs the collar part of his robe and holds him up close to his face, extremely pissed off.]

Valentino: You really think you can have Lucifer's little BITCH [He throws Angel back, sending him colliding back against a chair that he anxiously shuffles around. He is visibly scared, gasping and panting out of breath.] fight your battles for you?

[Valentino growls as he walks closer to Angel, who is still trying to explain.]

Angel Dust: Val, please, I'm sorry... She's--

Valentino: You bring her here to protect you? [He reaches his left arm out to Angel with his hand open to grab his chest fluff as Angel backs himself away in the corner of the room in fear, instinctively grabbing his robe to try and cover his chest.] To FUCK with me?

[Red cigar smoke circles around the back of Angel's wrists like cuffs, binding them together. Valentino grabs Angel by the neck and forcefully drags him back before slamming and pinning him down to the couch, causing Angel to yell in pain.]

Angel Dust: Val, stop!

Valentino: [Teeth gnashed.] You think she can get you out of work?

Angel Dust: No! No, that-- that-- that's not-- [Valentino uses his free hand and runs and touches Angel's chest fluff. Angel's voice wavers.] --what I'm trying to do. I-- No--
[Valentino growls and violently throws Angel to the ground, causing him to slide to a stop, gasping and grunting heavily.]

Valentino: [menacingly] You know she can't do anything.

[Valentino manipulates his smoke into a ball before forming it into a chain wrapped around Angel's neck, lifting his head and body up to read his golden contract that's binding him to Valentino signed with his real name, "Antonia".]

Valentino: I own you. Or have you forgotten that?

Angel Dust: [Sniffling and whimpering.] No...

Valentino: [Valentino vanishes the contract but still holds onto his smoke chain tightly.] When I say "cum", you say?

Angel Dust: Yes, Valentino.

Valentino: [Leans closer to Angel, putting a hand on his shoulder.] When I say "You are fucking twenty guys before lunch," you say?

Angel Dust: [Voice deepening and breaking.] Yes, Valentino.

Valentino: When I say "You better get that fucking [Shouting, grabbing the collar of Angel's robe and holding him up to eye level. Angel has a look of pure terror on his face.] CUNT out of my studio!", [Caresses the back of his hand against Angel's face.] you say?

Angel Dust: Uh, I...

Valentino: [He digs his nails/claws into Angel's face, leaning in closer. His voice becomes much more aggressive.] YOU say?

Angel Dust: [Holds his hands up.] Look, V-Val, she just gets involved in everything. I-I'll tell her to leave. Just don't hurt her...! [Grabbing Valentino's wrists.]

Valentino: [Grabs the collar of Angel's robe again and lifts him up off of the ground. Angel gasps and grunts.] I have KILLED bitches for less than this attitude you're giving me. You're lucky you make me money! Now, you're going to go get rid of her, [Throws Angel to the ground, who catches himself from the fall. Points at him angrily.] and then you are filming all night! Get me?!

Angel Dust: Yes, Val.

Valentino: [Smiles.] Good.

[Angel reaches his arm from behind him and manages to grab the door handle, opening it a little. Valentino suddenly grabs Angel by the robe, violently dragging him out of the dressing room as he gasps. The door slams and the mirror inside falls over, smashing and shattering.]

[Back to the studio.]

Valentino: [loudly] Alright!

[Valentino throws Angel forward against the bed, and he manages to catch himself, rather weakly, in front of Charlie (who has her suit jacket back on). Her jaw drops and her eyes widen at what she just witnessed. She turned her head to stare at Valentino, an expression of disbelief and anger on her face.]

Valentino: Get your asses back on set, and we are taking this from the top!

[Charlie, who is now furious, grows her horns as her eyes glow red and hair floats.]

Charlie: [demonic, angry] WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TREAT HIM LIKE THAT?!

[Valentino simply stands there, smug, with his arms crossed as Charlie approaches, but Angel stands in between them.]

Angel Dust: Charlie! [She halts.] Just stop!

Charlie: Angel, what are you talking ab--

Angel Dust: Charlie, leave!

Charlie: But--

Angel Dust: I didn't want you to come here. I already asked you to leave and you didn't listen. You made things worse.

Charlie: I just wanted to help you-

Angel Dust: Well, you ain't! You actually want to help me?! Get the fuck out of here! Right now![His voice breaks] and let me finish my work...

Charlie: I... I didn't... [Angel gives Charlie a cold and uncaring glare as she Sobs.] mean to! [Looks at Valentino, who smiles smugly.] I... I'm... I'm so sorry!

[Charlie sobs and leaves the studio in tears, slamming the door behind her. Angel looks disappointed in himself.]

Valentino: [Laughs and chuckles lowly in satisfaction, approaching Angel from behind, putting his hands on his shoulders and leaning over his back.] Good girl.

[Cuts to Angel resuming his film with makeup applied to his face to cover his black eye.]

Valentino: And... action.

[Angel Dust starts to film porno after porno, intertwined with him performing a pop-music dance sequence.]

Angel Dust: ♫ I'm not above a love to cash in ♫

♫ Another lover underneath those flashin' lights ♫

♫ Another one of those ruthless nights ♫

[A bunch of actors appear to perform a gang bang. Angel winces as he gets choked by his co-stars.]

♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ I shoulda' guessed that this would happen ♫

♫ I shoulda' known it when I looked in your red-hot eyes ♫

[Angel on his knees prepared to give a blowjob to a fellow demon, while glancing at Valentino smiling.]

♫ Spewin' all your red-hot LIES ♫

♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ What's the worst part of this hell? ♫

♫ I can only blame MYSELF♫

[Cuts to Angel dancing with Valentino bound by smoke-chains.]

♫ 'Cause I know you're poison ♫

♫ You're feedin' me poison ♫

♫ Addicted to this feelin', I can't help but swallow ♫

♫ Up your poison ♫

♫ I made my choice, and ♫

♫ Every night I'm livin' like there's no tomorrow ♫

[Shots alternate between Angel having sex with Valentino and him snorting drugs, lying in a bed of cash with two other demons.]

♫ Oh-oh, oh-oh! ♫

♫ Any way you want me, baby ♫

♫ That's the way you got me, I'll be yours ♫

[Valentino's nightmarish silhouette appears in front of Angel in bed.]

♫ My story's gonna end with me dead from your POISON ♫

[Cuts to a different porn scene as Angel gets fitted in BDSM gear.]

♫ I got so good at bein' untrue ♫

♫ I got so good at tellin' you what you wanna hear ♫

[Valentino takes Angel's cigarette and blows the smoke into his face. Angel shakes his head to get rid of the smoke, but all he sees is Valentino walking away before a black blindfold is put over his eyes.]

♫ I disassociate, disappear ♫

♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

[Having been fully fitted in BDSM gear, Angel gets manhandled by his co-stars and has his head forced into an actor's crotch for another blowjob.]

♫ So far beyond difficult to resist another GULP ♫

[Cuts to Angel dancing a pop-MV choreography, with the BDSM scenes displayed on the LED screens.]

♫ Yeah, I know it's poison ♫

♫ You're feedin' me poison ♫

♫ I'm chokin' from the taste and I can't help but swallow ♫

♫ Up your poison ♫

♫ I made my choice, and ♫

[Angel is choked, and his blindfold comes undone, revealing his fear and pain, while Val sticks out his tongue in arousal. The pop choreography continues with shots of the BDSM scene. Angel is shown struggling and pounding the ground as if trying to resist.]

♫ Every night I'm wasted like there's no tomorrow ♫

[Angel is shown screaming and crying out in pain.]

♫ Oh-oh, oh-oh! ♫

♫ Any way you want me, baby ♫

♫ That's the way you got me, I'll be yours ♫

[Valentino smiles lecherously as he grabs and drags Angel away from the stage. Angel appears scared.]

♫ My story's gonna end with me dead from your poison ♫

[Angel snaps back to reality, exhausted, Head hurting, and traumatized. He locks the door and stumbles backward and walks out to the balcony to catch a breath only to see Vox and Valentino below, smiling and shaking hands possibly striking a deal or an agreement to something as Vox side-glances up at the balcony seeing Angel Dust his smile falters a bit. Valentino turns his head to also see Angel. They both smile as Vox's figure disappears into electricity and leaves while Valentino turns his back and walks away.]

♫ Poison, I'm drownin' in poison ♫

♫ I'm fillin' up my glass but it's always hollow ♫

♫ Full of poison, I'm sick of the poison ♫

♫ Wish I had something to live for TOMORROW. ♫

[Ends with Angel collapsing and crying on the balcony of the porn studio.]

[Cuts to a worn out Angel Dust returning to the Hotel while groaning. Charlie awkwardly waves at him but is ignored. Angel drops himself on a stool next to Husks' bar as he cleans a glass cup.]

Angel Dust: Eugh, I need a drink. The hardest you can make.

Husk: Hmm, You look like shit.

Angel Dust: [Takes a deep breath and regains his cocky smile.] Pfft, Not possible. Just a long shoot, nothin' new. [Husk rolls his eyes as soon as he pours the liquor. Angel snatches the glass and gulps down the alcohol but leaves a small portion spilled.] Eugh, I said a strong one.

Husk: Excuse me. Didn't realize this was a "drinking to forget" kind of night.

Angel Dust: Oh, I forgot. You're the wise old bartender who's seen it all. [Angel uses both sets of hands to make mocking jazz hands] Get the fuck over yourself and pour me real drink. [Angel uses the tip of his index finger and spills the full cup of alcohol.]

Husk: Look, if you've got a problem, you're not going to find the solution at the bottom of a bottle. I should know, I've been looking there for a long time. [Husk cleans and wipes down the spilled alcohol.]

[Angel takes a deep breath, smooths his hair back and slips into his porn star persona.]

Angel Dust: Oh sure, and where should I look? Hmm? [sexily] In your bedroom, maybe? [Husk flinches and stiffens.] Under the covers? [Angel shakes his shoulders suggestively as Husk cringes back.] Maybe we can go look together. [Husk unknowingly purrs as his eye twitches he holds up his hand, gesturing Angel to stop, already feeling annoyed.]

Husk: Don't. Even start.

Angel Dust: Oh, c'mon, I bet I can make those wings flap! [Angel grabs one of Husk's wings, spreading it out before he wraps it around himself.]

Husk: [Pushes Angel off of him back onto the stool as the bottle of alcohol slips from his grasp and smashes onto the floorboards, spilling.] Stop! Fucking Christ! [Angel scowls at him.] You can cut the act already. [Places both hands on the countertop.] It's never going to work on me. [Rolls eyes.] So all you're doing is makin' an ass out of yourself with this fake bullshit.

[Angel, now agitated and filled with rage.]

Angel Dust: [Shouts angrily as he nearly slips into demon form] Call me fake one more time, MOTHERFUCKER! I dare you.

Husk: [Leans close to Angel and uses index finger to poke his chest fluff.] Fake. [Smiles smugly.]

Angel Dust: [Rising] Fuckin' asshole—! [Bumps into the bar ceiling, holding his head with his hands as he falls back off of the stool and lands on the floor.] Arrgh! God!

Husk: [Leans over the bar counter to stare down at him.] Ya done?

Angel Dust: [Growls angrily.] Ya know what? You would be fucking lucky to get a chance to fuck me! [Throws the half broken bottle of alcohol at Husk but misses as Husk stares unamused and unimpressed.] Ya know how much I'm worth? You know how many people would kill to have Angel Dust come onto them? Fuck you, You lonely piece of shit!
[Angel storms out of the hotel, pushing past Vaggie.]

Vaggie: Woah-- The hell? Angel, where are you going?

Angel Dust: [Offscreen.] Out! [Door slams.]

Vaggie: Husk, what did you do?

Husk: [Shrugging.] Made him a drink.

Charlie: [Worried.] Oh, no. He looks really upset.

Husk: [Waves off, dismissively.] It's just Angel. He'll be fine.

Charlie: I'm not so sure. I really messed up at the studio today and he got... Ugh, it was... It wasn't good, okay?

[Vaggie tucks Charlie's hair behind her ear and gives her a reassuring smile, then turns to Husk.]

Vaggie: [sarcastically] Gee, sounds like someone should go after him...

[Husk just stares and blinks blankly.]

Vaggie: Someone named "Husk".

Husk: Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Why don't you go if you're so worried?

Vaggie: Because I'm not the one who sent him storming out. You caused it. You drag him back.

Charlie: No! No... Don't force him back. Just make sure he's safe. I pushed too hard earlier and... I only made things worse. Look, he'll come back when he's ready. I just don't want anything to happen to him until then.

[Vaggie shoots a pointed look at Husk, who grumbles.]

Charlie: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write one hundred apology letters and a lesson planned for tomorrow about... Boundaries.

[Husk rolls his eyes and slumps forward while whining like a cat.]

[Cuts to Angel entering a bar. Husk follows behind with sirens blaring in the background.]

[Angel sits at the bar with a gang of shark demons, snorting drugs.]

Angel Dust: Oh, yeah.

[As Husk enters the bar Prick bumps into him which makes Husk growl and glare in his direction briefly until he hears Angel and the gang of sharks laughing.]

Angel Dust: [Laughing.] I'm so fucked up!

[Husk sits at the bar counter, placing money down, and orders a drink.]

Husk: Gimme a whiskey... [Bartender places a glass down and pours some before Husk grabs the bottle.] I meant the whole bottle, jackass. [The bartender stares at him silently before letting him have the bottle and takes away the glass instead as Husk drinks down the bottle.]

Angel Dust: Haha, ya, ya, so I said "You couldn't afford me in a million afterlives." I got better options, right boys?

Demon: You got that right!

[The gangsters laugh as Husk watches and snarls.]

Angel Dust: [To one demon.] Hey, baby, be a doll and bring me another one? Daddy's outta juice!

[The demon is seen taking his and Angel's empty glasses by the bar counter as he sits down on a stool next to Husk who glares at him in suspicion as the bartender pours the liquor in the two glasses. The shark demon reaches into his suit and takes out some love potion/drug (which resembles the love potion seen in the background of "Radio Killed the Video Star") and pours it into Angel's drink making the color pink. Husk's eyes widen as he watches and the demon gets up from the stool to return to Angel.]
[Husk huffs and sets his bottle of whiskey aside.]

Husk: [Muttering] Son of a--

Demon: Here you go, darling. Just for you--

[Just as Angel is about to reach for the drink, Husk appears from behind the demon and grabs him by the back of his suit, lifting him off of the ground as the drinks spill.]
Demon: Woah!

Husk: Nice try, fuckhead.

