Chapter Text
"...And that is how I know, when I try to get through on the telephone to you, there will be nobody home..." — Pink Floyd
There are moments in life that change everything. You choose whether to cross a door or not, whether to go somewhere or stay where you are, and that choice shapes your future without you ever being truly aware of it.
Gun was sitting in the living room of the condominium where he had lived for the past two years. Across from him, his girlfriend, Kiara, was watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer. The truth was that he was so stunned by the proposal made by the person he believed he would spend the rest of his life with that no words would come.
Gun and Kiara were the perfect couple. Both came from wealthy families and were the sole heirs to two of the most influential surnames in the Thai business world. Gun's father, Tanil Punsawat, was a prominent figure in the fashion industry, a designer who worked with the most exclusive brands. Kiara's father, Suphol Tiriak, was a renowned textile entrepreneur. They had been childhood friends and, together, had built an empire. Their children were raised side by side—not to foster a sibling-like bond, but with the intention that one day they would marry and consolidate the union of both families and their businesses.
Gun still hadn't replied. He couldn't stop replaying their story over and over in his mind, wondering whether, at some point, he had done something wrong. He and Kiara had always been together. Their parents had made sure they shared every stage of their lives. From an early age, they attended the same schools, took almost the same classes, and talked about nearly everything. Kiara had told him about the first time she fell in love—with a boy from her painting class when they were both sixteen. Although she never dared confess her feelings, she cried on Gun's shoulder when the boy's family had to move to the United States and she never saw him again. Back then, Gun comforted her and stayed by her side until she recovered from her adolescent heartbreak.
They shared their frustrations when things went wrong at school and spent time learning about the companies they would one day inherit. Between meetings and obligations, they carved out moments to enjoy themselves: going to the cinema, travelling to the beach, going out dancing. Always together.
When Gun turned eighteen, their parents gathered them and informed them that they were engaged. They would marry once they had finished their respective university degrees.
By then, Gun knew that although he loved Kiara, he was not in love with her in that way. In fact, he had never been in love with anyone, and the truth was that he wasn't even looking for it. It wasn't something he imagined for his future.
Still, if one day he were to fall in love—if that moment ever came—he wouldn't dislike the idea of Kiara being the person he shared his life with. He shook his head, dismissing the thought. The only thing he knew for certain was that his friend's feelings mattered, and that if given the choice, he was sure she wouldn't accept a destiny imposed upon her.
When the birthday gathering ended, they went out into the garden together and sat on the bench they had always shared. The warm night breeze carried the scent of honeysuckle that adorned the space. The weather was pleasant without being stifling, and the two of them looked at each other in the dim light without speaking.
For the first time, Gun felt nervous around Kiara. Their parents had placed an issue on the table that he had never considered part of their relationship, and now everything felt different.
"Well... what do you think?" he finally asked. "If you don't want this, we can talk to our parents. I'm sure they'll understand... but I wanted to talk to you first. I care about you so much—I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."
Gun watched her closely, trying to decipher her thoughts. Since the announcement, Kiara hadn't said a single word.
"Don't you want to marry me?" she asked, lowering her head. She seemed upset and avoided eye contact. It was the first time Gun had ever seen his friend behave insecurely; she was—and carried herself like—a princess. Kiara didn't know what insecurity was, and seeing her like this stirred tenderness in him. They had never had such an uncomfortable conversation.
"I wouldn't mind marrying you. I love you, and you know that. But I don't want to force you into something you don't want."
At that moment, Kiara looked him straight in the eyes. She seemed angry.
"I know you love me, but my question is whether you like me. Whether you like me enough for us to be together, for you to marry me, for me to be your wife for real. I don't want a fake relationship."
Gun didn't know how to answer. He didn't know whether he liked her that way. He had never felt anything like that for anyone before. He didn't want to lie.
"I don't know... I love you, I love being with you, but I've never felt that thing people call 'falling in love'. I don't know if it's fair to say I like you like that."
Kiara moved closer and took his hand. When he looked at her, Gun got lost in the depth of her eyes. He felt a stirring anticipation in his chest, though he tried to hide it.
"What if we try?" she said softly. "I mean... what if we try getting closer in a different way?"
Gun felt uncomfortable. They had been close many times before and had even hugged, but this time the energy between them was different. Kiara began to lean in. Her full lips parted slightly, suggestively, as her face drew closer and closer to his.
"Phi... may I kiss you?"
There was tenderness in her voice. Gun felt an unfamiliar warmth bloom in his chest. Kiara was visibly nervous, making a real effort to take the initiative. Her cheeks were flushed, and she hesitated as she spoke.
For the first time, he felt the urge to kiss someone. He didn't know what that feeling was, but he decided to give in to the budding impulse inside him. Gently, he cupped Kiara's face in his hands and drew her closer until their lips brushed.
