Chapter Text
Han
He couldn't breathe. Again.
It always happened so fast.
The people, the pushing, the talking, the noise, the cameras, the pressure, the security crowding him to the point where he felt like he couldn't move...it was too much. It was always too much.
"Han."
His head was full of silence, the loud kind of silence that made everything feel like it was fuzzy and far away. It made him feel out of touch, like he was drowning underwater.
He needed space.
He needed space and he needed air and he needed-
"Han!" Someone grabbed his arm. "Where are you going? We need to go home."
Han tried to pull his arm free. "Let me go."
"But we need to-"
"I said let me go!" He grabbed the hand and ripped it off his arm.
"Ow!"
Han froze. "I'm sorry. Just-just don't touch me right now."
"Okay." The person replied, their voice small.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Han said, backing away.
"It's fine. I'm fine. I promise." Now the person sounded panicked. "Just wait. I'll get the others. Just don't leave, alright? Stay here."
"Innie?" Someone else came over, but everything was so blurry and distant Han couldn't tell who it was.
"I'm fine, it's Han, there's something wrong-"
"There's nothing wrong!" Han snapped. "I just need space. Why can't you just give me space?"
"Alright, alright." The new person put a hand on Han's shoulder. "There's a park down the road. I'll get your security and-"
"No." Han argued. "No security."
"Han-"
"Please. I can't breathe and I can't think and everything's so loud and so quiet and it hurts." He pulled away from the person's touch. "I need space, and I need people to stop fucking touching me!"
"What the Hell is going on?" A new voice interrupted. "Lix? Innie? Why is Han screaming swear words down the street? He's going to get us all in trouble."
"I don't know, Bin!" Lixie or Innie exclaimed. "He says he needs space so I told him he can go to the park but he'll need security and he just-he freaked."
"So he's panicking." Changbin summarised. "Alright. Fine."
He stepped closer to Han, and Han flinched back. "Don't touch me!"
Changbin held up his hands. "I'm not going to touch you. Just tell me what's wrong. Can you do that for me, Han?"
"I can't breathe," Han whispered after a moment. "Everything is tight and blurry and my head is so silent it's suffocating and everyone keeps touching me and I just want space. I want to run or hide or just go somewhere where I can be alone but nobody's letting me leave."
"Alright." Changbin pointed at the other two. "Watch him."
They nodded.
Changbin walked off, and Han's skin crawled as he felt Felix and I.N staring at him.
He tried to move away, to find space or quiet or something, but they wouldn't let him, because they could never be helpful when he needed them to be.
"Just wait, he's coming back. He's getting Lee Know. He's getting Lee Know, Han, so just wait. It's going to be okay."
Lee Know.
Han tried to take a deep breath, but it got stuck, and he choked.
"Han?" One of the boys sounded panicked again. "Shit. Shit. What do we do? Felix, what do we do?"
Felix shushed him abruptly. "Stay calm, please. One person panicking is already too many people panicking."
"I'm back!" Changbin ran over. "Han? You good? Han?"
"He's not breathing right," I.N said anxiously.
"For fuck's sake." Changbin muttered, then bellowed, "LEE KNOW!"
Han flinched and clapped his hands over his ears.
"I'M COMING!" Lee Know yelled back. "STOP SHOUTING AT ME!"
Han shuddered and tugged at his hair.
This isn't helping.
"Okay, okay, okay, I'm here." Lee Know appeared by Han's shoulder so suddenly Han jumped.
"Lee Know," he mumbled, sagging into the wall behind him.
"Oh, yeah, him you recognise." I.N grumbled. "You almost broke my wrist!"
"You shouldn't have touched him." Lee Know snapped. "He's overwhelmed and you're not helping by grabbing all over him and shouting in his ear."
"Sorry." They all muttered.
Lee Know nodded once and turned to face Han, blocking the others. "What do you want to do? Anything?"
"I want to run," Han answered without thinking.
"Fine." Lee Know rolled his shoulders. "Run."
Han blinked. "What?"
Changbin stepped forward. "He'll need security-"
Lee Know shook his head sharply. "I've got him."
"But-"
"I said I've got him." Lee Know glared at Changbin. "You know, most of the reason why you weren't helping is because you never listen to what he's saying."
"We were listening!" Felix protested.
"If you were, he'd be calm right now instead of hugging his stomach and struggling to breathe." Lee Know pointed to where the others were waiting outside the venue they'd just left. "Go. I've got him."
They all shared a look, then nodded and headed to the others.
Lee Know watched them go for a moment, then turned back to Han.
Lee Know - slow enough that Han didn't feel startled or wary - crouched down so he could meet Han's gaze. "You want to run? Run. I won't stop you."
"Sure?" Han asked breathlessly, but he was already moving, already slowly shuffling his feet away from where they were pressed against the building behind him.
Lee Know nodded. "I can keep up. You're safe, I promise."
Safe.
Something in his chest jumped, and that scared him more than the suffocating feeling in his lungs did.
He didn't think twice, he didn't check if the other members were calling for him - he just ran.
Lee Know
Lee Know was...tired, to say the least.
After three days of getting home past midnight, not really having the time to eat properly, and spending hours rehearsing new choreography, muscles he didn't even know he had were aching.
Today's event didn't push him over the edge, but it definitely pushed him closer, and he had a feeling that if he didn't get home soon, he'd start screaming.
