Archive of Our Own ^beta

Blake never thought that going out with Yang would feel so… unsettling.

Of course, not in a bad way. She couldn’t bring herself to consider her relationship with the brawler as anything other than a blessing. However, considering her past experience, she still needed some time to fully getting used to it.

Though Blake made a lot of effort to unlearn her past beliefs and move on from her trauma, it was hard for her to not constantly compare her current relationship with her previous one. Even the few similarities they had were more source of differences than anything else: holding hands, hugs, kisses. Those were things she knew... or at least thought she knew. Things she was familiar with, things she had already experience. But she’s never felt them in the way Yang was making her feel. With her, everything felt completely different, maybe even more so than if it would have been her very first time.

Maybe that was what made it so unsettling.

With Adam, those affectionate gestures were not as much present. Their relationship was born in the fire of revolution and life in the White Fang was not the easiest. Their lives as well as their love life revolved around their fight for Faunus liberation, and it left them with very little time to just be together. Retrospectively, Blake ended up realizing that except for the kisses and short hugs here and there, her relationship with Adam wasn’t that much different from when he was simply her mentor. They still spent most of their time training, plan attacks, infiltrate SDC warehouses. They were more partners than lovers, and even that statement was debatable, considering Blake’s new definition of what partnership is truly supposed to be. But in the end, maybe wasn’t that much of a bad thing, since it at least gave her the courage she needed to finally leave.

Now, even if her personal situation was way better than back then (she made new friends, got a new purpose, made up with her parents and even started dating again), it was hard to say that the global context was as much : two of the biggest kingdoms of Remnant fell, thousands of people were delocalized, Vacuo was on the verge of war... and as if it wasn’t already enough, the Crown was probably on Salem’s side now.

However, despite the uncertainties and their lack of free time, Yang seemed to have made a point of honor to show her affection toward Blake every time she could. Her hand in hers when they were walking side by side, a kiss on the cheek whenever they parted or reunited, her fingers in her hair to tame her unruly strands, her arm around her waist during their team meetings. For the brawler, all occasions seemed to be good to show her girlfriend how much she meant to her and Blake still didn’t know what to do with herself in these moments. She knew her partner was always a touchy-freely person, but it still felt so special to receive all these little gestures that regularly now.

Not to mention that unlike Adam, who didn’t want to ‘look sentimental’ in front of their mates, Yang had no problem with being openly affectionate in public. In fact, it was the total opposite; she loved it. She didn’t really pay attention if other people were watching or not, but when she did, she only seemed to stand even more proudly by her side. Not in the sense of necessarily wanting to show off, but more in the sense that she seemed grateful, honored even. Anytime someone was watching them, everything from her attitude seemed to scream without words “I know right! Do you see how lucky I am?”.

Honestly Blake still felt like she was the lucky one.

And it wasn’t just Yang’s attitude or her gestures or even her unabashed ‘I love you’s that was making Blake feel so unsettled in the best way possible. It was specifically the fact that her partner was just so naturally attentive and considerate toward her all the damn time.

For example, this time when everyone was eating at Shade’s cafeteria, the blonde got up a moment to go refill her water bottle, taking Blake’s with her as well. Even the said huntress didn’t realize it was already empty (“Welcome to Vacuo, where bottles empty faster than hopeful hearts” she read on a graffiti the first day they arrived). When Yang came back with both bottles full of fresh water, the short-haired girl looked up gratefully at her girlfriend, who in respond kissed her gently on her forehead before sitting back.

“Oh, my Gods, aren’t you tired of doing this already?” complaint Emerald, still a bit bothered by the 20 liens she lost after her bet with Nora.

Looking back at her, Yang’s expression immediately turned into a teasing-challenging look. Without hesitation, she put her elbows on the table; fingers crossed under her chin and the most naturally in the world, responded:

“Am I ever tired to show my love to the most brilliant, beautiful and amazing girl I know? Are you crazy?” She couldn’t help but wink mockingly at the green-haired girl.

