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A slam of a locker echoed through the room causing one of the lingering nurses and Santos to jump in surprise at the aggression emitting from Dennis as he sat down on the bench to tie up his ratty old sneakers.
"Jeez Whitaker, you doin alright?" She didn't look away from the phone she had propped up in her own locker, she'd been using her phone camera to apply a bit of mascara to her eyes.
"M'fine... sorry" Dennis sighed softly as he took a moment to calm his shaking hands, he needed to relax before all this pent up energy turned into something worse. He'd been shaking like a dog left outside for hours now.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay home tonight?" She finally pulled her gaze from the phone screen as she applied a soft layer of gloss to her lips. She looked at Dennis with her all knowing eyes.
The two of them had only known each other now for about a month but after becoming roommates and basically trauma bonding post the MCI, they'd grown a bit inseparable.
Dennis shook his head dramatically "no!" He took another deep breath to real it in "no, you need to go on this date. I can't believe she'd even said yes"
A small huff escaped Santos but she was more shocked than anyone that Garcia actually agreed to this date too. Who knew stabbing someone in the foot wasn't a dealbreaker?
"But seriously" she urged and walked a bit closer to speak in a smaller tone "I know today's been pretty rough for you, and Dr. Robby-"
Dennis quickly stood to grab his bag "-and nothing trin, he's just being Dr. Robby as usual." Even as he said it he knew it wasn't exactly true, today had been terrible and Dr. Robby had basically made sure of that for him.
"Go and have fun, try not to make an absolute fool of yourself" he managed a mischievous smile for her causing Trinity to physically relax at his demeanor.
"Don't be surprised if I don't come home tonight" she spoke melodically as she grabbed her bag and basically skipped out of the locker room.
Dennis checked his watch to see that the bus wouldn't be at the stop outside for a while so he'd have some time. While everyone made their way out through the main exits or the ambulance bay he slipped through the hustle and bustle of the shift changeover to night crew.
The stairwell he'd known to climb up and down silently for months before Trinity had found him on the abandoned eighth floor and offered him the kindest thing he'd ever been given; a home. Sort of.
Living with Trinity Santos had become the only thing keeping Dennis afloat these day. With this absolute horror show of a rotation and his financial aid being severed in half, Dennis was hanging on the edge.
He valued their late night talks over cheep wine and their damn near mute mornings where he cooked them breakfast and she'd pack their lunches for the day.
When the days were particularly bad at the hospital Dennis would find her in some quiet corner or perhaps the break room and just lean on her for the moment. Never a full hug or any words exchanged, just a moment where they both knew they had each other if they needed it.
Before Dennis had Trinity, Dennis had the Chapel. On the sixth floor was a very small Chapel that he'd discovered on one the days that he'd go exploring the hospital out of pure boredom during his rotation in dermatology.
Tonight his tired feet carried himself up higher and higher, shuffling his aching limbs towards a set of large wooden doors.
Hands pushing strongly against the doors, the transition from linoleum to carpets seemed to not be planned for when building this holy space as the bottom of them would scrape the floor creating a shrill sound.
And for the first time today Dennis took a very deep breath as his senses finally escaped the harsh lighting, the smell of metallic blood and hand sanitizer that haunted the ED. More importantly, no one to tell him every minor thing he was doing wrong.
The Chapel was a softly lit space with stagnant air and complete silence. Large stained glass windows blocked you from seeing the industrial city scape behind them and for just a moment Dennis could pretend he wasn't here.
For a moment he could imagine being in old Broken Bow Nebraska on a Sunday morning sitting in a pew with his family as their Pastor read the word so passionately it would bring tears to Dennis' mothers eyes.
Dennis hasn't gone home in years, there wasn't a home to go to, just a house full of people who claimed they didn't know who he was anymore. Didn't understand who he'd become. Dennis wasn't quite sure who he was these days either.
There was a Chaplin who'd he'd met a few times that worked in this hospital. A very kind man by the name of Pastor James who'd always greet him with a warm handshake and a knowing look. He'd pray over Dennis every time he'd find him in the chapel and would never fail to extend an invitation to Sunday service in the church just a few blocks down the road.
