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Robin sipped the coffee from the cup in front of him, running a finger absentmindedly over a small crack in the porcelain. It had been another night of hardly any sleep. Nightmares slowly gaining on him as he began to dread the sun’s descent. His mind drifting as he watched how the dust flitted in beams of light across the wooden planks.
Matthew had coaxed him down from his room for breakfast, sitting at a table in the corner that gave him a full view of the saloon. Matthew and Bartholomew had been kind enough to indulge the paranoid nature this lack of sleep had been bringing him, letting him sit watch while their ambient chatter continued towards the bar and kitchen area. Robin enjoying the smell of slowly cooking breakfast sausage and hash.
His tired daze not enough to catch Joseph until the taller man was pulling up a chair behind him.
“Floorboards start whispering their secrets to you while ah got ready, huh partner?” He chuckled, sitting down with a slight grin.
Robin wasn’t able to hide the way he flinched at the sudden presence beside him, but he could sure as hell try to distract from it.
“Y-yeah, only the latest hot rumors around town, you know how it is” he answered, giving a half-hearted smile in the bird’s direction,
Joseph frowned for a moment at the knowledge that something was bothering Robin, but the sound of the other two grabbing plates was enough to know they would wait til another time to talk about it. Instead shooting them a reassuring smile and rubbing his boyfriend’s shoulder.
He turned to the bar to help Bartholomew with the plates, Matthew coming back to keep Robin company in his absence, and setting a fresh cup of coffee by Joseph’s spot at the table.
~~
It only took a few moments before they had everyone seated and plates around the table, Matthew and Bartholomew laughing about some playful mischief of a regular from the night before.
Joseph was always one of the first to finish eating. It had probably taken them a good week to convince him that they weren’t gonna have meals without him, and that if he really ever missed a meal, there would always be food available to him.
They really both did have their fair share of scars they were healing, Robin supposed. Taking a bite of his food. He was a slower eater, but it made it all the nicer to have actual food, that wasn’t the cold scraps his gang would leave behind, because “they needed it more anyway.”
He finished his food and took another sip from his coffee, before giving into the urge to slump his head against his lover’s shoulder, listening to him carry on small talk with the fellow bird in their company.
“Doin’ alright there Darlin’?” he heard Joseph ask, feathers tickling his muzzle as the hawk turned to look at him.
“Mhmm” Robin muttered, hearing the affectionate laughter from the other two as they giggled about ‘young love’, but with no vindication as Matthew teased Joseph a little longer.
The world faded in and out for a few moments after Joseph wrapped his wing around him. He would’ve stayed longer if he could, but as life goes on, eventually the two had to part for the day. Joseph was working with a few other town members to see what he could do about materials for a home. As much as Bartholomew and his husband were wonderful hosts, they didn’t want to hog the generosity for too long, and hopefully this might help them feel a bit more permanent.
A bit less like this could be ripped away with the slightest slash of a claw.
You were not quite sure about where your place was in the small town yet. you had been helping Bartholomew while your side healed, and now that it was mostly better, taking up small jobs from Sheriff or Jacob. Sometimes it was just helping around their respective buildings as they prepared for the future.
You’d helped Jacob with small additions to the meeting hall, sometimes repairs, or sorting new supplies to where they’d be most useful. Sometimes towns members would drop by while you were working, to pray, or to talk to Jacob. They were always kind, sometimes stopping to ask how you were doing, how you were adjusting. It was hard, harder than you hoped, but also easier than you had feared.
Sometimes you’d get an odd “Thank you” from someone, you never understood that, you had only ever been running when you had brought your respective gangs toward the town. You had only ever put them in danger. - Sometimes your thoughts still crept upon you with that haunting voice, “You will only ever be a coward, you will only ever have put these people in danger with your recklessness.” - You’d shake your thoughts off before thanking the person for their kindness. To these people, the gangs would’ve come anyway, and if weren’t for you and Joseph planning with Sheriff, they could’ve lost their families, or their own lives.
You supposed they were right, but it did little to assuage your fears.
On the days you spent with Sheriff, you’d help him with the filing of town records. Sometimes helping him with information about other towns a bit off through the dessert. You enjoyed making use of what you learned on the trail, and you enjoyed carrying your revolver for reasons other than doing Curly’s bidding.
Now that you and Joseph no longer were tied to anything that threatened the small town of Clemency, Sheriff saw no problem answering any curiosities you had. Happy to tell you about the history of the town and some of his favorite events with their citizens. You didn’t share a word if he ever ended up in a small loving spiel about the town’s favorite tortoise, who just so happened to run the meeting hall.
