Chapter Text
I met Hum Tate in a private room at the Three Broomsticks. She was surprisingly energetic for an aging grandmother who had gone grey since before I could remember. I’d seen older photos of her and she’d been an absolute babe in her youth. I’d inherited her hair color (my mum’s was ash brown) and a lot of her facial structure. But even after the grey and wrinkles, she still managed to run her business empire (she owned a rather large chain of apocatheries) and find time to meet with her only grandchild so soon after harvesting season and greet me with the violent enthusiasm of an excited Jack Russel terrier.
Upon taking my appearance in, she gave a high pitched squeal and burst into tears. I had no idea what her fucking problem was but stood frozen in horror as she threw her self on me in a draping hug and sobbed into my shoulder. All I could do was wait for it to be over and lament that my own mother had come by her flair for the dramatic quite honestly, though Mum’s dramatics usually came in the form of guilt trips. I prayed that I did not inherit that trait when I had my own children because this was embarrassing.
“Good to see you too, Nan,” I said after I’d had enough and gently tried to nudge her away from my neck. Luckily she could be persuaded to break herself free as she took a step back to take me in, her blue eyes still misty.
“I’m so sorry darling, it’s just been so long since I’ve seen you and here you are, a beautiful young woman before me! Come, sit, darling, and have a drink with your dear old Nan! I’ve just been to the French Alps and bought a bottle of delectable bubbly for your birthday. You only turn eighteen once, after all.”
She moved towards the plush couches and low tables before the fire where a bottle of champagne, complete with two sleek expensive looking crystal glasses was waiting. Hum made quick work of popping the cork and hardly let it breathe before she poured out two glasses half full with foam. I accepted my glass from her as I sat on the couch, and she toasted me before sitting across from me. The bubbles went straight to my head with the first sip as I felt a lot less tense almost immediately. A bit of it leaked out the side of the glass after I took a more hearty slug.
“Darling you must tip the glass ever so gently in your mouth, you shouldn’t just toss it back like you’re having a pint with the lads,” Hum gently scolded me. I heeded her advice and took a much more ginger sip before sitting the glass down on the table. It did feel a lot more dignified doing it that way. I still needed to fine tune my manners probably. “So, I wanted to have a chat with you.”
“You said, in the letter,” I reminded her, hoping she’d get to it soon so we could get it over and done with. I was certain I was in for some type of lecture.
“How is school going?”
“It’s going okay. Why?”
“Well,” Hum said, tilting her gaze sheepishly to the side. “I have a bit of a proposal for you. What are your plans for after you graduate?”
“I haven’t got any,” I admitted to her, having no idea what her proposal actually was and not entirely certain that I’d even want to go along with it.
“I didn’t think so, darling,” Hum said, reaching across the table to pat my hand in a patronizing gesture. I gave her a look. “It’s nothing against you, I promise. Your mother was also wishy washy about her plans after leaving school, her father was flightly, bless them both. The only commitment she’s managed to stick to is being married to your father.”
My mum had been a stay at home mother after marrying my father and tried part time jobs from time to time but she’d always end up back at home, so I couldn’t exactly deny that Hum had a point about her. I didn’t think lowly of my mum for it, it was just what she was used to, but the last few summers home with her had ended with me desperate to get back to school and away from her. I was seriously considering staying at school during the Christmas holiday.
“I was thinking I’d give you a decent start straight out the door of your last day at Hogwarts,” Hum continued. “I’m not strictly here in Hogsmeade for you. I’m also here on business. I’ve bought a storefront right here in the village and I’m opening a shop just down the lane from here.”
“That’s great, Nan,” I told her with a polite smile. I found her business dealings and chatter really fucking boring and could feel my mind starting to drift. I did what I could to focus.
“Ah but I’m not finished, here pour yourself some more champagne and listen-,” she pushed the bottle toward me and I obliged her, though I hadn’t finished my first glass. I simply just poured more on top and experimented more with drinking gracefully, like an adult. “The shop I’m buying also has a flat above it so I thought perhaps you could just move in there and start running the shop for me. You’ll get a share in the company stocks, as well as a very generous retirement fund and when you turn twenty five, I’ll sign over ownership for the shop to you. Mind you, the store will be open before you leave school so I’ll have to find someone to man it temporarily until you’re able to take over.”
I blinked at her as I finished off the glass of champagne.