[Angel watches in surprise as Husk throws the demon across the room, causing him to scream and land headfirst into a jukebox as up temp music plays and another demon dodges. The rest of the gangsters take out their guns.]

Husk: Let's go. [Husk grabs Angel's arm and pulls him behind him while he throws a stack of cards at the demons which cuts the barrels off their guns and cuts a net loose from the ceiling, immobilizing them.]

Angel Dust: What the? Hey! H-h-hey, hey!

[Husk drags Angel out of the bar.]

Angel Dust: Husk! What the hell are you doing here? Let go of me.

Husk: No. I'm takin' you back to the hotel.

Angel Dust: Get off!

Husk: That fucker put somethin' in your drink.

Angel Dust: You don't think I can tell if someone spikes my drink? I do this shit all time!

Husk: You just let people drug you all the time?

Angel Dust: You think I ask for it? I don't ask for any of this shit! I didn't ask to be this way. I didn't ask for Charlie to save me, I didn't ask for you to save me. I can handle myself.

Husk: Really? Because I just saw someone self-destructing. It seems like... I don't know... you might need a bartender to talk to.

Angel Dust: [Chuckles, incredulous.] Oh, so now you're going to act like you give a shit about me? You think after how you treated me, I'm gonna open up to you? Please. [Walks off.]

Husk: Maybe I'd treat you better if you were real, and not some bullshit version of yourself, always pushin' my boundaries! Lemme tell ya, nobody in that hotel cares who you are.
How famous, how hot, so you might as well just... cut the act.

[Angel stops walking, eyes widening before tears form in the corner of his eyes. He drops the Angel Dust persona completely.]

Angel Dust: It's not an act!

[Husk flinches back a bit and stares at Angel Dust in shock.]

Angel Dust: [Sobbing] It's who I need to be. [Crosses arms to chest.] And this... [Gestures to the redlight street.] This is my escape. Where I can forget about it all! How much I hate... everything. A place where I can get high, and not have to think about how much it hurts. And maybe... If I can ruin myself enough in the process... if I end up broken, I won't be his favorite toy anymore...

[Husk stands there listening and blinking as he frowns at what Angel Dust says. Holding his hands as his eyebrows furrowed and his ears and tail falter.]

Angel Dust: ...and maybe he'll let me go...

[Angel Dust sits down on the sidewalk, curling up into a small ball with his legs close to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his head buried into his knees.]

[Husk stares at Angel Dust with sympathy and pity, then walks over and sits down the pavement near him.]

Husk: [Sighs.] I was an Overlord once, you know.

[Angel Dust looks to Husk, who sighs, giving an assuring smile.]

Husk: Yeah, and uh... It was nice to have that power. But when you're dealing in souls

[The scene flashbacks to Husk’s past, in his prime as an Overlord]

[The scene shows a younger Husk in his prime, sitting at a gambling table, smiling in Pride as he looks to his prize consisting of piles of money stacks, then spreading out his cards]

Husk: While also being a gambler, the stakes are pretty high. And losing a few hands can be more than a little dangerous.

[The cards backs progressively show Husk losing his bets, his expression getting sadder as the number of card patterns shrinks]

Husk: So when you're down on your luck, you turn to anything to... keep you afloat.

[A card appears on screen spinning in place, showing the pattern of a sad Husk, to an evil grinning Alastor, his ominous chuckling echoing in the background as it rains hundreds of playing cards.]

Husk: Even making deals yourself.

[A stack of cards fall into Alastor’s hand, who holds them out in a fan, and grins at a worried Husk as he has stacks of poker chips surrounding him, signifying an unbeatable winning streak, voodoo symbols floating around him as the light is dimmer and more menacing on his half of the room]

[Cut back to present]

Husk: So I know what it's like to... Regret the choices made... And knowin' ya can't take it back.

Angel: You wanna know something?

Husk: Go ahead.

Angel: I’m actually transgendered, I was born as female but was forced to transition due to my shitass of a dad making me.[He started to feel uneasy while talking remembering all the verbal abuse he suffered from his dad]

[Angel and Husk sit in silence for a moment. Then Husk begins to sing.]

Husk: ♫ So things look bad, and your back's against the wall ♫

♫ Your whole existence seems fuckin' hopeless ♫

♫ You're feelin' filthy as a dive bar bathroom stall ♫

♫ Can't face the world sober and dopeless ♫

♫ You've lost your way, you think your life is wrecked ♫

♫ Well, let me just say you're correct ♫

Angel Dust: Wait, what?

Husk: ♫ You're a loser, baby ♫

♫ A loser, goddamn baby ♫

♫ You're a fucked up little whiny bitch ♫

Angel Dust: Hey!

Husk: ♫ You're a loser, just like me ♫

Angel Dust: Thanks, asshole.

Husk: ♫ You're a screw's-loose-boozer ♫

♫ An only one-star reviews-er ♫

♫ You're a power-bottom at rock bottom ♫

♫ But you got company ♫

Angel Dust: This supposed to make me feel better?

Husk: ♫ There was a time I thought no one could relate ♫

♫ To the gruesome ways in which I'm damaged ♫

♫ But lettin' walls down, it can sometimes set you straight! ♫

♫ We're all livin' in the same shit-sandwich ♫

Angel Dust: ♫ I sold my soul to a psychopathic freak ♫

Husk: ♫ Haha! And you think that makes you unique? ♫

Get outta here, man!

♫ We're both losers, baby ♫

♫ We're losers, it's okay to be a-- ♫

Angel Dust: Coked up, dick-suckin' hoe?

Husk: ♫ Baby, that's fine by me ♫

Angel Dust: ♫ I'm a loser, honey, ♫

♫ A schmoozer and a dummy! ♫

♫ But at least I know I'm not alone ♫

Husk: ♫ You're a loser ♫

Both: ♫ Just like me! ♫

Husk: ♫ I got an appetite for gamblin' ♫

Angel Dust: ♫ I got an appetite for samplin' every drug and sex toy I can find! ♫

Husk: Go ahead baby, sing that song, come on!

Angel Dust: ♫ I got no holes left to deflower ♫

Husk: ♫ I sold my soul to save my power ♫

♫ Now I'm on that demon's leash ♫

Both: ♫ I'm trapped and it gets worse with every hour ♫

Angel Dust: ♫ You're a loser, baby ♫

Husk: ♫ A loser, but just maybe if we ♫

Both: ♫ Eat shit together, things will end up differently! ♫

[Angel begins humming while Husk sings.]

Husk: ♫ It's time to lose your self-loathin' ♫

♫ Excuse yourself, let hope in, baby ♫

♫ Play your card, be who you are ♫

Both: ♫ A loser, just like—

[The shark demons interrupt and furiously fire at Angel and Husk, who hide behind a nearby parked car]

Demon: There he is! They're fucking singing?! Get 'em!

Husk: Oh shit! Stay down. I'll deal with this.

Demon: Hehe, you're fucking dead -

[Husk kills each goon with relative ease using his cards, but had trouble with one goon jumping on his back, until Angel also pulls out one of his firearms and obliterates the demon.]

Angel Dust: Eat lead, sucka!! *lends a hand to Husk* I told ya. I can handle myself, baby.

[Angel pulls out 5 extra guns and begins fighting the rest of the demons with Husk until all the shark demons are reduced to blood and guts.]

Shark demon: This did not go as planned -[dies]

[Cut to Angel and Husk banged up and covered in the goons' blood.]

Husk: Well, that was something I didn't expect to see.

Angel Dust: Like I said, you don't know me. Sex ain't the only thing I'm good at.

Husk: Good to know, cause this guy ain't that bad.

[Angel Dust smiles, and the two walk out of the street.]

[Angel and Husk return to the hotel laughing together.]

Angel Dust: He had like 3 bills, and it took him 30 minutes to count them. His eyes are so shit!

Husk: Hehe, and this is the guy you gotta take orders from?

Angel Dust: I know! What a fucking joke, right?

[Charlie rushes to Angel in relief and hugs him tightly.]

Charlie: I'm so sorry, Angel! I promise I won't ever, ever, ever, ever-

Angel Dust: Charlie, it's fine. I get it. Thanks... for caring about me.

[Charlie weeps tears of joy. Angel picks her up and gives her to Vaggie.]

Angel Dust: Ehh, I think this is yours.

Vaggie: Okay missy, let's get you to bed.

Charlie: [still blubbering] He-he-he said he - for-forgave me! [inaudible cries] It's so beautiful, Vaggie...

Husk: Hey, how about that drink?

Angel Dust: You read my mind.

[Episode ends with Angel and Husk heading for a drink.]

Chapter Text

[Opens to Vaggie sleeping in bed. she squirms before waking up, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She turns to the left side. Camera zooms out to reveal Charlie gone.]

Vaggie: Charlie?

[It cuts to Charlie in the hotel lobby, panicking and planning out everything with lots of paper with strings attached with everyone else watching her, disturbed by her behavior. Vaggie comes down the stairs fully dressed.]

Charlie: I'm just not quite understanding why it's not working. Okay, okay, think Charlie. Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think. Okay if I do this, it's going to be- (gasp) I have trust falls every single morning. We can do- (gasp)

Angel Dust: Yikes.

Charlie: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, Charlie!.

Vaggie: Charlie?... Sweetie? You, uh, you good?

[Charlie looks back with sleep-deprived, insane look in her eyes that red veins were shown in the sclera]

Charlie: Nope, no! Not really! Haha! I've been up all night trying to figure out why the hotel isn't working. [Crushes paper with hand] We've done trust falls.
We've tried sharing our feelings. We only have a couple months left before the angels come- [Turns into demonic form and laughs maniacally before turning back to normal] And at this rate...

Vaggie: Maybe it's time-

Charlie: NO.

Vaggie: to ask-

[Charlie gets up close to Vaggie's face, holding her cheeks desperately.]

Charlie: DON'T SAY IT.

Vaggie: your dad.

[Charlie groans, knowing what this means for her.]

Vaggie: Charlie, I know you don't want to, but we need every advantage we can get.

Charlie: He let the extermination happen to begin with. They just had a meeting and said, "Go ahead and kill everyone!"- (gasp) Wait. That's it!

Vaggie: Kill everyone?

Charlie: No! He could get me a meeting with Heaven!

Vaggie: Didn't we already try that?

Charlie: Well. yeah, with Adam, but he was....not pleasant. But he isn't in charge of all of Heaven. We could go to the top! There's sure to be some angels who will listen.

[Charlie scrolls through her contacts. In her contacts, she has Egg Boiz 1,2, and 3, before her thumb lingers on top of her "Dad". However, she was hesitant to call her dad]
Husk: What's the holdup? You got daddy issues?

Charlie: No, we just have never been close. After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls... sometimes, but only if he's bored or like, needs me to do something.

[Husk was aware that this is just an excuse that Charlie does have issues with her dad and turns to the others.]

Husk: Daddy issues.

Angel Dust: Well I'd like to meet the big man in charge.

[Niffty was holding a knife in her hands.]

Niffty: The ultimate bad boy. [laughs like a gremlin with excitement, holding a knife while Angel takes her knife away without her knowing] I bet he's scary.

[Scene cuts to Lucifer's house, showing framed photos of his family in a dark spooky room. Lucifer can be heard making snarling noise as he was working on something. As the scene goes, his room is revealed to be filled with a lot of rubber ducks, and stacks of them filled the boxes and tubs.]

Lucifer: That's it... Almost there... Now presenting... the magic-tastical backflipping rubber duck! Ha ha! That spits fire! [rubber duck shoots flamethrower from its mouth] Hoo hoo hoo! Hold the applause! Please, okay. Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh God, who am I kidding, This sucks!

[He throws the rubber duck at his family portrait and looks sad. Suddenly his ringtone plays. He picked up his phone, and was shocked who was calling him.]

Lucifer: Daughter? Daughter calling, daughter, daughter calling! OH! Uhm-uh. Hello, Charlie. H-Hey, heyyy, hey Char-Char. No! No. That's not good. Oh, this is the first time she's called you in years. This has to be perfect. [takes a deep breath before he picks up the phone] Hey, bitch!

[Intercut conversation between Lucifer and Charlie during the phone call from the hotel to his house.]

Charlie: Hi, Dad.

Lucifer: Hey! How are you? Oh ho. Wh-Wh-where are you these days?

Charlie: You know where I am Dad. I've told you before.

Lucifer: You have? Oh, yeah uh, well, you know, I um uh-

Charlie: I told you when you called me five months ago, or did you not listen?

Lucifer: No, no, no, no. Just, you know, just forgot. I've just been really busy! Ya know, with, um… Important things. [kicks rubber duck]

Charlie: Well, I'm actually running a hotel to rehabilitate sinners. Maybe you saw our commercial.

Lucifer: Oh… sadly, I missed it. heh heh. You know I haven't been watching much TV lately. Scrambles the brain. [makes silly noises]. But, hey, A hotel! Fun!

Charlie: (Sighs) Listen, Dad, I've got… kind of a big ask.

Lucifer: [coughs and sets down his tea] Yeah, of course. Anything in my power is yours for the asking. You just name it~

Charlie: I need to speak to Heaven. Well, whoever's in charge up there, above Adam, above anybody. I need to go to the top.

Lucifer: Oh, no. No~ No, no, no, no, Charlie, no, no, no. That's, uh hah, no.

Charlie: [angrily] Look Dad, [normal] I don't ask you for much, I never have, but this, this is really important to me. It's the most important thing I've ever done. And I... need you. I need your help.

Lucifer: I don't know, Charlie.

Charlie: Please, just come see what I'm trying to do. You'll see why it's a really good idea. And Heaven is bound to agree if I get the chance to talk to them. Please, Dad.

Lucifer: Wait. You're... inviting me over? Absolutely! Hoh! I'll be there in an hour. [hangs up] ♪ My daughter wants to see me~! ♪ [points at the rubber duck below him] Take that depression!

[Back at the hotel, Charlie and Vaggie prepare for Lucifer's arrival.]

Charlie: Welp, we have an hour until he gets here.

Vaggie: Okay people, [Everyone stands at attention, but Husk spills coffee over himself and Niffty collapses on the floor.] Lucifer is on his way. So we are going to get this place presentable and we are going to make an amazing impression. Vamanos!

[Everyone scatters to get the place tidy and ready for Lucifer. Sir Pentious and Niffty bakes cookies, then Niffty starts sweeping and Husk is cleaning up. Alastor walks in and watches Razzle and Dazzle put up a "Wellcum Daddy" banner. Angel puts on some makeup before closing the mirror, revealing to be Niffty staring creepily at him, making Angel recoil back in surprise.]

Charlie: [sighs] Okay everyone, it's showtime!

