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As Shen Qingqiu stepped forward, his eyes instantly began searching. The entire cultivation world was looking down at him, but he wouldn’t let them see him as a weakened man. As a disgraced lord. He might have cheap, torn white robes. His hair might be unbrushed and greasy at the scalp. His skin might be paler than snow due to lack of meals and water during his imprisonment, but he still walked with elegance considerate of a Qing Jing Peak Lord. He still held his chin high and his shoulders broad.

The room stank of threatening pheromones. Some, who had better control of themselves, were silently glaring. Others, who were more bold, were outright baring their sharp canines and lightly growling. There was animosity similar to beasts present in the court room — and although Shen Qingqiu’s inner omega was shaken by the open hostility — he was always proud. He was always strong. 

Not everyone could live the life he had and preform the assigned duties as perfectly as he did while being threatened by a god-like being at every step ever since he regained memories of his past life. Not everyone would have been able to work with a pre-crippled cultivation base and push through the boundaries of what the healers have told him was possible for his body. Shen Qingqiu did all of that and more.

In the modern world, things were different. There were some second-gender-based discriminations, but many laws have been put in place to protect omegas. Packs were often consistent of family and close friends, so people rarely struggled with bonds or abandonment. Of course, if an omega ended up losing their home, they were often taken into rehabilitation programs, where they were aided in recovery and were helped in building new bonds with others who went through similar situations.

All because it was well known that omegas could die from rejection of their pack. Being the heart of the household — the warmth that brought others together — they were more intuitive towards the bonds of those that vowed their support and protection.

In this world, omegas were heavily mistreated. If you were born into a noble family, then you would be considered lucky to be the nth wife to a rich perverted bastard. If you have for whatever reason displeased the gods and were born into poverty or slavery.. The only life that you were looking at was one full of violence, misery, and pain.

And so, Shen Qingqiu hid everything away. His own nature. His own self. Pretended to be something he never was. Never will be. 

And yet, his eyes searched. They desperately scanned through the crowd, looking for at least one person from Cang Qiong Mountain sect. He hadn’t anticipated that they would be this late. Sure, the date of the trial had been moved, but during his arrest both Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan seemed ready to unsheathe their swords for his sake. How could they be late? Had something happened?

Suddenly, his gaze landed on Luo Binghe, who looked down at him with a dead look in his eyes. Through his confinement, his demonic disciple had paid him a couple of visits, which could easily be described as pure humiliation. Luo Binghe peered down at him like a child that was staring at a caged zoo animal. He would always show up spouting self-degrading nonsense, screaming profanities, and crying a river for a man who barely had the strength in him to breathe.

He understood. Luo Binghe was confused and hurting. He didn’t understand why his master could so callously cast him aside like he was nothing — throwing him into the depths of the Abyss. However, just because Shen Qingqiu understood, didn’t mean that he could easily forget the forceful hands as he was made to swallow blood parasites. He couldn’t forget how Luo Binghe shouted at him for folding a robe and setting it aside, how the demonic disciple ripped apart his clothes during one of their more emotional confrontations, leaving him shivering in the cold of his prison. Sure, nobody knew that Shen Qingqiu was an omega, but deep down he was horrified by the assaults and breaches of his personal space.

And if this trial will not go in his favor, he had to prepare himself to be turned into a human stick. There would be more touches, more hands, more pain. He had tried reaching out to the system for help, but it remained eerily silent, as if it had known that something big was coming. Shen Qingqiu could only wonder.

“Today — before us — stands Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu, the Xiu Ya sword.”

Huh? They were starting already? But—

His sect was not here.

His pack was not here.

Where were they?

“This trial will be addressing grave accusations made against the defendant. Those accusations are as follows: meddling with the dark arts, criminal charges such as mass murder, robbery, and assault. Lechery against younger disciples. And lastly, excessive abuse of his youngest disciple — Luo Binghe — who has been proclaimed missing for three years since the Alliance Conference, but recently was able to make his way back to us.”

Shen Qingqiu felt his head spin. 

However, the trial continued on without his input, as one of the so-called witness after another came up to the stand to speak against him. They spoke of his time as a slave, how he had murdered all the men in the mansion, how he slit the throat of a kind young master, and then ran away after setting it all to flames. The next group spoke of him as Wu Yanzi’s disciple. They mentioned having seen him kill the innocents (the righteous cultivators) and robbing homes of the rich for personal benefit. Shen Qingqiu could only grit his teeth as the room filled with more venomous stench — all of it screaming about the hatred and disgust they all felt about him.

Then, the perversive accusations were brought back up, but nobody spoke up in neither offense or defense. Whatever Palace Master had tried to bring up, was quickly shut down by those of more neutral opinion, saying that without solid proof there couldn’t be an accusation. And although his past visits to the brothel have been a stain to both his and his sect’s name — none of them were illegal or banned. Shen Qingqiu snorted under his breath. He could bet a thousand spirit stones that every snobby alpha in this room had frequented bars and brothels more than they paid attention to their wives and concubines. Rotten, all of them.

Through it all, he stood proud. He ignored the painful tug of the Immortal Binding Cables. He ignored the numbness in his arm from Without-A-Cure flare up. He would get through this. He had to. There was no choice. Should he let his eyes fall — the wolves would devour him. Oh, how badly was he missing his fan, where he could easily hide his face and silently observe. The lingering scent of blackberry and mint that dusted the air from Liu Qingge constantly carrying around his trinkets after he’d lose them.

His inner omega once more had him look around. Search for support. For his pack.

But no one was here.

And when the time came for the defense to speak up.

No one came to the stand.

Shen Qingqiu felt cold all over.

What was the meaning of this?

An urge began to claw at him from inside out. Suddenly, the fabric that clung to his skin was too rough, too itchy. The space in which he stood was too wide, too open. There were glares from every direction, and none were kind. His omega wanted to whine in distress, but he held it all in with tightly sealed lips. The only part of his body that wouldn’t stop shaking were his palms. He was overstimulated and overwhelmed, with an urgent desire to bundle himself away into a tight space. He wanted to surround himself with pillows, blankets, robes, and silks. Or even cheap, rough cotton. He wanted to smell Liu Qingge’s ripe blackberries, Yue Qingyuan’s morning rain, Mu Qingfang’s oak wood, Qi Qingqi’s winter frost, Airplane’s white strawberries, and more. He wanted to be surrounded and drowned in the scents of his pack, until he could think straight again.

“Master Shen?” He heard Gongyi Xiao’s voice, but it took him a while to locate it even though the youth was standing right there; by his side, “Are you..” Shen Qingqiu didn’t hear the rest of his question, as instead, his attention shifted elsewhere to the murmurs around.

“To think that nobody from Cang Qiong Mountain sect came. They must already know that he’s guilty, and didn’t want to sully their reputation further.”

No, that couldn’t be. They wouldn’t just leave him here. At least, they would have come to say goodbye. This couldn’t be true.

“Can you blame them? After everything that we heard today, there’s no denying the fact that he’s guilty. Look at how quiet he is.”

“Just look at his face — it is the face of a scum.”

It was indeed the face of the scum villain himself. The fallen master Shen Qingqiu. The one that Shen Yuan would read about in the modern life, not knowing that the man was his own reincarnation. 

“Serves him right.”

“What’s the point in defending someone as vile as him?”

“Hopefully they’ll execute him outright, so that we could all sleep peacefully tonight.”

“We can’t blame Cang Qiong Mountain sect for abandoning him here. I wouldn’t want to be associated with him either. Disgusting.”

Something at the sound of that world had caused the gears in Shen Qingqiu’s mind to shift. He felt his eyes widen in shock, and his breath get caught up in his throat.

Abandoned.

He had been abandoned.

His pack had left him.

His pack didn’t want him.

His pack had rejected him.

They left him to be torn to shreds, both physically and figuratively.

Single rejection or a torn bond wouldn’t harm an omega quite so deeply. But an entire pack? Shen Qingqiu’s whole perceived family in one go..?

There was no recovering from that.

And what happens to a fully rejected omega?

That omega dies of heartbreak.

The moment the thought had settled into his mind — everything that he worked so hard to suppress began spilling forwards. Because none of it mattered anymore. None of the appearances or facades. He was rejected, unwanted, abandoned. His inner omega weeped in agony as it tore at his own mind; shattering whatever defenses he had left as deeper animalistic instincts took over.

It started with the spill of a sour scent that made those close to Shen Qingqiu gag. His natural scent — when he wasn’t hiding — was one of sugary sweets with a hint of peach blossoms. Now, it turned into a vile, nauseating stench of rotten fruit and burnt sugar. Next, his skin paled, and he felt his temperature drop. Quickly with that followed his strength, as his knees buckled and he found himself slumping down to the ground like a forgotten sack of rice. With that, each one of his senses began to fade. His eyesight blurred, his hearing dulled, the tactile sensations drifted away until he was simply numb.

The first one to react was Gongyi Xiao who crouched next to him with evident panic on his face. Poor beta called for healers and aid in the frenzy of the events. Next ones, were Luo Binghe and his blood parasites. Shen Qingqiu felt the things within him stir back to life and circle through his veins in search of what was the problem, but he knew that even if they’d find it — they couldn’t solve death itself. The shattering of a bond, murder of an inner omega, was not a physical ailment that could be mended back together. This was deeper. This was exactly what had killed Shen Qingqiu first time when he saw the shards of Xuan Su. 

The irony of it all. 

“Turn him on his back.” He heard the voices, but they were all too far away. It felt like he was being held underwater, peacefully drowned in the sea of sorrow.

Something was touching him. But he couldn’t tell where or how hard.

He whined, and felt the entire room around him still because.. Betas weren’t supposed to be able to make that sound. They were much less in touch with their animalistic side. They didn’t suffer heats or ruts. They were mediators, and barely swayed to their natural instincts.

“..could it..”

“..an omega?”

He couldn’t gather sentences anymore. His chest began to hurt, and in order to counter the sharp ache, he began to purr. He rarely purred, always scared that something as small as this would have him discovered. His nests were always destroyed by the rise of the morning sun or bundled up in closets like they were shameful and unsightly. The only time he allowed himself to purr was when he was certain that he was alone.

Now, it did not matter.

Death was close, and he felt cold and alone. This was the last comfort he could offer himself. So, pathetically, he ignored the arms that were trying to keep him still and curled onto himself while he purred in distress.

His lungs felt tight. Like there was not enough air around him. Each breath that followed after last came out weaker and fainter, until he couldn’t breathe at all. A few heartbeats later, his heart followed right through. Blood parasites tried to stop him from dying, kept circling his blood, delivering oxygen to his brain, restarting his heartbeat, but they couldn’t do so forever. And eventually, his purring stopped, and intense — haunting — silence followed.

Shen Qingqiu had died.

From rejection.

“He’s.. Dead.” Gongyi Xiao was the first one to speak; still in shock from what had just happened.

In a matter of seconds, before the entire cultivation world, Shen Qingqiu was revealed to be an omega and died from.. Nothing? The elder had practically dropped dead on the spot!

“What happened?! How could it be?!” One of the cultivators shouted in outrage. The scents in the courtroom began to shift from anger to confusion. 

“Omega’s heartbreak.. Death by pack’s rejection.” The Huan Hua healer — Li Rong — had finally made her diagnosis as she slowly let go off Shen Qingqiu’s wrist.

“Shen Qingqiu was an omega?” The Palace Master asked; baffled.

“How could that be?!” Qiu Haitang screamed from where she stood, but the guards held her back and didn’t allow her to approach closer. The woman seemed hysterical, unpredictable and.. Violent.

“That scum was..” Someone else whispered, but it quickly died in the sea of hushed chatter.

After all, if Shen Qingqiu was what they all thought, then many of the accusations did not align with logic. If the man had been an omega, then it only made sense why he would often spend time with his younger disciples and freshly presented omegas. His instincts would most likely urge him to nurture and care, to make sure that his pups were good and healthy. It would make sense why he was secretive of his private life. His brothel visits would also be seen in a different light, as no omega would ever go there for.. That. The only time omegas would require such services from courtesans, it would be to ease heats without a mate, which was a common practice as cycles were a delicate and sensitive period of time.

As everyone processed what had happened, the accusations from Qiu Haitang also gained a new light. Why would Qiu Jianluo marry off his omega sister to his omega slave? There were more mysteries to this that did not make any sense.

“No, that can’t be right!”

”That’s just—?!” 

“Shizun..”