Expecting an answer of this kind, Emerald just rolled her eyes while Ruby and Weiss were giggling, and Nora let out a deliberately exaggerated “awww” just to annoy her even more. But Blake was barely paying attention to that, her mind solely focused on the sweet compliments her girlfriend just gave her. Looking down, she couldn’t stop her cheeks to heat up and to smile in a way she could feel was ridiculously in aw.

She shouldn’t be surprised really, Yang’s always been like that: playful, affectionate, out and proud. And as a lover she was somehow even more of those things. As well as gentle, caring, tender, loving... She was everything Blake never thought she would’ve been allowed to have and yet she was with her.

After their meal, both teams walked to their next tasks of the day and Blake suddenly felt the metal hand of her girlfriend gently pressing her forearm, asking for her attention. The black-haired girl turned back and was surprised to meet with a concerned expression on her partner’s face.

“Hey hum... can we talk really quick?” Yang asked quietly, not wanting to draw the others attention. Not wanting this sudden request to worry her girlfriend either, she added: “I just have a question for you”

Without hesitation, Blake nodded and let their teammates know that they’ll reach out to them a bit later. Of course, Nora couldn’t resist to let out a loud “ouuuuh” before getting gently reprimanded by her leader. Jaune then told them to take their time before keeping going with the others.

When Blake turned back, about to ask what was going on, she was interrupted by her girlfriend who took her hands to bring them to her lips and kiss them tenderly. And as dumb as it was, it was enough to take the normally so calm and collected girl’s breath away.
By the time Blake was remembering how to make her lungs work, Yang let out a nervous chuckle before apologetically saying:

“Sorry, I... I couldn’t help it” She seemed sincerely sorry for getting carried away by her feelings.

Not like Blake could even pretend to be mad at her when she was making such a cute face. Well technically she could. She was capable to hide a lot of things; she had to for a very long time after all. Learnt to maintain a stern face on all circumstance, to be precautious with every single word coming out of her mouth. But she didn’t want to do that anymore, especially not with her loved ones. Especially not with Yang.
Yang who was now softly running her thumbs over her lover’s hands as she asked:

“Earlier in the cafeteria, how I answered to Emerald. Was that... too much?”

Blake didn’t hide her astonishment, barely understanding how her girlfriend could have even come to that conclusion. In which world was living the brawler to think that saying the sweetest things about her would ever be “too much” for Blake??

Seeing the confusion on her partner’s face, Yang clarified:

“It’s just that you seemed a bit... embarrassed when I said those things about you. Th-things that are true by the way!” she insisted, as if there was any risk Blake could ever doubt her word. “Or at least, that’s the impression I got...?”

To be honest, it seemed more like Yang was being the embarrassed one here, especially now that she seemed to realize that she might have read too deep into it. But Blake kept that to herself, while also trying to hide her amusement. She didn’t want to make her girlfriend feel mocked at for simply being thoughtful.
Sighing, the brawler finally got to her point:

“Anyway... you looked a bit embarrassed, and I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t overstep or something... I don’t care what the others might think, if they call me “cheesy” or “lovely dovely” or whatever. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then I would totally understand if you wanted me to stop. Your comfort is important for me, and I don’t want to assume that...”

As she was speaking the blonde’s cheeks only turned redder and redder, as well as Blake’s heart got even fuller. Thankfully her nervous rambling got put into an end when the black-haired girl cupped her face before leaning in to tenderly kiss her. Surprised at first, Yang quickly catches up, answering to the kiss by sliding her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and pulling her close. By the touch of those warm, strong arms around her, Blake felt her heart racing even more. Seriously, how could one person even have so much of an effect on her? And how could her very inconsistent luck have ever allowed her to have such a sweet, kind and considerate partner by her side? It almost seemed unfair really, as if she received so much from the universe that she would never be able to fully repay it.

