Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sakura walks down the streets, he has no real destination in mind, just letting his feet carry him to wherever. His mind is filled with thoughts from his past, he can't get his dads voice out of his head. Lately, it's been getting worse. His dreams are filled with bullies throwing rocks at his back and sticking out their legs so he trips over them, falling on his face as they point and laugh.

Sakura looks to his right to see his reflection in the window of a passing store. He narrows his eyes and scowls at himself.

‘Disgusting piece of shit.’ His thoughts tell him. ‘Oh, gross! Look at those eyes!’

Sakura studies his eyes in the reflection, one bright gold and the other dark silver. Of course he couldn't be fucking normal, could he? His glare is sharp enough to kill, he has to force himself to stop staring and continue walking.

‘What a creep, just glaring at a window. Imagine if some poor person was behind there! I'd call the cops!’ The voice says.

“Tch. Fuck off.” Sakura mutters to himself, as if the voice in his head would listen.

Heat burns under his skin with each passing day, the thoughts get worse. He's quick to snap at his friends, less tolerant of their usual playful demeanors than he usually would be. He thinks they've started to notice, asking if he was okay.

Of course he was okay. He has food, a roof over his head, and a somewhat safe living environment, even if it did get cold and lonely, when the hustle and bustle of Bofurin life dies down and he's left to sit in his silent room, ruminating in everything, no one to talk to but that voice in his head. Sakura is used to being alone, so what if it only now starts to bother him?

He's fine. He's just pissed off is all, but that's not his friends fault either, so he tries not to be too hard on them.

If only he could find somebody to fight, someone on his level who can make those thoughts quiet down for even a day, now that sounded nice.

“HEY! WE’RE TALKING TO YOU!” A loud voice snaps him from his thoughts. Sakura looks up to see a few pissed off people.

Ah, he must have zoned out for quite a while to have ended up here.

Sakura tilts his head, nonchalantly picking his ear with his finger, looking wholly uninterested, because he was.

“What were ya sayin’?” He asks, he doesn't bother looking at the other men who surround him, not giving them the satisfaction of catching him somewhat by surprise. (Perhaps it wouldn't have been a surprise if he wasn't lost in his own head).

The man with the buzzcut hair growls and huffs, stomping up to Sakura. “What's a Bofurin kid doing all the way out here?” He demands.

Sakura eyes his opponent quickly. He had tanned skin and was taller, but nothing he couldn't handle. He takes his finger out of his ear and folds his arms, cocking his head, keeping his posture slouched in a show of indifference.

“I can go wherever I want, buzzcut. What's it to you?” He asks.

“Your attitude is pissing me off, Domino, Why’d you dye your hair like that? You look retarded.”

Sakura grits his teeth, fists his hands as he stands up straighter, staring the man in the face.

“Using a slur to make yourself sound tough doesn't make you cool.” Sakura replies. “In fact, you're the kind of person I hate the most.”

“Hahaha, awwh, is the wittol guy trying to intimidate me?” The man mocks, the crowd around him laughing with him. “Get over it, kid, guess what? Nobody cares~!” He says, a light tilt in his voice.

Sakura should call for backup, he should contact his vice captains, tell them the situation and rely on their help.

He should.

But he doesn't.

Sakura punches the man square in the face. If he was looking for a fight then Sakura would give him one. The stunned silence hardly lasted a minute before he was rushed on, all men coming in to defend their pathetic excuse of a leader. Sakura felt pain from his sides as someone focused their attacks there. He turns to deliver a strong kick to their sides in turn, wriggling free from their grasps and weaving his way through the crowd as he focuses on all the weak points he knew about.

Aim for the back of the knees, it's a natural weak spot in every person, kicking them forces the person to fall down- no matter how big or strong they are.

Sakura felt his skin bruising, warm blood on his face and knuckles, when did his nose start bleeding? He elbows a guy in the face before he can put much thought to it.

Pathetic.

His mind is too occupied with handling these men, he grins to himself, the voice in his head was quieting down- too much focus poured into the fight at hand. He ignores the pain as his body warns him about the danger he's in, he's already grown used to ignoring it, ignoring the ache in his arms, the stinging, itchy sensation of his bloodied knuckles after a fight. Ignored the hunger in his stomach because he must have forgotten to eat today, it didn't matter, nothing mattered except for beating these guys asses.