He left the venue with Bang Chan beside him, their security gathered by the cars so they could organise the others.
"Are you alright?" Bang Chan asked. "You're quiet."
"Just tired." Lee Know replied.
Chan nodded. "Yeah. Me too."
They joined the rest of the members by the car, and Lee Know tried his best to ignore Hyunjin, who was far too hyper for him to cope with right now.
Chan frowned and did a quick head count before turning to security. "Half of them aren't here. Did they leave already?"
One of the security shook his head. "No, Sir."
Chan's eyes widened slightly. "Then where are they?"
"I think they went to get Han." Seungmin supplied.
Lee Know's stomach dropped to his feet. "Why would they need to get Han?"
Seungmin shrugged. "I don't know. I couldn't hear what they were talking about."
"But they left the building?" Chan asked sharply. "You saw them leave?"
Seungmin nodded. "They were right in front of me."
"So you lost them." Chan accused the security.
Security folded his arms. "They're not lost, I can see them."
Chan's head snapped up, and he reached up onto his toes to try and see past the others. "Where?"
Lee Know caught a glimpse of Changbin making his way over, shouting his name the entire time. "Lee Know! Lee Know! Lee Know!"
"What?" Lee Know demanded once he was closer. "What do you want?"
Chan stepped forward, grabbing Changbins' arm to get his attention. "Where are the others?"
Changbin pointed back the way he came. "They're by the door. Han isn't well."
Hyunjin groaned.
Lee Know stared blankly at Changbin, his urge to protect Han warring with his urge to go home and sleep.
"What's wrong with him?" Chan asked. "Can you bring him over here? Are Lix and Innie with him?"
Changbin batted Chan away. "You're being annoying. Han is - I think - having some kind of panic attack. No, we can't bring him over here because he won't let us touch him, and yes, Felix and I.N are with him."
Hyunjin swore softly and ran his hand through his hair. "What do we do?"
Chan, Changbin and Seungmin all turned to look at Lee Know.
Hyunjin stared at them all, confused. "Hello? What are you looking at Lee Know for? We need to help Han!"
Lee Know sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Hyunjin, shut up."
"Okay." Hyunjin nodded and pursed his lips.
Lee Know glanced at the car, then back at Changbin. "Fine. Let me put my stuff down, then I'll come over."
Changbin nodded and ran off back to Han.
Lee Know gestured to security to open the car, and he busied himself with organising his bag in the trunk.
"I can go." Chan offered from his shoulder, dropping his bag into the trunk beside Lee Know's. "You said you were tired, and you look tired. If Han is panicking, he's not going to be easy to deal with-"
"Which is why you all looked at me when Hyunjin asked what to do." Lee Know stepped back from the trunk and pulled the lid down. "I'm fine, he's not. And apparently I'm the only one who actually understands how his brain works when he gets like this."
Chan opened his mouth, then shut it again. "We try, but he never talks to us like he talks to you."
"I know." Lee Know stepped back onto the pavement.
"LEE KNOW!" Changbin yelled.
"I'M COMING!" Lee Know yelled back. "STOP SHOUTING AT ME!"
Chan winced and touched his ear. "Ouch. If you go over to Han pissed and grumpy, it's not going to help anything."
"Well aware, but thanks." Lee Know muttered and pushed past him.
Once he broke through the wall of security, he could see Han standing slumped against the wall of the building they'd just left with Felix, I.N and Changbin all hovering beside him, looking lost.
Lee Know paused for a moment.
Han looked so small...so lost...
He was going to kill the others for making him look like that.
He ran over, skidding to a halt just a few feet away from Han. "Okay, okay, okay, I'm here."
Han jumped slightly, then sagged. "Lee Know."
"Oh, yeah, him you recognise." I.N grumbled. "You almost broke my wrist!"
"You shouldn't have touched him." Lee Know snapped. "He's overwhelmed and you're not helping by grabbing all over him and shouting in his ear."
"Sorry." They all muttered.
Lee Know nodded once, still seething, but turned to face Han, making an effort to soften his voice, "what do you want to do? Anything?"
"I want to run," Han answered immediately, his voice terrifyingly hollow.
"Fine." Lee Know rolled his shoulders, wincing as his muscles pulled. This is going to hurt. "Run."
Han blinked. "What?"
Changbin stepped forward. "He'll need security-"
Lee Know shook his head sharply. "I've got him."
"But-"
"I said I've got him." Lee Know glared at him. "You know, most of the reason why you weren't helping is because you never listen to what he's saying."
"We were listening!" Felix argued.
"If you were, he'd be calm right now instead of hugging his stomach and struggling to breathe." Lee Know pointed to where the others were waiting by the cars. "Go. I've got him."
They all looked at each other, then nodded and walked off, leaving Lee Know and Han alone.
Lee Know watched them go for a moment, then turned back to Han once he was sure none of them were going to double back.
He slowly crouched down to match Han's height, not wanting to startle him, but also not wanting him to feel small and childlike considering how hunched he was standing.
"You want to run?" Lee Know asked gently. "Run. I won't stop you."
"Sure?" Han asked breathlessly, but he was already moving, already slowly shuffling his feet away from where they were pressed against the building behind him.
Lee Know nodded, tracking his jerky movements. "I can keep up. You're safe, I promise."
That made Han pause for a moment, his jaw loosening slightly and his eyes glazing over, and then he bolted.
Lee Know straightened, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then ran after him.