[Charlie opens the door, revealing to be Lucifer, excited to see his daughter.]
Lucifer: Chaaaarlie!

Charlie: Hey, Da-

[Charlie doesn't get to finish because Lucifer hugs her really tight like a bear. Unbeknownst to them, Alastor was right behind them, with his wicked smile strained and left eye twitching in anger when Alastor saw Lucifer.]

Lucifer: [hugs Charlie] Oh, it's so good to see you. Haha!

Charlie: *strained* It's uh, good to see you, too, Dad.

[Charlie pushes Lucifer off to give herself a breather.]

Charlie: [clears throat] Welcome! to the Hazbin Hotel!

[Two Egg Boiz pops some party poppers as a warm welcome. KeeKee curls up to Lucifer and rubs her face against his legs. Lucifer notices her and goes all enchanted by her cuteness. He crouches down and rubs her head.]

Lucifer: Oh, hewwo, KeeKee!

[Razzle and Dazzle flies by and Lucifer greets them]

Lucifer: Razzle, Dazzle. [makes endearing noises] Oh, look how much you haven't grown! Still fun sized. You taking care of my wittle girl? [speaks in a very deep ominous threatening tone] You better be… [snickers] Wow, this place sure looks, uh... Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's got a lot of character.

[Lucifer finds the bar at the corner and is immediately repulsed by it.]

Lucifer: OH! What in the unholy hell is that?!

[Alastor reappears from the fog and in front of Angel Dust.]

Alastor: Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color, don't you think?

[Lucifer looked at him suspiciously, and pointed his cane at him.]

Lucifer: And you are?

[Alastor reappears behind Lucifer, catching his attention.]

Alastor: Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sir. Quite a pleasure! [Alastor shaking Lucifer's cane and wiping his hand in somewhat hidden disgust] It's nice to finally put a face to the name. [indicates the height by the camera]. You are much shorter in real life.

[Alastor making a hand gesture indicating the height difference between the Morningstars]

Lucifer: Who is this? Who are you? Are you the bellhop?

Alastor: Haha! No! I am the host of the hotel. You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast.

Lucifer: Hmm. Nope! I guess that's why Charlie called it the Has-been Hotel! Hahaha.

Alastor: Ha ha ha! It was actually my idea.

Lucifer: Ha ha ha! Well, it's not very clever!

Alastor: [Strained] Ha ha! Fuck you.

[With each sentence, Alastor and Lucifer were getting closer to fighting before Charlie gets in the way to stop them in between.]

Charlie: Okay! Okay, anyway. Dad, look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings! Without Alastor, we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much.

Alastor: Charlie has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfill her bizarre requests.

[Alastor places hand on her shoulder. Lucifer is grumpy that he is winning over Charlie more than he is, which makes him very angry to the point where he growls in frustration.]

Charlie: Oh, thank you, Alastor.

Alastor: Quite an impressive young lady. (condescendingly) We're all very proud of her.

Lucifer: [clears throat] Charlie, dear, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?

[Lucifer walks right between them before pointing his stick to the others at the table. Angel Dust tries to get a cookie from Sir Pentious, but he doesn't want Angel touching the cookies without Lucifer trying them and hides them underneath him.]

Charlie: Oh, yes, of course. This is Vaggie. She's my girlfriend!

Lucifer: Oh ho my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common! You put er' there, Maggie! Hey! [hugs her while laughing] She's so pretty.

Vaggie: Uh, lovely to meet you, uh, sir!

Charlie: And this is Sir Pentious and Angel Dust, our guests!

[Sir Pentious hears his name being called and stands at attention, making a salute to him.]

Sir Pentious: Your Majesty!

[Sir Pentious falls down into the cookies right before Angel Dust takes one for himself.]

Angel Dust: Heya, short king~

Charlie: Husk is our bartender, and Niffty is our housekeeper.

Husk: Nice to meet you.

[Niffty was super-excited to meet the ultimate bad boy that she scurries over and climbs up on his coat.]

Niffty: Hello. [laughs] I clean. Hehehehe.

[Suddenly the chandelier falls and produces a huge amount of dust which makes everyone cough. Lucifer and Alastor were at the chandelier when Lucifer knows Alastor did that on purpose.]

Lucifer: [Laughs]. Alright, then.

[With one swing of his own stick, the fallen chandelier disappears and starts to sing the song, Hell's Greatest Dad to Charlie.]

Lucifer: ♪ Looks like you could use some help ♪

♪ From the big boss of Hell himself.♪

♪ Check out Daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp! ♪

Lucifer puppets: ♪ "Five stars!" "Flawless!" "Greater than GREAT!" ♪

Lucifer: ♪ With a punch of a pentagram♪, I Wap! Bam! Boom! Alakazam! ♪

♪ Usually I charge a sacrificial lamb ♪

♪ But you get the family rate! ♪

Lucifer and Charlie: "Thanks, Dad!" ♪

Lucifer: ♪ Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? ♪

Chorus of Lucifer lookalikes: ♪ Woh-oh-oh ♪

Lucifer: ♪ Michelin tasting menu free à la carte ♪

♪ I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref! ♪

♪ Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just to start! ♪

Alastor: ♪ Who's been here since day one? ♪

♪ Who's been faithful as a nun? ♪

♪ Makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun? Your executive producer! ♪

Charlie: *spoken* That's true!

Alastor: ♪ I'm your guy, Your day-to-day ♪

♪ Your chum, your steadfast hotelier ♪

♪ Remember when I fixed that clog today? ♪

Niffty: *spoken* I was stuck. Thank you, sir!

Charlie: Oh you!

Alastor: ♪ I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond.

Charlie: Awwww!

Alastor: ♪ You're like the child that I wish that I had. ♪

Lucifer: Uh, what?

Alastor: ♪ I care for you just like a daughter I spawned. ♪

Lucifer: Hold on now!

Alastor: ♪ It's a little funny, You could almost call me... DAAAAAAAD! ♪

[Angered, Lucifer plays golden fiddle aggressively as he gets closer to Alastor. Suddenly, a piano drops out of the sky and Alastor plays piano aggressively. Lucifer then plays the accordion horribly out of tune with the song, resulting in a temporary fade to black.]

Alastor: ♪ They say when you're looking for assistance ♪

♪ It's smart to pick the path with least resistance! ♪

Lucifer: Others say that in your needy hour

♪ There's no substitute for pure angelic power! ♪

♪ , Who just happens to also be your blood! ♪

Alastor: ♪ Sadly there are times a birth parent is a dud. ♪

♪ They say the family you choose is better! ♪

Lucifer: *sing talking* ♪ What a bunch of losers! ♪

Alastor: ♪ Can you butt out of my song? ♪

Lucifer: ♪ Your song? I started this! ♪

Alastor: ♪ I'm singing it, i'll finish it! ♪

Lucifer: ♪ OH, YOU TACKY PIECE OF—! ♪

[Right before Lucifer and Alastor could get at each other's throats, the front door opens, and Mimzy butts into the song.]

Mimzy: ♪ It's me! Yes, it's me!! ♪

♪ I know you were all waiting for me! ♪

♪ I'm here! What a gas! ♪

♪ Took a while but I'm present at last! ♪

♪ It's me! It's me! ♪

♪ Mimzzzyyyyyyy! ♪

[As the song ends, everyone in the hotel was perplexed by their new house guest in the front. None of them spoke until Lucifer broke the ice with a question.]

Lucifer: Who?

Mimzy: Didn't you just hear me? Why is everybody gawkin'? Is it, cuz I'm adorable?

Alastor: Mimzy!

Mimzy: Alastooorr, sweetie, doll-face! So good to see you. How you been? Good? Good.

[Mimzy and Alastor hug each other.]

Mimzy: Listen, I was in the neighborhood. I heard you were staying at this ritzy slob factory, and I figured I'd stop by, say hi! For old times sake.

Alastor: Of course, sweetheart! Everyone is welcome here!

Charlie: Oh, how nice! So you two know each other?

Mimzy: Oh, yeah, we go way back, ran in the same circles when we were alive. You know, this one used to frequent the club where I used to perform. He's the only one I knew who could pound whiskey like a sailor then keep up with me on the dance floor.

Alastor: Oh, quite a talent, this gal. Ho ho, you should have seen her in her hayday!

Mimzy: Hey, watch it tall, dark and creepy. I'm still in my prime!

[Mimzy spots Lucifer in the open, and was immediately infatuated with the sight of the King of Hell.]

Mimzy: Oh, oh my stars! *gasps* Is that Lucifer? *pushes Sir Pentious out of the way* Move it! Pleased to meetcha, Your Highness. *whispering* Alastor, you gotta warn a girl when she's in mixed company.

Lucifer: Charmed, I'm sure.

Alastor: As much as I'd love to catch up, Charlie and I have a tour to continue.

[Lucifer heard this and took his daughter by the arms before dragging her front.]

Lucifer: I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around.

[Alastor appears in front of them.]

Alastor: Nonsense! *grabs Charlie and drags her forward* We started the hotel together, and we'll show it off together. Right, Charlie?

[Alastor stops dragging Charlie so she can be the one to lead the tour for her father.]

Charlie: Oh, right.

[As Charlie leads on with Vaggie and Lucifer following behind, Alastor turns to Mimzy.]

Alastor: Why don't you let the others help you settle in, and I'll be back before you know it.

[And with that, Alastor leaves to follow the tour. Mimzy turns to the bar and walks up to get a drink.]

Mimzy: So, where can a girl get a drink around here?

[Husk doesn't like Mimzy's company and groans in irritation as he cleans a glass. Mimzy takes a seat and notices him.]

Mimzy: My, my, is that Husker? Alastor still has you slinging hooch for him, I see. *chuckles* Classic! How ya been, fur ball?

Husk: Good! Until five minutes ago.

Mimzy: Oh, don't tell me you're not happy to see me. You might hurt my feelins. *giggles*

[While Husk gets a drink for Mimzy, she turns to Niffty, who was looking for the bugs that were scattering on the floor.]

Mimzy: Hey Niffty, whatcha' been up to, girlie?

Niffty: Fighting bugs.

Mimzy: And uh, how's that going for ya?

[Niffty turns to one of the bug she sees.]

Niffty: They're winning. *sadistically pulls out a large knife with an insane smile* But not for long.

Mimzy: Uh-huh... *a glass was given to her* Thanks, pussy cat!

Husk: Oh, fuck you.

[As Husk leaves the bar, Angel and Sir Pentious takes up a seat right next to her.]

Angel Dust: So uh, you and Alastor are like, what? Friends?

Mimzy: Well, that's your word, not mine, but I think it fits. Why so surprised?

Angel Dust: Well, just didn't know he had any of those. He's been here a while and is still a big, creepy mystery. Vaggie told me who he is but what really is his deal?

[Mimzy begins her tale by making a short flashback story of how Alastor came to be. A shadowy demon is seen holding a drink, which Alastor Takes out of his hand, in the next scene, Demons are seen dismissing him as another sinner, but then, in a dark alley, an unnamed Overlord is cornered by a sinister-looking Alastor, before it cuts to a female overlord, presumably Alastor's next victim. One by one, more overlord Demons disappeared, leaving only Alastor to reign supreme over all the others. Then, a radio tower sends neon green signal waves all over hell.]

Mimzy: Well, you probably heard the stories. He appeared in Hell suddenly, making a splash quicker than anyone had ever seen. At first, people wanted to dismiss him. But soon, overlords started goin' missing, and not small ones neither. We're talking heavy hitters. No one knew what happened to 'em until these strange radio broadcasts started going out. All you could hear were screams. Every time an overlord went missing, there'd be a new voice screaming in the broadcast! That's when Alastor revealed himself as the Radio Demon, and anyone that would mess with him... *laughs* Well, let's just say, his broadcasts never lacked new voices.

[The flashback story ends to the present where Mimzy was concluding her tale of Alastor before getting back to being nonchalant about him.]

Mimzy: That's the story most people know, but underneath it all... he's a total sweetie. Put on some jazz and pour a couple fingers of rye and he becomes a kitten!

[As Mimzy concludes her story, Angel and Sir Pentious were spooked by Alastor's dark history in hell while Mimzy doesn't seemed bothered by their disturbance.]

Mimzy: Stop with the looks. He hasn't done any of that in a while. *raises a glass* Can I get another one of these?

[Mimzy realized that Husk is nowhere in the bar or in the lobby, much to her annoyance..]

Mimzy: Oh, what the fuck!

[In the creepy dark hallways, Charlie was showing her father about the interiors of the hotel.]

Charlie: So, once we have the proof that redemption is possible, this whole hotel will be full of demons wanting to check out into Heaven! We just need a little time to prove it. The sharing circles haven't been working as fast as I hoped-

[While Charlie was in the middle of explaining everything to her father, Husk calls his owner from out of nowhere.]

Husk: Ey, Boss? Can I have a word...?

[Alastor stops and twists his head 180 degrees to have his face turn to him before his body rotates.]

Alastor: (Clearly Irritated) What is it?

Husk: You and I both know Mimzy only shows up when she needs somethin'. That bitch is trouble, and who knows what kind of demon she fucked with to come running to you this time?

Alastor: it's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry, Husker. Who in their right mind would cross me?

Husk: I mean… you've been gone a while, and it's not like anybody knows why.

Alastor: They don't need to know, and don't you worry your fuzzy head about it.

{Alastor rubs Husk's ears which angers him.]

Husk: *growls* You may own my soul, but I ain't your fucking pet!

Alastor: *chuckles* But you are! Haha!

[Alastor turns around to join back with the tour.]

Husk: *whispering* Big talk for someone who's also on a leash.

[Alastor immediately halts after hearing this, his eyes turned into radio dials. The lights in the hallway flickered from his anger rising. Slowly, Alastor looks over his shoulder to Husk.]

Alastor: Aha, what did you say?

[Before Husk could even respond, a green chain pulls his neck before he's forced down. He realizes what he's done and tries to come up with an excuse.]

Husk: Ah! Nothing! I, um...

[Alastor slowly approaches him with the green chain twirling from his mic-stick. The more he steps closer, the lights flickers on and off from his anger.]

Alastor: If you ever say that again, I will tear your soul apart and broadcast your screams for every other disrespectful wretch who dares to question me.

[Alastor's threat makes Husk shiver in fear when he realizes he had crossed too far with him.]

Husk: *scared* Understood.

[The lights turn back to normal, and Alastor is back to his old jolly good self.]

Alastor: Lovely. *chuckles* Good talk, my good man! Almost made me lose my temper.

[Alastor leaves the shaking Husk on the floor. Husk was too scared to even move, and was left shivering in fear.]