A certain voice broke through the crowd. The man who was rumored to hate Shen Qingqiu the most. The one who had gathered the evidence, helped orchestrate the trial proceedings, and ensured that the prisoner did not go out of line whilst captured.

And yet now, Luo Binghe appeared small. He did not look like a man who got his revenge. He seemed.. Heartbroken.

“Shizun is.. Dead?” He asked once more, and reluctantly, the guards had let him through and the entire court watched him drop down to his knees and peer down at Shen Qingqiu’s face, “How could that be.. This wasn’t supposed to happen.. That’s not what I wanted.. I just wanted.. I just..”

“Cang Qiong Mountain Sect should be notified.” One of the cultivators spoke up, “Although they didn’t show up to support Shen Qingqiu, he was still their Peak Lord, and according to tradition his funeral must be held on Qing Jing Peak.”

“Is it possible that his martial siblings didn’t know of his designation?” Another voice wondered.

“Perhaps.. If they also thought Shen Qingqiu to be a beta and considered him guilty..” The silence hung in the air like a pressure point, as a terrible picture was painted right before everyone’s eyes.

A grave misunderstanding led towards an elder’s death.

“This was rather unexpected..” Said one of the monks, who then retreated, to mumble a prayer under his breath.

The entire time, Luo Binghe did not move, completely frozen in place as he looked at Shen Qingqiu like the world had ended. Gongyi Xiao reached out and patted the other boy’s shoulder. 

“Luo Binghe, are you—“

He was cut off by him, “He doesn’t look dead to me. His chest seems to be still moving up and down.. Are you sure he’s dead?”

Gongyi Xiao knitted his brows, “I’m sorry for your loss. Elder Shen has passed. It was confirmed by the healer and..”

..anyone with a functional nose could smell that the scent of death has started to linger on omega’s body.

“But.. How could he die from rejection? They’re not even here to reject him..” Luo Binghe asked; seeming to be entranced in a shock.

“I think that was exactly it.” Gongyi Xiao tried to stay as patient as he could. He recognized the fact that Luo Binghe seemed to have gone a bit stupid from the turn of events. The alpha might have hated his teacher, but Shen Qingqiu had still raised him, “Elder Shen must have been in need of their support due to a high-stress environment, and seeing that he was alone.. I believe it was almost a self-defense tactic.”

“I..” Luo Binghe took a sharp breath in, “But..” He shook his head; stubborn, “No, that makes no sense. He just fainted. He’ll wake up soon and..”

Then, his gaze landed on the Immortal Binding Cables, and he practically ripped them off his previous master’s body in a crazed frenzy.

“Luo-shixiong!” Gongyi Xiao gasped.

“It is because his qi was blocked. That’s why he’s so pale and cold. Now, he’ll recover.” Luo Binghe reasoned. His pupils were dilated and lost, “Yes.. Yes. He’ll wake up. Must be just a flare up from Without-a-Cure. Nothing serious.”

“Luo-shixiong..” Gongyi Xiao was at a loss of words.

And then, Luo Binghe had raised his palm to cup his previous master’s cheek. Gongyi Xiao almost bit off his own tongue from the shock — and the audacity — that the latter was allowing himself.

On instinct, he slapped Luo Binghe’s hand away whilst ignoring the growl from the young alpha, “You shouldn’t be touching Elder Shen so intimately.”

Luo Binghe stared, and stared, and stared.

Until a lazy grin appeared on his lips, “You’re right. Shizun does consider this one to be quite filthy.. This one’s blood and lineage.” A ghostly chuckle rumbled from his chest.

“Luo-shixiong..”

Luo Binghe said nothing more.

The news reached Cang Qiong Mountain Sect two days after the trial. The Huan Hua representatives stood before the gates of the sect with a wooden casket hidden away from sight. Yue Qingyuan and the rest of the present Peak Lords frowned at the display.

“Tomorrow is the date of the trial. Why has Huan Hua come?” Yue Qingyuan — tried not to give away his growing anxiety — and stood firmly in place with his shoulders wide. He was the Leader, the Head Alpha of the pack, the protector. He had to appear strong no matter the circumstances. However, something in the dull look on Luo Binghe’s face, in the aversion from the promising disciple Gongyi Xiao, and awkward rub of hands from the Palace Master gave him an ominous feeling. As if something grievous had occurred.

“Something has happened, Sect Leader Yue. It seems that one of my subordinates had carelessly notified you of the wrong date of the trial.” Yue Qingyuan’s eyes widened at the fact. His lips — in a moment of shock — parted in a gasp.

Liu Qingge stepped forward, outraged, “What is the meaning of this?!”

“You held trial without the presence of Cang Qiong sect?!” Qi Qingqi fumed, her scent instantly sharp with pure rage. Any more and she’d be outright growling.

It was only Shang Qinghua’s quiet, barely heard whisper, that seemed to have stunned everyone into silence, “Is that.. Is that a casket?”

Instantly, Yue Qingyuan eyes snapped forward. No. This couldn’t be what he thought. This couldn’t be—!

“Peak Lord Shen was not punished during the trial.” The Palace Master rushed to say, and Yue Qingyuan for a moment — like a fool — let himself believe that this was someone else. He basked in short-lived relief and false hope, up until the man’s next words crushed him from inside out into dust, “However, Peak Lord Shen has passed, and we’ve come to deliver his body.” 

Silence stretched.

“..what?” Yue Qingyuan could barely process what he had just heard. The ringing in his ears became louder and louder, until only the static remained. The world seemed distant, the time had slowed, and the colors have dulled.

The green — the bamboo — had never been more ashen grey.

“Huan Hua extends its sincerest condolences. Our healers tried to save Peak Lord Shen, but there is not much that could be done against Omega’s Heartbreak.” The Palace Master kept on speaking with that same, fake, poisonous politeness. As if he gave a shit. As if he wasn’t elevated with euphoria about a man who always stood in his way being gone at last.

“Omega’s Heartbreak?” This time it was Mu Qingfang who spoke, “But Shen-shixing is a—“

“Rather appalling that Peak Lord Shen’s own martial siblings were unaware that he was not a beta.” The Palace Master’s words stabbed right through all of their hearts. It hit right where it hurt. Where they’ve all been cut open; left to bleed with a gushing wound.

“You dare—!” Liu Qingge was already reaching for Cheng Luan, and Yue Qingyuan barely managed to stop him on time. He was still numb. Startled. In shock. Everything was happening too fast and too slow. None of this felt real. He couldn’t feel the texture of his clothes or the breeze of the wind. This had to be a dream. A fabricated nightmare of his worst fears.

“Omega’s Heartbreak. My shidi died from.. Pack rejection?” He dared to ask, and there was something dangerous in his tone. He was a man who had just now lost all color. A man whose world had turned ashen grey. Whose world will never be the same again.

“Perhaps the stress of the trial was too much for Peak Lord Shen. If we were made aware of his omega status, we wouldn’t have secluded him within the Water Prison.” The Palace Master continued to speak with the same carelessness. Fake concern, all political gestures, and like he hadn’t just now told them that their supposed omega — the heart of the pack — died from..

from..

“We shall be leaving then.”

Yue Qingyuan knew that there was more said, but barely anything could be heard over the ringing of his ears.

Mu Qingfang without asking, grasped his wrist and checked his qi. Seeing that the Sect Leader was on the verge of a qi deviation, but not deviating yet, he left the Head Alpha to process his emotions on his own and instead rushed to the casket to confirm the identity of the body. As a healer who dealt with death on a daily basis, he knew better than to indulge in false hope and fantasies.

Luo Binghe didn’t leave with the Huan Hua delegation, choosing to linger around like a ghost of the past that he was. Mu Qingfang sucked in a breath that settled heavily over his chest, but said no more.

“You dare show your face?” That was Liu Qingge, with Cheng Luan already unsheathed and pointed towards Shen Qingqiu’s beloved disciple. “You left him for another sect, made him spend years in misery mourning you, and you didn’t defend him when his name was slandered in front of the jianghu. How dare you be here?”

Now that Mu Qingfang thought about it, Shen Qingqiu’s mental state after the disappearance of Luo Binghe made a lot more sense. If he had been an omega this entire time, then he must have considered his disciples his own pups. Omegas were known to be protective, attached, and loving. They loved fiercely. Perhaps, that qi deviation from all those years ago had helped Shen Qingqiu through an inner blockage and brought his more motherly instincts forth.

For an omega to lose a pup was a tragedy. They have not been understanding enough (they didn’t know). Instead of comfort, some began to make up rumors that the two were lovers or that Shen Qingqiu had killed his own disciple and was now wallowing in regret. But this entire time, the situation had been much more clear..

“Mu-shidi?” Qi Qingqi was by Mu Qingfang’s side. Her face composed, but grave. She did not look down at the one who lay in the casket; instead, her eyes were glued on the healer’s face. As if she was trying to see the truth through the reflection of his eyes.

“It’s him.”

The Qing Jing Peak did not select a new master. They couldn’t bring themselves to do so. Instead, Ming Fan — Shen Qingqiu’s Head Disciple — took over as an Acting Peak Lord. His master had prepared him well. All Peak Lords were fascinated with the boy’s quick skills and trained wit.

However, he was not the same as Shen Qingqiu.

Their pack omega.

The heart of their bonds.

He did not have that sharp gaze that could slice a man in half, he did not have that fan which Liu Qingge would always find laying around all over the sect, he did not have the same sarcastic, cutting tone which always riled others up into brotherly banters and fights.

No. Ming Fan was not Shen Qingqiu. Nobody could replace the enigma of a man who he had been. But Ming Fan did his job well, he did not complain about the longing stares and awkward silences. He was professional, well-adjusted, and diplomatic. However, he was mourning just like all of them. The entire Qing Jing Peak seemed to be shrouded underneath the fog of misery, where all disciples selected by Shen Qingqiu acted dull and twitchy. Nobody was pulling pranks or misbehaving. No one was raiding their Peak. Everyone was unnaturally docile and still.

Yue Qingyuan lost his brother.

A brother with whom he had never managed to be honest, because one thing that he was — he had always been a coward. A pathetic excuse of a Head Alpha who couldn’t even speak up when it was desperately needed. He had made Shen Qingqiu think that he was abandoned, left behind, forgotten.

He had made an omega suffer a rejection — all those years back.

The rot must have festered and exploded, when they landed a second blow, by not being there when they were needed the most.

Was he scared, in those last moments? From what Yue Qingyuan heard from the rumors — he was. That when Shen Qingqiu was dying, he was curled up, hugging himself, and purring. A single comfort before he took his last breath.

Yue Qingyuan did not notice the wood shattering in his grasp from where he grasped the edge of the table. The pain did not register, even as he watched the blood dribble down and soak through the wood. Shen Qingqiu would have scoffed at his antics, called his strength brutish, and then..

He would have pulled out a handkerchief and wipe the wound clean.

But Shen Qingqiu was not here.

He was dead.

The boy could not remember much. His brother was.. dead? And his sister was just given away to a strange woman in red clothes. His parents have mentioned something about not having enough money to get through the winter, and then the Alpha gave him a callous look that always led to trouble. Especially after he began to smell much sweeter than before..

Next thing he knew — he woke up buried.

Panic was the first thing that he felt. Maybe, his parents thought that he died and held a funeral for him? Such idiots! Feeling frustrated, the boy flapped around his arms; trying to push against the soil which was constricting his breathing and stuffing his mouth full or mud. Gross, gross, gross! There were worms crawling near his arms, and he was fully covered in dirt! It made sense though.. His parents would never spend money on a coffin, when they could buy food or booze instead..

After endless hours of struggle, the boy managed to crawl his way back out towards the surface. His body felt much stronger than before. There was no soreness in his bones, and he felt quite flexible. Conveniently enough — there were folded pairs of robes right near where he had crawled out from! Slowly, the boy picked up the white cotton and instantly left dark smudges across the clean fabric. 

“Ah..” He grumbled in frustration, but then quickly shrugged off any concerns and began to dress himself. The design was much more complicated than what he was used to, but he eventually figured out a way to make the layers stay on his shoulders, so that was good enough.

Now, he needed to figure out his plan. Shelter, water, food.. After all, he couldn’t go back home.. 

“Holy fucking shit. That was not supposed to happen.”

He heard someone breathe out, and the boy startled at the sight of a man looking down at him. He was dressed rich with a big hair crown pinning up his hair. Must be a Lord or a respectable cultivator, but then.. What was he doing so far into the forest?

Feeling wary, the boy took a step back. The man quickly analyzed their surroundings and proceeded to crouch down to the child’s level.