Today he was relieved it was Friday because he knew Pastor James would not be here to see Dennis make his way to the front of the room and drop to his knees. He'd caught him like this once before and Dennis would not forget the way the man reminded him there was no shame in being devout.
But Dennis was not devout in his faith. Dennis was apathetic on good days and downright impious on the bad ones. Dennis didn't know if he believed in god anymore, not after those who brought him up in the faith cast him away the moment he wasn't what they wanted him to be.
And especially not on day like today when he watched a fourteen year old girl die because her family's faith did not allow her to be given the medical care she needed to survive.
But as impious as he was, he was more of a hypocrite than anything. His knees dug into the old carpet and his hands fell to his lap. Shutting his tired eyes sharply with his head bowed he let three words fall from his lips "dear Heavenly Father-"
Dennis prayed quite often, would pray before every meal, pray before a big test, pray over a patient as he performed CPR, prayed before bed when his mind would race with a million thoughts in fear of the day ahead of him.
Today he prayed out of desperation "could you please find it in your power to help me gain a better connection with Dr. Robinavich"
When Dennis had first heard of the Chief Attending of the emergency department he'd been described by many of his prior mentors from his previous rotations as one of the best physicians at the PTMC.
When he'd finally met Dr. Robinavitch he got to see just how impressive the man was. He worked in the ER pragmatically and wasn't afraid to lead with decades of experience. Dennis felt quite enraptured by him and as his first shift went on he'd even felt they'd had some sort of... connection?
Then Pitt Fest happened, and when Dennis found Dr. Robby on the floor of peds everything seemed to shift. Dennis saw the man differently, not in a bad way. But he saw through the cracks of a man who was being held together by a faulty foundation and Robby decided he would never forgive him for that.
When Dennis had returned reluctantly to the ER for his second shift of the rotation, the man who had once worn his heart on his sleeve was replaced by an unrelenting brick wall.
There were no more warm guiding hands on the back of his neck, or soft words of affirmation when Dennis had done something right and not a single ounce of vulnerability that they had shared once before.
Today had been the worst of the worst, Dennis had shown up to his shift a few minutes late as Trinity had accidentally slept in. When the two of them arrived Dr. Robby sent him a look that had his skin crawling for the first two hours of the shift.
Dennis was immediately shunned to work in chairs with McKay, this should've been his first sign of the tirade Dr. Robinavitch was about to go on because the man usually wanted Dennis close by to ensure he wasn't royally fucking up.
When he was finally pulled from time out Dennis was brought in to asses a patient and almost sent in a request for medication that was clearly listed the patient was allergic to on her chart. Dennis could almost imagine Dr. Robinavitch slamming the plastic clipboard over his skull.
Luckily the attending was pulled away into a more pressing matter and Dennis was able to tag along with Dr. King for a lovely skull fracture case.
Dennis was in the middle of charting said patient when he could feel the heat of hell itself in the form of a harsh glare at the back of his head, to no surprise at all Dr. Robby was stood with his arms crossed "Whitaker do you specifically pick my work station to chart in to piss me off or is it just another display of your ineptitude?"
"Oh-" he quickly began to close out on the computer "I am so sorry Sir just.. just give me a-"
"Just-just?” Robby began to mock “Just finish up before I have to make Dr. Santos pick up your slack" His tone was full of venom and Dennis truly wondered if he had a sign on his back that said 'oh please kick me while I'm down Dr.Robby'
If Dennis was a 'hound dog' as Dana had so lovingly nicknamed him, he was surely the runt just waiting to be pushed around by Robby.
But those were all quite typical scenarios that most shifts consisted of. Dennis was used to that treatment from not only Dr. Robby but many people throughout his life, especially his family.
Dennis could handle it. Dennis was tough when he needed to be. Dennis was good at compartmentalizing when he needed to. Dennis could face getting pissed on, stabbed in the hand by a scalpel, foot ran over by a med cart, slip on a puddle of blood and be forced to change his scrubs five times all in one day without blinking an eye.
He couldn't shake the case of his last patient of today though. Dennis couldn’t escape the memories of pleading to the parents of a fourteen year old girl to let them do the blood transfusion or their child would die. They refused the care.
