Chapter Text
It rings for a long time. Long enough that Yuna thinks Lily won't pick up at all.
It gives her time to consider that she’s still concerned about this—Lily has been very … attentive, kind, they don’t feel like the right words, but they’re true in a way. Very concerned about Shane. Very familiar, in that text exchange she saw. But… all of the secrecy is just blowing her mind in a bad way. This is someone she’s never heard of, someone she’s never even had an inkling that they might exist, and Shane has loved them since rookie season.
She doesn’t know what she hopes to accomplish with this call. As it rings, some awareness comes back to her and she knows she shouldn’t have done it. But… it’s already done, the call will already show up on Lily’s phone. And she needs to know.
It's only at the last second that the line picks up, and then there's a feminine, accented voice saying, “Hello?” in Yuna's ear, out of breath.
Yuna can’t reply right away, reality hitting all at once. For the past two days, Lily has been a spectre almost, real but not real, present but not present. In her dream, Yuna imagined them as a tall, beautiful, blonde woman, but truthfully, she has no idea what they look like.
Not that it matters, Yuna doesn’t care if Lily is short or tall, skinny or fat, blonde or brunette. What Lily looks like is probably the least important part of all of this. But without any concrete image of them, only words on a screen and Hayden’s brief knowledge, Lily had not seemed fully real.
Now they were in her ear.
She’s gone too long not speaking. Urgently, Lily asks, “Is something wrong? Is J—Shane okay?”
Yuna inhales. “He’s fine, I’m sorry, he’s okay—I just. …Lily?”
There is silence for a moment, unnatural. Like she’s been muted. Yuna clutches her phone tightly, her own breath loud in her ears.
There’s a hushed click. “No,” says—Not Lily, breathing slowing down now. “No. I’m, um, I’m Lana. Lily’s friend.”
Her mouth moves faster than her brain. She knows she sounds upset, too sharp. She knows, and she can’t stop it, can’t take it back. “Why couldn’t Lily talk to me herself?”
Lana hesitates. “Ah—she’s sick now, bad cold from someone on the plane. Voice sounds all wrong. Not good first impression, we think.”
Yuna’s not sure she believes that. Not all of it at least. “So Lily’s back in… Boston?”
There’s rustling on the other end. “Yes, made it home safe,” Lana says. “We have been watching ESPN since she got home.”
Despite herself, Yuna relaxes slightly at that. “She’s not alone, then,” she says, more to herself than to Lana. Though she feels so conflicted about all of this, she hates to think that Lily was alone at all during this—not when Shane had Yuna and David at his side the whole time. “Good, that’s good.”
Silence again. Yuna looks up at the sky, hiding behind a thousand trees, just peeking out in the cracks. She should hang up, and she knows she should.
“Lana, I know this is inappropriate, and that we only just met,” she says directly, “but can I ask you something?”
Lana hums. “Yes, go ahead.”
“Did you know that Lily and Shane were together?” Was it only us that Shane was hiding this from?
“Ah, no, not really.” Yuna can’t read her tone, both light and oddly… soothing. “I knew she had a partner, that is all. Just a name.”
“So you didn't know how long it's been?”
“I don't know when it began, but I know it has been years.”
Yuna’s heartbeat slows gradually as she speaks. It’s the same as Hayden, then. Vaguely aware of a relationship, but not much more.
Finally, she’s able to sit in one of their deck chairs, peeking in through the sliding glass door. David and Shane are in the kitchen, and David is making Shane some kind of smoothie it looks like. It’s so normal, that if Shane’s arm wasn’t in a sling she might’ve thought this was just another of Shane’s visits home.
But of course, things aren’t normal. She has Shane’s secret partner’s friend on the phone. A little shakily, she stumbles over her words, “Lana, do you think… are they…”
She doesn’t know what exactly she’s trying to ask, what kind of answers she wants. Under the layer of shock and concern, she knows she doesn’t deserve to ask, that if anyone should be telling her these things, it should be Shane. But Shane is inside, in pain, and Yuna doesn’t want to scare him again, make him cry again. She just can’t stop herself from having to know.
Somehow, Lana understands, even when Yuna doesn’t. “You want to know if they are good for each other. If they are happy.”
With a sigh that makes her whole body slump, she says, “Yes. I—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t dump this on you, but I’m worried about Shane. I’ve never heard about Lily, I don’t know anything about them. I just have to make sure…” that he’s happy, and safe, and doesn’t need help getting out of a situation he can’t escape on his own.
Lana hums and doesn’t reply right away. Yuna presses a hand to her chest, digging her knuckles in so she has something to focus on.
“Mrs. Hollander, I haven’t met Shane,” she says carefully. “But Lily is always much happier after seeing him or speaking with him. Lily, her ah, her father passed not so long ago. Shane was very kind to her. Took care of her even though they could not be together. So, I cannot say anything for sure, but I like Shane for Lily. I think… you have nothing to worry about.”
There’s so much there, good things, answers that send relief skittering through her bones. But Yuna can only focus on one part of it—“Lily’s father passed?”
Throughout this whole conversation, Lana had mostly spoken softly, hesitantly, like she was thinking over every word she said. But now, her voice changes, a little louder, a little firmer. “Yes. It has been a very bad few weeks. So I hope you will not be angry with Lily. It was hard enough for her to see J—Shane fall like that.”
Jesus Christ, Yuna thinks, pressing harder on her chest. “Is—is Lily there? Can I talk to them?”
Rustling again, hushed voices, and yes, one does sound rougher than the other. Finally, Lana says, “I put on speakerphone.”