“Hey there. No need to be afraid. Do you remember me? My name’s Shang Qinghua. Airplane-bro?” The man introduced himself, but the boy remained silent. His glare only intensified after Shang Qinghua let out a long sigh, “I should have expected this.. If the cause of death is Omegan Heartbreak then..” What nonsense was he mumbling? “Mu Qingfang will know what to do..”

But just as Shang Qinghua extended his hands outwards, the boy shrunk back. Was he going to be kidnapped? Sold for organs? Raped?

A sourcing scent of milk poured out of him, stinking up the space around him. The moment Shang Qinghua smelled the air, he instantly stepped back with his palms raised, “Hey, hey! It’s okay! I mean no harm. Look, you and me are actually good friends, and I haven’t seen you in.. A long time. I just need to bring you to a healer.”

“I don’t have any friends.” The boy answered back, “And why would you be friends with a kid?”

Shang Qinghua awkwardly scratched the back of his head, “That’s the thing, kiddo. You are not supposed to be a kid. Last I saw you — you were an adult.”

“That’s impossible!” The boy argued, “That’s not how it works!”

“Aaa, it is complicated.” Shang Qinghua seemed to be getting nervous now. But what? Did he take him for an idiot? “You used to be a cultivator. All kinds of things happen to us.” Why did that sound like a lie? Something at the back of the boy’s mind was telling him that the man was safe, but..

He was obviously avoiding the truth.

“I don’t believe you.”

Shang Qinghua’s shoulders slumped, “Okay, that’s understandable.” He didn’t get angry? “What can I do to prove to you that I mean no harm?”

The boy considered it. There wasn’t much that this man could do in order for him to earn trust. Even if Shang Qinghua brought him riches and banquets, he would get paranoid over the price of what such treatments would cost. But.. Getting the man away from here in order to run an errand..

“I want food.” The boy stated; his mind already made up, “And I want it to be hot. It has to be fresh.”

“Okay, got it!” Shang Qinghua nodded, grinning like an idiot, “I’ll be right back, stay right here!”

Sure he would.

The moment Shang Qinghua was out of sight, the boy instantly bolted deeper into the forest. He ran until his feet were bleeding and his breath was panting. His side was hurting with a sharp stabbing ache, but he ignored it for the sake of pushing forwards.

A sudden urge to hide hit his nerves, and after some peering around, he found a large tree with a hole in the middle. Without any hesitation, he crawled inside, arranged the leaves and branches around him in circle (why was he doing this? why did this bring so much comfort?), and curled up into a small ball. An unfamiliar, rumbling noise passed through his chest and before he knew it.. He was.. Purring?

How was that possible?!

Ah, it did not matter. Right now, he was hidden and safe, stashed far away from anyone’s eyes and ears. He might be a bit hungry, but he saw plenty of berries and fruits on the way. He’ll just have to get them later, once he was done with his nap.

With a settled exhaustion — a boy without a name — had fallen asleep.

“I knew this would happen!” Shang Qinghua cursed, but did not hesitance, instantly pulling out an artifact from his sleeve.

“What is this?” Mu Qingfang questioned, eyeing the stone.

“The robes I left behind had a tracking array stitched on the inner layer. I feared that he might lose memories and run should he wake, so I took precautions.” Shang Qinghua explained, as he fixed up the artifact this way and that, to get it to work faster.

The healer furrowed his brows, “Why exactly have you not mentioned the mushroom bodies?” There was a hint of betrayal in the tone, “We mourned him. Have you seen what’s happened to Zhangmen-shixiong?”

Shang Qinghua groaned, “I didn’t say anything, so that there would be no false hope! The bodies could have failed, or rotten, or gotten infected!” He listed off, “But I did tell you the moment I knew it succeeded, didn’t I?”

“Why did you and Shen-shixiong have such precautions in place?” Mu Qingfang pressed him further.

“Because me and Shen-shixiong always stick our noses in dangerous business.” Shang Qinghua shrugged his shoulders, and then smacked the stone as hard as he could. Instantly, it began to vibrate and glow, at which he let out a happy squeak, “Yes! It worked! He’s not too far!”

“Good.” Mu Qingfang exhaled with relief, “You said he was a child?”

“I am not sure if it is because the mushroom body didn’t have enough time to mature or..” Shang Qinghua let his voice trail off as he began walking with the other man diligently following right behind.

“Or his cause of death.” The healer finished for him, “Omegan Heartbreak.. It is possible that his mind reverted to a time before he formed any bonds. Or before he even presented.” Mu Qingfang theorized, at which Shang Qinghua nodded.

And then, the scent had hit him. Vanilla and peaches. Sweet, but gentle, like a caress of flowers against his skin. Instantly, Mu Qingfang was plunged into a memory of a time from long ago, when Qi Qingqi had called for him to come with her to the Bamboo House, because disciples have reported being able to smell an omega in the area. Back then, the two Peak Lords worried that Shen Qingqiu was keeping someone against their will, savoring their heat for his lustful desires, and abusing his power.

They had barged into the house, but were too blinded by their prejudice to see what was right before their eyes. Shen Qingqiu had been the omega in question — possibly for the first time he hadn’t suppressed his scent since coming to Cang Qiong — just for it to backfire. He had two alphas storm into his safe space and intrude on his privacy. Mu Qingfang had never smelled the scent since. Now, he had finally recognized it for what it was. 

“It’s him.” Shang Qinghua confirmed, having also smelled the air. He didn’t seem as surprised by the scent, and quickly led them through the bushes towards a large tree.

Mu Qingfang was suddenly struck with a realization, “Shang-shixiong.. Did you know?”

“Know what?” Shang Qinghua furrowed his brows; getting a bit tired from being interrogated every few seconds.

“That he was an omega.” Mu Qingfang elaborated, and watched as range of emotions went past Shang Qinghua’s eyes.

Eventually, the other offered a small nod, “I did. After his qi-deviation where he lost his memories, we had a.. Uh.. Heart-to-heart, so to say.” Mu Qingfang was surprised to hear that, but it aligned with what he knew. Before that qi-deviation the two of them were never close, until one day they began to banter as if they were old friends, “I won’t tell you what we spoke about, but it cleared up a lot of misunderstandings that I had of him.”

“I see.” Mu Qingfang sighed, “We should see if Shen-shixiong is alright.”

The closer they got, the stronger was the scent. The peaches and sugar were condensed in the air, almost making it too hard to breathe. But Mu Qingfang was a professional, and Shang Qinghua was a well-respected alpha. The healer did not worry about the other man’s thoughts straying towards something appalling.

Just as they were about to crouch down, a low growl could be heard coming from a distance. With alarm, both alphas snapped their gazes to the side to see a Moon Bear. It was tall, with its black coat already puffed out to intimidate them, and it creeped towards them — a predator stalking its prey.

Mu Qingfang was ready to take out one of his needles, but Shang Qinghua’s hand clamped atop his wrist to stop him, “Wait.” He ushered, “Look.”

Mu Qingfang followed the other’s gaze and noticed two little bear cubs hidden further away in a bush; watching the whole scene play out. Instantly, the healer felt his breath catch at the back of his throat. So.. That’s how it was. The mama bear must have smelled the scent of presenting heat, and decided to protect the child from two alphas. Both Mu Qingfang and Shang Qinghua lowered their heads in a sign of submission, and let their scents out that whispered of ‘calm’, ‘no harm’, ‘no danger’.

The Moon Bear considered them for a long time, and although her growling had seized, she did not move away and kept watch. Her cubs must have decided that the threat had passed, as they clumsily tumbled out of their hiding space and wobbled towards their mother. She angrily snapped her teeth at them, as if in scolding, but quickly gave in and licked them atop their heads.

When Mu Qingfang turned his attention back to the tree, Shang Qinghua was already crouching down and scooping something up in his arms. That’s—!

“Shen-shixiong.. It’s really him. He’s alive..” The boy might be smaller than the healer has ever known him, but there was no denying the truth.

However..

Shen Qingqiu was far too young to be presenting. Usually, first heats and ruts were experienced earliest at sixteen and latest at twenty-two, but if Mu Qingfang had to guess, Shen Qingqiu was not even ten years old. Such anomalies occurred only due to trauma. Severe trauma. Was it death that had caused this? A plant body? Or had Shen Qingqiu lived through something horrifying at that age? Shang Qinghua didn’t seem surprised, and was handling the child in his arms with perfect ease.

“You’re.. Very knowledgeable.” Mu Qingfang couldn’t help but comment. Fascinated, he watched as the man soothed Shen Qingqiu’s whines of protest, and carefully enveloped the child with calming pheromones. The omega — still dazed — leaned his head right into the man’s neck; seeking comfort like a child would from its parent. There was no fear, only confusion.

“I’ve spent a few of his heats with him..” Mu Qingfang almost choked on his spit, so Shang Qinghua was quick to elaborate, “Nothing sexual! Don’t make me sound like a creep, jeez! It was purely done as very good friends, okay?!” The man sighed, and mindlessly began to pat up and down the child’s back, “He might not have any memories, but instinctually.. I think he remembers me. Or at least, his omega does. We always cuddled during his heats.” Then, he chuckled, recalling a distant memory, “He was also always such a glutton. No wonder he told me to fetch him hot food.” 

Mu Qingfang lowered his head, watching Shen Qingqiu curl up further into Shang Qinghua’s embrace as if the man was the sanctuary, “Why.. Didn’t he trust us?” He couldn’t help but ask. The knowledge that one of their martial brothers knew, when even Liu-shixiong and Zhangmen-shixiong didn’t.. It hurt.

“He never told me.” Shang Qinghua explained, “I just knew what he was. And when he realized that I’ve known his secret for years and I’ve kept it — he grew to trust me.”

Mu Qingfang nodded in acknowledgment, and reached out to take the boy’s wrist. The spiritual energy was brimming within the boy. There were no blockages or damages. The slate was clean — Shen-shixiong might have a chance to finally cultivate a Golden Core without any pain! Such a relief. His temperature was higher than usual, but considering his presentation, it was nothing of concern. There were some heart demons that Mu Qingfang could sense (even in a boy so young..), but nothing as drastic as what Shen Qingqiu’s older self always carried with himself.

“He’s healthy.”

What should have been a simple statement, was so much more than that. They both knew the weight of his words. Shen Qingqiu was never in good health. He was always deviating, always in chronic pain, underweight after the loss of Luo Binghe, and long ago, even had issues with substance abuse.. And then — they lost him. His lungs did not breathe, his heart did not beat. Their shixiong died cold and alone with the world looking down on him.

“He’s..”

Mu Qingfang was not an emotional man. Many said that he had a kind heart, but he had long grown cold. Having been dealing with casualties and tragedies his whole life — he had no choice. He couldn’t let each case pass through him or he would break. It was important to detach yourself from everything and block out the emotions. There was only so much pain that could be felt before it would shatter you.

He did shed a single tear when he confirmed Shen Qingqiu’s death (he did not allow himself more). But now, seeing his martial brother — their pack omega — small, healthy, and alive.. It had crumbled the resolve that held him together.

His vision blurred, his scent soured with bittersweet sorrow and relief, and then his shoulders shook. Ashamed, he tried to turn his face away, only to be stopped by Shang Qinghua. The other alpha looked deep into his eyes.

“It’s okay to mourn him.” The An Ding Peak Lord told him, “You don’t have to be strong all the time. I know how hard you’ve been working all these years. Patching up Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge after their suicidal missions.. Even checking up on Qing Jing Peak in your free time.. But you’ve never let yourself be sad about his loss.”

“I..” He wanted to lash out and defend himself. But instead, completely different words tumbled out of his mouth, “I was his healer. For years. And I didn’t know his designation.” He whispered, “If I knew that he was an omega, I could have objected against the imprisonment in the Water Prison, and then he wouldn’t have—“

“I knew of his designation and said nothing.” Shang Qinghua harshly cut through, “Do you know why?” Mu Qingfang cluelessly blinked up at him, “Because that’s not what he would have wanted. He could have always spoken up about his second gender, and majority of the charges would have been dropped on that factor alone. He had a reason to go through this, and he had a reason to ask me to plant the mushroom bodies.. This was his will, do you understand?”

“But..” Mu Qingfang’s traitorous eyes kept on leaking like broken jugs. Each time he glanced down at the small child, he felt knife lodge itself deep into his chest.

