Chapter Text
Kitty’s sleepover was fun. She noticed that Marley didn’t touch any of the delicious food spread out in Kitty’s room, not even the healthier stuff. That and the fact that Marley took one too many, oddly long bathroom breaks told her all she needed to know.
When she realised that she and the other girl were the only ones still awake, she took her chance.
“Hey, um Marley?” Tina whispered just loud enough for Marley to hear, so as not to wake up the other girls.
“OH, oh, hey. You scared me. I thought I was the only one awake. Wh- what’s up?” Marley got a fright when she heard her name called, and was even more confused when she traced the sound back to Tina. The two have barely said a word to each other that wasn’t about glee or the musical.
“Are you ok? You are acting really weirdly tonight. I mean, maybe that’s just your personality, but, Kitty seems to be involved, too. What’s going on?” Tina said in one breath. She realised that beating around the bush about something got her nowhere, and being blunt meant that people were more likely to listen. God, she wished she just kept her mouth shut, though.
“Hey! Nothing is going on ok. I’m fine. Just leave me alone. I was actually trying to fall asleep before you started speaking to me.” Marley’s words came out more harsh than she expected them to and she frowned. She could tell by Tina’s face that she felt the same way. “Sorry, I’m just- just tired. Didn’t get a good night’s sleep last night, that's all.” She let out a light chuckle while clearly avoiding eye contact
Tina let her lie. She could tell that even if she pushed, Marley would never tell the truth. She is still very fragile, especially after having a not-so-warm welcome to the school, and she doesn’t trust anyone. But really, it’s clear she is going through a lot. Tina wasn’t sure it was her place. Maybe it was just a one-time thing anyway.
Both didn’t fall asleep that night.
The next day, backstage
Tina laughed and almost fell out of her chair, “Gross! I would never do that.”
“Hey, I’m just saying, mud baths are really good for your skin, and they help relax your muscles. Clearly, my abs don’t get a day off.” Mike answered, quietly chuckling.
“But you just told me they put actual poop in it too! That’s literally disgusting. I can’t believe you actually do it!” Tina exclaimed, “And don’t worry, I noticed your abs.” Tina looked Mike up and down, “Or should I say, lack thereof.” Mike’s face dropped as he gave Tina a weird look.
“Joking!” Mike took a beat to laugh and Tina regretted her attempt at a joke.
“No, I mean you look great. Really. Great…” The conversation moved into an uncomfortable silence.
Mike finally spoke again. Thank God.
“So how is school going?”
Tina takes a deep breath in. “Y’know, school is school. I don’t know, everyone has just become so weird after you guys left. I mean, obviously not me. And Mr Schue keeps giving solos to Marley. The new girl, who by the way, is a sophomore, hello? I don’t know, she gives me a weird vibe.”
Mike puts a hand on Tina’s shoulder and shrugs, “Yeah that sounds annoying. But maybe give Marley a chance. I have heard her during rehearsals, and she sounds great. You need to let other people have their moment to shine.”
Tina almost instantly shoved his hand off. This is just like last year. He hasn’t changed at all. She thought she was actually having a good time with him again. He always brought the best out in her. He loved her for all she was and she didn’t have to mask her true feelings about anything. She had thought she found her person. Someone who finally got her. Who supported her. Who got her jokes. They shared something special, but it was clearly not there anymore. She thought that maybe, for a split second, the spark shone again. But it was a false alarm, and much like a thunder cloud rolling in on a sunny day, Tina’s mood instantly shifted. Her hands clasped into fists of rage and her jaw tightened and she was reminded once again of a feeling she has been desperately trying to escape.
“You know what Mike? I don’t like your stupid hair, or your stupid dance moves. You should let Mercedes help with the choreography, you need to let other people get their time to shine” Countered Tina, with a huge fake smile plastered on her otherwise emotionless face.
Mike knew instantly he had made a mistake. He knew Tina, probably better than even her parents did. Well, at least he thought he did. And he knew that after the breakup, she would probably go back to him. But he has blown all of his chances of that happening now.
“Your voice is beautiful, I’m just saying that if-”
“No, Mike. This time I’m really done. Why don’t you pop and lock your way out of here,” Tina realised how stupid that sounded, “...or- something. Just- get out.”
Tina felt like she couldn’t breathe, and her eyes started to well up. She instinctively turned away from Mike, who, for a second, did not move. She waited until she heard footsteps draw further and further away before letting a single tear fall down her cheek. The anger drained as quickly as it came, leaving something heavy and hollow in its place. But she couldn’t let this feeling linger. It’s the opening night of Grease, after all.
She wiped away her single tear and promptly headed to the rack of costumes sitting idly in the farthest corner of the stage. In the dark, the silhouette represents that of a centipede. Tina thought it matched how she feels perfectly.
***
The chaos backstage is at its peak as people rush to get ready and the race against time gets more intense.
“Tina, I’m sorry, I’ve been starving myself all week!” Marley is running towards Tina with her hands clasped around her costume. Her voice is shaky and her face seems to be swollen from crying.
“How could you have gained two inches in a day?”
“I don’t know!”
“Maybe we can hot glue an elastic band on!”
Tina runs towards her tools amidst the backstage chaos. This had been a problem at her fitting too. She thought it was simply stress bloating. But it has happened again, and this time she noticed the stitching looks odd and not in her usual style. The show starts in 15 minutes, she doesn’t have time to question anything. Maybe she was tired the day she fixed her outfit.