“So, what do you think of that darling?” Hum asked as she poured me another glass as she hadn’t really touched here. The offer was incredibly tempting and it would mean I didn’t have to live at home after I left school. I’d also be working very close to Hogwarts, where Professor Snape would likely still be employed long after I left the school for the last time as a student. Not that I’d want to go back. Not after the shitshow this term had been.
“It sounds amazing honestly,” I said. “But I don’t think mum would be none too pleased with me taking you up on it.”
“Why? What is her issue with me giving my favorite grandchild an early inheritance?” Hum said, frowning. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Again, I was her only fucking grandchild and that joke was far past its sell by date as she’d been making it for as long as I could remember. I still preferred her to my mother, though, I won’t lie.
“You know how she is. She thinks your favors come with strings attached. I reckon she’s upset you didn’t like her marrying my dad.”
Hum stared at me in disbelief. “Is she really still on about that? I’ve been over it for ages now, the daft woman! Is that why she refuses any gifts I try to give her?”
“Probably,” I said, a bit put off by her cluelessness but I’d always thought my mum a bit stupid for not accepting Hum’s help financially. We needlessly struggled over her pride and my dad worked himself to the bone as a janitor at the local hospital. It felt incredibly unfair.
“I’ll have to have a word with her,” Hum Tate said sternly. “But you’re an adult legally now, Calla. You can make this choice on your own. You have my word business woman to business woman, there won’t be any strings attached.”
“I didn’t think there was, so yeah, I reckon I’ll do it. It’ll give me time to figure out what I want to do with my life in peace at the very least.”
“Smart girl,” Hum said with a sly wink and toasted to my birthday once more.
———
Before I knew it, Christmas was approaching and it was almost time for students to go back home for a short spell so that they could enjoy the holidays with their family. I had signed off to stay behind, I didn’t want to face my mum just yet about the deal Hum Tate and I made less than a month ago. I’d probably have the common room and dormitory to myself for the most part. I was still the Hufflepuff Pariah and I was starting to kick myself for not branching out more and making friends in other houses but having the place to myself sounded amazing.
What didn’t feel as amazing was the fact that it was very likely that my detentions with Snape were coming to an end and I wasn’t thrilled about it. Sometimes I felt tempted to have a go at him in the middle of class so he would keep me in detention but as our dynamic evolved and we were cordial, I figured he knew exactly what I was up to. I didn’t want to push it, not with Professor Allen still hanging around.
Speaking of her, much to my relief and despite the conversation I overheard her having with Snape, she was more or less treating me the same as she’d always been before that. But she was a lot more reserved in class and tended to smile less than she had at the start of term, though she still smiled at Snape during meals and would make small gestures of affection toward him, such as touching him on his arm or hand so subtle that the only reason I knew was because I had taken to watching them and I was for sure she noticed it because we’d make eye contact from across the room, though her expression was usually neutral and it was usually very brief before I looked away and made a point to not turn and look at them more.
It wasn’t that I wanted them to break up, exactly. I honestly felt a little bit guilty that I was a point of contention in their relationship but my feelings for Snape grew stronger every day, though I’d long since decided I wouldn’t do anything about it. I didn’t hate Professor Allen but my own feelings of envy bubbled up every so often when I thought about the two of them together. She felt threatened by me and I felt threatened by her and she had the upper hand as I was a student and she was a teacher.
On the night before students were due to leave, I went down to the dungeons for my last detention. I was tired of studying and homework though I was still not caught up, so I brought a deck of playing cards, a rather ornate muggle deck that my father had bought me years ago. I was a real whiz with solitaire and it could keep me busy for hours if I got lost in it. But perhaps Snape would indulge me in playing another game with them, though I wasn’t too sure what two player games there were that weren't Go-Fish.
When I knocked, the door cracked open immediately. Snape was at his desk still so I stepped in. There was a rather large parcel sitting on his desk, torn open but I couldn’t see what was in it. I did recognize Hum Tate’s business logo stamped into the side and groaned inwardly. I had told her about the promise I’d made to Snape for letting me meet with her before I left the Three Broomsticks that day and of course, Hum Tate had been agreeable and told me she’d take care of it. I had only expected her to send some sort of coupon or voucher. But it seemed as though she’d sent him more.
“You’re just in time. I’ve only just had time to open the parcel your grandmother sent me earlier in the day.”
“What did she send?” I asked as I pulled up a chair and sat across from him at his desk.