[Back to the tour, Vaggie was taking her turn explaining more about the hotel's role to redeeming demons so they can go to Heaven, most notably Angel Dust.]

Vaggie: And we've almost been able to find all of Angel's drug stashes... Almost.

Charlie: So, once that's out of the way it should be much smoother sailing.

Lucifer: Well, that certainly is, uh... is-is something.

Charlie: So… what do you think?

Lucifer: About what?

Charlie: The hotel.

Lucifer: Oh yes, it does… it does look much better now, doesn't it? *chuckles* Ya know, but I'm thinking this railing needs work, one good push and you'd just go right over the edge! Whoopie, bye bye! *chuckles*

Charlie: What? No, no, the plan, Dad! What do you think about using the hotel to help sinners?

[Now matter how much Lucifer hates to admit it, he wants Charlie to get one thing straight about what her plans are going.]

Lucifer: *exhales* Alright, I mean, look… I love that you want to see the best in people, but these sinners… You know, they're just the worst. I, I don't know how much you can realistically expect from them in Heaven. *Adjusts his collar* Hohooo boy, Heaven is not exactly as carefree as you might think. Yeah, they have rules. Lots of rules, and they aren't very open minded as you'd hope.

Charlie: These are our people, Dad! I... I have to try.

Lucifer: Our "people", Charlie, are awful! They got gifted free will and look what they did with it! Everything's terrible! *wheeze* I just don't want you to put yourself on the line for people like-—

[Lucifer was interrupted when a loud thud shakes the hotel, rocking the three of them on the balcony.]

Vaggie: Geez! What now?!

Lucifer: Well, like that.

[To prove his point, Lucifer gesture to dozens of loan shark demon mafia on the ground. The loan shark mafia were armed to the teeth with guns, melee weapons, and a battering ram as they try to ram the front door open. The leader of the loan shark mafia looks up at the balcony.]

Loan shark: Mimzy! We know you're in there you lousy bitch!

[Inside, the lobby, Mimzy realizes that the loan shark mafia found her and cartoonishly goes down in a sheepish wince, now already busted.]

Mimzy: Oh, shit.

[A portal opens up by Lucifer and all three of them return to the lobby as the loan shark mafia continues to ram the front door.]

Vaggie: !Que pedo! (What the hell?!)

Charlie: What's going on?

Mimzy: I maaaaaaay be in trouble with some loan sharks I may or may not have borrowed fifty grand from—*loud thud* Eep!

[Scared, Mimzy cowers behind the bar counter to hide before peeking up to Charlie and Vaggie.]

Loan Shark: You better come out!

Mimzy: And I may have also stolen a car... and crashed it... into the loan shark's girlfriend. But that bitch had it coming!

[Before Charlie and Vaggie could even respond, the windows and the walls were barraged with fireballs from the outside. The windows crashed and the floors are hammered with fireballs. Charlie and Vaggie screamed as more fireballs came raining on them. Niffty was horrified that the windows were destroyed after cleaning it so long ago. Angel Dust scoots back to his seat after a fireball nearly hits him.]

Niffty: My windows!

[Sir Pentious realized what was happening while holding his baked cookies.]

Sir Pentious: Ah! We're under siege! *dodges a fireball* Ah! Take cover!

[Everyone in the hotel scrambles in panic and defense as more fireballs fall down on them. Charlie dodges one of the fireballs close to her. Niffty was nearly crushed by one fireball before Angel picks her up, shocked.]

Vaggie: Look out!

Angel Dust: What the fuck?!

[Angel throws Niffty out of the way, but she scurries around all over the lobby while Lucifer remains composed, oblivious to their dire situation. The lobby was on fire from the fireballs. Husk tries to put out the fire close to his bar, stomping on it in anger while Mimzy hides behind the counter. Angel runs for cover, and Sir Pentious can be heard
screaming as fireballs meteor through the windows. While everyone finds some cover, Lucifer gives Charlie a lecture that makes her angry enough to where her eye twitches.]

Lucifer: Ya see, this is exaaactly what I'm talking about, Charlie. You build something nice, you invite people in and offer them everything and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. It doesn't matter how well intentioned you are, they're always going to disappoint you.

[Niffty was on the floor recovering the windows that were shattered, unaware that falling debris was about to crush her.]

Sir Pentious: Niffty, come along!

[Sir Pentious grabs Niffty before debris nearly crush her. Vaggie appears with her spear ready at arms.]

Vaggie: All of you, get a safe distance. I'll take care of this.

[Before Vaggie could go out to deal with the mafia, Alastor appears out of nowhere and places a hand on Vaggie's spear to lower it.]

Alastor: No, my dear, leave it to me. It's time I remind everyone who they’re dealing with.

[Upon saying those sentence, Alastor turns demonic with his eyes turning to a radio dial. Mimzy pops up from the counter.]

Mimzy: Oh, finally! Took ya long enough!

[Alastor goes into his demon form as a green aura lights up from the outside. The mafia outside were just about to reload their catapult when they noticed the eerie greenish glow before Alastor turned to his full demon form.]

Alastor: A reminder to all, not to mess with the Radio Demon! *evil laugh*

[With Alastor now in his demon form, he expands his tentacle tendrils outside where one smashes the catapult, the other killing several mafia gangsters. The remaining gangsters panic at the sight of the radio demon's magic.]

Mimzy: Yeah!

[Alastor's body grows larger and limbs become longer before exiting the front door with a sinister unmoving grin.]

Alastor: I will devour each and every one of you!

[Alastor heads out to massacre the mafia for attacking the hotel. As he exits the front door, Mimzy, Charlie, and Lucifer come out to watch the bloodbath. Charlie was totally
appalled that Alastor is truly terrifying and maliciously monstrous. Lucifer nodded once to make his point. From the back point of view from the camera, Lucifer lectures Charlie about the sinners while Alastor devours and kills the mafia outside. Body parts spread all over the front door, while Lucifer was oblivious to the mess.]

Lucifer: Mhm, ya see? What I tell ya? Charlie, sinners are violent psychopaths, hell bent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can. There's really no point in trying.

Charlie: Dad, stop! He's defending this hotel! *turning to see Alastor eating a mafia loan shark* It may be a bit more sadistic than I'd hoped, but he's doing it for me! How come he can have faith in me but my own father can't?

[Nearby, behind the turned table, Angel, Sir Pentious, and Husk saw the melodrama that was occurring between Lucifer and Charlie.]

Angel Dust: Ooh, drama.

[Excited, Angel gets out a bucket of popcorn to watch the scene unfold. Husk also picks up a handful of popcorn to eat.]

[Outside, Alastor has finished massacring the mafia as he shrinks back down to his usual self, now satisfied that he's killed a lot of demons today.]

Alastor: Oh, I missed getting to let loose.

[Mimzy checks outside if the coast was clear before approaching Alastor.]

Mimzy: Oh, Alastor! What a fantastic show! Bravo! As always. Thanks for helpin' lil' old me out of a tough spot, you're always such a pal!

[A railroad debris falls close to Mimzy, making her back away in surprise.]

Mimzy: Oops. Heheheh... sorry about the mess, but I'm sure the lil' bug can take care of it for ya.

Alastor: I think you should go, Mimzy. Now.

Mimzy: Oh pff, Alastor, you're such a kidder, you! Haha, you are so funny!

Alastor: I mean it. You deliberately brought danger to this place just to have me clean up your mess. I can't have that here.

Mimzy: But you love takin' care a' me! What? You don't actually give a shit about this tacky place, do ya? Come on. I know you.

[Mimzy pokes his chest with every word in the sentence.]

Mimzy: You *pokes his chest* heartless *pokes* son- *pokes* of- *pokes* a- *pokes* bitch~

[Alastor casually moves her finger away. He moves around Mimzy before standing in front of her with his microphone stick placed in front.]

Alastor: You are welcome if you actually want to give redemption a shot, but I think we both know that's not really your style, so you need to leave.

Mimzy: Well, fine! Who needs ya? Have fun with ya little princess and ya little hotel. See if I care.

[Insulted and offended, Mimzy turns around and flips Alastor off before walking away.]

[Husk was rather amused before turning back to the melodrama between Charlie and Lucifer, now with a bucket of popcorn of his own. Angel has his, but he also has a drink to go along with it. Sir Pentious was holding a TV guide by Vox.]

Angel Dust: This is really getting good.

[In a heartfelt scene, Lucifer retreats to the lobby while Charlie follows him behind.]

Charlie: Dad… just... help me.

Lucifer: I... I can't.

Charlie: Why can't you?

Lucifer: Charlie! You don't understand. Heaven never listens. They wouldn’t listen to me. They won't listen to you.

Charlie: You don't know that!

Lucifer: I do!

[With tears filling his eyes, Lucifer begins to express his feelings through a song, More Than Anything.]

Lucifer: ♪ You didn't know that when ♪

♪ I tried this all before, my dreams were too hard to defend. ♪

♪ And in the end, ♪

♪ I won't lose it all again. Now you're the only thing worth fighting for. ♪

[While he is singing, silhouettes of higher angels appear, surrounding Lucifer with spears. Next shot shows Charlie being surrounded by spears that slowly come towards her, with Lucifer noticing them in horror, and pulls Charlie away on the other side to defend her.] ♪ More than anything, more than anything. ♪

♪ I'll shelter and adore you more than anything ♪

Charlie: *spoken* Dad, I don't need you to protect me from this.

Lucifer: I just can’t have you being crushed by them like- Like I was.

Charlie: Dad... ♪ When I was young, I didn't really know you at all. ♪

[In a flashback scene, a young Charlie saw her father by his workshop who looked all sad and moody. He notices her and takes her into his lap to show her some magic. A silhouette of Lilith appears before taking Charlie away. Charlie looks at her father sadly while Lucifer gazes at her with sadness too.]

♪ I always felt so small. ♪

♪ But I heard your stories and I was enthralled. ♪

♪ The tales about your lofty dreams, I listened breathlessly. ♪

♪ Imagining it could be me. ♪

♪ So in the end, it's the view I had of you, that showed me dreams can be worth fighting for ♪

[Flashback ends to the present.]

♪ More than anything, more than anything. ♪

♪ I need to save my people more than anything. ♪

Lucifer: ♪ I've been dyin' to find out who you are. ♪

Charlie: ♪ I've been waiting, wanting the same thing. ♪

Lucifer: ♪ Looks like the apple doesn't fall far ♪

Charlie: ♪ Took you a while ♪

Lucifer: ♪ I've missed that smile ♪

Charlie and Lucifer: ♪ All that I'm hoping' ♪

♪ now that my eyes are open, is that we can start again, ♪

♪ not be pulled apart again

'Cause in the end, You are part of who I am. ♪

Lucifer: ♪ I'll support your dream, whatever lies in store. ♪

Charlie: ♪ And who could ask for more? ♪

Lucifer: ♪ More than anything (Charlie: More than anything) ♪

♪ More than anything (Charlie: More than anything) ♪

Charlie and Lucifer: ♪ I'm grateful you're my (Charlie: father) /(Lucifer: daughter) more than anything. More than anything. ♪

[As the song ends, Lucifer and Charlie returns to the lobby after traveling across the dimension to a mystical place. Sir Pentious was teary after seeing the sweet tendered moment between Lucifer and Charlie.]

Sir Pentious: *spoken* Aww, that was ssssweet.

Lucifer: Okay, I can get you the meeting, but once you're in Heaven, I won't be able to go with you. Will you be ok?

Charlie: I'll be fine.

Lucifer: That's my girl. *sighs* Good luck kiddo.

[And with that, Lucifer turns into a violet red mist before disappearing away from the lobby. Vaggie comes over to talk to Charlie with uncertainty.]

Vaggie: This next part is going to be scary. You ready?

Charlie: I'm ready, *hugs Vaggie* cause you'll be with me.

[Vaggie looks reluctant, hoping she does not mean 'physically being in heaven']

Vaggie: In spirit, right?

Charlie: In Heaven.

Vaggie: Yay!

[Vaggie's face tenses up at the thought of going to Heaven as the episode end]

Chapter Text

[The episode begins with Vaggie and Charlie in their hotel room. Charlie is packing clothes into a suitcase while Vaggie sits on the bed, looking troubled because Charlie is overpacking a lot of things to the point she has a closet-sized suitcase, a guitar case, two extra large suitcase luggage, and a small handbag.]

Charlie: Ok, I have my warm weather clothes and my cold weather clothes. I have a light jacket, flak jacket and rain jacket- wait, does it rain in Heaven?

Vaggie: Charlie, you're only going to heaven for a few hours.

[Charlie stands up and paces a bit.]

Charlie: Vaggie, we are only going to heaven for a day. And I just want to be prepared! It's our last chance to convince heaven a soul can be redeemed.

Vaggie: Yeah, I wish I could come, sweetie, but I have that...thing.

Charlie: What thing?

Vaggie: The thing with the.. thing uhm.. dammit, I'm such a bad liar.

[Charlie takes Vaggie's hand.]

Charlie: Vaggie, you're my partner, I need you there with me.

Vaggie: *sighs* Fine.

Charlie: Yes!!

[Charlie hugs and kisses Vaggie's cheek. The scene then changes to the main hotel room, as Angel Dust stumbles into the lounge with exhaustion.]

Angel Dust: Ah, shit.

[Niffty pokes her head out of a plant pot with a feather duster before coming down to see him.]

Niffty: You look messy! What happened to you?

Angel Dust: It's who happened to me, and the answer is everyone! Twice. Val had me working 16 hours straight on a fucking whim. The absolute dickbag. UGH!

[While Angel is explaining this, he pulls his hands back to straighten his backside with crackles of bone being popped. He collapses on the couch to rest or sleep for the night. Charlie and Vaggie come into the scene with Vaggie holding two luggage suitcases and all of a sudden, the wall explodes, freaking Angel out of the couch. Angel gets annoyed that it's the second or third time the same wall that was fixed was blown up again.]

Angel Dust: Argh! What the hell is with that wall?!

[A female outline appears from the red smoke in the now-destroyed hole on the wall, holding a bomb in her hands.]

Cherri Bomb: What up, hoes! [laughs]

[Angel Dust hears the laughter and immediately gets up from the couch with excitement.]

Angel Dust: Holy hell! Cherri Bomb?! Long time no see, baby!

[Cherri jumps into the room.]

Cherri Bomb: Angie, ya bitch! You've been texting me depressing shit all day! Figured we could tear shit up like old times. It's been fucking forever!

[Cherri senses Charlie coming up behind her and gives the bomb to Charlie.]

Cherri Bomb: Here, hold this.