~~
You and Sheriff hadn’t done as much today as you had last time, but as you leaned on the railing outside the saloon, your bones felt sorer than normal, and your feet heavier. You watched the street as Joseph turned his way back towards the saloon from where he was helping another town member. The sun glinted off of his feathers as he waved to you. You returning the motion while you waited for him to make his way back.
You could tell he was tired too, the nightmares had plagued him just as often as yourself, more so in the beginning. Matthew mentioned that was normal as you were both coming out of very bad situations and had had a very close call with death. You just wished there was a way to make it stop.
Joseph was a bit more open with how he was feeling, always the charismatic and talkative one. You loved that about him. You tended to keep your cards closer to your chest, working to warm up to sharing them, but always worried about being too much.
Not that there was any more room for that thought as he reached the final step. Making you yelp as he lifted you into the air in a tight hug.
Ensuring the only thoughts filling your head was his reassurance of how much he missed you.
It didn’t take much to tell Robin wasn’t alright, firstly with his attention being lost all morning, It wasn’t uncommon for one of you to get lost in thought or to daze off when nothing was going on. Lately however, your partner seemed to be being thrown between extreme paranoia and being half asleep every time you caught sight of him. The first day you had figured it was just a rough night, but your concern had been growing since then. He wasn’t doing well and as much as you didn’t want to push, you had a feeling you wouldn’t find out otherwise.
Making a note to talk to them when you got back tonight, you moved back to where you had been talking with the towns construction lead.
~~
That meeting left you exhausted and as much as you were enjoying laying the foundation to settle in this town, there wasn’t anything you wanted more right now than to be back home with Robin.
They had become a stationary point for you in the last few weeks, an anchor for you to come home to, and someone you could trust to tell everything. It had been a long time since you felt like that with someone, but you knew Robin wouldn’t hurt you. He was stronger than you, and more quiet too, but always honest, and loved him for it. Loved having someone to come back to, even when the growing kindness of the small town became overwhelming.
You cared for the people here, they were kind and patient as you two came around, but you both could agree that - by no fault of theirs - it could get overwhelming. After so many years being treated like the scum of the earth, there were times their kindness felt fake, like you only had until the end of a timer before they’d turn on you.
You let out a sigh as you helped the small cat lady carry the last of her work tools inside, and waved your goodbyes to her wife and their kids. Eager to return to the saloon.
Robin and Joseph entered the saloon together, Robin making a lighthearted joke and Joseph chuckling out a witty response. It was far busier now that the day was coming to a close. The loyal patrons of the saloon had started filtering in roughly an hour ago, settling around tables to play games or chat, some gathering up near the bar, catching Bartholomew up on events around the town and sipping at their drinks.
Robin was trying his best to warm up to spending time with the friendly crowds, getting acquainted with townsfolk and such along with the occasional game he would join in on. It wasn’t every night, but him and Joseph both tried to meet regular attendance.
He knew he would be missed if he didn’t show tonight, but the noise was already starting to get to him and he longed for the silence of his room. The sun was on it’s passage under the mountains and he felt overwhelmed at the thought of what nightmare his mind would force him to relive tonight.
Joseph following just behind him as they headed upstairs to their respective rooms. At least Robin thought Joseph was going to his. He was caught off guard by the feeling of joseph’s wing grabbing his one hand before he entered his room.
“W-wait-” Joseph blurted out, seeming at a nervous loss for words for the time being. “ah- I um wanted to talk with you if ah could-?”
Oh. Oh no. Robin managed a shaky nod before entering their room. Joseph shutting the door behind the two of them, feeling the cold metal under the end of his wing.
Robin had had nightmares like this before, they should’ve seen it coming. Something eventually was sure to make the bird realize he didn’t need him anymore.
He knew it was disrespectful to not give his partner eye contact for serious conversations, but he couldn’t bare to look at him, too scared of what he might see.
“Robin.?” Joseph called out to him softly,
But Robin’s thoughts were already running faster than he could manage, and all he could get out was a small whimper as his tail pulled in towards his legs.
It was enough to spur Joseph to action, walking over to his lover where he placed a feathered hand to the side of his face, turning Robin to look at him. Robin couldn’t stop the tears that began to fall when he was pulled to look Joseph’s way. His lover meeting him with nothing but concern in his eyes.
“Y- What are you doing-?” Robin choked out, voice shaky as he tried to regain some semblance of stability, “Ah thought y-you were gonna tell me off”
Joseph puffed up in surprise at even the idea “God, Robin no- If ah had known ah’d spook you this bad I would’ve found another way to talk to you-”
He pulled Robin close to him, tucking the coyote under his beak and reaching a hand up to pet over Robin’s cheek, talons leaving small divots in their fur.
“Ah never want you to think I’m gonna leave you-” He braced his other wing over the small of his partner’s back, tugging him ever closer.