He knew he'd acted out of conduct. Knew that citing scripture at a patients family was way out of line. But Dennis couldn't hold himself back from telling those people that they were making the biggest mistake of their lives.
And saying that in front of Dr. Robby was an equally terrible mistake. One second he was being screamed at by the father of that patient and the next he was being pulled into the break room and cornered by Dr. Robinavitch.
"Do you understand what your job here is Whitaker?" Dr. Robby's tone was eerily calm
Dennis felt his back dig into the counter behind him where the empty coffee pot sat. He wished he could've phased through the cabinet to never be seen again.
"Sir I am sorry I just couldn't stand by while they were going to let their daughter die-" Dennis knew he should've stayed silent by the look of pure astonishment crossing his attendings face.
"So clearly you don't understand" the man seethed as he managed to close the gap between them further, if that was even physically possible at this point. Dennis could feel his hot breath fanning his face, or maybe that was the flush that was taking onto his own cheeks.
"You are a student. You come in to learn. You come in to listen. You come in to do what I say, when I say it" a small pause as Robby braces his hand on the cabinets beside Dennis head
"You are never and I mean never allowed to judge a patient for the choices they make, do you understand me?"
Dennis was caught in this small space. He knew what Dr. Robby wanted. Knew that all he had to do was metaphorically bend over and take it, but something inside him burned to combat him. After all the patient will die.
The heavy hand beside his head slams against the cabinet causing Dennis to flinch in surprise "I said do you fucking understand Whitaker?"
"Yes.” Dennis spoke through gritted teeth and Robby finally stepped back allowing him space to breathe.
"Take a ten minute break. You have two hours left. Don't pull that shit in my ER ever again." A direct order and then the man was gone.
So now he kneeled in front of a wooden pulpit carved of the cross in desperation "I tried hard today, I tried to do everything right, I tried to stay strong and listen to what he wanted but Lord I couldn't just sit there and watch that girl die-"
His prayer was cut off by the sound of the doors behind him creaking open, his head turned quickly. For a second he had to wipe the tears that blurred his vision because his eyes had to be deceiving him.
"Dr. Robby?" His voice was barely a whisper as his attending entered the room cautiously letting the doors close behind him.
"Whitaker- I didn't know you would be in here" Robby was now changed from his scrubs, Dennis could see his hair was damp assumably he'd just taken a shower in the locker room. Even out of scrubs his presence was overwhelming.
Dennis felt so frozen in this spot as the man walked slowly down the aisle of wooden pews. Dennis didn't feel like explaining himself, after all he'd clearly been praying. What else could he possibly be doing in here?
"I didn't expect you to come here" Dennis spoke as he watched the man making his way around to stand upon the pulpit. For a moment he regretted his words; he knew Robby to be on the edge with his own faith. And after all this was a multi-faith Chapel.
Robby stood behind the lectern, he'd already been looking down upon the place where Dennis sat kneeling but the extra height of it was much more commandeering. This was exactly how they'd always be; Dennis craning his neck in pain to stare up at the demanding presence of his boss.
"Can a religiously repressed man not come to confess when he's feeling extra guilty?" There was something on Robby's tone that Dennis couldn't quite recognize.
Was he....joking with him? Robby hadn't joked with Dennis since the first time they'd met.
"Since when were you a catholic?" Dennis huffed out and braced his hands on the lip of the stage to stand but was startled by the quickened “don’t get up-“ coming from Robby above him.
"You can stay..."
Dennis nodded and stayed put, it felt like the only option. For some reason he truly couldn't imagine standing up just yet.
"So what are you here to confess?" Dennis finally spoke into the silence, seeing that Robby was making no move to speak.
Robby held his hands on the podium and tilted his head as he considered the question, was this gonna be a moment like they'd shared all those weeks ago? Vulnerability wasn't easy for the man, but to Dennis being vulnerable was second nature.
Dennis had this effect on people, his mother always said it was his big sad eyes that made complete strangers trust him immediately with what was weighing on him. It had started when he was younger and most of his family would confide in him their worries. As he grew it would be strangers in grocery stores mentioning things you'd never think to say out loud to a stranger.