Don’t get it wrong, Blake didn’t put herself down as much as before and she knew she didn’t deserve all the wrong that happened in her life. But it was easier to convince herself of that than it was to believe she deserved to receive some good too. And yet her girlfriend was still here, patient and ready to remind her how much of an amazing person she was. And Blake wanted to feel allowed to believe that, to see herself without second thoughts in Yang’s words.

Because that was the thing: Blake did believe Yang when she was saying those things, not just in the sense of "I believe that you sincerely have this opinion of me, even though I don’t agree with it". No, Blake also genuinely believed that what Yang was saying about her was the truth; that she was pretty, intelligent, valuable and deserved nothing less than respect from anyone. Or at least she was capable to agree with that consciously, because unconsciously... Let's just say that some internalized habits are hard to kill.

Not wanting to keep her girlfriend in the dark any longer (though right now the blonde seemed more than willing to wait a little bit), Blake slowly pulled out her lips from Yang’s. Right now, the brawler’s face looked just as in daze as a puppy waking up from a nap. Adorable.
At this sight, Blake felt a smile form itself on her lips and she couldn’t resist to want to tease her partner a little bit. Hands still on Yang’s cheeks, she gently rubbed her thumbs against them while replying in the smoothest way possible:

“Do I ever want my brilliant, beautiful and amazing girlfriend to stop complimenting me in public? Are you crazy?”

Not expecting her own words to get back at her like that, Yang could only gaze at her partner’s smirk before bursting out laughing.

“You truly are brilliant” she said with sparks in her eyes, holding the black-haired girl a little tighter. Still laughing, she absentmindedly replaced Blake’s bangs before adding: “As well as amazing”

Maybe this last sentence was supposed to come out flirtatiously, but the tender sub-tone in her voice told Blake just how sincere she really was. And the short-haired girl couldn’t help but gaze fondly at her girlfriend as well, drinking in her crystal-clear voice and her bright smile.
In a surge of affection, she rested her head between Yang’s neck and shoulder and placed a soft kiss just under her jaw. That simple gesture was enough to instantly make the blonde goes from loud to quiet. Blake couldn’t see her expression from where she was, but she could easily imagine her lover’s face being furiously heated up. It was comforting to know that she wasn’t the only one being overwhelmed by her feelings.
Snuggling her face a little deeper in her lover’s neck, Blake finally explained:

“I wasn’t embarrassed. I was simply touched. And I don’t care about what other people might think either. I-”

Okay, well now she was starting to feel a little bit nervous. She could leave it there or change the subject, but... it wouldn’t be fair if Yang was the only one being openly vulnerable here. The brawler just made the effort to come talk to her about her concerns, to make sure her behavior wasn’t making Blake embarrassed or uncomfortable, because she cared about what she felt. And Blake simply wanted to return the favor by being honest as well. So, taking her breath, making sure to look at her partner in the eyes, she took it upon herself and said:

“I like it when you talk to me like that. When you talk about me like that. I... really like it.”

How something so simple to say could feel so hard to let out? Blake didn’t know, but she was glad to have at least been capable to do it, even if it was clumsily.
Staring back at her, Yang’s expression could only soften, and she leaned in to put a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead.

“In that case...” whispered the blonde before putting another kiss on her partner’s nose, making said partner giggle. “I’ll make sure to keep doing it”.

Eyes closed, she then pressed her own forehead against Blake’s, and the black-haired girl couldn’t resist to let out a fond sigh. Seriously, was Yang even aware of the effect her so sweet gestures had on her girlfriend’s poor heart? Was she doing this on purpose??
Despite their embraces feeling comforting and the kisses making her feel dizzy, them being forehead to forehead was definitely Blake’s favorite gesture. It was so simple, so easy, yet it was intimate and most importantly, it was theirs. This position was fulfilling on a deep emotional level, and it never failed to make Blake feel like she was the most cherished person on Remnant for an instant. Sometimes, she wondered if Yang had any idea of the depth of her feelings towards her. Of how much her presence, or even the thought of her, was enough to make Blake feel like more than herself.
Even though she grew up in a family where she was free to fully express herself, the black-haired girl has never been very comfortable to express her feelings. Her thoughts? No problem. Her opinions? Anytime. But when it came to showing vulnerability, her old avoidance reflex was coming back with a vengeance. Sure, she didn’t let it control her actions anymore, but it didn’t mean it got any easier to feel.
For Yang though, expressing herself seemed just so... natural, so intuitive. Not hiding her emotions, showing her love to her close ones, being tender and caring toward her partner. All of it seemed as easy as breathing for her and Blake knew it wasn’t really the case (her girlfriend also had issues with her own vulnerability), but it didn’t make her look any less extraordinary in Blake’s eyes, far from it.

