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Bruce liked to consider himself as having a good handle on the underground scene of crime in Gotham City. He had a vast array of informers and surveillants scattered throughout the city, many of which he trusted, some he didn’t. However, in the latter cases, he had himself and his associates to investigate. These methods had been effective for years, keeping Gotham from imploding or otherwise collapsing in on itself.
Thus, Bruce took it seriously when he heard whispers of a large event happening involving the infamous costumed criminals and rogues of Gotham. The actual content of such event was vague, but the people involved were not, and the event was dated to December 4th.
The first he had heard of the event was from a bartender he was in contact with from the Iceberg Lounge. They had contacted Batman and told him a drunken Harley Quinn had talked about a meet up between several big names for an event on the date of December 4th. These names consisting of The Riddler, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Two Face, and more– all dangerous people that could spell disaster for Gotham if left in a room with each other unattended.
After Bruce had heard of the event, he was quick to get to work investigating. However, it had turned fruitless. He spoke with Jim Gordon, to which the man had nothing, before speaking with other informants and even intimidating a few henches. The lack of answers only made him more paranoid, as it meant whatever it was, whoever was running it was going through a great amount of trouble to keep the information private.
Bruce found himself spending another sleepless night, the third in a row, stressing about what could possibly happen on December 4th. He sat in front of the Bat-Computer, face buried in his hands as his temple throbbed with a blossoming stress headache at all of the possibilities. In his mind, he mulled over every detail he knew repetitively, like they were puzzle pieces and he was fixing them into new positions to see if they could make a sensible image.
“Bruce!” a voice called out, dragging him out of his thoughts. “I have something important to show you!” Bruce looked up, recognizing the voice as Tim’s.
“What is it?” he replied.
“It has to do with the investigation you’re doing about December 4th!” He declared and approached Bruce. That was just what Bruce needed to hear to brighten his day.
“A clue?” Bruce broached.
“Absolutely,” Tim replied. “I busted Scarecrow down at a warehouse. I went to go and neutralize the chemicals in his lab and found this.” He held the paper up between his fingers, displaying it to Bruce. The paper didn’t have much written on it, with no information pertaining to the actual event being detailed. Instead, it simply read:
December 4th
Plus ones welcome
Dress formal
And just like that, Bruce had his in. If he couldn’t find out what the event was, he could certainly make sure he was there when it happened and stop whatever it was. All he had to do was be someone’s “plus one.”
He briefly mused if the message was some kind of puzzle but dismissed the possibility when he truly thought it over.
“Thank you,” Bruce murmured. His mind ran at a million miles per hour, his paranoia mixing with his ambition to handle the situation.
“What do you make of it?” Tim inquired curiously.
“Not much. I still have no concept of what is going to happen on December 4th. But whatever it is, I now have a way to make sure I am there to stop it.” A sense of relief but also understanding of the coming hardship took over him. “I know where to begin.”
As it seemed, the next step in his case seemed to come full circle as it all went back to Harley Quinn.
-
Bruce was relieved but reminded himself that the work wasn’t over yet. He still had much to do, and the first step in that was somehow convincing Harley Quinn to allow him as her plus one. He needed to keep his knowledge of the situation as private as possible, and thus, he once more found himself under the alias and disguise of Matches Malone.
“Miss Quinzel?” Bruce called out as he walked into the most recent base of Harley’s that he could track down. Harley and Bruce were on friendly terms when he was under the persona of Matches Malone.
“Oh! Heya Matches, long time no see! Ya finally check outta Blackgate?” Harley replied gleefully. She was seated in front of a display of blueprints which Bruce decided he could deal with later.
“Been out. Just had to lay low for a while.” Bruce responded sparingly, even though he had a million different excuses, alibis, and stories to spew about Matches’ disappearance.
“Ah, I getcha! Well, how’ve ya been?” Harley continued.
“I’m good. Just came to ask for some help, if you don’t mind.” He smiled bashfully.
“Help? How so?” Harley turned her attention fully to Matches now, curious at what he could be asking for.
“I’m out of work right now. You’re connected with lots of big names and was wondering if I could play your bodyguard for a bit. Lord knows you don’t need it, but I just need to get my name out there again,” he explained.
“I mean, yeah, sure! Why not? It’ll be nice to have ya around! Some company is always nice, and besides, no one knows how to par-tay like you do, Matches!”
“You know it!” Bruce replied, and the two laughed.
“Sure, I’ll see if I got any big events comin’ up. Let you hang around me, say yer a big deal or whateves.” Harley’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Let’s make up some BS story about how I’m being targeted by… by…” she searched her mind for some outlandishly powerful threat, “The Court of Owls! And You’re protecting me! That will get people to take you seriously!”
“Sure Harls. But uh… what events do you have coming up that I could go with you to?”