All the memories. Of how much they scorned their omega for being himself. When he would fuss over his pups and take care of the younger ones — they called him a lecher. Whispered behind the back of their own martial brother, like he was not one of their own. As if they were not supposed to be protecting him.

Each time that Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi challenged Shen Qingqiu to a duel, Mu Qingfang always stood to the side with an herbal salve and bandages on the ready, daring to feel annoyed in those moments. If only he had known the transgressions that he watched. The pack abuse he allowed to happen due to his ignorance. His negligence.

And when Shen Qingqiu used to go to brothels, it must have been for his heats. The courtesans did always scream at them that they had the wrong idea, that they should leave Shen Qingqiu alone, but no one listened. The man must have stopped going there after his qi-deviation after Shang Qinghua had confirmed his secret, and then started spending his heats with his friend instead. But they always barricaded his freedom. Got in the way of his choices. Shamed him for his nature and mind.

It was not a secret that he was a damaged person. That before his deviation, he whipped his disciples bloody. That he was strict with omegas and alphas, always teaching them discipline and rules harsher than any other peak. There was no excuse to some of the unexplained tortures that have been suffered under his hand, but.. Could there have been a reason? An explanation? Something deeper?

“Hey.” Shang Qinghua called out to him, and the healer’s eyes instantly snapped forward. Shen Qingqiu was panting now, letting out quiet mewls from discomfort and clinging to the alpha with all might, “Don’t get too lost in your head. You can talk to me if needed.”

Mu Qingfang had never seen this side of Shang Qinghua. Shamefully, he never had a high opinion of the man. Same as most, he considered him to be a coward and a meek persona. But.. These past few years have been a jarring lesson for him. His Shizun would have been disappointed in him. That man would have never missed Shen Qingqiu being an omega — he still had so far to go, so much to learn.

“We must bring him back to the sect.” Mu Qingfang spoke as he got back up on his feet.

“Aah.. Yeah, you’re right.” Shang Qinghua awkwardly looked to the side, and got up on his feet with a child in bridal carry, “He’s so small like this..” Mu Qingfang heard him whisper, and felt inclined to agree. Much too small. Considering he was supposed to be a grown man.

“Let’s go..”

The Moon Bear didn’t stop them, only gave them an analytical look and then inclined her head in approval. And so, the two cultivators soared up into the skies and headed towards Cang Qiong as fast as they could. Shang Qinghua was a bit slower in an attempt to be considerate of the change in pressure, but Mu Qingfang’s alpha was internally pacing; begging him to already bring the pack omega back home and hoard him away in safety, where he wouldn’t be harmed again.

When Mu Qingfang had left with Shang Qinghua, they hadn’t notified anyone about the reason for their departure. So, he wasn’t surprised to see the main gates having only disciples guarding the entrance; looking bored out of their minds. If only they knew just who Mu Qingfang and Shang Qinghua had brought back with them.

“Take him to the omegan ward. I instructed my Head Disciple, she’ll be waiting for you there and will take care of the rest.” Mu Qingfang quickly explained, trying to steel himself with how he will report the news to the Sect Leader.

Shang Qinghua’s head snapped upwards, “Wait, you want me to just.. Leave him with someone? I..” The other looked reluctant, and subconsciously pressed Shen Qingqiu closer to his chest.

Mu Qingfang understood the struggle, “He is going through presentation. He needs privacy, a nesting room, and an omega attendant. My Head Disciple is very well trained, and she’ll also be able to do a deeper scan without distressing him, to figure out whether his age regression is reversible.” He patiently explained.

“Ah..” Shang Qinghua dumbly nodded, “I understand.” At that, he was finally walking away, leaving the healer to do the hardest part of it all.

Yue Qingyuan’s living quarters could always be described in one word — lifeless.

The man never cared for owning too much (enough) furniture. He did not decorate, he did not display his kills or rewards. Nothing. Only in the depths of his office did he have a single painting hung up on the wall that was gifted to him years ago by Shen Qingqiu. All other pieces of art were often donated to other Peaks or put away out of sight into a treasury. This used to deeply concerned Mu Qingfang. Just like omegas had their nests, alphas had their dens. A territory that was always throughly marked and showed off. Meanwhile, Yue Qingyuan portrayed a blatant display of withdrawal from his own environment. He didn’t even scent his own space, only his office and the master bedroom had a faint lingering presence that the alpha was living here to begin with.

It was only later — after Shen Qingqiu’s passing — that Mu Qingfang was hit with an understanding. Yue Qingyuan considered Shen Qingqiu and the Bamboo House as the most important territory to him. All his riches and gold were always delivered to Qing Jing’s doorstep. His scent always lingered after he would finish a tea session with his dearest shidi. Only with Shen Qingqiu did he allow himself to release the hold on his nature, and scent the place as his own.

“Zhangmen-shixiong.” Mu Qingfang breathed out. The man before him sat surrounded with endless piles of paperwork. His hair was neatly put away and his robes were ironed to perfection, but his eyes were those of an exhausted widow. 

“What brings you here, Mu-shidi?” Yue Qingyuan did not even bother straightening up, but his eyes did lift from the calligraphy lines.

“Years ago, Shang-shixiong and Shen-shixiong have experimented with growing Sun Dew Mushroom bodies in case one of them should pass. Years of feeding qi, links the mushroom body to the cultivator’s soul, and when their body passes on, their soul gets transferred into the mushroom body instead. Then, it grows to accommodate the soul, and eventually rises back to life.”

Yue Qingyuan’s expression shifted. From confusion, to a deep frown, and then pure agony. There was deep desperation in his eyes.

“..what are you saying?”

“Shang-shixiong reported to this one about the bodies, and we went to investigate.” Mu Qingfang continued on, but Yue Qingyuan was starting to get inpatient with his lengthy narration.

“And?” The sound was between a snap and a growl, but both alphas ignored it.

“Shen-shixiong is currently in the omegan ward. His form is that of a child, and he is currently going through presentation. He doesn’t seem to have any memories.”

Silence.

It stretched for a long time, as Yue Qingyuan seemed to take in everything that’s been told and what it had meant. He studied Mu Qingfang for any lies or omission. And then, he dared to breathe out in a pitched tone..

“Xiao Jiu.. Is alive?”

Mu Qingfang felt something in their pack bond tighten. He subconsciously released soothing pheromones into their shared space. Before, Yue Qingyuan had always rejected any gesture of comfort. Believing that he deserved pain and misery for allowing Shen Qingqiu to die, but now, he let it happen with his eyes dilating from the scent.

“Yes.”

“And you’re sure it is him?”

“Yes.”

“But.. What..? How..” The man shook his head, then flexed his hands. Making sure that this was not a dream, but reality. “Why did Shang-shidi not report about the mushroom bodies?” The tone was accusatory, and Mu Qingfang completely understood. He too, had the same questions.

“The success rate is low, and he was worried about giving anyone false hope.” The healer tried his best to explain, and it seemed to be good enough (for now).

“Xiao Jiu.. Is really here?” Yue Qingyuan asked; needing another push. Another confirmation. Maybe he believed that this was too good to be true.

“Yes, Zhangmen-shixiong.”

“Impossible. How could this be possible.. All these years..” The Sect Leader probably didn’t even know what day and month it was. The time had long lost meaning to him ever since Shen Qingqiu had left them. And today — on this random day where nothing had been out of ordinary — Shen Qingqiu came back to them.

“This Mu will attempt to find a way to undo the age regression. There are many concerns about Shen-shixiong’s health. No one presents this young.”

That seemed to be the final confirmation that Yue Qingyuan was looking for. The Head Alpha sagged back in his seat; his face full of thought.

“..So it is really him.” He whispered to himself, and then faced to address Mu Qingfang, “When can I see him?”

“It is best that you visit after his presentation heat is over.” There were already way too many alphas who had intruded on the boy’s personal space. Right now, Shen Qingqiu needed care and comfort. Away from all the mess that his resurrection was about to bring, “You’ll be the first one notified.”

“Thank you, Mu-shidi.. This is..” His words seemed to have failed him once more, so he simply sighed, “Leave me for now.”

“Of course.”

“How is he?” Mu Qingfang questioned his Head Disciple the moment she stepped through the doors.

It has been five days since they’ve brought Shen Qingqiu back from the forest, more than enough time for presentation heat to pass, but he heard rumors of some.. Complications.

“How to say..” She sighed, “Shen-shibo doesn’t react well to adults, especially men. Kept asking us if we were going to sell him to a brothel.” They both grimaced at her words, but did not speak on it further, “He only calmed down when Xie-shimei began nesting with him.”

‘Xie-shimei’ being their youngest disciple. She hadn’t presented yet, but her honey-sweet scent of a pup must have calmed down Shen Qingqiu enough to feel safer. After all, a healthy and happy pup meant steady and secure environment.

“Shizun..” His Head Disciple sighed, “Are you sure this age regression is reversible? Shen-shibo’s meridians are young. Although he has steady flow of spiritual energy.. He was born with it in his new body. He didn’t cultivate it.” 

“We’ll have to try anyway.” Mu Qingfang insisted. For the past five days all he had been receiving were countless letters requesting to see Shen Qingqiu and offering any aid to help him recover. How could they just come out and say that the effects might be permanent? That the shock of death is not something that they can just undo? And who was to say that Shen Qingqiu won’t suffer Omegan Heartbreak again should he regain his memories.

“But Shizun—“

“Drop it, A-Ran.”

The girl deflated, but accepted his word, “Apologies, Shizun. This one shall retire for the day.” She bowed, and quickly left the room.

“My disciples are far too soft..” He mumbled to himself. After being treated like garbage by his own Shizun, he might have gone overboard with doting on his disciples as if they were his children.

The man shook his head. It was no time to be thinking about this when he had a resurrected, de-aged Peak Lord who was presenting as a child. What a headache.

Just as he was about to head to the medical library to continue his research on Sun Dew Mushroom bodies, he came face-to-face with Liu Qingge. The two alphas almost bumped noses, “Ah!” He gasped in surprised, “Liu-shixiong, how can I—?”

“Is it true?” Liu Qingge’s eyes were as round as two moons. There was almost something manic in them.

Mu Qingfang didn’t need for him to elaborate in order to understand, “Yes, it is. But he is not receiving visitors.”

“Why?” Liu Qingge frowned, “Is he injured?”

“Not exactly..” Mu Qingfang was getting tired of explaining to each Peak Lord personally the state of Shen Qingqiu. They should have called a meeting, but so many lords were absent, they didn’t have the time to do it, “He is in form of a child — mentally and physically. He holds no memories of Cang Qiong. And..” He sighed, “..he just went through presentation.”

“What?” Liu Qingge’s brows furrowed further. As a Peak Lord who practically raised his younger — omega — sister, he knew well that presentations happen much later on, “But you said that he’s a child..”

“Presentations can happen early due to trauma.” 

Liu Qingge didn’t say anything else to that, but seemed conflicted. Eventually, he found his words once more, “If you need me to get medicine or.. Ingredients.. Send a word.”

“Of course, Liu-shixiong.”

The reunion between Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu screamed of disaster, but Mu Qingfang had let it happen — with strict supervision — just to alleviate the mental ache that their Head Alpha had suffered for years.

“It really is him..” Yue Qingyuan whispered in disbelief.

Shen Qingqiu was moved to secluded quarters for omegas where he had everything he could ever want. Disciples personally delivered breakfast, lunch, and dinner alongside memory boosting brews. They went for lighter doses, as to not overwhelm the mind of a child. There were plenty of robes and nesting materials to choose from, and at some point after his presentation was over, Shen Qingqiu had been bathed and his hair was put away into a single low braid.

Mu Qingfang was happy to observe that Shen Qingqiu did in fact built an impressive-looking nest around his bed; with majority of the scents being his omega disciples who helped him through his “first” heat. The two men stood decent distance away from the boy, and pushed out calming pheromones.

“Who are you two?” Shen Qingqiu snapped at them, but there was no sourness in the scent. He must have realized that they were not here to cause him harm.

“Xiao Jiu..” Yue Qingyuan crouched down to make himself seem smaller, “How are you feeling?”

Shen Qingqiu awkwardly stared down, “Xiao Jiu? Are you talking about me?”

Yue Qingyuan seemed stunned at the words. Meanwhile, Mu Qingfang began to worry that the memory loss was much deeper than they thought. Carefully, he squeezed the Sect Leader’s shoulder to give him a non-verbal sign to stay quiet.

The healer put his face into an easy smile. He did not wish to alert Shen Qingqiu and have him lie, “Apologies, may this healer acquire your name?”