{Charlie freaks out and plays hot potato with the bomb.]

Charlie: Ah! Oh my god! Oh my god!

[Charlie tosses the bomb back and forth in her hands until Vaggie takes it.]

Vaggie: Nope, gimme that.

[Vaggie throws the bomb out of the oh-so broken wall and said bomb explodes 'safely'.]

Angel Dust: I love seein' ya Cherri, but I'm too tired. I need to pass out.

[Angel tries falling back down onto the couch, but Cherri catches and pulls him up.]

Cherri Bomb: Oho, you can sleep when you're double dead, fuckhead! Come on, what you really need is a recharge! A reinvigoration, a re—

Charlie: Responsible night on the town! That is a great idea! Hi! *shakes Cherri's hand* Charlie! That's my wall that you just blew up. It's so nice to meet one of Angel's friends! Aagh! He never brings anyone around.

Cherri Bomb: *snorts* Wonder why.

Charlie: [obliviously] Yeah, me too. Anyway, Angel and everyone else have been working so hard, I think they deserve to have a little fun.

Cherri Bomb: W-w-wait, they?

[Charlie waves over to Husk and Niffty. Husk doesn't seem to care much, but Niffty is shaking so fast that shaking rattling sounds can be heard from her body.]

Charlie: Yeah! Hi, everyone! Angel and his friend are taking you all out for a night of fun and relaxation!

[Cherri mistakes Charlie's suggestion and tries to make her understand.]

Cherri Bomb: Wait, I'm only here for An—

[Charlie hands Cherri Bomb a large stack of money.]

Cherri Bomb: —Ooh! Never mind, Let's Go!

Charlie: Make sure they have the best time tonight! Anyway, the portal to Heaven should be opening right about...

[Just as Charlie predicted, the portal to Heaven opens in the middle of the lounge.]

Charlie: [Screams with delight] Now!

[Charlie grabs Vaggie with both arms and throws her into the portal, and as she steps a foot inside, she turns back to the guests and workers with Cherri Bomb, waving them goodbye for the day.]

Charlie: Bye!!

[Charlie enters the portal and vanishes on the spot just before Sir Pentious walks by with a drink in his mouth. He notices Cherri Bomb and spits out his drink in shock.]

Sir Pentious: Well! If it isn't my arch-nemesis! Have you come to meet your fate in another battle, Cherri Bomb?

[Sir Pentious doesn't notice one of Charlie's discarded luggage in his way and ends up tripping over while Cherri Bomb doesn't seem to mind about him.]

Cherri Bomb: Apparently. I'm going out with Angel and I gotta drag your sorry asses along.

[Cherri Bomb takes out a piece of gum and starts chewing. Sir Pentious hears her well, and is surprised by Cherri's suggestion. He immediately goes over to her and seemed nervous while Cherri faces him and blows a bubble.]

Sir Pentious: Wait? You and me are going to be in the same place for fun? I... I didn't think this would ever happen. *panicked* What-What do I do? What-What do I wear?

[Sir Pentious grabs Cherri's shoulder for suggestion, but she doesn't like Sir Pentious touching her and grabs his claw to the point where it seems like she's crushing it.]

Cherri Bomb: Don't fuckin' touch me, ya munted dickhead.

[And with that, Cherri leaves behind the still surprised Sir Pentious who’s still wondering how to go about the situation.]

[The scene cuts in front of the golden gates of Heaven where Charlie and Vaggie are shown to be outside as the portal closes behind them.]

Charlie: Vaggie, look at this place! It's so clean! Isn't that amazing?

Vaggie: *sarcastically* Yup, super cool. Heaven. Wow.

[Charlie and Vaggie approach the front desk where a tanned-bearded figure pops up from behind his desk.]

St. Peter: Hiya! Welcome to Heaven! My name is St. Peter and mayhaps you state your name, please?

Charlie: Oh! Uhhh, uh, uh, Charlie Morningstar!

[Peter opens the book of reservations that are supposed to be a list of names they've cataloging for those who are to enter heaven.]

St. Peter: Charlie Morningstar, hmm, *mumbling names from list* I'm not seeing you on my list here, that's so odd.

Charlie: Uh, um, my dad got me this meeting, so maybe...

St. Peter: [in background] Oh, Dad! Okay!

Charlie: Try Lucifer... Morning... star?

[Peter realizes who Lucifer is.]

St. Peter: (More nervous now)Wait, THE Lucifer?! *nervously* Yeah, hoooo, hehehe. Yikes, am I right? Are you sure you're in the right place? Because I think you might be a little lost.
[Peter nervously flies down from the desk to Charlie and Vaggie. Vaggie is unamused by St. Peter, crossing her arms in disappointment.]

Vaggie: Oh, here we go.

Charlie: No, uh... we're, we're here for a meeting.

[Just then, high above the three of them, Two dark-skin angels suddenly appear in their angelic forms before turning into their humanoid forms as they land in front of Charlie and Vaggie.]

Sera: St. Peter. We can take it from here. Greetings, daughter of the Morningstar. I am Sera, the high seraphim of heaven. [Emily squeals and laughs in excitement.] You are gifted to be here.

[Emily comes forward to greet them.]

Emily: Hi! I'm Emily, the other seraphim, though you can call me Em! Emmy, E, whatever you want, I go by whatever. *giggles* Welcome to Heaven!

[Peter flies overhead to get the gates open and starts to sing as "Welcome to Heaven" begins. The gates open to reveal to Charlie and the unamused Vaggie the world of Heaven, a beautiful, clean paradise that is the complete opposite of Hell. Even the angels look completely different than the demons.]

St. Peter: Dearly beloved, it is my pleasure to say onto thee...♫ Welcome to Heaven, oh oh! ♫

St. Peter: ♫ Where the virtuous reside, 24/7, oh oh! ♫

♫ People are happy that they died, 'cause here we got no worries, got no burglaries, no strife. It's the perfect afterlife! Welcome to Heaven, oh oh! ♫

[St. Peter flies amongst many advertisements in Heaven.]

♫ Check out our sick decor! The spirits leaven, oh! ♫

♫ Please keep your brimstone off the floor, we've got the best and brightest, the politest of the lot. ♫

[St. Peter showcases and poses with many angels that were models in life]

♫ And ev-ery-one is hooot! ~♫

Emily: ♫ Gosh, I'm so pleased to show some outsiders around. After you see our realm, you'll never wanna go back down! ♫

Sera: ♫ Of course it is just temporary, I'm sorry you can't stay. ♫

[Emily and St. Peter grab hands and fly up together, before falling back down and posing with some other angels.]

St. Peter and Emily: ♫ 'Cause every single day in Heaven is a happy day! Welcome to Heaven! ♫

St. Peter: ♫Yeah!♫ [He pants after finishing the song]

[Charlie, Vaggie and Emily run hurriedly, unexpectedly passing Adam, who is drinking a soda with Lute. They both immediately pause as they see Charlie and Vaggie.]

Adam: Well I'll be a bitch, Am I seeing who I think I'm seeing?

Lute: What is she doing here? How did she even get up here?

Adam: Who cares? I'm handling this shit right now.

[Adam goes to challenge Charlie and Vaggie, but Lute stops him.]

Lute: Wait! You want to start a fight on the promenade in front of everyone?

Adam: Better than waiting for the damn extermination!

[Lute immediately grabs Adam by his collar and pulls him to shush him harshly.]

Lute: SHHH. Sir, what was the Seraphim's one rule?

Adam: Uuughhh, "No one but the exorcists can know about the exterminations". I know, fine. *slurps drink* Don't fucking shush me, bitch.

[Just before they can settle this, Sera suddenly appears behind them both, teleporting them to an office-like building with just one sway of her wings. The light goes white on the screen before reappearing to show Adam and Lute being confronted by a stern Sera.]

Sera: You should listen to your lieutenant, Adam.

[Adam turns around and looks at Sera with shock.]

Adam: Christ Sera! You can't sneak up on a guy like that, jeez.

Lute: Your highness, forgive me, but what are the hell-spawn doing here?

Sera: Well, you failed to control the demons' unrest, and now Lucifer is involved, setting up an audience for his misguided daughter. I never would have agreed to your...*Adam slurps his soda drink* "yearly activities" if I thought it would bring trouble to our doorstep. Keeping Heaven safe was my only reason for allowing it.

Adam: What do you want from me? I'm just one guy.

Sera: I want you to do whatever you need to do to keep this problem from getting any worse. Are we clear?

Adam: *sighs* Yeah. Got it.

[Vaggie and Charlie are shown in their hotel room, Vaggie putting their big tons of luggage down as Charlie sits on the bed excitedly.]

Charlie: Okay, I love Heaven! Vaggie, did you see the ice cream shop? They had sprinkles made of rainbows!

Vaggie: Those are just rainbow sprinkles.

Charlie: *stands up excitedly* Emily's going to take me to a zoo where all the animals are actually soft! You coming?

Vaggie: Uh, I need a break. But hug a koala for me.

Charlie: O.M.G! Can you imagine an actual koala? *squeals happily* See you later!

[Charlie zips right out of the door, leaving Vaggie alone for herself. She lays on the bed and sighs, but there is a knock on the door a second later. She answers it, revealing Adam, barging right in to greet her.]

Adam: Hey there, Vag-asaurus!

Vaggie: Charlie will be back soon, you need to get out, now.

[Adam enters the room, Lute behind him]

Adam: I'm not looking for the blonde, babe. I'm looking for you.

Vaggie: Why?

Adam: Maybe 'cuz you left the band. You tried for a solo career, or I guess it's more of a... duet.

Vaggie: I don't know what you're talking about.

Adam: Do you really think I wouldn't recognize one of my top girls just cuz you're out of uniform?

[Vaggie immediately grows pale when she realizes how Adam has never forgotten her. A flashback cuts to show a past Extermination. Exorcists come flying down with swords and spears as they hunt and kill every sinner they find. Screams can be heard as many demons are being massacred by the Angels. An Exorcist flies down and kills a sinner, before taking her helmet off, revealing it to be Vaggie with a shorter haircut.]

Adam: (voiceover) You were on the front lines, I wouldn't forget a bad bitch like you. It's why I named you after the best thing ever. Vaggie.(/vædʒiː/)

[Cuts back to the present with the annoyed Vaggie.]

Vaggie: Actually, it's pronounced Vaggie.(/vægiː/)

Adam: Hmmmmm- no. Anyway, you sure fucked up, didn't you?

[Cuts to a flashback of the Extermination. As Exorcists kills sinners, a cannibal child is running away while being chased by a vicious Vaggie as an Exorcist. The child runs into an alleyway where he reaches a dead end. He turns, and starts crying where he is prepared to meet his demise. However, Vaggie hesitates, seeing the innocent child right before her eyes crying in fear. She reconsiders her decision.]

Vaggie: [whispering] Go, run. Now!

[The sinner child flees from Vaggie right before Lute's shadow appears behind her. Vaggie realizes she has been spotted, dropping her spear before Lute stabs her eye out. Vaggie screams in pain. Her eye falls before Lute steps on it. She steps on Vaggie.

Lute: Sinful filth like you has NO place in Heaven.

[Lute brings up Vaggie's head and rips her wings off. Vaggie pants as she watches Adam appear before her in a shadow silhouette before Lute throws her discarded wings away and sword before she and Adam leave with her halo. The scene then changes to Vaggie stumbling down an alleyway, now with only one eye. She collapses against a dumpster, before Charlie, in the past, spots her. She puts a bandage over her missing eye, and Vaggie smiles. In return, Charlie smiles back.]

Adam: To think a traitor like you managed to land with Lilith's little hottie. Congrats on that I guess.

[The scene cuts back to the present where Lute is disgusted by their relationship.]

Lute: Love between a Demon and Angel is vile and blasphemous

Adam: Hot as fuck though. But I wonder what your bitch would think if she found out you are actually one of us, hmmm?

Vaggie: What do you want?

Adam: Simple, you work for me again and at the hearing, you're gonna help me shut this kindergarten snowflake bullshit down for good.

Vaggie: I would never be associate for someone like you again.

Adam: Oh yeah, you know, that's totally cool. I guess I'll just tell little miss butterflies and rainbows that she's been with someone who's killed-- thousands of her people. If you want your relationship to survive any longer I'll recommend taking my suggestion before everything you two built becomes broken.

[Adam and Lute leaves the room.]

[Vaggie is terrified at losing everything she built in her new life but knows she'll rather be dead before working for Adam and Lute again]

[The scene transitions to an angelic courtroom, where Charlie and Vaggie are sat down. Adam walks by on his way to his seat with Lute.]

Charlie: Oh no, not him again!

[Adam flies up and sits down beside Lute.]

Adam: What up, baby? Saw that you went to my manager. Low blow, Karen.

Sera: We are gathered here today to determine whether or not a soul in Hell can be redeemed into the heavenly realm via means of this "Hazbin Hotel". Princess Morningstar?

Charlie: *sigh* Thank you, Seraphim. *clears throat* Webster's dictionary defines redemption as—

Adam: Objection, lame and unoriginal.

Sera: Sustained. No further dictionary references please.

Charlie: Right, ok, uh, uh... uhhmmmm...

[Charlie shuffles through multiple cards, all which have various dictionary references on.]

Adam: If you have actual evidence, then show it already.

Charlie: We have a patron right now who is making incredible progress!

Adam: Who?

Charlie: Angel Dust.

Adam: Oh yeah, the porn spider right? He's totally worth being redeemed. *blows raspberry*

Charlie: Well, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?

Adam: Uhmm... w-w-well... Uhh...

Sera: Is everything ok, Adam?

Adam: Give me a damn minute, ok? *mutters*

[Adam scrawls something down on a golden piece of paper, before teleporting it over to Vaggie.]

Vaggie: *reading list* "Act selfless, don't steal, stick it to the man". Are you fucking serious?

Adam: Uh, yeah. Sure got me here, didn't it? *laughs nervously* Right, Sera?

Sera: He was the first human soul in Heaven...

Charlie: Well, I bet Angel is doing all of those things right now!

Adam: Then let's see it bruh! *snaps fingers*

[A spying orb appears in the middle of the courtroom.]

Charlie: Your honor, may I present: exhibit A.

[Scene transitions to the nightclub Angel Dust and co. are at]

Cherri Bomb: Woo! Isn't this place the fucking best?

Husk: I'll admit, "Consent" is a good name for a sex club.

Sir Pentious: Niffty, dear, what are you doing?

Niffty: I'm sweeping! Urgh, look how icky this place is!

Sir Pentious: That's because we're at a club, dear.