“So far, she’s sent a voucher giving me seventy-five percent off in her shops for life. She’s also attached a letter, thanking me and apologizing for her ‘unruly granddaughter’. I haven’t opened the rest, I was waiting on you.”
I could feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Leave it to Hum to totally humiliate me in front of the man I had feelings for.
“I only asked her for the discount voucher,” I complained.
“Your grandmother is a very generous woman,” Snape said as he extracted the bulky item that made up the majority of the parcel. It too was wrapped in more brown paper. I knew by the size and the shape of it that it was probably a bottle of some expensive spirits and was not disappointed when he revealed a two century aged bottle of Scotch. Snape seemed to be taken aback upon reading the label, and looked up at me questioningly.
“I guess so,” I said, eyeballing the bottle. I wasn’t sure what to think. I knew that must’ve cost her a lot of gold but it seemed like an extravagant gift for a person she didn’t even know. “But she’s loaded so it’s a drop in the bucket to her, really.”
Snape summoned a couple of glasses from a shelf behind me and casted a chilling charm on the both of them. I stared at them both. Surely he wasn’t going to offer me a glass of it, surely he was only prepping a second glass for later, perhaps Allen was due to pop in later, after I’d left. But he poured a splash scotch into both glasses and slid one across the desk to me. I didn’t immediately accept it. I felt like it had to be some sort of trap.
“Clearly you’ve just seen me pouring the glass, it’s not as though I’ve poisoned it,” said Snape impatiently as though he were reading my mind. I still didn’t budge.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. “I don’t want to cause more problems for you with Professor Allen.”
“Amelia left for her family home earlier this evening,” Snape informed me. “I’ve long since quit talking about you with her, she’ll never find out.”
With that I picked up the glass and held my breath so I wouldn’t immediately smell or taste the scotch because I wasn’t sure if I’d like it or not as I took a small sip. I couldn’t help the grimace at the alcohol burning in my throat. I couldn’t imagine what it tasted like without being chilled.
“It’s okay,” I told him as he picked up his own glass, swirled it around for a brief moment and took a much larger drink of it. I cringed at the notion of taking that big of a drink of it, but if it bothered him he didn’t let it show as he swallowed it and smacked his lips together as though he found it to be quite tasty.
“It’s probably one of the better scotches I’ve had,” Snape concluded as he took another drink, draining the glass this time and immediately pouring himself another. I was in awe that he felt that comfortable with drinking hard liquor in front of a student. Perhaps he was in festive spirits. Perhaps the idea of time away from Allen was putting him in a good mood. The thought cheered me enough I picked up my own glass and swallowed the rest of it down in one large gulp. I immediately regretted it as I choked and coughed, willing myself to not get sick. Thankfully, I did not. I was now nice and warm and feeling very care free despite that though. I was a lightweight as I wasn’t really a drinker. Snape started to pour me another glass but I shook my head and covered the top of it with my hand. I was still recovering from my coughing fit and wasn’t keen to repeat the episode for a while.
“So am I right to assume that this is my last detention with you?” I asked him. Snape didn’t answer immediately. He opted for another pull of his drink first.
“Unfortunately, yes, this is the end of them.”
“Unfortunate for who? Me or you?” I asked innocently. I felt the butterflies start to stir again but what little scotch I had was making me too brave. Snape froze and looked at me, apparently unaware of the mistake he’d just made.
“I’m sure you’ll be glad to see the back of them,” said Snape after a moment. “Though your marks in most of your other classes haven’t been improving despite having ample time with me down here to catch up.”
“I don’t think they will, to be honest,” I said with a shrug. “But I won’t really need any NEWTs once I graduate school. My Nan is basically giving me my own shop and I’m set for life for a job.”
“To be born into privilege," Snape said disapprovingly. “You should still see your NEWTs through and make an effort to score high on them lest you grow bored of being a shop keep on your grandmother’s dime. If that wasn’t on the table, what would you want to do for a career?”
You, I thought to myself but said out loud, “Everyone keeps asking that but I honestly haven’t the slightest.”
“What do you like doing?”
This wasn’t a question that I had been asked before so I had to think about it. I enjoyed Quidditch but going professional would be a long shot. I was getting decent with glamour charms and was practically a hair care expert but I didn’t think being a beautician would be my cup of tea either. But I did like writing. I’d been writing these short little macabre stories since I was a kid and my primary school teachers before I left for Hogwarts all told me I had some talent there, but they didn’t much appreciate the subject matter I tended to write, usually about creepy adults and hideous creatures encountering small children.