“..I don’t really have one. Alpha doesn’t call us anything..”

The healer hummed, “I see. Well, this healer is Mu Qingfang, and I have been in charge of your care these past few weeks. The omegas you’ve met are my disciples.”

“And this one is Yue Qingyuan, but you can call me Qi-ge if you’d like.” Yue Qingyuan joined in on the introduction, perhaps hoping to jog some memory. Instead, the child gave him a long, complicated look.

“What.. Do you two want with me?” Shen Qingqiu hesitantly asked, “I have nothing to give.. And Alpha won’t pay either.”

‘Alpha’? Who was that? His father? 

“You don’t have to give us anything back.” Yue Qingyuan quickly insisted.

“Indeed.” Mu Qingfang confirmed, although the child continued to look distrustful, “We just wanted to ensure your health.”

“But why?” Shen Qingqiu’s eyes were wide. Something sour leaked into his scent, but not enough to be called distress. It was closer to anxiety. 

“You’ve met our other friend before, Shang Qinghua, do you remember?” Shen Qingqiu nodded, “Do you remember what he told you?”

“That I am supposed to be an adult and I’ve lost my memories..” His voice trailed off in thought, and then the boy gasped, “He wasn’t lying?!”

“He was telling the truth.” Yue Qingyuan confirmed.

“So I’m a..” Shen Qingqiu’s eyes chewed on his bottom lip, “Then who am I? Are you sure you have it right?”

“We’re certain.” Mu Qingfang confirmed, “You are Shen Qingqiu, the Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak.”

“Uh..” Shen Qingqiu looked to the side, “What does that mean?”

“It means that you are a very high ranking cultivator.” Yue Qingyuan butted in, “You have many disciples, your own home, and—“

“But that’s impossible!” Shen Qingqiu argued back, “I am just a pup! My brother died in a dog cage! My sister was sold! How could it be that I became a cultivator?! I heard what Alpha said, they wanted to sell me too! You’re lying, lying, lying!”

Mu Qingfang’s face paled, meanwhile, Yue Qingyuan stayed calm and composed. He was not surprised whatsoever, “It’s true. You were sold to the slavers. They gave you a name — Jiu — spelled with a character for number nine. There, you met another boy who was called Qi — for number seven. The two of you were as close as blood-brothers and always looked out for each other. Later, you were given away to a rich young master. Your friend Qi, managed to escape to a sect. He wanted to get strong and free you, but he didn’t manage to come back in time. By the time of his return, you burned down the estate of that young master.”

“..what?”

Mu Qingfang was starting to stress that this was all too much for a child to hear, but Yue Qingyuan kept on talking, “You eventually managed to reunite with your friend, and the two of you for years studied cultivation in the sect and rose in ranks. That’s how you became a Peak Lord.”

“..And what of that friend? Where is he?” Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes.

“..it’s me, Xiao Jiu.”

Shen Qingqiu did not say anything for a long time. Mu Qingfang began to worry that they were about to be tossed out with screams and tears, but the boy’s scent remained neutral.

“I see.” Shen Qingqiu eventually sighed, “I’ll believe you.. for now.” There were actual — genuine — stars in Yue Qingyuan’s eyes, “But then.. How did I end up like this?” Shen Qingqiu gestured towards his body.

Mu Qingfang bit on his inner cheek, but knew that lying held no productive purpose. Shen Qingqiu was clearly a very mature and strong kid, “Cultivators are able to grow fake bodies for themselves with special mushroom seeds. Should they pass on — their soul transports to the fake body and starts life anew. You and Shang Qinghua were investigating something dangerous, and both feared for your life.” He wasn’t sure how to further explain. Telling someone that they died was not an easy task..

Shen Qingqiu quickly caught on, once more shocking the healer with his intelligence, “So, I died. And this body..” He raised his palms and stared at the lines of his skin, “..Is a back-up.” Mu Qingfang nodded, “And based on your surprise.. I should be an adult with my memories intact, but something went wrong.”

“I believe you subconsciously remember some things. Your speech is much more advanced than expected for children your age, you remember how to read and write.” Shen Qingqiu blinked in surprise, as if only now realizing that he was capable of things which he shouldn’t be. 

“I..” Shen Qingqiu swallowed, “I need to think..”

And that was their queue to leave.

The boy.. Wait, no.. They told him that name was Shen Qingqiu.. And that man called him Xiao Jiu..

Somehow, all of these sounded all too intimidating.

Names of a ghost from the past they saw in him, rather than a person who he was in the moment. Right now, he was nothing more than a boy who crawled out from dirt. All he remembered were fist punches to his face from the Alpha and screams from his mother who always regretted giving birth to them. The first word he had learned was a ‘mistake’, as that was what she used to call him.

He did not feel anything at the revelation that his memories must be now events of long past. His parents were dead? So what? They could eat shit for all he cared.

But..

He was missing so much.

Feeling like he was yet to live his life, but knowing that he had already done so. After Mu Qingfang and Yue Qingyuan had left, he instantly requested to be provided with a book to read. True to their word.. He could read. He could even write. His hand naturally held a brush as if it had done so for years, and wrote characters in perfect strokes. They weren’t lying. But.. What was he supposed to do with this? If he were to regain his memories.. What would happen? 

They said that his past self was preparing for death. Did he posses some kind of knowledge that put him in danger? Was it safer to remain small and ignorant? Maybe it was better to abandon the Shen Qingqiu persona once and for all?

He needed more information..

He needed to..

A knock cut through his thoughts.

“Can I come in?”

He recognized the voice.

This was the man who he saw first upon waking.

Out of everyone he met so far, Shang Qinghua had the most comforting scent. It wasn’t intimidating to him like Mu Qingdang’s or oppressing like Yue Qingyuan’s. Shang Qinghua must possess naturally more timid and controlled personality, a trait that was often seen as.. Submissive in alphas.. But offered strange reassurance to the him.

“Come in.” He called back out, and Shang Qinghua strolled in like he owned the place, and without any warning plopped down on one of the pillows on the floor. There were none of the formalities or pleasantries, and.. He liked that.

“Heard that you’re feeling better.” Shang Qinghua smiled at him, “So, how’s the whole.. You’re actually an ‘amnesiac adult stuck in a kid’s body’ thing going for you?”

“Not great.” The boy grunted out, “I feel like they’re all expecting something from me which I can’t give. Aren’t they important cultivators? Don’t they have better things to be doing?”

Shang Qinghua let out a small laugh, “There we go! That’s Cucumber-bro I’ve been missing.”

“A what now?” The boy had to blink away his shock at the nickname. How strange!

“You know.. When you were an adult, you also had memories from your previous life. ‘Peerless Cucumber’ was somewhat of a nickname that you went by.” Shang Qinghua told him, and the boy groaned into his palms.

“This is getting more and more complicated.” He whined, at which Shang Qinghua laughed even louder while pinching his cheek. He was much less afraid of upsetting him compared to Mu Qingfang and Yue Qingyuan.

“There’s a reason I am telling you this.”

“Then get on with it.” The boy huffed.

“Well, in that life you were ‘Shen Yuan’. And whenever we were alone, you always preferred it when I called you A-Yuan. You told me that your life as Shen Jiu was far too.. Hard. The name ‘A-Yuan’ was easier on your ears. So, I am here to ask you what would you prefer to be called.” Shang Qinghua patiently looked up at him, as the boy considered his options.

“..A-Yuan..” He tested the name on his lips. Something settled in his mind at that moment. “Yeah. Keep calling me that.”

“Okay, okay. Always so bossy.”

“Can you..” He hesitated, but after a reassuring nod from Shang Qinghua, he pushed past it, “Can you tell others to call me that too?”

“Of course. Consider it done.” Shang Qinghua grinned and then subconsciously reached out to pat the top of his head. At first, A-Yuan flinched like a startled deer and Shang Qinghua pulled back his hand in alarm, “Ah, shit, sorry! I forgot that you must not be—!”

But the touch was nice.

“No.. It’s okay. You can do it. Just warn me next time.” A-Yuan crossed his arms across his chest and looked to the side; feeling his cheeks heat up. Was he being.. Too needy? Was this what they meant by being touch-starved? Shameful! Embarrassing! Awful—!

And then, all thoughts melted away when Shang Qinghua’s fingers came back and scratched his scalp, right behind his ear. His whole body relaxed, and he felt himself going limp. Shang Qinghua’s scent was so pleasant.. Safe. Was he being scented? Like a pup by its parent? It felt warm.. His mother and Alpha never did that to him.

“There we go.” Shang Qinghua’s voice was far too distant for him to properly comprehend. But subconsciously, he began to curl back into his nest, “It must have been such a long day. You deserve some rest, A-Yuan. Go to sleep. Everything is okay now.”

A strange rumble crawled up his throat, and before he knew it — he was purring. He was happy. He was fed. He was clothed. Warm. Wanted. Nothing was hurting. There were no infected wounds or broken bones. Safe.. So safe..

Shang Qinghua’s scent grew bitter with sadness for just a moment, until he got it back under control, “Sleep, A-Yuan. We’ll talk later. Just focus on you, okay?”

That night, he had some of the best sleep of his life. (And Shang Qinghua was definitely established as his favorite person).

“Many of you might already be aware of the reason behind this meeting.” Yue Qingyuan announced. Everyone present has taken notice that their Sect Leader looked less sickly. The shadow that was cast over him ever since the passing of Shen Qingqiu had began to fade. Was he.. Moving on? Some of them thought. A few with bitterness, and others with relief.

“Is it about Shen Qingqiu?” Liu Qingge asked, and at the mention of the name, Luo Binghe — who was recently promoted to being a Head Disciple of Qing Jing Peak — and Ming Fan both jolted in their places.

“What about Shizun?” Ming Fan quickly stuttered out; breaking his usual composed character.

“Shen Qingqiu has been resurrected.“

Everyone (who didn’t already know) gasped in shock. It has been years since that day.. Nobody could have expected such a turn out. Even if someone would have been brave enough to collect all of Shen Qingqiu’s souls from the Underworld, he should have long passed through the cycle of reincarnation, “However, his new body is afflicted with memory loss.”

“And he is in a form of a child.” Mu Qingfang proceeded to supply, “His body is from a seed of a Sun Dew Mushroom, so usual methods of memory restoration do not work the same. This master is still investigating his case.”

For a moment, many did not know what to say, until they heard a broken gasp from Ming Fan, “Shizun..? He’s back?”

“Yes, Ming-shizhi.” Mu Qingfang was suddenly reminded of what it felt like to break the news to the Sect Leader. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him. Shouldn’t Qing Jing Peak disciples have been notified as well? Such an oversight..

“When can we see him?” Luo Binghe let out a desperate plea, his scent suddenly reeking of desperation, guilt, and longing. Ming Fan’s was almost a matching set.

“As if he’d want to see you after what you did.” Liu Qingge scoffed from where he sat, and proceeded to swiftly ignore the icy glare Luo Binghe sent his way.

Mu Qingfang sighed, and turned to address the two, “He’s open for visitors, but keep in mind that he’s very young and just presented. Make sure not to come off too strong or emotional.”

“..presented?” Ming Fan blinked.

Mu Qingfang did not explain, but simply nodded. Then, he turned to address the rest of the room, “If anyone is in possession of any texts regarding reversal of age regression or recovery of lost memories, this master requests to see those materials at most urgent time. Additionally, anyone with knowledge on Sun Dew Mushroom bodies is welcome to share any facts they deem useful.”

“Actually..” Shang Qinghua cleared his throat, “I have a theory on how it can be undone.”

Everyone’s gaze snapped towards him, making the meek alpha jump in place.

“Why hasn’t Shang-shidi shared so earlier?” Yue Qingyuan said in his much less polite tone. He must still be mad about Shang Qinghua withholding all the information which he did.

Thankfully, Shang Qinghua did not take it to heart, “Well, because I only just realized. When I spoke to him a week ago.. We formed a bond. A pack bond.”

“What?” Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah.” He nodded, “Which got me thinking.. If he is in this state due to… Well.. His previous cause of death.” He couldn’t make himself say it, but everyone understood. Nobody wanted to hear a reminder, “Then perhaps, building those bonds back up will fix it.”

Qi Qingqi’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Are you sure this isn’t wishful thinking? It seems far too simple.”

“Pack bonds? Simple? Shen-shixiong didn’t even form any for years until he qi-deviated.” One of the Peak Lords reminded.

