Archive of Our Own ^beta

"I always enjoy learning about foreign customs, don't you?" Hakkai said cheerfully.

"No," Sanzo said. "And stop trying to change the subject - exactly how too far west have we come?"

"It's hard to say," Hakkai mused, looking up at the impressively corballed dry-stone ceiling above their heads.

"Give it a go," Gojyo said. "Maybe based on the interesting cultural fact that we're all buck naked and gonna be human sacrifices for these weirdos."

"Speak for yourself," Sanzo snapped. "I'm going to be a human sacrifice. You, it's just a matter of bug extermination." He struggled against his bonds, fell over and glared at the spiral carving on a rock in front of his face.

"Please! Let's just calm down!" Hakkai said over the ensuing barrage of insults from both sides. “We know the Minus Wave hasn't reached this far as none of the surprisingly large number of - please do forgive me for mentioning this, Gojyo - half-youkai have gone berserk and devoured us. I'm sure we can reason with our captors, if I can just instruct them in the basics of Chinese quickly enough."

"They're not youkai," Gojyo snarled. "The hair's the wrong shade of red and none of them don't have red eyes."

"I know you're feeling excitable, but that's no excuse for such bad grammar."

"The moment I undo these knots I'll show you bad grammar, Cho!"

"Not if I get free first and shoot him, you won't," Sanzo said, struggling upright once more.

"Maybe someone else should take on the map-reading," Hakkai sniffed. "Instead of making me do it while I'm actually driving. Goku, for instance, seeing as I'm sure he's literate, because I taught him - where is Goku? And where's Jeep?"

"Goku!" Sanzo yelled. "Where the fuck are you?" His voice reverberated around the stone chamber they were in, but there was no answer.

"Maybe the virgin sacrifice happens first," Gojyo said. "I guess that means I go last." He grinned wolfishly at Sanzo. "You next, Cherry-chan. They'll only have taken Goku first 'cos no one can believe a guy your age hasn't given it up."

"Die," Sanzo muttered, but it didn't sound like his heart was in it. "Hakkai, untie me, I need to find Goku."

"Nobody ever says please," Hakkai muttered, shoving himself over so he could awkwardly fumble at Sanzo's bonds with his own bound hands. "It really is a good thing the correspondence course on lock-picking had a chapter on working when you can't see what you're doing."

Sanzo rolled his eyes, then gave an inadvertent sigh of relief as his wrists were freed and he could bring his arms in front of himself. He rubbed feeling back into his hands and then got to work untying his legs as Hakkai unbound Gojyo.

"Uh, guys?" Gojyo said, and jerked his chin towards the passage.

The others froze. They could all see each other, dimly yet undeniably. Their prison was no longer the pitch black space it had been when they first awoke, and hadn't been for quite some time. Now they were all transfixed by what Gojyo saw: a band of light creeping closer to them, closer and closer down the narrow passageway.

Someone was coming.

"If you're lucky, maybe they devirginise you first," Gojyo said.

"Just fuck off," Sanzo hissed, looking around. In the small side chambers were large shallow stone basins with scatterings of cremated human bones. "There's nothing in here I can use for a weapon - take your limiters off, Hakkai."

"Absolutely not. I'm not without a weapon."

"Me neither," Gojyo said. "Just stand behind us."

"Don't you tell me to stand behind you in a fight," Sanzo snarled, and raised his hands.

"Fuck me," Gojyo said. "He's actually gonna use his martial arts for once."

"D'you want a fucking round kick to the teeth?"

Bright winter sunlight suddenly flooded the chamber, making them all blink. Their shadows were inky-black behind them. The carvings on the walls sprang into high relief, the spirals and circles clear to see. Hakkai let out a breath, looking around in admiration. Sanzo narrowed his eyes as a figure appeared in the bright glare, coming towards them as if walking to earth from the brightness of heaven. Gojyo summoned his shakujou to his hand, twirling it and striking sparks from the rocks about him.

"Hey, guys!" Goku said, squeezing into the chamber. "You're awake!"

"For fuck's sake," Sanzo muttered, relaxing. "Put some damn clothes on, Goku."

"Are you all right?" Hakkai said. "Where's Jeep?"

"Hey," Gojyo said. "Still a virgin?"

"Don't ask questions like that!" Goku looked at Sanzo's meaningful glare. "Er, yeah, if you must know. Did you enjoy the sunrise?"

"Did we enjoy the sunrise?" Sanzo repeated in a dangerous, low voice. "Did we enjoy being tied up in a cave naked, waiting to be sacrificed at sunrise? No, Goku. No, we did not."

"It's not a cave," Goku and Hakkai said in unison. They looked at each other in surprise. Goku politely indicated that Hakkai should go first.

"It's obviously constructed," Hakkai said, indicating the roof. Gojyo clapped a hand across his mouth before he could give any more architectural opinions.

"It's the home of one of these guys' gods," Goku said cheerfully.

"Yeah, well whoever They are They could do with tidying up," Sanzo yelled heavenwards. "There's more ash lying around here than in Gojyo's living room!" He resumed glaring at Goku. "Who are these morons going to try sacrificing me to?"

"No sacrificing!" Goku said quickly. "They told me that guests often panic about being left in the dark, so the only way to keep them here long enough to actually get the mid-winter blessing is to tie them up. I told them what I am," he added shyly, "and the druid said it didn't make much sense to tie me up waiting for a nature-blessing."

"Uh-huh," Sanzo said, cracking his knuckles. "Right. I feel so blessed. I think I should return the favour. Everyone out! I'm going to demonstrate the hands-on compassionate nature of Buddhism."

"You got it, Sanzo-sama," Gojyo said.

"Wait!" Hakkai said. "You can talk to them, Goku?"

"Yes?" Goku said. "It's not such a hard language to learn. Come on, Sanzo - a quick mid-winter skinny-dip in the river to get blessed by this god's mom -"

"Oh, yes?" Sanzo said suspiciously. "I have my suspicions as to Hir identity."

"- and then the party can start!"

"Party?" Gojyo said. "With . . . chicks? Who are also goin' in the river?" He winced as Hakkai elbowed him hard.

"Yes. Even Jeep's going swimming! Come on, Sanzo! There'll be roast pork . . . and beer . . ."

Everyone looked at Sanzo as the rage drained from his face, replaced by the mild irritation which meant he was in a relatively good mood, and up for some inter-faith dialogue.

Sanzo sniffed contemptuously and strode towards the passage. "Find me a waterfall," he threw over his shoulder. "I'll show these barbarians what mid-winter skinny-dipping's really about."