It wasn't the first time he had been kissed, but it was the first time it happened with such gentleness. It was a pleasant sensation, though it was clear neither of them quite knew what to do. They pulled away quickly. Kiara lowered her head and turned her body forward on the bench. Gun could only see her profile in the garden's dim light.
He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to misinterpret her, but he chose to speak. They had grown up together, and Kiara was the person he trusted most. He wanted to be honest; he knew that, regardless of the outcome, they could work through anything together.
He reached out and took one of her hands. Kiara's hands were icy cold, and she flinched slightly at the contact, as if startled. She seemed lost in thought.
"Kiki... do you like me? Do you want us to date... to get married?"
Gun spoke gently and softly. Kiara had always been sensitive, and he had always indulged her, because she deserved it. If she wanted to try, he would try. In his heart, Kiara held first place. Even if he had never looked at her that way, he knew he could learn to—and that sharing his life with her would make him happy.
"I want to... but only if you want it too. I love you. You always take care of me, and you're so good to me. You hold the first place in my heart... but..." She paused, as if fighting back tears. "I don't want to do this if you don't like me. I want something real, and above all, I don't want to ruin our friendship."
"Kiki, I can't tell you that I like you in that way," Gun said quietly. "But if you want, we can try. You know I've never been in love—I don't even know what it is—but I can promise you that I will never betray you and that I will always be honest."
He paused, searching for the right words so there would be no misunderstandings.
"I can't promise I'll come to love you like that. But I did like the kiss we just shared. What I can promise is that I'll try, that I'll take care of you, and that if it doesn't work—no matter who makes that decision—we'll remain friends. We have four, maybe six years until we graduate and have to get married... I think that's enough time to find out whether we truly love each other that way."
Kiara was looking into his eyes with an expression Gun had never seen on her before. He couldn't tell what was going through her mind, and that was new to him. Perhaps he had hurt her. He didn't know what to do or what to say beyond what he had already expressed.
He felt his confidence falter. Maybe he was ruining everything. His body slumped under the weight of that thought. Once again, his parents had ruined everything.
Suddenly, Kiara placed a hand on his shoulder and slowly slid it along his neck to his cheek, where she let it rest before speaking.
"All right," she said. "Let's try. But remember that we must always tell each other the truth and that, no matter what happens, we'll always be friends."
Gun turned to her, surprised, and nodded. He didn't know what else to say. All at once, he realised how much everything between them had changed, and his stomach lurched.
"Now you're my boyfriend, Phi."
She said it with a sweet smile on her lips, then leaned in and kissed him again, this time with more intensity.
Gun's body reacted to the contact, and in that moment he understood why all his classmates were so desperate to find a partner. Kissing someone could be a very pleasant experience.
Three and a half years had passed since that day, and they were still together. Everything had turned out better than Gun could ever have imagined: he loved Kiara, he liked Kiara, and he could no longer conceive of a life without her. In a year, they would be married, and his life was peaceful and perfect—just as he had always dreamed it would be: calm, security, peace. All of that was her.
Gun returned to the present, to his condominium, with his girlfriend looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer he couldn't even begin to articulate.
It was June, and Gun and Kiara would be returning home for the long university break before starting the first semester of their final year. He wasn't particularly excited about going back, but Kiara loved it, so they would go together. They would spend a couple of weeks at their respective homes and then travel to the beach with their friends—mostly Kiara's. Gun only had one friend, Khao, who went everywhere with his boyfriend, First, from whom he was inseparable.
Gun was in his condominium packing when Kiara walked in. They lived in identical, adjoining apartments and even shared the same door code. They had decided not to live together until they finished university, so they could freely invite classmates over without bothering each other. Even so, they slept together most nights.
"Hi, Phi. What are you doing?"
Kiara looked beautiful, as always. She was wearing a pink outfit. Gun turned at the sound of her voice, stepped closer, hugged her, and kissed her.
"I'm packing to go back home. Have you finished yours? Shall I help you?" he asked, not letting go of her.
Kiara rested her hands on his chest and pulled back slightly.
"No, Phi, I've already packed. I came because I want to talk. Can we sit down?"
Gun could already guess what it was about. He spoiled Kiara endlessly, so she probably wanted to leave earlier or change their destination because one of her friends had suggested a better place. He sat on the bed, ready to listen to the new plan, knowing in advance that he would agree. None of it was a problem for him; all he wanted was for her to be happy.
Kiara sat in front of him, on a pink plush pouffe she herself had given him, and began to speak in circles. Gun smiled—she was so adorable.
"...I really don't want you to get angry, but... I want to—I want to open the relationship."
The smile vanished completely from Gun's face. He didn't even know what expression he was wearing. Maybe he had misheard.
"What?"
It was the only thing he managed to say. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, much less understand it.
Kiara moved closer and sat down on the rug at his feet. Then she took his hands in hers.