Robby was just as susceptible to the phenomenon of Dennis Whitakers sympathetic nature as anyone else was. That's what led to what Dennis would call the vulnerable moment in peds on his very first day.
"I confess to being an apathetic asshole towards everyone around me-"
Dennis notes that this might be one of those moments. He shifts slightly to look more directly at Robby who now bows his head in what Dennis could assume to be shame?
Dennis would love to agree with him, after all Robby had treated him so terribly today he'd questioned his own passion for medicine in general. But it wasn't that easy was it? Everyone knew how truly empathetic and thoughtful Dr. Robinavitch was. Was is the key word here.
It didn't take a lot of sleuthing to hear rumors on how the man had taken a turn for the worst. Dennis at first thought it was the MCI and his fellow med students would've agreed as they hadn't know him before that day, but apparently Robby's been on an emotional decline since Covid. Dennis just didn't understand why all that emotion had to be taken out on him.
A sharp laugh escaped Robby's throat as he finally caught Dennis' gaze once again "specifically to you Whitaker" he spoke it like it was the most annoying thing he'd ever had to say out loud.
"Me?" Dennis questioned with a tilt to his head.
"Yes you" he huffed like it was obvious "I treat you like shit all the fucking time and you just take it"
you just take it- repeats over and over in Dennis mind.
It felt like Dennis was dreaming, a weird sick dream where Robby was confessing to the strange treatment he'd been giving him. But it wasn't a dream and the man was actually here in front of him saying it out loud. But there was no apology, no guilty tone, it was like Robby was still mad at him for having to admit it out loud.
Dennis wasn't sure what he wanted as the Doctor looked down at him expectantly? "No it's fine Sir, I promise you treat me just fine" the words felt like dry sand on his tongue. Everything about this made him feel so wrong.
He was lying, Dennis wasn't even a good liar too. He'd never be able to look someone in the eyes when he'd do it. Today was no exception as he looked anywhere but Robby's tired face.
But as he looked away Robby began to shift from his place behind the pulpit. Another slow, lazy walk down off the platform and now he was stepping dangerously close where Dennis was knelt. He felt the urge to stand up immediately, to try and meet Robby face to face.
"Do you really think that Whitaker?" He was so much closer now. Dennis could see the parts of his shoes worn down by years of wearing them. Saw a fray at the bottom seem of his pant leg.
Dennis was lost in it for a moment before he felt a large hand grasp his jaw, tugging harshly to force him to look up.
"You take it so well don't you?" Robby's voice turned to gravel as he said it.
If Dennis wasn't already down he would've fallen to his knees purely at the tone of it "I don't mind it" maybe that one wasn't a lie "I know you're just looking out for me"
A rough thumb pads at the soft skin of Dennis cheek "that's why you're so good Dennis, you don't mind a little direction do you?" This couldn't be right.
Dennis had to stop himself from pressing his face into the contact, his hand was so warm and firm it felt like the only thing grounding him to this floor. That and the deep pool of guilt he felt stirring at the bottom of his stomach.
"I want to be good-" Dennis rushed out quickly realizing how ridiculous it sounded. This entire thing was utterly ridiculous. "-I would do anything to help make it easier " he added as an attempt at correcting what was already happening.
"Oh I know you would, that's why it's always so tough getting on you about certain things“ something behind Robby’s eyes in this moment felt unrecognizable .
Where he would usually find contempt, they were full of want “you do know I am just trying to make you great, right?”
“Mhm” Dennis made a sound in the affirmative as he did his best to ignore the warmth pooling in his stomach. Maybe Robby wouldn’t notice how hard he was from this angle, maybe it didn’t matter cause Dennis could definitely tell Robby was tenting against his own jeans.
“Words Dennis-“ that soft touch against his face turned to a tender pat to his cheek “use your words”
Dennis’ thighs clenched together at the demand “yes sir, you know whats good for me. I’ll do anything” it was almost a whine, borderline a fucking whimper. And it seemed to make Robby finally do exactly what he’d came here to do in the first place.
That grip on his face disappeared as Robby’s hands focused on tugging away at his belt, the sharp zip of his fly and suddenly Dennis felt his mouth watering at the sight in front of him.
In simple words Robby was well endowed, in brash words Dennis imagined the stretch he’d have to endure if this ever went so far. Whatever this was?