“I like to write,” I said finally, a bit embarrassed, knowing that it probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“Anything else?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. He had let his stubble on his chin grow in some and I didn’t find it to be unflattering on him.
“No, not really.”
“I still think you should look for top scores on your NEWTs while you figure it out,” he said, waving dismissively as he pushed his chair back from his desk and stood. There was little hope for top scores but I wasn’t going to argue with him. Instead, I followed him over to the fireplace and sat in my usual spot on the couch and Snape in his, in the rather tattered looking arm chair he favored. He had brought the bottle of scotch with him along with his glass. I wasn’t bothered about mine. I had a vague headache forming from what little I had had.
“So what shall we do with ourselves?” I asked him as I settled back into the cushions and drew my knees up into my chest, hugging them. I wasn’t chilly but I was nervous because I wasn’t honestly sure what to expect from him tonight. There was a weird energy about him. It was probably the drink but he didn’t seem too intoxicated. “I’ve brought a deck of playing cards.”
“You could study,” Snape suggested, unhelpfully, pushing his hand into his hair line, sweeping it upwards with his fingers and away from his face. I couldn’t help but stare. He looked so much better that way. It almost made me go weak at the knees. There was zero chance I’d get any studying done in his presence. In the firelight, he looked younger, though I knew he was barely into his twenties. He just seemed older by the light of day.
“Classes are out for the holidays, I am not in the mood to study,” I informed him. “I’d settle for a good conversation. I’m still on the outs with my entire bloody house. I need to feel like a human being again, not a fucking ghost.”
“Nonsense, you’d still be able to interact with them if you were a ghost.”
“Oh har har, you’re so hilarious,” I said with narrowed eyes once I got over the shock of him actually making a joke. He even managed to keep his face dead panned. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of giving him a laugh, I still had to keep my dignity intact. “It’s a shite way to treat a person. Boo fucking who, we lost the quidditch match, like it’s the first time we’ve managed a loss.”
“You shouldn’t let it bother you so much,,” replied Snape, seriously. “It isn’t as though you’re going to have to live with them for that much longer. There are better things to focus your energy on than what others think of you, Calla.”
“Easy enough for you to say but I’ve got to live it.” It took a moment to dawn on me that he’d just called me by my first name. “Hang on, when did I move from ‘Bigbsy’ to ‘Calla’?”
“I don’t see what difference it makes,” said Snape, who shifted in his seat but otherwise remained expressionless.
The next moment seemed to last forever as I had this horrible urge to do something completely stupid. The words came spilling out of me anyway, leaving me light headed with fear.
“Do you fancy me?” I blurted out. Snape remained silent and was now refusing to look at me. I clapped a hand to my mouth to contain a gasp. “Jesus, you do!”
“Just dont-“ Snape said, holding a hand up, his expression pained. He then flicked his wand, charming the bottle of scotch to pour him out a significantly bigger measure into his glass. It was an amazing feat but he managed to down half of it in one go.
“I never intend to act upon it,” he said once the liquor had numbed him down enough to look me in the face.
“I wouldn’t mind if you did.”
“You’re young and innocent, you haven’t a clue about what you’d be getting into.”
“No, probably not but I don’t give a toss,” I confessed, feeling emboldened by his own admission. At least I knew for a fact that he reciprocated my feelings.
“Don’t talk like that,” he said sharply. “You have no idea what it does to me.”
“Now you know how I felt when you called me ‘good girl’.”
He stared at me intensely, the dancing flames in the fireplace reflecting oddly in his dark eyes, leaving me fearful of what his next words would be while simultaneously being on tenterhooks of hope.
“Is that really what you want? To carry on in secret? Knowing you’d be sharing me with Amelia until the end of the school year?”
“Would you actually finish it with her at that point?”
“It’s inevitable at this juncture. She doesn’t trust me and I haven’t exactly been treating her well, not since I first felt attracted to you, which is why I say you’d have no clue as to what you’re getting yourself into with me.”
It was interesting the way he put that, as though Allen’s distrust wasn’t warranted. It almost seemed as if he thought admitting it out loud somehow excused him.
“So finish it with her now,” I said as though it were the obvious choice.