Yuna takes a deep breath, watching Shane through the glass again. He’s going to be so upset when he realizes what she’s done, who she’s talking to right now.
“Lily, honey, I… I’m so sorry. For your loss and for everything that’s been going on with Shane. I know I haven’t made this easier for you, and I am so sorry for that. I won’t keep pushing, but please, if you need anything, anything at all, you can reach out. I mean it. I’m sorry again for... all of this.”
It feels woefully inadequate. She didn’t know what to say when David lost his father, either, but at least then she was able to make comfort foods for him, hold him close, reassure him that he wasn’t alone. Of course, this situation is lightyears away from that one in just about every way.
She feels sick while she waits for them to respond. It goes silent again, muted. When Lana comes back with a click, Yuna is ready to apologize all over again.
But Lana is quicker. “Lily says thank you. She will text you. Everything is okay, hmm?”
“Of course,” she says, making herself sound calm. How did this end up with her son’s partner’s friend comforting her? “Lana, thank you for your help, I’m sure this isn’t what you wanted to have to deal with today.”
“I would do anything for Lily, Mrs. Hollander. Just like you would your Shane.”
The words aren’t said unkindly, but they still sting.
After somewhat awkward goodbyes, it’s hardly a moment before Yuna’s phone is buzzing with texts.
The more Lily says, the worse Yuna feels. Are her hands shaking?
She’s spent so much time questioning Lily, not just who they are but if they’re good enough for Shane, and this is how Lily responds. With kindness. With forgiveness. Even though their father just died and then their partner got seriously injured, and she made things worse, Lily can say these things.
Scrubbing her face, Yuna wishes for a time machine, or a strong drink. Preferably both.
After, Yuna sits outside for a long time.
The past two days have been endless, non-stop moments of stress. From the moment that Shane fell, it’s like her heart has been caught in her throat, pounding so hard she can’t think about anything else. Shane being hurt morphed into Shane having this second life, something she knows nothing about, and it shouldn’t be worse than his injuries, but….
Hockey, she knows. Hockey, she guided him through for years. She drove him to every practice, every game; she knew all of his coaches and teammates and their parents. All of his brand deals and all of the PR, she’s had her hands in it. And that’s been his life for so long that maybe it felt like that was all there was. Whenever they call, he says he’s hanging out with teammates, or reading hockey books, or on his way to practice. He wears his Reeboks and takes pictures with fans and never, ever forgets the impact he has—the only Asian MLH player in the whole league. The only representation a whole lot of children have.
Hockey is Yuna’s domain, but personal relationships? David’s always been better at that.
She’s always tried to be supportive either way. When he began dating Rose, she told him about all of the things David did for her when they were dating. She made sure to ask about her and listen attentively when Shane answered, committing it all to memory. But then they drifted apart, and Yuna has waited patiently for Shane to say something about it, to come to them with his problems.
But why would he? Clearly, Yuna only makes things worse.
When she stands, her legs are stiff and her cheeks are wet. Wiping them quickly, she goes back inside, hoping to find Shane right away so she can try to make this up to him. He’s no longer in the kitchen, though David is.
Spotting her obvious signs of distress, he stands up straighter and comes around the island in just a few steps. Cradling her face in one hand, he asks, “You okay?”
His softness feels painful. She pulls away gently, shaking her head. “David, I really think I fucked up.”
“Yuna—”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to talk about it yet. Where’s Shane?”
David, her lovely, sweet David, doesn’t press her. “I think he’s in his room, honey. I just helped him call Lily. Don’t worry, I didn’t let him look at the screen at all.”
Taking a breath, Yuna fights with herself over what to do. He hasn’t been able to talk to his partner in days, not since before the game, and she knows she shouldn’t interrupt. But at the same time, Lily would understand, right? If Yuna has to, she will help Shane call them back at any hour of the day.
David doesn’t tell her what to do, just presses a kiss to her forehead. “It will be okay, Yuna. You love each other. And he was relieved you texted them, he said that himself.”
“I called them, though. I just—Shane said rookie season and my brain went on autopilot. I have so much to tell you, but I really think I should talk to Shane first. It’s waited long enough.”
He doesn’t disagree. Yuna slips down the hall towards Shane’s room, hearing his muffled voice through the wall.
She intends to knock right away, to apologize for interrupting, to ask to sit so they can talk. Then she hears what Shane is saying.
His voice doesn’t sound like she’s ever heard it before, like steel wrapped in wool. Sweet, but angry. “I’m just fucking scared, I can’t believe they’ve talked to you… is she being nice to you? You can be honest. …. She means well, sure, but I’m still sorry. … No, it’s not okay— … I know she loves me. They both do. And I love them. But if they’re making you uncomfortable…, you don’t have to defend her. Baby—”
Shane is silent for a longer moment than before, though Yuna hardly notices, regret clouding her thoughts.
“I don’t remember saying that, but… Is that what you want? Hah. Okay, baby. You’ll have to teach me how to say it in R—”
Yuna steps away, not wanting to eavesdrop any longer. Anxiety courses through her, making her feel sick and lightheaded. As soon as she’s in her own room, she slumps down onto her bed, and resists the urge to scream.
As soon as he’s off the phone with Lily, Yuna tells herself, I’m going to speak with him. It can’t wait any longer.
Her own parents never apologized. If Yuna was upset, then she just had to get over it. Her family has never been good at communicating, showing it all through expectation and disappointment. Yuna had wanted to be better than them. She’d wanted to take their mistakes and correct them. She’d wanted to do everything right.
She has to fix this.