He can handle this.

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“Aahh, it's just not the saaame!” Kiryu whines, throwing his arms in the air, his loose sleeves of his jacket dangling downward.

“I get what you mean, but Sakura-San won't answer his phone.” Nirei replies, pulling out his phone and looking at Sakura's contact. “Honestly, I'm getting worried.”

“Have you noticed he's not been acting like himself lately?” Suo asks, putting a finger to his chin in thought. 

“Yeah, it's not really virtuous to keep on ignoring us.” Tsugeura says.

“Come on, Tsu,” Kiryu replies. “It seems like something is going on with his personal life, I wouldn't take it to heart.”

“You're right, I'm sorry.” He hangs his head in shame.

Sakura has been more aggressive on patrols, reckless even. Insisting on taking care of problems by himself, not relying on his backup for help but instead handling everything on his own. He's been distancing himself from the others during the mornings when everyone is chatty, declining to hang out after class, and not answering his texts. It was quite worrying, everybody was on edge, but nobody wanted to pry.

Tonight was a game night, but no one could focus on the board in front of them when they couldn't help but notice the empty spot at the table.

Sakura should be here too. Everyone thought.

Nirei pulls out his phone again, staring at Sakura's profile picture. He wishes to see those three little dots pop up, indicating Sakura is writing a text. But no such bubbles appeared.

“Maybe we should go to his apartment and ask if he's alright? And I mean really alright. Sit down and chat with him?” Suo suggests.

“You know Sakura-san doesn't like talking about his feelings.” Nirei points out.

“Hmm too bad, he will have to deal with it. It's our job as vice captains to make sure our captain is performing his best, is it not?”

“Well, you do have a point.”

Suo smiles and gets up from the table. “It was a wonderful evening Kiryu-san and Tsugeura-san, but we’re going to see if we can talk to Sakura-san.” 

“I want to come too!” They both practically said at the same time.

Suo shakes his head. “We don't want to overwhelm Sakura, and it's our job to make sure he's alright. We will contact you if we need any help, alright?”

The duo made their way to Sakura's apartment, Nirei constantly checking his phone in case Sakura decided to reach out. Suo walked at a brisk pace, faster than he usually would, it was clear to Nirei how, even if he didn't show it, he was still nervous about the situation.

When they made their way up the rickety stairs, knocking on the door a few times. “Sakura, it's us.” Suo calls out.

“We just wanna make sure you're okay!” Nirei adds.

They stand and wait. Nirei nervously fidgets with the hem of his shirt, Suo with his hands behind his back, letting his anxieties simmer hidden deep in his gut.

The door opens slightly, the two can see sharp eyes peering back.

“Somethin’ wrong?” Sakura asks. “Who needs help?”

“I'd wager you do, Sakura-kun. Can we come inside? We’d like to chat.” Suo replies.

Sakura hesitates for a moment before opening the door. He turns away just as fast, going back into the bathroom.

Suo’s eyes are fast, already prepared to catch on to the slightest changes, he notices red and purple on Sakura as he turns. His sharp eyes and quick feet follow Sakura to the bathroom.

No point in hiding it anymore. They're both here now, what rotten luck.

Since when was Sakura ever lucky, though?

Sakura sits on the toilet lid and continues patching himself up.

“Sakura- what happened to you?” Nirei asks.

“Nothin’” He replies, holding the bandage roll in his mouth as he tightens a strip across his bleeding arm. Continuing to wrap it until it covers his wound entirely before going back to getting more ointment and treating his other cuts and bruisings.

Nirei runs over, fretting over Sakura while Suo stands silently, his eyes observing while he remains quiet. In a way, that silence is worse than Nireis fretting.

Sakura really wishes they'd leave him alone. He doesn't deserve their kindness, their sympathy. 

‘Piece of shit.’ His mind echoes, ‘You're using them for their kindness.’ The thought makes Sakura flinch when Nirei touches his leg. 

“Sorry! Did it hurt?” He asks

Sakura shakes his head. “‘M fine.” He mumbles.

There's bloody toilet paper in the bin, no doubt from Sakura when he tried to care for himself in the previous who knows how many days. Sakura doesn't comment on it, just looks away. When all is said and done, they're sitting in the main room, Sakura with bandages on his face, purple bruises on his arms, stomach, sides, and face.