Robin choked on a sob as he tucked his face into his partner’s chest, gripping sheathed claws into the back of his shirt. Holding the fabric like Joseph might disappear if he let go. Muttering out a soft “‘m sorry” that only his partner could hear.
“You ain’t got nothing to apologize for, not a thing.” He assured, pulling Robin back so they could both sit down on the bed. “Ah was just worrying about you- you’ve been so tired lately, I didn’t want you to hurt in silence. We promised to try not to do that any more.” He pulled Robin back, just enough to look them in the eyes, “Is it the night terrors Robin? I promise they aren’t real darlin’-”
Robin cut him off with a sharp nod and another whimper, “I- I just- they’re so vivid- I swear I can feel everything- and it hurts- it hurts so much-” He repeated, cutting himself off as the crying caused tremors to rack through his body, leaving him shivering as Joseph pulled him back.
“I know, I know, Ah promise you there ain’t a single thing in any of those dreams that will come real Robin.” He stroked their back as they laid trembling on his chest. It was no wonder he had been tired if he had been staying up, and accompanied by nightmares. It made sense with paranoia too.
Joseph rested his head against his lover’s, letting out a quiet coo as he did his best to soothe their crying.
~~
Robin had calmed down after some time, most likely his body finally giving out from running on empty for so long. Immediately turning to apologize to Joseph for the trouble.
He was still so scared of messing things up in their new relationship. Their foundation was completely solid, but looking through the lens of what they had been through, anything looked like thin ice if you stared long enough.
Laying on his bed with his thumb grazing ambiently over the other’s feathers. His head on Joseph’s chest while he preened the fur on top of Robin’s head.
“Would you mind if ah stayed the night with you tonight?” Joseph spoke up, seemingly finished with his work on his lover’s fur.
Robin sighed, “You really don’t have to do that..”
“I want to, ah want to be here if anything wakes you up again,” Joseph sighed, “In fact, ah’m starting to think this sleeping apart thing is doing more damage than good.”
“Ah know you are the first one I want to see when ah wake up, to make sure you are in fact, still breathing on the other side of that wall.
We’ve spent enough nights wakin’ up wondering if the other is still alive and well. Why not just simplify it and be able to see for ourselves?”
Robin huffed, “I don’t want to hurt ya if ah accidentally elbow you in my sleep, but ah suppose you could charm me into considerin’ it”
“I don’t mind, could use a little more of your fighting spirit in my life Darlin’” Joseph retorted, letting Robin sit up first, and choosing not to push further when he turned his head to hide the growing nervous flush in their cheeks
Even the exhaustion wasn’t quite enough to keep the two of you from being nervous bumbling wrecks for eachother as Joseph left the room to get changed.
~~
Robin had already gotten changed and was laying on his bed in shorts and another slightly ragged t-shirt he had. It was a shirt from his camp, and he had plenty of new clothes now, but didn’t want to bother dirtying them on something as simple as sleeping.
He sat on his bed and fidgeted with the torn hem as he waited for the knock on the door that came a few moments later. Then sliding off their bed to let the taller into the room.
“Miss me much ?” Joseph asked, standing in the doorway, his cheeks heating up with his nervous half-hearted attempt to flirt at his lover. he didn’t know if it was really the right timing-
“Always,” Robin gave a light laugh that freed the building anxiety nipping at Joseph’s throat. They turned back into the room, letting Joseph follow them, shutting the door behind the two.
“You know, you really don’t have to-” Robin said, climbing under the blankets and flopping down into the soft mattress.
“Hush, there is nowhere else ah’d want to be.” Robin was most often the more serious one in their relationship, unphased by even some of the worst of things. Being trusted to see him falter was something Joseph treasured, and internally he promised to never take that for granted.
“I-”
“No, you need sleep, and if it is okay with you, I would really like to be u-under these blankets with you. They’re really nice blankets-” Joseph stumbled out, confidence waning towards the end and trying to distract himself
Robin giggled as he lifted the blanket, inviting the larger of them to join him.
“As you wish,” he teased, watching the other’s expression flush further red as he crept under the blankets.
Joseph remained flustered for a moment or two longer, His partner’s evil grin taunting him, before he pulled Robin closer, basking in the warmth of the two of them as they laid there together. He could hear the soft thumping of Robin’s tail against the mattress as he turned to place his head in the crook of their neck.
“Ah love you y’know?” He sighed, “This won’t last forever, they’re dead and they won’t have their claws in our lives forever.”
“I love you too” Robin assured, “Ah know it won’t, and until that day, we’ll just have to stay close by with eachother”
Robin turned to press his lips to the top of the other’s beak, and using his one hand to pull one of Joseph’s wings over them. He rested his head against Joseph's as they both let the muffled sound of chatter from the saloon coax them into the soft grasp of sleep.