"I don't want you to get angry, Phi. But in a year we're getting married, and neither of us has ever been with anyone else. I think it would be best if we could... have... other experiences. I mean, I don't want us to break up, and our families don't need to know. This is our private matter. But I want us to reach marriage choosing each other. Don't you think that's for the best?"
Gun struggled not to show anything on his face—though, in truth, he didn't even know what he was feeling.
"So... you don't love me anymore? Are you in love with someone else? I won't get angry, I promise—we agreed on that—but please, don't lie to me."
"Of course I love you, Phi. Love has nothing to do with this."
And there it was, Gun thought. Sooner or later, it was bound to happen. Still, he had to acknowledge that Kiara was being honest, and for that he would always respect her. That was why he would keep choosing her. He swallowed and forced himself to remain impassive. She wasn't to blame for the fact that he had been expecting more.
"Wait... are you telling me you want to sleep with other people?"
Gun blinked several times, trying to make sure he had heard correctly.
"It's not like that, Phi. I don't want you to see it that way..."
"Then how am I supposed to see it, Kiki?"
Kiara sighed patiently, as if she had rehearsed this conversation countless times in her head.
"I want us to think of it as an opportunity to experience things, not to betray each other. I want us to be completely certain of our relationship when we get married."
Gun swallowed. He didn't like the idea, but he couldn't say he didn't understand it either. The problem was that he didn't know whether what hurt more was what she was proposing or how easily she seemed able to say it.
"I want to open the relationship. That means we can have sex with other people—but only that. You're still my boyfriend, and I'm still yours. At the end of the year, we'll get married, and this will be over. Everything will go back to normal."
Gun nodded silently. When she finished speaking, he added,
"All right. And what about us? Will we keep sleeping together like we do now?"
"Yes, Phi. We're a couple. Everything will stay the same," she said with a smile, as though she were suggesting they go to the supermarket.
Minutes passed without him saying a word. The words wouldn't come because he didn't know what there was to say in a situation like this. He considered refusing, but then—could he really be angry if she cheated on him? Suddenly, he felt he had to be practical and accept what was being offered. After what she had said, the only alternative for him was to break up. He didn't want that, so he needed to set things straight and see where this new arrangement would lead them.
"All right," Gun said, pretending he wasn't angry. After all, he didn't feel entitled to be.
"I want to add some rules to the agreement:
You can't do it with my friends or anyone close to me.
I don't want to know who you're with or when.
At university, we'll say we've broken up. I don't want to hear rumours about infidelity in the corridors, and I don't want people talking about my private life—or speaking badly of you.
You must always protect yourself. Sexually transmitted infections are no joke."
Kiara seemed to agree, but she wanted to add something.
"The same rules apply to you too, right?"
A bitter smile escaped Gun's lips at the absurdity of the question.
"That won't be necessary. I'm not interested in experimenting—but yes, of course. The same rules apply to me."
At that, Kiara stood up. She looked happy and relaxed. She wrapped her arms around Gun's neck and kissed him loudly.
"Thank you, Phi. I know this will be the best thing for us. I love you!"
"I love you too. Now go—I need to finish packing so we can go home tomorrow."
Kiara looked at him without letting go.
"About that... what do you think if this year, after going home, we go on holiday separately? I was thinking of coming back here for a week and then going to the beach with my friends..."
"All right." Gun didn't know what else to say; he just wanted her to leave so he could think.
"Go on. I won't get anything done if you stay."
Kiara kissed him again and ran out through the door. She was happy. Happy. She was happy, and he... he didn't know what he was feeling. The truth was, yes, he was surprised—but he had never expected a fairy tale. Life was like that.
It was only a year, and it was sex, not love. She had made that clear.
He sat back down on the bed. His phone screen lit up beside him; it was Khao.
Message from Khao to Gun:
I know you're leaving tomorrow and that when I get back you'll already be home again. But when you lovebirds can manage to be apart for at least five minutes, your friend would like to have a few beers with you.
Gun read the message and didn't reply. Instead, he started laughing—so hard that tears began to stream down his cheeks.
"Lovebirds," hahaha... If Khao only knew...
He lay back on the bed and pulled the blanket over himself. He fell asleep on a soaked pillow, unwilling to admit how much everything hurt.
Suddenly, everything turned bright. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the trees lining the entrance to the nursery. He was wearing a uniform, and a cute Doraemon water bottle hung from his neck. His teacher was holding his hand, and when he looked up, he saw his mum coming to pick him up. She walked towards him with a wide smile—one that lit up his world and filled him with warmth. She crouched down and opened her arms.
"Mummy!" little Gun cried, a grin spreading across his face.
He ran to her, and she scooped him up, lifting him before kissing him lovingly.
He was dreaming about it again.
On the bed, two open suitcases were still waiting to be filled. They were empty. He didn't know why, but his heart felt exactly the same.