“Oh! Right!” She put a hand to her chin as she sifted through her memories about what was coming up. “I’ve got a big thing with Ives and ‘Lina comin’ up on the sixteenth… oh! Hey!” she snapped her fingers. “Tomorrow I’m goin’ to a big event! Tons of names are gonna be there.”
“Yes, the fourth. What event is it?” Bruce asked like he didn’t already know, adjusting his sunglasses.
“Can’t tell ya! It’s a biiiiiig secret you know.” Harley chuckled at her own statement.
“Why not?” Bruce questioned with a sense of urgency that Matches shouldn’t have.
“I mean, where is the fun in just tellin’ ya?” Harley replied and grinned.
And there was the downside of working with Harley. Bruce was suddenly reminded why he didn’t go to her for help too often. She wasn’t a violent type of criminal anymore, but she still had that need for fun that made working with her too unpredictable for Bruce’s liking.
“Alright, alright, I guess I’ll see when I get there!” he relented.
“Oh! Oh my god! Let me choose your outfit! The event is totally formal dress so ya gotta look nice! I think I have some old suits around here that could fit ya! Ives and I already have the nicest dresses picked out!” Harley was quick to spiral into excited ideas and pulled Matches into her base to find an outfit for him.
“Sorry Harls, but I do have to run!” He cut her off.
“Awe man…” her face became painted with disappointment. However, it quickly wore off. “Ah whateves! Just make sure to find somethin’ nice!”
And with that, Bruce departed from Harley as all he had left to do was wait until the following day.
-
The venue for the event was incredibly formal and Bruce was becoming increasingly worried. The architecture of the place was magnificent and dignified. The location was being held in an old building in a rather obscure location. However, the interior and exterior were clearly marked with the signs of being well kept. The architecture was astounding, a beautiful mural of clouds and sun staring down at Bruce when he entered the building.
Whatever was happening was sure to be seriously dangerous if it warranted this amount of dedication. There were two separate rows of seats, Bruce following Harley down the third aisle. There was a podium at the center of the aisle between the rows.
“This is so exciting! Everything looks so great! What a magical day!” Harley squealed, to which Ivy nodded along. “I want ours to look like this, Ives!”
“This location is far too stuffy for my liking…” Ivy replied. Bruce wanted to question what Harley meant by ‘ours to look like this’ but didn’t get the chance as Harley rushed off to go and greet the other attendants. Bruce remained in his seat, and his attention was fought by every other detail in the building. Scarecrow going anywhere with other villains out of costume was insanely rare, and yet, sitting in the row in front of Bruce, was a bare-faced Jonathan Crane. Beside him was Harvey Dent, followed by Selina Kyle, who greeted Ivy and Harley. She was followed by many others as Bruce’s mind ran through all of the possibilities of what could need a venue such as this, and yet have the amount of reliability that it summoned all of these rogues into one place?
“Beautiful, ain’t it?” Harley said with a sniff and wiped an invisible tear from her eye. Bruce hummed noncommittally in response. Harley sat back down next to Bruce and Ivy, reclaiming her seat. He heard various murmurs around him and he attempted to eavesdrop but nothing of importance was truly being said. Scarecrow was complaining about losing his invitation and Harvey was murmuring about how his split color suit design completely fit the dress code and anyone who said otherwise was ‘full of it.’ The atmosphere was suspiciously light.
All of the conversation halted as a song slowly began to play. It was a regal sound that filled the air and announced its own importance. Bruce looked over, snapped out of his thoughts by the noise.
He looked over just in time to see Edward Nygma, The Riddler, enter through the large doors of the building, walking down the center of the aisle. He was dressed in a white suit with intricate details throughout. It was weird… Incredibly strange. Edward always stuck to his gimmicks to an obsessive degree. The change in color from his usual lime greens was striking and out of character. What could be so important that even Riddler was acting off? And what was his importance here that he was standing at the centerstage?
Edward stood at the center of the aisle where he picked up a small bouquet of red roses that fit perfectly in his gloved hands. He had a smile on his face that felt particularly warm. Edward was satisfied– a rare expression for The Riddler to have. The man was always seeking more, to always prove himself more, to gain more. His ambition was like no other, and seeing the man so content and pleased was making Bruce uneasy. Edward looked across the crowd and smiled a proud grin as he reached the end of the aisle and stood at the empty space in front of the rows of seats.
The tempo of the song switched to something more elegant and yet smooth and upbeat. Bruce looked over once more as the doors at the end of the aisles opened again, this time revealing Oswald Cobblepot. He was dressed in a similar attire to Edward and yet completely different. His suit, too, was white, however it had a waistcoat with a sleek coat over it. An elderly woman walked beside him, who Bruce quickly recognized as Oswald’s mother from his frequent and detailed background checks of his villains. His mother had her hands on Oswald’s arms as the two walked to the end of the aisle. His mother sat down in the front row while Oswald continued ahead.