“Why didn't you call for back up?” Suo asks.

“I could handle it.”

I don't deserve your help.

“I didn't ask if you could handle it.”

You will look down on me.

“I wanted to fight them on my own, okay?”

“That isn't everything, you've been weird all week now.”

“Sakura, we’re your friends. Can't you trust us?” Nirei asks.

I want to. More than anything.

Sakura crosses his arms, looking at the ceiling, the walls, anywhere but their eyes.

What did  a monster like you do to get such friends? You don't deserve their kindness or sympathy.

He grits his teeth. “‘Course I trust ya.” He lies. He trusts his friends but at the same time he can't help but be prepared to let go of them in an instant. The second he realizes their kindness is all a facade, that being with them will cause more harm than good. He will drop that rope before it has a chance to burn his hands.

He's been burned too many times.

“It doesn't feel like it.” Suo says. “Sakura-kun, have you considered what it's like for us when you don't rely on us to help you? It makes us feel like we’re holding you down, like we aren't good enough.”

“We just want to help you, Sakura.” Nirei says.

Sakura grits his teeth, fingers digging into his arms.

Look at what you did, you made them worry. You're supposed to be their friend, and here you are making things worse. Selfish prick.

Their questions keep coming, and though they mean well, Sakura can't help but lash out. He's getting defensive, walls up. Why are they here? Why did they come? Can't they ditch him like everyone else already? Why is this town so persistent? Why do they care so much for a piece of shit like him?

Why is it so hard to accept their kindness? Why does everyone act so kind towards him, as if it was the easiest thing to do?

If kindness was this easy… Why did nobody in his past ever show him it?

His eyes stung, he sensed tears behind his eyes that he couldn't shed. Not that he didn't want to cry, he couldn't. It felt physically impossible.

“Leave me alone!” Sakura snaps. Because anger was always easier to handle than anything else. Their kindness was overwhelming, suffocating, a trap. He felt on edge. “I'm FINE! Like I said! It was just thugs in a street that turned into a brawl, I CAN HANDLE IT!”

Nirei looks hurt by the words, Suo is hard to read as ever.

“Sakura- we just want to-”

“Leave me alone!”

“Nirei, we should go.”

“What? But Sakura-”

“He's done talking for today, he's probably overwhelmed right now, the best thing we can do is listen to his wishes.”

Sakura's heart hurts when he sees how heartbroken Nirei is, but he's also glad Suo read the situation and they got up to leave.

“We’re not mad at you Sakura, we care about you, please reach out to us whenever you feel ready.”

Sakura doesn't reply, he can't. If he does, they’ll hear how his voice wavers and cracks, shaking like a scared kitten who chased away the only people who ever cared for him. He doesn't say anything as he sees Nirei close the door to his apartment, and he doesn't make a sound as he sits alone in his cold room. 

You're a piece of shit. His mind tells him. And for once, Sakura doesn't disagree.

He struggles to breathe evenly, his mind racing, wounds aching. There's not much else he can do than lay down and fall asleep. His head hurts, his eyes sting and his throat closes in on itself.

But he doesn't cry.

He can't.

Chapter Text

Umemiya got concerned texts from Nirei about Sakura, as well as several students from his class telling him how worried they were about him, so it wasn't too much of a shock when he called for the first years to meet him on the rooftop and he saw bandages on Sakura's face.

“We’re going to host a celebration as spring comes to an end and summer begins!” Umemiya exclaims with excitement, his loud voice booming across the wave of students. “So everyone think on what you’ll want to bring for it! And don't forget about patrols, if you need any help from us or the second years, don't be afraid to ask!”

He claps his hands together “You are all dismissed!”

As everyone chatters about the celebration party,  Umemiya gently grabs Sakura's shoulder.

“Except for you.” He says in a cheery voice.

“Hah!? Whadd’ya want?”

Umemiya smiles and waves off his concerned friends. “Don't worry about him!” And, knowing Sakura is safe in the hands of Bofurin's leader, they continue walking until nobody is left on the rooftop except for Sakura and Umemiya.

“What's troubling you, Sakura?” Umemiya asks.

“Nothin’.”

“Come on, you can talk to your senpai about anything!”