After a while, as they were both still drinking in each other’s presence, Yang let out a soft chuckle before saying:

“Honestly, I’m very relieved” At the sight of her partner’s questioning look, she explained: “I mean... I know I tend to not really think my behaviors through, and that it can be perceived as a lot for some people. So, I’m happy to know now that you don’t mind me being like that.” She let out another chuckle “Thankfully, because it would be a bit of a shame for me to have to stop being this way with y..."

Realizing just now that the way she phrased it might be misinterpreted, Yang immediately backed down:

“I-I mean, I wouldn’t mind it at all if you really wanted me to stop! I’m not saying it would bother me, I just-”

This time the short-haired girl didn’t hide her amusement and burst out laughing at her girlfriend’s unnecessary fluster.

“You’re fine Yang, I promise!” she said joyfully “I told you; I like it. I want it. And even if I didn’t, I know you would’ve respected my boundaries anyway” the blonde couldn’t help but let out a relieved sigh.

“Beside...” Blake added with a sweet voice as she ran her fingers on her girlfriend’s shoulders. “You’re not exactly the only one here who would find it a shame to stop something so pleasant.”

At these words, Yang cheeks turned ten shades redder, and she couldn’t help but let her eyes fall at her feet. She awkwardly tried to hide her face behind her golden bangs, but the black-haired girl could still see the tremulous smile forming itself on her lips. Yang may not know how much of an effect she has on Blake, but Blake knew exactly what kind of effect she could have on her girlfriend. Hard to ignore it, Yang was just that much of an open book, which her partner found so endearing.
Her bashfulness didn’t last long though, as the blonde gently placed her left hand on her girlfriend’s cheek to pull her close into a loving kiss. She was trying to convey through her lips all the tenderness she was capable of, and of course Blake could feel all of it. As well as her own legs weakening and her heart melting inside her chest.
Unfortunately, the huntress knew that they’ve largely over-taken their time here, and even though she could’ve literally stayed here all day, they still had their job to do. Reluctantly, she pulled out her lips from Yang’s and looked at her apologetically.

“As much as I would love to stay here kissing you... we still have food distribution to help with”

If the blonde was disappointed that their little moment had to be cut short, she didn’t show it. Instead, she gave her a comprehensive smile before bowing exaggeratedly and offering her metal palm to her partner.

“May I milady”

Blake could only roll her eyes as she barely resisted to smile. When she placed her hand on her partner’s, the blonde couldn’t resist to bring it to her lips again to a tender kiss. Blake knew nothing was apparent on her face, if it wasn’t from her pink cheeks and her lightful eyes giving her away, but inside she could feel her heart going crazy in her chest. It was dumb, but she loved it when Yang was so chivalrous with her, as if she was a princess from one of the fairy tales she uses to read when she was young.

When they set off, Blake could feel Yang’s fingers intertwine with hers, and in return, she let her thumb caressing softly the back of her hand. At this moment, the black-haired girl promised to herself that she would do everything she can to learn to show her girlfriend how much she truly means to her. How much she was loved and wanted in a way she doesn’t even realize, in a way she might have never known long enough to get used to. But Blake was determined to change that, just like her partner had the patience to help her change bit by bit her own way to see things. Just like she was making her feel ways she couldn’t have ever imagine she would one day have to get used to.