“I believe restoring core bonds would be enough.” Shang Qinghua continued, “Trust me.. I usually have a pretty good gut feeling about these things.” (What he couldn’t tell them was that he paid his System absolutely astronomical amount of points for a hint about Shen Qingqiu’s cure. That, combined with him literally being the god behind all mechanics of the world, led him towards his theory).

“It wouldn’t hurt to try.” Mu Qingfang easily agreed, “We need to form pack bonds either way.”

“But how? If he’s the same as before his deviation, then..” Qi Qingqi nervously played with the ring on her finger. She could still recall clear as day a snarly boy with a cocky attitude. How interacting with him quickly descended into petty arguments or full-blown brawls.

“He’s not.” Shang Qinghua shook his head, “This Shen Qingqiu doesn’t even have a name yet, although he did request to be called A-Yuan.”

“A-Yuan?” Yue Qingyuan echoed back in surprise.

“The name Shen Jiu was given to him by the human traffickers. But A-Yuan doesn’t have memories of the slavers, or the Qius, or anything following those years. He’s still affected by the situation in which he was raised, but our sect has shown him that we mean no harm. As long as we do not damage his trust—“ Again, goes unsaid, “—then bonding will be much easier. He might be an omega already, but I think we all realize that he’s still a pup. By instinct, he’ll be searching for a family. For safety. In all of us.”

Shang Qinghua’s voice carried a strong impact across the meeting room. Each Peak Lord — especially those who were closer with Shen Qingqiu — all appeared to be in deep thought.

“Shang-shixiong.” Qi Qingqi took a sip from her tea.

“Hm?” Shang Qinghua raised a brow.

“You should speak up more often. You’ve got a bright mind.” She said, and without elaborating further turned to Ming Fan, “I’d like to visit him after you. If he inclines in needing something.. anything.. just let me know.”

“Ah.” Ming Fan seemed startled at being suddenly addressed, when usually his presence was pretty much ignored, and rushed to bow with gratitude, “Of course, Qi-shigu.”

Luo Binghe only continued to exist with a goal in mind that one day — he will bring Shen Qingqiu back to life.

What had happened was his fault.

Everyone suspected for it to be so at the surface, but they didn’t know the extent of roots to his guilt. After all, he was the disciple who was in charge of delivering the change of date of the trial. Back then, he was thinking that he’d get to keep his Shizun closer to himself, that it would prolong the proceedings, and then, at a perfect moment — he’d save the day. Prove that his blood was not filthy. That he could be just as good. That he deserved to be loved and coddled again.

However, before he could get a single word in.. Shizun was already withering away before everyone’s eyes, and then, he lay dead on the cold ground.

A man who had raised him, fed him, clothed him..

But also a man who had hurt him and thrown him into the Abyss.

What a pair they made.

Luo Binghe had killed him.

Indirectly.

Just as Shen Qingqiu had killed him the day he threw his white lotus into the pit of Hells.

But it was still his fault.

“Who the hell are you two?!” A prissy little boy snapped at them.

The omega was barricaded away from the world in a huge nest with a book in his lap, and he was giving them an impressive stink eye. Although displeased at being interrupted, his scent remained calm — vanilla and peach blossoms. 

Shizun never nested.

Luo Binghe — for all the time that he had spent living in the Bamboo House — had never even thought for the man to be an omega. Sure, he became an angel after his qi-deviation, but Luo Binghe used to believe in Mu Qingfang’s theory that the lack of memories simply made him forget something horrible, thus, turning him kind.

They will never find out what truly happened that day, but the child before them seemed to be a mix of Shizun from both before and after his qi-deviation. The two halves have reunited and snapped shut — filling in the gaps and showing them a person who Shizun was meant to be.

“This one is Ming Fan. Before your passing, you’ve appointed this disciple as your Head Disciple. Currently, I am the Acting Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak, until Shizun recovers.” Ming Fan introduced himself with a bow. He was taking this much better than Luo Binghe himself, because all that he could do was stare at his Shizun with thousands of thoughts racing through his mind.

Shizun was a small child. Skinny, fragile, a bit sickly-looking, but his gaze was the same. It was incredible. Cold, calculating, and impossibly intelligent. He studied Ming Fan from top to bottom; making judgement on the spot. Seeing dreams was not enough. If only Luo Binghe could read omega’s thoughts. Shizun was a man who always had walls and masks set in place. He never let anyone in. It made it so hard for everyone else to understand him. And Luo Binghe desperately wanted to—

“And you?”

Luo Binghe blinked, and realized, that the one being addressed was him. And— Oh. Those emerald eyes were now fixed on his person, staring through his facade and peering right at his soul. Shizun was beautiful.

“This one is Luo Binghe. This disciple is aiding Ming Fan in his duties.” He bowed, trying to be all courteous and polite exactly like Shizun had taught him to be. Was he.. Nervous? Taking over the Demon Realm had been less nerve-wracking than this.

“So that’s how it is.” Shizun eventually whispered, and then shut his book closed, “Until I get my memories back — I am not him. So, if you want Shen Qingqiu, then you can get lost.”

Oh, but wasn’t this such an obvious lie? Shizun was Shizun. No matter if he had the memories or not. Luo Binghe could see it in the practiced elegance of his limbs and in the frosty glare that could slice a man in half. Fuck, there was even a fan lying nearby, just slightly out of reach, and the book in omega’s lap was a poorly-written romance. Identical. It was all so.. Identical. 

“These disciples just wanted to see you, Shizun.” Ming Fan spoken up. There was a small wobble in his lip, “You’ve been gone for.. Years. We’ve been lost without you. Some of us.. Have known you since we were pups.” We were raised by you, went unsaid, you were like a parent to us. 

Shizun shifted in his nest, his scent sourcing with a complicated emotion. It wasn’t distress, but it wasn’t positive either, “..I don’t know what to tell you.” Shizun’s fists played with the edge of a blanket, “I’m just.. A kid.” No, Shizun. You’re there. You’re just hiding. And Luo Binghe was determined to crack that shell open, “I understand that I used to be your teacher but.. I don’t know you.” A beat. “I don’t know any of you, okay?! So stop looking at me like that already!”

The words seemed to have hit something deep in Ming Fan’s heart. He flinched, then tensed, and then went completely lax. Luo Binghe watched the other boy crouch down, and lower his head in submission. 

“This disciple was foolish. Although you used to be my Shizun, I understand that at the moment you are not. If you’ll allow me to start again, may I know your name?” Ming Fan smiled. And although it was genuine, there was blatant sorrow hidden within.

Shizun chewed on his bottom lip, until he deeply exhaled. The scent cleared out, and a monotone calm had settled once more, “..You’re both so weird.” Shizun chuckled, and the noise was music to Luo Binghe’s ears. He’ll make sure to make up for all of his sins. Shizun deserved to be happy every second of his (new) life. Luo Binghe would damn himself a thousand times over as long as he could make it come true, “My name is Shen Yuan.”

Ming Fan did not even miss a beat, “It is nice to meet you, Shen Yuan. Is there anything that this disciple can get you?”

“Not calling me ‘Shizun’ anymore?” The omega teased, but did not wait for the other to respond, “Hm..” He rubbed his stomach, “I’m a bit hungry. Pork buns sound nice..”

Luo Binghe perked up, “This disciple can cook for Shizun! This Luo used to do it all the time.”

“Oh?” Shizun raised his brows, and then flushed; quickly looking away, “Then you must have been decent at the craft. I guess.”

Luo Binghe’s grin couldn’t have stretched any wider, “Shizun used to say that my cooking couldn’t be compared even to the feast in the Heavens!” He proudly exclaimed, at which Ming Fan hit him on the head.

“He did not say that!”

“He did! You just weren’t there to hear it! Me and Shizun used to spend a lot of the time together.”

“That’s because you took up my space in the side room like the parasite that you are! Even though that room was always rightfully mine!”

“Shizun restricted you for making me sleep in the woodshed! You could have gotten a much more grave punishment for lying to a Peak Lord!”

“I wasn’t lying! There truly was a shortage of beds back then because of An Ding Peak’s strike, and you were the last one to join! There was nowhere to put you!”

“Ming Fan, we both know that it wasn’t—!”

“Enough!” Shizun’s voice easily carried through their squabble; quickly shutting them up and putting them in place.

And suddenly, Luo Binghe felt as if he was fourteen again, kneeling before a proud lord, who was seconds away from pouring a cup of scaling hot tea over his head.

“Get out!” Shizun snapped, but he didn’t appear to be angry. Just tired. “I want to sleep, and I want to do so in silence. Honestly, who’s the kid in here? Ridiculous.” He didn’t even wait for them to leave before he flopped down into his nest and faced away from them. Ming Fan’s whole form drooped with disappointment as he mouthed to Luo Binghe, ‘this is all your fault’, to which Luo Binghe responded by rolling his eyes.

“As you wish, Shizun.” He bowed, and quickly dragged Ming Fan away alongside him.

“Don’t call me that! I am not your Shizun!”

It was a month later that they have moved Shen Yuan onto Qing Jing Peak. They showed him the libraries, the dormitories, all classrooms, training grounds, lotus ponds, meditation rooms, and finally — the Bamboo House. Shen Yuan was surprised as he looked around the place. There was a feeling teetering at the back of his mind, like an itch that couldn’t be scratched, but at the same time it was all completely new.

“Where is my bedroom?” He asked a girl whose name he learned to be Ning Yingying. Out of everyone he met so far, her and Shang Qinghua were the most normal ones to be around. They looked at him like he was his own person, instead of searching for signs of Shen Qingqiu. (The worst one had to be Peak Lord Liu! The man couldn't even get one sentence out without growing frustrated and storming away, screaming at Mu Qingfang to ‘fix him already’. He didn’t need to be fixed! He was fine! How rude!) 

“Right here, A-Yuan!” Ning Yingying beamed, and without caring for any manners, busted the doors of a master bedroom open. The room was big, with a sizable closet, a bronze mirror, hung-up fans and paintings.

However, there was one thing missing.

“And where is my nest?” He asked dumbfounded, and for just a moment he caught Ning Yingying frowning. However, she quickly brushed it off and straightened up her shoulders.

“Well, this Yingying doesn’t know, but A-Yuan can just build a new one, right?” She encouraged, and once again without being told began to rummage through his things. She pulled out a couple of blankets and pillows, but they all seemed rough to the touch. Even from a distance Shen Yuan could smell dust clinging to their covers, “Hm.. I think we might need to borrow some materials.” She pondered, “Wanna come along?”

“Are you always this clingy?” He couldn’t hold himself back from asking, but instead of getting offended the girl bursted out laughing.

“A-Yuan doesn’t even know how clingy I can get!” She got up on her legs, and before he knew it, he was already tossed to the ground with his face pressed into her chest; being scented from top to bottom. Ning Yingying did not hold back. 

“G-get off! Weirdo!” He fought as much as he could, even though his inner omega was in delight for being so loved by another fellow omega. Against his will, he found himself relaxing, and soon, he was scenting her back.

“This Yingying is so happy, A-Yuan.” She chirped above, “Beyond happy.“

“Gross.” He mumbled into her skin, but there was no bite to it. He was completely scent-drunk, and letting out quiet purrs.

Somehow, the two of them managed to get themselves to the nesting warehouse on An Ding Peak and back, and by the time evening has come around, Shen Yuan had a decently-sized nest prepped atop his new bed. They ended up pushing it further to the wall, to create a less open space.

“Is that better now?” Ning Yingying asked, as she eyed Shen Yuan paddling his way through the blankets and curling into a ball. She cooed at the image he made, so he had to counter her ridiculousness with a hiss. He wasn’t some pampered cat for her to make heart-eyes at, “Truly fierce! I didn’t learn how to hiss so well until I turned sixteen!” That only seemed to add to her amusement..

“Go away.” Shen Yuan grumbled while dramatically turning the other way. 

“A-Yuaaan.” He heard her knees hit the ground. Such an annoying woman! “Don’t be mad! Do you want sweets? Books? Tea? This Yingying will get you anything!”

Shen Yuan gave her a side glance that put a strain on his neck, “Everyone is awfully desperate to please me.”

“Of course!” Ning Yingying nodded, “It would be an honor for everyone on Qing Jing Peak!”

His mood darkened at the reminder, “And if I never turn back into my older self? What then?” Would all of you still care about Shen Yuan? If he was not Shen Qingqiu?

He had expected her to switch the topic, dodge his question.. Maybe even snap at him. But instead, her features softened and she didn’t hesitate to reach out to squeeze his shoulder.