“Why don’t you show me how good you can be kid” Robby’s hand wrapped around himself as Dennis instinctively leaned toward grasping a hand around the back of Robby’s thighs to brace himself.
Dennis stuck out his tongue warily to taste the salty warmth of precum dripping down Robby’s hardening length. “That’s good baby just open up now” Dennis wondered if he’d get whiplash from the surprising softness of Robby’s tone as he thrusted his hips forward.
Dennis let his jaw slack a bit as Robby slid inside his hot mouth. Robby felt heavy on his tongue instantly making Dennis shut his eyes to take note of the how the thick vein on the underside of his dick felt sliding against his tongue.
A soft grip laced through his curls as Robby slowly guided Dennis down down down until that little bit of panic set in his mind. Dennis’ eyes shot open wide as Robby hit the back of his throat harshly causing him to choke out. A gruff groan escaped from Robby’s throat
Those same slow hands grasped his hair tightly to pull him off his dick letting Dennis gasp for air “I’m sorry-“ he panted quickly looking up at Robby with a similar pleading look he’d give him when he messed up with a patient.
“Try again.” that soft tone felt a bit tighter now as Robby pulled his head forward once again. One sharp breath in and Dennis was wrapping his lips around him. This time there was no ease in but Dennis was guided to a rhythmic pace that didn’t press too far back.
“That’s it Den” Robby sighed out in approval as if Dennis was even doing much of the work. Robby continued to set the pace guiding Dennis’s head shallowly.
“It’s like you’re fucking made to be on your knees baby” Dennis took this chance to look up at him seeing the way Robby’s eyes crinkled down at him like he was something to truly look at.
Dennis felt himself sink into the position a bit more. The sting of the hard floor under his knees made him rapidly aware of what was going on in this moment. Robby’s hips jutted forward just slightly as Dennis thought about how he’d only just come in here to pray after a rough shift.
The hot shame of his shortcomings in this moment combined with the feeling of himself being restrained in his tight jeans was enough guilt to make him sick.
But not sick enough to stop himself from hallowing out his cheeks just once to hear Robby let out a choked groan. Dennis chased that with his very own muffled hum around Robby’s cock.
This was either the right or the wrong move because that shallow pace reverted back to a much more relentless level. Suddenly Robby was bucking into the back of his throat.
“Just take it den” Robby gritted out as Dennis’ mouth was being thoroughly fucked into. Tears sprung to his eyes as he clawed at the fabric around the man’s thighs.
Maybe this was it, this was where Dennis was supposed to be. In a holy place doing things that would surely send him straight to hell. On his knees suffocating on the man who held the fate of his career in his hands.
Maybe it was the lack of oxygen, could also be the sound of blood rushing in his ears or the tears causing his vision to blur but Dennis could’ve sworn that looking up at Robby he’d seen god himself staring down at him.
“Aren’t you just a holy little thing” Robby managed to tell him just as Dennis was shoved down towards Robby’s bucking hips. The feeling of his cock twitching in his mouth, cum hitting the back of his throat. He stayed there for a moment as Dennis desperately swallowed around it letting the salty contents be consumed.
Robby graciously pulled himself from Dennis’ mouth letting the man gasp for air once again. A string of saliva and Robby himself dripped from his swollen pink lips
There was now a moment between Dennis panting for a steady breath, and Robby tugging himself back into his pants and if Dennis wasn’t too busy blinking tears from his eyes he’d notice Robby’s hands shaking.
This moment was silence amongst them and the god that was supposed to fill the space between them. That space feels so empty when Dennis looks up to the man above him. The chapel never felt so quiet before.
That want in his gaze was gone and now Dennis wonders if it was ever there in the first place as Robby reaches out to pat his head “Go home and get some rest kid.”
Dennis almost wished it stayed silent.
“I’ll see you in the morning Whitaker” Robby steps around the spot where Dennis knelt, his hand dragging along his scalp for just a moment too long and Dennis has had the mind to crawl after him and beg for more.
“Goodnight Sir” Dennis barely recognizes his own hoarse tone as he watches him walk down the aisle and out the Chapel doors without ever looking back.