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1. Magical Catfishing is Not a Crime by CrookshanksApproves

   Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

   • Mature
   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • F/M
   • Work in Progress

   02 Jan 2026

   Tags

   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
   • Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy
   • Draco Malfoy
   • Hermione Granger
   • Harry Potter
   • Tom Thomas
   • Ron Weasley
   • Ginny Weasley
   • Susan Bones
   • Narcissa Black Malfoy
   • Bip
   • Theodore Nott
   • dramione - Freeform
   • Fluff and Angst
   • Humor
   • Mutual Pining
   • Slow Burn
   • Eventual Smut
   • sorry about the plot holes
   • enemies to lovers kind of?
   • Crookshanks approves
   • non ethical use of polyjuice potion
   • POV Hermione Granger
   • POV Draco Malfoy
   • dont look too closely at plot
   • Friends to Lovers to Enemies to Lovers?
   • this kind of lying is okay
   • romcom
   • slight ron bashing
   • Pining Draco Malfoy
   • Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings
   • Banter
   • Fluff
   • Draco Malfoy Has No Chill
   • draco malfoy has no survival instincts
   • Draco Malfoy vs muggle technology
   • Magical catfishing
   • Bip the house elf deserves a raise
   • smartest witch of her age but cant spot Malfoy in a wig
   • Polyjuice Abuse

   Summary

   Draco Malfoy has a very simple routine for maintaining his sanity eight years post-war:
   Brew a modified Polyjuice Potion. Turn into "Thomas," a handsome man with a jaw you could crack walnuts on.
   Sit in a Muggle pub and enjoy the silence.

   It was a flawless plan. Until Hermione Granger sat at his table.

   The Plan needed an update: 1. Do NOT speak to Granger. (Failed immediately). 2. Do NOT flirt with Granger. (Failed spectacularly). 3. Do NOT accept Grangers number. (Failed, and now she’s sending winking otter emojis).

   Now he's trapped. By day, he’s the reclusive Malfoy heir avoiding eye contact in the streets. By night, he’s "Thomas," flirting with the "Golden girl", and trying to figure out what a "selfie" is before she asks for one.

   He is one bad batch away from the most humiliating reveal of the century. But Merlin, she’s really funny when she isn’t yelling at him.

   Featuring:
   A Draco who doesn’t understand muggle technology.
   A Hermione who is oblivious and thirsty for banter.
   A House Elf named Bip who is just watching the train wreck happen with popcorn.
   And the slow, agonizing realization that the only person that likes Draco... is the same person who hates his guts.

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   34,110

   Chapters:

   17/?

   Comments:

   6

   Kudos:

   29

   Bookmarks:

   9

   Hits:

   381