Niffty: Oh! I thought the hotel looked different! *giggles*

[Sir Pentious leans over to Cherri Bomb.]

Sir Pentious: Ms. Bomb, Would it be okay if I buy you a drink?

Cherri Bomb: *smugly* Why? Didn't you say we're arch-rivals?

Sir Pentious: Um...because I'm buying EVERYONE a drink!

Crowd: Free drinks! I love alcohol!

Angel Dust: Good, I need a drink after today. You know, Val, he's into this waterboarding shit now, I don't know, it's a kink.

Cherri Bomb: Angel, enough with the Val talk. He already ruined your whole day, don't let him ruin your night too. *holds out three pills* Here, take one of these and you won't be worrying about nothing.

Husk: Here we go.

Cherri Bomb: Oh look! The drunk sobered up long enough to judge us.

Husk: I ain't the one trying to get into Heaven. Look, you want to fuck up all your progress? Be my guest. I just... *sighs* I just thought you were better than that.

Cherri Bomb: Thanks, Captain Buzzkill. Come on, Angie, let's get fucked up! It's been too long.

Angel Dust: I uhh... I don't know, it's been a long night and I don't need to go too wild.

Husk: *approvingly* Hmm.

Cherri Bomb: Come on, bitch. If you've really been working that hard, you deserve a little R and R, some THC, or maybe PCP with DMT. Aw, fuck it, let's see where the night takes us, huh?

[Sir Pentious slithers back into frame holding shots.]

Angel Dust: I.. I guess?

Sir Pentious: Cherri, I bought us a shot. Because I bought everyone another shot! Hooray! *chuckles*

Crowd: Yeah! Another drink! I love alcohol!

Angel Dust: *drinks shot* ah... Fuck it, let's do it.

Husk: *sighs*

[Transitions back to the courtroom.]

Adam: Heavenly people, what more do you need to see? The porn star chose a night of debauchery. That's not a soul worthy of being in Heaven!

Charlie: Uhm, objection! Are you really telling me you've never had a drink with friends at the end of a hard day?

Adam: Uh, we don't have hard days? It's fucking Heaven. Are seriously gonna sit there and pretend like this behavior is ok?

Charlie: *growls*

Adam: *To Vaggie, with malicious intent* What do you think?

Vaggie: I-I- I have to go to the bathroom!

[Vaggie rushes out of the courtroom.]

Charlie: What? Vaggie, can you hold it?! *frustrated groan* Angel will make good decisions, come on! We have to keep watching! Please?

Sera: *sighs* Yeah, I don't know.

Emily: Yeah, let's give him a chance.

Sera: Very well, the court will allow it.

Charlie: *eyes closed* Fuck yes! I mean... heh... Thank you.

[The scene transitions back to the club, where the gang have had multiple drinks. Cherri Bomb walks into frame with 5 shots]

Cherri Bomb: Round 12, motherfuckers! Heels are coming off!

[Cherri Bomb sets the shots down on the table and hands them out to Husk, Angel and Sir Pentious]

Angel Dust: Ho ho yeah! Keep 'em comin'! Come on, right here! Come right here to daddy.

Sir Pentious: Oh, it's wonderful to have friends! *chuckles*

[Niffty reaches across the table trying to reach her shot glass.]

Niffty: Everything's spinny! *giggles*

Angel Dust: Ha, I think you're done, tiny.

Niffty: No! Gimme gimme gimme!

Cherri Bomb: Oh come on, bitch! She can handle a little more!

Angel Dust: She's like 10 pounds soaking wet and— oh shit, where'd she go?

[Niffty is shoving other patrons' drinks into a sack.]

Guys at a table: Hey you fuckhead!

Niffty: Dirty, dirty! Make it CLEAN!

Angel Dust: Damn it, Niffty. Sorry fellas, here, next one's on me. Niffty? Shit!

[Niffty's digging through a supply closet.]

Niffty: Chlorine...! Bleach...!

Cherri Bomb: Angie, the fuck you doin'? You're supposed to be relaxin', not playin' nanny!

Angel Dust: Look, she ain't used to this scene, I-I just don't want her to end up in the gutter like I used to.

Cherri Bomb: Pfft, whatever, nerd, just catch up when you're done.

Niffty: *laughing*

[Angel picks Niffty up.]

Angel Dust: STOP!! You can't take tha- GOD, Niff, why you bein' such a mess?!

Niffty: I'm... the mess? *Niffty starts crying*

Angel Dust: Oh, oh shit! Hey hey, Hey calm down. *Take deep breaths* You ain't a mess, it's fine..! *angel dust puts a finger to angel dust's mouth* Shh.. Hey, you wanna play with the kitty?

Niffty: *stops crying* yeah...

[Angel puts Niffty on Husk's head while she giggles about it.]

Husk: The hell is this?

Angel Dust: She's wasted, just go with it.

Husk: Re-Really? *Sees Niffty playing with his ears and wings* Ugh, get the...

[Scene changes to Sir Pentious falling off his seat and slithering over to Cherri Bomb at another table.]

Sir Pentious: HEY, wow!!!! Hey, so... I see the club has a sex room, so I was thinking, maybe I could help you to, uhm… HOOK up with someone?

Cherri Bomb: *snort* I'm sorry, Why would I need your help to get laid?

Sir Pentious: Uh... Uh...uhm... because I'm trying to get everybody LAID! *laughs briefly before taking by a crowd going into the the sex room*

[Crowd cheers with Sir Pentious trying to get out of the crowd going towards the 'sex room'. Many sets of eyes are visible inside]

Sir Pentious: Wait! *screams*

Cherri Bomb: You know, we can do this fucking shit every fuckin' night! You don't have to spend all your off hours "working on yourself", you little bitch.

Husk: The hotel isn't a problem in his life, it's—

Angel Dust: Valentino.

Husk: Exactly. So why don't you-

Angel Dust: No, Valentino.

[Camera pans to Valentino at a large sofa-bench talking with some succubus]

Valentino: Yeah, I'm here all the time, they know me. You're gorgeous, do you need a job? How many dicks can you suck? Ooh, I could make you a star.

Angel Dust: Let's get the fuck outta here, okay? Come on.

Valentino: [in the background] Yeah, a star.

Angel Dust: Where's Niffty?

Valentino: Porn star. OK, yup, bring me another drink or I'll fucking kill you.

[Niffty is seen running towards Valentino]

Niffty: Bad boy! *giggles*

Valentino: I said I'll fucking kill you, and I will.

Angel Dust: Excuse me. Pardon me. Get out of my way.

[Angel tumbles onto the platform and grabs Niffty, who is still running in midair as Angel holds her.]

Valentino: Holy shit, Angel Dust? What are you doing here, baby? You didn't get enough dick today?

Angel Dust: Funny.

Valentino: Who's this chiquita? You bringing me fresh meat?

[Niffty attempts to bite Valentino's finger and he yelps.]

Valentino: Oi!

Niffty: I just want a taste.

Valentino: Ehh, weird, but there's a kink for that, I'm sure!

[Angel stands up, still holding Niffty.]

Angel Dust: Fuck off, Val.

Valentino: Excuse me?

Angel Dust: I said fuck off! I may have to put up with your bullshit, but you ain't fuckin' with any of my friends.

[All the club patrons stop their tracks, looking completely shocked that anyone could even have the audacity to talk back to Valentino.]

Valentino: You forget who you're talking to? I own you, bitch.

[Valentino summons his red smoke chain and grabs Angel with it, pulling him close.]

Angel Dust: Yeah, you do, in the studio. And you can do anything you want to me there, just like our deal says. But out here, I get to do what I want. So once again, FUCK. OFF.

[Valentino smacks Angel, sending him tumbling to the side onto the ground. As Angel coughs and splutters blood from his mouth, Valentino walks over.]

Valentino: Enjoy the rest of your night, bitch, because I'm going to enjoy making you pay for it tomorrow.

Cherri Bomb: Fuckin' dickhead...

[Angel stands up and walks back to his friends while wiping blood from his mouth.]

Angel Dust: Fuck it. It was worth it.

[Husk smiles and puts a hand on Angel's back as they walk off.]

Husk: Way to go, kid.

[Niffty appears tearing off a part of Valentino's fur.]

Valentino: Ow! What the fuck?!?

Niffty: *chuckles* For my collection! *further chuckling* Wait up, guys!

Cherri Bomb: Did you just call these cunts your friends? Thought that was my job.

Angel Dust: There's room for everyone, and ya know... you could come crash with us too.

Cherri Bomb: Okay, look, Angie, I'm glad this hotel shit is workin' for you, but you know me, bitch, I'm doin' just fine! In fact, I'm gonna fuck the next guy I see, okay? But if you need me, you know where to find me, yeah?

Sir Pentious: *panting* Are the others still here? [Cherri walks into the sex room with another demon.] Aw! I didn’t even have to go through all that bullshit! [Slithers away in anger]

[Scene transitions back to the angelic courtroom.]

Charlie: See! He did everything on your checklist! He was selfless, he stopped Niffty from stealing and he stuck it to that moth man!

Adam: Uhhh... well, uh... Then, then why isn't he here then? Hm?

Emily: Yeah, why isn't he here?

[The angels observing the court all murmur together.]

Charlie: Wait... none of you know what gets someone into Heaven?

Sera: *abruptly* This questioning stops now. We know when a soul arrives, we know when they pass divine judgment, it is our job to ensure these souls are safe.

[Emily conjures Adam's list and looks over it. Three things on Adam's list are crossed out. You Didn't Know starts.]

Emily: ♫ But she was right, Sera ♫

♫ She showed us a soul can improve ♫

[Emily flies up and shows the orb with the scene of Angel defying Valentino.]

♫ He saw the light, Sera ♫

♫Checked all the boxes that you said would ♫

[Emily flies with the orb and asks the other angels observing the court.]

♫ Prove a person deserves a second chance ♫

♫Now we turn our backs, no second glance?♫

Sera: ♫ It's not as simple as you think ♫

[Emily flies back up to Sera, who takes her hands.]

♫ Not everything is spelled in ink ♫

[The camera turns back down to Charlie staring defiantly with Vaggie in the background.]

Charlie: ♫ It's not fair, Sera ♫

[Vaggie steps forward and puts a hand on Charlie's shoulder.]

Vaggie: ♫ Careful, Charlie, keep a cool head... ♫

[Charlie pulls away and looks at Sera.]

Charlie: ♫ No! Don't you care, Sera?♫

♫ That just because someone is dead♫

♫ It doesn't mean they can't resolve to change their ways ♫

[The orb shows multiple images of Angel and the others.]

♫ Turn the page ♫

♫ Escape infernal blaze ♫

Sera: ♫ I 'm sure you wish it could be so ♫

♫ But there's a lot that you don't know ♫

[Camera turns to Lute and Adam's seat abruptly.]

Lute: ♫ What are we even talkin' about? ♫

♫ Some crack-whore who fucked up already? ♫

♫ He blew his shot, like the cocks in his mouth ♫

[Lute stands up and puts her Exorcist mask on.]

♫This discussion is senseless and petty♫

[Both Adam and Lute fly up in front of Charlie, before flying over to and landing on the orb.]

Lute and Adam: ♫There's no question to be posed♫

♫He's unholy, case closed♫

♫ Did you forget that "Hell is forever"? ♫

Adam: ♫ A man only lives once ♫

♫ We'll see you in one month♫

[Adam flies off of the orb and gets closer to Charlie, who briefly turns into her full demon form.]

♫ Gotta say, I can't wait to ♫

Sera: Adam...

Adam: ♫ Come down and exterminate you! ♫

Emily: Wait!

Adam: Shit!

Emily: ♫ What are you saying? ♫

♫ Let me get this straight ♫

[Emily flies down and lands in front of the orb, which now displays a silhouette of an exorcist standing among frames, staring sadly.]

♫ You go down there and kill those poor souls? ♫

Charlie: ♫ You didn't know? ♫

Adam: Whoops!

Lute: ♫ Guess the cat's out of the bag... ♫

Adam: ♫ What's the big deal?♫

[Emily looks up at Sera.]

Emily: ♫ Sera, tell me that you didn't know ♫

Sera: ♫ I thought, since I'm older ♫

♫ It's my load to shoulder ♫

Emily: No!

[Sera flies down to Emily and takes her hands.]

Sera: ♫ You have to listen ♫

♫ It was such a hard decision ♫

♫ I wanted to save you, the anguish it takes to ♫

[Sera takes Emily's hand and forces a smile, the fire from the orb reflecting in her eyes.]
♫ Do what was required ♫

Emily: ♫ To think that I admired you ♫

[Emily tugs out of Sera's grip and flies upwards.]

♫ Well, I don't need your condescension ♫

♫ I'm not a child to protect ♫

[Emily turns in the air and questions Sera directly, before she lands in front of the orb next to Charlie]

♫ Was talk of virtue just pretension? ♫

♫ Was I too naïve to expect you ♫

♫ To heed the morals you're purveying? ♫

Charlie: ♫ That's what the fuck I've been saying! ♫

[Both Charlie and Emily fly onto the orb as the camera spins.]

Charlie and Emily: ♫ If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie! ♫

Sera: Emily!

Charlie and Emily: ♫ If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky ♫

[Emily and Charlie fly off the orb and move out of the way, showing an Exorcist murdering a demon.]

♫ The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say ♫

♫ When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again ♫

[The members of the court are shown to be horrified.]

Charlie: ♫ I was told not to trust in angels ♫

[Adam walks nearer to Vaggie.]

Adam: ♫ By her? ♫

[Lute leans on Vaggie's shoulder.]

Lute: ♫ Ha! She should know ♫

[Vaggie walks over to Charlie, who takes her hands.]

Vaggie: ♫ We should go ♫

Charlie: ♫ No! Don't you see? ♫

♫ We've come so close ♫

[The camera cuts to an above view, showing the angels all talking together and Emily refusing to listen to Sera.]

♫ Look at them fighting; they're at each other's throats ♫

Adam: ♫ Don't you act all high and mighty ♫

♫ Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar? ♫

[Adam walks through the gap between Charlie and Vaggie and approaches the orb.]

Vaggie: ♫ Don't, Adam, please! ♫

Adam: ♫ What's the fuss? ♫

♫ Why hide the fact that you're an angel ♫

[Adam sinisterly turns while Lute grabs Vaggie and pulls her over to them.]

♫ Just like us?♫

[The orb shows Vaggie in the past as an Exorcist, a shadow falling over the darkened courtroom as she spreads her wings.]
[Song ends.]

[Charlie falls to her knees in disbelief as Vaggie runs to her and Emily settles back by Sera.]