Meanwhile, she hears the honeyed voice of Kitty and in the blink of an eye, Marley is eagerly following her.
“God, I can’t fix her outfit if she disappears!” Tina lets out a loud groan that causes Ryder to glance over, eyebrows lifting slightly.
“What?” Tina snapped. “What are you looking at?” Ryder puts his hands up in defense. “We have to be on in a few minutes and Marley just ran off on me. Do you maybe know where she went?” Tina walks around impatiently waving her hands around while Ryder stands leaning against some black boxes.
He avoids eye contact with her while she looks at him expectantly, “Oh yeah, uh, I dunno, sorry.”
“Well y’know it would be really helpful if you could go look for her. You are just standing here while all of us are making sure this show actually happens. Make yourself useful for a change.”
Ryder nods with urgency and is walking past her within seconds.
Tina hates how her stress makes her even more rigid than she already is, blowing fire at anything that doesn’t go her way. She can’t help it and the truth is, losing control of something is terrifying.
Tina thinks to herself of all the things that could possibly go wrong in this show. Shut up, she tries to tell herself nothing bad is going to happen.
She takes in deep breaths as she readies the last few pieces of her costume. Her heart, she realises, has reached a normal pace, after having blocked out the sound of it beating out of her chest. See? Everything is fine.
Tina hears ‘places’ being called and meets her cast mates behind the curtain.
“Break a leg, T” Blaine says, winking
Tina feels warmth flowing through her chest, the simple words bringing her back towards herself.
“Thanks, you too-“
“GUYS I’M SO EXCITED, THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN!” Tina is interrupted by Sugar’s squealing and an intensely close hug.
Blaine chuckles, “I love your enthusiasm.”
“Yeah, c’mon guys, we got this.” Tina struggled to keep her mouth from bouncing into a big smile. The adrenaline has kicked in. Excitement has replaced her previous fear. There truly is nothing like the feeling right before the curtains open.
The lights correct themselves for Grease lightning, the audience is revealed, and the first note of music starts to play.
Before she knows it, it’s her cue and all of her worries have disappeared, her muscle memory kicking in as she takes her first step onto the stage.
Soon enough, they were taking their bows and the crowd was roaring with their final round of applause. The show was a success, thankfully, and everything went according to plan. Marley somehow managed to fit into her costume in time and all the stress that had built up before was gone. Or was at least suppressed under all the adrenaline
As soon as she stepped off stage, she heard a voice that made her stomach turn.
“Tina, you were incredible as Jan. Finn was right, no one could play this part better than you.” Mike had a genuine smile on his face as she approached her.
Tina looked down, embarrassed at the fact that she was smiling so much.
“Thank you”, there was a quiet beat. It felt as if everything outside of them two didn’t exist
“And I wanted to say I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier… Pre-show nerves.” Tina gave a light chuckle. She wasn’t truly sorry. What he said hurt her, but she didn’t want there to be anything weird between them. They still had more shows to do after tonight.
Mike’s face softened, “No it’s ok. I get it. You know I really miss you. Or at least, how you used to be. I miss us.”
Mike stepped closer to her and slowly took her hand. Tina’s hand hesitated to take his back. Mike squeezed her hand tighter and at that point Tina felt it rude to not take his hand in return.
“The old me?” She said in a tired voice
“You know what I mean. Before you got all caught up in trying to get attention and solos. Before you got so…”, Mike struggled for a moment, trying to find the right word to use, “…mean.” He couldn’t think of anything else. Mike gave her a look. She couldn’t figure out what it was.
Was it.. pity?
Tina could feel her throat start to tighten. Don’t cry, she thought to herself. You look so stupid.
“Do you know why I loved you so much?” She said eventually with a sad smile.
Mike gave her a slight nod, but didn’t say anything.
“You saw me in a way no one else did. And you made sure to show it. You acted like I was the only girl in the world.” Tina stopped herself from saying anymore. She forgot how awful being vulnerable about her true feelings felt.
Tina stared directly into Mike’s eyes, trying to catch any micro expression that passed his face.
“I loved you so much. I mean I would do anything for you.”
“And you did. You helped me with songs and choreography for glee club even if you had a test the next day. You always knew exactly what to say to me to help me feel better. You supported my dreams even if no one else saw them. I don’t know Mike, you were just always there for me. I mean you were my only real friend!” Tina laughed but only because if she didn’t, she would probably start crying.
“Hey that’s not true! What about Artie and Mercedes? Kurt?” Mike said
“Artie weirdly just kind of stopped talking to me after we broke up even though he ‘wanted to win me back.” Tina said, doing exaggerated air quotations, “Mercedes always liked Kurt more and only really hung out with me if no one else was around. My point is, when you left, I had nothing left. I may be mean, but it gets me attention, doesn’t it? People actually talk to me now.”
Tina had now let go of Mike’s hand and paced up and down in front of him.
“I’m sorry. And I’m so sorry for what I did. I guess you have a right to be mean.”
Mike walked with her until he could face her fully again. Tina rolled her eyes and looked up at him.
“I can give you what you used to have again, if you let me.” Said Mike with a fond look. He gently took the side of her face in his hand. He leaned in close; close enough for their lips to almost be touching. Tina took in a dark breath. At that moment, she lived in something that she hadn’t lived in for almost a year. It was familiar and for a second everything felt ok again. Everything went away.
She closed her eyes as tears ran down them. Before she had time to decide whether or not she wanted it, Mike’s lips had landed softly on hers.