“I said buzz off! Did you keep me here to tell me something important or can I go?”

“In a rush to go somewhere?”

Sakura debates on what to say. Yes he wants to go home, but maybe Umemiya kept him here on purpose, because there was something going on in town he needed to be aware of.

He decides not to answer the question.

“What's wrong, seriously, Sakura.” Umemiya asks again.

“Nothing!”

Umemiya needs a different approach to this. This was Sakura they were dealing with after all, and if he knew anything about the first year, he remembered the best way to talk to him.

Umemiya rolls his shoulders,  twists his back, and begins warm up exercises.

Sakura stares at him confused. “What are ya doin’?”

Umemiya turns to grin at Sakura.

“Let's have a conversation.”

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“I don't want to hurt you.” And it's true. Sakura fought all those guys because they deserved it. This was Bofurin's leader, the last person Sakura should be hurting.

“Just think of it as training! Don't sweat it so much, you won't hurt me!” Umemiya gives a big thumbs up and a grin. “That's a promise!”

“So this is just… Training?” 

“You got it!”

Sakura really wanted to hit something right now, and Umemiya seems insistent that he can't hurt him. This wasn't a real fight anyways. And he's always wanted to fight Umemiya. Okay, he’ll do it.

His heterochromatic eyes flash up at Umemiya's blue ones once more, lowering himself to a fighting stance as he brings his fists up, arms shielding his face. Umemiya grins and mimics the pose, letting Sakura have the first hit. Sakura swings in for a punch, but Umemiya dodges it, turning around to make a grab for Sakura's waist before Sakura bounces backwards, avoiding the grab. Sakura aims again for a punch, Umemiya lets him make contact this time, bracing himself as he gets hit. His eyes study Sakura's movements. The boy was wreckless, yes, but this felt a little too rigid for Sakura's fighting style.

“You seem kinda stiff, Sakura.” 

“‘M just warming up!” 

Sakura growls and goes to throw another punch to Umemiya's side. Umemiya lets it connect before using his elbow against Sakura's back, forcing the other on the ground. Sakura wastes no time, rolling to his left before getting up again and kicking Umemiya in the shins, making the man stumble.

“Told ya!”

Umemiya grins at Sakura. “Nice job, I'm proud of you!”

Sakura doesn't respond, but his expression darkens slightly, eyes narrow as he goes back in for another attack. His muscles ache, his bruises from the other day hurt, but he needs to fight.

He needs to prove himself.

He's just saying that. He doesn't even mean it.

“Why’re you proud of that?” He finds himself asking, not really sure why. The question surprises Sakura, he didn't expect to hear himself say it out loud, but something about Umemiya makes him want to be more open.

“Why wouldn't I be? You've come far from when you first joined us!”

Sakura aims again for Umemiya, this time trying to get in his blind spot. It almost looks like a dance, how Sakura tries to get behind Umemiya, but Umemiya is following him in a circle, it's honestly making him dizzy.

Sakura kicks out once more, putting in more force than last time. Umemiya grabs hold of his leg and lets go.

“You're going easy on me anyways. Why didn't you elbow my leg when you had the chance?” Sakura asks

“Oops, didn't think of that!” Umemiya says.

Liar. He's going easy on you because he knows you'll never be able to match him in strength.

What is his goal here?

“Stop treating me like some kind of kid! I can handle your worst! Fight back!”

“Is that what you really want?”

“Yes! That's the whole point of this… Exercise? Isn't it!?”

Was it an exercise? Or an excuse? A way to fight someone on his level without fear of hurting the other?

Sakura lunges again, and again they go through this dance, exchanging blows and hits. With each hit, Umemiya praises Sakura, saying how he's doing a good job, he's improved, faster now. Sakura doesn't say much in return.

“I haven't had to move around this much since Chiika!” Umemiya grins, rolling his shoulders again. Sakura was bouncy, he reminded him of Choji and his boundless energy.

“Stop fucking around!” Sakura gives another punch, but Umemiya catches his fist, holding it firmly in his hand as he looks down at Sakura. Sakura instinctually shrinks back.

“Sakura, throughout our fight here, do you know what I've noticed?”

Sakura swallows shakily. “What?”

“You haven't aimed for my face once this entire time.”