Sera: *Inhales to keep composure* I'm sorry... but this court finds that there is no evidence souls in Hell can be redeemed.

Adam: Oh, FUCK, YES!! I WIN!!! SUCK IT BITCHES. I tried to give your girlfriend a second chance but I'm glad that she turned the deal. I’ll make sure we leave nothing left of your hotel as thanks.

[Adam snaps his fingers, reopening the portal to Hell.]

Charlie: What... NO!! NO!! You can't-

Vaggie: You... Motherfu-

[Charlie and Vaggie scream as they are transported back to Hell through the portal.]

Emily: Charlie!! Don't give up on this! I'll figure something out, I promise!

Sera: That was uncalled for, Adam.

Adam: Yeah, But did you see the looks on their faces, it was.... d-d- *stammers* My mistake....

[The court, Adam, and Lute fly away.]

Emily: Extermination...of human souls!? Sinners or not there is NO reason to be doing this!

Sera: They were uprising, Emily! It is my position as the head Seraphim to protect our people at all costs. And it's your position to keep them happy and joyful.
[Sera leans forward, putting her hands on Emily's shoulders.]

Emily: How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?

Sera: Heaven needs us, Emily. Everyone looks to us... and we can't doubt ourselves or worry about the fates of demons when we have our own souls to protect. Please.... if you start to question... you could end up like Lucifer: Fallen. As your mother I won’t ever allow you to see you suffer that fate, so please, let me worry about this, ok?

[Sera kisses Emily's forehead.]

Sera: I'm sorry.

[Sera walks away. Saddened, Emily puts a hand on Adam's list gently, as the episode ends.]

Chapter Text

Ages(Physically)
20's: Charlie, Emily, Niffty, Vaggie, Velvette, Cherri Bomb

30's: Valentino, Baxter, Lute, St.Peter, Angel Dust

40's: Alastor, Lucifer, Adam, Sir Pentious

50's Vox, Carmilla, Rosie, Sera, Husk

Facts About Characters
Exorcist are female heaven-born who are selected to participate in the killings

The Cannibals are part fish with the males having red-bellied piranha traits while females more resemble Lancetfish

Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb are both Overlords as their gang wars took enough life's for them rise up the ranks

Sir Pentious is often passed by the others due to well being sir pentious while Cherri only uses the title to brag to others

The Cannibals are part fish with the males having red-bellied piranha traits while females more resemble Lancetfish

On the topic of cannibals since Vaggie never killed the cannibal kid the deal with lucifer about never harming hell-born was never terminated

Husk Died by falling off a building while in a drunken state

Niffty died after one of people she stalked stabbed her in eye

Sera was originally just assigned to take care of Emily after she was created but sera eventually saw emily has her own child with emily thinking the same for sera

Alastor picked up french so he can appear more elegant and suave to lure in more victims

Adam leads a popular rock band on his off days

Chapter Text

[The episode begins with Vaggie, Niffty, Alastor, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious and Husk all sitting in the hotel's lounge.]

Niffty: So, like where are your wings?

Vaggie: Niffty, I don't have--

Angel Dust: Did you ever think maybe she's sensitive about her lack of wings, just like her lack of tits?

[Niffty tugs at Vaggie's shirt.]

Niffty: Yeah. Where are your tits?

Vaggie: (Sighs) Any other questions?

Husk: I got one. How come every time Charlie talks to Heaven, we get in deeper and deeper shit?

Vaggie: It's not her fault. Angels are just--

Angel Dust: Liars?

Vaggie: ...Difficult. But Charlie's trying her best.

Husk: Yeah, well, her best is turning out real well so far.

Angel Dust: And where is miss fearless leader anyway? Isn't it about time for another "doomed-to-fail" plan?

Vaggie: She's upstairs. Coming up with something, I'm sure, in our room. Alone.

Alastor: Hmm.

[Alastor vanishes into black smoke. The scene changes showing Charlie in her bed under her covers softly crying. While Razzle and Dazzle comfort her with a box of tissues. Alastor reappears in her room and approaches her bedside.]

Alastor: Oh, Charlie, you look an absolute mess.

Charlie: Ugh, go away, Alastor.

[Alastor sits down on her bed while Charlie hides again under the covers.]

Alastor: Now, now is that any way to act after picking a fight with all of Heaven and dooming everyone you love?

[Charlie emerges from the covers.]

Charlie: I have enough on my mind without hearing your sadistic idea of a joke, asshole.

[Charlie wraps herself under the covers again, only for Alastor to appear laying beside her.]

Alastor: Who's joking?

[Charlie, scared, jumps and falls off of the bed.]

Alastor: You have a captive audience downstairs waiting to hear what kind of inspiring performance you have planned next.

Charlie: Ugh, I can't. How can I face them after failing them all so hard?

[Alastor repositions himself on his stomach and begins kicking his legs in the air.]

Charlie: They came here to be saved and all I gave them was more pain. (Tearing up) I'm just as bad as the cruelest Overlord in Hell. And maybe worse.

[Charlie stands and paces back and forth.]

Charlie: At least they don't go around giving false hope.

Alastor: Well, I never expected to see such a miserable display of self-loathing from you.

Charlie: Oh, eat shit, Alastor.

[Alastor adjusts himself, now laying on his side.]

Charlie: All you do is stand there, smiling while you watch us struggle and fail. I don't know how you can enjoy all this suffering so much.

[Alastor stands up, wraps his fingers on Charlie's shoulder while chuckling.]

Alastor: *Chuckles* Just because you see a smile, don't think you know what's going on underneath.

[Alastor lets go of Charlie.]

Alastor: *Grabs Charlie's face with his hand and makes her smile* A smile is a valuable tool, my dear. It inspires your friends, keeps your enemies guessing, and ensures that no matter what comes your way, you're the one in control.

Charlie: But I'm not.

[Charlie starts walking towards her bedroom window.]

Charlie: I'm the farthest thing from in control. The person I trusted most has been lying to me for years. Heaven refuses to listen.

[Charlie thuds both fists against the window.]

Charlie: Even if they did, I can't prove the hotel works. Adam has an invincible exorcist army pointed right at my doorstep and there's nothing I can do *Thuds the window* about any of it!

[Sinister music plays again and Alastor starts smiling.]

Alastor: [in a sing-song tune] I know something you don't know.

Charlie: Huh?

[Alastor walks over and grabs Charlie's arms.]

Alastor: Those big, scary angels are not quite as indestructible as they seem.

[Alastor lets go of Charlie and walks away.]

Charlie: What are you talking about?

Alastor: Just that you and your little band of misfits might stand more of a chance than you think.

Charlie: [desperately] How? I'll do anything.

Alastor: Anything? Then... let's make a deal.

Charlie: You... You want my soul?

Alastor: [sinisterly] Your soul? [brightly] Heavens, no. All I need from you is one itty-bitty favor. What's a favor between friends?

Charlie: I won't hurt anyone for you.

Alastor: Who's asking! One favor, at a time of my choosing, where you harm no one. In return, I’ll tell you what I know. Do we have a deal?

[Razzle and Dazzle both growl as Charlie puts her hands down to stop them.]

Charlie: Deal.

[Ominous music plays as both Charlie and Alastor shake hands resulting in a green demon/ghost-like aura flash throughout the room.]

[The scene cuts to Vaggie, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious and Husk now in the hotel lobby as they observe the flash happen]

[Vaggie begins heading to her and Charlie's room]

Vaggie: No. No!

[Vaggie strains and slams the bedroom door open with her spear in hand.]

Alastor: Right on cue!

Vaggie: What did you do? Let her go!

[Alastor and Charlie finish their handshake.]

Charlie: Vaggie, Stop!

Vaggie: What?

[Vaggie drops her spear.]

Vaggie: No, Charlie, please tell me you didn't--

Charlie: I made a deal with Alastor.

Vaggie: *pleads* Charlie.

Alastor: Oh, calm down. She still owns her soul.

Charlie: He gave me info that can save the hotel, but we're going to need help. The angels can be defeated, and Carmilla is the key.

Vaggie: What? Carmilla Carmine?

Charlie: She killed an exorcist in the last extermination. She knows how they can be killed.

Vaggie: She figured out the method to permanently kill them?

Charlie: If you knew this beforehand, why wouldn’t you tell me?

Vaggie: Charlie, I--

Charlie: I just need you to go to her, convince her to teach us. If she can, we might have a chance.

Vaggie: With just the seven of us?

Charlie: No, we're-- ugh, we're going to need numbers too.

[Alastor re-enters the conversation.]

Alastor: And I know just who can help. As long as Charlie can be her normal, charming self.

Charlie: What's that you said about smiles?

Alastor: *while patting Charlie's head* Good girl.

Vaggie: *whispering* Charlie, can we talk about this--

Charlie: We can talk later. Right now, we have a job to do. You with us?

Vaggie: *sighs* Ugh.

[Vaggie walks down the stairs, only to be met by a confused Angel Dust.]

Angel Dust: Uh...why did Alastor and Charlie just leave like they were runnin' away from their responsibilities. Should we be alarmed?

Vaggie: No. We have a plan, but it includes defending ourselves against the angels.

Husk: Uh- are you fuckin' high?

Vaggie: They can be killed-

Frank: Yeah! That knife lady, Camaro Carfight, killed one.

Vaggie: Wait, you knew about this?

Frank: Uh, yeah. I told Boss about it months ago.

Vaggie: *turns to Sir Pentious* He what?

Sir Pentious: What? They say insane shit all the time! How was I supposed to know this one was true?

Egg Boi: Bank accounts are a scam created by the shadow government!

Sir Pentious: SEE?

Vaggie: (sighs) What's important now is that we're going to have a fight on our hands. Look, this hotel is about to become the most dangerous place in Hell, and we....I can't guarantee your safety anymore. I still believe in Charlie's dream. I know this place can work. But none of you signed up for this *heads out the door* I'm gonna go learn how we can fight back, and when I come home....Well I'll understand if none of you are here.

[With that, Vaggie heads out the door, everyone sighing in worry for what she said.]

Sir Pentious: Well...This is awkward.

Niffty: Kay!

[Cut to Cannibal Town. Alastor escorts Charlie down the streets as he “listens” to Charlie, cleaning his monocle in the process.]

Charlie: Three years! THREE YEARS I've been sharing my life with her, and I tell her EVERYTHING! My hopes, my dreams, my insecurities, my embarrassing habits, what fucking DEODORANT I like, and she keeps something, like this, from ME? Why would she lie for so long? Did she think I wouldn't accept her? What about me—me—says un-understanding? *pauses* misunderstanding *pauses* dis-under, wait wh-

[She pauses for a moment, looking at their current location.]

Charlie: Where are we?

Alastor: Cannibal Town! There's a friend of mine I think you should meet.

Charlie: In Cannibal Town? But it's, it's...*looks at surroundings* Surprisingly nice here.

Alastor: Isn't it though? and it's all thanks to a very special someone.

[Alastor opens the door for Charlie as they enter Rosie's Emporium, where they meet the Cannibal Overlord herself at her desk speaking to a young woman at the front of a long line.]

Rosie: Well who hasn't thought about eating their first husband? I certainly would have if he didn't taste so bad! Hehe, I tell ya what, you bring ol' tall dark and armless to me, and I'll straighten him right out, Okay sweetie? *gives her card* Now here's my card a- *notices Alastor and her dorsal fin spikes up* Oh, my, stars! Do my eyes deceive me? *peeks through crowd* Alastor? *makes her way through* Alastor! Where have you been? These halls really lost some of their sparkle without your lively presence and- *notices Charlie* Oh. Who's this ya brought with you? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! *Charlie rolls her eyes* Oh I'm just kidding. I know you're an Ace in the hole.

Alastor: (Not understanding) A what now?

Rosie: But where are your manners mister? Introduce us why don't you?

Alastor: Ahh, yes. Charlie, this is Rosie, *Rosie curtsies politely* the most darling, delightful and dangerous Overlord this side of the Pentagram!

Rosie: Oh! Always such a charmer.

Alastor: And Rosie, it's my pleasure to introduce you *pushes Charlie up to her* to princess Charlie Morningstar. Daughter of Lucifer and heir to the throne of Hell!

Charlie: How do you do? *waves nervously*

Rosie: Well well! isn't this a regal surprise! *pushes her to desk* Come in! Come in! Can I offer you somethin' to eat? I'm sure I have a leg around here or somethin'. Oh, what am I thinkin'? *pokes her stomach* Small thing like you? You're probably watchin' your figure! How bout some nice pectoral fins instead?

[As she spoke she got out a box of cut off pectoral fins in little pink wrappers.]

Charlie: Um...No. no, thank you, though.

Rosie: *puts box away* Oh look at you! *pats her head* So polite! Alastor, you could learn a thing o' two.

[Rosie then proceeded to take Charlie to a table with two chairs. She sits her down on one of them and she sits on the one across from her while wrapping her forked tail around her . Alastor walks up to Rosie.]

Rosie: Well, sit down. Sit down. Tell Auntie Rosie what she can do for you. Ya know, Alastor. I got a premo-connect on a guy with about eight blocks of territory and not enough goons to run it. Prime pickin's for a deal to be made, my friend.

Alastor: Appreciate the offer *walks up to Charlie* but we're here on business of another kind.

Rosie: Well don't keep me in suspense! I'm a very busy woman *drinks cup of tea*

Charlie: Well, as you know...*panicking* The extermination is coming early. It'll be here in a month, and they're-they're coming for my hotel and my friends first, and I-I-I-I-

Alastor: *interrupts* We need your help. Well, your cannibals help at least, to fend off the attack.

Rosie: Wow! *puts down cup* When you ask a favor ya don't start small, do ya, your highness? Oh now, don't fret. *gets up* I didn't say I wouldn't help. But I assume there's more to this plan than a bunch of unarmed cannibals.

Alastor: Oh, your people will be far from helpless when we're done with them. And by the end, they will be able to eat their fill.

Rosie: Well, in that case, sure! Why not?

Charlie: Really?

Rosie: What can I say? I like your moxie girl. And old Alastor has never done me wrong before.

Charlie: Oooh! Thank you *holds her hands* thank you, thank you!

[Cut to Vaggie at the Carmine Company, as she bangs on the door.]

Vaggie: *Shouting* Carmine! Carmine, we need to speak.

[Vaggie walks up to the security camera and stares at it]

Vaggie: I know what you did on extermination day. We can talk about it inside, or I can yell about it out here.

[The door clanks open.]

Vaggie: Damn right you open that door.

[The door slams shut.]

Vaggie: Hello?

Carmilla: *Echoing* You have 2 minutes to convince me not to silence you for good.