“Then we’ll have the task of raising the most spoiled young master in the whole of jianghu.”

Shen Yuan’s chest fluttered. Blush creeped up to his cheeks, and his stomach did a flip which he only used to get around Qi-ge—

Qi-ge?

…

..what memory was that?

Was that young Yue Qingyuan?

But—

“So, A-Yuan doesn’t have to worry.” Ning Yingying snapped him out of a daze, completely oblivious to an episode she had just cut through, “Everyone loves A-Yuan exactly for who he is. No matter if he’s big or small. With memories or not. We’re a pack. Always.”

“..Pack?” He repeated back; his tone hopeful. Fragile. So far he had a bond with one man — Shang Qinghua. But he wasn’t greedy, that would have been more than enough. However, for someone like him to have the privilege of pack bonds..? Multiple? 

“Yeah.” Ning Yingying assured, “Pack.” The hand which had been on his shoulder reached up to cup his cheeks instead. Her thumb carefully caressed his cheekbone that had lost its sharpness. It was now soft, rounded with baby fat. Just how it was supposed to, all those years ago. (Their Shizun might not know it, but he was healing).

“You won’t be alone anymore. Ever.”

There were maggots in the dog cage. They have long eaten through the eye socket of a boy who used to be his younger brother. Their white, slimy bodies that jumped and curled in place were insatiable even with their stomachs stuffed full of gore. The boy had no choice but to watch the bugs feast while his own insides clenched around nothing. He had been hollow for days. The Alpha, on the other hand, was content sitting by the table, taking generous gulps of rice liquor and crunching down on melon seeds. His breath stank, his eyes were glossy, his cheeks and nose were as red as blood. There was not a single coherent thought in the Alpha’s brain.

The whole house stank of his pheromones which he whipped around like a dog that piss-marked its territory. His mother could barely be seen or felt in the house. She was sat by his side, her shoulders slumped, her head lowered. The boy could recall that there used to be a persistent shake to her shoulders in the past. Now, the look in her eyes was simply defeated. She did not even care anymore. From time to time, she’d still flinch, but mostly she took the beatings with a stoic face.

His mother had no love for them. For him. She never asked for these children. His sister was given away to the brothel, just so that Alpha could have more money to gamble. Their brother got locked away after trying to steal rice from the neighbors. The boy wondered whether they realized that his brother had long died. He didn’t dare make a sound or a peep. He didn’t want the fate of either of his siblings.

And so, the boy sat pressed into a corner while listening to his parents talk. Alpha’s conversation was an identical piece of speech to the one from the day before. His work sucked, everyone always had a problem with him, he lost a gamble due to another man cheating him out of his share (it was never his own lack of skill. he was always the victim).

The boy’s mother had long perfected her craft. She nodded along when needed be, frowned when her alpha’s scent flared, and never — ever — interrupted him. Arguing or reasoning was pointless. Opinions were unneeded. She was there for comforting and need. She wasn’t seen as a real person in her alpha’s eyes.

And he wasn’t one either. 

A-Yuan woke up with a gasp. His body felt cold. His stomach hurt, and his nose was assaulted with a sharp scent of misery. He remembered. Not just facts. But solid, real memories. He had parents, siblings.. They ended up selling him to the slavers after he presented as an omega. Right. But everything after receiving the name ‘Jiu’ was muddled. No matter how much he focused – his mind remained blank.

“A-Niang..”

His mother was petite. She was tiny, skinny, and young. She looked younger than Ning Yingying, meanwhile Alpha was clearly a much older man. Somehow, he had never thought about that earlier. Before the dream, his parents’ faces were a blur, but now their images, voices, scents.. They were so distinct in his mind.

He wondered where they were now. They must be dead. They never treated him well. He never heard words ‘love’ from either of them. Never formed family pack bonds, not even with his mother. But.. Why did that make him so sad? He shouldn’t care. He thought he didn’t! He didn’t before! His parents abandoned him, killed his siblings, they, they—

—didn’t matter!

So, why was he so sad?! Why did he suddenly want his mother?! An omega who never held him, never spoke to him, never cared for him! Why did he so desperately want her now?!

The next Peak Lord to visit him was Qi Qingqi. From the whispers which A-Yuan managed to gather, her and the alpha used to be on bad terms for many years until they managed to reconcile. To say that he was nervous to meet her was an understatement, but he didn’t dare to show it on his face.

Right before the meeting, he asked Ming Fan to make tea and Luo Binghe supplied the table with delicious snacks. Then, the two men left him to his own devices while he shifted from side to side. None of this felt quite real. In fact, his dreams seemed more in touch with reality than his day-to-day life. He was playing pretend of a Peak Lord while wanting to do nothing more than mess around and read.

A-Yuan was nothing but an impostor. With everyone waiting for the real omega to come back and replace him.

“How come I’ve never noticed that you only drink the sweetest blends..” He heard Qi Qingqi mumble to herself as she took a sip. From a twitchy expression alone, A-Yuan could easily tell that it was not to her liking, but she continued to drink anyway, “How have you been settling in?”

Although an alpha, Qi Qingqi was a woman. Her scent carried the scent of nature. There was no musk or spice in it that often made A-Yuan’s nose itch. Qi Qingqi’s scent was one of morning rain, wet soil, and winter frost. 

“I’m okay.” He answered simply, “Why are you here?” Qi Qingqi raised a brow, so he proceeded to elaborate, “I heard from others that we weren’t friends. You didn’t like me as an adult.”

(Her hold tightened around the cup. She was uncomfortable, but she didn’t flinch away. Anyone else would have seen A-Yuan’s words as accusation, but she saw the truth beneath the layers. This was a young child’s curiosity. A pup probing at the edges to see who was a friend and who was a foe. Just how Shang Qinghua had told everyone during the meeting; A-Yuan might have already presented, but he was still a pup. A pup with no mother. No father. No siblings. No memory. He only had them to surround himself with. This was their second chance — to do things right).

“We had our differences.” The alpha replied honestly, “This master was unfair to believe the rumors surrounding your name.” She furrowed her brows, “However, you’ve done nothing to clear your reputation. It was all your own fault that the discord continued to spread.” A-Yuan wanted to duck his head down, but he held back an urge, “No matter. This one has had many years to reflect on how our relationship was throughout the years that we’ve known each other, and I have come to regret how it ended. We managed to find an understanding far too late.”

“..I see.” A-Yuan didn’t know what to say. The conversation was not going according to the script he had prepared.

She sighed, “I understand your confusion. But to answer your original question, I am here to get to know you anew.” She explained.

A-Yuan fidgeted where he sat, “There’s nothing to know about me.”

“There’s plenty.” Qi Qingqi argued, “Unless Shen Yuan doesn’t trust this one yet, and wishes for her to leave.” A-Yuan looked up at her in surprise. He searched for a hint of a lie, deception, or.. something. But Qi Qingqi’s expression remained the same. She didn’t rush him with his words, and patiently waited for the young omega to make up his mind.

Feeling more secure, he spoke up, “Tell me more about yourself.”

“This one is Peak Lord of Xian Shu where only women and omegas are allowed to reside.”

A-Yuan blinked up in surprise, “Omegas aren’t allowed to cultivate.”

The woman sighed, “Nonsense, that’s what it is. Omegas can be great cultivators, same as alphas and betas. Just because society believes for an omega’s role to be in an alpha’s home — doesn’t make it true.”

“But..” A-Yuan looked down at his lap; feeling lost. It is true that no one has mistreated him for his secondary gender thus far, and that he had met a fair share of omega disciples around the sect, but hearing from an alpha Peak Lord that she only accepts women and omegas.. How could that even be true?

“What’s the matter?” Qi Qingqi asked with a small frown on her face. He must have accidentally let some of his anxiety slip into his scent.

“It just doesn’t make any sense.” A-Yuan finally spoke up. “Why? Why do these omegas get a chance and others..”

Qi Qingqi’s frown only grew. She realized what the problem was now, but there wasn’t much that she could offer as comfort, “The world is unfair.” She said, “A lot of my disciples are home runaways or those who this master managed to rescue during night hunts.”

“..you even rescued some?” He asked. His heart both warmed by the idea and flared with jealousy. He didn’t have anyone to come and rescue him. He didn’t have anyone to come and save him. Why did they get a chance and he did not? Why did he have to suffer while others—

“Shen Yuan.” Qi Qingqi was a bit closer now. Her pheromones spread through the room. “This master did not wish to upset you.”

“..no. It’s okay. I overreacted.” A-Yuan forced through his teeth. He tried to ignore the buzz of thoughts pounding on his skull.

Qi Qingqi kept quiet for a moment. Deep in thought.

“Shen Yuan. I am sorry for what you went through.”

A sudden pulse of rage passed through him. It almost felt foreign. Belonging to a part of his identify that he felt disconnect with, and yet those words managed to trigger an automated response.

“Do not pity me. You know nothing.” He recoiled back; a second away from hissing like a snake.

“I never pity you.” Qi Qingqi said, “You can be sure of that. If there is someone in this sect who will never pity you or look at you differently for being an omega — that would be myself.”

A-Yuan slowly processed the words, and felt his heartbeat slow. He hadn’t even noticed the tension in his shoulders until they fell back down.

Qi Qingqi wasn’t pampering him. She wasn’t coddling or cooing at him like everyone else. There was also none of that sickening — misplaced — guilt that A-Yuan constantly saw on Yue Qingyuan’s and Luo Binghe’s faces. There was obvious regret and desire to reconnect, but the urges were well-controlled. She wasn’t overstepping any boundaries or acting too familiar. She also wasn’t a liar. Nothing she had said was sugarcoated, all of her words and thoughts were clearly laid out on the table for A-Yuan to judge for himself.

Having made a decision, he hummed, “Tell me more.”

Young master’s hands wandered a lot. It started with fleeting touches. When Xiao Jiu would stumble, the young alpha would be there to catch him from his fall. He would squeeze tight at the elbow, and help the boy balance. What seemed innocent to onlookers, would always leave Xiao Jiu shaking with dread.

Young master’s smile was unsettling. His eyes roamed the omega’s figure like he was nothing but a doll to admire. He cooed at Xiao Jiu and Qiu Haitang whenever he watched them play. At times, he would even stay back and observe, as the young mistress dressed Xiao Jiu in dresses, braided his hair, made him try on different collars.

And then, one night, Xiao Jiu felt an ache in his stomach. It woke him up from his dream, and in confusion he could do nothing but curl onto himself. His hands were wrapped around his middle while he pressed his knees up to his chest. No matter how much he slowed his breathing or purred — nothing helped. The pain only continued to spread, as it pulsed through his insides in flashing waves.

“Aww.. Xiao Jiu. What’s going on here?”

The boy didn’t even notice young master come into the basement where he slept in a bundled up corner. Maybe he wanted to have some wine. With determination, Xiao Jiu forced himself to stand up on his shaky legs and bow to the alpha.

“Apologies, Young Master Qiu. How can this lowly slave serve you?” Xiao Jiu asked. His mind was more focused on the pain rather than on the man before him. Maybe if he was paying attention, he would have noticed Qiu Jianluo’s lips stretching into a sadistic grin.

He flinched when young master’s hand sneaked around his chin; forcing his neck to bent at an uncomfortable angle. Their difference in height and built was striking.

All of a sudden, he was reminded of his own mother. How she was always so small and vulnerable, and his father..

“This one can think of multiple things you could do for me.”

..was nothing more than a beast.

Xiao Jiu was never a gullible boy. He smelled the assaulting pheromones that screamed of dominion and power. The young master was completely unbothered by the omega in his hold squirming in discomfort; trying to get away. No.. The more resistance Xiao Jiu showed, the more excitement it brought. It was never fun to play with toys that were awfully docile. A little challenge, some teeth, and a bruising bite.. Wasn’t that just far more entertaining?

“Does it hurt, Xiao Jiu?”

It wouldn’t be the first time young master would ask him this question, but it would never be out of concern. The omega’s pain would be nothing but a main actor in the theater of misery that would become of Xiao Jiu’s life.

Xiao Jiu would spend many of those years thinking of his mother. A woman who never learned to love her children. Who wasn’t allowed to exist as a person. Who had died the day she had met Xiao Jiu’s father — the spark in her eyes gone from this world never to be seen again. He would think of his sister. A baby that was sold to the brothel when she was barely two years old, all because she was a colic baby who never knew to be quiet. The winter was cold that year. They didn’t need another mouth to feed.