“I can’t, she’s too suspicious of you as is when nothing has happened between us. How do you think she’ll be if I suddenly end it with her right after your detentions have come to an end?”
“She’d probably go scorched earth,” I conceded with a frown. I still didn’t like the idea of it but if I wanted him, I’d have to live with it and I wanted him more than anything.
“Precisely. So again, is that what you really want? To be my secret?”
“It’s only six more months,” I pondered out loud. “I know it wouldn’t be easy but you’re worth it for me.”
The look on his face told me that he clearly didn’t think he was. I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I stood from the settee, my heart beating rapidly and approached him, holding my hand out for his, wanting him to stand, but when he took it, he pulled me down, into his lap, drawing me in to his chest, burying his face in my hair, not that it was that hard to do considering how thick it was now that I was taking better care of it.
“Are you going home tomorrow?” He asked after a long blissful while.
“No, I’m avoiding my mum.”
“Whatever for?”
I sighed and shifted up so I could speak more clearly. “She and my Nan don’t get on. She married what my Nan called ‘a feckless, gob-shite muggle.’ Mum cut us off my Nan’s money. She doesn’t know about the shop my Nan is giving me. She’s going to have a tantrum.”
“You’re of age, there isn’t much she can do about it, you may as well tell her.”
“You don’t understand. My mum wouldn’t let me have a moment of peace. It’s best left til after I’ve gathered my things from my parents’ house,” I said. “What about you? What are your plans?”
“I always stay at the castle. But I’ll be gone on Christmas Eve. I’ve agreed to have dinner with Amelia’s family.” It stung but I had to get used to this. I usually had pretty thick skin but where it concerned him, there was a weakness.
How fucked up does one person have to be to be able go from being able to look him dead in the face as he hurled insults at me in class to being curled up in his lap, agreeing to be the other woman in a love triangle? How did I become so damaged? I’d grown up in poverty but it wasn’t as though I suffered through the terrible traumas a lot of kids on the estate had been through. My parents had their moments but they loved each other and I wasn’t beaten or neglected.
But when he touched me, I did not care about anything.
“Is she coming back with you?” I tried my best to sound casual when I was feeling anything but. Snape shook his head no.
“I’ll be back later on that night, she won’t be back until New Year’s Eve.”
“Sounds like we ought to make the best of the time we have then,” I said, forcing a smile. He leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips. I was certain I’d died and gone to whatever version of heaven this was when he wrapped a hand into the hair on the back of my head and pulled me into a deeper kiss. He tasted of the scotch but I no longer found it repugnant. But I was deeply self conscious of my inexperience in snogging, sex and all the other aspects of the romantic relationship. I knew I had to be doing it wrong. Snape must’ve sensed my hesitance because he pulled away from my mouth.
“What is it?” He asked, sounding a bit impatient, his eyes never leaving my lips. I really did not want to answer his question; the idea of it was too humiliating. He’d definitely have second thoughts once I told him.
“It’s nothing,” I said, tilting forward to keep kissing him but he dodged me. The jig was up; he wasn’t going to continue until I told him. “I’m self conscious, that’s all.”
“About?”
“I don’t have experience in any of this,” I admitted, feeling my cheeks starting to burn and a horrific urge to become hysterical.
“I hadn’t deluded myself into thinking you had any. “
“Gee, thanks,” I said dryly, wondering what on earth he meant by that because it felt like a dig upon the fact that I couldn’t attract anyone, unsure if it was my looks or just my personality. Queen Calla I, the perpetual virgin who hadn’t even snogged a wizard until the ripe old age of eighteen. I was going to need a few cats to keep me company through my lonely years as a childless spinster, though I had to admit the idea of that wasn’t all that bad. I’d have more money only looking after myself and I liked cats.
“You act as though it bothers me. Part of the thrill is teaching it to you.”
“Can’t get much done here though,” I pointed out though picturing said lessons made me want to get a jump start. “And I hope you won’t teach it anything like you’ve been teaching me potions.”
“I will make no such promise,” said Snape, smirking at me. “But we will take it slow. As you said, we won’t be able to do much here at the castle.”
His arm had wound around my side, keeping me firmly in place. I had to wonder about his own needs in the meantime. I knew it was possible that he would continue to sleep with Allen, but I had harbored hope that he’d be able to abstain now that we’d declared our feelings to each other.
I couldn’t bear to think of it now. All I could really do was live in the moment.