[A spotlight is turned on revealing Carmilla]

Vaggie: Miss Carmine, I'm here on appointment from the princess to enlist your aid in the defense of Hell from the angelic extermination. We know an angel fell at your hands and the others need to know how.

Carmilla: No!

Vaggie: What do you mean, no? The princess of Hell--

Carmilla: Means nothing to me. You have to do better than that. 90 seconds.

Vaggie: With your knowledge, we wouldn't have to helplessly stand by while--

Carmilla: Clearly I am not the helpless one here. 80 seconds.

Vaggie: Well, then why? Why wouldn't you use what you know to fight?

Carmilla: To avoid the very problem you and your little friends are facing right now. I will not invite destruction into my house, on my people.

Vaggie: You think we asked for this? All Charlie has ever done is try to make things better to help her people who, news flash, include your people too.

Carmilla: And how exactly has that worked out for her? 45 seconds.

Vaggie: We didn't pick this fight, but it's here now. And they aren't going to stop with us. You didn't see the look on their leader's face. With us out of the way, it's only a matter of time before they come for the rest of you. They won't stop until all of Hell is wiped out, so you can help us make a stand here together, or you can stand alone tomorrow. And what do you think your chances will be then?

Carmilla: You're out of time.

[Carmilla jumps down and kicks Vaggie in the face. Vaggie slides on the floor]

Carmilla: Angels attack quickly, viciously, and without mercy. You'll need to defend better than that.

[The scene cuts back to Cannibal Town]

Rosie: *Through megaphone* Cannibals and Cannibettes, assemble in the square.

[Rosie walks with Charlie to the gazebo]

Rosie: Now, darling, you know I would do anything, anything for my clients, but I can't exactly command all of Cannibal Town to follow someone else into battle. Now, don't get me wrong, they love carnage and bloodshed, but to get this group into line, you got to win 'em over. *Through megaphone* Settle in! Settle in! Important meeting.

[The cannibals form a crowd around the gazebo.]

Charlie: But how do I--

Rosie: With sparkle! Razzamatazz! And that oh so appealing moxie of yours.

Alastor: Shouldn't be a problem. It's not like you've ever failed to inspire before.

[Charlie groans as she walks on gazebo]

Rosie: Now, fair warning. This group sticks together. So in order to convince any of them, you'll need to convince all of them. And there's one in particular--

Alastor: Uuuugh, Susan.

Rosie: Susan, who's a bit of an... uh--

Alastor: Ornery old bitch?

Rosie: That! She's tough, but win her over and the rest will be easy as pie. Ready?

Charlie: I guess.

Rosie: *Through megaphone* Everyone, we have a very special, very royal guest this evening! Please put your bloody hands together for Princess Charlie!
[Charlie smiles awkwardly and waves at the crowd. Then, she hears someone booing.]

Susan: Booooo, bring Rosie back!

Charlie: Susan?

Rosie and Alastor: Susan.

Charlie: [Laughs nervously] Sorry. Uh, okay, uh, my name's Charlie, and...

[Susan and Charlie both speak at the same time]

Charlie: Well, I run this hotel with my part... well someone and...Wait, let me start over. Angels are coming to kill us all and we need help defending our realm. So-- we, uh... we need your help-- With your assistance, we can make a stand for-- [Charlie sings] ♫I...I have a dream♫ and I--

Susan: *Yelling* Booooo! Get off the stage, you blue blood bitch! Booo! We don't give a shit about some hotel! Leave before I eat those big-ass eyes of yours! Boo! Get off! Where's the showmanship? Where's all the finesse? Fucking mediocre!

Charlie: *flips Susan off* FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH!!!!!

[Cannibal crowd gasps with many of dorsal fins flaring up in surprise]

Rosie: Okay! We'll be back after a brief intermission.

[Rosie moves Charlie away from the stage]

[Cut back to Vaggie and Carmilla fighting. Vaggie is slammed onto a pillar but then starts charging at Carmilla. Carmilla kicks Vaggie onto the floor. Vaggie gets up and starts charging again. But again, Carmilla kicks her onto the floor. Vaggie gets up and just barley points her spear at Carmilla before being kicked onto the floor again]

Vaggie: Ow!

[Vaggie gets up, only to be kicked yet again. She strikes at Carmilla twice but she dodges both times and kicks Vaggie again]

Vaggie: Come on, what is this?

Carmilla: You want me to teach you how to beat angels? That's what I'm doing.

Vaggie: By beating the shit out of me? I'm not used to fighting with long hair.

[As Vaggie charged at Carmilla, the latter took her hairnet down, revealing her full hair at lower position]

Carmilla: By showing you the flaws in your own fighting style. Yours and all your sisters.

Vaggie: Wait... you know I'm an exorcist? How?

Carmilla: You have a giant X over your eye and wield an angelic spear. It's not rocket science. Before you found out about me, did you know angels could be harmed?

Vaggie: Never figured till it happened to me.

[Carmilla goes to kick her again but this time Vaggie dodges. She goes for a knee kick, and it hits]

Carmilla: That shows in how you fight. You leave yourself open with every swing. You fight like someone unafraid of harm, and this is what you'll take advantage of. Angels wield no shields, little armor and fight with reckless abandon. Strike them here, here, and here. [Kicks Vaggie 3 times in different spots]

Vaggie: Argh! With what? Some secret weapon of yours?

Carmilla: Stupid girl, are you really so dense you don't realize you're holding the answer?

Vaggie: Angelic weapons? But how do we get enough to defend ourselves?

Carmilla: Angelic steel isn't common, and those who have it aren't exactly rushing off to test it against exorcists.

[Scene cuts to a flashback with Carmilla and her daughters during the last extermination trying to avoid exorcists. But as they are running, they get caught by 3 of them.]

Carmilla: When my daughters and I were cornered in that last extermination, I tried to buy time for my girls to flee, and well... You don't become an angelic arms dealer without arming yourself first.

[One of the exorcists flies in the air and charges at Carmilla. She then jumps in the air. The angelic steel blade on her boots sparkle, as she falls down and uses the blades to cut the exorcist's head off]

[The scene cuts back to Carmilla and Vaggie as Carmilla begins to sing Out For Love]

Carmilla: ♫I see you're driven by your detestation♫

♫Your every step is stoked with animus♫

♫You need a different type of motivation♫

♫Or there's no way that you can handle this♫

♫I know you're thirstin' for vengeance, Vaggie♫

♫You're out for blood♫

♫But you'll only stand a chance if you're out for love♫

♫Out for love~♫

♫Love~♫

[As she sings, Carmilla and Vaggie continue to spar]

Carmilla: ♫Think of who you care about♫

♫Protect them and be out♫

♫For love~♫

♫Love~♫

♫You're gonna fight without gloves♫

♫Long as you're out for love♫

♫Fuel yourself with the fear of losin'♫

♫That somebody who's your reason to live♫

♫Harnеss your heart and you can't help choosin'♫

♫To fight with all you can give♫

♫I know you'rе thirstin' for vengeance, Vaggie♫

♫You're out for blood♫

♫But you'll only stand a chance if you're out for love♫

♫Out for love~♫

♫Love~♫

♫Think of who you care about♫

♫Protect them and be out♫

♫For love~♫

♫Love~♫

♫You're gonna fight without gloves♫

♫And when that push comes to shove♫

♫Yeah, you just might rise above♫

♫Long as you're out for love♫

[Vaggie jumps into the air when suddenly, she grows a new pair of Angel wings]

Carmilla: Well, look at that. You might just survive this.

Vaggie: Well first we're going to need more weapons.

[Cut back to Rosie and Charlie. The former takes the latter to her room.]

Rosie: Alright, what has you so out of sorts, Darlin? Ya clearly got more on your mind than angels

Charlie: *Sighs* What do you do when someone you love lies to you about who they are?

Rosie: Romance? My specialty! Come on, dearie. Details, details!

Charlie: My girlfriend is an Exorcist angel, and she never told me

Rosie: Oh! Quite a secret. How does that make you feel?

Charlie: Just, angry, because we share everything, because she always supported me, and my ideas, and-and- and now, I don't know whether or not that was just more of the lies! *gasp* Oh no that's a horrible thing to think! Do i think that?! Yes! N-no. Kinda? *sits on couch whimpering*

Rosie: You said you love this girl?

Charlie: Yes. Or well, I...yes

Rosie: Have you ever once doubted that she loved you in return?

[As she spoke, Rosie sits down next to Charlie, who shakes her head at the question.]

Rosie: Well, then what's the problem?

Charlie: She took part in the very thing we've been working so hard to end!

Rosie: Well, isn't that silly hotel of yours all about redemption?

Charlie: Yes?

Rosie: Perhaps this girl, was trying to redeem herself too.

Charlie: She knows better than anyone that i believe in second chances, why not tell me?

Rosie: It can be difficult to admit to things you're not proud of, especially if those things hurt the ones you love. She screwed up, sure. She's flawed. But, hey, who down here isn't? If there's anything I've learned, it's that words are cheap, but actions, they speak the truth. So, what have her actions said?

Charlie: That she believes in me, and what we're doing. Right now she's off learning how to protect everything we've worked for. And, I can't even pitch my hotel right!

Rosie: Well how do you normally explain your hotel?

Charlie: By singing. But that never works.

Rosie: It will work here. Trust me.

[Cut back to the crowd. Charlie and Rosie both walk back up on the stage. Alastor hands Charlie his microphone, and Charlie begins to sing Ready For This]

Charlie: ♫Have you ever wanted something♫

♫That was so clear in your mind that you could taste it?♫

Susan: You mean like human flesh?

Charlie: Eugh, sort of

♫It's a feeling like a rumbling in your gut♫

♫That you could finally be faced with♫

♫A billion needy faces, I guess what I mean to say is♫

♫For the first time in my life♫

♫I might have to be ready for this♫

♫Ready to be the one who's leading from the front♫

♫Gotta come into my own♫

♫Gotta come into my throne♫

♫Gotta take charge and defend my only home♫

♫And although I kinda feel unsteady♫

♫Now I need to be ready for this♫

[Charlie marches into the crowd]

Charlie: ♫Have you ever felt like you're willing to die♫

♫To save the people of your city?♫

Susan: By die, you mean use my teeth to rip off limbs?

Charlie: That's a start!

♫Cause right now, we need a leader♫

♫And it seems to me that♫

♫Destiny has picked me to be that♫

♫If you'll permit me♫

♫So who's with me?♫

[Charlie starts dancing]

Charlie: ♫Wouldn't it be super to see more of Hell?♫

♫Join up now if you like travel♫

♫Come on boys, hop in the saddle♫

♫Lotta sights to see en route to my hotel♫

♫Not to mention the camaraderie♫

♫Yes siree, you'll form life-changing friendships♫

♫With the folks along the way♫

Alastor: ♫And feast on all the angels you can eat!♫

Charlie: ♫Okay...♫

Cannibal: Free food? I'm in!

[The cannibal crowd join in on the song and start dancing as well]

Cannibal crowd: ♫It's time now to act♫

♫They're on the attack♫

[Alastor takes his microphone back and Rosie hands Charlie a parade stick]

♫When they move to strike♫

♫We will fight biting back!♫

♫We'll follow your lead♫

♫We're eager to feed♫

♫We'll sharpen our teeth♫

♫For the heavenly feast!♫

♫From this moment on, you can count on us♫

♫To be resolute and ravenous♫

♫Our appetites are whet♫

♫And we're set to seize the day♫

♫So I say, "Oh hey! Come join the flesh buffet!"♫

Charlie: ♫Well, that's a little violent♫

♫Can we tone it down?♫

Rosie: ♫Oh, don't be put off by their snarlin'♫

♫That's enthusiasm, darlin'!♫

Charlie: ♫Eh, they just seem a little murdery right now♫

Rosie: ♫Don't worry, honey♫

♫That's their thing♫

♫Keep singing♫

Charlie and Rosie: ♫We're super duper grateful♫

♫To have you folks aboard♫

Cannibal crowd: ♫Can't wait to taste an angel's wings♫

Charlie: ♫Oh, Lord...♫

♫For the first time in my life♫

[2 Cannibals grab Charlie and carry her as they all march down the road]

♫Maybe I can be ready for this♫

♫can be the marshal leading the parade♫

♫I can come into my own♫

♫And I think I've always known♫

♫My destiny could never be postponed♫

♫When Adam brings the battle here♫

♫I must appear like I'm ready for this♫

Rosie: ♫They're dancing along♫

♫They're singing her song♫

Alastor: ♫Surprised?♫

♫Why, I knew she could do it all along♫

Rosie and Alastor: ♫She's bound to pass the test as Princess of Hell♫

♫Like her Daddy she is madly power-fell!♫

Alastor: ♫She's filled with potential that I could guide♫

Rosie: ♫I concur♫

Rosie and Alastor: ♫Stick with her, you'll be on the winning side♫

All: ♫For the first time in our lives♫

♫We know that we are ready for this♫

Rosie: ♫ We'll show heaven a fight they won't forget♫

All: ♫It's time to take a stand♫

Charlie: ♫It is time to lend a hand!♫ (Cannibals: Huzzah!)

♫Against the angels and their deadly threat!♫

All: ♫We cannot take it anymore♫

♫The time has come to go to war♫

[Susan gives a nod of approval]

All: ♫Prepare to fight, we're ready for...♫

♫THIS!♫

Charlie: ♫I really hope that I'm ready for this...♫

[Scene cuts back at the gates of the hotel. Charlie is coming from the left with the army of cannibals while Vaggie is coming from the right with multiple crates of weapons]

Vaggie: Looks like you had a busy day.

Charlie: You too.

Vaggie: Charlie, I--

Charlie: Hold that thought. Err.. Ah! I got you a souvenir from Cannibal Town.

[Vaggie gasps and tears up. She goes to hug Charlie]

Vaggie: Oh, Charlie.

Charlie: The wings are new. They look nice~. Come on, let's go home.

[Both Vaggie and Charlie walk into the hotel, as they find Angel Dust, Nifty, Sir Pentious, and Husk all working on defenses for the hotel together]

Sir Pentious: Come along, let's put some effort into these fortifications.

Angel Dust: Yeah, fortify that... Well, look who decided to show up. We thought we were fightin' by ourselves.

Vaggie: You're... you're still here?

Sir Pentious: What? Do you think we're a bunch of pusssssies?

Husk: I just got used to you guys. (Scoffs) I ain't finding no new drinking buddies.

Niffty: I've named all the stains on the carpet. [giggles] That one's Fred.

Charlie: Well, looks like we have a lot of work to do.

[The screen fades to black as the episode ends]