Only when Bruce saw Oswald and Edward standing next to each other did he realize what was happening.
Oh.
It was a wedding. That was the big event.
No big criminal meet-up, no schemes, no nothing.
Bruce suddenly felt both relieved and simultaneously exhausted by his own paranoia. What had compelled him to do this again? Sure, the other rogues being there were concerning but Edward had been a P.I for over a year and Oswald had been working with the Salvation Project. Neither were exactly fit to be running a massive criminal escapade.
His mind suddenly doubled back. A wedding. Between Edward Nygma and Oswald Cobblepot? The Riddler and The Penguin? Bruce briefly mused how outlandish it sounded but as he looked up at the podium– which he only now registered as an altar, he supposed he could see it. Part of his mind felt glad that at least they seemed to be happy together, as it would decrease their chances of reoffense. The other part of his mind, completely exhausted from the paranoia this whole ordeal had caused him, wondered if they did this on purpose just to mess with him, as unlikely as it was considering all the trouble they had gone through to keep this quiet.
The idea of the two having some kind of domesticity, as the image in front of him implied, made him unnerved. It was so very strange, but he reminded himself that they were still human and were capable of having such things. Yet it didn’t quiet the feeling. He was drawn out of his thoughts when the vows began.
Oswald coughed into his hand and took out a piece of paper.
“It was ten years ago today that Edward and I met for the first time. It was at the GCPD precinct, where I had just been arrested and Edward was employed. I was probably in the worst shape ever, but Edward still found it in him to be impressed by whatever crime I had committed to get myself in the slammer that night.”
Bruce quickly was able to recall. You’d think with how many crimes he has stopped and solved some would slip through the cracks of his memory, but not Bruce. December 4th, ten years ago, Oswald had been caught for a particularly well thought out scheme resulting in the robbery of several priceless artifacts from a local museum. Of course that would impress The Riddler. That being thought, Oswald’s words were right. Bruce remembered by the time he was done with him, it looked like the man had run 10 marathons and fell into a lake.
“Unlike all the idiots at the cop shop, he was the only one who didn’t underestimate me. From that point on, we continued meeting. Especially after my darling’s criminal debut. I quickly realized he was one of the few whose company I found enjoyable. Quick witted, intelligent, funny, clever, and one of the only few who can calm me down, thank you Eddie,” Oswald smiled bashfully up at the other man, to which the man smiled back. Bruce felt more and more like he was intruding on something. “I believe that Edward and I were truly made for each other.”
“Thank you Ozzie! That was lovely.” Edward called out. “Now, ahem…” Bruce half expected Edward to break out into song or something of the like. The man was always overexcentric like that.
“There are many things that I could say about Oswald Cobblepot. I’ve realized and come to know all of these things very personally since I met him. So… heh, in chronological order, I learned he was intelligent, loyal, very lively with many lofty ambitions… Yet I’ve found him to be very loving too. He brought me a sense of stability I lacked with many others. I’m so proud to say I love this man, every aspect of him, in every way.” Edward’s voice was strong in his declaration. “So, Oswald, I look forward to many more decades between the two of us. I love you.”
“To have and to hold through better and worse,” Oswald said.
“Through sickness and in health,” Edward continued.
“Until death do us part,” they both finished.
With that, the two kissed. It was a gentle motion, Edward leaning forward and lightly steadying himself by putting his hand on Oswald’s shoulder. Oswald rested his hand on Edwards waist as their lips connected, their eyes shutting in tandem. A roar of applause (and a squeal of joy from Harley) erupted at that.
The two separated and both grinned at the audience. The guests stood and applauded, Bruce following the gesture suit. Edward retrieved the small bouquet and walked back down the aisle towards the doors to go wherever the post-ceremony meeting would be. It seemed like most details of the event had been shared word of mouth as Bruce still had no clue, and was honestly not bothering to try and learn anymore.
The guests filed out of the rows and gathered at the doors before Edward tossed the bouquet. Bruce’s instincts took over as he realized what the tradition was and what people he was surrounded with, and he threw himself as far away from the bouquet as possible. Harley and a few others scrambled to get the bouquet, as per the tradition that whoever caught it would be fated to get married next.
“I got the bouq–” a man called out but was cut off when Harley punched the man so hard he fell over, the bouquet slipping from his grasp.
“I got the bouquet! That means we gotta get married next Ives!” she called out and rushed over to Ivy. She threw her arms around her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Bruce was just internally grateful that the two grooms had been thoughtful enough to make sure the flowers were just highly realistic fakes, lest Ivy’s wrath be incurred on such a special day.
By the time the ceremony ended, Bruce’s shock and slightly uncomfortable feeling at seeing two people he had regarded as enemies for so long in such a loving state had subsided. Instead he found himself just glad they have found some sort of comfort in their lives. With that, he slinked away from the party and out of the back, deciding to return home and rest at last.