Sakura's eyes widened. He hadn't intentionally been avoiding Umemiya's face, it just felt… Wrong.

“You have a lot on your mind, tell me, I want to hear you. You're my little brother, yeah? Let your big brother Umemiya help you!”

Sakura grits his teeth, using all his strength to yank his arm back from Umemiya.

“You're too kind to me! All of you! Every last person here in this crazy town! And it's pissing me off!” Sakura finally yells. If Umemiya wanted to hear his thoughts then fine he would give him his thoughts.

“I joined Furin because I wanted to prove something to myself! I joined Furin because I wanted to show that a piece of shit like me could accomplish something in my life!” Sakura kicks at Umemiya. Umemiya defends, but doesn't attack back.

“I hate it! I hate all your kindness, I hate how everybody acts like they like me!”

“It's not an act.”

“Then why!? How can you all be so accepting of me? I've had to fight and claw my way to earn respect, and even then it was only because others feared me! How are you not afraid of me? How are you not disgusted? You all look me in the eyes and I never see those faces!”

The kinds of faces Sakura grew up with, the kind he's known since birth. The grimaces, glares, talking about him behind his back.

Sakura's punching Umemiya more, but his fists don't have any power to them, he's slowly losing the will to fight. Umemiya stands there, letting Sakura hit him in the chest.

“I don't deserve your kindness.”

Sakura hiccups, his voice stuttering.

Oh, he's crying.

Umemiya's eyes widen when he realizes. He looks down but Sakura has buried his face in Umemiya's chest.

“Why do you all act like kindness is such an easy thing to give? You treat it like it takes nothing for you to be kind, like it's the easiest thing in the world to do!”

“That's because it is, it's always easier to be kind to others than to be hateful.” Umemiya responds, placing his hands behind Sakura's back. Not quite a hug, but a gentle firmness to show his support.

“Then why,” Sakura asks, his voice wobbly, he struggles to take in breaths. “Why has no one ever been kind to me before?”

Umemiya's eyes sting at that. He can't cry, not right now. Sakura needs a pillar of support and he would be there to provide it.

“All I've ever known is hate, from the day I was born. All anybody has ever shown me was cruelty. I'm used to being alone, I grew up alone, but now the thought of being alone scares me more than anything.” 

Umemiya doesn't reply, this is Sakura's moment and he needs to vent it out. But he does let a few silent tears fall. His hand goes up and down the smallers back.

“If you knew the things I've done… You wouldn't be wasting your time and affection on me. I deserve to be punished, to go to hell. Why can nobody see that? I don't know what to do with this kindness you all show me… Why do I feel guilty? I feel like I'm taking advantage of everyone. If they all knew what I’d done, then surely they wouldn't…”

“Hey, Sakura.” Umemiya says gently, hugging Sakura. “I don't care what you've done in the past. Do you want to know what I see?”

“Huh?”

“I see myself in you. That same fiery passion, you have a natural aura that draws people towards you, you're so easy to love, how could we not shower you in affection? You're beautiful, both in your appearance and in your soul. You are everything Bofurin stands for and more. I couldn't be more proud to have you here with us today.”

“Umemiya…” Sakura's voice is shaky, his fists clenching the front of the leader's shirt. “How do I accept kindness? It feels like a trap, part of me is just waiting, waiting for the rug to be pulled from under my feet, waiting for that tightrope to snap, when everybody laughs at me for believing somebody like me could ever be loved.”

“It's hard, getting shown kindness when you believe you don't deserve it.” Umemiya thinks back to his childhood when he first arrived at the orphanage. He didn't deserve to be treated with such gentle care. Not when he got his parents killed. His baby sibling, who he will never know, crushed to death under the semi.

“But you do deserve it. You've fought for so long, you're so brave and kind. We all love you, Sakura. I love you, and there's nothing you can do to make us ever change our opinion of you. It's hard to accept right now, but trust in us and even when you're feeling doubtful, even on your worst days, we will always be there to cheer you on. You're a part of Bofurin now, a part of our town. And we wouldn't want it any other way.”

Sakura doesn't say much else, just clings to Umemiya's shirt for support as he cries his eyes out. Crying for the family he never had, the love he never felt, mourning the loss of his childhood and crying because he finally found a place where he belongs.

His home; Bofurin.