On the winter when Xiao Jiu was fifteen years old — the Qiu Manor had gone up in flames — but the boy did not feel any warmer.

A-Yuan (..or Xiao Jiu?) woke up feeling hollow.

There was an ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away. As more time went by, he began to grow older. But the older he got, the more memories would resurface.

Sometimes, he would dream of another world. Where he had a family that didn’t sell him. There, he was a middle child who was chronically ill. A sight of a hospital bed was just as familiar to him as the presence of his own room. When he was hospitalized for sepsis for the first time, his mother used to stay with him in the room. She had the passion to argue with the doctors, demand explanation for every blood test result and prescribed medication. However, as years went by, he found himself lying in the hospital room all alone. His mother’s comforting scent gone, where only antiseptic and artificial citrus could be sensed.

Other times — more commonly — he would dream of the life he had in the present world. And those memories held nothing but.. Darkness. Darkness that began to accumulate in his heart and spread through his body and mind like rot.

Why was there not a single good thing in his life? Not even one pleasant memory? How did he manage to live through it all? How did he ever feel clean with the filth clogging up his veins?

That morning as he sat in a tub of hot water he scrubbed himself until his skin was raw. He washed off the scent of distress that condensed on his person overnight, and forced a mask of indifference to be strapped onto his face. He began to yield a fan just like his older self used to; hiding all emotions and cracks behind the wall. Some saw this as improvement, a sign that he’ll be ‘back to normal’ soon.

A-Yuan, on another hand, had a sudden fleeting fear. A thought that was all too dangerous to entertain.

Did he even want to remember?

“Good morning, Shizun!” Luo Binghe greeted him once he exited the Bamboo House. A-Yuan had grown taller. His height now was just below the alpha’s shoulder, “What can this disciple make you for breakfast?”

Luo Binghe reminded A-Yuan of a dog. Always happy to see its master. Wiggling its tail and panting with an excessive drool; excited just to be in the presence of the object of their focus.

“Thank you, Luo Binghe, but I am not hungry today.” He tried to dismiss the man and walk past him, but Luo Binghe crouched down and displayed a pout of the century. What is this?! You’re a grown alpha male — act like it!

“Shizuuuun. This disciple told you many times that you can just call him ‘Binghe’.”

“And I told you many times not to call me ‘Shizun’. I am Shen Yuan!”

Luo Binghe sighed while resting his face in his palms; his elbows were propped on his knees, “Apologies.” He did not sound sorry whatsoever. A-Yuan learned to not expect a change, “But you should eat something. It is bad for your health to skip meals.”

“I’ll consider it..” Luo Binghe brightened up, “..later.” He drooped with disappointment. The switch-up was so instant, it was almost fascinating.

A-Yuan continued on his way. He wasn’t sure where he was headed, but he needed to clear his head. The brightness of the sun and the fresh breeze were already making him feel better. Now, all that was left was some peace and quiet. (There was something dangerous rumbling under his skin. Hammering between the edges of his skull. Warning him. Reminding him that he couldn’t hide forever, and eventually, he would be forced to face the truth).

A whooshing sound made A-Yuan freeze in his step. He snapped his head towards the noise — it was coming from the training grounds. Were disciples practicing sword forms? And yet, it didn’t sound quite right. There was a snapping string and a pained cry.

“W-what?” His eyes turned as wide as they could get.

A girl — no older than twelve — was kneeling in front of everyone with her head bent low. There was a circle of disciples murmuring around her, but nobody was rushing to help or defend her. Instead, they all watched — some with fear, some with indifference, a few with fascination — as one of the older Hall Masters raised a whip in his hand and whammed it against her back. The girl was brave. This time, she did not cry out, but managed to bite her lip at the very last second.

“To think that such disobedience could be overlooked!” The Hall Masters shouted, as he raised his arm once more.

A-Yuan thought that his heart was about to beat out of his chest. He wanted to run up and stop it, but at the same time, fear paralyzed him in place. And something primal was not letting him look away. Like a useless bystander, he kept on staring, getting lost in his own mind.

“Such pathetic pup dared to pull tricks against her martial siblings?!” The Hall Master then recited the Qing Jing Peak rules that she must have broken, all while ignoring the bleeding back and the eerie silence from the girl. Did she pass out? Was she okay? Was she—

Was she even alive?

Why were they all just watching? Why was nobody helping? Weren’t her martial siblings her pack? So, why were they doing nothing but just staring ahead as one of their own was beaten down? None of the rules she broke deserved such grave punishment. Why wasn’t anyone helping her?! Why were they just abandoning her—?! Why—?!

“To think that nobody from Cang Qiong Mountain sect came. They must already know that he’s guilty, and didn’t want to sully their reputation further.”

His legs finally found it in themselves to let him move. A-Yuan raced, ignoring the embarrassing stumbles in his step. Suddenly, his robes felt all too large. He was going to drown in the silks and suffocate (but no matter what, he was going to get to that girl. she needed him. he had to save her). There was an unnatural sense of urgency that was getting harder and harder to fight. His wrists and neck itched. The energy coursing through his meridians sparkled in agony, but he pushed past that ache towards the gathered — useless — crowd.

“Can you blame them? After everything that we heard today, there’s no denying the fact that he’s guilty. Look at how quiet he is.”

“H-hey! You can’t just—!” Someone grabbed him by the shoulder and tried to pull him back. Not everyone knew of his real identity yet, so majority of the disciples did not realize the boundaries which they were overstepping.

But in that moment, A-Yuan did not care. His most animalistic instincts came up to the surface and he bared his teeth with a violent, threatening hiss. His eyes sharpened into slits and glowed with turquoise green; ensuring that others knew he was not playing around. The space around him fell quiet.

“Did he just hiss at me?!” The boy from before chocked on his own spit. A-Yuan quickly sniffed the air. An alpha, of course. Always the entitled ones. Well, it was no matter. He kept on walking forward; the smarter children who have realized his intention for violence obediently stepped out of his way, “Hey, omega! I am talking to you!”

The alpha’s hand had buried itself in A-Yuan’s locks and harshly pulled him back.

The gears in omega’s head turned and snapped into place. It felt right to give into his instincts, and let his wolf take control when sober thinking would get too complicated.

He let out a growl with a keen, and rushed to attack.

“We can’t blame Cang Qiong Mountain sect for abandoning him here. I wouldn’t want to be associated with him either. Disgusting.”

There was a commotion around him. He tried to fight them off — determined to get to the young girl and check on her wellbeing (his pup. that was one of his pups. he was remembering now. it was all coming back to him. he was the Lord of Qing Jing Peak. the Pack Omega. all disciples in green robes were his to protect. his to instruct. his to guide towards the better future) — but there were far too many hands on him. Some held him down by the shoulders. Others pinned his legs. A foolish beta even dared to lock a palm around his throat whilst pressing down on the scent glands; trying to force out a submission.

He scratched. He kicked. He bit. He growled. He snarled. His scent growing more sour and bitter with each second. And when he was close to losing hope — he let out a loud, wailing call for help from his pack.

They will not come, they’ll abandon you (again), his subconsciousness traitorously whispered.

They’ll protect me, they won’t leave me, his omega assured him back.

“What the hell is going on here?!” A-Yuan heard a familiar shout, and felt some of the tension bleed out of him. He wasn’t calm yet, but he was reassured. His pack came when he called. He wasn’t abandoned.

“Shang-shishu!” One of the disciples — it was now registering to him that a lot of these disciples were new. he didn’t select them. was it Ming Fan? if so, a discussion would need to be had — gaped at the other Peak Lord rushing towards them; already jumping down from his sword and pulling the crowd apart.

“Peak Lord Shang.” The Hall Master greeted, although he seemed far more nervous now, “There was a situation..”

“I can see that!” Shang Qinghua snapped with his scent flaring. He crouched right next to A-Yuan and growled at the disciples who were still holding the omega immobile, “Take your hands off him before this master cuts them off!”

They instantly wielded under the command of an alpha. A man who was usually seen as a pushover coward, was now beyond himself with rage. The moment arms were gone from A-Yuan’s body, Shang Qinghua scooped up the omega into his embrace.

“What the hell happened here?!” Shang Qinghua demanded to know.

“This one was instructing one of the disciples. It seemed that the boy—“ he vaguely gestured in A-Yuan’s direction “—was displeased by this one’s methods, and tried to intervene. However, he attacked a disciple nearby and they defended.”

Shang Qinghua furrowed his brows, “This boy is your Lord.”

The Hall Master paled. Instantly. 

Shang Qinghua got up with A-Yuan still securely held in his arms, “If he does not approve of the punishment, then it is his right to stop it. And wasn’t the whipping of pups and omegas banned after Shen-shixiong’s qi-deviation?”

“That’s..” The Hall Master was at a loss of words, “Peak Lord Shang. It is true that this one failed to recognize Shen-shixiong in his new form, but—“

“Save your breath.” Shang Qinghua cut through, “I’ll be reporting to Zhangmen-shixiong. He’ll deal with this mess.”

“Peak Lord Shang!” The Hall Master was full-on panicking now, “There is no need to involve the Sect Leader! This old fool made a small mistake—!”

“Small mistake?” Shang Qinghua quirked up a brow, “Which part was the ‘small mistake’ that you speak of? Was it going against your Lord’s rules and whipping a pup? Was it when you did not stop a group of disciples from assaulting another? Or was it a harm towards your vulnerable Lord which you allowed to happen?”

Just as Shang Qinghua was about to tower over the older man, he heard a whimper pass through A-Yuan’s lips. The omega was squirming in his hold; twisting and turning. Clearly in pain. When Shang Qinghua ran a quick scan through his meridians he cursed under his breath.

A scenario that him and Mu Qingfang feared the worst — a qi-deviation.

He did not wait to hear any more.

A-Yuan needed a healer.

Now.

Shen Qingqiu woke up warm. His heart was calm. His mind settled. He remembered the time of his death. He remembered both of his lives, as a lonely rich master Shen Yuan, and as an abandoned slave Xiao Jiu. He also recalled his days as A-Yuan, running around the sect lost, but supported by so many. He wanted to smile, but couldn’t. There were other questions that had to be answered. Important conversations to be had.

Shang Qinghua had shifted in his sleep, until slowly blinking his eyes open. The two Peak Lords stared at each other for a moment, but the alpha quickly registered that his little bro was not so little anymore. Before he could throw a thousand and one questions towards Shen Qingqiu; the omega spoke first.

“I remember everything.” He said, and Shang Qinghua gave a slow blink.

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s.. Uhm..”

There was an obvious happiness in having his friend back. That much could be seen with a lazy gaze. But there was also uncertainty. Dare he say, even fear.

“Airplane. Why didn’t you come to the trial?” Shen Qingqiu dreaded to hear an answer that wouldn’t fit with his desires. However, he needed this. They all needed this to finally move on. To clear the misunderstanding that kept them apart for years. 

“The letter never came.” Shang Qinghua blurted out.

Shen Qingqiu startled a bit at the urgency of the other’s tone, “What?”

“They changed the date of your trial, but never sent us a letter.” And shamelessly, Shang Qinghua reached his hands forward; cupping Shen Qingqiu’s hands in his own. He scented the wrist scent glands, just to lay another claim on the Pack Omega. Reassure him that he was wanted. Not alone. “A-Yuan, we would have never abandoned you like that. Never.”

“..But.” Shen Qingqiu felt his chest squeeze. The agony of those memories was still raw. So fresh. “That’s.. I..”

“I’m so sorry about what happened.” Shang Qinghua’s scent began to leak of sorrow. Grief. Regret. “You died in agony. Because of us.”

Shen Qingqiu watched his friend curl up on himself with genuine shock. His pack didn’t leave him that day. It was a ploy to tear them apart. They didn’t—

“I forgive you.” Shen Qingqiu reached forward and before he would get too self-conscious, he pulled the alpha closer to himself and pressed his face against his scent glands, “I’m here. I’m alive. It is all in the past now.” Shang Qinghua was practically trembling in his hold.

“We didn’t leave you. I promise. We didn’t.” The alpha clung closer, “And Yue Qingyuan didn’t leave you that day either.”

“What?” Shen Qingqiu’s scent spiked with alarm, but he quickly recovered, noticing that the alpha was far too gone in his spiraling mental breakdown to be interrogated. But he’d get his answers later. “You have a lot of explaining to do, Airplane..”

“Yeah..” Shang Qinghua let out a bitter chuckle, “I guess I do.”

Neither of them noticed their scents melting together, lulling them both back to sleep.